"I'm Fed Up With This Church / Pastor / Congregation!"

Here in Mississippi, there's a Protestant church on almost every corner, and this is especially true in the metro suburbs / small towns.  

Why is this the case?

Churches are a dime a dozen here for numerous reasons, but one (typically unspoken) reason that can't be ignored is the infamous church-split.

Churches splitting or splintering can be quite the acrimonious affair.  An affair that's often rooted in either theological, pastoral or stylistic dissonance amongst the parishioners.

Many church offshoots (as a result of a split) die within just a few years (if not months), but others find their feet and grow notwithstanding their Zero Hour.  Hence, splitting or splintering off happens every so often as parishioners feel so moved to take - what they believe is - necessary risks to get what they want.

All in all, if you're a parishioner who's "Fed Up!" with some aspect of your church home, you're by far not an original trope.  And I think it's important to realize this.  For there's often a sense of vigilance (versus humility) that's the true source of "fed-upness".  As such, the ramifications therein need to be taken holistically into account.   

-------------------------

Going a little deeper relative to this topic, before you decide to walk away from a healthy church body, forgoing your / your family's membership there, consider how your doing so will long-term impact your family.

If you're a father to children between the ages of 8 to 21 (assuming you have parental rights intact), your aforementioned decision MUST TAKE THEIR SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING INTO ACCOUNT if your desire is to see your children / grandchildren grow in stature via Christendom.  

That being said, I do realize there are fathers who completely decouple themselves from this "spiritual responsibility" towards their children, but I believe it's important to realize that their approach isn't at all biblical.  

-------------------------

My family's (Bob, Darlene & I) involvement in First Baptist Church Jackson, being pastored then by Dr. Frank Pollard (throughout the '80s), was pivotal.  This church taught / nourished both my parents and myself (throughout my "growing up" years), meeting each of us where we were as individuals.  No doubt, it was / has been a foundational life-changing experience for each of us.

Bob & Darlene (my parents) were completely spiritually hands-off as parents, and this was because they simply didn't feel comfortable mentoring their only child in that regard.  Mostly, that discomfort was rooted in neither of them having the necessary spiritual / biblical foundation to execute, taking into account their youth (both of them were teenagers when I was born).

And this is where our church (First Baptist Church Jackson) mightily stood in the gap, on their behalf.

Whether it was Sunday School, youth ministry, college ministry, worship services, youth choir involvement, youth ministry trips*, youth ensemble involvement / experiences - all of these week after week after week - MADE A DECIDED IMPACT ON ROB.

*I was lassoed in by the gospel during the summer before my 7th grade year in Mount Lebanon, TX.

-------------------------

Lastly, I know too there are parents out there who encourage their teenagers to be involved within a church's youth ministry (of their choosing) sans their parents.  But I would argue that this isn't the same setup as what I experienced.

Most teenagers who attend church regularly are doing so alongside their parents / grandparents / guardians.  This is the norm, and teenagers benefit from this normalcy.

-------------------------

In closing, if you're "Fed Up!", I'd argue that it may be best to swallow hard before you jump ship.  The spiritual future of your children / grandchildren / great-grandchildren will no doubt be greatly impacted by your reaction to your feelings about your church.

And let's all remember this truth:  Feelings rarely can be trusted (especially when we're in bondage to chronic sin patterns).

Those Wounds Are No More

Earlier this year, I was appointed to serve on a volunteer board for a local nonprofit.  All of our active board members (6 individuals) had to take part in some overarching (annual) training yesterday, (4/29), and that training grouped us together with a number of other "affiliate (localized - statewide) boards" that duly represent this national org throughout the Magnolia State.

The training was most of the day, starting around 8 AM at a local community college's workforce training center, and overall, there were around 50 volunteers present, representing most regions of Mississippi.

Within the first minute or two of finding my seat, I realized the former Human Resources Director from Delta State University (the institution I was terminated from in September of 2013 for breaking their IT policy) had also sat down.  Her table was at a 90-degree angle to my own, therefore I was literally within her direct line of sight.  No doubt she was there representing the Cleveland, MS affiliate as a volunteer board member herself.

I hadn't seen this woman but for just a few short minutes since my termination, and that was in 2015, therefore A LOT of water had passed under the bridge since then.

-------------------------

This past Thursday, (4/28) during my weekly "Make Thursdays Great Again" virtual Samson Society meeting, an old friend (I met him at Lakeside Pres in '09) also attended.  Having never had anyone else from Mississippi join this virtual group, it was so cool having him there.  Especially considering his abode is only +/-3 miles from my own here in Rankin County (where he too was Zooming in).

Mr. Justin Schwind, "Make Thursdays Great Again" facilitator, made my invited friend feel welcome, and as usual, it was a great Samson Society meeting (+/-25 attendees) with the word being "false self".

What's really special about this is me, taking into account how long I've sang the praises of Samson Society to this friend, is now seeing both his schedule (allowing him to participate) and desire coalescence.

Too, this man was the first parishioner at Lakeside Presbyterian Church that I told my story to.  And as a result, he didn't shun me.  In fact, the opposite actually occurred which was very unexpected at the time.

As such, for many years, he and I would make a point to supplement our time together at church with a lunch or two, on occasion, but after the Turners' return from Cleveland, MS (immediately following my termination in 2013), I found that his life circumstances had ratcheted up considerably.  That combined with my shame over what had gone down in the immediate past, made for an easy series of excuses to leave him be.

-------------------------

I immediately rose from my seat and made my way over to my former Delta State University colleague.  Today, this woman is in her mid to late 60s, and as I was doing so, I remembered sending her an apology letter (not long after my termination and subsequent return to the Jackson Metro) where I revealed how intimidating she was to Rob.

Yesterday morning, she wasn't intimidating in the least.  In fact, she actually looked really tired.  Almost to the point of concern.  

It took her a few seconds to recognize me (my stick-on name tag helped) before she cracked her stock wry smile.  We spoke our pleasantries, and then I returned to my seat, nary a blip in increased blood pressure.  

Surprisingly, I didn't think one additional thought about her from that point forward.  

Throughout the all-day training class, with her sitting just a few feet from me, it was as if we'd almost never worked together during that very challenging year of my life.

-------------------------

After the "Make Thursdays Great Again" virtual Samson Society meeting concluded (around 8 PM CST), I sent my old Mississippi friend a few follow-up text messages before signing off for the evening.

And just a quick sidenote:  Earlier this week, I was really missing some of the face-to-face Samson guy interactions I've had conveniently available to me in the past.  As such, I felt God speak into my life regarding this, reminding me to trust him with it completely.

Of course, I have to wonder where all of this is leading with my newly reconnected Mississippi friend.  Will he take to Samson Society as I did - long-term?  Is the timing truly right for him to in this regard?  What about our friendship?  Will it blossom further, for such a time as this?  

-------------------------

Having had the powerfully humbling experience I had Friday with my former colleague from DSU, I wouldn't be able to doubt God with my decried needs (nor my aforementioned questions) even if I tried.

It is remarkable how closely our God knows our true self, mediates for us, heals us.

My faith continues to grow as he demonstrates his hands-on care for Rob.  His love for me is more real than it's ever been, and I can only have expectant hope for more to come.

Happy Easter!

 Happy Easter!

Lagniappe

We Know That Jesus Ascended Into Heaven +/-30 Days After His Resurrection, & That Now He's Seated At The Right Hand Of God, The Father. Considering That Biblical Truth, Wherein Lies His Humanity Today?

The older I get, the more I appreciate / feel at peace with my God-given 49-year-old physical body, and thereby am less focused on others' (bodies).  It's embarrassing to reminiscence on just how consumed I was - as my younger self - with certain others' bodies (hot, athletically-built guys), but as a highly visual guy, I'm of the opinion that I was not the exception (my sexuality notwithstanding).

Looking at others and seeing physical beauty in a person's body / face, whether it's the entire package or a portion therein, always felt very, very wrong - morally - to be doing.  But I was a naive "kid in a candy store" as a found myself growing from boy to man.  With zero direct fatherly guidance, much less a sounding board to respectfully query during my adolescence, my self-image took a double beating.  The repetitiveness of which only served to promulgate further my obsession with seemingly everyone else's culturally normalized masculinity - to my own's detriment.

Exacerbating all of this internal loathing was '80s / early '90s entertainment (television / film / periodicals).  And, of course, I was not alone.  Most everyone within that time period was tracking similarly as the American public was captivated culturally by the wild, wild West Coast's photographed propaganda.

Taking all of this into account, every bit of this - as described here - was / is directly involving my humanity.  No doubt, this represents a sizable part of Rob.

-------------------------

At some point during my mid-30s, I happened upon (thanks to the www) one very unexpected Christian celebrity pastor.  On the surface, it was this man's amazing communications skills combined with his decidedly masculine looks / swagger that truly piqued my interest.  Never had I seen nor heard a pastor quite like this Mark Driscoll (who just happened to also be my age).

But now, whilst looking back, what I truly believe I was drawn to was 

1) his brooding outrage / disgust with so much that he'd been subject to within his own Americanized '80s (Pacific Northwest) upbringing (of which I could directly relate to).  

2) the man's potential, which far exceeded his ability to preach.

-------------------------

Before proceeding, an important special bulletin (for those of you whose own experience with Mars Hills Church - Pastor Mark's former - continues to muddy the emotional waters).  This is such a wonderful response to that situation from October of 2014.  

------------------------

Why are these two items important, and how do they pertain to the questions posed within this blog post?  Much less, my relationship with my own humanness.    

Humanity's primary definer is limitations.  We are finite, fleshly beings who live / breathe for a season / during a season here on Earth.  As such, we grow and become during that season.  Hence, so much of our (internally) known / recognized identity comes from that growing / becoming.  

Jesus, according to Scripture, grew as well and eventually became the man who was baptized by his cousin before ministering nonstop ('till his death / resurrection) to the masses.  

Pastor Mark Driscoll preached / preaches incessantly about Jesus, and it was apparent that through that preaching, he resonated deeply with the Jesus presented within the gospels combined with the portion of Jesus he saw (& could relate to) within himself (his own God-imaged humanity).  

As such, the outcome of all of this was extremely compelling to his parishioners.  And I believe that compelling was indirectly (subconsciously) fueled by the two items I cited earlier within this post.  Let's review them again.

1) his brooding outrage / disgust with so much that he'd been subject to within his Americanized '80s (Pacific Northwest) upbringing.  

2) the man's potential which far exceeded his ability to preach.

-------------------------

I believe - as Mark Driscoll preached - that Jesus was both deeply sympathetic to humanity's plight (physical illnesses / disabilities, disastrous consequences / outcomes and the ensuing heartache) combined with his overwhelming disdain for the Hebrew culture (keyword) that took advantage of people - in order to establish a religiously entitled class structure.   

Yet, Jesus neither had (was forced) to care about any of this, nor was he relegated to serve and ultimately die.  

His humanity demonstrated that, yet he very much desired for this to be part of his narrative.

-------------------------

One of the dumbest aspects of comic book superheroes is how utterly unbelievable / unrealistic they behave morally.  If there were mutants or meta-humans or aliens who looked like humans on Earth, of which could read minds or fly or were super strong, etc., each and every one of them would take full advantage of their superiority relative to everyone else.  As such, they would rule all of us with an iron fist (fear), exploiting our inferiority to them.  

And this is an especially true reality -taking into account - how corrupt we are as a human-beings.  For they would easily find credence to repeatedly punish us via their adjudicatory whimsy.  

There are a whole lotta Christians out there who've dedicated their lives to the pastorate, the mission field - in spite of - their gifting of leadership, work ethic, creativity, etc.  As such, their "plight" makes no sense if you consider their potential.  

This is one of the most brutally consequential realities of the Christian faith.  And it cannot be brushed aside because it precisely aligns with Jesus himself - as he was presented in the gospels.  

In the end, it's a praiseworthy, mind-blowing element of faith.  Faith that runs counter to / best manages our God-imaged yet very fallen humanity.

-------------------------

So what is Jesus' humanity demanding of him today?  Does he still require sleep, food, somewhere to relieve himself?  Do his sex organs still function (erections)?  Is he sneezing on occasion?  Is his hair (head / beard) regularly groomed, per his liking?  

If the answer to these questions wasn't of course, then you'd not have men like Mark Driscoll.  Mark Driscoll, who though not perfect (by a long shot), certainly has / does continue to humanly impact the world for Christ in conjunction with the perspective he's gained via Christ's humanity.  

Lagniappe

Mother To Child: "You're Responsible For My Feelings. You're to Blame / To Be Celebrated For Me Feeling __________."

I referenced within an earlier post how important it can be that I keep a lid on my emotions here at the homestead (around my wife / daughters), and how that approach has, in the past (pre-Samson Society involvement), been detrimental to me successfully steering clear of lustful fantasies (supplemented by porn consumption or not) from the standpoint of using said fantasies as an emotional enema.   

But I'd like to expound on this a bit from the standpoint of what exactly my wife is forced to emotionally manage day in and day out.

And I want to do this because you may be able to relate either as a husband or wife relative to the dynamics of our situation.

--------------------------

Firstly though, it's important that you know that my wife's mother is a widow whom lives just 7-8 miles from our abode.  She "stays" (as black people put it) within the same home Angie (who's now 50) and her brother (who's now 46) were reared in (in Jackson) throughout the majority of their school years (as students of Jackson Academy).  

This home was mortgaged by her parents, all those years ago, due to her father moving his brood back here from Hattiesburg - in response to an unexpected job loss - out of necessity to take another job.

This job loss and subsequent move no doubt (as it's been described to me) represented a major demotion for Angie's dad, and as such, her mother went off the deep end as a result.  And when I say went off the deep end, I mean she went batshit crazy over his job loss / demotion.

It's important to know that when I unexpectedly lost my job back in 2013, Angie was very intentional about staying emotionally / physically supportive of our family in spite of the obvious embarrassment / shame that manifested itself as a result.  And I must say, had she not been such a steely, consistently hopeful presence within our family's life during that dark season, I would surely not have endured the situation.  Angie reacted as such the contrarian - for her family - in response to what she'd witnessed from her own mother as a child (within a somewhat similar scenario).

-------------------------

Emotional "flare ups", as I call them, do occur within our household, and more often than not, they're due to the inevitable internal dynamics between my wife and any number of our daughters.  There's a boatload of estrogen there, therefore...

I try hard to take them in stride, but there are times when I too, need to exhaust some emotions out of frustration / fatigue.

But when I do, and it's within earshot of my wife, this represents a problem for her.

-------------------------

Angie's middle / high school years were filled with emotional torment.  Torment that put her (& her brother) squarely within the sights of her mother's penchant for refusing to take responsibility for her own feelings.  Therefore, Angie's default, even today as a 50-year-old wife / mother, is to blame herself for everyone else's feelings / state of mind.  Even if said feelings in no way involve her.  

It is the weirdest phenomena to experience, yet we're all so used to it, that it's become the norm.

So, here's the interesting part to all of this.

Angie's mother is a fiercely independent woman, yet she's now reached a point, due to advanced age, that she can no longer manage her affairs.  And this means, someone needs to step up.  Someone she should be able to trust (like her deeply scarred children).

--------------------------

As Christians, we're called to serve.  Go the extra mile.  Turn the other cheek.  And Angie, for sure, learnt that growing up at First Baptist Church Jackson (alongside me). 

Jesus modeled all of these (as chronicled within the gospels) and FBC Jackson's senior pastor throughout the '80s (when she & I were children) both lived it out and preached it eloquently.

Yet, no amount of obedience to the commands of Jesus can come sans the supernatural.  Especially when that call to obedience happens to involve those whose hands have doled out their fair share of trauma.

-------------------------

Dr. Laura Schlessinger often makes good sense whilst giving advice to her radio show listeners, but it's important to note that she is not a Christian.  As such, were she in my wife's shoes today, her mother's former emotional abuse would result in payback that consisted of a reciprocal neglect later in life.  I know this because it's one of my hang ups regarding her approach to advising her callers.  (Plus, she also lived this out with her own mother.)

Dr. Schlessinger often justifies this kind of response as one which stems from "mom tearing up her mother card".  In other words, mother's disqualifying themselves due to their neglect, therefore deserving to be forever punished by their children as a result.

It's a hardline, militant approach that completely ignores the prospect / joy of potential reconciliation, and one of the best slang terms that I've found for this is delightfully "burning bridges".

-------------------------

One of my oldest friends just recently returned to the Jackson Metro after being terminated from a fantastic job opportunity within another state.  His former out-of-state employer is also a friend of mine / ours, therefore as you might imagine, this put me in quite the emotional quagmire.  And to make matters much worse (for everyone involved), my friend, who just recently moved back to Jackson, chose to burn the bridge between himself and our mutual friend (his former out-of-state employer) out of disgust regarding the situation that transpired.

And this man has served as a deacon in a number of local churches.

His rationale for behaving this way was rooted in one thing:  his feelings.  Feelings which consisted of outrage, disillusionment, mistrust, and so forth.  And I get that.  Those feelings are legitimate and deserve to be accounted for.

Yet, I disagree with his decision to blame others for those feelings, and in turn, punish them therein.  Especially when those others have such a longstanding track record of support and love.

As Christians, our overarching focus should be, each and every day, on eternity.  Eternity obtained via our inevitable death.  Eternity where Jesus is within our presence always.  

Why?

As our king (today and on into eternity), emulating his humility and care properly befits us as representatives of his grace.  Even within the most accusatory, unfair, debilitating circumstances that embroil us with heady, visceral emotions.

We are not our own.  We are now serving within his ranks.  Heaven will be ours to enjoy because of what he chose to emulate for us.  Christians are not to behave / react / enact like everyone else.

Lagniappe

How The Ease Of Access (www) To Gay Porn Changed The Course Of My Life (Sans A Buzz From Booze)

My first Silas had / has an addiction to alcohol (& porn) that resulted (2015) in him receiving his first (& only) DUI whilst traveling for work within beautiful Louisiana.  Interestingly enough, it was his son who'd originally attended a Samson Society meeting, and as such, this fortunate juncture (between his son and the First Baptist Church Jackson Samson Society group) resulted in the perfectly timed referral. 

Years ago, a client of mine from north Mississippi admitted too to receiving a DUI (also his first & only).  I couldn't help but ask him for permission to tell my story in response to his quagmire (he'd just applied for some individual insurance coverage via my family business), and thankfully, he was open to that.  From there, I asked about his porn use, and this question took him aback.  I asked specifically if it was chronic - to any degree - whatsoever.  He stated that he only used porn whilst drinking alcohol, and this piqued my interest as to the deeply effective means alcohol has of lowering one's inhibitions.

Me being a teetotaler - in contrast to my first Silas' lifelong relationship with alcohol (& subsequently porn) - forced me to do a lot of soul searching relative to what exactly was behind my chronic use of online smut.  For I wasn't under the influence of any drug whilst consuming, yet I had no inherent revulsion to it.  Instead, it was almost as if I'd literally struck gold.

-------------------------

Gay porn is photos / videos of men having sex with either themselves or each other, and having lived within Mississippi all of my life, I'd never witnessed this 'till the Internet came on the scene in the late '90s.  It's heady stuff that's repulsive to many men, but not all.  Before I encountered it online, I'd only imagined sexual activity between men, but I'd never witnessed any version of it - live or Memorex.  Therefore, the Internet opened a doorway for me that should never have been opened, yet because of that exposure, many good outcomes were the result as I'll describe in short order.

Two powerfully evocative emotional responses happened at once when this door was opened for Rob.

1.  I no longer felt alone as a man with my particular sexuality.

2.  I was mesmerized by the infinite amount of pornographic imagery available online combined with the unbelievable beauty and captivating nature of those images.

What number 1 primarily did for me was invoke deep seated sadness and confusion that was rooted in how obviously vulnerable men like myself were to sexual sin and exploitation.  All the while, number 2 spurred me on to consume, consume, consume.  As if I was making up for lost time / opportunity.  Combining these two was heart wrenching for me to take.  For I consistently realized that I was neither helping myself nor these gay porn models in the process.

-------------------------

I was working at an architecture firm back in the late '90s when all of this Internet porn exposure came to fruition within my life.  And the work was interesting and rewarding, but when Angie and I had our first daughter, I needed an additional job to make our budget work each month (she chose to become a stay-at-home mom).  That side job came in the form of janitorial work (at the same architecture firm I was employed at full-time).  This, combined with a horribly demonic newborn baby girl (who didn't sleep completely through the night 'till she was well over one-year-old), did nothing to stave off my thirst for Internet gay porn.  

These were back during the days of dial-up Internet access, therefore we're talking here about very constricted consumption compared to today.  Nonetheless, even this slow-as-molasses access was enough to wrangle me into a seriously emotionally drained mess - day after day - as it harkened back to what I described above.

-------------------------

The first sizable course correction for me - which came as a result of the ease of access to Internet gay porn - was my desire to find a job that would relinquish me from sitting in front of a computer all day doing nothing more than repetitive grunt / layman's work.  It wasn't that I minded grunt work nor looked down on it.  In actuality, grunt work was peaceful and low, low stress.  But, I couldn't give it the focus I needed to with an Internet browser icon staring back at me seductively.  

Therefore, this resulted in me taking the necessary risks involved in moving jobs, and for Rob, this just happened to result in a move from the private to the public sector.  And this move enabled me to embrace a much more administrative role that was anything but repetitive.  And I really loved and felt proud to be doing this work (for my home state, no doubt) as a 34-year-old Mississippi architect.

-------------------------

The second sizable course correction for me had to do with courage.  Seeing the scores of naked men participating in all manner of sexually charged poses / activities inspired me to cease hiding what my true needs were.  I believe that the majority of gay sex - whether it's photographed or not - is an outgrowth of men needing / longing for community at its most basic, animalistic, instinctual level.  Men emote most efficiently in and through sexual activity of any ilk.  This is how God made us.

I've heard stories from young Samson guys who've experienced difficult heterosexual romantic breakups, and as a result, driven to NOLA in order to frequent gay bars in pursuit of hookups.  Hookups to placate their implied "now & forever" loneliness funk.  This may sound extreme, but it points back to men's "special connection" between their brain's emotional core and their genitals.

Too, during this time, I was happily married, yet not known - truly known - by any other men.  

Therefore, I began looking online for a friend.  Someone that God might bring my way who could relate to Rob's situation / identity.  And that person came in the form of an Aussie name Scott who blessed me tremendously with his loyalty and encouragement as a Christian friend for +/-18 exuberantly joy-filled months.  From there, I began to talk about my story with more and more Christian (and eventually pagan) men.  Thankfully, the reactions I received were supportive and helpful if not completely demonstrative of genuine respectfulness towards my situation.  This, in turn, convinced me to expand my horizons that much further.

Eventually, I did find that just having one, two or three men - in the know - regarding my story, wasn't enough.  The circle needed to be ever widened.  Hence, I began blogging, and that's when The Architect's Garage blogspot was born.  By the time that blog (5-year lifespan) gained traction online, I was having close to +/-75 visitors (hits) a day from readers all over the globe.  It was a phenomenally effective and super convenient mouthpiece for Rob and his unique story.

-------------------------

The third sizable course correction for me had to do with my physical health.  Gay porn blatantly reminded me that men were image bearers of God, therefore there was a responsibility there to take care of one's physical self.  At age 36, I began strength training regularly, and at age 37 or 38, I segued  into combining that with distance running.  As a result, my physical body changed for the better alongside my health.  Plus, it gave me credence to work towards overcoming my anxiety relative to the gym / locker rooms.  And over time, I did overcome that anxiety by God's grace, but it was not at all easy.  

On the flip side of this, I absolutely DID NOT go overboard here.  I knew by overdoing it, (more than twice a week in the gym) I would torpedo my goal of lifelong longevity.  And though I'm likely not the sexiest, swolest guy as a result, that's okay.  Consistency / longevity should be every man's end goal when it comes to physical fitness.  Not specific results or gains.  I believe this wholeheartedly.

-------------------------

The fourth sizable course correction for me had to do with constraints.  Gay porn opened my eyes to just how certain situations weren't workable - on any level - for Rob, no matter how hard I tried to make them work.  And this pointed back to my vocation.  In particular, the setting therein.  

I experience a sort of emotional nirvana whilst surrounded by men (very similar to a much greater degree to the short circuit available via the consumption of gay porn), and this state of mind allows me, at times, to clearly see myself.  And this is AWESOME.  Yet, though these experiences are fantastic, they take their toll if they're prolonged.  Why?  This state of emotional connection with men allows me to see / feel what they're seeing / feeling, therefore these experiences must be rationed.  Otherwise, I get overwhelmed to the point that I can't process much of anything except what these other individuals have given me the opportunity to "upload".  Because of this, I've been dubbed "highly sensitive".  Perhaps that's a true descriptor.  Whatever it is, I cannot handle certain situations but for very controlled lengths of time before I need to return to my sarcophagus.  Alone.

In summary, too much of this masculine groupthink results in me experiencing emotional overload, and when I reach that state of mind, I'm unable to find my center under just about any circumstance.

-------------------------

Do I thank God for Internet gay porn?  No, of course not.  But I do believe he's used something meant for so much evil to my advantage.  At least relative to my refinement as a man.

Many years ago, I had an online Christian friend who explained to me how his participating in a handful of gay sex trysts had firsthand opened his eyes to the abnormalcy of homosexual practices.  Now, I realized then as well as now that hearing this wasn't / shouldn't give license for me (or other Christian men) to sin.  Instead, it was speaking to the sovereignty of God - even over evil itself.  And it encouraged me to recognize that shame must not become so consuming that it blinds us to God's goodness and faithfulness even within the hardest of places to discuss / admit to / ruminate over.  

God is no prude.  He's not the church lady.  Plus, he's knows how terribly vulnerable we are here within this fallen world of ours, and I believe we forget how sensitive he is to that truth.  Therefore, never underestimate how holistically clever he truly can be within his pursuit of your heart / faithfulness to him.  It is mind boggling to chronicle, if you'll just take the time to do so.

Men Trending Underneath The Banner Of Disappointment / Frustration

All of us experience disappointment and frustration.  It's a result of having expectations and those expectations not being met.  As a man in my early 30s, I vividly recall the last 2-3 years of my tenure at an architectural firm here in Jackson.  I was extremely disappointed in so much (multifaceted) of what that job represented to me at that point in time, and in fact, I was also using that disappointment as an excuse / fuel to sin (in the form of chronic lust via Internet porn use).

But too, combined with all this, was how circumstantially I'd found myself tempted to sin (at work).  Therefore, all of that made for a very challenging few years there at that particular place of employment.

As a result of all this, I knew I needed to move on.  So much so, in fact, that I even looked (& prepared) for an entirely new vocation away from architecture entirely.

And this is where disappointment and frustration can be productive, helpful tools of God, teaching and guiding us through firsthand experience.

From there, a state government job came to fruition, and though it was far from perfect, I banked my appreciation of my new job on what I absolutely did not miss from my previous one.  And this is how disappointment / frustration should and certainly can work to one's advantage.

-------------------------

 

But what of those individuals who tend to stay within a consistent loop of disappointment / frustration?  Perhaps pertaining to far more than their work.  What if this bent towards disappointment / frustration revolves around many, if not all, of the relationships they are part of?  Also, what if it applied to their church?  Their marriage?  And so forth.

Over the past few decades, we've come to be more and more dependent / expectant of the ubiquity of customization - down to every minutiae - relative to every aspect of our lives.  From the food we eat to the clothes we wear to the people we interact with to the gender / hair / eye color of the child (invitro fertilization) we choose to parent.  And this is all quite gee whiz, but what comes alongside all of this opportunity for customization also comes two things.  One, the tendency to be disenfranchised quite easily - with all manner of things, and two, the powerfully impressionable notion that IT'S ALL ABOUT MY NEEDS / MY DESIRES / MY WANTS and how they're specifically being met.

Thusly creating some men who tend to gravitate towards disappointment / frustration as their default.  All the freaking time.  Kinda like having a toddler's outlook.

Therefore, these cyclical feelings of disappointment / frustration become the norm for them (& everyone they interact with), therefore circumstantial maturation may be thwarted due to this juvenile outlook regarding just about everything.

As such, for those of us who endear towards these individuals - friends / spouses / children, we're put in a tough spot.  For we know if we question this temperamental cycle of disappointment / frustration, we may very well be labeled reflexively, and from there, cast aside as "yesterday's disappointing / frustrating mistake".  

-------------------------

I find that guys who're within the camp that I've described above are often habitual justifiers relative to porn, drug, alcohol usage because of this predisposition towards disappointment / frustration.  

I hurt to see guys - seemingly programmed by our few decades past gee whiz culture - to have a modus operandi as such.  

-------------------------

Yesterday, I had a friend ask me over lunch if I'd take the opportunity - if given - to have my homosexual urges removed forever.  This is a difficult question to both ask and answer.  I told him no, I wouldn't.  And my rationale for that choice is twofold.  Firstly, I've already asked repeatedly (when I was a teenager), and they didn't cease to be.  Secondly, as a result of that, it taught me to build upon that particular long-term disappointment / frustration, changing my outlook permanently.  

And what I mean by that is recognizing how particularly wonderful being burdened / neutered - so to speak - truly can be.  For you learn to trust in Christ to carry your brokenness both figuratively and literally (at times), and as a result it serves as a constant reminder of why we were called to be Christians in the first place (to surrender ourselves wholeheartedly & in turn serve others in lieu of ourselves).   

From there, situations / individuals who end up not meeting my / our expectations, I find, are given more grace than they otherwise would be.  For I too was / am shown grace that originated initially in me being lassoed in by the gospel of Jesus Christ in tandem with my conviction relative to my chronic sin.

In closing, one other positive attribute to being consistently disabled by some version of a spiritual thorn is how it forces you / us to make peace with your pain.  Oftentimes, I believe, those who're predisposed to disappointment / frustration seem to be hyper-sensitive to discomfort / pain, and therefore tend to look immediately for some version of an escape in tandem with chronic complaining.

I'm not sure where this hyper sensitivity comes from, but it reeks of immaturity.  

May God help us all to properly differentiate between fully communicative (& therefore) helpful disappointment / frustration and that which is simply a kneejerk reaction to circumstances that bring us / take us into a season not necessarily of our choosing.

Lagniappe

What Does / Will A Life Filled With Good Works Say About You?

Within our present-day culture, I believe it will set you apart from the majority, therefore within certain circumstances, you will be elevated (popularity / respect) dramatically within the eyes of your fellow man.  As such, regarding Christianity (assuming that's the foundation of your life), there's an opportunity there, or maybe a better way to put it is an obligation there to communicate why / what exactly is (Jesus / Holy Spirit) behind all of this good behavior.

I call this approach to manhood, here within our western culture, the Andy Griffith / Michael Landon ideal.  It's this notion that men can be and should be - to be a man, particularly an American man - deeply, deeply grounded in working diligently on behalf of everyone else as a means of always looking out for their best interests.  And as such, most everything (grown out of that) will hopefully conclude with reward(s) and never suffering.  Never more harm.  Never regret.  And expectedly, your standing in the community (& bank account) will proportionally elevate as a result!

Therefore, if you die young (& this is your MO), "sainthood" may soon follow while all of us left behind - spouse, children, friends, and so forth deeply mourn our loss of all that model behavior you graced us with.  

-------------------------

This past week, I was made aware of just such a forecasted saint.  A man who I had the privilege to know from past vocational experience (when I was working for the state of MS) many years ago.

Teddy was literally the ideal man.  Handsome, caring, intelligent, articulate, well educated, credentialed.  His confidence emanated naturally from his pores.  And what humility!  All and all, he was so very seemingly perfect in every way.  Like Jesus with skin on.  Literally.

Therefore, having not known of his early death during Q1 of 2021 (for I would have virtually attended the memorial service), I went searching for his obituary online.

And what I found there left me thinking an awful lot about what truly motivates a man to behave as he does (particularly amidst other people).

-------------------------

Jack Lewis argued that "good men" overall are easier to see converted to Christianity, but on the opposing side of that argument, I've heard men claim (back during the Promise Keepers' days of the '80s and '90s) that men with "pasts" are often more devout / committed once obtaining faith in Jesus Christ.  And that the latter case makes for a more "qualified" Christian man.  

For example, if you were to follow that argument, a pagan man who'd cheated repeatedly on his spouse, spent a few years behind bars, and was heavy into drugs and alcohol prior to being converted would be defined as a more comprehensive Christian as a result.  And there are plenty of those who'd argue too that conversion would be just as easy, if not easier, for this poor sinner.

The Bible presents God as a expectant father figure.  Particularly regarding obedience to his commands.  And, of course, all of that expected obedience falls on his children (who rely on the Holy Spirit to assist them with this).  The Bible also states that man is conscious of God's existence.  And this makes sense because of how we're intrinsically rationale, curious beings who long for questions to be answered like - Who am I?  What's my purpose?  What is the meaning of life?  Who created me?  Why do I exist? - and so forth.

-------------------------

Many years ago, I sat through a day-long lighting design workshop down at the Old Capitol Inn.  From what I remember, the event was fairly well executed and attended despite the mundane topic.  But what did help to liven things up was the unique relationship between the presenters - that being, they were married.  Now, this was a number of decades ago, and as such, particularly here in Mississippi, there weren't many husband / wife business partnerships to speak of - at least within the design / planning realm.  

As the workshop day drug on, the temperatures dramatically rose out of doors, therefore the close quarters our small class was being held within also began to heat up proportionally.

I was seated in the very back of the narrow, makeshift classroom and feeling a bit claustrophobic, therefore I was grateful to see the event conclude when it did.  

As I'd always done (& continue to do), I then dutifully made my way to the podium to thank the presenters.  But midway to my destination, I was hit by a stench of ammonia-laced body odor that intensely burned my nose hairs / brought tears to my eyes.  Nonetheless, I was too late to turn back, for the husband speaker had seen me coming his way to speak / ask questions there at the conclusion.

-------------------------

My youngest daughter is an angel from heaven.  Literally.  This child is not only physically beautiful, but her spirit is just off the charts - loving, caring, and all those words that make you a little sick to your stomach if you think about them for too long.  

On occasion, She and I dialogue about her pending conversion to Christianity, and oftentimes, the root of these questions are centered on her wanting to be like her big sisters (particularly in regards to being permitted to take communion at church).  The emphasis on my reasoning (patriarchal observation) for her not being yet lassoed in by the gospel of Jesus Christ isn't related to her wonderfully obedient behavior.  Instead, it's tied to her not being privy to her depravity / sin as an eleven year-old girl.  At least on any measurable scale.

-------------------------

So, let's return to my now deceased middle-aged, soon to be sainted friend.  

His obituary eviscerates any notion of born-againess.  As such, there's no mention of a higher power of any sort.  Really, in many ways, it truly pays homage to he himself as a godman.  

Therefore, were heaven truly an earned affair, he was no doubt qualified to enter in via performance here on Earth alone.

-------------------------

I cannot describe how difficult it was to traverse those final 8 to 10 steps to the front of the makeshift classroom there within the Old Capitol Inn.  And not only because of the horrendous stench, but due to the empathy I had for this bearded lighting designer's wife (who was now working feverishly to pack up their belongings).  

It didn't take me long to realize the narrative relative to the stench emanating from him.  

Likely, their presentation prep had been procrastinated.  Thusly, the preceding late night effort had severely intruded on needed rest.  From there, he overslept that AM, didn't have time to shower, and forgot too to re-apply deodorant to those thick hairy armpits.  Complicating matters was the slow warming of the classroom space (w/ little to no HVAC air movement) we'd been assigned as the day's temps rose dramatically.  Not to mention the three-piece suit he was wearing, which only served to further bake his dirty bod.  

There was one other attendee in front of me prior to my having the opportunity to thank the husband presenter with a firm architect's handshake.  Taking a gander at the presenter's brow (from over the shoulder of the colleague in front of me), I could now clearly see the beads of sweat.  My heart sank for him at that moment.  For all anyone would likely remember of that six-hour affair, that they'd worked so hard to pull off, was his monumental, gag-reflexing BO. 

-------------------------

The Bible commands God's children to glorify their heavenly father through their faith in him.  How?  This faith bears fruit, and that fruit promulgates good works.  Therefore, it is Christ in us that's making that happen and thusly, getting all the credit. 

But becoming one of God's children involves a rebirth of ourselves.  And that rebirth (of the Spirit) is tied to our knowledge and then faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ.  And that faith is a gift to those God elects.  

When this faith is ignited within us, it is our re-birth.  For our eyes are opened to just how imperfect we truly are in contrast to how perfect Jesus Christ truly is (through our understanding of him).

-------------------------

You and I will rub shoulders with a handful of Andy Griffiths and Michael Landons (not his real name) throughout our lives along with many who aspire to be.  And these seemingly perfect business owners, husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, friends can be awe inspiring and intimidating to behold.  But, rest assured, if you track the ministry of Jesus within the gospel accounts, the Messiah didn't pay much heed to these gents.  Instead, he was much more interested in those who were far from knocking life out of the ballpark.

This knowledge of Jesus is what resonated with me as a boy.  For I was far, far more relatable to those men overall.  In summary, I stunk.  Big time.

Focus On The Dignity Shown You

As Christian men, we really can't think / quantify / qualify our sin enough.  There should never be a concluding statement or last chapter.  Qualifying our sin is like shaving.  It's procedural and ongoing.  And I would argue, for every man, it should be important enough to do regularly.

As a sidenote, I like to grow my stubble out for 3-5 days before shaving it clean off, loving that baby's bottom smoothness throughout my face / neck which results.  

We can't see our God's faithfulness unless we do this.  And to be more exact, we can't see God's dignified faithfulness unless we do this.  

-------------------------

A good father treats his children with dignity.  That's just a given.  God also personifies this behavior as our heavenly father.  And he does this despite him knowing exactly who we are, warts and all.  

In contrast to this is our relationship with our own (biological) father's finite knowledge / understanding of us.   

My children (particularly my oldest two) intentionally stay at arms length from me most of the time.  They're budding young adults, and as such, I must respect their need for "wriggle room" (privacy).  Nonetheless, I do keep a close eye and work to be intentional about fathering them well.  And as such, I do not shy away from disclosing my personal regrets relative to my own sinful behavior when I feel so moved / am prompted by the Holy Spirit.  

As God's children, we're 100% in his view.  His eye is fixed on us 24/7/365.  And as such, he sees our hearts.  Yet he doesn't reject nor disqualify us.  And shaming us is impossible.  As our God, none of those things compute with his purpose (to redeem us).

-------------------------

Be encouraged today to recommit to the work involved in best understanding yourself, and whilst doing so, inhale the truth of how much dignity your heavenly father has shown you despite his omniscience.  Dignity is personalized care that demonstrates love to its fullest. 

Remember, beards are overrated.  Go ahead and expose that flesh.  Air it out.  Show it off.  And enjoy that baby bottom smoothness.

Acknowledge Your Brokenness. Pivot From There To Christ.

Here in the Deep South, we tend to point out other's faults as a mainstay of our culture, keeping a historical record along the way.

We do this in lieu of stating the obvious (log within our own eye) and allowing our focus to be therein.

-------------------------

Why do we do this?

Living within this part of America has its traditions.  One of which is religion.  Lots and lots of religion.  Another of those traditions is being hyper discriminate.  This seems to have been born out of our region being the inevitable underdog.  Having to endure being in this position makes for a cagey outlook, especially as our world seemingly gets smaller.  

Also, there simply aren't as many individuals here, and as such, (whites and blacks) there's truly two distinct communities, separated by race (& much economic / educational disparities) as the clear dividing rod.

Less people equates to more opportunities to qualify individuals in great detail.  Believe me, I know this firsthand.  Think small town versus big city.

-------------------------

There is a religious community of thought which celebrates the notion of putting one's focus on personal achievement, purpose and skill, and pandering to that success via the pleasurable trappings of material wealth.  All as a result of being blessed, blessed, blessed by God.

It's an approach that makes you look good and your notion of God too.  And this is supposed to encourage life change and faith in the unseen.  You might call it the "do-gooder's gospel".

Plus, it makes for a black & white understanding of who's holy and who isn't - if you know what I mean - based on the size of their bank account.

And then there are those who've looked deeper into the Scriptures, having taken note of a much more apparent theme.  That being restoration.

-------------------------

Scripture is banked heavily on what's referred to as a covenant.  There's an old (w/ Abraham) and new one (Jesus, our messiah), and both are promises from God to his people.  And when it refers to his people in Scripture, it's referring to individuals fully known by God - every detail known - since the beginning of time itself.  In other words, before the creation of the world that he spoke into being - you know, "In the beginning...".  

The restoration theme is only there in order to put the emphasis or glory on God.  And this is the ultimate truth of what we as his people are to focus on.  His glory.

So how do we do this?

By having a very specific understanding of how we ourselves were once in need prior to no longer being needy.  Once in need of redemption prior to be redeemed.  Once in need of salvation prior to be saved.  

From.  To.  Without forgetting the From.  All the while basking in the beauty therein of our triune God.

-------------------------

The ultimate question is this (for those of you interested in this restoration).  Do you enjoy sin?  [If yes, there's the necessary acknowledgement.]  Secondary to that question is this.  Are you interested in finding a way out?  [If yes, there's the quagmire.]  And finally, to top it off.  Do you have the necessary faith in Jesus to take that first step?  [Look to Christ for the faith that you'll need.  He promises to provide it to his children.]

     

The Finesse In Being A Third Wheel / Jesus, The Mediator

A mediator is often the perfect unifier, especially when the two original parties have a relational narrative that hasn't resulted in an ideal outcome.  

Our Heavenly Father exists and works on behalf of his own glory.  Always.  As his (adopted) children, we're chosen by him to be on the "A" team, and from there, our lives become part of his good work on this Earth.  And that includes our slip-ups / failures.  It's a grand narrative of redemption and grace.  

Prior to Jesus' death and resurrection on the cross of Calvary, there was no means for us Gentiles to experience this adoption.  We were the uncircumcised who were doomed to hell.

The apostle Paul (New Testament author / first missionary of gospel) talks about Jesus as the mediator between us and God.  And this development was a result of our Heavenly Father wanting to provide the ideal solution for this less than ideal relationship between his people and himself.

-------------------------

Have you ever considered, prior to Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, that God's children's only means to approach the "throne of grace" was ceremonially?  Therefore, dialoguing with God via prayer was obviously very different than what's available to us today as the "priesthood of believers".  In essence, God made himself known very differently pre-Messiah.  Ultimately, there were procedural / communication limitations within the relationship between his children (Israelites) and himself that are very difficult for us to fathom today.

Have you ever been part of an organization (family, business, church) where the relationship between the president and you yourself wasn't working out to the expectations of everyone involved?  What's typically the outcome that you've seen within these circumstances?

Typically, you find yourself being quickly replaced.

Relative to our relationship with our Heavenly Father, that wasn't the case.  His son, Jesus, solved the problem as the ultimate mediator, and this in turn sealed us to God through our faith in Christ.

-------------------------

Why are there four gospel accounts within the New Testament?  

Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John focus on Jesus' ministry on this Earth.  Why aren't there four separate versions of the book of Genesis divinely inspired by four separate authors?  

Jesus ministry on Earth was a game-changer for mankind.  It's good news that's never yesterday's news.  It's relevant 'till Christ's second coming to Earth.  Think of the gospels as four highly respected journalistic accounts.

-------------------------

Have you any idea how much God loves you?  Do you realize how much value you are to him?  

Have you ever read one or all of the gospel accounts and marveled at how Jesus ministered and continues to minister as the perfect mediator?  

If not, make a point to do so soon and allow it to anchor your understanding of how significant a position you have as a Christian within God's family.  All glory to God!  You are on the "A" team.

We All Need Some Good News Today

Lashing Out Like Nobody's Business / Think Less Of Yourself / Honor Those Who Self-Loathe (w/ gusto if you yourself can relate)

What separates us Christians from pagans relative to our behavior?  Are we to be perfectly sinless, perfectly presented, perfectly predestined?

Of course.

In fact, that's our only hope to avoid the consequences of our pending judgement:  hell.

And we do this in and through Jesus Christ and what he chose to do for us on the cross of Calvary.  Our lives are substituted for the life he lived (& continues to live in heaven) on our behalf.  Therefore we, within our Heavenly Father's eyes, are perfectly sinless, perfectly presented, perfectly predestined.  And it is through our God-given faith in Jesus that this substitutionary perfectness happens.

Therefore, this delightful, humbling truth should course through our veins each and every day in line with our own personal understanding of our depravity.

-------------------------

What in the world is depravity?  

That's our imperfection as it relates to our propensity to sin.  And it's best chronicled, at least for me, within my personal relationships.  

This past week, I wrote a letter to a friend who's a youth pastor, but I gave it to him only as a placeholder.  For the letter was addressed to my youth pastor of 1986 (when I was in middle school).  My memories of my youth pastor from the '80s coalescence in so many ways with my friend (who's a 2020 youth pastor), and since I have no knowledge of where my former youth pastor is (or even if he's alive), I felt so moved to gift the letter vicariously.  This was an exercise in chronicling one aspect of my depravity.

The letter was one of apology.  For secretly sinning against my youth pastor in a sizable way (back when I was under his guise as a teen).

As Christians, the Holy Spirit resides in us.  It reveals the thoughts of God to us.  Thusly, we stand to often be convicted of both past and present sin (breaking the law of God).  From there, we know well our depravity.  And this propels or fuels our love that much further towards Jesus, our Savior, in line with his aforementioned substitutionary perfectness.

-------------------------

How does all of this that I've described above impact our reactions to our enemies?  Especially if our enemies were once our (close) friends?

Christianity is rooted in grace.  Grace is the foundational concept behind all of it.  That should be clear by now having read through this commentary.

So what is grace?

I've always seen grace as a reaction more than anything else, and that reaction, for me, is best described as a consistent, unequivocal pursuing in love.  Even if we've been sold out, maligned, demonized, etc.  Grasping grace runs counter to our sin nature.  It is the paradox of Christianity that overturns any and all personal responsibility regarding our salvation from the demands of hell.

Ultimately, it is through our comprehensive knowledge of God's grace towards us that we show grace towards everyone around us, and this in turn points back to my first question.

What separates us Christians from pagans relative to our behavior?

And this should especially be the case for those friends (who're perhaps now enemies) who may have a tendency to wrestle with their faith and all the connectedness / demands it entails.  Even if they run over your dog, steal your wife, or burn down your house.  All in all, think less of yourself and you will please God in the end.  

When Frightful, Personally Influential People Die

For me at least, I feel a bizarre sense of hopelessness.  As if I was much closer than I actually was to the individual and ultimately am concerned for their continuation within the afterlife.

The hopelessness is also tied to their life on Earth being over, and therefore my understanding of them having no chance of being any different overall - for the better, for the overall good of humanity.

I'm thinking in particular to two individuals.  One who died a few years following our leaving Cleveland, MS behind and another who died just yesterday.

-------------------------

I know Scripture decrees God's appointing of individuals into positions of authority / leadership, and because of my belief in the authoritative nature of Scripture, I accept that as truth.

And you must know that I'm a positive thinker overall.  I gravitate seeing the good in the present, past, and future.  So maybe that's what serves to interfere mostly in me making peace with the fact that these individuals are gone from Earth forever.

Take for example, the man who died this week.  He was an academic, a scholar in the best sense of that word.  And due to my chosen career path, I could not avoid his influence within my young, collegiate life.  But oh how I loathed even crossing his path with my own!  He exuded such an air of cruelty and disdain, and that mindset came through in spades via his countenance (especially so within his eyes).

The last time I engaged with this man was 5 or 6 years ago during a weekend architectural tour of a deceased Mississippi architect's work in Meridian.  Even then, outside of the four walls of academia, he was no less frightening to spend time with.

-------------------------

My grandmother also fit into this category (she would be the third), now that I think about it.  And when she passed, I too felt this way about her.

Again, to reiterate what I said before, you just want to see redemption within their lives, but knowing that change must come from within.  Healing.  Repentance.  Change.

Not so they can be any different as a created being within their respective role, but that they can be better.  Much, much better.

Recommended Reading From My Favorite Pastor, J.D. Greear

https://jdgreear.com/blog/what-it-really-means-to-have-our-minds-transformed/

Recommended Reading from Desiring God

https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-do-we-respond-to-claims-that-christianity-is-dangerous

Be Transformed

None of us can change our friends, spouses, parents, neighbors, employers, siblings.  We have no bearing on their decisions or behavior, attitudes, or outlook.  Their opinion of us in general, our points of view, faith, etc. are their own.  We have no bearing there either.

This truth is a very frustrating one due to the fact that we live in a culture that prioritizes customization as well as the illusion of total life control.  Therefore, as consumers, we gravitate towards experiences that provide this by default.  Whether we're purchasing an automobile, a technological device, or a hamburger.

We want instantaneous gratification with exactly what we specify from our entertainment, recreational activities, even spiritual experiences.  And, who wouldn't?  It's such a conveniently luxurious paradigm to exist within.

Hence, these two work against each other, to the point that we begin to question why we're not seeing cross pollination occur between (which is ridiculous to consider, but often at times, how our brains operate).

-------------------------

I want to encourage you to consider the following:

The more you invest personally in cultural catering / luxuries, conversely, the more you'll potentially become stupefied / confused relative to your relationships - whether they're corporate or individual 'till eventually you begin to equate expectationally (my word) one with the other.  Be mindful of that.  It's a very slippery slope that can wreak emotional havoc rather quickly.

Remember, we're sheep.  Sheep are stupid.  Stupid is a verb.  Many a divorce, premature job quitting, abandoned friendship, estranged family member, disappointment in church / charitable org stems from this unequivocal stance.  DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP.  If you do, know this, you've been duped.

--------------------------

Lastly, you also have little control over your own self as it relates to sin and your sin nature.  Disappointing but true.  In other words, it's going to get the best of you unless you become an adopted son of God, and even then, you're going to have to fight tooth and nail to be victorious over your flesh over the long-term.

And that truth leads me to eternity, a word / concept that's as ignored as the entire concept of sin is within our culture.

Eternity:  Afterlife.  Heaven.  Hell.  Man's soul living beyond his body.

Do you believe or think on this truth?  The Bible is built on this concept of life after death here on Earth.  If you happen to believe life ends at brain death, you might as well take your Bible and use it as a doorstop.

As children, we all certainly hoped for eternity by default.  That was ingrained in our DNA.  Ask any child about death, and you'll immediately see that it scares them (just as it should scare us).  They're keenly interested in believing that life doesn't simply stop there.  Jesus cited children's simple faith as an example of what man's faith should look like, and that story I'm reminded of here.

Do you believe in life after death?  Does it terrify you to consider eternity in hell for yourself and those I mentioned earlier (all those people you have no control over)?

Are you interested in allowing God to transform you into someone else, even as you continue to walk this Earth?  The Bible says that we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  What does that mean, and how might it occur?  Read Scripture.  It's detailed there.  The apostle Paul in particular, wrote an awful lot about this.

For me, there's much peace of mind that comes with knowing transformation is happening / active within my life, and that this process is God's alone to ordain / implement / execute.  I like resting in this truth.  Especially when I'm frustrated over the one I mentioned earlier.  Too, I rest similarly knowing I can pray for those whom I have no control over and trust that God's hand is / will be working within their lives as well - as he sees fit.

I want to experience heaven after death, but too, I similarly want to experience heaven now by taking part in the becoming of a new Rob each and every day.  There's joy there in seeing that occur as my flesh dies and my spirit matures.  All thanks to God's grace.  Let that be your / our only focus today.

How Rob Knows

Faith is a gift from God, and it's faith in the unseen that's provided circumstantial proof to Rob that God is working and readily available to me at all times.

If you live long enough, at some point, you're going to experience emotional trauma.  Usually it involves abrupt, "undeserved" loss.  I use the latter term because it's the resulting pain from that trauma that triggers that descriptor, and typically what follows is the question of "What did I do to deserve this?".

As human beings, we rarely, if ever, have enough faith.  Our sin-nature is constantly working to diminish this purest, rarest, most precious of resources.  If we were to encounter loss with the necessary faith, there would be no discontent grown out of self-pity due to the fact that there would be little to no self left at that point within us.  Therefore, with no self, there's no stupid questions like, "What did I do to deserve this?".

And this leads me to the next reveal which I'll also utilize to finish out this emotional trauma reference.

Being born again results in God's spirit inhabiting man.  This spirit works in and through him, bringing about a temperament / persona that's not his own.  The Bible refers to this as the "fruits of the spirit".  All of these fruits are contrasted wildly to our sin nature, therefore they can bring about behaviors and even entire life circumstances that promulgate the consistent thriving / growth of those around us.  It's a way of living life that runs counter to our culture's notion of "do whatever makes you happy, you happy, you happy, you happy."

These fruits combined form one Voltron-like-robot-being called obedience.

And it's that obedience that ultimately provides a path for us to be healed of our trauma.  Though the scars will never fade, the horrible pain and suffering from the trauma lessens and lessens 'till it's gone.

What does that process look like exactly?

It depends on the individual.  It may involve counsel, community, or none of those, though time for healing to occur is a given.  And when you step out on the other side of that valley, the miracle of healing deepens your faith all the more by molding you that much further into the created being God wishes you to be.  It's change that brings about contentment which in turn nourishes faith in that which is unseen.

Lagniappe

"Are you staying busy?"

An old friend, whom I hadn't seen in some time, asked me this question earlier this week.

For anyone who's male and working full-time here in America, this is an age-old adage.  Though it's framed as a question, it's a rhetorical one, therefore I see it as an adage.  If you were to unwrap the question prior to reframing it, you'd end up with:

Life is a rat race, and if you're not with the program (in the race), I can't relate to you.

Men should not be lazy, but a rat race isn't what God called men to.  Instead, Christ modeled intentionality with his time / motivations.

When you strength train or run or participate in any high intensity exercise program, you're intentional about it.  If you participate in a Bible study or read a novel, you're intentional about it.  If you dedicate yourself to a community of men, you're intentional about it.  It has nothing to do with the rat race.

Being intentional takes the race out of the equation and puts God's priorities first.  God wants nothing more than for men to glorify Him.

That's impossible to accomplish without a clear mindset towards intentionality.

Exposing sin / temptation within Christian community

As Christian men, we're constantly battling our propensity to sin.  For many men, their method of coping with this pull is to ignore it.

Sin is an unrighteous solution to some form of fleshly desire.  Christians are filled with the Holy Spirit as God's children, therefore there's definitive knowledge of righteous living that's available from the inside out.

Despite that knowledge, there's always a choice to be made as to whether sin is to be participated in.  Whether it's deep inside one's mind or fully engaged with another individual.

Take for example, the fleshly desire to feel secure and safe.  That desire can be placated in innumerable ways via sin, and of course, our pagan culture is here to assist!

Out of sin grows shame.  At first, this is healthy shame, but once a man engages in chronic sin, the shame itself can become the problem due to the fact that it cultivates the "rationale" to isolate oneself.

Have you ever seen an animal who's been physically abused?  Say, a dog?  These pets tend to behave very differently than their healthier cohorts.  I don't know if an animal can feel shame, but abused animals certainly know what it feels like to experience fear based on their circumstance.  And when those feelings consume the natural identity within that animal, certain behaviors emerge that prove the animal's true identity has been compromised.

I clearly remember the first day I walked into a Samson Society meeting back in 2014 at First Baptist Church, Jackson.  The shame relative to my sin was immense!  It was as if my entire identity in Christ had been hijacked.

Now, too, I brought to the Samson table a boatload of worthlessness.  Worthlessness that I'd wrestled with since I was a boy.  Again, this worked against my true identity as a believer.

Jesus lived within a community of men as he ministered here on Earth.  We see that chronicled within the gospels, and I believe that setting fostered his ability to be in perfect communion with his true identity as the Messiah despite the fact that he was also 100% fully human.  Of course, Jesus didn't sin.  Instead, he looked to his Heavenly Father to fulfill every desire he had.  But, Jesus was tempted to sin, therefore he understood how pursuant to a resolve sin can look to be when men desire.

Stating firsthand one's goal to fulfill every desire in Christ / Father God certainly sounds admirable, but how do we model that today? 

For Rob, Samson Society is a clearinghouse that provides me with platonic support in the midst of this pursuit.  All manner of men are involved, and each speaks from his place in life as a bachelor, husband, father, brother, son, and so forth.  From there, inevitably, dialogue involving temptation and sin occurs, and it's kept in strictest confidence.  Every man who's willing to participate is warmly accepted.  None are shirked or shunned so long as they bring their authentic selves.

This is what Jesus' disciples modeled for us.

Were they perfect in their community?  Of course not.  But, they were far better off walking alongside each other than on their own.

What's been made of my shame?  Today, it's in proper proportion to my identity in Christ.  In other words, it's healthy shame.  Which means, I can actually learn from it versus being defined by it.  Plus, I better understand now my desires, thanks to my involvement in Samson Society, and this in itself has given me insight into the intentional need to seek fulfillment of those desires in ways that please my Heavenly Father / align with his will.

For everyone who knows me, I relish the opportunity to talk about my sin / past failings.  It's never been a waste of my time to bring failures into the light nor the continued draw towards unrighteousness in all its many shapes and forms.

I want to be the best man I can be as I serve those around me.  Samson Society promotes that by resisting that god awful worthlessness within a setting that harkens back to the community of Jesus.  Thanks be to God for Samson Society!