Yet, here I was sitting next to this Dirty Old Man on his couch watching the CRT screen as it projected an image that was just too shocking yet also too enthralling for me to look away from for those few minutes.
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Regularly, when I was a child, neighbors of ours would babysit me after school 'till early evening as my mother worked. This couple was a little younger than my 'rents, and they had two daughters of their own. The mother of this household had parents who also lived within our 'hood, and therefore on rare occasion (thankfully), I would be left with them instead (especially if it were over the weekend). Her parents lived within a ranch house just as everyone else did within "Traceland North" that had the inevitable CRT TV cabinet stationed within the living / den space.
The Dirty Old Man (my regular babysitter's father) worked as a mailman. I vividly remember this. He was small in stature and not surprisingly, there was a striking physical resemblance between father / daughter. And, in many ways, this resemblance also carried over into their personas. Callous / jaded are the best words I can come up with to describe both of them based on the vestiges from +/-40 years prior.
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So, here I was on this humid Summer evening on St. Augustine Dr. in Madison (just a few houses down from my own) back in the early '80s watching porn next to this Dirty Old Man. I remember he kept flipping between the porn channel he desperately wanted to watch and others, but eventually, he simply stationed himself on the images of the countless beauties all lined up and exposing their voluptuous breasts. To describe it further, a mainstreamish porn program was airing that was essentially a topless beauty pageant, and I believe the host was someone akin to a lookalike, very aroused Lyle Waggoner.
Thankfully, the Dirty Old Man's wife eventually strolled into the den and scolded him for watching the smut, and this seeded enough conviction for him to flip the channel away from it for good.
Nonetheless, the damage had been done despite there only being a few minutes of exposure on my part.
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I've had men tell me that they've had similar childhood experiences with their own version of the Dirty Old Man, but usually theirs didn't have the element of obvious conflicted seductiveness that mine did. And what I'm referring to is the allure of the smut that I witnessed as a boy and its affect / impact on the Dirty Old Man. Please know, I have no recollection of him attempting to "usher me into the world of men" or anything of that sort on this particular evening. If anything, he was simply annoyed that I was even there that night due to the fact that my presence was no doubt agitating his own very horny conscience. Therefore, not only was I interrupting his private pleasure viewing but no doubt taking up precious space within his rancher.
So what of the allure of the seductress through porn or even within day to day life coupled with the role of the Dirty Old Man? Is it she or he (or both) that's to blame here? If so, why? Aren't women rightfully qualified to harness whatever means possible to enjoy their lives / promote their own welfare? Too, aren't men at times simply qualified as rightfully Dirty when they find themselves facing their arousal templates (within beautiful women or otherwise)? Sexuality is a gift from God, is it not? Therefore, why did this feel so very wrong to me as a boy?
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Years ago, "Friend Finder" is what an old friend of mine called the hookup site he utilized to connect with two local women remotely. He took both of these new "Friends" on dates before deciding on one in particular as his newly found romantic partner. This friend of mine (we'll call him Dean) hadn't dated anyone for as long as I'd known him (+/-5 years). Instead, it was his many pets that he adored (literally) during what little downtime he had, as he worked long hours as an electrician. I suppose hookup sites like "Friend Finder" were catered somewhat to introverted men like Dean. Nonetheless, I remember clearly inviting Dean to bring his new "Friend" with him to my parents' abode for dinner one night in an attempt to respectfully celebrate his newfound relationship. I did this out of honor and respect for my friend.
First and foremost, the woman he was now dating was physically captivating. I distinctly remember being caught off guard by how seductive she looked when she stepped out of the car there on my parents' driveway.
Dean had family money (primarily in the form of land). Lots of it (for Mississippi). For that reason as well as his new "Friend's" propensity to encourage Dean to consume alcohol (he was an alcoholic as his father was), Dean's family immediately (mother, sister) grew very suspicious quickly.
But, oh my goodness, this woman was absolutely sexual, ramped up to level ten. And this seductiveness combined with Dean's years of chastity ushered him into a sexual sin-laden milieu that crushed / warped his pre-"Friend Finder" hyper-rational self.
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As an aside, only on one occasion have I seen a Samson man describe his wife as a sex addict. In essence, blaming her obliquely for their marriage's travails. And in response to this shocking revelation, I didn't actually find the sex addict title to necessarily run afoul with my impression of her and her story (as told over time by him to me). Oddly enough, seeing the two of them together with their children coincidentally seemed to actually confirm some of what he'd shared. She was off the charts confident in her poise within any and all situations. And again, her sexualness too, was ramped up to level ten just as my aforementioned old friend's (Dean) lover's was.
Summing these two ladies up here as follows: Considering a man like myself (w/ my sexual hard wiring), for these two ladies to invoke even a tad bit of interest / arousal, absolutely proved their "sexualized merit".
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In closing, Dean's aforementioned "Found Friend" would eventually begin stalking him by sitting in her car outside the restaurant where we'd be eating during the Samson Society "After Meeting". Dean overtly refused to not answer her text messages, therefore this served as a means for her to track his whereabouts - even whilst attempting to get help via our Christian community. Eventually, Dean and his "Friend" had a physical altercation at her home (whilst shacking up) that involved one of Dean's beloved handguns. By God's grace, despite the gun going off, no one was hurt. This event thankfully served as a wakeup call for Dean to move out as the attorney fees hit his pocketbook relative to the assault charges she filed against him.
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More questions for us to look into in the future. Why is it that fornication is considered sin according to Scripture? I know I've asked this question before within other posts, but obviously it has a multi-faceted answer.
Why is it that Jesus demanded the obedience of his followers' sexual thought life?
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An old Presbyterian friend of mine used to cite the Scriptural passages that equated sexual sin to harnessing fire outside of a secure firebox (fireplace), and therefore demonstratively wreaking uncontrolled havoc on those who handled it so stupidly.
This analogy makes me think every time about my parents as teenagers and the ramifications of their collective poor choices, but primarily, I think about the power that so many women choose to so masterfully wield alongside the Dirty Men (old or otherwise) who play their own role within that seductive dance. This power and this role we'll discuss further next time. For I believe, it is one of the most personally capitalistic relationships that exists today within our western world.
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