Modern buildings cannot support themselves without structural members tied to a foundation. It's the
starting point of construction. Prior to the industrial revolution, structural members within a building
consisted primarily of the walls themselves. Hence they were dubbed load bearing walls. These walls
were very thick (particularly at the base) and at times had buttresses designed in to reinforce their
solidarity. Because the entire wall was supporting the roof and floors above, the wall could only be
described as a system which was tightly enmeshed relative to structure, interior finish, and exterior
envelope. Master tradesmen executed these designs with very few drawings / specs and oversight.
Today, very few commercial buildings utilize a structural system that consists of load bearing walls
exclusively. The reasoning behind this is primarily scale of fenestration (doors / windows) limitations as
well as building height. In lieu of load bearing walls, today's buildings are supported primarily
via structural steel and / or poured in place concrete frames. From an architectural standpoint, the modern structural system is seen as a necessary evil. Steel
columns are typically encapsulated within wall cavities underneath spray-on fireproofing while roof
trusses are typically given the cold shoulder in lieu of precisely symmetrical HVAC ductwork and exposed
cable trays. Concrete work isn't eschewed quite as severely, though rarely do you see structural
concrete work left exposed to the interior sans extensive finish touch up. In other words, it's assumed
that structure for structure's sake isn't to be celebrated much less respected in the least. Instead, it's the
frou frou that takes center stage. That being, interior finishes and envelope design. For pete's sake,
even furnishings get more respect! But, no one can argue that without structural systems, there would be no architecture, much less
buildings of any type.
As we used to say in architecture school, the sky crane has yet to be invented!
This 21st century architectural reality is identical to the sexual roles we're faced with today in our
western culture. Imagine structural systems (steel framing / concrete and steel foundations or the aforementioned load bearing walls) being a metaphor for
masculinity whilst all the interior finishes and envelope (including wall framing) to be a metaphor for
femininity. One might argue that one of the primary identifiers of a building as shelter is its envelope relative
to watertightness and interior comfort, but no one can dispute the plinth of existing that is a building's
structural system. Yet, the structural system can be hidden and still perform admirably, and as I stated
earlier, in today's architecture, it very rarely isn't. This is certainly not the case for the building envelope. It is always in clear view.
In today's culture, men and women are equal and completely independent of each other, yet in the
Bible, man was created by God prior to his helpmeet, woman, being formed from the rib of the
man. The Bible doesn't address their roles initially in any more detail than what I just wrote, but it's
clear that after the Fall, the masculine and feminine become more pronounced due to the paradigm
shift that inevitably occurred. What did that look like? I don't care to speculate, but I feel that both
Adam and Eve became much more defined in their complementarian sex roles.
If you want to damage a female or locate a damaged female, abandon one at a young age or find one
who's been abandoned by a patriarchal figure. Many (if not all) lesbians have patriarchal abandonment
issues. That being said, many lesbians aren't sexually attracted to other women despite the fact that they prefer to partner with them. For those who aren't,
they choose to be with other women in order to find emotional support that's in no way connected or
dependent upon men. This is their method of coping with the trauma associated with the patriarchal
abandonment, alleviating the risk entirely of experiencing said trauma again.
There is nothing that defines femininity more than their dependence on the masculine - by
definition. When this dependence is exploited by males, females suffer tremendous emotional consequences.
The feminine wouldn't exist without the masculine. They are byproducts of our existence. To be feminine is to be in need of support. Sometimes that's physical but mostly it's spiritual, economic,
and emotional. The latter is more of an anchor than anything else, albeit, some men do this better than
others. Women are forbidden to preach and teach to men. It's cut and dry in God's word. The feminine is beautiful and protective and nurturing. It's fashionable and fluid to the point of being in
many cases, seductive. But, that being said, the feminine can be crushed easily, resulting in devastation.
It is a delicately balanced relationship that's harmonious whilst being firmly planted in righteousness. To God be the glory for creating woman out of man. She is amazing to behold.
Saturday, July 27, 2019
The Marriage Pyramid
Written July, 2017
There is a pyramid that exists containing all of the marriages that are within my / our realm of influence. It's analogous to a pyramid built out of playing cards with each marriage represented by a pair of cards. I’m cognizant of these as I / we interact with other couples whether it be through vocation or church, neighborhood or school. There are far too many of these to count, but the ones that are closest to the bottom provide the most support to us. These inevitably are made up of older couples whose marriages had stood the test of time much longer than our own.
Many years ago, we became fast friends with an older couple with one teenage son. They were mentors of ours that we came to know through our church, and they loved us as we loved them. Angie and I hadn’t had any children at this point and overall were very much starting out on all fronts. Our new marriage had already hit some extremely rough patches during the initial two years. That being said, we were thankful to have this older Christian couple in our lives who'd been married for close to 2 decades.
Surprisingly, our friends decided to divorce a few years into our friendship. As far as we knew (based on what they communicated with us), the circumstances didn’t warrant the divorce from a Biblical standpoint, but nonetheless, they chose to do so. I recall we had just had our first child at this time. I can still remember sitting with my wife and asking the same question over and over – why would they choose to do this to us - to themselves and to us? What gain is there in throwing away everything they'd built together?
From there, Angie did have one last meeting with her / our friend, though neither of us ever did speak to the man (husband). The outcome of that meeting was one of disappointment and a sense of immense powerlessness relative to the integrity (that's a key concept here) of small area of the aforementioned marriage pyramid. From there, the woman chose to never speak to us again. It was heartbreaking to live through as we could feel their loss and ultimate abandonment of us within our very core.
When this couple chose to divorce, the stability of our marriage was inevitably shaken due to the fact that we were standing in many ways on their shoulders. The goodness and faithfulness that they were actively displaying served to buttress us in countless ways. Without it, we became less steady and certainly more jaded relative to the institution of marriage as a whole, and this was especially true as vulnerable newlyweds.
My initial employer out of college was a divorcee. He’d remarried and had two beautiful daughters with wife number two. I can remember spending time with their family at Christmas (awkward office parties) and over the summer at their lake house (even more awkward office party) one particularly hot July afternoon. They were obviously happily married, but I was always cognizant of the fact that their marriage wasn’t their first, therefore I didn’t consider it to necessarily qualify for our (first marriage) pyramid. It wasn’t that they weren’t altogether a fine example of a healthy marriage, but no matter how I sliced it, the pain from their initial failed marriage was visible within each of them as individuals. And it was that pain that I had such a difficult time looking past. Though I certainly wished them well, there was a sizable part of me that wanted nothing to do with that pain. Ever. And again, we were especially sensitive to this as newlyweds.
My second employer was a partnership, and the shareholder I worked for the mostest throughout my tenure there was a divorcee who’d remarried one of his employees who was also a divorcee. I spent many years working closely with this man on projects large and small, learning so much about the profession of architecture along the way, but when it came to marriage number two, it was obvious that it as well was difficult and not necessarily headed for deep seated solidarity. All the while, he had two boys from his first marriage who were living with their mother and his new wife also had a son who was living with his father.
This Saturday, I was in the grocery and bumped into this man. He was all smiles, giving me an update on his family. Within that delivery, I asked about his stepson. For I knew tangentially both this boy and his wife. In fact, I’d even attended their wedding – out of respect for my former boss – at Pinelake Baptist Church.
From what I could recall, the stepson had two daughters and they were living close by. I’d even seen his stepson and one of his granddaughters at our local elementary school at a father / daughter dance that I’d also attended a number of years back. All and all, this young man seemed to be a very cool guy.
And then the bomb dropped when...
My old boss informed me nonchalantly that his stepson had recently divorced, and actually had just remarried the night before!
I know my countenance revealed by nausea to him. I could feel it sync up with the pain in my heart. Within that moment, I flashedbackwards to his stepson’s wedding day at Pinelake church. It enabled me to see so many beautiful details that I’d long since forgotten.
This couple was striking together. Beautiful. He was a tall, handsome blonde and she was also a very attractive, tall blonde. Both professed to be Christians. College educated. Articulate. Funny. And on and on. I was so happy for them both, especially considering the familial difficulties the man had faced being reared within a broken home.
Upon seeing my reaction, my old boss then glossed over this news and continued forward into other relational particulars about his work, etc. Despite his best efforts, I was too shocked to hear anything else of any substance. Eventually, we parted ways there in the produce section.
Throughout this weekend, I’ve felt despair over this and so many divorces that I’ve witnessed relative to our pyramid. And honestly, it makes me fear for my own marriage. Every time I encounter another failed marriage, I’m forced to recall all of the others that have come before. And at this point in our marriage, there are too many divorces to keep up with.
In conclusion, there are so many divorces that have weakened our pyramid throughout the years. Couples of varying ages and walks of life. Through work or platonic connections, church or neighborhood we’re left speechless at the sheer quantity of divorces, re-marriages, divorces, and re-marriages. It’s literally like a plague that’s devastated the integrity of our region of the marriage pyramid and this devastation continues forward even as I type this. Depressing to say the least.
We feel powerless as we watch this destruction unfold. It’s heartbreaking – literally.
God hates divorce. I am convinced the marriage pyramid wasn’t meant to be compromised in this way. Each of our marriages truly are connected to each other within our own community. Who can endure the tangential pain of witnessing the destruction of marriages all around us?
Lagniappe
There is a pyramid that exists containing all of the marriages that are within my / our realm of influence. It's analogous to a pyramid built out of playing cards with each marriage represented by a pair of cards. I’m cognizant of these as I / we interact with other couples whether it be through vocation or church, neighborhood or school. There are far too many of these to count, but the ones that are closest to the bottom provide the most support to us. These inevitably are made up of older couples whose marriages had stood the test of time much longer than our own.
Many years ago, we became fast friends with an older couple with one teenage son. They were mentors of ours that we came to know through our church, and they loved us as we loved them. Angie and I hadn’t had any children at this point and overall were very much starting out on all fronts. Our new marriage had already hit some extremely rough patches during the initial two years. That being said, we were thankful to have this older Christian couple in our lives who'd been married for close to 2 decades.
Surprisingly, our friends decided to divorce a few years into our friendship. As far as we knew (based on what they communicated with us), the circumstances didn’t warrant the divorce from a Biblical standpoint, but nonetheless, they chose to do so. I recall we had just had our first child at this time. I can still remember sitting with my wife and asking the same question over and over – why would they choose to do this to us - to themselves and to us? What gain is there in throwing away everything they'd built together?
From there, Angie did have one last meeting with her / our friend, though neither of us ever did speak to the man (husband). The outcome of that meeting was one of disappointment and a sense of immense powerlessness relative to the integrity (that's a key concept here) of small area of the aforementioned marriage pyramid. From there, the woman chose to never speak to us again. It was heartbreaking to live through as we could feel their loss and ultimate abandonment of us within our very core.
When this couple chose to divorce, the stability of our marriage was inevitably shaken due to the fact that we were standing in many ways on their shoulders. The goodness and faithfulness that they were actively displaying served to buttress us in countless ways. Without it, we became less steady and certainly more jaded relative to the institution of marriage as a whole, and this was especially true as vulnerable newlyweds.
My initial employer out of college was a divorcee. He’d remarried and had two beautiful daughters with wife number two. I can remember spending time with their family at Christmas (awkward office parties) and over the summer at their lake house (even more awkward office party) one particularly hot July afternoon. They were obviously happily married, but I was always cognizant of the fact that their marriage wasn’t their first, therefore I didn’t consider it to necessarily qualify for our (first marriage) pyramid. It wasn’t that they weren’t altogether a fine example of a healthy marriage, but no matter how I sliced it, the pain from their initial failed marriage was visible within each of them as individuals. And it was that pain that I had such a difficult time looking past. Though I certainly wished them well, there was a sizable part of me that wanted nothing to do with that pain. Ever. And again, we were especially sensitive to this as newlyweds.
My second employer was a partnership, and the shareholder I worked for the mostest throughout my tenure there was a divorcee who’d remarried one of his employees who was also a divorcee. I spent many years working closely with this man on projects large and small, learning so much about the profession of architecture along the way, but when it came to marriage number two, it was obvious that it as well was difficult and not necessarily headed for deep seated solidarity. All the while, he had two boys from his first marriage who were living with their mother and his new wife also had a son who was living with his father.
This Saturday, I was in the grocery and bumped into this man. He was all smiles, giving me an update on his family. Within that delivery, I asked about his stepson. For I knew tangentially both this boy and his wife. In fact, I’d even attended their wedding – out of respect for my former boss – at Pinelake Baptist Church.
From what I could recall, the stepson had two daughters and they were living close by. I’d even seen his stepson and one of his granddaughters at our local elementary school at a father / daughter dance that I’d also attended a number of years back. All and all, this young man seemed to be a very cool guy.
And then the bomb dropped when...
My old boss informed me nonchalantly that his stepson had recently divorced, and actually had just remarried the night before!
I know my countenance revealed by nausea to him. I could feel it sync up with the pain in my heart. Within that moment, I flashedbackwards to his stepson’s wedding day at Pinelake church. It enabled me to see so many beautiful details that I’d long since forgotten.
This couple was striking together. Beautiful. He was a tall, handsome blonde and she was also a very attractive, tall blonde. Both professed to be Christians. College educated. Articulate. Funny. And on and on. I was so happy for them both, especially considering the familial difficulties the man had faced being reared within a broken home.
Upon seeing my reaction, my old boss then glossed over this news and continued forward into other relational particulars about his work, etc. Despite his best efforts, I was too shocked to hear anything else of any substance. Eventually, we parted ways there in the produce section.
Throughout this weekend, I’ve felt despair over this and so many divorces that I’ve witnessed relative to our pyramid. And honestly, it makes me fear for my own marriage. Every time I encounter another failed marriage, I’m forced to recall all of the others that have come before. And at this point in our marriage, there are too many divorces to keep up with.
In conclusion, there are so many divorces that have weakened our pyramid throughout the years. Couples of varying ages and walks of life. Through work or platonic connections, church or neighborhood we’re left speechless at the sheer quantity of divorces, re-marriages, divorces, and re-marriages. It’s literally like a plague that’s devastated the integrity of our region of the marriage pyramid and this devastation continues forward even as I type this. Depressing to say the least.
We feel powerless as we watch this destruction unfold. It’s heartbreaking – literally.
God hates divorce. I am convinced the marriage pyramid wasn’t meant to be compromised in this way. Each of our marriages truly are connected to each other within our own community. Who can endure the tangential pain of witnessing the destruction of marriages all around us?
Lagniappe
Sunday, July 21, 2019
Be Transformed
None of us can change our friends, spouses, parents, neighbors, employers, siblings. We have no bearing on their decisions or behavior, attitudes, or outlook. Their opinion of us in general, our points of view, faith, etc. are their own. We have no bearing there either.
This truth is a very frustrating one due to the fact that we live in a culture that prioritizes customization as well as the illusion of total life control. Therefore, as consumers, we gravitate towards experiences that provide this by default. Whether we're purchasing an automobile, a technological device, or a hamburger.
We want instantaneous gratification with exactly what we specify from our entertainment, recreational activities, even spiritual experiences. And, who wouldn't? It's such a conveniently luxurious paradigm to exist within.
Hence, these two work against each other, to the point that we begin to question why we're not seeing cross pollination occur between (which is ridiculous to consider, but often at times, how our brains operate).
-------------------------
I want to encourage you to consider the following:
The more you invest personally in cultural catering / luxuries, conversely, the more you'll potentially become stupefied / confused relative to your relationships - whether they're corporate or individual 'till eventually you begin to equate expectationally (my word) one with the other. Be mindful of that. It's a very slippery slope that can wreak emotional havoc rather quickly.
Remember, we're sheep. Sheep are stupid. Stupid is a verb. Many a divorce, premature job quitting, abandoned friendship, estranged family member, disappointment in church / charitable org stems from this unequivocal stance. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP. If you do, know this, you've been duped.
--------------------------
Lastly, you also have little control over your own self as it relates to sin and your sin nature. Disappointing but true. In other words, it's going to get the best of you unless you become an adopted son of God, and even then, you're going to have to fight tooth and nail to be victorious over your flesh over the long-term.
And that truth leads me to eternity, a word / concept that's as ignored as the entire concept of sin is within our culture.
Eternity: Afterlife. Heaven. Hell. Man's soul living beyond his body.
Do you believe or think on this truth? The Bible is built on this concept of life after death here on Earth. If you happen to believe life ends at brain death, you might as well take your Bible and use it as a doorstop.
As children, we all certainly hoped for eternity by default. That was ingrained in our DNA. Ask any child about death, and you'll immediately see that it scares them (just as it should scare us). They're keenly interested in believing that life doesn't simply stop there. Jesus cited children's simple faith as an example of what man's faith should look like, and that story I'm reminded of here.
Do you believe in life after death? Does it terrify you to consider eternity in hell for yourself and those I mentioned earlier (all those people you have no control over)?
Are you interested in allowing God to transform you into someone else, even as you continue to walk this Earth? The Bible says that we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. What does that mean, and how might it occur? Read Scripture. It's detailed there. The apostle Paul in particular, wrote an awful lot about this.
For me, there's much peace of mind that comes with knowing transformation is happening / active within my life, and that this process is God's alone to ordain / implement / execute. I like resting in this truth. Especially when I'm frustrated over the one I mentioned earlier. Too, I rest similarly knowing I can pray for those whom I have no control over and trust that God's hand is / will be working within their lives as well - as he sees fit.
I want to experience heaven after death, but too, I similarly want to experience heaven now by taking part in the becoming of a new Rob each and every day. There's joy there in seeing that occur as my flesh dies and my spirit matures. All thanks to God's grace. Let that be your / our only focus today.
This truth is a very frustrating one due to the fact that we live in a culture that prioritizes customization as well as the illusion of total life control. Therefore, as consumers, we gravitate towards experiences that provide this by default. Whether we're purchasing an automobile, a technological device, or a hamburger.
We want instantaneous gratification with exactly what we specify from our entertainment, recreational activities, even spiritual experiences. And, who wouldn't? It's such a conveniently luxurious paradigm to exist within.
Hence, these two work against each other, to the point that we begin to question why we're not seeing cross pollination occur between (which is ridiculous to consider, but often at times, how our brains operate).
-------------------------
I want to encourage you to consider the following:
The more you invest personally in cultural catering / luxuries, conversely, the more you'll potentially become stupefied / confused relative to your relationships - whether they're corporate or individual 'till eventually you begin to equate expectationally (my word) one with the other. Be mindful of that. It's a very slippery slope that can wreak emotional havoc rather quickly.
Remember, we're sheep. Sheep are stupid. Stupid is a verb. Many a divorce, premature job quitting, abandoned friendship, estranged family member, disappointment in church / charitable org stems from this unequivocal stance. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP. If you do, know this, you've been duped.
--------------------------
Lastly, you also have little control over your own self as it relates to sin and your sin nature. Disappointing but true. In other words, it's going to get the best of you unless you become an adopted son of God, and even then, you're going to have to fight tooth and nail to be victorious over your flesh over the long-term.
And that truth leads me to eternity, a word / concept that's as ignored as the entire concept of sin is within our culture.
Eternity: Afterlife. Heaven. Hell. Man's soul living beyond his body.
Do you believe or think on this truth? The Bible is built on this concept of life after death here on Earth. If you happen to believe life ends at brain death, you might as well take your Bible and use it as a doorstop.
As children, we all certainly hoped for eternity by default. That was ingrained in our DNA. Ask any child about death, and you'll immediately see that it scares them (just as it should scare us). They're keenly interested in believing that life doesn't simply stop there. Jesus cited children's simple faith as an example of what man's faith should look like, and that story I'm reminded of here.
Do you believe in life after death? Does it terrify you to consider eternity in hell for yourself and those I mentioned earlier (all those people you have no control over)?
Are you interested in allowing God to transform you into someone else, even as you continue to walk this Earth? The Bible says that we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. What does that mean, and how might it occur? Read Scripture. It's detailed there. The apostle Paul in particular, wrote an awful lot about this.
For me, there's much peace of mind that comes with knowing transformation is happening / active within my life, and that this process is God's alone to ordain / implement / execute. I like resting in this truth. Especially when I'm frustrated over the one I mentioned earlier. Too, I rest similarly knowing I can pray for those whom I have no control over and trust that God's hand is / will be working within their lives as well - as he sees fit.
I want to experience heaven after death, but too, I similarly want to experience heaven now by taking part in the becoming of a new Rob each and every day. There's joy there in seeing that occur as my flesh dies and my spirit matures. All thanks to God's grace. Let that be your / our only focus today.
Saturday, July 20, 2019
You Become the Company You Keep
I've been thinking more and more on my best friend in high school. Considering that, I'm sad to report he's no longer a friend. That being said, how grateful I am to have had him in my life for such a time as that.
When I was about to start my 9th grade year in high school, this soon to be friend of mine was similarly about to start his 10th, and it was during this time in our lives that I platonically pursued both he and his best friend (who happened to be female) with equal effort. Rob needed friends, and I had admired these two from afar, having the opportunity to observe their rapport whilst together in the marching band.
What soon followed (after I'd been allowed into their circle) was David beginning to pull away from his friendgirl and gravitating more and more towards Rob. And none of this did I expect, nor did I comprehend exactly how I was situationally affecting his life. All I'd desired was friendship from each of them, but in making my move, I gained so much more than that by unknowingly meeting an unmet need of his that I had no way of originally seeing because...
David was exceedingly bright. His grades were tops, yet he simply stayed inside of himself completely, never attempting to excel beyond what required deep thought. And I believe that was what was so intriguing to me. He had no insecurity in being focused on schoolwork or tennis or marching band or pop culture alone. Everything else (and there was much more going on - as there always is) was ignored or perhaps compartmentalized. This kind of intense focus made for an almost impenetrable aura of coolness.
And I believe this modus operandi seemed masculine to David because it off gassed the perception of a confidence that was seemingly unprecedented for a teenage boy, much less a young man.
For example, I remember vividly hearing of David giving his valedictorian speech using leadership examples that were exceedingly effeminate for a Mississippi teen. Yet, no one questioned this due to the fact that it came from him. It was simply David being David.
And I loved this confidence. It's what I admired most about him on a subconscious level, being much too young to understand what was truly going on between us.
-------------------------
On the opposing end of this friendship persona spectrum is deep seated insecurity. Insecurity which in some men breeds cynicism. And this by some can be defined as criticism with no hope.
It wasn't 'till I was in the professional world that I witnessed this. Envy breeds from this particular internal outlook as well as paranoia. Two attributes that tend to isolate men, which can cause them to ultimately cannibalize their own selves prior to self-destructing.
These men also have needs, but whilst acknowledging that for yourself, it feels like such a risk to invest there knowing that likely they'll be nothing gained in return.
But, what does God expect of us as Christians? Of course, invest. Take the risk, not expecting anything in return, and encourage this man to listen to this Pirate Monk podcast.
-------------------------
So, where is David today?
He's far from Mississippi, living a life that breaks my heart.
I'm certain he's very similar to who I remember him to be all those years ago, and I doubt I'll ever meet anyone with his level of confidence again, therefore I'm fortunate to have had the time I once did.
God is good. His blessing detailed here on teenage me. So much of who I am grew out of the fertile soil that my long ago friendship with David provided.
When I was about to start my 9th grade year in high school, this soon to be friend of mine was similarly about to start his 10th, and it was during this time in our lives that I platonically pursued both he and his best friend (who happened to be female) with equal effort. Rob needed friends, and I had admired these two from afar, having the opportunity to observe their rapport whilst together in the marching band.
What soon followed (after I'd been allowed into their circle) was David beginning to pull away from his friendgirl and gravitating more and more towards Rob. And none of this did I expect, nor did I comprehend exactly how I was situationally affecting his life. All I'd desired was friendship from each of them, but in making my move, I gained so much more than that by unknowingly meeting an unmet need of his that I had no way of originally seeing because...
David was exceedingly bright. His grades were tops, yet he simply stayed inside of himself completely, never attempting to excel beyond what required deep thought. And I believe that was what was so intriguing to me. He had no insecurity in being focused on schoolwork or tennis or marching band or pop culture alone. Everything else (and there was much more going on - as there always is) was ignored or perhaps compartmentalized. This kind of intense focus made for an almost impenetrable aura of coolness.
And I believe this modus operandi seemed masculine to David because it off gassed the perception of a confidence that was seemingly unprecedented for a teenage boy, much less a young man.
For example, I remember vividly hearing of David giving his valedictorian speech using leadership examples that were exceedingly effeminate for a Mississippi teen. Yet, no one questioned this due to the fact that it came from him. It was simply David being David.
And I loved this confidence. It's what I admired most about him on a subconscious level, being much too young to understand what was truly going on between us.
-------------------------
On the opposing end of this friendship persona spectrum is deep seated insecurity. Insecurity which in some men breeds cynicism. And this by some can be defined as criticism with no hope.
It wasn't 'till I was in the professional world that I witnessed this. Envy breeds from this particular internal outlook as well as paranoia. Two attributes that tend to isolate men, which can cause them to ultimately cannibalize their own selves prior to self-destructing.
These men also have needs, but whilst acknowledging that for yourself, it feels like such a risk to invest there knowing that likely they'll be nothing gained in return.
But, what does God expect of us as Christians? Of course, invest. Take the risk, not expecting anything in return, and encourage this man to listen to this Pirate Monk podcast.
-------------------------
So, where is David today?
He's far from Mississippi, living a life that breaks my heart.
I'm certain he's very similar to who I remember him to be all those years ago, and I doubt I'll ever meet anyone with his level of confidence again, therefore I'm fortunate to have had the time I once did.
God is good. His blessing detailed here on teenage me. So much of who I am grew out of the fertile soil that my long ago friendship with David provided.
Why Is Samson Society Important To Rob?
Yesterday afternoon, the office was quiet. Everyone had left but me. I needed to finish up a few more things prior to Monday when it all starts again. Work. Work. Work. The never ending pursuit of making money through employment whether to someone else or for your own self. Got to get those bills paid and save up for retirement!
There are 2 PCs at my office that are unmonitored via Covenant Eyes, therefore they serve as opportunities for me to peruse Internet porn whilst there alone. Years ago, when the Internet began to become ubiquitous within white collar office settings, I would seize the opportunity to do this repeatedly. Whether it was over the weekend or after hours on weekdays, and even if for a few minutes.
Consuming Internet porn is cathartic for Rob. It's like smoking weed, I suppose. I cannot think of a more enjoyable, relaxing pursuit than browsing for smut online. So many of the images are strikingly beautiful and the unlimited amount of smut is such fun to parse through!
Back in 2013, I was terminated from my "dream job" due to my breaching my employer's information technology policy. Not only had I been surfing for porn (and subsequently masturbating at my desk), but I was writing a blog not unlike this one where I was recounting to the world my struggles with / bondage to sexual sin. That termination - how it was executed - was not unlike being raped emotionally. And through that violation, I became impregnated with a massive sense of worthlessness. For 18+ months, I struggled with PTSD. At my lowest point, I was suicidal.
Never have I experienced such emotional pain and hardship. It was devastatingly difficult to endure the ever demanding responsibilities of life through that nightmare.
-------------------------
Prior to my termination, I was attempting to pursue friendships with Christian men within the small town setting we found ourselves within. We were members of a thriving Presbyterian Church, and I attended every early morning (monthly) men's prayer breakfast that was available to me. These were well attended, but stagnant in helping Rob make platonic connections. Plus, the build up of shame I was experiencing on every occasion I walked into that church was becoming very difficult to bear.
What I craved were friendships that were built on authenticity. I wanted men in my life that were willing to invest in me on a personal level. Men who were interested in my story and who would be willing to walk with me through that particular season / setting of life.
I remember writing a letter to the senior pastor of this church and asking for help. To be more specific, I needed some counsel relative to the issue of masturbation, being keenly interested in his take on that issue.
Unfortunately, he chose to shun me in lieu of reciprocating.
As you can imagine, this only made my situation more shameful. I felt like a martian at this point.
--------------------------
Satan exists. He's the father of lies, and his goal is to kill all of us by concocting such theatrics within our individual lives that we eventually succumb to the ordinary. The routine. It's called settling, and I was fast approaching this particular resolve.
But then there's our Heavenly Father. He's in pursuit, working to counter our own lethargic selves / situational trappings as well as our number one Enemy, Lucifer.
-------------------------
+/-9 months after being terminated from my job, I began to talk openly to my sweet wife about the repeated voices in my head that were saying, "Why Don't You Kill Yourself?", and thanks to her prompting me to talk with my father about said voices, I eventually found Samson Society.
And the rest is history.
I remember vividly the first Wednesday night I walked into a meeting. I remember both the excitement mixed with the shame regarding my story (recent failures as well as overall). I can still see the faces of so many men, all of which I admittedly longed to know better.
Those memories, from both that initial meeting as well as the countless others I've both attended and facilitated, carry me forward and serve to bind me to this ministry where relational accountability is uplifted and celebrated amongst men. This is why Samson Society is so important to me.
And no, I chose to not look at Internet porn yesterday at the office after hours.
There are 2 PCs at my office that are unmonitored via Covenant Eyes, therefore they serve as opportunities for me to peruse Internet porn whilst there alone. Years ago, when the Internet began to become ubiquitous within white collar office settings, I would seize the opportunity to do this repeatedly. Whether it was over the weekend or after hours on weekdays, and even if for a few minutes.
Consuming Internet porn is cathartic for Rob. It's like smoking weed, I suppose. I cannot think of a more enjoyable, relaxing pursuit than browsing for smut online. So many of the images are strikingly beautiful and the unlimited amount of smut is such fun to parse through!
Back in 2013, I was terminated from my "dream job" due to my breaching my employer's information technology policy. Not only had I been surfing for porn (and subsequently masturbating at my desk), but I was writing a blog not unlike this one where I was recounting to the world my struggles with / bondage to sexual sin. That termination - how it was executed - was not unlike being raped emotionally. And through that violation, I became impregnated with a massive sense of worthlessness. For 18+ months, I struggled with PTSD. At my lowest point, I was suicidal.
Never have I experienced such emotional pain and hardship. It was devastatingly difficult to endure the ever demanding responsibilities of life through that nightmare.
-------------------------
Prior to my termination, I was attempting to pursue friendships with Christian men within the small town setting we found ourselves within. We were members of a thriving Presbyterian Church, and I attended every early morning (monthly) men's prayer breakfast that was available to me. These were well attended, but stagnant in helping Rob make platonic connections. Plus, the build up of shame I was experiencing on every occasion I walked into that church was becoming very difficult to bear.
What I craved were friendships that were built on authenticity. I wanted men in my life that were willing to invest in me on a personal level. Men who were interested in my story and who would be willing to walk with me through that particular season / setting of life.
I remember writing a letter to the senior pastor of this church and asking for help. To be more specific, I needed some counsel relative to the issue of masturbation, being keenly interested in his take on that issue.
Unfortunately, he chose to shun me in lieu of reciprocating.
As you can imagine, this only made my situation more shameful. I felt like a martian at this point.
--------------------------
Satan exists. He's the father of lies, and his goal is to kill all of us by concocting such theatrics within our individual lives that we eventually succumb to the ordinary. The routine. It's called settling, and I was fast approaching this particular resolve.
But then there's our Heavenly Father. He's in pursuit, working to counter our own lethargic selves / situational trappings as well as our number one Enemy, Lucifer.
-------------------------
+/-9 months after being terminated from my job, I began to talk openly to my sweet wife about the repeated voices in my head that were saying, "Why Don't You Kill Yourself?", and thanks to her prompting me to talk with my father about said voices, I eventually found Samson Society.
And the rest is history.
I remember vividly the first Wednesday night I walked into a meeting. I remember both the excitement mixed with the shame regarding my story (recent failures as well as overall). I can still see the faces of so many men, all of which I admittedly longed to know better.
Those memories, from both that initial meeting as well as the countless others I've both attended and facilitated, carry me forward and serve to bind me to this ministry where relational accountability is uplifted and celebrated amongst men. This is why Samson Society is so important to me.
And no, I chose to not look at Internet porn yesterday at the office after hours.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
The Post Office Box of the Mind
Many years ago, my wife took over the responsibility of checking the business Post Office Box of her employer, a small accounting firm who'd recently relocated their operation to south Mississippi. The firm was a small husband / wife operation, but in needing to move south, they still had a client base here that demanded servicing. Therefore, Angie was happy to help; hence, she stayed onboard.
Most nights after work, I would stop by the Post Office to check the aforementioned box, and for weeks and weeks on end, each time I'd open it up, it would be jam packed with catalogs from every conceivable retailer you could imagine.
There were toy catalogs, lingerie, men and women's clothing, hardware, furniture, home accessories, and on and on. I remember too there were catalogs that fell into the offbeat category such as fairy themed statuary, Irish pub themed interior decor, etc. It was amazing to behold how much junk mail was being delivered to this one P.O. Box each and every day in Brandon, Mississippi.
-------------------------
During my last year of college, I was dealing with so much up in my head that I had no idea what to truly make of it. Circumstantially, I was in deep with my girlfriend (now wife), and soon to be (hopefully) employed at my first job within the architectural field. I decided it was time for me to seek help. Too much was at stake for me to continue forward on my own. I'd spent years and years attempting to analyze and ultimately understand my thought life, but it was a 2-month backpacking trip during the summer of '94 that finally brought me to a place where I knew I didn't want to go at this alone any more.
Eventually, I confided in my 'rents as to my state of mind, and from there, they were kind enough to assist me in obtaining quality counsel, and it was through that relationship with that (now deceased) clinical psychologist that light began to be shed on my situation. He and I sorted through and unpacked an awful lot over 3 or 4 months. Plus, he provided numerous cautionary words that no one else with that same insight had ever shared with me. It was a wonderfully helpful experience!
For Rob, sinful behavior was nurtured by and within this state of mental confusion. I never used it as an excuse, but despite my ownership in what I was taking part in, I knew I was much more susceptible to temptation whilst being within a state of confusion.
Considering that truth from my past and subsequently applying it today, I've had men also advise me to stave off access to sin-laden opportunities. And I believe this is sound advice. Pragmatics certainly can play into protecting ourselves as Christians, but what's really wonderfully helpful at times is having someone more experienced come alongside you to assist in unpacking mental deliverables that inevitably keep showing up unannounced. Deliverables which seem to promulgate out of some unforeseen or unclear point of origin.
-------------------------
Eventually, I took action against the Post Office Box, I deciding to stave off the unnecessary waste as well as the huge distraction it was to Rob. I have to admit that I simply couldn't resist the pull to leaf through all this unsolicited junk mail day after day.
Therefore, I systematically began calling the retailers one by one. I did this at home with my daily stack of catalogs in hand, asking for this particular P.O. Box to be removed from their mailing list. It was a long, tedious process, but it was worth it, and after 2 or 3 months, I'd taken care of every one despite the fact that I had to call certain companies repeatedly.
My attitude here regarding this was one of novel steadfastness. In other words, I tried to see the opportunity in relegating this work to myself as more than just a drudgery. Instead, it was an attempt to be consistent relative to a condition that I'd found myself within via no surrogacy of my own.
I suppose you might liken this situation to renting an apartment that was haunted, or perhaps purchasing a used car that seemingly drives itself away unannounced after you'd parked it in front of your apartment rental. Annoying and very weird, but such is life sometimes.
I can personally attest that the mind is complex and sometimes needs "higher oversight", requiring its owner to reach out for help. Also, unpacking takes work and lots of dedicated time that's realistically impossible to do alone. Therefore, don't hesitate to reach out for help. Take action against a state of mind that's negatively intrusive in its ways. Hijacking is no doubt a real experience, but no doubt one that should be settled for.
Most nights after work, I would stop by the Post Office to check the aforementioned box, and for weeks and weeks on end, each time I'd open it up, it would be jam packed with catalogs from every conceivable retailer you could imagine.
There were toy catalogs, lingerie, men and women's clothing, hardware, furniture, home accessories, and on and on. I remember too there were catalogs that fell into the offbeat category such as fairy themed statuary, Irish pub themed interior decor, etc. It was amazing to behold how much junk mail was being delivered to this one P.O. Box each and every day in Brandon, Mississippi.
-------------------------
During my last year of college, I was dealing with so much up in my head that I had no idea what to truly make of it. Circumstantially, I was in deep with my girlfriend (now wife), and soon to be (hopefully) employed at my first job within the architectural field. I decided it was time for me to seek help. Too much was at stake for me to continue forward on my own. I'd spent years and years attempting to analyze and ultimately understand my thought life, but it was a 2-month backpacking trip during the summer of '94 that finally brought me to a place where I knew I didn't want to go at this alone any more.
Eventually, I confided in my 'rents as to my state of mind, and from there, they were kind enough to assist me in obtaining quality counsel, and it was through that relationship with that (now deceased) clinical psychologist that light began to be shed on my situation. He and I sorted through and unpacked an awful lot over 3 or 4 months. Plus, he provided numerous cautionary words that no one else with that same insight had ever shared with me. It was a wonderfully helpful experience!
For Rob, sinful behavior was nurtured by and within this state of mental confusion. I never used it as an excuse, but despite my ownership in what I was taking part in, I knew I was much more susceptible to temptation whilst being within a state of confusion.
Considering that truth from my past and subsequently applying it today, I've had men also advise me to stave off access to sin-laden opportunities. And I believe this is sound advice. Pragmatics certainly can play into protecting ourselves as Christians, but what's really wonderfully helpful at times is having someone more experienced come alongside you to assist in unpacking mental deliverables that inevitably keep showing up unannounced. Deliverables which seem to promulgate out of some unforeseen or unclear point of origin.
-------------------------
Eventually, I took action against the Post Office Box, I deciding to stave off the unnecessary waste as well as the huge distraction it was to Rob. I have to admit that I simply couldn't resist the pull to leaf through all this unsolicited junk mail day after day.
Therefore, I systematically began calling the retailers one by one. I did this at home with my daily stack of catalogs in hand, asking for this particular P.O. Box to be removed from their mailing list. It was a long, tedious process, but it was worth it, and after 2 or 3 months, I'd taken care of every one despite the fact that I had to call certain companies repeatedly.
My attitude here regarding this was one of novel steadfastness. In other words, I tried to see the opportunity in relegating this work to myself as more than just a drudgery. Instead, it was an attempt to be consistent relative to a condition that I'd found myself within via no surrogacy of my own.
I suppose you might liken this situation to renting an apartment that was haunted, or perhaps purchasing a used car that seemingly drives itself away unannounced after you'd parked it in front of your apartment rental. Annoying and very weird, but such is life sometimes.
I can personally attest that the mind is complex and sometimes needs "higher oversight", requiring its owner to reach out for help. Also, unpacking takes work and lots of dedicated time that's realistically impossible to do alone. Therefore, don't hesitate to reach out for help. Take action against a state of mind that's negatively intrusive in its ways. Hijacking is no doubt a real experience, but no doubt one that should be settled for.
Monday, July 8, 2019
"I Don't Regret Anything I Said."
Have you ever had someone say that to you, or to someone else regarding their words to you?
I've said and written so many things that I regret that they're too numerous to even begin to quantify. Scripture is clear when it comes to speech. Less is more.
What I find is when someone says this, they're sinking in a deep pile of doo doo that smells of regret, yet they'd rather tolerate the stink than admit to their wrongdoing. Eventually though, they're going to be up to their neck in shit. Once that occurs, they'd best reconsider their stubbornness. Otherwise, they're going to inevitably asphyxiate.
My wife is such the Olympian when it comes to asking forgiveness for misplaced words. If fact, she does it so reflexively that I'm almost annoyed by it. Why is this?
Because, I'm the opposite.
I'm the one who'd rather hold my ground, wait it out, and hope for the Earth to instead swallow me whole in order for me to NOT have to admit to my foolish words. I'll take a dramatic death over coming clean with my tongue any day.
What's really fun though is being cognizant enough of your own past dialogue screw ups (especially if it involves those same guilty parties) well enough to be humble regarding your wounds (enacted by them). Not to ignore the brevity of those recent hurts, but to put them in perspective.
Perspective is such a powerful tool relative to managing pain that's doled out by our fellow man. Use it to God's glory. "Those who wait upon the Lord..."
Also, be merciful by recalling the aroma of feces and how disgusting it is having had yourself all packed in by it, and remember too that vengeance is the Lord's. There's no guarantee you'll ever receive an apology, nor should you expect one as a representative of Christ. Will their words affect the relationship within the immediate future? Either way (apology or not), yes.
Wouldn't it be so awesome if we could undo our speech? Undo. Undo. Undo.
I've said and written so many things that I regret that they're too numerous to even begin to quantify. Scripture is clear when it comes to speech. Less is more.
What I find is when someone says this, they're sinking in a deep pile of doo doo that smells of regret, yet they'd rather tolerate the stink than admit to their wrongdoing. Eventually though, they're going to be up to their neck in shit. Once that occurs, they'd best reconsider their stubbornness. Otherwise, they're going to inevitably asphyxiate.
My wife is such the Olympian when it comes to asking forgiveness for misplaced words. If fact, she does it so reflexively that I'm almost annoyed by it. Why is this?
Because, I'm the opposite.
I'm the one who'd rather hold my ground, wait it out, and hope for the Earth to instead swallow me whole in order for me to NOT have to admit to my foolish words. I'll take a dramatic death over coming clean with my tongue any day.
What's really fun though is being cognizant enough of your own past dialogue screw ups (especially if it involves those same guilty parties) well enough to be humble regarding your wounds (enacted by them). Not to ignore the brevity of those recent hurts, but to put them in perspective.
Perspective is such a powerful tool relative to managing pain that's doled out by our fellow man. Use it to God's glory. "Those who wait upon the Lord..."
Also, be merciful by recalling the aroma of feces and how disgusting it is having had yourself all packed in by it, and remember too that vengeance is the Lord's. There's no guarantee you'll ever receive an apology, nor should you expect one as a representative of Christ. Will their words affect the relationship within the immediate future? Either way (apology or not), yes.
Wouldn't it be so awesome if we could undo our speech? Undo. Undo. Undo.
Sunday, July 7, 2019
Be Courageous In Your Pursuit of Friendship
No matter your age or "time of life", no matter your temperament or personality, pursue friendship with other men that you believe might benefit from your support and vice versa.
Solid, reliable friendships between men is worth the false starts, miscommunication, and disappointments.
Be vigilant in your pursuit, and do not hesitate to be upfront with your intent. It may feel too risky to use the word friendship as your end goal, but take my advice, and let the other man know where you're coming from at the getgo.
Lastly, it's worth it to ask how you might shore up your role as a friend on occasion, listening always for opportunities to better hone your skills on behalf of your buddy. Conversely, if a friendship implodes or false starts, don't fret. Instead, pray for patience and understanding as you stay centered on how Christ modeled friendship for his beloved disciples. Patience, patience, patience.
As a Samson Society man in particular, you might just become like me in that you're always on the lookout for opportunities to expand your platonic portfolio.
It could happen.
Solid, reliable friendships between men is worth the false starts, miscommunication, and disappointments.
Be vigilant in your pursuit, and do not hesitate to be upfront with your intent. It may feel too risky to use the word friendship as your end goal, but take my advice, and let the other man know where you're coming from at the getgo.
Lastly, it's worth it to ask how you might shore up your role as a friend on occasion, listening always for opportunities to better hone your skills on behalf of your buddy. Conversely, if a friendship implodes or false starts, don't fret. Instead, pray for patience and understanding as you stay centered on how Christ modeled friendship for his beloved disciples. Patience, patience, patience.
As a Samson Society man in particular, you might just become like me in that you're always on the lookout for opportunities to expand your platonic portfolio.
It could happen.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
Fornication: The Dating Ruse
My parents were involved in fornication. I know this because they in turn became pregnant with me. Subsequently, as a 17 and 18 year old, they chose to then marry back in January of 1972. Perhaps they would have never married had they not been involved in fornication. Nevertheless, that decision to have premarital sexual intercourse changed their lives forever and instigated mine.
What is fornication really, and why is it considered a sin by God?
I've heard so many men in particular justify fornication within their pasts, and I've heard a handful of women detail it as simply part of the learning curve relative to "aptitude in bed".
Fornication is blasphemy because it takes what's clearly detailed relations by God - husband / wife and misrepresents it. It's no different than two friends simply choosing to be sexual. That's abnormal behavior due to the two parties involved (friends), therefore it's out of line with God's will.
As a Christian, it's hard to not be disappointed in the fact that my father made the decisions he chose to all those years ago, and I realize that probably sounds contradictory from the standpoint of my very existence today. Considering all of the fallout that I've witnessed follow suit from that decision, allow me to continue...
Here's the truly pivotal rationale as to why it's so important to eschew sexual intimacy before marriage.
You're improving your chances of not ending up with a bad marriage, and believe me, no amount of memorable dating sex can outweigh the heartache that's mated to a difficult, if not impossibly unworkable marriage.
Keep in mind I said marriage here. Not friendship between roommates, or acquaintances who tolerate each other's presence. Marriage. Two becoming one flesh.
-------------------------
Sexual intercourse in particular is intoxicating. Particularly when it's virginal and mated to young love. Therefore, it quickly becomes the focal point of the dating relationship which is decidedly unfortunate.
If the two individuals are Christians, they're now dealing with private, yet shared guilt and shame, and oftentimes, they're working just as hard out of bed attempting to cover over their tracks as they are in bed to achieve multiple orgasms.
What's truly sad is when abortion occurs as a result of all of this foolishness.
But let's return to the intoxication portion of sexual intimacy.
Young adults who are sexually active whilst dating are benefiting from being at their sexual peak physiologically. Young men are making loads of healthy sperm and young ladies' eggs are ripe for fertilization, and their bodies know this (despite the fact that they aren't married). Hence, the sex is intense and overwhelmingly pleasurable to both.
Plus, their bodies themselves are young. Therefore sexual stamina is at its peak, positions are often limitless, and those feelings of invulnerability are at times ever present.
Of course, all of this inevitably clouds judgement because the fornication is just that - a celebration of rebellion against God versus marriage under God. And all of this sexual sin compounds as the dating relationship progresses 'till eventually (if the couple chooses to marry), they both find themselves having to deal with ramifications related to the erasure of the line of demarcation that actually signified the marriage itself. And those ramifications can be extensive. God is not mocked. Marriage is a representation of Christ and his bride, the church. This is seriously stupid behavior we're talking about here that not just one person has been involved in but two.
Many of you know that I have 3 daughters - ages 16, 14, and 9. I pray often for their future husbands. In particular, that they'll respect and honor the role that sexual intimacy should play only between a husband and wife. And this is primarily because I don't want them married to a Schmoe. Ordinary simply isn't acceptable in my book for my girls. Let those men be someone else's son-in-law.
What is fornication really, and why is it considered a sin by God?
I've heard so many men in particular justify fornication within their pasts, and I've heard a handful of women detail it as simply part of the learning curve relative to "aptitude in bed".
Fornication is blasphemy because it takes what's clearly detailed relations by God - husband / wife and misrepresents it. It's no different than two friends simply choosing to be sexual. That's abnormal behavior due to the two parties involved (friends), therefore it's out of line with God's will.
As a Christian, it's hard to not be disappointed in the fact that my father made the decisions he chose to all those years ago, and I realize that probably sounds contradictory from the standpoint of my very existence today. Considering all of the fallout that I've witnessed follow suit from that decision, allow me to continue...
Here's the truly pivotal rationale as to why it's so important to eschew sexual intimacy before marriage.
You're improving your chances of not ending up with a bad marriage, and believe me, no amount of memorable dating sex can outweigh the heartache that's mated to a difficult, if not impossibly unworkable marriage.
Keep in mind I said marriage here. Not friendship between roommates, or acquaintances who tolerate each other's presence. Marriage. Two becoming one flesh.
-------------------------
Sexual intercourse in particular is intoxicating. Particularly when it's virginal and mated to young love. Therefore, it quickly becomes the focal point of the dating relationship which is decidedly unfortunate.
If the two individuals are Christians, they're now dealing with private, yet shared guilt and shame, and oftentimes, they're working just as hard out of bed attempting to cover over their tracks as they are in bed to achieve multiple orgasms.
What's truly sad is when abortion occurs as a result of all of this foolishness.
But let's return to the intoxication portion of sexual intimacy.
Young adults who are sexually active whilst dating are benefiting from being at their sexual peak physiologically. Young men are making loads of healthy sperm and young ladies' eggs are ripe for fertilization, and their bodies know this (despite the fact that they aren't married). Hence, the sex is intense and overwhelmingly pleasurable to both.
Plus, their bodies themselves are young. Therefore sexual stamina is at its peak, positions are often limitless, and those feelings of invulnerability are at times ever present.
Of course, all of this inevitably clouds judgement because the fornication is just that - a celebration of rebellion against God versus marriage under God. And all of this sexual sin compounds as the dating relationship progresses 'till eventually (if the couple chooses to marry), they both find themselves having to deal with ramifications related to the erasure of the line of demarcation that actually signified the marriage itself. And those ramifications can be extensive. God is not mocked. Marriage is a representation of Christ and his bride, the church. This is seriously stupid behavior we're talking about here that not just one person has been involved in but two.
Many of you know that I have 3 daughters - ages 16, 14, and 9. I pray often for their future husbands. In particular, that they'll respect and honor the role that sexual intimacy should play only between a husband and wife. And this is primarily because I don't want them married to a Schmoe. Ordinary simply isn't acceptable in my book for my girls. Let those men be someone else's son-in-law.
Our Dollar General / Game of Thrones culture. Practically free and tastes really good.
Internet capable devices provide men with the ability to foster sexual fantasies that run in tandem with their day to day life. Many of these men have fetishes that they nurture through these Internet capable devices. And oftentimes, they do this whilst utilizing mainstream social media which provides an almost infinitesimal amount of photographic imagery for them to draw from.
This morning after the Lakeside Pres Samson Society after-meeting had concluded, I did something I'd never done before. That being shopped at our local Dollar General. This particular store has been there / here for many years now, but never have I felt compelled to shop there.
Dollar General has become a mainstream grocery / staples store for almost everybody in 2019. They're located literally on most every corner, from urban to rural areas, and for the most part, they're identical to one another. Their namesake though is their pricing strategy. Everything's in increments of the good ole American dollar bill.
When I would visit my grandparents as a boy during all those scorching hot summers back in the '80s, we'd at least one time shop at the downtown dollar stores. In the small Mississippi town that they lived adjacent to, there were two of these. One was a Fred's and the other was a Bill's.
Dollar stores, here in Mississippi at least, grew out of small town necessity. Small, uneducated, impoverished populations flocked to these due to the fact that there simply wasn't anything else locally available.
-------------------------
So what exactly is a Dollar General store?
Today, Dollar General represents the adult bookstore version of grocers.
Society would argue that they're commodities. They're built on the propaganda of being located where "no other retailer will locate", but the truth is there ubiquitous because they cater to those who purchase and consume actual garbage due to the fact that it's practically free and tastes really good.
These consumers don't care about anything but those descriptors. Practically free and tastes really good.
Practically free and tastes really good.
Practically free and tastes really good.
And Dollar General stores are packed to the ceiling with this garbage. Their moniker should be dimly lit, smelly (chemical odors), and crammed from floor to ceiling with practically free and tastes really good.
Of course, there is the back wall of actual name-brand commodity products like dish soap and carpet shampoo, but they're not priced any less than what you'd pay at Wal-Mart or Target. And again, that's not why consumers shop at Dollar General, though they may use it as an excuse to frequent the store.
--------------------------
Many, many men use the Internet as an extension of what they run across day to day to fuel their sexual fantasies. Men are men due to testosterone. It's a hormone that is responsible for certain distinct, manly physical attributes, but it also has a lot to do with their sex drive. Considering those facts, our culture caters to it as a result of corporations of almost every ilk being gluttons to a seemingly conscientiously blind approach towards driving revenue.
Let's say a man is at the pool as I was today with one of my daughters, and during his time there, he takes note of a woman who's also swimming with her children. And this woman is sexually attractive to the man due to the fact that she has certain body parts that are very well accentuated via her very wet bathing suit. So, he takes note of her specific beauty, stealing glances her way throughout his time there, and at some point in the future, he jumps online to carry forward his jollies by attempting to fantastically harvest similarly large breasted, very wet swimsuited local women via social media. Think about the rows and rows of all manner of flavored soda pop / fried potato chips to choose from at the Dollar General which are practically free and tastes really good, and you'll understand what I'm describing here.
Social media (also like Dollar General) is also seasonal! Did you know that a sizable percentage of Dollar General's profit margin are from seasonal garbage? In fact, even though it's July, they're beginning to stock their many regional warehouses (one of which is in the Mississippi Delta) with these wares even as I type this! Therefore, it too all syncs up with our desires / expectations in real time.
And speaking of real time, the season of summer brings with it scantily clad, bikini wearing broads who post photos of themselves and their breasts and their friends' breasts all over social media. Literally like clockwork - 24/7. And from there, these men eventually ejaculate in real summertime to their posts. Over and over again.
It's practically free and tastes really good, and it's happening even as you read this!
-------------------------
Now, let's look to Game of Thrones. And keep in mind that I've never watched an episode of this smut. In fact, I don't watch TV period because it's just a huge waste of time.
Game of Thrones falls on the opposite end of the spectrum as Dollar General does. It's appeal is so brilliantly camouflaged that its creators are essentially modern day snake oil salesmen. There are some smart (and very wealthy) puppeteers behind the scenes here.
Game of Thrones is superbly lit, expertly acted, and thoughtfully written to appeal to the most hard to please, moody, and bored to tears television audience. And it also happens to be practically free and tastes really good just like our favorite local retailer, Dollar General.
But it's the former that gives it its present day street cred, and it's that credibility that's used to disguise it's true appeal.
Remember the film, 300? I believe it was written and directed by a similarly adept snake oil salesman. 300 was a forerunner of Game of Thrones. Beautiful imagery. Incredible visuals. Superbly lit. Practically free and tastes really good.
So, what's the true appeal?
You may not realize this, but there exists in certain cities sex clubs. These aren't strip clubs which allow just about anyone in off of the street who has a pulse combined with a sex drive. They're sex clubs. Essentially, if you're a member, it's an opportunity to have sex with beautiful strangers in front of other beautiful strangers. Of course, to be a member of one of these, the first qualification is physical beauty and the second is money. Pay to lay.
This may seem surreal to imagine, but these do exist in cities all over the world. You might call it controlled hotness at your local, corner orgy quick stop. Perhaps one's Church of Semen?
All of this naughtiness appeals to the opposite consumer from Dollar General, but they're still looking for the same: Practically free (relative to them) and tastes really good.
This is Game of Thrones. More opportunity for men to entertain their sexual fantasy lives as they engage with the culture just as everyone else chooses too. Think of it as contrived and fictitious as social media but ultra pure in opportune lustful pleasure. Garbage in 12x concentrated form. Efficient and effective whilst being intellectually stimulating!
God help us see that practically free and tastes really good are to be avoided due to the fact that they only satisfy us moment by moment, therefore we cannot help but become chained to them as a dog is chained to a stake. And from there, our minds are dulled as our appetites rage. And we continue to dream of fantastical sex outside of God's will, eating our vomit again and again. And this is not at all unlike all those pitiful fools who indulge regularly in so much orange flavored soda, jalapeno flavored potato chips, and heart palpitating energy drinks from their local Dollar General, or the imbecile who embraces award-winning debauchery like Game of Thrones.
This morning after the Lakeside Pres Samson Society after-meeting had concluded, I did something I'd never done before. That being shopped at our local Dollar General. This particular store has been there / here for many years now, but never have I felt compelled to shop there.
Dollar General has become a mainstream grocery / staples store for almost everybody in 2019. They're located literally on most every corner, from urban to rural areas, and for the most part, they're identical to one another. Their namesake though is their pricing strategy. Everything's in increments of the good ole American dollar bill.
When I would visit my grandparents as a boy during all those scorching hot summers back in the '80s, we'd at least one time shop at the downtown dollar stores. In the small Mississippi town that they lived adjacent to, there were two of these. One was a Fred's and the other was a Bill's.
Dollar stores, here in Mississippi at least, grew out of small town necessity. Small, uneducated, impoverished populations flocked to these due to the fact that there simply wasn't anything else locally available.
-------------------------
So what exactly is a Dollar General store?
Today, Dollar General represents the adult bookstore version of grocers.
Society would argue that they're commodities. They're built on the propaganda of being located where "no other retailer will locate", but the truth is there ubiquitous because they cater to those who purchase and consume actual garbage due to the fact that it's practically free and tastes really good.
These consumers don't care about anything but those descriptors. Practically free and tastes really good.
Practically free and tastes really good.
Practically free and tastes really good.
And Dollar General stores are packed to the ceiling with this garbage. Their moniker should be dimly lit, smelly (chemical odors), and crammed from floor to ceiling with practically free and tastes really good.
Of course, there is the back wall of actual name-brand commodity products like dish soap and carpet shampoo, but they're not priced any less than what you'd pay at Wal-Mart or Target. And again, that's not why consumers shop at Dollar General, though they may use it as an excuse to frequent the store.
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Many, many men use the Internet as an extension of what they run across day to day to fuel their sexual fantasies. Men are men due to testosterone. It's a hormone that is responsible for certain distinct, manly physical attributes, but it also has a lot to do with their sex drive. Considering those facts, our culture caters to it as a result of corporations of almost every ilk being gluttons to a seemingly conscientiously blind approach towards driving revenue.
Let's say a man is at the pool as I was today with one of my daughters, and during his time there, he takes note of a woman who's also swimming with her children. And this woman is sexually attractive to the man due to the fact that she has certain body parts that are very well accentuated via her very wet bathing suit. So, he takes note of her specific beauty, stealing glances her way throughout his time there, and at some point in the future, he jumps online to carry forward his jollies by attempting to fantastically harvest similarly large breasted, very wet swimsuited local women via social media. Think about the rows and rows of all manner of flavored soda pop / fried potato chips to choose from at the Dollar General which are practically free and tastes really good, and you'll understand what I'm describing here.
Social media (also like Dollar General) is also seasonal! Did you know that a sizable percentage of Dollar General's profit margin are from seasonal garbage? In fact, even though it's July, they're beginning to stock their many regional warehouses (one of which is in the Mississippi Delta) with these wares even as I type this! Therefore, it too all syncs up with our desires / expectations in real time.
And speaking of real time, the season of summer brings with it scantily clad, bikini wearing broads who post photos of themselves and their breasts and their friends' breasts all over social media. Literally like clockwork - 24/7. And from there, these men eventually ejaculate in real summertime to their posts. Over and over again.
It's practically free and tastes really good, and it's happening even as you read this!
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Now, let's look to Game of Thrones. And keep in mind that I've never watched an episode of this smut. In fact, I don't watch TV period because it's just a huge waste of time.
Game of Thrones falls on the opposite end of the spectrum as Dollar General does. It's appeal is so brilliantly camouflaged that its creators are essentially modern day snake oil salesmen. There are some smart (and very wealthy) puppeteers behind the scenes here.
Game of Thrones is superbly lit, expertly acted, and thoughtfully written to appeal to the most hard to please, moody, and bored to tears television audience. And it also happens to be practically free and tastes really good just like our favorite local retailer, Dollar General.
But it's the former that gives it its present day street cred, and it's that credibility that's used to disguise it's true appeal.
Remember the film, 300? I believe it was written and directed by a similarly adept snake oil salesman. 300 was a forerunner of Game of Thrones. Beautiful imagery. Incredible visuals. Superbly lit. Practically free and tastes really good.
So, what's the true appeal?
You may not realize this, but there exists in certain cities sex clubs. These aren't strip clubs which allow just about anyone in off of the street who has a pulse combined with a sex drive. They're sex clubs. Essentially, if you're a member, it's an opportunity to have sex with beautiful strangers in front of other beautiful strangers. Of course, to be a member of one of these, the first qualification is physical beauty and the second is money. Pay to lay.
This may seem surreal to imagine, but these do exist in cities all over the world. You might call it controlled hotness at your local, corner orgy quick stop. Perhaps one's Church of Semen?
All of this naughtiness appeals to the opposite consumer from Dollar General, but they're still looking for the same: Practically free (relative to them) and tastes really good.
This is Game of Thrones. More opportunity for men to entertain their sexual fantasy lives as they engage with the culture just as everyone else chooses too. Think of it as contrived and fictitious as social media but ultra pure in opportune lustful pleasure. Garbage in 12x concentrated form. Efficient and effective whilst being intellectually stimulating!
God help us see that practically free and tastes really good are to be avoided due to the fact that they only satisfy us moment by moment, therefore we cannot help but become chained to them as a dog is chained to a stake. And from there, our minds are dulled as our appetites rage. And we continue to dream of fantastical sex outside of God's will, eating our vomit again and again. And this is not at all unlike all those pitiful fools who indulge regularly in so much orange flavored soda, jalapeno flavored potato chips, and heart palpitating energy drinks from their local Dollar General, or the imbecile who embraces award-winning debauchery like Game of Thrones.
Friday, July 5, 2019
Friday, August 2nd - Metro Jackson Samson Society Dinner
What: Metro Jackson Samson Society Dinner
When: Friday, August 2nd, 2019 at 6:30 PM
Where: Grace Crossing Baptist Church - Gluckstadt, MS
Who's catering?: Primos restaurant
Who's invited?: Every Samson man and his spouse / significant other
Why participate?: This is the 3rd such event we've organized. The two dinners we had in 2018 were well attended and fun. The food and fellowship further solidified friendships and promoted new. This dinner is especially significant due to the fact that it's being hosted by Grace Crossing Baptist Church in Gluckstadt.
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Tickets are are $20 per adult and can be purchased from any Samson Society meeting facilitator by Saturday, July 27th, 2019.
When: Friday, August 2nd, 2019 at 6:30 PM
Where: Grace Crossing Baptist Church - Gluckstadt, MS
Who's catering?: Primos restaurant
Who's invited?: Every Samson man and his spouse / significant other
Why participate?: This is the 3rd such event we've organized. The two dinners we had in 2018 were well attended and fun. The food and fellowship further solidified friendships and promoted new. This dinner is especially significant due to the fact that it's being hosted by Grace Crossing Baptist Church in Gluckstadt.
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Tickets are are $20 per adult and can be purchased from any Samson Society meeting facilitator by Saturday, July 27th, 2019.
Thursday, July 4, 2019
Interdependence Day
I feel as if holidays are for children, and since I'm no longer a child...
But, I have a wife and three daughters, all of which are still children, therefore we celebrate holidays within the same boring vein as most middle to upper class white southerners.
Today, unlike any other holiday in the past, I felt as if I belonged whilst celebrating Independence Day with my family at my 'rents' home. In the past, time with them at their abode has always instilled in me a sense of being out of place as their only son. Now, keep in mind that I'm an architect, therefore I'm more attuned to buildings / design than most, therefore I realize that has something to do with it.
Know too that my 'rents behave with superb hospitality. Holidays with them are always festive and beautifully rendered with all the traditional trimmings.
Growing up with Bob and Darlene, I soon began to feel out of place whilst in my late teens. I can remember coming home from college during the summer months and being keenly aware of it. Because they built their dream home during this period of my life (which they still reside in), that had to have enhanced these feelings of being an outsider.
Soon after I acquired my first job as an architect intern, I moved out into my own apartment. My mother in particular didn't agree with this move, but oh, how I loved my new digs due to the fact that I no longer felt alone within the family home.
So, what's changed?
All I can come up with is the interview I gave last weekend at FBC Petal. Perhaps somehow that experience dislodged / clean sweeped away any remaining shame that remained relative to my own story as it relates to being the son that I am of my parents.
I feel damn near empowered. What an awesome holiday this has been!
But, I have a wife and three daughters, all of which are still children, therefore we celebrate holidays within the same boring vein as most middle to upper class white southerners.
Today, unlike any other holiday in the past, I felt as if I belonged whilst celebrating Independence Day with my family at my 'rents' home. In the past, time with them at their abode has always instilled in me a sense of being out of place as their only son. Now, keep in mind that I'm an architect, therefore I'm more attuned to buildings / design than most, therefore I realize that has something to do with it.
Know too that my 'rents behave with superb hospitality. Holidays with them are always festive and beautifully rendered with all the traditional trimmings.
Growing up with Bob and Darlene, I soon began to feel out of place whilst in my late teens. I can remember coming home from college during the summer months and being keenly aware of it. Because they built their dream home during this period of my life (which they still reside in), that had to have enhanced these feelings of being an outsider.
Soon after I acquired my first job as an architect intern, I moved out into my own apartment. My mother in particular didn't agree with this move, but oh, how I loved my new digs due to the fact that I no longer felt alone within the family home.
So, what's changed?
All I can come up with is the interview I gave last weekend at FBC Petal. Perhaps somehow that experience dislodged / clean sweeped away any remaining shame that remained relative to my own story as it relates to being the son that I am of my parents.
I feel damn near empowered. What an awesome holiday this has been!
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Monday, July 1, 2019
Vicariously peering through Bill's rearview mirror
My now old friend Bill was too scary for Rob during my freshman, sophomore, and most of my junior year in college, therefore I considered him only as an acquaintance, never once imagining him as a candidate for friendship. And considering that, had he not been an architecture school classmate, I would have left him in the dust. He was just way too inside himself, angry, and negative relative to the vibes he off gassed.
In high school, I'd attempted to be intentional about reaching out to classmates who were obviously in need of a friend, and more often than not, I found that other than being a temporary ally, I could do no more. I have to admit that as a believer, it was frustrating because I expected God to intervene on my timetable. In other words, I wanted to be privy to their situation improving, but more often than not, I was the one left in the dust, only to be frustrated and feeling slightly used.
I haven't had the privilege of running across too many "Bills" since my college days, but my experience between '90 and '95 with my (now) old friend gives me credence to not only look back in remembrance but to also contrast today's friendship (we have lunch regularly) with yesterday's long ago fear. Fear that I'll hopefully never forget, and for good reason.
Allow me to be more specific...
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Back in 1990, Bill and I were freshmen at Mississippi State and, upon me first seeing him, it was obvious that he was unusually insecure, especially considering our shared, very demanding major. Eventually, I also came to know of his obsession. That being affirmation from females. There was nothing he desired more than to be affirmed by women he was attracted to, therefore he considered friendship with other guys to be of little value. Therefore he was by choice, a loner who was continually angry (primarily at himself but also his view of the world around him).
His personality was as follows. He didn't have too much to say, and was an obvious introvert (long before I knew what that word meant). And he was ashamed of his body. In particular, the fact that he was lanky, lean - certainly not athletically built. We'll just say awkwardly proportioned.
Eventually, I also unearthed the fact that he'd come from a rough public high school experience where he'd been the target of much ridicule over the previous years, growing up in small town south Mississippi.
And finally, he drove this piece of shit Izuzu pickup. Manual transmission. Glass packs. Hideous custom paint job (with chrome decals). What was he negatively thinking, (this question ran through my mind regularly) and how does anyone spend that amount of time doing just that?
After actually befriending Bill (during the second half of our college career), we took this piece of shit all over Starkville in search of cheap food (Bill loves pizza). Keep in mind that at that point, he was a very differently tempered young man altogether than what I've described here despite the fact that he did not lose any of his core quirkiness, much of which had been covered over before.
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Fast forward to today.
Bill is now 46 (as am I), and he's seen a handful of psychiatrists / therapists through the years, taken some anti-depressants and anxiety meds and he's not at all ashamed of this. He (like myself) is married with children, works full-time and is a deacon at a local Baptist church. And keep in mind that I've also seen a handful of therapists myself! (Water seeks its own level.) I love this man like a brother.
This is what he shared with me at lunch last week regarding his former acquaintance (to Rob and most everyone else) self:
"I had to reach a point where I was fed up with feeling that way about myself and about my life, and I did this when I hit rock bottom. Therefore once that occurred, I changed everything I could in order to improve my negative thinking about myself, my situation, and all the bad circumstances from my past."
-------------------------
Why is this important?
Because it gives me access to a turning point in someone's history whom I know and love today but didn't even attempt to know back then, and this gives me hope and understanding for other men whom I know and love today who are still on the far / other side of that line.
Despite the fact that I'm no longer scared to relate (as best I can) to present day men who are seemingly as insecure as Bill once was, I need as much hope and understanding as I can attain, taken from Bill's story or otherwise. Again, and I cannot emphasize this enough, Bill was troubled by his situation, overall insecure in his manhood and in bondage to all types* of female affirmation. All of this I could not relate to on any level which only added to my fear and (presently - considering more recent friendships) worry, worry, worry.
*including pornography
I am indebted to my old friend Bill for showing me where I likely need to reside emotionally (relative to one particular present day friendship) through this portion of your pre-Rob story. What a gift.
God is faithful in using all kinds of unlikely means to enlighten us within the present relative to those he's placed within our circle of influence. Thanks be to God!
In high school, I'd attempted to be intentional about reaching out to classmates who were obviously in need of a friend, and more often than not, I found that other than being a temporary ally, I could do no more. I have to admit that as a believer, it was frustrating because I expected God to intervene on my timetable. In other words, I wanted to be privy to their situation improving, but more often than not, I was the one left in the dust, only to be frustrated and feeling slightly used.
I haven't had the privilege of running across too many "Bills" since my college days, but my experience between '90 and '95 with my (now) old friend gives me credence to not only look back in remembrance but to also contrast today's friendship (we have lunch regularly) with yesterday's long ago fear. Fear that I'll hopefully never forget, and for good reason.
Allow me to be more specific...
-------------------------
Back in 1990, Bill and I were freshmen at Mississippi State and, upon me first seeing him, it was obvious that he was unusually insecure, especially considering our shared, very demanding major. Eventually, I also came to know of his obsession. That being affirmation from females. There was nothing he desired more than to be affirmed by women he was attracted to, therefore he considered friendship with other guys to be of little value. Therefore he was by choice, a loner who was continually angry (primarily at himself but also his view of the world around him).
His personality was as follows. He didn't have too much to say, and was an obvious introvert (long before I knew what that word meant). And he was ashamed of his body. In particular, the fact that he was lanky, lean - certainly not athletically built. We'll just say awkwardly proportioned.
Eventually, I also unearthed the fact that he'd come from a rough public high school experience where he'd been the target of much ridicule over the previous years, growing up in small town south Mississippi.
And finally, he drove this piece of shit Izuzu pickup. Manual transmission. Glass packs. Hideous custom paint job (with chrome decals). What was he negatively thinking, (this question ran through my mind regularly) and how does anyone spend that amount of time doing just that?
After actually befriending Bill (during the second half of our college career), we took this piece of shit all over Starkville in search of cheap food (Bill loves pizza). Keep in mind that at that point, he was a very differently tempered young man altogether than what I've described here despite the fact that he did not lose any of his core quirkiness, much of which had been covered over before.
-------------------------
Fast forward to today.
Bill is now 46 (as am I), and he's seen a handful of psychiatrists / therapists through the years, taken some anti-depressants and anxiety meds and he's not at all ashamed of this. He (like myself) is married with children, works full-time and is a deacon at a local Baptist church. And keep in mind that I've also seen a handful of therapists myself! (Water seeks its own level.) I love this man like a brother.
This is what he shared with me at lunch last week regarding his former acquaintance (to Rob and most everyone else) self:
"I had to reach a point where I was fed up with feeling that way about myself and about my life, and I did this when I hit rock bottom. Therefore once that occurred, I changed everything I could in order to improve my negative thinking about myself, my situation, and all the bad circumstances from my past."
-------------------------
Why is this important?
Because it gives me access to a turning point in someone's history whom I know and love today but didn't even attempt to know back then, and this gives me hope and understanding for other men whom I know and love today who are still on the far / other side of that line.
Despite the fact that I'm no longer scared to relate (as best I can) to present day men who are seemingly as insecure as Bill once was, I need as much hope and understanding as I can attain, taken from Bill's story or otherwise. Again, and I cannot emphasize this enough, Bill was troubled by his situation, overall insecure in his manhood and in bondage to all types* of female affirmation. All of this I could not relate to on any level which only added to my fear and (presently - considering more recent friendships) worry, worry, worry.
*including pornography
I am indebted to my old friend Bill for showing me where I likely need to reside emotionally (relative to one particular present day friendship) through this portion of your pre-Rob story. What a gift.
God is faithful in using all kinds of unlikely means to enlighten us within the present relative to those he's placed within our circle of influence. Thanks be to God!
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