I've been thinking more and more on my best friend in high school. Considering that, I'm sad to report he's no longer a friend. That being said, how grateful I am to have had him in my life for such a time as that.
When I was about to start my 9th grade year in high school, this soon to be friend of mine was similarly about to start his 10th, and it was during this time in our lives that I platonically pursued both he and his best friend (who happened to be female) with equal effort. Rob needed friends, and I had admired these two from afar, having the opportunity to observe their rapport whilst together in the marching band.
What soon followed (after I'd been allowed into their circle) was David beginning to pull away from his friendgirl and gravitating more and more towards Rob. And none of this did I expect, nor did I comprehend exactly how I was situationally affecting his life. All I'd desired was friendship from each of them, but in making my move, I gained so much more than that by unknowingly meeting an unmet need of his that I had no way of originally seeing because...
David was exceedingly bright. His grades were tops, yet he simply stayed inside of himself completely, never attempting to excel beyond what required deep thought. And I believe that was what was so intriguing to me. He had no insecurity in being focused on schoolwork or tennis or marching band or pop culture alone. Everything else (and there was much more going on - as there always is) was ignored or perhaps compartmentalized. This kind of intense focus made for an almost impenetrable aura of coolness.
And I believe this modus operandi seemed masculine to David because it off gassed the perception of a confidence that was seemingly unprecedented for a teenage boy, much less a young man.
For example, I remember vividly hearing of David giving his valedictorian speech using leadership examples that were exceedingly effeminate for a Mississippi teen. Yet, no one questioned this due to the fact that it came from him. It was simply David being David.
And I loved this confidence. It's what I admired most about him on a subconscious level, being much too young to understand what was truly going on between us.
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On the opposing end of this friendship persona spectrum is deep seated insecurity. Insecurity which in some men breeds cynicism. And this by some can be defined as criticism with no hope.
It wasn't 'till I was in the professional world that I witnessed this. Envy breeds from this particular internal outlook as well as paranoia. Two attributes that tend to isolate men, which can cause them to ultimately cannibalize their own selves prior to self-destructing.
These men also have needs, but whilst acknowledging that for yourself, it feels like such a risk to invest there knowing that likely they'll be nothing gained in return.
But, what does God expect of us as Christians? Of course, invest. Take the risk, not expecting anything in return, and encourage this man to listen to this Pirate Monk podcast.
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So, where is David today?
He's far from Mississippi, living a life that breaks my heart.
I'm certain he's very similar to who I remember him to be all those years ago, and I doubt I'll ever meet anyone with his level of confidence again, therefore I'm fortunate to have had the time I once did.
God is good. His blessing detailed here on teenage me. So much of who I am grew out of the fertile soil that my long ago friendship with David provided.
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