MSRP / Impulse Buy / Loss Leader - The Economy Of Internet Porn

We are all consumers.  As modern, 21st century human beings, we must be, for we have basic needs that we ourselves - more often than not - are unable to meet (pragmatically), and this positions us to take on the role of a typical western consumer (purchasing food, clothing, or shelter).

Many of you know how cheap I am relative to fast food, and I'm like this because I revile in the ubiquity of retail storefronts.  For they serve as a constant reminder of how costly it is to consume (for I too, ain't no farmer).  Therefore due to this ubiquity, avoiding this 2021 retail reality is quite difficult (if not impossible) to achieve, for there are so many storefronts - main street & virtual available to us (w/ more and more coming each day) that cater to just about everything imaginable.  Thusly, I SO OFTEN FEEL TRAPPED WITHIN THIS RETAIL ECONOMY, and in turn protest by keeping my wallet close to my vest.

So what is retail, and why does its ubiquity offend me so?

Retail, in concept, is as follows:  precisely packaged, marketed, and pitched goods at the very top of a supply chain.  As a side note to that statement, for the wealthy, methodically / unabashedly paying retail price is often (though certainly not always) seen as a sign of "what it means to be" truly affluent.  As such, retail represents the most convenient, most polished, most effortless consumer transaction available (that also happens to be the most pricey), and this is because the retail pricing structure is so heavily layered (from deep within) relative to its specific narrative (supply chain arc).  A narrative that had to take place (& justifiably be paid for) in order to bring a consumer all of the convenience, polish, and effortlessness therein.

There's Rob's summary of the concept of retail from Econ 101.

I want to revisit this statement before we go any further (expounding on more econ lessons in relation to Internet porn), for I believe it speaks to the notion of entitlement which is just about as pagan a term as there's ever been, and we don't need to miss that.

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Working at the Chick-A-Fil in Northpark Mall throughout high school gave the teenage version of Rob a firsthand look at retail fast food (fried chicken sandwiches and fried potatoes) consumers.

Chick-A-Fil is in line with other companies like Applebee's and Chili's (franchised restaurant chains) or Nissan in that they appeal equally to both whites and blacks.  And this is a critical cultural accomplishment for these companies relative to the massive monetary success they've achieved.  For so many companies that set up retail operations here in the Deep South ultimately fail because their business model isn't successful in "traveling" between races.

Therefore, I as a 15-17-year-old, was exposed to all manner of economic class (impoverished blacks to wealthy whites) of Mississippian whilst working part-time at the Chick-A-Fil.  

I can recall one busy summer Saturday at lunchtime, watching in awe as a rich, white (& very tall) woman exclaimed repeatedly to my cashier colleague, "I don't care what it costs, just give it to me like I asked!"   

What she was referring to was a uniquely customized order (for her and her beautiful - and all very tall - family) that had my co-worker befuddled.  

In a similar vein, I sold a minivan (I was a Chrysler / Plymouth new car salesman one summer whilst in college) to a ostentatiously rich, white guy during the long since defunct "Mississippi Fairgrounds Sale" of 1991.  After he'd decisively agreed on a final purchase price, I lead him to the "Business Office Tent" (in order for him to write a check for the purchase).  

To my horror, in spite of the line of customers waiting it out quietly under the big top (there in the stifling summer heat), he traipsed directly to the front of the line.  And after pushing a lady aside, he sat down in one of the two "Accounting Guy's" chairs and proceeded to carry out all the necessary paperwork relative to his cash purchase / retail transaction for his new luxury minivan (1991 Chrysler Town & Country). 

From there, all I could do (as a 19-year-old) was hope I wouldn't be fired (I wasn't) once the dealership I was working for returned to its Highway 80 location the following week.

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Western corporations most salient, reliable consumer are children (& adults who consume like children).  

There's a nugget of truth from Econ 101. 

Why is this?  Because children embody the notion of entitlement.  If you're short on understanding what the word entitlement means, simply think of a (western) child's self-centered outlook on almost everything.

Too, children have little to no impulse control, and this is why so much retail merch is displayed prominently at the check-out line within most retail big box stores / restaurants / convenience stores.  Retail impulse buys account for a massive amount of revenue for companies.  And, it's all exorbitantly overpriced incidentals (junk drinks, junk food, junk magazines, junk toys) that children (& adults who consume like children), in particular, can't seem to resist.

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Now, let's take these econ concepts that we've reviewed / explained so far and attempt to apply them to Internet porn.  

Firstly, the Internet represents the highest echelon of retail.  It is not only the retail zenith but the city floating in the sky.  And primarily, this is due to the illusion (I can't stress that enough) of privacy that the Internet provides the consumer.  For what is the most bothersome aspect of having a storefront retail experience (big box / restaurant / convenience or specialty store)?  

Zero privacy.  Instead, you're inconvenienced by all of those other consumers (of various races / socioeconomic backgrounds) that you're forced to share the retail store with.  

And that's so very...unentitled.  And those folks are so very difficult to "justify" all those impulse buys to (whilst around them).

Combine that Internet consuming "luxury" (privacy) with the impulse buying setup of impulse buying setups.  For it's simply a click, and another click.  And one more click.  And everything just magically appears (as you've ordered it up) right in front of your eyes.  And from there, you're experiencing the novel giddiness of technological entitlement.

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A side note:

Back when I consumed mucho amounts (hours and hours) of gay porn online, it took me awhile to figure out a bizarre physiological side effect.

For I'd come away (sorry) with super dry eyes.  So dry, in fact, that I was unable to do much of anything to stop the intense stinging (& subsequent redness) for hours on end.  Therefore, my only recourse was to lie down with my eyes shut.

What was happening was as follows:  Whilst consuming Internet porn, my brain was so pleased with its private, overly entitled viewing experience of naked people having sex that it simply told my eyelids to cease blinking throughout.  Therefore, for hours on end, I'd blink far, far less than needed to keep my eyes healthily moisturized.  And, of course, that no blinking Internet porn consumption session took quite a toll on my eyeballs.  Ouch.

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One final econ 101 nugget for you here at the wrap up of this post.

Nintendo keeps a steady revenue stream intact by selling Mario, Link, and Zelda.  (Those same tired cartoon characters from the '80s.)  These are intellectual properties that are owned by the company, and this is what consumers (of all ages) purchase from Nintendo (mostly around the holidays) in the form of video games.

Nintendo also happens to sell video game consoles, but these are loss leaders and not part of their forecasted revenue stream.  A loss leader is a retail gimmick that companies use to capture consumers indirectly.  As such, companies position loss leaders to handcuff consumers into only purchasing their intellectual property (because it won't work at all or nearly as well elsewhere). 

Think of the Nintendo Switch.  This console may very well become the most purchased in the history of console sales (in the next few years).  The Nintendo Switch is a loss leader for Nintendo.  As such, it's sold at a loss to them in order to get more and more of the devices into the hands of consumers - all over the western world.  

Why is this important to Nintendo?  

Because it handcuffs the consumer to Nintendo's tried & true intellectual property:  Mario, Link, and Zelda.  

From there, Nintendo sells retailed priced video games that only work on the Nintendo Switch.  And arguably, most of these games are simply upgraded rehashes of the same platforming, FPS, third-person action / adventure concept.  Concepts brought to life via an Italian plumber, pointy-eared elf teenager & his bug-eyed girlfriend. 

How might this translate to Internet porn?

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There're only so many ways to fuck.  And there're only so many types of individuals one can observe fucking.  

Internet porn consumers know this.  And their brains know it too.  Yet, there are characters (porn models) online who provide a somewhat familiar narrative (story) to the fucking.  Let's dub them Bettie Breast Implant and Henry Bigdick.

Porn tube channels (offering loss leader "free porn") will only satisfy a consumer for so long, taking their favorite hardworking porn models into account.  No doubt, these consumers are eventually going to desire more.  More intense, more extreme, more hard, hardcore.  Or perhaps it's just that continual craving for the very latest performance from that specific porn model(s).

But this is going to retail cost them.  Plus, it may very well usher them into promiscuous behaviors as a result as they fall further and further down the rabbit hole.  

Sexual intimacy was created by God to only be experienced - as a distinct representation of Christ's relationship to his church - within the marriage bed.  Husband and wife together.  Working collectively to pleasure each other.  

It's not watching naked people fuck.  It's not lust.  It's not the same rehashed scenario scripted out by Bettie and Henry in the least.  It's a beautiful, unique experience that embodies / represents love to the highest degree.  (Even if there's no money shot.)

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So what's the takeaway?

Thanks to such the individual novelty embodied within today's Internet-capable technology, many of us are behaving like idiots.  Idiots who're acquiescing more and more towards discarding any remaining semblance of our adult sensibilities.  And we're all being screwed by tech-savvy companies.  Companies much more interested in their bottom line than our well-being.  As such, we're now within the golden age of the entitled, retail consumer.  It's an age built on the illusion that we're actually fully in control (& completely comprehend the methodology behind) of our own hyper-convenient retail consumption.

Unfortunately, that's the farthest thing from the truth.  We have lost all control, and very few understand who's actual behind the curtain.  Therefore, until you wake up and realize just how uninterested these companies are in you and yours well-being, you're simply one additional dumbass sheep that's "addicted" to Internet porn.    

Wake up!  Grow up!  Set yourself apart!  As a Christian, you are a child of the King!  Be holy because you are holy.

You're not rich.  You (& I) have been duped.

Lagniappe

Olympic-Sized Lust / Pole Vault Ass Cam / Erection Marketing

Earlier this week, an old Samson friend met me for lunch at a swanky, posh Jackson, Mississippi eatery that's a magnet for rich, white people, and on this particular sultry Mississippi August day, they were out in droves.

Most of these rich, white people were women, many very beautiful women with seductive figures and cosmetically accentuated countenances, some wearing Buck Rogers-inspired tight-fitting attire or little to bare minimum in clothing in order to stave off the relentless summer heat (whilst showing off their curves).  

Hanging from the rafters within the outdoor dining space of this particular eatery was a massive television that just happened to be screening the Summer Olympics, and wouldn't you know it, the women's pole vault competition was in full swing!  Needless to say, beautiful asses and tits were circumnavigating us.

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Many years ago, I had lunch with another old Samson friend at a similarly swanky Metro Jackson, Mississippi restaurant, and we actually had to cut our meal short in order for him to vacate the premises.  I remember one particularly stunning female traipsing in, and as she did so, I watched all the blood drain out of my friend's face as his eyes latched onto to her longingly for a few intense seconds.  

I had commented earlier that eating there felt as if we'd been whisked away to Los Angeles, California, and soon thereafter, this beautiful woman walked in (which served as further evidence).  And then we walked out, leaving our protein bowls and frozen greek yogurt behind.

And by the way, this particular Samson friend now resides with his family in one of the most rural spots (that I'm privy to) in beautiful Mississippi.  Far away from the posh, swankiness of suburban Jackson eateries frequented by rich, white people.  And this allows me to sleep better at night.

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Decades ago, I was attending a northeast Jackson, Mississippi 12-step group somewhat sporadically, and within the group I befriended an intensely personable - native Mississippi man who was close to my age.  This man's story shared similar traits as my own, and as such, our budding friendship was the most compelling reason for me to remain engaged within the group (everyone else was a lot older than I was).  Around this time, the Summer Olympics were being held, and I recall receiving an unexpected landline telephone call from my new friend regarding this one Saturday afternoon.  

He'd been screening the men's gymnastics, and as such, was feeling overwhelmed by his now very sexually aroused state.  Watching those young muscular men, wearing nothing but skin-tight tanks / leggings, left nothing to the imagination (especially between their legs).  Therefore, my friend felt overwhelmed with sexual desire when arguably most viewers were simply interested in the rankings.  Or were they?

This telephone conversation set in motion for me the notion of decoupling myself (& my family) completely from CATV.  And it wasn't long afterwards that I did so.

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Dr. John Piper as well as his entire Desiring God troupe exult the notion of squashing lustful thinking with "a greater joy".  That "greater joy" being one's intensely desirous allegiance to pleasing God.  Not out of duty but instead love.  Love for a spirit that cannot be seen nor touched except through our heart of hearts.  Intense love and affection that's grown out of saving faith.

But we are not a culture of heart seekers who're interested - in the least - with the internal much less the eternal.  Instead, we're groomed to solely focus on the external (visual) - all the time 24/7/365 within the present.  Head to toe.  Backwards and forwards.  Whether we're sizing each other up whilst out and about or watching our ever present entertainment via those ubiquitous flat screens.  

So what do we do about this?  How do we re-wire our brains to look inward at both ourselves and others?

Easy.

Take drastic steps.

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My Samson friend, whom I was eating with earlier in the week at the aforementioned posh Jackson, Mississippi eatery, just did something in this regard that I greatly respect.

He went from a longstanding commitment to a suburban mega-church to a newfound commitment to a Podunk country church that's essentially just one suburban municipality over.  Now, this move was justified with circumstantial logic, but in terms of spiritual pragmatics, it made all the more sense for him specifically. 

When I'm around this friend (especially within public settings), it's so apparent how enslaved he is to the external (visual).  His overall focus is reduced dramatically due to this (which annoys me greatly).  And it's been this way ever since I've known him.  

To be more specific, I know this friend so well that my heart hurts to see how vulnerable he is - in real time.  It makes me feel powerless.

So, how might a church membership move - from suburban mega-church to Podunk country church benefit him in this regard?

I would argue that Podunk country church is mainly attended by parishioners who're only there to take in God's word, worship, and serve.  In lieu of (a handful) these same earnest folks (at the suburban mega-church) co-mingling with a boatload of socialites who make the time to attend in order to strut their hot bods whilst talking politics / their golf game out in the luxury SUV-filled parking lot.

Notice I mentioned "who're there to strut their hot bods".  That's a key point.  Don't miss that about certain churches.

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The first pastor friend of Rob's (+/-12 years ago) was an Associate Pastor.  This meant that he rarely preached, but instead did his fair share of (exemplary) behind the scenes organizing, etc. at the church where he served.  And this guy was content with this work at the time, which honestly was quite weird, because he was an excellent preacher with far more potential than had been tapped into.  Nonetheless, he was willing to befriend me, therefore I kept my mouth shut regarding this and simply enjoyed our time spent together.  

My Associate Pastor friend's wife was a knockout.  And she knew it, and loved to flaunt it.  So much so, that she'd at times show up to his church - just barely - dressed.  

This blonde bombshell loved to exercise (she was hyperactively anxious which fueled her exercise obsession), and as a result, her expertly toned body displayed her hard work for every heterosexual man (& homosexual woman) to potentially lust after.

I remember seeing her on one occasion leaving the church house on one Sunday morning at quite a brisk pace (but with a sly grin on her countenance).  She rarely attended any church functions besides worship on Sunday mornings, and today was likely no different.  Having perhaps slipped in a tad bit late to worship, my assumption was her Associate Pastor husband had given her a look of disapproval (in response to her choice of non-attire) that really only served to reinforce / confirm her rebellious bent.  For her, it was like a dance between the two of them - where she was always in the lead.  

And I knew him well enough to know that he secretly loved participating in this sensualized marital dance, elevating it far above the reality of his calling / duties as a pastor.  For it was as if he'd won the lottery, having her beautiful tits and ass to lie next to (or on top of) each and every night.  As such, her seductive attention more than made up for the doldrums (& low wages) of his Assistant Pastoral duties.

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Let's wrap this one up by dropping a bombshell truth that no one wants to hear (much less say).

The primary value (monetized) of a female, within our western culture, is in her sensuality.  And this is a distortion of Biblical truth for women were not created to be primarily valued as meat or eye candy.

This distortion has come about / been proliferated by / through technology.  Mainly photography - still and video.  As such, women are elevated as objects of intense lust in high definition.  Billions and billions of dollars have been made by exploiting this distortion - by selling everything from lust itself to real estate, cars, and every manner of widget known to man by firstly bringing on an erection.

Now, the same, of course, can be said of men - as objects of lust.  Just not at all to the same degree.

For women's bodies are decidedly more holistically beautiful with their curves and "hidden features" (internal sex organs) that leaves much to the imagination.   

In closing, flee from sexual sin / temptation by making drastic changes to your life.  Do whatever it takes to get off the fence regarding this.  God hates the lukewarm.  And he is not interested in the external (remember Dr. John Piper).  Hence, neither should you be.

And do know that my Samson friend and I have already discussed finding another venue to dine at when we rendezvous next.  One that assists him in keeping his eyes (& head) out of the ditch.

10x More Potent

Lust via sexual fantasy isn't (by God's grace) a chronic problem for Rob, though for the majority of my post-pubescent life, it was a big, big problem that I can wholeheartedly say I was in bondage to.  And oh, how I wish that hadn't been the case.  For all of those lust-fueled sexual fantasies separated me farther and farther away from both my God and my wife (whilst married).

I distinctly remember using lust-fueled sexual fantasies when I initially began masturbating in late elementary school.  It was super easy for me since I was "imaginatively preconditioned" as a boy thanks to my penchant for the ubiquitous sci-fi / fantasy (Star Wars / DC & Marvel comics) play that most boys enjoy so much.  As such, sadly enough, all my grey matter was well suited to segue from those innocents to the sexually explicit with the onslaught of testosterone.   

But I still sometimes fall into this trap.  Even today, as a 48-year old, (almost) 25-years married to my sweet wife.

Why?

Because narrated masturbation (lustful sexual fantasies) is 10x more potent (sexual pleasure) than simply masturbating for masturbation's sake.

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I'm convinced that very few men ever consider separating massaging their wiener (with their fingers) from lustful sexual fantasies (either porn enhanced or not) because the two go together like a delicious grilled hamburger patty and toasted hamburger buns (with all the 'fixins), and this results in a combination that's delectable to devour holistically.  

Also, masturbation is widely panned as a boyhood pastime, therefore what business would a grown man have participating in such frivolous activities (particularly if he's married)?  To focus exclusively on that physical act is akin to spending time plugging / unplugging your butthole with a pointer finger.  

What's the point of that?

I've had many men staunchly disagree with the notion of masturbation being acceptable in the eyes of God - under any circumstances, and this despite the fact that God gave us appendages that are ideally positioned to explore our genitalia whenever we feel so moved.  

Nonetheless, I don't fall into this camp of labeling masturbation as sin, and my grounds for this approach is what I've researched on my own in Scripture combined with wise counsel from godly men whom I respect.  But, I completely respect the Christian man who vehemently (or otherwise) disagrees with me on this.

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During the early years of my marriage to Angie, I found myself doing exactly as I did during my college days (living four years within a dorm room with four individualized roommates) prior to going on to sleep.  The (two to three times per week) routine consisted of listening for the other person (wife or roommate) to fall asleep prior to throwing back the covers, very carefully removing my skivvies, closing my eyes, and marinating in lust-fueled sexual fantasy (most of which were homosexual in nature) as a transcendent escape from the cares of the day. 

There are simply too many times to count how often my wife has been startled awake depending on how intoxicating my fantasies became (and in turn vigorously I massaged by wiener).  This would result in her being greatly annoyed by my antics, and oftentimes, the next morning she'd sheepishly ask "what were you doing in bed last night?".  Had I answered her honestly, I would have told her I was expertly choreographing / producing a lust-fueled sexual fantasy that was perfectly synchronized to the stroking of my penis.

On numerous occasions, the orgasms from these episodes were so intense that I came (sorry) very close to passing out.  Seriously.

And for the record, yes, these sexual experiences were far more potent thanks to the lust-fueled sexual narrative playing out inside my head.

I realize that's probably a lot more detailed info than you care to know about me, but I've no shame in telling you this if it might destigmatize something that's so commonplace / mainstream relative to dialogue - outside church circles.

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This morning, I shed a few tears as I laid bare the well worn asphalt path (Lakeland Drive) to my office.  They were tears of regret, having returned last night to the "Fast Pass" masturbatory experience involving lust-fueled sexual fantasy.  And I did so lazily.  Aloof is truly the best description I can use to describe my state of mind last night.  It was as if I'd no past recollection of the ensuing shame / guilt associated with the ramifications of this sinful behavior.  And that's what made it all the more an anomalous experience.  

I'd even, prior to turning in, emailed my Silas in an effort to give him an update regarding my weekend plans (we typically try to rendezvous every other weekend).  And looping him in there was gratifying in and of itself.  So where did this fallback originate from?

All I can come up with is twofold.

One, I ran yesterday evening during my oldest two little sinners' piano lessons, and there at Parham Bridges Park, were scads of walkers, runners.  From the throngs, I did identity one young man who was particularly beautiful.  I never did see anything but his back, but that was enough.  He was blessed with a body that few Mississippi men every come close to inhabiting.  It was splendidly proportioned and athletically built from head to toe.  

Two, I was really, really tired (having not rested well the night before), and as such, my aforementioned run was no fun whatsoever.  I trudged through it, only able to complete 60% - 75% of my usual coursework.  Running whilst tired is akin to having intercourse whilst tired.  

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Lazily.  That's the perfect word for describing how indiscriminate falling back into sin like this truly is.  We all at times find ourselves exhausted.  We all sometimes let our guard down.  Nonetheless, it doesn't change the fact that sin has no excuses.  Does no less harm.  Is no less serious.

May God strengthen my resolve to never again return to lust-fueled sexual fantasies under any circumstances. 

  

Sex, Distorted / Elevated To Polarize

During the summer of '94, I backpacked through western Europe with 5 or 6 other individuals, most of which were Mississippi State architecture students (as I was).  Being there for 7 weeks, I was fortunate to visit 11 countries with the focus being notable buildings - urban and rural, gardens, etc.  I was in my early 20s at the time, and my colleagues were of similar ages.  All of us behaved scholarly during the entire trip unlike some of the other college students who were there at the time (per my observations).  And I'm not saying that to boast.  To be honest, we were just a bunch of geeks who were best suited to keeping our attention on the "tasks at hand".

About halfway through this once-in-a-lifetime trek, we found ourselves staying within a hostel in Austria.  I remember the country being Austria because Salzburg is where The Sound of Music was filmed, and I became aware of this whilst staying there (I've never screened the film).  It was quite the picturesque country(side).

One of my colleagues bunked with me within a very clean but cramped room with four other young men (also American college students backpacking throughout the summer, though not a part of our group) .  The tiny room was just big enough for three bunkbeds and one lavatory (a wall mounted sink).  The floor plan of the room was such that it was "two bunkbeds deep" and "three bunkbeds wide" with the middlemost bunk missing if you catch my measurement drift.

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What keeps individuals out of sales is the ever present & quite trepidatious mantra - ACTIVITY, ACTIVITY, ACTIVITY.  Sales managers can at times berate their minions accordingly, and for good reason.  That being because there's some truth to it.  Some.  

Mostly though, you either have the knack for sales (and this must be coupled with excellent timing) or you don't.  No matter how much ACTIVITY (sales calls) you participate in.

The summer after my freshman year in college, I worked as a new car salesman at Howard Wilson Chrysler Plymouth in Jackson.  That two months was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life, and as such, I was only afforded the opportunity because my parents & I had purchased my '91 Plymouth Laser RS from this dealership a few months prior.  

What I took away from that summer, working as a car salesman, was the importance a salesman must have of product knowledge - across the board. 

Fortunately for me, ever since I was around age 14, I've been a car aficionado, therefore as a new car salesman at age 18, I not only knew the product I was attempting to sell but the competition's product as well.  Or at least as well as a teenager could.  Comprehensively.  

Again, mate that knowledge with great timing, and sales do happen.  Almost magically.  And that's what can make sales fun and very satisfying to experience because you're not just screwing people over with smoke & mirrors.

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Solo sex (masturbation) is (by default) a hollow, relentlessly self-centered pursuit fueled 99% of the time by sexual fantasy coupled with an active libido.  It's an ACTIVITY, ACTIVITY, ACTIVITY that's built primarily on one's "expertise" of the human body driving lust via imaginings.  Of course, these fantasies can be carried along much more proficiently thanks to pornographic imagery.  Imagery which in no way typically represents any sort of sexual reality (certainly not of a Biblical nature).   

Many year ago, I was watching a Geraldo Rivera talk show episode out of sheer boredom.  I believe he was interviewing class (school) mates of celebrities, and a handful of these individuals on this particular show had been childhood friends of Madonna.  As such, Geraldo queried these guests relentlessly, aching for some dirt on Ms. Ciccone.  

No doubt, one of these former friends had tipped off Madonna relative to their appearance on his TV show because seemingly unexpectedly (of course, it could have always been staged), Madonna herself called in to speak to Mr. Rivera.

As you might imagine, she seemd none too pleased with the premise of the show, and in reaction to this, she asked Geraldo the following:  "Have you ever had sex with yourself?".

I remember hearing this and feeling polarized if not a bit nauseous.  From that point on, I gained an entirely new perspective on Madonna.

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The only time I've ever witnessed live sexual activity was within the aforementioned hostel bunk room there in Salzburg, Austria.  And obviously, it wasn't by choice.  Yet, as you might imagine, there in the darkness whilst peering across the room (bleary-eyed), I felt polarized as I observed these two lovers perform coitus / cunninlingus like a couple of jack rabbits. 

Sexual activity is defined clearly in Scripture as a metaphor.  A metaphor which includes Jesus Christ (husband) and his church (wife).  So, if we explore that for a moment, we clearly see that intercourse is meant to physically consummate a relationship in marriage.  

So, what is marriage and why is sexual activity - today - so polarizing?

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On numerous occasions, I've heard individuals talk through the importance of "test driving" a boy / girlfriend under the guise of sexual proficiency prior to marriage.  

As if human beings were like animals and intercourse was simply what you do whilst feeling an erection coming on, or better yet, qualify another human being's worth.

ACTIVITY, ACTIVITY, ACTIVITY.  Sound familiar?

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Sex sells merchandise, contracts, real estate, automobiles, entertainment and on and on and on here in our western culture.  A titillating advertising campaign / experience is arguably the most effective (low hanging fruit) means to pitch almost anything due to how it builds on foundational distortions.  Hands down.  As such, we are brainwashed into elevating sex and sexuality to the upper echelon of relevancy / importance within our menial lives (from childhood onward).  

Yet, the Bible states that it's best to remain single if you're to most effectively be positioned to execute God's work, putting marriage one notch (if several notches) below bachelorhood.  

So that begs the question that I believe needs to be asked once more.  What exactly is marriage?

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Marriage is like clothing.  Not really necessary but so effective at fleshing out a holistic understanding of ourselves as God's created beings.  As such, marriage speaks to our then fully realized identity.  

But remaining naked is admirable (according to Scripture).  For clothing can certainly embolden us in ways that serve to take our focus from Christ and our relationship with him due to the time / energy required relative to upkeep (of each other / offspring).

And then there's the reality of sex within marriage which runs counter to everything our culture indoctrinates us with 24/7/365.  

Sex isn't supposed to be polarizing.  It wasn't created to be.  It also wasn't created to be elevated as it has as the primary achievable / enviable attribute of every human being.

Car designs might be polarizing or architectural styles but not sex, sexuality.  

Madonna Ciccone's entire career is a representation of the distortion that our sexualized culture has embraced.  All the material wealth she's obtained is built on a distortion of one of the most overrated / blown out of proportion attributes of marriage.

We need knowledge to gain back the ground that's been lost in this regard.  The time is now.  Snap out of this ruse; wake up to reality.

Disembarking From The Anticipation Roller Coaster

The Children of Israel were needing to get a handle on their feelings during the beginning of their journey out of Egypt (where they'd been enslaved) to the Promised Land.  They'd been subservient to the Egyptians as their minions for 400 years, and when their rescue came, it was to God's dismay that they rather quickly jettisoned their gratitude, leaving behind the inability to relish their newfound (forever) freedom.

And this became the truthteller regarding their immaturity as a people group.  God despised this about them for it proved their focus was no longer on him but their own selfish feelings.

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I've heard preachers use this story in an attempt to quell criticism of shoddy preaching, but that's not at all correctly pitched.  The lesson in this story is about staying focused on God's rescue.  Paying heed to where you've come out of.  Seeing who's right in front, leading you forward today in all of his glory.  

But to do this, you must remember truthfully where you were prior.  And you must carry that with you into the present.  

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My "porn" as a child was the Service Merchandise / Spiegel catalog.  Especially this time of year.  Every day, often multiple times a day, I would gaze into this glossy-paged, oversized magazine and long for some toy(s) or electronic(s) that captivated by imagination.  And all it took was one professional photo of this object and a short descriptive paragraph to bide me over for those few imaginatory minutes.  Keep in mind that this was way before online professional / customer reviews much less online retailers.  

We are image bearers of God, therefore we have imaginations too which lead us to create / devise / plan / dream.  Considering that, we are also perpetually self-focused and subsequently indulgent with flesh that's hyper-sensitive to moods, hunger, fatigue.

And this was the means for the Israelites' undoing once they lost patience with God's provision / direction.

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Youth facilitates the propensity to constantly look forward.  It's what makes having children so much fun at times.  Santy Claus wouldn't exist were it not for this.  And yet, this component of childhood can overstay its welcome as we men are expected to grow out of it but refuse to.  Oftentimes, it's simply translated over into real estate, depreciating assets (cars, boats, video game consoles), but also into sexualized fetishes.

Internet porn provides a limitless amount of visual imagery for us to "feed" these latter longings, all from the privacy of our own PC, tablet, smartphone.  

And this is where God gets pissed, to the point of putting his foot down.

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So how do we go about encouraging maturation away from all this childishness?  What can we do to better manager our unsatisfied, unsettled anticipatory selves?  

Pray firstly.  Fall to your knees and ask God for release.  Ask him for a special measure of his Holy Spirit to fight back with.

Secondly, look clearly at others and see where they need you to be THE MAN.  Even within your private life when no one else is looking.  

Thirdly, repent of your childishness and all the idolatry that's manifested itself therein.  Make a list of these things and pray over them in retreat (backing away).

Put your feet on solid ground via these three moves and work hard to not look back.  From there, God's completeness will begin to suffice as you're more focused on where you once were in light of current circumstances.

Value Should Never Have Been Equated To Sexiness

Pubescent hormones and our own innate draw towards the visual make for easy fodder when it comes to sex appeal.  As children, we're indoctrinated (I realize it's a strong word) into equating value with sex appeal, sexiness, youthfulness, and so forth.  But Christianity banks nothing on these things.  Hotness isn't a fruit of the Spirit, and Jesus didn't parade around attempting to bed as many individuals as he could relative to his singleness.

The Bible speaks out against fornication and adultery as well as homosexuality.  No, no, and no again.  And Jesus addressed lust specifically as out of sync with God's will.

As Christians, our / other's personal value is always discounted in light of Christ.  This is back-assward to what our culture celebrates.  Hence, it should be Jesusbook in lieu of Facebook.

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How do we know / come to know this Jesus?

Scripture firstly, and from there via the Holy Spirit living inside of us and other believers.  These things combined results in solid teaching and preaching.

What draws us towards Jesus?

Life circumstance with a heavy emphasis on suffering because his appeal isn't and never has been cheap (it will cost you everything).

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To continue forward with that last sentence, when men face a circumstantial reckoning, it's then that Jesus may come into clear focus.  For example, via sickness or personal trials.  Christ's life is clearly documented within the gospels, and we're called to emulate him via the example he set.  

But it sure ain't no glamorous existence.

Just ask the apostle Paul.  

Yet, Paul wrote his letter to the Philippians as if he'd just won the lottery and had the best sex of his life, all in anticipation of either dying and being with Christ or living and continuing to represent Christ.  His rejoicing within that correspondence is over the top! 

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I want to encourage you today to not Lolli gaggle around for a portend.  Misplaced value is a huge problem in our western culture.  Instead, open God's word today.  If you don't know where to start, start with the gospel of Mark, and from there ween yourself off of any and all cultural venues that do not put the emphasis on Jesus Christ (which is all of them).  

The Infidelity Vaccine / Salacious Selfies

I have Covenant Eyes on every Internet capable device I have access to, and the reason for this is I cannot be trusted online whilst by myself.  As an introvert, in particular, the Internet presents an opportunity for Rob to escape into the digital abyss, and I've taken this approach so many times prior that it's now my default online modus operandi.  Covenant Eyes in a sentinel program that constantly monitors my screen(s) for salacious imagery via its algorithmic magic.  From there, it compiles screenshots that the software believes should be reviewed by my accountability partners - every few days, once a week, & so forth.  And those accountability partners receive those reports via scheduled emails.

A few months back, I get this forwarded email from my accountability partner.  It was one of my Covenant Eyes reports titled "Recommended Review for Rob" and within were all these blurry thumbnail-sized screenshots.  The images were obviously amateur photos of a buck naked man who looked as if he were either absolutely caught off guard or having a grand time.  

My heart stopped beating and time stood still.

"Oh no."

The photos were selfies of none other than me.

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My mother cheated on my dad when I was between 9 and 10 years old.  I was in 4th grade, and as an only child, I vividly remember the massive familial fallout relative to this ongoing tryst.  The man who seduced my mom was her boss, and apparently, he was quite the specimen of an older man.  Based on what my father has shared with me regarding this harrowing season within their marriage, "Ron" was so intimidating / influential that my dad refused to confront him.  Instead, he hired a private investigator to follow them, take photos, bug their hotel rooms, etc.  From there, he had the goods on my mom to nail her to the wall, all the while sinking into a deep despair as the love of his life betrayed him over and over again.

But (for better or worse - I honestly don't know which) instead of him choosing to take a legal stand, he chose to stay with her, but as punishment for her 6+ month (or longer) long fling, he decried her forever, unequivocally untrustworthy.  Therefore even today, he holds all of this illicit behavior over her head.  It's nauseating to witness, yet her own self-loathing that grew out of this tryst actually feeds off of his scorn and continually indirect shaming.  Therefore, as you can imagine, all of this dysfunction has made a distinct impression on me as the Junior.

Keep in mind too, I'm a 48-year old man, therefore this adulterous event occurred almost 40 years ago when my parents were both in their mid to late-twenties.  Their marriage was almost brand new, and they were very young.  All in all though, it's a freaking long time for anyone to live under their spouse's thumb, yet that's the summation of the tolerated dynamics within their very unhealthy yet not at all unique marriage arrangement.

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Northpark Mall was brought online in Ridgeland, MS in the early '80s, and man, it was no doubt a huge retail success for central Mississippi.  My few friends and I would hang out there most every weekend, and eventually, once I turned 15, I began working there at the Chick-A-Fil.  Good memories.

I distinctly remember the interior color palette and many of the seemingly neverending storefront retailers.  It was the epicenter of activity during the 1980s.  A venerable church of consumerism.

This past Saturday, my family met my parents at the Renaissance mall which is also in Ridgeland.  This retail complex was brought online in the relatively recent past, and just as Northpark was during it's heyday, it's been a huge commercial success.  As we did our fair share of loitering, I began to feel quite nostalgic.

The differences though between these two mall experiences are just distinct enough (taking the decades between their origins into account) for its patrons to believe that they're experiencing something completely new and different, but they're really not.  Overall, they're all put together just like every other retail mall mousetrap just with a revised shine for the next generation of consumers.

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Jesus made quite the declaration when he told his followers that lust in a man's heart equated to adultery.

Do what?  Did I hear that one correctly?

That's what he said.

He did this because he obviously knew man's heart well enough to portend that sin originates from there.

I walk a fine line whilst choosing to lust.  Overall, I have a deep seated understanding of just how devastating infidelity can be to a marriage / family.  Just as my own children have a firsthand experience with watching their parents suffer through a spouse's debilitating illness and all the ramifications therein. 

But, an experiential vaccine does not provide 100% immunity.  No vaccine does.

I'm still vulnerable, if not moreso - considering my pedigree.

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One of the first questions my Covenant Eyes accountability partner asked me regarding the aforementioned report was "What is going on?".  He couldn't tell via the blurry thumbnail photos within my report that they were of Rob.  Therefore, I explained, and from there, he asked who I'd sent them to.  I replied by saying "No one".  And that was the truth.  

But it served as a needed wake up call.

No more selfies.  No matter how novel or mainstream the experience may seem.

Thanks be to God for Covenant Eyes and my accountability partner.

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The entire foundation of western culture is built on novelty.  We as a people celebrate it, revere it, worship it.  Therefore, it permeates everything within corporate America, and as such its influence is exponential.  

I would argue that most trysts grow out of this same dumb reflex of ours as human beings whether it involves the latest technology gimmick or otherwise.

We human beings really are sheep.  So stupid.  So impressionable.  So easily deceived.  Yet, our Enemy lies to us constantly regarding this.   

"You will surely not die."

  

Lagniappe

More Lagniappe

Is It Acceptable To Be Critical Of Your Spouse During A Samson Society Meeting? / Where (In The Grand Scheme of Things) Is The Importance In Marital Sex? / Why Is Fornication / Adultery So Prevalent?

Let me address the first question.

There's a difference in being critical and being derogatory.  Derogatory comments / critiques aren't respectful of the absent (or not) individual, therefore they're not welcome regarding anyone else but oneself (if you feel so moved).

Strictest confidence brings about safety relative to any subject matter one would like to introduce within a Samson Society meeting, therefore bring it on.  So long as it's not derogatory.

One rule Angie and I have abided by as a married couple is our refusal to speak negatively about each other to anyone besides each other...under any circumstances.  Since we've stuck to this for close to 25 years, it's almost impossible to talk about her at all in any sort of negative light.  Even within a Samson Society meeting.  Considering that, we do not shy away from being critical of each other when deemed necessary.

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Question Two.

I've only had intercourse with Angie a few times in 2020, and only once after May 29 (post-stroke).  

Vaginal intercourse is the ultimate expression of complementarian marriage.  In particular, the yielding of the wife relative to penetration by the husband.  

I personally know men who've been married for longer than I have, and who've only had vaginal intercourse with their wives two or three times over the decades past.  And these two individuals (within that marriage) are perfectly healthy, physically attractive human beings.  They just choose to not have any sexual intimacy.  Ever.  

Hence, as you can imagine, the desire for sexual intimacy wreaks havoc within this icy arrangement, and from there, the marriage becomes nothing more than a roommate situation.  Progressively though, couples who choose to allow this amount of massive abstinence to occur within their marriages can't help but grow bitter and resentful of each other (as well as themselves).  For they know that marriage is marriage is marriage due to the implied regular, natural sexual intimacy involved.  It would be like owning a beautiful manual transmission convertible sports car but having to leave it forever garaged.

Meeting couples like this has been eye opening to Rob relative to the fundamental importance of regular hot sex in the marriage bed.

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Question Three.

Sexual intimacy isn't discussed by persons of respect / authority to teenagers.  It simply isn't.  Ever.  Never.  Never.

Therefore, teenagers are left to cope with puberty amongst all the relational high school / collegiate madness that comes with it, and most of them end up in bed as a default.  And this is not surprising.  

Vaginal intercourse is perfectly pleasurable and absolutely desirable.  For men, it is truly an effective means for experiencing an emotional / physical release that's unlike any other experience he'll ever have.  For ladies, it's that awesome sense of security that's baked into allowing a man into themselves.  Security which says to them, "I'm safe and secure within the arms of this man.  His masculinity is what I desire first and foremost during this moment of connection.  He will protect and take care of me."

Every adult somehow navigated through puberty themselves, and most did so as every generation behind did.  It happened on their own with little to no help from anyone else.  Therefore, there's little, if any, desire to "give back" or "return the favor" to the next generation since there's no favor to return.

It's a bad situation that's ripe for narratives being put into play early on from which dictate individuals' lives far into the future.  And within most of those narratives is shame and regret, confusion and discord.  Sometimes even assault, sexual abuse, and rape.  All of which are only there to isolate us from God's love and concern, forgiveness, and clear direction relative to his plan for our sexual selves.

Does The Punishment Of Hell Worry You? Does It Affect Your Point Of View Regarding Those You Care / Don't Care About?

Fornication and homosex simply don't rankle me as they once did, and I regret being able to honestly admit to that.  I distinctly remember in years past how grim these activities and their Biblical implications seemed to me, therefore my outlook relative to those who participated was vastly different than it is today.

And this sexual sin acclimation is true culturally - across the board.  We've all warmed up to or choose to discount the ultimate punishment for these sins as if Hell simply doesn't exist anymore.

So what if a Christian begins participating in these?  Is hell his ultimate fate?  And to take it a step further, what of lusting after another individual via sexual fantasies?  We know the Bible qualifies that sin as equal to physical behavior, therefore again, is hell preeminent for those individuals?  

God's people screw up.  It's documented all within God's word, and of course, we see it time and time again today.  And the stories tend to relay judgement and punishment for these sins.  This is exactly in line with how you as a parent would hopefully treat the children that you consider your own (bio or adopted).  Parents' roles are to parent.  Not coddle or cater to.

But when you see other parents' children screwing up, you feel for them, but since you have no authority over those children, you often tend to leave them be.

God does this too.  Again, take a looksee at the Old Testament.

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Middle age too really does a number on a man's perspective.  I'll be 50 in a few years.  Therefore, let me just say here, I'm so fortunate to have had this very full life.  Young men at times call me sir, and overall, young people just know that I'm "over the hill" (or close to it).  And considering that truth, what brings me the most peace is my no longer having to deal with wave after wave of that god-forsaken sexual-sin shame thanks to me no longer being in bondage to it.  

And I wonder if that's played a part in what I admitted to above.  Perhaps my own sanctification, if you will, has in a way, tuned me away from my more empathic / sympathetic point of view.  This, coupled with my gray hair (& disgusting gray nose hairs), undoubtedly has played a role.  It's hard to relate to that which you no longer don't know well.

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Now, full disclosure here.

Do know that nothing really keeps me away from Internet porn, even today, except staying absolutely not isolated whilst surfing online.  Therefore, there are those times when opportunity abounds, and I jump right back in for a few minutes.  The relinquishment of my "online - singular - freedom" occurred almost 6.5 years ago when I finally chose to wear Covenant Eyes' bridle.  Eventually too, Samson Society became a mainstay that I embraced with a thankful heart.  The community of Samson keeps one focused on what's lingering beneath those desires to participate in sexual sin.  Therefore, this two-pronged approach worked wonders for me.

I say that to prove to you that my sanctification is ongoing, and that so long as the Internet exists (and Internet-capable devices), I'm likely going to need to stand clear of surfing / walking through my life alone.  It's just too reckless an approach for me.

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If you attend a Samson Society (national) retreat, you'll see that Samson Society men tend to be, on average, around 35-40 years of age.  Not to say there aren't younger (& much older) men participating, but overall, they skew less gray and overall more hair.

And I believe this is due to the fact that as Christian men and women we're perhaps more "in tune" to the debauchery of sexual sin (regardless of whether or not we're participating in it) at younger ages (closer to our biological sexual peak / stronger libidos), which in turn convicts us to repent and reach out for help (if need be).  From there, perhaps, as middle age approaches and sexual sin may or may not become a mainstay behavior for us, the internal permissive / dismissiveness sets in. 

You'll recall the Dirty Old Man post from a few weeks back.  It's that mentality that I'm referring to here when I use that word permissiveness.

I don't want to ever be that man.  For it's his willingness to consume smut / compromise his faith that seeds the fields of opportunity for all of those who produce it.  Just as his (low) standards usher in / vaidate all manner of dilution within this world of woe.

But, I must admit, it almost feels inevitable that I lose some degree of my sharpness relative to sexual sin sensitivity.  Therefore, there's no doubt in my mind that only through God's grace can I recollect / relive my youthful days enough to have them work against the dullness of my antiquated conscious.

Keep me awake, Oh Lord.  Allow my gray nose hairs to once again olfactory that distinctive stench of hellfire and brimstone that awaits those who "do what's right within their own eyes" relative to their genitalia.

   

Dirty Old Man / The Allure Of The Seductress - Part 1

Perhaps I was around the age of my youngest daughter when what I'm about to chronicle here occurred.  Maybe around 9 or 10.  I honestly don't remember.  What I do remember is feeling really dirty whilst being exposed to something that no one should ever see.  And too, this was because it was knowingly wrong.  I knew that from within my child conscience at the time.  As we all know, porn is easy to spot, even when - or especially so - when you're young.

Yet, here I was sitting next to this Dirty Old Man on his couch watching the CRT screen as it projected an image that was just too shocking yet also too enthralling for me to look away from for those few minutes. 

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Regularly, when I was a child, neighbors of ours would babysit me after school 'till early evening as my mother worked.  This couple was a little younger than my 'rents, and they had two daughters of their own.  The mother of this household had parents who also lived within our 'hood, and therefore on rare occasion (thankfully), I would be left with them instead (especially if it were over the weekend).  Her parents lived within a ranch house just as everyone else did within "Traceland North" that had the inevitable CRT TV cabinet stationed within the living / den space. 

The Dirty Old Man (my regular babysitter's father) worked as a mailman.  I vividly remember this.  He was small in stature and not surprisingly, there was a striking physical resemblance between father / daughter.  And, in many ways, this resemblance also carried over into their personas.  Callous / jaded are the best words I can come up with to describe both of them based on the vestiges from +/-40 years prior.

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So, here I was on this humid Summer evening on St. Augustine Dr. in Madison (just a few houses down from my own) back in the early '80s watching porn next to this Dirty Old Man.  I remember he kept flipping between the porn channel he desperately wanted to watch and others, but eventually, he simply stationed himself on the images of the countless beauties all lined up and exposing their voluptuous breasts.  To describe it further, a mainstreamish porn program was airing that was essentially a topless beauty pageant, and I believe the host was someone akin to a lookalike, very aroused Lyle Waggoner. 

Thankfully, the Dirty Old Man's wife eventually strolled into the den and scolded him for watching the smut, and this seeded enough conviction for him to flip the channel away from it for good.

Nonetheless, the damage had been done despite there only being a few minutes of exposure on my part.

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I've had men tell me that they've had similar childhood experiences with their own version of the Dirty Old Man, but usually theirs didn't have the element of obvious conflicted seductiveness that mine did.  And what I'm referring to is the allure of the smut that I witnessed as a boy and its affect / impact on the Dirty Old Man.  Please know, I have no recollection of him attempting to "usher me into the world of men" or anything of that sort on this particular evening.  If anything, he was simply annoyed that I was even there that night due to the fact that my presence was no doubt agitating his own very horny conscience.  Therefore, not only was I interrupting his private pleasure viewing but no doubt taking up precious space within his rancher.

So what of the allure of the seductress through porn or even within day to day life coupled with the role of the Dirty Old Man?  Is it she or he (or both) that's to blame here?  If so, why?  Aren't women rightfully qualified to harness whatever means possible to enjoy their lives / promote their own welfare?  Too, aren't men at times simply qualified as rightfully Dirty when they find themselves facing their arousal templates (within beautiful women or otherwise)?  Sexuality is a gift from God, is it not?  Therefore, why did this feel so very wrong to me as a boy?

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Years ago, "Friend Finder" is what an old friend of mine called the hookup site he utilized to connect with two local women remotely.  He took both of these new "Friends" on dates before deciding on one in particular as his newly found romantic partner.  This friend of mine (we'll call him Dean) hadn't dated anyone for as long as I'd known him (+/-5 years).  Instead, it was his many pets that he adored (literally) during what little downtime he had, as he worked long hours as an electrician.  I suppose hookup sites like "Friend Finder" were catered somewhat to introverted men like Dean.  Nonetheless, I remember clearly inviting Dean to bring his new "Friend" with him to my parents' abode for dinner one night in an attempt to respectfully celebrate his newfound relationship.  I did this out of honor and respect for my friend.

First and foremost, the woman he was now dating was physically captivating.  I distinctly remember being caught off guard by how seductive she looked when she stepped out of the car there on my parents' driveway. 

Dean had family money (primarily in the form of land).  Lots of it (for Mississippi).  For that reason as well as his new "Friend's" propensity to encourage Dean to consume alcohol (he was an alcoholic as his father was), Dean's family immediately (mother, sister) grew very suspicious quickly.

But, oh my goodness, this woman was absolutely sexual, ramped up to level ten.  And this seductiveness combined with Dean's years of chastity ushered him into a sexual sin-laden milieu that crushed / warped his pre-"Friend Finder" hyper-rational self.

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As an aside, only on one occasion have I seen a Samson man describe his wife as a sex addict.  In essence, blaming her obliquely for their marriage's travails.  And in response to this shocking revelation, I didn't actually find the sex addict title to necessarily run afoul with my impression of her and her story (as told over time by him to me).  Oddly enough, seeing the two of them together with their children coincidentally seemed to actually confirm some of what he'd shared.  She was off the charts confident in her poise within any and all situations.  And again, her sexualness too, was ramped up to level ten just as my aforementioned old friend's (Dean) lover's was. 

Summing these two ladies up here as follows:  Considering a man like myself (w/ my sexual hard wiring), for these two ladies to invoke even a tad bit of interest / arousal, absolutely proved their "sexualized merit". 

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In closing, Dean's aforementioned "Found Friend" would eventually begin stalking him by sitting in her car outside the restaurant where we'd be eating during the Samson Society "After Meeting".  Dean overtly refused to not answer her text messages, therefore this served as a means for her to track his whereabouts - even whilst attempting to get help via our Christian community.  Eventually, Dean and his "Friend" had a physical altercation at her home (whilst shacking up) that involved one of Dean's beloved handguns.  By God's grace, despite the gun going off, no one was hurt.  This event thankfully served as a wakeup call for Dean to move out as the attorney fees hit his pocketbook  relative to the assault charges she filed against him.

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More questions for us to look into in the future.  Why is it that fornication is considered sin according to Scripture?  I know I've asked this question before within other posts, but obviously it has a multi-faceted answer.

Why is it that Jesus demanded the obedience of his followers' sexual thought life?

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An old Presbyterian friend of mine used to cite the Scriptural passages that equated sexual sin to harnessing fire outside of a secure firebox (fireplace), and therefore demonstratively wreaking uncontrolled havoc on those who handled it so stupidly.

This analogy makes me think every time about my parents as teenagers and the ramifications of their collective poor choices, but primarily, I think about the power that so many women choose to so masterfully wield alongside the Dirty Men (old or otherwise) who play their own role within that seductive dance.  This power and this role we'll discuss further next time.  For I believe, it is one of the most personally capitalistic relationships that exists today within our western world.

Recommended Viewing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKCahy6mmTY

Several

Back when Angie and I were first married (20+ years ago), a good friend of hers from college was slated to be married in Houston, TX, therefore we drove there for the nuptials and while Ang was at the early Saturday morn staging / bridesmaid brunch (the wedding was Saturday afternoon), I chose to use my time alone within a strange city not so wisely.

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I can remember one of my bosses alluding to me potentially finding a record of "hot tub sex" on his laptop's browser back in the early days of the www (dial up).  This occurred whilst asking him if I could borrow it to do some research for an architectural project I was working on.  He obviously didn't know how to clear the browsing history, and subsequently, he blamed his stepson for what I might stumble across, which I thought was both clever and cowardly.

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The adult bookstore I browsed through that day in Houston while Angie was across town at Second Baptist Church had one thing I wanted to experience, and that was the "back rooms" where you could screen porn within what can only be described as "porn stalls" (they're like makeshift ADA compliant bathroom stalls).  I'm not sure how I became familiar with these backrooms being in existence conceptually, but nonetheless, I was intensely curious.  Since this was well before the advent of the www, these backrooms served as an outlet for men to not only screen porn but to hook up with strangers as well (this latter purpose hadn't quite registered with me at the time).

I had visited my local adult bookstore here in Jackson on a few occasions, but I was not about to even inquire if they had a back room area for fear of looking even more perverted / bumping into someone I knew, but in Houston, TX, due to my anonymity, these concerns weren't valid.  Hence, my foray into the seediest, most despondent place I've ever found myself within - literally it's the closest thing I've experienced to hell on Earth in terms of the emotional fallout.

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So, why was I doing this on such a noteworthy Saturday while my wife was preparing to celebrate with her college friend?

I wanted to look at gay porn whilst satisfying my curiosity / rebellious itch.  It was as simple as that.  Plus, I felt empowered / predestined to do so.

And this did occur within one of those "porn stalls" prior to me making a discreet exit.  Thinking back on it now, it was similar to the time I skinny-dipped in our neighborhood swimming pool around 1 AM on a summer morning as a high school student.

After cleaning up (they conveniently provided paper towel dispensers), I decided to never, ever, ever do this again.  It was akin to stepping off into a cesspool of darkness, and the shame inducing clincher for me was the audacity of me willingly participating in these shenanigans behind my new wife's back - while she was at church nonetheless!

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I've had friends who've chosen to also venture down the same adult bookstore back room road that I just described, only to find themselves taking strangers with them back home for sex.

It can happen.  You get a lot of horny men together...within a setting like that...really dark outcomes can result.

And this leads me to our present circumstances relative to the www and the opportunities which abound for hook ups / porn use galore.  Right from the comfort of your own home / office.  But before I go there...

To circle back to my former boss and his stepson story, I never once believed he wasn't the culprit, but too, I didn't get the sense that it was more than a one-time affair.  Of course, I may have been wrong, but my hope is, even to this day, still intact.

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So what is the difference in a one-time event versus a several-time event?  I did title this post as such.

All of us take that first step into sinful behavior.  Whatever it may be.  This behavior is what defines us as fallen.  But its those who return back to that same behavior that are truly selling their souls (I'm convinced of it because I've done it!).

My dad has told me a story (on a few occasions) of him traveling on business as a young man, and taking the opportunity to consume pay-per-view porn within his hotel room.  Apparently, he was up most of the night as he took advantage of the privacy / convenience.  From there, he made a commitment to never return to that sinful behavior, and knowing my father, he kept that promise to himself from that point forward, knowing full well that sexual sin just isn't a problem for him and never will be.

When I was at my lowest point whilst working in Cleveland, MS, it was both the isolation as well as the gosh awful shame born out of - yet again - returning to Internet porn use.  Oh how much self-loathing I was in bondage to!  It was absolutely suffocating.  Hence, I was desperate for rescue and relief!

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Sometimes, we must get to that point.  That point where our "solution" literally begins to rip our souls in two in order for us to be in the very best place of desperation.  Desperation which precedes God's hand of impactful acting deliverance.

I have a Samson friend who I've known for many years now.  He's not active within the community but once was here in Jackson back when there was only one centralized group.  His communication with me is and has always been fragmented / sporadic, but nonetheless succinct and therefore enough to sustain the cursory relationship.  For quite some time, he's reached out to me during his lowest periods, and I've always been honored to lend an ear.  Whether it was related to his struggles with alcohol, his family, his health, work or his sexuality.

Last Friday, I received a call from him, having not heard anything for a few months.  He was in a tough spot again with his health and work.

So, I listened and we prayed.

But then later on during that same day, he disclosed the truth about where he actually was holistically (figuratively) as well as what he'd been up to since we last spoke.

And that's when my heart broke, and I found myself reliving vicariously those final months whilst in Cleveland, MS.  The sense of powerlessness was immense combined with the fear and desperate heartache for my rebellious brother.

And I'm still there in many ways, even as I type this.

There's something to be said - as human beings - for dabbling in sin.  It truly is what defines us like a viral infection that affects every part of our lives.  That being said, it's genuinely stupid and high risk yet very, very normal.  But it becomes altogether different when you commit yourself to that sinful behavior, forgetting these truths, returning again and again to choices which will ultimately lead to certain death.  May all of us see that slippery slope.  God help us all to long for redemption and rescue from ourselves before it's too late.

Powercoitus

+/-10 years ago, I dedicated myself to strength training / bodybuilding.  I started with a once a week workout before (after 6 months) graduating to twice a week.  7 or 8 years ago, I trained for a 5k with a group from Lakeside Pres and haven't looked back.  So, at the present, I strength train twice a week and run twice a week.  As a boy who shied away from athletics, instead embracing music and art, this was a significant paradigm shift for me that wasn't easy in the least.

Most middle age Mississippi men are overweight as a result of zero involvement in physical activity.  Fried foods and loads of carbs are their mainstay southern meals, topped off with either booze or diet soda.

And oddly enough, Christian men seem no different overall here in the great state of Mississippi.  I didn't want that for myself long-term despite the fact that it feels like a natural progression as men age.

This trend is fueled by a lackadaisical mindset towards being fit that's become epidemic.  Hence, a man's tastebuds rule along with his eyes.

See it, smell it = eat it (lots of it).  Physical fitness = zero interest.

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On Christmas Day last year, I went for a run with one of my daughters who was riding her bike beside.  I believe it was around 10 AM.  Our typical route is essentially an access road that runs parallel to adjacent neighborhoods to our own.  From what I recall, it was sunny out and very mild.  Whilst making our way to our turnaround point 1.5 miles from our house, I couldn't help but notice an SUV loaded up with four fat, unkempt mid-30s white men who were all glued to their pocket computers, poking and scrolling, punching and loving on those precious things.  20 minutes later, during our return trip, they were more or less in the exact same spot idling in the middle of the road, all doing the exact same thing.

Then I realized what they were doing.  Call it a cultural epiphany.

Christmas Day Pokémon.

I then stopped running and walked up to the vehicle.  It took a few seconds for anyone inside to take note of my presence before the driver rolled down his window.  From there, I asked him if I could pray for them.  He stared at me whilst rapidly blinking.  I then reached in and grabbed one of his hands.  He reflexively put down his cellphone and bowed his head.  My off the cuff prayer for these men went something like this.

"Dear Lord.  Thank you for this Christmas and for Jesus who we celebrate on this special day.  We pray this morning for a mindset of honor and respect towards your holiness and love for us.  We ask that you help us to be men who acknowledge the gift of your son, Jesus, throughout our lives.  Go with us throughout the remainder of this day.  In Jesus name I pray, amen."

From there, I smiled, thanked them and continued to run.  And I haven't seen them since.

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Over the past few weeks, I have made one change to my strength training regimen, and that's incorporating powerlifting (or some semblance thereof).  Powerlifting is maximum weight, but for Rob it's really just much more weight than I'm used to for a few less reps.  Still, it's been a shock to my system on one hand while truly invigorating me on the other.  There's something about pushing myself towards a breaking point within 10 steady, very heavy reps.  In fact, it actually hurts to do these reps at some of my joints.  All in all though, it's energizing to test my limits.  In many ways, I feel as if I've trained all these years to now move to this next logical level.  And not because I'm trying to prove something or gain additional muscle mass.  Instead, I'd like to think I'm headed in this direction as a natural physical progression - particularly considering that I'm not naturally athletic by any means.

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Back in 2014, a client of my 'rents up in the Mississippi Delta was interested in having us assist their hourly employees with enrolling them into Obamacare, therefore I was volunteered to take on this task.  Most of these were good natured, hardworking men who'd been employed there for some time.  It was interesting to assist them in enrolling, and obviously I learned a lot as they answered each enrollment question personally.

One fairly young man stated that he had fathered a dozen children via a dozen different women.  I asked him why, and he said he'd always wanted a lot of kids.  Thinking back on that today, I believe Eddie Murphy has a similar story that he's made no attempt to shy away from.  It also makes me think of men within countries like Belize or Africa where the notion of engaging in powercoitus is a way of life.

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So what is powercoitus?

It's the natural progression of intercourse when it's exclusively classified as a physical activity, divorced completely from the emotional / spiritual.  Not unlike strength training or running.

Coitus is meant to stay within the confines of marriage.  Whilst there, it represents the union between husband and wife.  But, of course, that's only by choice.  It's not like a husband's wiener will only fit within his wife's vagina.

So, what lays the groundwork for men to progress towards powercoitus?

Sexual activity early in life and multiple sex partners either prior to or during marriage.  Not to mention a propensity for some men to emotionally engage exclusively via sexual activity.

My Silas has stated that if there's one thing he could erase from his past, it would be his memories of the women he'd intercoursed with prior to marriage.  And this is due to the fact that those memories gnaw at him even today.  To be more specific, they complicate his relationship with his wife because they're part of a narrative that should never have been written with his body.

The Bible cites sinning against one's body.  Especially as a Christian, it identifies the body as the temple of the Holy Spirit.  Therefore, sins committed against one's body are distinct, and unfortunately make a lasting impression.

And this is where powercoitus begins to seed itself as a naturally feeling, physical progression.  All the while, the spirit of God living in us as Christians is prostituted.

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A new friend of mine (tangential to Samson Society), who's a resident of sunny Florida, has been married for decades to his beautiful wife.  They're in their late 50s, have grown children and numerous grandchildren.  This man is also into strength training (as is his wife), and we connected thanks to Mr. Nate Larkin at some point late last year.  It's been my privilege to walk with Todd over the past few months.

Throughout Todd's marriage, he's been unfaithful via +/-80 sex partners, and none of this powercoitus was anything more (initially) than for the fun of sexual activity alone.  On some occasions, the sexual relationship would develop into a friendship as well, but always, the initiator / language of connection (if you will) was sex.  If you do the math, taking into account a 20 year period of time, that equates to one new sex partner per quarter (every 90 days).  And that, dear reader, is a typical example of powercoitus.

Whilst dialoguing with my new friend about this eye-opening part of his story, he admitted that many, many more sex partners came to be - over the past 5 to 8 years - thanks to the advent of hookup apps.

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And that leads me to my conclusion.

Money making technology is being created / refined daily to exploit men's fleshly bent towards powercoitus.  That is sexual activity with no strings attached.  Hook ups.  Friends with benefits.  The swinger lifestyle.  And it's leading an awful lot of people straight to hell.

Therefore,

beware of powercoitus.  It feels so right and looks to make sense as a natural progression, but like everything else that works against God's will, it's a massive deception.

Lagniappe