Firstly, what is a relational wedge?
Some veteran Jackson Mississippi Samson guys' musings, recommended resources, and Samson Society news / updates (all written by 100% Grade A - Human Intelligence)
Weekly meetings available to you are as follows:
Tuesday at 6:30 PM, Truitt Baptist Church - Pearl. Call Matt Flint at (601) 260-8518 or email him at matthewflint.makes@gmail.com.
Wednesday at 6:00 PM, First Baptist Church Jackson - Summit Counseling Suite - 431 North State St. Jackson. Call Don Waller at 601-946-1290 or email him at don@wallerbros.com.
Monday at 6:30 PM , Vertical Church - 521 Gluckstadt Road Madison, MS 39110. Mr. Roane Hunter, facilitator, LifeWorks Counseling.
Sunday night at 6:00 PM, Grace Crossing Baptist Church - 598 Yandell Rd. Canton. Call Joe McCalman at 769-567-6195 or email him at cookandnoonie@gmail.com.
Wednesday, June 4, 2025
Is A Loved One / Friend / Professional Colleague Attempting To Drive A Wedge Between You & A Third Relational Leg (Parent / Common Friend / Professional Colleague or Bossman)? Read On.
Sunday, July 21, 2024
As a Christian, You're Going To Get Hurt Within Samson Society. Why Expect This? Because You're Called To Serve Firstly & Feel Secondly.
Prior to losing my Campus Architect / Facilities Director position at Delta State University in 2013, I was surrounded by men day in and day out via the demands of / setup within my vocational role. I did my darndest to treat everyone fairly, but since I was only there one year prior to my termination (thanks to me violating their IT policy), I really only had time to grow close to a handful of these blue-collar blokes. Overall, though, I felt this experience was literally the zenith of my career as an architect. And I felt this at day one. It truly had all the makings of a dream job.
My leadership approach was as follows: open-door, listen and try to help without in any way pretending to know better than they did (because I usually didn't). My predecessor had taken the exact opposite approach, therefore the change in leadership style, for my minions, was like a breath of fresh air.
Saturday, October 21, 2023
Do You Advocate For Your Children / Grandchildren, Or Are You A Militant Asshole / Absentee Father? Or, Is It Somewhere In Between?
Within the city of Jackson, Mississippi (Mississippi's capital), there resides three urban universities and one seminary (I believe I'm correct in my count). One of these universities is public while the other two are private. Understandably, the public university is much larger overall (more affordable tuition).
My two oldest daughters are university students within the largest south Mississippi city, Hattiesburg. There're two urban collegiate institutions there, one public and one private, the former of which is very close to the same size as the aforementioned public university in Jackson. Hattiesburg, MS is overall safe and thriving economically. It has a distinct character and strong sense of place.
This aforementioned public (& again, by far largest) university within the city of Jackson resides within the most unsafe / economically depressed region of the city. The institution itself is not walled off (security fencing) from the city as one of the two private institutions are, therefore like a traditional urban college, I'm fairly certain that it resides seamlessly within the urban fabric of the capital city of Mississippi. A city that's overall unsafe and floundering economically (Jackson is losing populace faster than any other city in America). This, in recent years, has led to an overall depressing character and undeniably hopeless sense of place relative to how the city of Jackson is perceived as a whole (think third world country).
My wife, Angie, graduated from Baylor University back in the early '90s. Baylor resides in Waco, TX. It's a city that, per my wife's commentary, combined with my own short stints visiting, is overall safe and thriving economically. It too had / has a distinct character and strong sense of place.
Taking all of that into consideration, under no circumstances would I allow a child of mine (no matter the gender) to enroll at the public university (the largest of the three institutions) within the city of Jackson. No. Matter. What.
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As a parent, seeing a child off - college bound - takes breathtaking courage. But it also requires parental guidance.
I can remember reading years ago of a Baylor University student who was killed via a hit & run there in Waco. He was riding his bike (alongside another student) after dark when it happened. The boy was a musician from the Midwest who'd chosen to attend Baylor in spite of no previous familial connection therein.
As you can imagine, the university was heartbroken, and the parents were devastated. Eventually, the driver was located and charged. From what I recall, the manslaughterer was a middle-aged white woman (educator within the local K-12 public school system) who was driving drunk.
This was tremendously out of character tragedy for the city of Waco, home to Baylor University.
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College students are within that "in-between" stage of life. No longer children but too, not exactly adults either. College provides a great petri dish experience for this age group to establish some independent work ethic via a semi-controlled environment.
This past week, a university student (from out of state) at the aforementioned public university in Jackson was murdered on campus (at a university-owned apartment complex). The suspects in this murder are also college students, but from other institutions outside of central MS.
What would you do / how would you react if your college student son / daughter was murdered on their college campus? Especially considering your child's supposed stellar track record as a student / human being.
Would you question the role that you played relative to agreeing to support your child's enrollment within that institution? Ultimately, how would you manage the emotional aftermath of seeing your child murdered not only during his most springboard season of life but at the very institution / within the very city where that springboarding was supposed to occur?
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This hits home with Rob.
Monday, October 24, 2022
Heart Attacker - The Death Of A "Good Man"
I've written extensively about the emotional trauma / fallout I endured via my termination from Delta State University in September of 2013. Therein I experienced more pain / suffering than I ever thought imaginable. All at the hands of an MBA / CPA who I greatly admired as my boss (in spite of his short 7-week up-to-that-point-in-time tenure as such).
Thursday, September 29, 2022
Re-Do This For Me, My Brother, & Let Not My (Or Your) Experience Be Anything Other Than My (Your) Very Own
Prior to Rob becoming involved in Samson Society, I had a brief stint with another, wholly localized men's ministry. That ministry was BPO (Business & Professional Outreach) International (Phil Hardin, Director) headquartered (at the time) here in central MS.
Back in February of 2014, I attended a Deer Camp men's retreat (the flagship experience of BPO) in rural Holmes County at the behest of Phil. I'd attended a couple of therapy sessions with him at his Clinton, MS home (where he also had his office), and he strongly recommended I come to the forthcoming February retreat.
Friday, September 2, 2022
Denying Yourself & Making Faithfulness (To Christ) Your Highest Priority
Losing my campus architect job from Delta State University proved devastating to me emotionally. For it was an environment I found challenging, energetic and perfectly suited for someone of my professional skillset (plus it was my dad's alma mater). I cannot overstate here how satisfied I was with this administrative position. It was September of 2013 when the termination occurred, right around this time of year (late summer transitioning into early fall). Though I'd only been employed there for one year, I'd spent countless hours of overtime (mostly weekends) shoring up the position of Campus Architect (at the expense of my family / personal life), all of which had resulted in some needed stability / restored confidence within the Physical Plant.
Saturday, May 21, 2022
Let's Talk Samson - "Hyper-Independence"
Note from Stephen: Over the next few weeks, I will be sharing some short posts titled "Let's Talk Samson..." The following post below originated from the Samson Society Facebook page. Specific permission was obtained from the Samson Society in order for the Jackson Mississippi Samson Society blog to re-post and share the contents. The ideas and thoughts presented here originated via the Samson Society's Facebook Page, and permission has been granted to share both ideas and images via this blog. At the end, I will add my own personal commentary and reflection; these will be presented in bold, italic lettering to designate my personal views as they pertain to the original posting. ~ Stephen
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Children who
experience emotional or physical neglect learn to replace the deep craving for
connection with "not needing anyone."
It's an instinct to self-protect and is an effective
coping tool to survive an unsafe and/or painful environment.
Hyper-independence numbs the deep craving for love and
connection. It takes the pain of rejection, abandonment, sadness, and grief,
and transforms it into a perceived self-confidence:
▪ "I don't need anyone."
▪ "I can do this on my own."
▪ "Why let you in? Everyone eventually
leaves."
When we’re used, betrayed, or disrespected, it’s easy
for us to create the belief that we can’t rely on anybody else. We don’t want
to feel that pain ever again, so we protect ourselves by believing we can walk
on this world without the help of others.
This mindset leads to:
▪ taking on too much
▪ saying no to help
▪ having trouble with delegating tasks
We may think being on our own is much better than
letting people in, but what we’re really doing is closing ourself off to life.
This is why community, such as the brotherhood of
Samson, is vital to our journey of recovery, healing, and just "doing
life."
Stephen's Commentary:
I am not a fan of social media and partake of it sparingly. I am a very private person, and I thank the good Lord every day that I grew up in a day and age when social media wasn't even a word that existed in the vernacular of Americans. Still, social media does have its moments and it also has certain areas in which it demonstrates usefulness. One particular way that I have found social media to be useful is via the Samson Facebook page. A few weeks ago, I came across a post that stopped me dead in my tracks. Quite literally, it stopped me dead in my tracks and caused me to have to sit down and pause for a few moments. Very few things that I have ever read online have pulled a sucker punch on me like this post did. Many thoughts raced through my mind at once: "This is me...this is who I am...Whoever wrote this looked right through my hardened veneer into the depths of my soul...They get it...they understand...maybe there are others out there like me..."
I have always been a "hyper-independent" person. Until I read this Facebook post, I didn't realize that there was even such a term to describe someone such as myself. Through the work I've done over the past 6 years via Samson, I have been able to re-trace the steps back through my life to see exactly when and where I started down the path of becoming "hyper-independent." Prior to Samson, I didn't know how to begin this process, nor would I have even cared to! Being a "hyper-independent" introverted person is very painful at times. Even though I can be an extroverted-introvert (ambivert) at times, the "hyper-independence" within me still reigns strong. "Hyper-independent" is perhaps the strongest over-arching character trait that is present in my life.
Being "hyper-independent" is DANGEROUS. Being such a person usually means keeping everyone at arm's length. As a husband and father, "hyper-independence" still, at times, causes me to be withdrawn and emotionally unavailable to those who need me the most...my family.
Being "hyper-independent" is EXHAUSTING. Being a chameleon in order to demonstrate a wonderful "outward" appearance while often struggling internally is both mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Being "hyper-independent" is extremely LONELY. A few weeks ago, my son was very sick, and was hospitalized for a week in the local children's hospital. My wife never left his side and spent the week in the hospital with him. My days consisted of working half days and running back and forth to the hospital during the remaining time to take care of my family. At night, I was at home caring for my three dogs. Aside from a few people we told, I did not reach out to anyone. Even though I was mentally exhausted and emotionally drained by the end of the day, my "hyper-independence" caused me to not reach out to anyone and struggle alone with my fears and my thoughts. It was a rough week.
Being "hyper-independent" is not who I want to be. Above, I have included a screenshot of the original post. The words I have highlighted in yellow describe me. That is Stephen. And I need help moving past that. But my "hyper-independence" assures me that I do not. I need people who will continue to convince me of the need to abandon my desire for "hyper-independence." ~Stephen
Children who experience emotional or physical neglect learn to replace the deep craving for connection with "not needing anyone."
It's an instinct to self-protect and is an effective coping tool to survive an unsafe and/or painful environment.
Hyper-independence numbs the deep craving for love and connection. It takes the pain of rejection, abandonment, sadness, and grief, and transforms it into a perceived self-confidence:
▪ "I don't need anyone."
▪ "I can do this on my own."
▪ "Why let you in? Everyone eventually leaves."
When we’re used, betrayed, or disrespected, it’s easy for us to create the belief that we can’t rely on anybody else. We don’t want to feel that pain ever again, so we protect ourselves by believing we can walk on this world without the help of others.
This mindset leads to:
▪ taking on too much
▪ saying no to help
▪ having trouble with delegating tasks
We may think being on our own is much better than letting people in, but what we’re really doing is closing ourself off to life.
This is why community, such as the brotherhood of Samson, is vital to our journey of recovery, healing, and just "doing life."
Stephen's Commentary:
I am not a fan of social media and partake of it sparingly. I am a very private person, and I thank the good Lord every day that I grew up in a day and age when social media wasn't even a word that existed in the vernacular of Americans. Still, social media does have its moments and it also has certain areas in which it demonstrates usefulness. One particular way that I have found social media to be useful is via the Samson Facebook page. A few weeks ago, I came across a post that stopped me dead in my tracks. Quite literally, it stopped me dead in my tracks and caused me to have to sit down and pause for a few moments. Very few things that I have ever read online have pulled a sucker punch on me like this post did. Many thoughts raced through my mind at once: "This is me...this is who I am...Whoever wrote this looked right through my hardened veneer into the depths of my soul...They get it...they understand...maybe there are others out there like me..."
I have always been a "hyper-independent" person. Until I read this Facebook post, I didn't realize that there was even such a term to describe someone such as myself. Through the work I've done over the past 6 years via Samson, I have been able to re-trace the steps back through my life to see exactly when and where I started down the path of becoming "hyper-independent." Prior to Samson, I didn't know how to begin this process, nor would I have even cared to! Being a "hyper-independent" introverted person is very painful at times. Even though I can be an extroverted-introvert (ambivert) at times, the "hyper-independence" within me still reigns strong. "Hyper-independent" is perhaps the strongest over-arching character trait that is present in my life.
Being "hyper-independent" is DANGEROUS. Being such a person usually means keeping everyone at arm's length. As a husband and father, "hyper-independence" still, at times, causes me to be withdrawn and emotionally unavailable to those who need me the most...my family.
Being "hyper-independent" is EXHAUSTING. Being a chameleon in order to demonstrate a wonderful "outward" appearance while often struggling internally is both mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Being "hyper-independent" is extremely LONELY. A few weeks ago, my son was very sick, and was hospitalized for a week in the local children's hospital. My wife never left his side and spent the week in the hospital with him. My days consisted of working half days and running back and forth to the hospital during the remaining time to take care of my family. At night, I was at home caring for my three dogs. Aside from a few people we told, I did not reach out to anyone. Even though I was mentally exhausted and emotionally drained by the end of the day, my "hyper-independence" caused me to not reach out to anyone and struggle alone with my fears and my thoughts. It was a rough week.
Being "hyper-independent" is not who I want to be. Above, I have included a screenshot of the original post. The words I have highlighted in yellow describe me. That is Stephen. And I need help moving past that. But my "hyper-independence" assures me that I do not. I need people who will continue to convince me of the need to abandon my desire for "hyper-independence." ~Stephen