I referenced within an earlier post how important it can be that I keep a lid on my emotions here at the homestead (around my wife / daughters), and how that approach has, in the past (pre-Samson Society involvement), been detrimental to me successfully steering clear of lustful fantasies (supplemented by porn consumption or not) from the standpoint of using said fantasies as an emotional enema.
But I'd like to expound on this a bit from the standpoint of what exactly my wife is forced to emotionally manage day in and day out.
And I want to do this because you may be able to relate either as a husband or wife relative to the dynamics of our situation.
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Firstly though, it's important that you know that my wife's mother is a widow whom lives just 7-8 miles from our abode. She "stays" (as black people put it) within the same home Angie (who's now 50) and her brother (who's now 46) were reared in (in Jackson) throughout the majority of their school years (as students of Jackson Academy).
This home was mortgaged by her parents, all those years ago, due to her father moving his brood back here from Hattiesburg - in response to an unexpected job loss - out of necessity to take another job.
This job loss and subsequent move no doubt (as it's been described to me) represented a major demotion for Angie's dad, and as such, her mother went off the deep end as a result. And when I say went off the deep end, I mean she went batshit crazy over his job loss / demotion.
It's important to know that when I unexpectedly lost my job back in 2013, Angie was very intentional about staying emotionally / physically supportive of our family in spite of the obvious embarrassment / shame that manifested itself as a result. And I must say, had she not been such a steely, consistently hopeful presence within our family's life during that dark season, I would surely not have endured the situation. Angie reacted as such the contrarian - for her family - in response to what she'd witnessed from her own mother as a child (within a somewhat similar scenario).
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Emotional "flare ups", as I call them, do occur within our household, and more often than not, they're due to the inevitable internal dynamics between my wife and any number of our daughters. There's a boatload of estrogen there, therefore...
I try hard to take them in stride, but there are times when I too, need to exhaust some emotions out of frustration / fatigue.
But when I do, and it's within earshot of my wife, this represents a problem for her.
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Angie's middle / high school years were filled with emotional torment. Torment that put her (& her brother) squarely within the sights of her mother's penchant for refusing to take responsibility for her own feelings. Therefore, Angie's default, even today as a 50-year-old wife / mother, is to blame herself for everyone else's feelings / state of mind. Even if said feelings in no way involve her.
It is the weirdest phenomena to experience, yet we're all so used to it, that it's become the norm.
So, here's the interesting part to all of this.
Angie's mother is a fiercely independent woman, yet she's now reached a point, due to advanced age, that she can no longer manage her affairs. And this means, someone needs to step up. Someone she should be able to trust (like her deeply scarred children).
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As Christians, we're called to serve. Go the extra mile. Turn the other cheek. And Angie, for sure, learnt that growing up at First Baptist Church Jackson (alongside me).
Jesus modeled all of these (as chronicled within the gospels) and FBC Jackson's senior pastor throughout the '80s (when she & I were children) both lived it out and preached it eloquently.
Yet, no amount of obedience to the commands of Jesus can come sans the supernatural. Especially when that call to obedience happens to involve those whose hands have doled out their fair share of trauma.
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger often makes good sense whilst giving advice to her radio show listeners, but it's important to note that she is not a Christian. As such, were she in my wife's shoes today, her mother's former emotional abuse would result in payback that consisted of a reciprocal neglect later in life. I know this because it's one of my hang ups regarding her approach to advising her callers. (Plus, she also lived this out with her own mother.)
Dr. Schlessinger often justifies this kind of response as one which stems from "mom tearing up her mother card". In other words, mother's disqualifying themselves due to their neglect, therefore deserving to be forever punished by their children as a result.
It's a hardline, militant approach that completely ignores the prospect / joy of potential reconciliation, and one of the best slang terms that I've found for this is delightfully "burning bridges".
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One of my oldest friends just recently returned to the Jackson Metro after being terminated from a fantastic job opportunity within another state. His former out-of-state employer is also a friend of mine / ours, therefore as you might imagine, this put me in quite the emotional quagmire. And to make matters much worse (for everyone involved), my friend, who just recently moved back to Jackson, chose to burn the bridge between himself and our mutual friend (his former out-of-state employer) out of disgust regarding the situation that transpired.
And this man has served as a deacon in a number of local churches.
His rationale for behaving this way was rooted in one thing: his feelings. Feelings which consisted of outrage, disillusionment, mistrust, and so forth. And I get that. Those feelings are legitimate and deserve to be accounted for.
Yet, I disagree with his decision to blame others for those feelings, and in turn, punish them therein. Especially when those others have such a longstanding track record of support and love.
As Christians, our overarching focus should be, each and every day, on eternity. Eternity obtained via our inevitable death. Eternity where Jesus is within our presence always.
Why?
As our king (today and on into eternity), emulating his humility and care properly befits us as representatives of his grace. Even within the most accusatory, unfair, debilitating circumstances that embroil us with heady, visceral emotions.
We are not our own. We are now serving within his ranks. Heaven will be ours to enjoy because of what he chose to emulate for us. Christians are not to behave / react / enact like everyone else.
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