Feeling Masculine - Part 2 - Catalyst Theories

I believe it's the sense of control-lessness or lack of control that's seeded within a boy's life which fuels the mis / ill proportioned craving for masculine confirmation well into adulthood.

Most men define themselves completely by providing (a sense of) security to their "tribe", this notion of stability and confidence, and that confidence (or lack thereof) to provide security is confirmed / maturated within young adulthood.  If these men (part of the aforementioned most) happen to be Type A control freaks, this identifier to provide security is especially important to their identity as males due to their specific and highly idealized temperament.

So let's consider these men's pasts.

If you put unfortunate, unhealthy, impossibly difficult circumstances within a young man's path that serve to traumatically counter that budding definition of confidence within himself - again, to provide security relative to his "tribe" - then you have emotional issues related to this identification need that can follow him into adulthood.

At least this is my theory.

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And honestly, I'm not so sure this issue can easily be resolved into adulthood when you're dealing with Type A men.  These guys also tend to be highly dutiful (to everyone but themselves), therefore their desire to actually do their own necessary recovery work is often pitifully minute.  Or, on the other hand, some of these Type A men too can be extraordinarily lazy and lackadaisical, only choosing to act (get off their ass) when it's a situational react.  If that makes any sense...

Or, these Type A men can be some combination of the two - both dutiful and lazy all at the same time - just proportioned out categorically depending on their own hierarchical system ("I care deeply about this... / I care nothing for that...")

Therefore, all of the garbage (facsimiles of sexual chemistry and the resultant masculine "hits") I listed on my previous blog entry:  strip clubs, telephone sex, prostitutes, Internet porn, dating sites, chat rooms, and on and on, I find...these "fixes" for these emotional issues can come "into play" due to how convenient, secretive, and of course, pleasurably naughty they all are.

And each of these facsimiles absolutely do provide masculine hits that are off the charts whilst being extraordinarily efficient.  Which is what they're designed to do again and again thanks to our free enterprise system (most of these services must be purchased).

In closing, Type A men as I've described here, like all men, have a story.  It's just that the important parts for them are the really, really difficult memories as well as their subsequent choices that involved a tremendous amount of sin.  It's these difficult memories as well as the sinful choices that need to be investigated and clearly, thoroughly, explicitly unpacked.  Otherwise, there's no understanding of the why he's broken as he is nor why exactly he's taken the stupid (stupid is a verb) path he's taken to manage his brokenness.

Man, that's a mouthful.  Please know that I'm trying my best to be clear here.

Feeling Masculine - Part 1 - Harnessing One's Hotness

Describe to many men what they desire more than anything else, from a fleshly standpoint, and the end result of those desires will very often be a masculine "hit" / spike / thrill ride, though they may not be able to articulate this.  Whether they're to be found sexually attractive by another human being, execute a precision gameplay, or find themselves rolling their bank account into the seven-figure realm, any and all of these will suffice to bring on those heady, exceedingly masculine feelings for many men.

A quick disclaimer:  Not every man experiences this.  That's why I said most.  I certainly don't.  For Rob, my masculine "hit" comes through taking risks.  Whether it's within my friendships or family (particularly my children), tied to what I may or may not say (& how I might say it), or what I may choose to or not to take part in (often culturally), these small risks add up to bolster my sense of masculinity.

Many men derail portions of their entire lives due to the never ending pursuit of these confidence building situational masculine feelings.  Feelings that they learned early on as boys which very well do assist them in understanding themselves.  And that's the entire point of these feelings.  They're God-given helpers in reminding a male that he's male.  And this is a good thing until it's not.

So why exactly do certain men gravitate towards this?  (Fast forward to my theory which I've attempted to flesh out within Part 2).

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The world of men is typically average to below average relative to physical attraction.  Most men, once married in particular, pay little if any attention to their physical selves.  But, there are a handful whom have the DNA firstly, and the resolve secondly, to take full advantage of said DNA.  And of course, people take note of this, and it's been proven that these guys are far more likely to earn more money throughout their lives whilst encountering fewer obstacles along the way.  You might call it the George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Zac Efron effect, and it's as American as apple pie.

Our sexualized photographic culture elevates sexually attractive men, furthering the ridiculousness that strong masculine sex appeal makes for a solid (faithful), enduring (provider / security), endearing (compassionate / loving) man - boyfriend, husband.

So what if you're that guy?  What if you're capable of turning heads or attracting a lot of sexual attention as you go about your everyday life?  And what if you pay heed to it or take note of it once you sense someone has "taken the bait" based on how you've dressed / carried yourself at that particular moment in time?

If you're looking to exploit that masculine "hit", you're typically going to flirt in order to eek out as much of it as you can.  And this is where situations tend to lead towards lives getting derailed, trust coming unraveled, lies being told, and stupid (stupid is a verb!) happening in droves.

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For you husbands out there, hopefully you remember experiencing this aforementioned masculine kick when you were dating your wife.  Oftentimes, it unfortunately leads to fornication because intercourse is the natural masculine progression of this attraction / flirting experience.  But, in certain cases, just because you're a married man doesn't mean you suddenly lose your sex appeal.  In fact, there are some individuals who consider others THAT MUCH MORE SEXY if they're married with children.

Guys who crave this masculine kick from arousing both women and men they encounter / relate to can at times find their looks also serving as a two-edged sword.  Their wives, in particular, can trophy these men's debonair, and in the end harness their hotness (which seemingly comes naturally) against them.  I believe women who choose to marry an Adonis are often blinded into thinking they're especially worthy of such manly finery, and this can in turn cause that much more consternation and outrage when his unfaithfulness is brought into the light.

This is very bad situation for all parties involved, that frankly, I have no idea how to remedy except supernaturally.

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Now, let's talk next about the facsimile of all this sexual chemistry (& subsequent masculine "hits"):  Strip clubs, telephone sex, prostitutes, Internet porn, dating sites, chat rooms, and on and on.

This is where things really get ugly relative to finding success in obtaining those masculine highs.

To be continued...

That Arab Guy's Name Is Harry

And he's a genuinely intimidating guy who's originally from India, but has been living here for 6 years.  He understood my su-thern accent expertly, but I did have to ask him to repeat himself on a few occasions.  It isn't very often that I dialogue with someone from South Asia.

It was humorous when he told me his name.  There was this hesitation.  Obviously, it's difficult to pronounce, therefore he's adopted a pseudonym.

We chatted tonight for about 3 to 4 minutes on the gym floor.  He was walking in my general direction when I made a point to extend a hand of friendship in lieu of just staring off into the distance (which I'm sad to admit is my typical modus operandi).  I always stretch for a number of minutes before I workout, therefore he commented on that.  It was apparent he appreciated my singling him out.  What chutzpah this guy must have to live here of all places and to faithfully work out at the Y amongst all of us Mississippi rednecks.

I found out what he does for a living and vice versa, and he asked where I lived, how often I worked out at the Y, etc.  And then the conversation was over.  But, I'm pretty sure he would have talked longer had I continued querying him.  And this gives me hope that we can pick up where we left off in the future.

In looking back, I wished I'd asked him about his faith despite the awkwardness of that presupposed question.  Perhaps I'll be brave enough to ask Harry that question next time around.  And from there, maybe we can get together away from the gym and have coffee.  That would be awesome!

I still do feel some anxiety about him now knowing where I live, and I'm ashamed to admit that.

Help me Lord to not be a bigot.

Datum / "Turning On" Gravity

As we go about our day to day lives, there's no doubt that the most physical point of reference is the effect of gravity on everything around us.  So much so that we cannot even begin to imagine life without it.  Gravity serves us as well as a datum, but it's one that we would never recognize as such.  And it's consistent in that way, thanks be to God, never compromising itself as if it were controlled by some cosmic rheostat.  Everything around us and within us physically works as it does thanks to gravity.

Have you any idea how humbling it is to realize you're acting as an emotional / spiritual datum relative to your loved ones?  And I'm not only referring to family / extended family, but to close friends as well.  Recently, I've been made aware of this, and I must say as a middle-aged man who's no deacon and certainly not a pillar within the community at large, it's quite humbling to consider.

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My dad grew up in Belzoni, MS back in the 1950s.  For him, it was an idyllic childhood despite being reared by an alcoholic, physically abusive father who died young to lung cancer.  If you ask him to recount memories from all those years ago, they'll undoubtedly contain landmarks as points of reference.  Landmarks such as The Pig Stand restaurant, the city baseball (Little League) field, Turner Drug Store, The Dairy Bar restaurant, etc.  And due to the small scale of Belzoni, these places were hugely important whilst navigating his and his three brothers' day to day life.  Each landmark brings with it cherished memories of old despite the fact that most of them have long since been repurposed or removed entirely from the vernacular of what is still "The Heart of the Delta".

My childhood in Madison during the 1980s was completely different from my father's.  I experienced a typical suburban upbringing which brought with it zero landmarks.  Instead, we simply found ourselves on the far outskirts of the city, living where seemingly few other people chose to, and henceforth having to drive into Jackson to experience work, church, restaurants, etc. Other than a rural airport, there simply wasn't anything to Madison at that time.

My interpersonal familial upbringing though wasn't completely landmark-less despite the fact that Bob & Darlene were always more like much older siblings to me than parents.  Siblings who, like myself, were trying to figure out this whole growing up thing (remember my 'rents had me as teens).  For me (and in many ways my dad as well), it was my mom's dad, Bud Hampton, who served me well as a familial datum.  Though I didn't see him often (my mom's parents also lived outside of the aforementioned city of Belzoni), he was completely respected by all of us due to his loving nature, personal disciplines, and positive outlook as a man.  Not to mention his faith, which was substantial and of course, harkened back to everything listed within the previous sentence.

When I think back on my childhood as it relates to my dad, I do know that he was fortunate to find a bossman datum early on in his career, and that relationship lasted for many, many years.  This man was very effective at providing much needed stability for him, even during the toughest of my family's personal trials.

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Today, I can see myself clearly as the datum that I am.  Especially amongst my parents and friends, though not quite as much within our household, but I'm hoping my vision there will eventually improve.

I believe this realization is tied to my entire self "coming online" - so to speak - thanks to the recent Samson Society retreat.

As I examine this truth relative to who I am, surprisingly I don't feel pressured by it.  Instead, I feel extremely humbled and blessed for such a time as this.

In closing, why is this important to me?

Because the root of Satan's accusations against me throughout my life have always been related to masculine worthlessness.  It's this notion that as a masculine being, I have no value, but at the same time, I don't experience conversely an overt sense of femininity.  Essentially, I describe it as a void that I have to cope with most days.

From a Biblical standpoint, masculinity is often rooted in risk taking fueled by faithfulness, if you take a wide swath of Biblical characters into account (& I'm not only referring to men).  And often those characters inspired their fellow men in turn to take stock in how God had / no doubt would work in and through their situation(s).

It's this realization that you're more than just another minion / cog in the machine that resonates with me.  And I suppose, I could pressure myself in and through this to perform, perform, perform, but I refuse.  Nor do I consider this blog post as some form of boasting due to the fact that I'm simply calling it like I see it, and am therefore immensely humbled to my core (as I've said prior).

It's no doubt freeing to simply acknowledge who God's called me to be in the lives of so many at this point in time.  Were it not for Samson Society, this realization thereof simply wouldn't be.  Thanks be to God for Samson Society!

Material Wealth & The Subsequent Security and Blind Loyalty Many Wives Embrace

When I was in between my freshman and sophomore years at Mississippi State, I sold Chrysler / Plymouth / Alfa Romeos at Howard Wilson Chrysler / Plymouth in Jackson, MS.  That was the summer of '91.  I was 19 years old, weighed probably 120 lbs and knew stats / the ins & outs of the automobile industry like most teenage boys nowadays know pornstars via Tube sites.

I was a commiserate automobile aficionado way before I knew what the word aficionado meant.  Toronado (Oldsmobile) yes, aficionado, not so much.

I remember distinctly approaching a man who drove onto the lot in his Bayerische Motoren Werke AG automobile.  Back in 1991, there weren't nearly as many BMWs on the road here in Jackson, MS due to the fact that at the time, BMW only imported a fraction of cars to the USA for retail sell.

Mr. Dick, as we'll refer to him going forward, was confident and cocky.  His tousled blonde hair and blue eyes fit perfectly into his preppie, assertive style.  I'd say at the time, he was in his mid-30s, and he was there that day to scope out one particular minivan make and model for his wife.

Prior to discerning his motive, we chatted briefly before he asked me some semblance of the following:  "Do you believe any of these cars are in anyway equal to what I drove onto this car lot?"

How does a 19 year-old car salesman answer that?

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Mortgaging a home is a big deal.  It takes time and a heady decision relative to where exactly you're going to invest.  And home buying is an investment.  There's no doubt that unlike automobiles, it's an appreciating asset (most of the time).

So what's to be done when you find that your stuck with nosy, complaining, neglectful, annoying, or downright mentally ill neighbors?

For 7 years, I served as our homeowners' association president within our current 'hood.  We've lived in this same 'hood within this same house for almost 20 years.  Therefore, I know firsthand how challenging neighboring relationships can become year after year after year relative to involving certain individuals.

That being said, what do you do when you're invested in a single family home within an established neighborhood, yet you're having to constantly deal with the nosiness, complaints, abject neglect, annoyances, and sometimes outright lunacy (besides notify the HOA)?

I'll tell you what you do because I've witnessed (& lived) it.  You wrestle and hand-wring.  That's what you do.  And all the while, you feel taken advantage of and oftentimes trapped.

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A few weeks into the future, Howard Wilson Chrysler Plymouth obtained two flagship minivans, the infamous Chrysler Town & Country.  And that's when I immediately notified Mr. Dick, knowing this particular make / model was exactly what he wanted to purchase.

I remember it like it was yesterday, watching his German sports sedan yet again drive onto the lot, all along knowing that I had carried through with his specific instructions to reach out to him "just as soon" as one of these specific Chrysler vehicles graced our lot.

This time around, he had his wife with him.  She was quiet and reserved and obviously anticipating what her vain hubby had for her to inspect.

Upon opening up the van, I watched both of them climb inside.  The new car smell was particularly intense on this hot summer afternoon as I watched them run their hands over the Corinthian leather seats whilst digging their heels into the thick cutpile carpeting.

And then Mr. Dick asked another telling question, but this time it was directed towards his wife.

"Is this one nicer than what Susan drives?"

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Mentally / emotionally healthy women are typically averse to risky behavior.  In particular within relationships with men.  Instead, they gravitate towards safe and secure relative to many / most of the choices they make.  Safe and secure men, for most women, are typically financially stable (or on their way to being) with an obvious commitment to being consistently secured relative to temperament, goals, interests, etc.

Material wealth brings with it mucho opportunities to flaunt it / gloat ones lifestyle within our western culture.  And women, in particular, are heavily, heavily marketed to in this regard.  From single family homes to automobiles, fashion to jewelry, developers, manufacturers, and retailers spend a fortune attempting to position themselves as the status defining purchase.

I distinctly remember back in the early '90s when Lexus automobiles became the status symbol to drive, and watching women whom happened to attend our church, motor around town in these very distinct, extremely fashionable overpriced Toyotas.

Within a similar vein, I have witnessed the impact a massive diamond pendant can make, hanging around the neck of a man's wife on a svelte gold chain.  Believe me, it gets your attention.

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But what if her husband is essentially some version of the aforementioned Mr. Dick?  And not just from the standpoint of his obvious arrogance and repugnant sense of entitlement, but relative to his private life.  What if he's continually taking advantage of his high earner status by feigning, exploiting, abusing her trust in the security he provides in droves time and time again?

What if she's had children with Mr. Dick, and they're not privy (yet) to who he really is?

To be more specific, what if he's taking full advantage of her and subsequently, no longer cares to face his indulgent behavior as anything other than part of their relational dynamic?

What then?

I believe most women hunker down, emboldened and ashamed, and fall headlong into constructing their broken identity through purchase after purchase after purchase.  And they do so in an effort to construct such a beautiful lifestyle illusion that no one would dare infer that the marriage she's saddled with is and always has been one big joke.

I have no doubt that women get hurt far more via divorce than men do.  Plus, their chances of future happiness are much less if they go through with the D word.  The emotional toil affects her health, breeds further insecurity and so forth.  It's a bad, bad deal for them that serves as the antithesis of that lovely wedding day in June.

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So what can a woman do to preempt falling into this trap?

Easy.

Never, ever, ever under any circumstances allow yourself to become enchanted by luxury goods.  Do whatever it takes to keep your worth / value as a woman absolutely, completely divorced from where you live, what you drive, what your husband does, what kind of jewelry / clothes you wear, and so on.  So much so ladies, that you intentionally live well below your means.

Let me say that again.  So much so ladies, that you intentionally live well below your means.

Take the money that he earns and invest it in your church, charities, and so on, but do not ever, ever, ever sink it into a piece of shit Chrysler product in order to keep up with the Joneses.  Otherwise, you're choosing to enslave yourself by severely compromising your sovereignty as your husband's helpmeet.  And this will no doubt be your demise.

Reconciled

Just yesterday, I had a telephone conversation with one of my oldest friends (which was instigated by an email he'd sent me the day before).  And this is literally on the heels of lunching (tomorrow) with my absolutely oldest friend (from my college days) who's soon to be moving far away relative to a job change, therefore I'm thinking lots today about old friends and what they mean / have meant to me.

The thought of having this telephone conversation brought about some trepidation because my friend and I have just recently reconnected formally (Samson Society retreat up in Eva, TN).  Having not spoken nor seen him for 7+ years prior to the retreat obviously speaks to a personally difficult story of its own (which I'll choose to not disclose here).

Nonetheless, what I ending up receiving from this aforementioned telephone conversation was much more than I expected.  In fact, now that I think about it, perhaps it wasn't so much anticipation as deference stemming from the now recollection of whom this friend once was within my life.

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Today, I'm blessed with receiving much respect from various men.  I'm thankful that it comes in droves from my family (wife, daughters and even my 'rents!) as well as numerous Samson Society men, including the man himself, Mr. Nate Larkin.  But it wasn't always this way for Rob.  In fact, for most of my life, I've been suspicion-ed a lot, shunned on occasion and even demonized.  But, that all lead up to when I met this aforementioned friend 7+ years ago and, it was then that I found my first fan, and in turn, I tried to become the same for him.  Supermanfan to Supermanfan.  Neither of us had ever had that kind of support via another guy and, the timing for each of us was ideal.  Essentially, we learned quickly how best to cross pollinate our investment in each other, and God blessed our pursuits in droves.  For me though, I've always recognized that season as a wellspring of positive momentum relative to Rob's maturation as an individual, and this I shared with my old friend about 12 months ago (via a letter).

In general, the weightiness of respect in is proportion to relational longevity.  And this is due to the fact that longevity breeds opportunity to study, observe, and react to another man...for better or worse...warts and all over a set period of time.  This is one reason righteous, endearing, enduring church fellowship / work is so helpful to Christians.  But I digress...

So, what exactly happened during yesterday's telephone conversation that I feel so compelled to write about here?

My old friend spoke into my life, and damn, it was so freaking sweet!  In particular, about my writing abilities.

And, I heard this CLEARLY AND COMPREHENDED IT WELL because of what I've described above relative to who he (still) represents within my life.

What a gift this was for Rob.  And so unexpected.

I am so pleased that we've been reconciled.  God is so good!  I never imagined that I would again be receiving these gifts of respect from Chris.  I can only hope to return the love as we look ahead to where the Lord leads.

The Proof Is In My Humility

Humility is like autism.  It falls on a spectrum.  And for Rob, I'm seeing some sure signs of humbleness, and this serves as proof that God is faithful within the world.  What I mean by that last statement is that God exists, the Bible is the infallible word of God, and that Jesus, the Holy Spirit and so forth aren't just, you know, a lot of malarkey.

And there's strength in humility because it clears your head.  Disappointments don't matter as much.  Life, in turn, has a clock to it that spells of needed redemption.  Other men, even familial men, aren't scary to stand up to anymore due to everything I just mentioned.

For me, it's like being leveled up or perhaps a better way to put is leveled down.

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One of the coolest side effects of humility is that shame has a difficult time penetrating that secure veil.  Even within the most shame-inducing scenarios, it just won't easily succeed at taking root.  Now, I may feel some trepidation towards certain people relative to past shame, but true humility brings such clarity that it helps to circumvent those past trends.

I can imagine having a near death experience and from there, that would bring about some semblance of humility, but I wouldn't expect it to last.  What I'm talking about exactly is more along the lines of progressing along a path that eventually provides a breakthrough point where there's a clear vista backwards to where I've traveled from / through.  But too, there's the recognition of the miracle that I've come to this place, having survived so many terrible circumstances, most of which were set in motion thanks to my sin nature.

In summary, it's being able to feel joy more often than not even when things don't go my way.  It's a feeling that's electric, more akin to an energy source than a temperament.  Joy that anesthetizes the mundane, making it much, much more bearable.

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From here, I can give back without feeling cheated or choked.  Whether it's through Samson Society or otherwise.  But, that also does include my work with Bob and Darlene.

Seeing clearly is absolutely breathtaking to behold.  May it always be this way going forward.

Separate Master Suites

Today represents a milestone of sorts.  All 5 Metro Jackson Samson Society groups are coming together for a Homecoming meeting at First Baptist Church Jackson at 6 PM in the Summit Counseling suite.

In (a number of) years past, Mr. Don Waller would invite us Samson guys out to his family land near Flora, and we'd have a New Year's bonfire ceremony, celebrating where we'd been and where we felt we were headed.  In many ways, tonight's Homecoming meeting will be executed within that same spirit (including the food!).

Last year, all of the (then existing) Samson Society groups along with their wives shared a restaurant meal, both during the summer and winter months, and this, in many ways, served as the precedent for tonight.  As you know, change is inevitable.  I'm of the opinion that this change is for the better (bonfire to restaurant to Homecoming meeting / dinner). 

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The most recent trend in residential construction is dual master suites with a husband Jack and wife Jill bathroom.  It's an interesting idea that stems from convenience and sleeping in peace, but to many it's sacrilege relative to what the actual marriage bed represents.

Each to their own, I suppose.  In my opinion, two marriage beds, in theory, should increase the chances for some sextime between husband Jack and wife Jill.

The Samson Society here in the Jackson, MS metro will always be indebted to Mr. Don Waller for his foresight into spearheading the first group.  Don had somehow garnered interest in Mr. Nate Larkin's ministry, and subsequently, took the measured steps in facilitating the initial group.  Eventually, this first group spun off another, and then another, and so forth from the core group of men who met with Mr. Don Waller initially.

Why?

Convenience primarily.  Plus, the men within that initial group represented different regions of the city as well as churches within those regions, and they each knew that their church homes would also benefit from its own Samson Society group.  Like me, these guys are men's ministers by nature, and subsequently are eat up with Samson.

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What's especially awesome about tonight is we're honored to be hosting a local Samson Society guy who's only been involved via the virtual Samson Society groups.  How cool is that?  To have him formally introduced to our local Samson Society community via this Homecoming event is AWESOME.

God is so good.  I can't wait for tonight's meeting!  Please consider joining us. 

This Impossible Digital, All Access Culture

Testosterone, as far as I've been taught, culminates from a man's testes.  It is the hormone that during gestation changes a female embryo to male very early on.  It's obviously a powerful force that has massive influence over how men feel, look, react, and so forth.

And I've also been taught that men are at their sexual peak at age 18.  Therefore, in terms of virility, that's when they're most adept at conceiving children.  Of course, to conceive, a man needs to introduce his sperm to an egg.  And that's where intercourse comes into the picture.

My dad was 18 when I was conceived.  Darlene was a year younger.  Obviously, he'd no desire to impregnate my mother.  He was simply out to express his testosterone-charged self through his genitalia.

Testes are factories for sperm and the prostate is a gland that's all about assisting that factory in efficient delivery of said sperm.  Fairly regularly, men will discharge on their own whilst sleeping as needed in order to "bleed the system" so to speak.  But most men this day and age never experience this due to the impossibly ridiculous amount of all access smut that has now defined our western culture.  This, in turn, culminates in men masturbating themselves to ejaculate their semen as their arousal template spirals them towards loss of control, or worse, inserting their penis into a vagina, mouth or anus (that's in no way connected to their marriage bed) in order to achieve the same.

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Most men are highly visually stimulated.  Whether it's live, print, or video, it's his eyes that first seize the opportunity to start down the path towards overt lust.  And this is usually accomplished by taking a mental snapshot (considering real life), saving an image (online), or scrolling, scrolling, scrolling to find additional images (social media).  And we're not even considering the realm of hardcore smut within that breakdown.  Why is that?  Because there are plenty of men who feel right at home treading the surface of what's appropriate and what's not relative to cultural norms.  "No harm done.  Right?"

What's with the voluminous amount of salacious material available for men to be visually stimulated by?  Who or what exactly set that precedent in motion?


 We men willingly (or perhaps unwillingly at times) relinquish our sensibilities in order to experience visual arousal.  Take for example this massive ad campaign for the SoloFlex home gym back in the late '80s.  This mail order product was monumentally overpriced and subsequently, highly ineffective in providing results, but it sold and it sold and it sold some more as the ads played and played and played on cable television (eventually as infomercials) for years.  All thanks to the power of the visual (along with compelling voiceovers & that seductive electric guitar playing in the background).

Culturally, thanks to our free enterprise system, we're now completely zombiefied by this wicked spell, therefore everything we're presented with - in almost every "cultured" environment we find ourselves within, is sexually charged and therefore unabashedly biased towards the sexually-charged visual.

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So men, especially younger men (remember that previously referenced stat), find themselves dealing with some state of arousal at most every waking moment.  Like a low roar, it's always there from 1 to 100 as they go about their days - lounging, working, churching, schooling, etc.

And this is why men end up participating in stupidity unlike at any previous point in the history of mankind (at least in my opinion).  To be more specific, eventually, he's going to start dripping precum, and from there, he's just about at a point of no return.  Then comes stupid.

Really stupid.  Really, really stupid.

So, what must a Christian man do?  What must he do to short circuit the inevitable testosterone fueled escalation?  Knowing that there's no one else he can look to but himself for leadership in this regard.

He's got to take action to protect himself by removing his eyes from cultural norms.  First and foremost, he must avoid any and all opportunities to be gratuitously visually stimulated, starting with social media - Facebook, Instagram, and so forth.  From there, YouTube and similarly infinite databases of video everything should be relinquished.  Chat rooms, message boards, Internet groups, blogs, vlogs, and so forth should be avoided.

IMPOSSIBLE!  IMPOSSIBLE!  IMPOSSIBLE!

Possible.  Just stop.  STOP!  Refuse to be an average Christian man.  Embrace being abnormal.  Let your life reflect your faith.  Stop conforming.  Take a stand.  For yourself, your God, your family, your marriage.

Your testes are wonderful, exceptionally effective manufacturers of testosterone.  And that's all well and good.  What's not good though is you not owning up to your vulnerability in a world gone mad.  A world where men are constantly strung along by their balls from one arousal template to the next.  Not unlike dogs in heat.  Embrace a visual life and a livelihood that runs counter to cultural norms today.

For a Free SoloFlex Brochure, Call Now.  1-800-421-2000

Remember, with discipline to nonconform, the reward is yours!

Lagniappe

When Taking Advantage Of Your Own Self No Longer Makes Sense

Hello to new Rob.  Or at least complete Rob.  The Samson Society retreat gifted this to me, and I can see that clearly.

So, why isn't my private behavior reflecting this change?

I believe it's due to my mind not yet catching / syncing up with my body.

The completeness that I feel is bodily.  Like an aura or energy field that's all around me emanating enough light to illuminate my surroundings clearly.  And in turn, allowing me to see clearly who I am in turn.

But, what of my mind?  That sophisticated organ that manages my body and retains all of my memories - if not my understanding of Rob's identity.  What about it?

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I sucked my thumb 'till I was in 1st grade at Madison-Ridgeland Academy.  What convinced me to cease this behavior was me deciding to emulate my older cousin, Tate, whom didn't chew on his fat digit under any circumstance.

My mind is all about routine and therefore constantly second guessing it's surroundings - even if they're newly and subsequently more sharply illuminated.  Lots of rutted neural pathways to re- route, if you know what I mean.

So, how to begin this process?

Prayer.  First and foremost.

There's no overcoming my mind, no planning a re-wire without God's intervention and guidance.  He created my mind and knows it intricately.

So, I have faith that he'll lead.  It may take much more time than I'd like, but I know that in his time, my completely understood identity will take root within my head.  And therefore, my private self (& behaviors) will then clearly reflect this new man.

"Hello, Mr. Turner. We've Prepared A New Mirror For You."

I believe most men can see themselves fairly accurately, or at least, I'd like to think they can.  Men tend to compare themselves constantly to other men (based on what I've observed), especially within certain settings, therefore how can this occur if one isn't cognizant of his own value / makeup?  That's essentially my logic.  I suppose this may not be the case for certain races of men, but as a middle-class white guy, I can certainly vouch for my own sphere of influence and subsequently, what I've learned through the years via those relationships.

For Rob, when I've looked inward, all I've seen is a void.  I describe it as having a mirror that's shattered and therefore useless to me.  Hence, I tend to be hyper impartial whilst meeting a new friend, making few assumptions, and therefore needing to ask numerous questions.  And this is all well and good, but it leaves me sitting squarely alone.  For knowing one's own self is key to understanding who you are within a community of other men, particularly as it relates to the gospel.

So, how did this occur?  This inability to see myself.

I believe my mirror was shattered by shame, and that it occurred right around the age of 13 when I came to realize that I was right in the thick of facing intense homosexual attractions.

During a concrete pour for a building's foundation, standard testing procedures demand that a series of "test samples" of that concrete be poured into cylinders for later testing within a laboratory setting.  The same can be said for asphalt that's used on roads.  These tests often consist of applying high pressure to the hydrated cylinder 'till failure.  And it's at this failure point that designers can determine if the material specified was actually delivered to the job site for installation.  One critical component relative to this process is that you must have an independent testing engineer available to analyze the results in order to make comparisons to what was supposed to be and actually what was.  If that individual isn't available, the end result is a failed cylinder alone with no real understanding of what was actually shipped to the job site and installed.

I believe as men, we're that independent voice who must make peace with the results of who we actually are, and I believe that process should be well underway during our adolescent years.  But for Rob, this role as adjudicator was either abandoned or hijacked.  Either way, I describe it as the aforementioned shattered mirror which left me - throughout my life - unable to see my worth within the community of men.

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Considering all of that, I'm pleased to report that this past weekend's Samson Society retreat in Eva, Tennessee began to change all of that.

Yes, we discussed 

Arousal template(s)
Play
Shame &
Trauma &
Recovery

We also delved into

Worksheets

the real-time Pirate Monk podcast &
the gospel presentation

I was privileged to meet one-on-one with

Gerald (twice)
Chris
Mike (sorta one-on-one)
Paul
Michael (& another guy whom I can't remember his name during worksheet review time)
Alan
Jason
Charlie

And I picked up 2 awesome T-shirts!

[During the car ride, we made a point to learn some architectural terms.  Those were

Clerestory
Piano Noble
Vapor Barrier

,and we also learned an awful lot about termites.]

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So, how am I feeling as of late?

Really blessed and so grateful I attended.  I really like what I'm now beginning to finally see, and I never thought it might be possible to be at this place.

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In closing, we're having a new roof put on our abode today.  The roofer is a friend of mine who, years ago, worked with me on another re-roof project (mother in-law's rental property) down in south Mississippi.  His and his crew's work is solid.

But, I'm an architect.  And we're talking about my abode here.  The one I've lived in with my family for the past 20 years.

I've been home all morning, in order to make myself "available" to the crew in case they unearth something unexpected.  Not surprisingly, I haven't heard a peep out of them (except for the constant banging).

It's hard to have faith in men.  That's my biggest challenge going forward.  And not necessarily related to the small stuff but the big.  I believe the root of that harkens back to my identity problem due to the fact that ultimately I'VE NEVER FULLY TRUSTED MYSELF.  My hope is that as I continue to understand who I am, this faith / peace towards mankind will grow.

Thankfully, my closest friends get this about me.

Please be patient.  That's all I can ask.

Burning Men

The annual Samson Society retreat is this upcoming weekend in Eva, TN.  Friday evening through Sunday morning we'll be together there at the church conference center, all +/-100 of us from all over.

The point of the weekend is to learn but to also connect with men you've not seen (or possibly heard from) in some time.  Nate Larkin will serve as our host with Aaron Porter shadowing behind him.  Neither of these men pretend on any level to be anything more than regular guys who're there to enjoy the company of everyone else.

It's truly the most informal, unsuspecting event I've ever been a part of.  It's essentially the antithesis of a Promise Keepers event from the standpoint of drawing men who're willing to admit their weaknesses and essentially bank on those weaknesses as they engage.  There's no posturing.  No sizing up.  No expectations.  It's essentially a holiday to an abandoned Themyscira but for Samson men.

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Anytime I see an article during the late summer about Burning Man I click on it.  And sure, it is partially not unlike when I was a kid leafing through the National Geographic magazines looking for photos of semi-nude, body-pierced natives.  But, there is a part of me that's fascinated with these +-80,000 folks who travel to the desert to get naked and have sex with strangers.

This retreat has some similarities to that as well except that everyone keeps their clothes on.

I remember my first Silas (pre - Samson Society) using that analogy to how quickly he and I spilled our proverbial guts to each other.  We were sitting on the miniscule porch of his starter home ranch house underneath the glare of the factory-grade wall sconce, and he declared our triumph at having parlayed our way through a one-night stand.

And that's exactly what (I believe) it felt like.

Awkward.  Uncomfortable.  But extremely freeing as well.

They'll be much of that resonance throughout the weekend if the weekend is a success.

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So, where does God fit into all of this?

For Rob, it's part and parcel me taking more and more baby steps towards making peace with who I am today.  This weekend.  As an almost 50 year old man.

And I think that's where many Samson guys get hung up on what wasn't bestowed on them during these events.  For they're expecting a destination in lieu of more process.  Well, it's not that at all.

There will be no party favors to take home or scribbled within workbooks to refer back to.  Just memories and many more questions and absolutely more stubble and sleep to catch up on.

I cannot wait!