If You're Serving Another Samson Brother As A Silas, Are You Obligated To Follow Up?

Here's the situation:

If you're serving another man as his Silas and his sinful behavior(s) is continuing to incur tangible, long-term collateral damage to his spouse (her health, their finances), you must pressure him to come clean to her.

Why?

Because she's being hurt unknowingly by his ongoing stupidity.  To be more specific, she might end up with an STD (due to him inserting his wiener into illicit orifices) or bankrupt (due to him racking up debt in light of his secret passion for phone sex, virtual strip shows, hookers, etc.).

This is the primary differentiator between being a Silas and a counselor / therapist.  In fact, you can even go so far as literally looping his wife in (regarding her man's ongoing stupid), though I don't recommend it.  

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Her reaction (towards him) to his coming clean may very well (& very quickly) dismantle your friendship with your Silee (triangulated blame), but at least you did the right thing by protecting either or both her physical / financial health.

Silence may very well then ensue between you and your Silee.  

And no, you're under no obligation to follow-up with him.  Instead, if you so choose, simply move on.

Being A Contrarian

Years ago, I lead a Samson Society National Retreat workshop that centered around same-sex attraction.  I was generously given a lot of content leeway therein.  I decided fairly quickly that the workshop should center around attributes of Rob that were somehow related to my stance / position regarding my SSA.  One of those was me being a contrarian.  Also, I made it very clear - right at the outset of my presentation - that I was representing no one but myself / my own opinion / choices.

Fast forward...

The attribute that I've come back to again and again for analysis is contrarianism.  Hence, my decision to postulate a bit here. 

But before I do, let me be clear.  Contrarianism, for me, is tied directly to an attitude / outlook, and that attitude is a combination of "Fuck you!" and flippant (the percentage of each depends on the day of the week you ask me).

Now, back to my postulating. 

This contrarian attribute may very well have grown out of me being an only child.  Obviously, there were no siblings to imitate / shadow, therefore I had the privilege of being the oldest, middle and youngest child simultaneously within my family.  In line with that was being an unplanned only child (my 'rents were 18 & 19 when they had me).  That distinction made the family unit I was reared in feel understandably less stable / surefooted (though, I believe, perhaps only to me).  And this feeling I only truly took note of when I was in the presence of other families outside of my own (extended & otherwise).  For example, families at our church. 

Regarding my extended family (Turner side of the house), my grandfather had long since died (he died of lung cancer in his early 40s) when the Turners (my dad had three brothers & they all married multiple times / had multiple children of their own) gathered in the MS Delta for holiday gatherings.  As such, his widowed wife (my grandmother) had also remarried / divorced by this point in time.  Maurine lived alone in a large, very posh home in small town (Delta) Mississippi that existed solely to intimidate / impress.

As such, that sense of firsthand family (my parents & I) instability / vulnerability definitely existed too "within the same key" whilst participating in those larger Turner settings.

Therefore, my concept of family represented a whole lot of me myself (independent from everyone around me) in light of not feeling much of any sure-footedness / longstanding emotional / relational stability with those folks.

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I believe the very first contrarian decision I gravitated towards - consistently - had to do with how I viewed females versus males (& I couldn't help but include myself as one of the latter).

Taking both of my parents into consideration, my mother's experience carrying / birthing / VERY YOUNG mothering had a profound impact on her (as it should have, but keep in mind that she was a teen mother).  As such, she chose to nurture me to the best of her ability despite her too only being a child.  My dad, due to him simply being the teenage sperm donor, experienced much less maturational (patriarchal) impact for such a time as that.  But also, to his credit, he was doing his part to provide for his dependents, and this involved obtaining higher ed whilst working part-time to win the bread (that rhymes!).

I feel certain this parental role asymmetry (MOM / dad) impacted me greatly as a small child.  As such, though I was no doubt male, I chose to reject the masculine (as it was presented to me by my father) in light of the straightforwardness in emulating this man as it pertained to his personality, character, likes / dislikes.  

And I was somewhat consciously aware of how much of a backassward modus operandi this was, yet I was content with my contrary.  

What became of me as a result of this?  Also, how did it affect my dad?

As a child, I gravitated towards having / making friends much more easily with girls than with boys.  That being said, I did have numerous friends who were male, cherishing those relations along the way.  Also, I was transfixed by female entertainers.  Especially female vocalists.  Therein, I grew up during the '80s (the MTV era).  Therefore, all these beautiful female vocalists were also just as visually elevated / celebrated so long as they had the physical goods to match.

Ultimately, as a result of all this female emulation / worship, I became deeply uncomfortable sexualizing the opposite sex (believe me, I tried).  For I felt this to be in contradiction to who I'd somewhat secretly sworn emotional allegiance to as a boy / chosen moreso to identify with.   

Regarding my dad, as a result of his rejection from me, he slowly took the same approach in kind, for there was no other child but Rob (he really got the short end of the stick) to role model manhood for.  I'll write more about this within an forthcoming post.

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Contrarianism eventually morphed into a survival technique for adolescent (ages 13-18) Rob (as you can imagine, I was the very definition of outcast) even to the point of determining who my friends would become.  

And this wasn't necessarily a liability for me.  So many of my immediate peers (particularly at school) were extremely rebellious / unruly / secular to a fault.  As such, I reflexively chose to move in the opposing direction despite this leaving me isolated.  

But here's where the lines get blurred regarding this season of my life.

Immediately prior to me entering middle school, I was unexpectedly lassoed in by the gospel, therefore I became deeply convicted to follow the teachings / example of Jesus Christ (as recorded within the New Testament gospels).  As every Christian knows, Jesus was the ultimate contrarian, and man oh man, could I ever relate!

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Choosing to pursue a degree in architecture was also fueled via my contrarianism.  Particularly growing up in the "economic butt crack" (Mississippi), architecture made little sense, but that nonsensicalness (contrarian!) combined with my above average skillset as an illustrator propelled me forward and forward and forward.

But let me insert here too that there was one additional - below the surface - motivator herein.  And that was to prove my mettle (to myself).  And architecture school very much became that personal proving ground.

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When I began dating my wife (fifth year of architecture school), a friendship was rekindled with someone of deep, steadfast faith.  What she didn't realize was she too was a contrarian (& she's still not completely convinced of this).  But her faith, and I cannot emphasize this enough, was magnanimous.  Again, I point to Jesus' example.  Need I say more?

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In closing, I have to admit that I hope to ultimately rear a brood of adult contrarians, but only in and through modeling contrarianism as a powerful means to live a life out-of-line with the mainstream / in line with the gospel.  

As you've read here, contrarianism sort of gobbled me up as a child in response to a very 

unplanned

singular

immaturishly unstable (emotional)

upbringing. 

As such, I really wouldn't change a thing, though it required me to take my need for being fathered into my own hands.

Living Out A Marriage Built On Lies / Deceit (HIGH RISK!)

I've been swimming moreso this summer than I've ever swam.  This being the result of my gosh awful foot sprain (no more running!).  Ouch.  We're members of the Y, both of which have pools (two indoor / one outdoor).  

One recent weekend, I couldn't help but notice a fellow sun worshipper / swimmer (young husband / father) stolen away from his lovely fam.  As was usually the case on a Saturday, the pool was hopping with rednecks.  This young white guy was lounging on the pool deck close enough to Rob for me to hear him covertly dialoguing with someone over his pocket computer.  His verbiage was low and muffled, but distinct enough for me to know for certain that he was talking on his phone (sans holding the device up to his head).

I quickly surmised that he was there begrudgingly for an "all Saturday afternoon" outing alongside one other nuclear unit (friends from church / the travel sports team?).  As such, for those few long minutes, both his wife / girlfriend and the children (his?) were splashing around without him, no doubt, all the while curiously wondering why he'd chosen to steal away.   

His female companion eventually sashayed over adroitly in frustration.  And that's when he lied to her about what he'd been up to.

From there, he exited stage left to the outdoor men's restroom.  I have no doubt that another cellphone call ensued only this time, it was behind closed doors.

I strongly suspected he'd been / was now chatting to someone his wife / girlfriend wouldn't approve of.

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When Angie and I were dating (mid '90s), we traveled together to NOLA for some event related to one of her friends from college.  If you've an avid reader of this blog, you know NOLA is where I first longingly gazed upon / consumed full frontal male nudity (photos within Playgirl) when I was a high school student.  

As such,, as a follow-up to what had occurred in 1990, I took it upon myself to at least attempt to view some additional print smut whilst in the Crescent City.  Nonetheless, I had to lie to my girlfriend / future wife in order to maneuver around her constant sweetheart presence (long enough to attempt to peek).  

Had to lie.

Had to.

Lie.

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When I was participating in my third in-person Samson Society spring intensive / retreat in '17, a longtime Samson brother sheepishly admitted to having affairs with 26 women whilst married to his then wife.  He said this with a grin on his face, having not gotten caught even once.  

It wasn't long after that retreat that we unorthodoxically brought our families together for a restaurant meal.  It was undeniable that my brother's primary intent therein was to adjudicate the looks of my wife in steed.  I distinctly recall his decades-long bride being lovely, though my heart broke at her naivety.  

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Mr. Nate Larkin has often triangulated me into friendships with married men who, like myself, experience same-sex attraction.  And some of these have fucked A LOT of other horny men through the years.  What's unique about these guys is the "seasons" of illicitness they tend to fall into, taking their entire adult lives into consideration.  

Too, many of these men have wives that seem not the least interested in knowing the full extent of their husband's unfaithfulness.  Instead, she chooses for it to stay much more conceptual.

This can make for a recipe for disaster.  

Why?

Full disclosure as it pertains to unfaithfulness can do two / three extremely important things instantaneously.  

1.  Protect the wife's health.  If she's privy to her husband's affairs, she can take steps to protect her physical body - both in that moment & on down the road.

2.  Dramatically increase the chances that her husband won't cheat (at least to the same degree) again.

3.  Kickstart / turbocharge her husband's recovery effort. 

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Now, what's the future to look like post full disclosure?  No one knows 'till that particular couple cross that bridge.  And that's why so many men shy away from that journey.  Especially if they're same-sex attracted men.  For the shame over their attractions tend to burden them intrinsically.  Not to mention having to deal with outside (normal) points of view (spouse / family) in respect to Full Disclosure.

On the flip side of this is the straight married man who runs headlong into illicit behavior unchecked, amassing years upon years of downright mind-blowing adulterous behavior (marathon / serial cheater).  These are dual persona husbands / fathers who gravitate towards strip clubs, massage parlors, phone sex and porn as if they have two dicks to contend with.  

When these men finally reach the end of the line with their tortured spouse / family, though they may beg / plead for mercy, everything related to those previous familial relations will be lost forever.

I've seen it with my own two eyes.  Samson Society has delivered that fatalistic point of view to me on several occasions.

My Wife's Limp

Rarely does my sweet wife use her left hand to move her lovely salt & pepper hair out of her face.  Instead, she uses her right hand.  Why?

She can't naturally reach her hair with her left hand due to her left arm's post stroke condition.  Too, she can't feel her hair with her left hand (even if she could reach it easily).  

If you observe her using her left hand to touch her hair (as I did over the weekend), it's awkward.  For her forearm won't bend naturally at her elbow as it should.  Instead, it's stilted or hung up at the joint.  As if her elbow were locked tight at a certain angle.

When she walks, her gait is biased towards her right side.  Therefore, her stride is more of a left leg drag than a true symmetrical rhythm like we're used to seeing.  

Because Angie doesn't have lengthy legs, her limp isn't nearly as noticeable.  Were she built more like my oldest daughter, it would be undeniable.  

Another deficit is her inability to jump or run at any pace.  If you were to ask her to do either, she'd laugh at the request.

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When I befriended Angie in high school, she was the most delicate female soul I'd ever encountered.  In line with that was her class and her intelligence, but her core attribute was this virgin saintliness that was so very inspiring / attractive.  Never had I met anyone so fragile yet so compelling.

Angie loves Jesus firstly.  A close second to Jesus is her love for the church.  

Our church, Lakeside Pres, has never had Sunday evening church services.  Angie bemoans this missed opportunity.  For though she's been to church on Sunday morning, she loves the idea of returning for more six hours later.  

This is just how she is and always has been.

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I am and have never been ashamed to have a wife who's physically disabled.  She and I are closer than we've ever been throughout these 28-years of marriage, and much of that is a result of her willingness to allow me to serve her well post stroke.  

How?

Physical stuff for one, such as housework, yard work.  But then too, we've only had intercourse thrice since May 29, 2020.  And I'm not embarrassed to type that.  Most middle-aged couples (with a disabled spouse or not) have very little / much less interest in sexual activity compared to their childbearing / rearing years.

Being physical / doing physical is a reminder of her deficits, therefore we forgo that to make room for other things that are just as / if not moreso (for us) unifying.

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What's so very sobering is really taking the time to acknowledge Angie's limp.  And I did that this past Saturday, (9/7) whilst at our daughters' college campus.  We spent the majority of the day there, traversing (on foot) from one section to another (& back again) in light of their football team's first home game. 

For when I take the time to observe, I see her, once again, as a teenager.  Fragile.  Vulnerable.  And this makes me very, very emotional. 

If you know me at all, you know that I feel at 150% when I allow myself to.  But even when that's intentionally throttled back, compared to most, I'm hypersensitive to emotional states.  And I've grown to love this about myself.

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In closing, Samson Society meetings have been unique Petri dishes for me to hone these sensitivity gifts.  I've done so simply by listening / observing - just as everyone else does - but with my heart completely open.

For I know the shares will be raw and not relegated to critique as we observe each other in kind.  Step by limp by step.          

Time's Up

I believe it's important to address my marriage within my writings, but over the years, I've admittedly gone back and deleted numerous posts related to the familial struggles (her family) my sweet wife (& I) has had to endure throughout the course of our 28-year betrothal.  These struggles I've observed mostly as an onlooker, and though my relationship with my parents has certainly not been ideal (whose is?), their overall mental health / stability has been such the positive contrast to what my in-laws brought to the table.  These aforementioned (long since deleted) posts of mine were driven by heady emotion.  Feelings of betrayal and mistrust, disingenuousness and spite were the absolute catalyst behind those writings.  Thankfully, it didn't take me long to realize the inappropriateness of positioning / publishing them here.

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Before the end of August 2024, my mother-in-law will be institutionalized. She's been living in a super deluxe congregate housing for the elderly (2-bedroom apartment) for the past two years, but now she's become unable to care for herself.  This course of action is inevitable as it pertains to how she's envisioned herself (& subsequently planned for) at this stage of her life.

"Assisted living", as it's dubbed, is within the same complex where she presently resides, therefore logistically, this move will be a cinch.

But my mother-in-law knows that she'll lose her independence the moment she's admitted, and from there, will never regain it.  And primarily, this has to do with her medicated state.  For one of the primary identifiers of "assisted living", first and foremost, has to do with the administering of meds (many of which are psychotropic) via 24/7 nursing staff.  

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Angie's dad has been dead for +/-6 years.  The last few decades of his life were very low quality due to his chronic health issues.  As such, throughout the majority of our 28 years of marriage, he was disabled to the degree that he was unable to drive a car.  This combined with mental health issues (general anxiety disorder / depression) crippled an already diminishing individual.

Angie's parents, like mine, are within the Jackson Metro, therefore we have, over the years, engaged regularly with them, though looking back, it was mostly in light of their (primarily Angie's dad) desire to see their grandchildren (our three daughters).  Now that two of these are college-age, and Bob is long since dead, any engagement with Angie's mother is out of pure Christian benevolence, and man oh man, has my sweet wife doled out some kind of pure Christian benevolence.

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Prior to Angie's mother moving into her apartment, her abode of 40+ years had to be prepared for sale.  Angie and I stepped up and saw that entire 1.5-year process through to the end.

Now, here we are.  Time's up.  Independence is slip, slip, slipping away by the minute.  Congregate housing for the elderly is going by the wayside.

What's sad is how there's been no attempt on my mother-in-law's part to ask forgiveness for all the pain she's inflicted on Angie throughout her life.  Nor has she thanked her daughter for her resolve in consistently caring for her mom.

As such, very soon, with the degree of meds that'll be needed to emotionally lobotomize her (in light of her being forced into "assisted living"), Edie will be no more.  For her mind will be mush in preparation for her Final Destination.

Time's up.

Lagniappe

The Earnest Wife (Puppeteer). Am I Happily Married To A "Doormat"?

During my first Samson Society meeting back in August of 2014, I met a younger man who'd also lost (two, actually) jobs for breaking company policy (IT / personnel).  I wasn't at all sure how to feel about that connection for I was still deeply overwhelmed with shame / grief therein (my similar job loss occurred in September of '13).  

He was very friendly though and did not discount the role his wife played in his recovery.  This piqued my interest.

This younger professional man's initial job loss came during a season where their young family was (as the Turners were) living in small town MS.  They'd been there a good bit longer than our one year, and therefore had made more platonic connections.  As a result of his job loss, his wife promptly "threw him out" (his words) of their house which resulted in him bunking on a friend's couch for +/- one week.  Eventually, he found another job (civil engineering firm), and after that seemingly reciprocal termination, they found themselves looking for work either back home (AL) or somewhere in Jackson (they landed in "The Bold New City").

At some point during all of these fits & starts, my new friend's wife declared that her husband was "someone she didn't recognize".  

I really became dialed in at this revelation for I knew that what she actually meant was:

"This part of you that's so drawn to sexual content / salaciousness / flirtatiousness with the opposite sex, I refuse to acknowledge (though I've been aware of it all along)."

In other words, pretend to be someone else.  Everyone likes you better that way.

I believe it's important to know that his wife was deeply religious, having come from a deeply religious family.

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A much younger, mentally ill Samson brother was quick to call out "doormat" wives within our then troupe.  The year was probably 2018.  In that regard, the husbands married to these ladies were Type A, dominant males.  This younger man obviously felt as if wives shouldn't be submissive?  I have no idea.  

Of course, this raises the question of what actually is / qualifies as submissive.    

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My second architect bossman (1996-2006) divorced his first wife (the mother of his two young sons) due to her being "unreasonable".  This man was / is ten years my senior (he hired me when I was 24).  Now, he'd been intensely hands-on with their second son (birth - preschool), leading me to believe his wife was an educated, working full-time professional (this man, my boss, had since remarried - to one of his employees).  I was never given the opportunity to meet Wife One but oh, how I longed to.  I absolutely wanted to understand more about his terminology.

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Last year, I reached out to a Samson brother who'd posted grim marital news on Slack (on Xmas Eve).  From there, we began to chat weekly.  He'd been separated (but only during the daytime) from his spouse for awhile, living instead at his sister's home (20-minutes drive away).  He been readily dismissing his siblings / parents' criticism of the arrangement (they wanted him back living full-time within his own home).  Instead, choosing to vouch for his wife's demands.

Keep in mind that she was a homeschool mom (to three young children) with bizarre health issues that were / are seemingly undiagnosable.  In fact, one of those bizarre health issues convinced her to demand that they build a new home in lieu of living comfortably (except for her) where they were residing.     

My Samson brother too had lost a job (D-day) via breaking his employer's IT policy.  He'd also executed a full disclosure with his wife under the guidance of a therapist.  I believe it's important to note that his job loss and all the complications therein resulted in suicidal ideation.

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Another Samson (younger) brother whom I've communicated with for a number of years ranks within the top 3 pertaining to intelligence / career success.  He's a brilliant guy who's in turn making money hand over fist.  In spite of his drive / vocational stardom, he's recently endured an "in-home" separation from his spouse.  

Too, she's feeling more agreeable now that his pocket computer is locked down, leaving him unable to go online.

Now, when I say brilliant whilst describing this young man, I'm not referring to just a high ACT / SAT score kind of brilliant.  I'm talking about - change the world sort of brilliant.  

What's interesting about his situation is he's terrified of his wife and her threats (particularly related to divorce).  

Yet, they spend almost all of their free time together.  Whether it's playing sports or vacationing (together with their two small children).  

Another interesting note is his wife is of Mexican descent (he's white).

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And finally, another Samson brother attended last Sunday's "Brain Changers" virtual Samson Society meeting (that I facilitate), having (earlier that Father's Day) been humiliated by his wife (in front of their adult children) via her chiding him pertaining to his "untrustworthiness" with computers (pocket & otherwise).  He was so distraught at her crass disrespect (he was in the middle of doing vacation research for their family) that he was visibly shaken.  I didn't know what to do in response.  

But I can tell you what my kneejerk reaction was.

Hire a divorce attorney yesterday.

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My wife recognized three things back in 2013 (D-day) regarding Rob, her husband:

1.  He'd been honest with her regarding his struggles with sexual sin since their formal engagement in 1995.  

2.  He'd been actively looking for help ever since.  Particularly in line with technological advancements (digital smut's viral availability).  

3.  The emotional fallout tied to his job loss had been devastating to him personally as well as their marriage, considering the risk they'd both taken to execute the new vocational role (with three small children).

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What frustrates me about my friendships with Samson guys, who're either married or seriously involved with the opposite sex, is how disjointed my feelings become regarding WHAT I HEAR of their spouse / spouse's reaction.  And this is due to the overlay of my own spousal support therein.  

I suppose too that I truly believe marriage is a sacred yoking between two very imperfect people.  People who didn't choose marriage to begin with in order to not recognize the desire for integrated, ongoing support.  Especially considering the unpredictability of culture / technology / life and how they intersect personally with each of us as individuals.  

In closing, I often hear Samson guys disclosing how their wives don't feel safe around them anymore.  

As strange as it may sound, I don't know why any woman could find a man attractive who's completely safe to be yoked to.  Men, by definition, are masculine in the sense that they will things into existence that weren't there prior.  They're also disciplined and resilient in line with this pursuit.  Hence, yoking oneself therein will result in risks that far outsize the security baked into a life lived alone.  This is what makes men men, and it's what makes marrying a man so enticing.

What Is The Greatest Gift You've Given Your Wife?

 

A heat sink is a technical term for a portion of a machine that is crucial to managing / regulating the buildup of heat.  This heat is waste energy that's necessitated relative to the machine's creation of movement or light or any number of good things.  Were it not for the existence of the heat sink, this waste energy (in the form of heat) would almost immediately destroy the machine itself by overheating.  Therefore, components would melt down, motors would seize, and everything would go to shit very, very quickly.

Engineered heat sinks are typically bulky and not at all very aesthetically pleasing, therefore they have to be discreetly positioned within the device in order to not draw unnecessary attention away from the whole.  When they're doing their job well, the machine can run at maximum efficiency, performing remarkable work whilst being protected from the inevitable but deadly waste heat.

That being said, Earth's oceans are a God-designed heat sink.  They do their job by absorbing radiant heat from sunlight throughout the day whilst slowly radiating that absorbed heat energy into the atmosphere during the evening.  This oceanic heat absorption / release cycle is paramount to regulating Earth's weather patterns whilst also allowing our planet to benefit so fully from unencumbered sunlight as it spins away on its axis.

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Not long after Angie and I were married (27.5 years ago), we agreed to participate within an evangelism education program at First Baptist Church Jackson (where we were church members).  The 8–12-week program met on a weekday night, and after sharing a meal / listening to the evening's evangelism training lesson, teams of three set out into the city of Jackson to evangelize.  Because our church was as large as it was, there was usually a plethora of recent church visitors who were our first targets.  

I distinctly remember my team visiting a soon to be divorced young wife and her two children.  She was beautiful yet obviously very stressed, sitting there perched on the edge of the stylishly upholstered couch cushion within her family's sizable northeast Jackson home. Everything about her telegraphed the stress of her still new reality.  It was unmistakable and very unsettling to observe.  From the way her eyes darted around her living room to how she nervously reigned in her restless (& soon to be somewhat fatherless) elementary-age children.  It was as if she had been a victim of such the unexpected trauma (which she had), and as a result, everything looking ahead had a deep-seated brokenness framing it. 

I came away horrified at how powerless I was to this woman's woundedness, having never in a million years expecting to be faced with such the despairing situation during a routine church follow-up.  I cannot stress enough the awkwardness between our evangelism team (of three) and this smoldering heap of hopelessness of a human being, during those few minutes.  For it was literally off the charts.  

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I first befriended my wife when we were in high school.  She was an overweight, overly dolled up (cosmetics) porcelain doll of a girl with enough black head hair to easily manufacture three wigs with.  Angie was terribly shy yet so very intelligent / articulate (when she would actually speak).  Whenever I found myself with her (which wasn't very often), I always attempted to make her as comfortable as I possibly could.  And usually, that involved me attempting to inject humor into both the situation we found ourselves within along with the dialogue.  

Angie was naive but only because of her upbringing.  Her parents were much older (20+ years) than most girls her age, and overall, they were prudish to a fault.  

Eventually, she broke free of most everything I've described here (related to her childhood) by attending college far enough from Jackson, Mississippi that she was essentially given the opportunity to reset her entire existence.

Nonetheless, one absolute treasure that came about, in spite of her stifled upbringing, was the emotional counterbalance she naturally developed with her father.  For were it not for that, she and I would not be married today.

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"I can no longer trust him with my feelings."

This mantra is often repeated like a drumbeat within the minds of scorned wives / girlfriends.  For no matter what her man did to warrant this statement, once it's concretized within her mind, it's often a point of no return.

So, what does that statement actually mean?  Never - under any circumstances - would a husband / boyfriend be inclined to say this about his woman.  

"I can no longer trust her with my feelings."      

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Women crave security from their man just as men crave respect from their woman.  And that security extends to providing her with a means to contextualize / organize / engage with the vernacular of her (specific) real-time emotions.  And he doesn't have to be physically present for this to occur.  Not at all.  But he must be emotionally compatible therein and have made (some sort of) a commitment to that compatibility being used to her / their benefit. 

On the flipside of that process, most men (husbands / boyfriends) naturally reciprocate / counterbalance this "heat sink" role via sexual intercourse.  

In essence, the notion is that once he's reached a certain emotional capacity, he uses that reserve to perform sexually.  Therein naturally releasing that excess via coitus before the process starts all over again. 

This is why so many marriages fail as a result of adultery, if you follow this logic.  For it signifies that the husband has found someone else who's just as (if not moreso) compatible as the wife once was.  As a result, the marriage appears to be an outdated one (not unlike a high mileage machine). 

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In closing, this compatibility truly is something special when it's discovered.  And, oh my goodness, does it drive women crazy when it's first set in motion (dating).  Hence, the reason fornication is so prevalent (easy for guys to seduce towards) early into a relationship.  For these ladies are experiencing an incredibly optimized state of being during those initial romantic days.  It truly is being fully alive for them whilst radically buttressing their man's ego throughout.  

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When Angie was in the rehabilitation hospital in Jackson, post stroke (2020), I was so thankful to be allowed to have dinner with her every day in spite of the COVID-19 visitation restrictions.  Whilst looking back, I'm still unsure as to how this accommodation was made for us.  Nevertheless, whenever I'd show up after work, there'd be an extra plate of hospital food waiting for me.  

Oftentimes, I'd wheel her down to floor three, and we'd enjoy our dinner out-of-doors on the covered patio overlooking the adjacent (under construction) children's hospital wing there at University Medical Center.  She'd recount the therapy sessions she'd experienced during her day, and we'd chitchat about the girls / my work.  But I could feel her during those moments, so very efficiently, using me for her own emotional good.  For there was so much emotional energy within her - both positive and negative - during this trying time.  

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In conclusion, if your marriage is healthy, you're very likely married to a woman who had a father who demonstrated a proper compatible male / female emotional relationship.  From there, she grew to become a woman and eventually found a similar compatibility in you.  BE THANKFUL FOR THIS. 

The beauty of all this is in how effortless it operates within the relationship.  For it's God's beautiful, perfect design.

As such, it should be cherished, protected, regaled. 

Lagniappe (Pages 16-22)       

It's Endearing Providing Matrimonial Security (After All These 27 Years) Whilst Horizontal

I mentioned (within a previous post) our recent sleep divorce.  This was something facilitated by our middle daughter (also) leaving for college this fall.  In anticipation of this, over the course of this past summer, the "big girls" room was transformed - via new twin beds / mattresses - from child's room to extra bedroom.

Throughout, my wife was (somewhat privately) repositioning all of this on her own behalf.  Particularly when it came to the mattress purchases (they were quite luxuriously expensive).

My wife's "stroke arm" (her left arm) is often (most comfortable) extended perpendicular to her body whilst she snoozes.  Hence, our queen bed doesn't necessitate this well, particularly with her 200lb husband (me) adjacent.  

Hence, about a month ago (in tandem with daughter #2 leaving for college), the sleep divorce was finalized.  It took me absolutely no time to adjust accordingly, though there were a few nights of eeriness as I began to imagine that Angie had stroked out for a second time and had died. 

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Earlier this week, Angie announced that the sleep divorce was over.  She was ready to sleep re-marry.  

Why?

At first, she was sharing the room with our youngest daughter (8th grader) who was sleeping within the adjacent twin bed.  But that didn't last (her snoring quickly shut this Jill & Jill setup down).  

It was the aloneness that got to her.  Being there within that tiny bedroom by herself.

I'm wondering, though I haven't mentioned it, if it harkened back to her weeklong May 2020 hospital stay post-stroke.  Being ushered in and out of ICU a handful of times throughout that week, and being there alone (I was only allowed to visit for one hour midday, each day, due to pandemic restrictions), made a distinct impression.  

So now she's back in bed with her husband.  And, according to her, she's sleeping soundly.  

It feels nice to provide that security to her via exceedingly close proximity.

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My oldest friend's (college) somewhat recently widowed mom began sleeping with a call-in radio broadcast playing from the adjacent pillow.  She did this to honor her deceased husband's presence enough to replicate that deeply longed for feeling of husband security (her husband died in his early 90s).

Now she's found herself alone in the single-family home that they'd owned together for decades.  

Women crave security.  Men crave respect.    

Angie feels secure.  Rob feels respected.  Win-win.

A Truly Loyal, Loving Samson Brother Is Adept At Holding His Nose (If Momma's Not Happy, Nobody's Happy)

This past winter, my oldest Samson friend asked Angie and I to "double-date" with he and his wife to a local 2023 summer concert.  The tickets for said concert were about to be made available (February), and since we'd very much enjoyed ourselves over the course of a few evenings with these two (throughout the past 8 years), we agreed to shell out the cash for our two adjacent tickets.  Keep in mind that my Samson friend as well as his wife are concert aficionados (live music lovers), and we most certainly are not.  Too, this particular artist we'd absolutely no interest in hearing in concert.  Nonetheless, we really liked the idea of double-dating with these beloveds, knowing that this couple, based on past experience, were reliably fun to spend time with.

The night before the concert, my Samson friend called to announce that his wife no longer had any interest in attending the concert.  As a result, my Samson brother too decided to abandon us (out of "respect" for her).  Earlier that week (perhaps over the weekend), this friend had shockingly confessed that he and his wife had been separated for close to a month.  In spite of our time together earlier in the year, we weren't privy to their marriage woes, nor would we have ever recognized it.

Angie and I did decide to attend the concert.  We saw a number of familiar faces in the (mostly) inebriated crowd.  The vocalist sang about a pig, and from there, we decided to leave at intermission, having felt as if we had literally set ablaze +/-$300 (the retail price for our two tickets).

I felt duped, but too, very thankful that my Angie has never relationally humiliated me in an attempt to control / punish me.

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A wife who attempts to control her husband, primarily via criticism and posturing, combined with insisting on being his moral nanny, is one of my greatest revulsions.

But some Samson guys are literally wired for this treatment as husbands, thereby giving these ladies the utmost respect and servitude.

I have seen it time and time again.

The easiest way to spot these husbands is via their speech.  

If you were to take a week's worth of their verbiage and examine its content, a decided portion (high percentage) would center around the wife.  As if she's primarily what he thinks about and thereby he can't stop talking about (approval?).

At the tail end of last year (off season), our family was vacationing within the same Gulf Coast resort area as a (fairly new) Samson brother (he too was there with his fam).  I excitedly recommended we merge our clans for a shared meal (restaurant / one of our condos) in hopes of having the opportunity to mingle with his fam.  He relayed to me that was not an option due to the fact that his wife refused to "dirty herself & her children" with her husband's perverted Samson Society friends (me & my girls).  Hence, he and I agreed to a meet up early one morning (coffee) before either of our respective vacations expired.  He spent the majority of our time together talking (& weeping) incessantly about, can you guess?

His wife.

I pitied this man.  For it was obvious that he was moreso in bondage to her than any sort of compulsive sexual sin.  Yet, he dutifully seemed to feed off of said bondage / attention.

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During my time working as an architect (during the late '90s), I had a colleague who no doubt had codependent tendencies (I had no formal understanding of this word at the time), and it was his wife who obviously fulfilled that role.  It was the creepiest marriage relationship I'd ever seen.  I remember becoming nauseous (along with most everyone else) every time I'd see the two of them together (which thankfully wasn't that often).  

Fast forward.

A longstanding Samson brother too fell into that same codependency camp.  His marriage though was decades and decades in length, and shockingly, this couple had only engaged in intercourse three times throughout their entire betrothal (both husband and wife were perfectly healthy, middle-aged white people).  It was during one of those three fucks that his wife became pregnant with their only child.

My friend would lament that his wife would privately berate him incessantly regarding how he had destroyed  / was destroying their marriage due to his compulsive online porn use (among other things).

And he seemingly fed on this criticism / nagging.  For he was hooked onto her criticism like a babe is latched onto his mother's teat.    

Whenever I rub shoulders with this couple today, I have to resist the urge to fall to my knees in order to thank God for my Angie.

But that's just me.  

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All this leads me to a young Samson friend who's agreed to his wife's demands relative to real-time slip-up ("acting out") communication / confession.  

I've told him how stupid this agreement was / is, but he refuses to stop doing it.  And, of course, his wife uses it to control him, knowing full well that she's receiving privileged information that's giving her the emotionally-strategic upper hand.  

I could go on and on.  There are Samson guys who take regularly scheduled lie-detector tests for their wives or provide their wives with pocket computer apps that allow them to read their husband's text messages - in real time.  

I've seen Samson guys who share an email address with their wives, encouraging them to read them in kind.  

I've even befriended a Samson guy who allowed his wife to install a camera in their bedroom in order for her to be able to spy on him - at her discretion - whilst away from the house (via her pocket computer).

Weird shit, indeed.

All of this, ultimately, puts the wife in the marriage's (emotional) driver's seat, and these husbands are absolutely thrilled to be relinquishing that responsibility.

Thanks be to God for my sweet wife, Angie, who has no interest in behaving this way within our marriage, but again, this is how I'd prefer it.

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In closing, what should you do if you befriend a married Samson brother as I've described here?  

Hold your nose, and never, under any circumstance assume that he's not parroting every word / detail you speak to him back to his "mommy" (I've made this mistake!).

Lagniappe

More lagniappe

Help Me Lord To Not Discriminate (See Them As Less Than) Against Divorcees

I've always subconsciously deemed divorcees as second-class citizens.  My first memory of making this adjudication occurred not long after I married (27 years ago).  Our church (First Baptist Church Jackson) hosted a Saturday morning "men's conference" at the newly constructed Hinds Community College Eagle Ridge conference center in Raymond.  I was in my mid-20s at the time.

One of the keynote speakers was Mr. Stephen Kirkpatrick, a local professional wildlife photographer.  During Mr. Kirkpatrick's short talk, he acknowledged his grieving over his (recent) divorce.  I vividly remember feeling nauseous as he admitted to this for I was (very) newly married.  

From there, he displayed his slide deck of beautiful wildlife photographs, providing commentary alongside.  I ended up leaving during the break, feeling alienated and duped, unable to see past his marital failure.

Fast forward to today.  If Mr. Nate Larkin were a divorcee, would I be as committed therein to this ministry as I currently am?  Not a chance.

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I've been told that I feel at 150%, and I believe it, though I've learned to manage this far better now than when I was younger.  

This sensitivity serves as the relational glue relative to my (over?)commitment to friendships, but at the same time, it can be the bane of my private existence.  

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Regarding Mr. Kirkpatrick, one of the first questions that came to mind is, what series of events justified the divorce?  Especially considering his obvious success, good looks, intelligence, articulation, leadership skills, and so forth.  Yet, there's no way to answer that inquiry.  It's a moot point.  Instead, I was simply forced to hold the emotional fallout (as a spectator) and do with it what I so chose.

Divorce to me equates to the ultimate unnecessary hopelessness.  Because it's a permanent failure that involves a woman (& often children), it's emotionally overwhelming to process.  

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What I don't take into account is that individuals make mistakes.  Some marry extremely difficult to love spouses.  

I also don't consider the fact that humans aren't perfect.  Especially when it comes to managing relationships.

Lastly, addiction, abuse and adultery are immediate dealbreakers relative to marriage vows.

I hate divorce.  Even though I know it's necessary in many instances.

Help me Lord to not see divorcees as less than.  It's simply not fair to them.  But also, help me to not lose my disdain for this travesty.

A Wife's (Marital) Sexual Charms / Scorecard = A Husband's Sexual Faithfulness To His Marriage...!?!

Is the wife in anyway responsible for her husband's faithfulness within their marriage?  That's the ultimate question as it pertains to the title of this post.

You've likely heard husbands comfortably saddle wives with the responsibility of keeping their libidos satiated / tamed.  Some of these men are pastors who've boldly made those claims from the pulpit.  

Again, Is she responsible in this regard as the wife of her husband?

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This is about as cut-&-dry an issue (for some men) as making weekly date nights a priority for married couples, or husbands bringing their wives flowers once a week.  

And we men, overall, like cut-&-dry.  It simplifies by shirking the responsibility solely onto someone else.

A recent "experiental" video that was presented (as our topical jumping off point) within the virtual Samson Society meeting I regularly attend featured Mr. Robbie Harvey (YouTube) talking about serendipitously "depositing love / goodness" into his wife (daily) and receiving two-fold love / goodness in return.  Every time.  Now that's manly cut-&-dryness.  It's reliable and easy to understand whilst being quite covertly manipulative / passive aggressive.

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If you were to look at marriage as a kaleidoscope relationship that's rotating (& thereby transforming) - to some degree - daily (if not hourly) versus a static, formulaic program, I'm convinced that it not only will be seen much more accurately but appreciated / extolled far more relative to its ever-changing, complex beauty.

As such, blanket active / reactive statements regarding marriage would immediately be pushed aside as inappropriate / unfair / stupid.

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I'm convinced that Satan lures husbands into this over-simplified fray by exploiting their hardwiring as problem solvers who may very well be biased towards performance (as many men are).

If that's you, be wary of this sort of dumbass thinking towards marriage.  It's dangerous, ineffective, and a huge waste of time.  Unless you're married to a robot woman.

The Ultimate Parasocial (Imaginary Friend) Relationship(s) - An Explicit One OR 5K Unassuming (Fully Clothed) Ones?

Recommended reading:  Parasocial Relationships Are Just Imaginary Friends for Adults - The Atlantic

At some point during my middle school years, my next-door neighbor relayed some 900#s (prerecorded phone sex blurbs) for me and my friends to delve into.  If I remember correctly, we called firstly at his abode, and from there, I naively took the handful of numbers home for further investigation.  This was during the mid-80s. 

It wasn't long before I was calling these "pay by the minute" numbers (Imaginary Friends) regularly after school.  My father had a "home office" crammed (literally) into one side of our third bedroom, and on his desk was a phone that I'd often use if I wanted any privacy.  

Oblivious to the "pay by the minute" phone charge, how shocked I was to have my parents approach me therein relative to the exorbitant telephone bill!  I recall apologizing before quickly blaming the neighbor boy's influence.  

This really has been my only exposure to phone sex of any ilk.  Whilst looking back, I'm thankful that I was too young / naive to understand half of the explicit words being said into my ear via the sultry prerecorded 900# voices.

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A huge part of my trajectory relative to my recovery from chronic gay porn (Internet) consumption was me gaining an understanding of my longing / need / desire for being seen clearly by other men.  Particularly men who I had respect for.  Consuming gay porn enabled that illusion with remarkable ease (Imaginary Friends).  But at the same time, it (these Imaginary Friends) perpetually served as a misanthrope (feedback loop) in proportion to the greater intrinsic need that Rob had.

Nonetheless, I LOATHED consuming Internet porn because I'd long since earnestly privately rejected the trappings of culturally normal, if not celebrated, parasocial relationships (available via mainstream entertainment) as a college student (well in advance of the Internet coming to fruition).  Therefore, I felt deeply immature regarding my bondage to Internet porn as a result.  

So, what qualified Internet porn so differently than mainstream entertainment, in terms of fostering a parasocial relationship (Imaginary Friendship)?

For Rob, it was the overt explicitness.  Right there on my private computer screen.  Beautifully photographed / filmed, extraordinarily sexy and naked men having sex with themselves and other men.  

I'd never seen anything like it.  It was mind-boggling to behold.

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Yesterday morning, I worked out at the Y.  As there's been a handful of other times, a lovely blonde woman (about my age) working out too.  It's always been apparent that there's a bit of chemistry between us, though we've only spoken in passing.  She's about my age, and obviously quite dedicated to her own physical fitness.  

This AM, she was intentional about flaunting her spandex clad back end as I was doing floor-based roll-outs adjacent.  I remember thinking how awkward I would be feeling had I been straight.  

Nevertheless, I kept my head down throughout as I repetitively endured my set of roll-outs, choosing to not take advantage of the opportunity (ogling / flirting).

Whilst thinking back on that, even if I had been straight (& single), how akin it would have been for me to covertly seek out engaging within a parasocial relationship (Imaginary Friend)  (modeled perhaps after her "back end") than one directly with her.

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I'm at Sam's Club weekly, purchasing everything from fresh fruit to premade entrees (kale pasta salad!) and bottled water / staples for our family.  A few weeks back, I observed a couple "parking lot flirt" with each other as he assisted her in checking the fluids within her aging Honda Civic.  Throughout, they were sharing a vape while she took every opportunity to touch / embrace him (mostly from behind) as if he were a big teddy bear.  

She'd arrived firstly onto the vast asphalt pavement.  From there, he strategically pulled his full-size pickup alongside within just a matter of minutes.  

I made no attempts to disguise the fact that I was observing their flirtatious behavior in real time.  

Eventually, they walked into the giant discount retail store together with her arm around his waist.  And even whilst inside (I bumped into them), she continued her tactile affirmation.  

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I'm not convinced women overall find themselves ensnared by the pervasiveness of explicitness as we men so often are.  Most women are interested in far more subtle means of sexualization.

+/-15 years ago, I gave my sweet wife a freshly purchased copy (Amazon) of Bondi Work by Aussie photographer, Paul Freeman.  And I did this on Valentine's Day, hoping she'd "drop her guard" and begin to relish the naturalistic beauty of superbly (explicitly!) photographed men.  

Perhaps she'd have received my gift with a more positive response had there been less genitalia so prominently displayed throughout the coffee-table book.  

Nonetheless, it's a book of photos taken by a same-sex attracted man, therefore there's no shortage of digitally enhanced junk.  

In the end, my gift fell as flat as the time I gifted my mom (a six pack) CFL light bulbs for Christmas.

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A close friend recently divulged his belief that he's "rejection phobic" in tandem with being ADHD.  As far as I know, my friend's not been clinically diagnosed ADHD, but based on his own personal research, he very much believes himself to be.

I felt so humbled to have been bequeathed this discovery from him.  So much so, in fact, that I've now found myself historically ruminating on it, on occasion, ever since (I've known this friend for well over a decade).

What strikes me as slightly unconvincing though regarding his revelation has to do with him unaccounting for his deep entrenchment with parasocial relationships (Imaginary Friends).  Whether they're explicit (pornographic) or not.  For social media has been and is today's parasocial relationship floodwater(s), having inundated almost every facet (demographic, race, individual, corporate, nonprofit, religious & on & on) of humanity's existence.  My friend's (& his wife's) life is no different than the average bear relative to social media.  They are (& have been for a decade plus as far as I know) deeply entrenched therein.  As such, THEY ARE CULTURALLY NORMAL.

Nonetheless, is there no more culturally relevant place to be impacted by the parasocial (Imaginary Friends) than social media?  Social media, with its seemingly harmless yet infinitesimal display of photos, videos, memes, emojis, likes / dislikes, truncated statements, and on and on?

Question:  Has my old friend accounted for the role social media's been allowed to play within his life over the past 10+ years relative to the difficulties he has today whilst engaging face-to-face? 

I can't help but wonder about this.

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And this leads me to...

My argument against social media is as follows (in line with the notion that real, authentic relationships more often than not, take a back seat):

1.  There's less time ("crowding out") for them (taking into account the time spent engaging with parasocial- Imaginary Friends - relationships online).

2. I'm of the opinion that social media junkies' brains have literally been re-wired to devalue authentic relationships in comparison to the vast quantity of parasocial ones (due to the brain's allegiance / time spent therein to social media).

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In closing, I circle back to the young couple flirting in the Sam's Club parking lot as well as the aforementioned fitness beauty at the Y.  

Though I didn't engage with these individuals beyond observation, there's no doubt they were not Imaginary.

In fact, regarding the latter, I'll perhaps see her again in a few weeks (depending on when I next visit the Y).  

What sets these individuals apart is I had / have the opportunity to engage with these folks.  And there's miniscule risks that any of them are going to shed their clothes as a result.  This is normal human relational behavior that can be built upon - no matter what the outcome might be (rejection or otherwise).

Now, go back and re-read that article.  It's profound and incredibly thought provoking.  I'm of the opinion that it can be applied to every Samson guy's life.

Lagniappe

More lagniappe 

"Momma's Been Married Five Times."

A few weekends back, I had lunch with a friend from church as an embarrassingly tardy follow-up.  He's one of those (surprisingly cool) middle-aged men who's a contrarian (taking his own upbringing into consideration) relative to his marriage / rearing of his own children.

When he and I dined together initially (pre-pandemic - 2019? - I honestly can't recall exactly), I vaguely remember him chatting a fair amount about his devout Christian mother.  He likely mentioned (the embarrassing truth) her marital track record then, but it must have blown past Rob without registering.  More than likely, I simply had forgotten about this curiosity.  Or perhaps, I felt a pity overflow (for him), and therefore simply refused to allow it to stick.  Considering this latter assumption, I cannot underestimate the fact that today, he presents himself as a really nice guy who simply found himself (as a boy) within the line of fire as a result of his mother's issues.

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I have a deceased uncle whose second wife (& mother to three of my cousins) is now married to husband #6 or maybe #7.  She's - at present - essentially estranged from some (if not all) of her three children due to this chronic romantic recklessness.  

Back in the early '80s, she was repeatedly unfaithful (with her eventual second husband) to my uncle which subsequently resulted in their divorce.  

There's a story that I've heard my father (& another deceased uncle - my dad's younger brother) reminisce about relative to some of her infidelity hijinks during this time.  It has to do with the two of them accompanying their brother (her then husband) on an "adultery stakeout" in small town Mississippi.  The punchline zeroed in on her large breasts stalling her from escaping out of her lover's bathroom window (supposedly topless) in reaction to her husband (my suspecting uncle) banging on the front door.  

I recall the first time (+/-15 years ago) I heard my dad and his younger brother awkwardly retell this heartbreaking tale.  For everyone knew that it was her husband's punitive - after the fact - physical reaction (he assaulted her) that gave her clear legal credence to ultimately file for divorce (& gain custody of my cousins).  From there, their beautiful three boys were gone forever.

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I never really thought about / considered women being compulsive sex consumers until I became involved in Samson Society.

Years ago, a former parishioner at Lakeside Pres was referred to me (as the then facilitator of the Lakeside Pres Samson Society group).  He and I had dined casually once prior, but circumstances being what they were now, our second sit-down was not at all as jovial as the first.  As a result, he agreed to attend his first (& only) Saturday morning meeting.

The first statement out of his mouth was (during share time):  "My wife is a sex addict.  That's why I'm here."

That's the one and only time I've ever heard a guy make that statement within all the hundreds and hundreds of Samson meetings I've attended since August of 2014.  

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I've known of a few older Samson guys who've married much younger (& understandably hornier) women.  Youth = vitality (particularly as it relates to libido).

But that's not what I'm attempting to address here.  This has more to do with women who've allowed sex to become perpetually disproportioned relative to its influence / relevance within a romantic relationship.  And what makes this so weird to wrap one's brain around has to do with how the majority of women approach sex overall.

Sexual activity for a woman is 99% of the time rooted in the notion of security.  Even if it's an illusion or fantasy.  

Women participate in intercourse believing for those few minutes that their lover is their "knight in shining armor".  It's a powerfully securing experience for them that promulgates feminine orgasm.  Anatomically, with men "going into" women with their penises, the act itself demonstrates this consensual act.  Otherwise, it's rape / assault.

As such, sex for women is never cheap because their heart (either literally or fantastically) is involved each and every time it occurs.

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But there are those women - no doubt - who're moreso like (some) men regarding sexual perspective.  Hence, it has become a methodology or technique to control / use / abuse, and as such, they themselves see no need for being "protected" / "heart connected" by / to their lover.  Instead, it's simply a pleasurable experience that satiates their horniness for such a time as that.  And this drives them onward, brandishing their seductiveness to whomever they wish to use within their orbit.

To me, this is an ugly description, but especially so if it happens to be your momma.  Yuck.

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In closing, when I worked at Delta State University in 2013, I had the good fortune of befriending one of my employees - to the degree that I circumstantially (conflict of interest) could.  He was an absolutely beautiful (physically & emotionally) pagan man with such a sweet spirit.  I was so fortunate to know him for those fast-moving twelve months.

What truly drew us together was him choosing to (reluctantly) answer my questions about his upbringing there in the Mississippi Delta.  And part of that commentary inevitably centered on his mother.  

This man had no issue labeling her a "whore".  This was shocking to hear, but nevertheless, he described how pervasive her routine was at bedding men throughout the impoverished region during his growing up years.  

I imagine, taking his physical appearance into consideration, that she likely had been equally as attractive in her own right.

After Rob was fired from that institution in September of 2013, Angie and I did share one last meal with my work friend and his wife.  Afterwards, he and I sat out on his patio, and I awkwardly shared my story (to the best of my ability at the time).  

From there, we quickly lost touch as our family returned to the Jackson Metro.

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The Bible addresses the women I'm attempting to describe here.  One of the most famous is actually within the lineage (bloodline) of Jesus (she was a prostitute).  

I know so little about what promulgates women like this, yet I've seen firsthand the tremendous suffering / shame their own sexual brokenness can cause.  It brings me pause, furthering my respect for men who carry this matriarchal legacy with them - day after day.

Honoring A Grieving Samson Brother

Larry Blackman regularly attended the First Baptist Church Jackson Samson Society meetings throughout a number of those initial (outset) years ('14-'16).  He was separated from his wife at the time.  She was in Michigan, and he was here.  They were a childless couple who both loved music.  In fact, from what I vaguely remember, Larry's passion for music served to indirectly promulgate his eventual need (crisis) for Samson Society.

I haven't seen, heard nor thought about Larry 'till earlier today.  Mr. Don Waller was kind enough to loop some of us Metro Jackson Samson "old timer" guys into a depressing update that came from Larry directly to him.

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The thing I remember most about Larry is he was never not smiling.  To the point of being giddy (or high).  Whether we were in a Samson meeting or at an after meeting, he seemed overjoyed to simply be there with us.  The second thing I remember about Larry was his brilliance.  He was an engineer by trade, working at a sizable corporate outfit (branch) here in the Magnolia State.  You could always tell his processor was spinning at a much faster rpm than your typical Mississippi redneck (me).  

Thirdly, Larry was always, always asking questions of whomever was within earshot.  And these weren't overly personal questions like I tend to ask, but questions that were more philosophical in nature (grounded in generalities).  I could never tell if he simply was avoiding being probed (via his provocative chattiness), or if he truly was innately curious as to how others around him might respond to his seemingly endless inquiries.

I can tell you, having known other engineers (from out of state) who landed here as he did, within the butt crack of America, most of those were / are just as uniquely peculiar as Larry.

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My fondest memory of Larry was his presence at the 2015 Samson Society Okatoma rafting trip.  A perfectly scaled group of us Samson guys went down for an overnight (Saturday) trip, enjoying a day of rafting that summer afternoon.  Larry and I were both in one-man kayaks (you can choose either a kayak or canoe) on the river, and this was to our advantage due to the fact that we got caught in a thunderstorm.  He and I raced downstream throughout the squall as all the other boaters (hundreds) took shelter along the banks.  Once we reached the exit point, he and I waited together for quite a while as our crew eventually caught up to us.  By then, the storm had long passed.  I can still remember my being amazed at how much speed this diminutive dude was able to achieve throughout that unexpected drama.  I'm here to tell you, Larry was FAST.   

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So, what prompted Larry to reemerge today, via his digital communication with Mr. Don Waller?  

It was his sweet wife's unexpected death that served to motivate.  Here's what he shared with Don:

Hi Don!  I thought I’d send this obituary to you since you’ve been very important to me and my wife, and your key role in our healing.

I lost my wife last week in an unexpected, but medical way, last week.  It was not the result of her chronic conditions, but is an emotionally wrenching mystery.  I’m just emerging from the shock, and have faced dehydration just from tears alone.  I know God works things in certain ways, but the hurt is now spread over the myriad fragments of my broken heart and the silence where my music once was. 

Thank you for being my inspiration during a difficult period in my life; still, the unimaginable grief I’m in ha [sic] exceeded all of my life’s experience.

I hope that all is going well for you with Samson activities and your family.  Tirzah and I really intended to get our Christmas cards going last week; now there’s just this void; I’m bridging it with keeping busy and talks with friends/ family.  Maybe God is calling me for something, but my tears are obscuring my vision on a regular basis.  Perhaps the music will recover soon ...

Merry Christmas and absolutely sincere regards,

Miss you!

Larry (big ler, Lars)


Don, you can share this with the guys, particularly those who may remember that kayak trip picture you sent back in March.

Sincerely yours,
Larry

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Please remember Larry, through my memories or via your own, and please pray for him as he grieves this terrible loss during the holidays.  (He's the Samson brother wearing the sunglasses in the photos below.)

Tirzah A. Blackman obituary