I have Covenant Eyes on every Internet capable device I have access to, and the reason for this is I cannot be trusted online whilst by myself. As an introvert, in particular, the Internet presents an opportunity for Rob to escape into the digital abyss, and I've taken this approach so many times prior that it's now my default online modus operandi. Covenant Eyes in a sentinel program that constantly monitors my screen(s) for salacious imagery via its algorithmic magic. From there, it compiles screenshots that the software believes should be reviewed by my accountability partners - every few days, once a week, & so forth. And those accountability partners receive those reports via scheduled emails.
A few months back, I get this forwarded email from my accountability partner. It was one of my Covenant Eyes reports titled "Recommended Review for Rob" and within were all these blurry thumbnail-sized screenshots. The images were obviously amateur photos of a buck naked man who looked as if he were either absolutely caught off guard or having a grand time.
My heart stopped beating and time stood still.
"Oh no."
The photos were selfies of none other than me.
-------------------------
My mother cheated on my dad when I was between 9 and 10 years old. I was in 4th grade, and as an only child, I vividly remember the massive familial fallout relative to this ongoing tryst. The man who seduced my mom was her boss, and apparently, he was quite the specimen of an older man. Based on what my father has shared with me regarding this harrowing season within their marriage, "Ron" was so intimidating / influential that my dad refused to confront him. Instead, he hired a private investigator to follow them, take photos, bug their hotel rooms, etc. From there, he had the goods on my mom to nail her to the wall, all the while sinking into a deep despair as the love of his life betrayed him over and over again.
But (for better or worse - I honestly don't know which) instead of him choosing to take a legal stand, he chose to stay with her, but as punishment for her 6+ month (or longer) long fling, he decried her forever, unequivocally untrustworthy. Therefore even today, he holds all of this illicit behavior over her head. It's nauseating to witness, yet her own self-loathing that grew out of this tryst actually feeds off of his scorn and continually indirect shaming. Therefore, as you can imagine, all of this dysfunction has made a distinct impression on me as the Junior.
Keep in mind too, I'm a 48-year old man, therefore this adulterous event occurred almost 40 years ago when my parents were both in their mid to late-twenties. Their marriage was almost brand new, and they were very young. All in all though, it's a freaking long time for anyone to live under their spouse's thumb, yet that's the summation of the tolerated dynamics within their very unhealthy yet not at all unique marriage arrangement.
-------------------------
Northpark Mall was brought online in Ridgeland, MS in the early '80s, and man, it was no doubt a huge retail success for central Mississippi. My few friends and I would hang out there most every weekend, and eventually, once I turned 15, I began working there at the Chick-A-Fil. Good memories.
I distinctly remember the interior color palette and many of the seemingly neverending storefront retailers. It was the epicenter of activity during the 1980s. A venerable church of consumerism.
This past Saturday, my family met my parents at the Renaissance mall which is also in Ridgeland. This retail complex was brought online in the relatively recent past, and just as Northpark was during it's heyday, it's been a huge commercial success. As we did our fair share of loitering, I began to feel quite nostalgic.
The differences though between these two mall experiences are just distinct enough (taking the decades between their origins into account) for its patrons to believe that they're experiencing something completely new and different, but they're really not. Overall, they're all put together just like every other retail mall mousetrap just with a revised shine for the next generation of consumers.
-------------------------
Jesus made quite the declaration when he told his followers that lust in a man's heart equated to adultery.
Do what? Did I hear that one correctly?
That's what he said.
He did this because he obviously knew man's heart well enough to portend that sin originates from there.
I walk a fine line whilst choosing to lust. Overall, I have a deep seated understanding of just how devastating infidelity can be to a marriage / family. Just as my own children have a firsthand experience with watching their parents suffer through a spouse's debilitating illness and all the ramifications therein.
But, an experiential vaccine does not provide 100% immunity. No vaccine does.
I'm still vulnerable, if not moreso - considering my pedigree.
-------------------------
One of the first questions my Covenant Eyes accountability partner asked me regarding the aforementioned report was "What is going on?". He couldn't tell via the blurry thumbnail photos within my report that they were of Rob. Therefore, I explained, and from there, he asked who I'd sent them to. I replied by saying "No one". And that was the truth.
But it served as a needed wake up call.
No more selfies. No matter how novel or mainstream the experience may seem.
Thanks be to God for Covenant Eyes and my accountability partner.
-------------------------
The entire foundation of western culture is built on novelty. We as a people celebrate it, revere it, worship it. Therefore, it permeates everything within corporate America, and as such its influence is exponential.
I would argue that most trysts grow out of this same dumb reflex of ours as human beings whether it involves the latest technology gimmick or otherwise.
We human beings really are sheep. So stupid. So impressionable. So easily deceived. Yet, our Enemy lies to us constantly regarding this.
"You will surely not die."
No comments:
Post a Comment