The Loser Husband is the one who's truly "married up". We joke about that, but you know what I'm referring to. Think seriously misbalanced asymmetry (taking Biblical complementarian teachings into consideration).
In the past, I believe the Loser Husband was much more the norm. He existed because our culture provided opportunistically for his existence.
And this was simply due to how expected / necessary (to survive / thrive) it was for women to marry / have children. But that's not the case anymore. Women, these days, are overall better educated, more tech savvy, physically healthier, and on and on. Hence, they're allowed to be much more cautious about choosing a husband in light of settling for a Loser.
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So, what is a Loser Husband exactly?
They're husbands who refuse to lead their families, and I have found that they do this mostly via a distinctly passive approach. In other words, most of them attempt to dress for the part of headship, but underneath, their wife is simply another manifestation of their momma (real or imagined). Based on my observations, this husband "type" is typically highly intelligent / articulate, and therefore well aware of this preferential mother / son setup / dynamic between himself & his wife. Think of them as very savvy boymen.
As such, assuming she's an emotionally, spiritually healthy Christian wife, this woman is saddled with responsibility that should be considered unnecessarily burdensome due to the fact that she's privy to her own image-bearer limitations as a female. Plus, it's simply embarrassing leading around / serving up to their boyman.
It's a bad situation (unnecessarily burdensome) for her and for her children. Much worse, I would argue, than dealing with a husband who's made poor choices as it pertains to sexual sin (porn use, infidelity) and is deeply remorseful & therefore willing to get therapeutic help.
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This topic is top of mind for me today because Angie and I have a few friends who're wives of Loser Husbands, and we're praying / hoping their situation will someday improve. And these women ARE NOT pleased with their situations, yet this truth isn't public (though readily apparent to those within her orbit).
In closing, there are marriages where the wife prefers this upside-down scenario. I find that most of those women are mentally ill. We're seeing less & less of this setup though due to the fact that mental illness is being diagnosed / treated so much more readily than in previous generations.
Please pray for our female friends and their marriages.
