Yesterday, last week, a year ago this morning
I was sitting, still thinkin about where I'm going
I'm tired, worn down and out but when did that happen?
It's hard to point, grab or hold, behold the past that flashes fast out of my sight right when I fight for clarity this part of me was never free yet how do I see what wasn't me?
The mad dash, sudden crash and hopeful snatch of something finally real inside my hopeful cry full of the gift of desperation. Take a step, no thats the wrong one, back to square one, forgotten floor God's in it with me and just for a second, I see something.
My wornout life, half my strife has hurt my wife and though its trite my flight was striking hard at hearts like firey darts of doubt pain shame and blame it scarred my name and mades me want to fake my fame so I could be the same as people who did not seem to not be seen like I was or to be unseen like I was by Mom or Dad, who both forgot me, teachers friends, I had nobody, noone there to talk about the darkness or deep desires of heart, sure there was God, but he was a way to please my Mom so she would feel like I was good not hurt, smart not falling short of expectations, yet I failed so much in her eyes it formed my eyes to see what she saw just a failed, broken, beaten boy who never was or will be enough to bouy above it all, but sink.
Deep and down down drown in all the pain shame, let's do this again...
Patterns repeat and repeat and re preach all the lies to my heart that you can not get far and you just should give up, no point to go on, there is freedom from needs in oblivion.
How do I flip the coin, reroll the dice, make the next move that will bring me new life? My deep suspicion is that this kind of mission is one that I cannot hope to do without Him.
So what do I say I don't know how to speak it. Christianese isn't the dialect that feels good. So what other words can I use to describe someone who would could has changed me? Who I spat on and cursed at, drowned out and shut down, hated, ignored, I chose dirt over gold.
It's especially hard when the steps are all ragged, I look back and can't see past the ravage. The dust is still settling, the print sets still tumbling to ditch after ditch after ditch after ditch.
Yet above it all, in the dust, in the ditch, there is a still current, a gentle pull forward, a quiet, silent, knowing, a seekable presence.
An answer.
A promise.
Keep going.
Thursday, October 15, 2026
A Samson Brother's Poem
Can't Make It to Michigan? The Summit Is Coming to You!
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Monday, October 12, 2026
Last Call: Summit Registration Closes TODAY!
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Sunday, October 11, 2026
Weirdo Commitment
The most disappointing Samson "National Retreat" for Rob was one of the first, if not the first, I ever attended. The year was likely 2017, and it was during the autumn month of November. The setting was a state park in middle Tennessee (not too far outside of Nashville). Originally, this "National Retreat" was touted as a "Samson leadership retreat" with the focus being Samson brothers interested in / currently hosting meetings.
The reason for this was the primary focus of this particular national Samson event was to introduce the notion of launching virtual Samson meetings via Zoom or whatever platform was available back in the day (2018).
The disappointment came from who I ended up having to room with (we were housed in a motel wing that was attached to the State Park Lodge building). At the very last minute, a certain in-person Samson brother agreed to attend (at the behest of my Silas), and off the four of us went. Upon our arrival, I swallowed my anger and compliantly chose to room with this loser.
It's actually quite commendable that I ever returned after this frustrating National Samson Retreat. Especially considering that everyone else within the local Samson community hung up their hats - mostly for good - pertaining to this annual event. Which, of course, left me on my own to attend throughout the years going forward.
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Over the past two years, I've taken control of my roommate situation (I gave up on the bunkhouses in '23), but last year resulted in me quickly realizing that year two would be it for me and a similarly unique (weirdo) Samson brother (from the Deep South) sharing sleeping quarters.
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4-5 years ago, a dear friend (he being more close to me than I to him) from GA drove over to Eva, TN, having agreed to attend that year's National Retreat. He chose to stay offsite in some sort of state park cabin. I came to find out later that he spent the majority of his time at the cabin texting / talking to his wife in light of him being far more comfortable with her than (strange, foreign) Samson guys (or really any guys, for that matter). What a disappointment it was to find that out.
Nonetheless, we remained friends until earlier this year.
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When I was a high school student, I was active in our church's youth ministry. And I was so because I immediately understood its finite specialness (very, very few adolescents had access to what I was privileged to be a part of). Therefore, every summer, attending the youth summer trip was nonnegotiable for Rob. Specifically, I did this because I knew there were only so many opportunities therein. Because I was such the anomaly within that group (persona, school, demographic), I often ended up assigned to summer trip room with the other freaks. And I grew to love it. They were so much fun to bunk with! Plus, there's simply always been a place in my heart for the inevitable weirdos.
My wife was one of those. That's one of the many reasons I was attracted to her as both a friend and a lover. She was just so weird (& thankfully still is).
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At last year's Summit, in light of my then desire to find "a new roommate direction" going forward, I took it upon myself to plan WELL IN ADVANCE of '26 by hastily asking a new friend (who I met during the first day at the NM Summit) about rooming together in '26. What was hysterical regarding this desperate attempt was my new friend was an exceedingly obvious cool kid (great looking, upper class demographic, straight, etc.) who was not at all comfortable committing as such so far in advance (much less with Rob)!
Thankfully, earlier this year, my (weirdo!) Silas agreed to take this big man on campus' position. This will amount to such the blessing.
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I'm excited too about visiting Michigan. I love and have almost always loved automobiles. Visiting Motor City will no doubt be a treat in that regard. Too, traveling through Ann Arbor (home of Car & Driver) will be special and symbolic.
Attending the Samson Summit this year will represent a true leveling up for Rob. Partly because Samson is at a juncture that's destined to position itself well for another decade (at least), and having embraced the virtual community to the degree that I have (since December '21), I feel 100% "part of the team" versus the gay guy from Mississippi who's only involved due to his internal dedication / commitment.
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A month or so ago, I had a Samson brother decouple from me as his Silas. And though that's not unusual / inevitable, due to our VERY short tenure as Silas / Silee, I have to admit that it was jarring. And especially so from the standpoint that I'd been experiencing (immediately prior to his decoupling) an annual (vocational) stress / shame conundrum (2+2=5).
This brother was no doubt hiding something to have aborted, but it still felt like a "this is all my fault" gut punch. Silas / Silee relations need to gestate properly in order for the true benefits / measured latitudes to be reaped. Nonetheless, between the two of us, that simply wasn't to be.
Last night, out of the blue, I was asked to be the Silas of a man I haven't spoke with since late summer. He happened to be part of one of my newcomers meeting "classrooms" earlier this year, and though we'd only had one follow up meeting (at my request due to his unique roots), there was zero commitment going forward. And this young man is absolutely out of my league, yet due to my sincerity / care, that seems to be of no consequence. As such, I'm hopeful going forward for connecting with a man who's that much potential truly is breathtaking to think through.
I'm very blessed to be a part of this parachurch ministry. It's very exhausting but never not worth it. For me, it truly feels / demands similarly as family does.
Only Two Days Left! Don't Miss The 2026 Samson Summit.
The clock is ticking!
We're down to the final 48 hours to register for the 2026 Samson Summit in Grass Lake, Michigan! If you've been thinking about joining us, now is the time to make it happen.
This year's Summit, Written in Grace, is an invitation to see your story through a different lens—not through shame, regret, or the things you wish you could change, but through the transforming power of grace.
We're gathering for a weekend of honest conversations, meaningful connections, laughter, encouragement, and the kind of authentic brotherhood that makes Samson so special.
Here's what you can look forward to:
John Lynch, our keynote speaker, sharing his powerful message of grace and authenticity.
Josh Bales, bringing music that invites reflection, connection, and worship.
Meaningful sessions exploring our stories, recovery, and the freedom found in grace.
Opportunities to connect with brothers from across the country—both familiar faces and new friendships.
Time to step away from the noise of everyday life and experience the gift of being fully known and accepted.
Don't let another year pass wishing you'd made the trip. There's something different about being in the room, sharing meals, having conversations that continue long after the sessions end, and experiencing brotherhood face-to-face.
If you've been waiting for the right moment to commit, this is it.
Registration closes in just TWO DAYS.
Can't join us in person? Register for the virtual Summit, sponsored by Covenant Eyes, and receive five bonus sessions as a free gift!
Friday, October 9, 2026
Four More Days To Join Us In Michigan
If you’ve been thinking about coming but haven’t registered yet, now is the time.
This year, we’re gathering around the theme Written in Grace—an invitation to look at our stories differently. Not through the lens of shame, failure, or the things we wish we could rewrite, but through the grace of a God who has been present in every chapter.
The Summit is more than a lineup of speakers and sessions. It’s time away with men who understand the road you’re walking. It’s conversations that continue long after a session ends. It’s laughter, shared meals, time outdoors, and the opportunity to deepen the friendships that make recovery something we don’t have to do alone.
John Lynch will join us as our keynote speaker, along with a great lineup of men who will challenge us to see our stories, our recovery, and God’s grace in new ways.
If you can get yourself to Michigan, we’d love to have you there.
Four days remain. Register today and join your brothers at the 2026 Samson Summit.
Come as you are. See your story through grace. Find your brothers.
We’ll see you in Michigan.
Can't join us in person? Register for the virtual Summit, sponsored by Covenant Eyes, and receive five bonus sessions as a free gift!