Friday, February 11, 2022
Heart Of Man
For the second time (last night), I screened this powerful allegory (w/ my virtual Samson Society group).
The most convicting / provoking aspects within is the commentary provided. Commentary given by men and women seizing the opportunity / utilizing their (no doubt earned) authority (based on experience) to speak with such conviction. If you haven't taken the time to screen this film, do yourself a favor. It is one of a kind.
Wednesday, February 9, 2022
We Know That Jesus Ascended Into Heaven +/-30 Days After His Resurrection, & That Now He's Seated At The Right Hand Of God, The Father. Considering That Biblical Truth, Wherein Lies His Humanity Today?
The older I get, the more I appreciate / feel at peace with my God-given 49-year-old physical body, and thereby am less focused on others' (bodies). It's embarrassing to reminiscence on just how consumed I was - as my younger self - with certain others' bodies (hot, athletically-built guys), but as a highly visual guy, I'm of the opinion that I was not the exception (my sexuality notwithstanding).
Looking at others and seeing physical beauty in a person's body / face, whether it's the entire package or a portion therein, always felt very, very wrong - morally - to be doing. But I was a naive "kid in a candy store" as a found myself growing from boy to man. With zero direct fatherly guidance, much less a sounding board to respectfully query during my adolescence, my self-image took a double beating. The repetitiveness of which only served to promulgate further my obsession with seemingly everyone else's culturally normalized masculinity - to my own's detriment.
Exacerbating all of this internal loathing was '80s / early '90s entertainment (television / film / periodicals). And, of course, I was not alone. Most everyone within that time period was tracking similarly as the American public was captivated culturally by the wild, wild West Coast's photographed propaganda.
Taking all of this into account, every bit of this - as described here - was / is directly involving my humanity. No doubt, this represents a sizable part of Rob.
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At some point during my mid-30s, I happened upon (thanks to the www) one very unexpected Christian celebrity pastor. On the surface, it was this man's amazing communications skills combined with his decidedly masculine looks / swagger that truly piqued my interest. Never had I seen nor heard a pastor quite like this Mark Driscoll (who just happened to also be my age).
But now, whilst looking back, what I truly believe I was drawn to was
1) his brooding outrage / disgust with so much that he'd been subject to within his own Americanized '80s (Pacific Northwest) upbringing (of which I could directly relate to).
2) the man's potential, which far exceeded his ability to preach.
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Before proceeding, an important special bulletin (for those of you whose own experience with Mars Hills Church - Pastor Mark's former - continues to muddy the emotional waters). This is such a wonderful response to that situation from October of 2014.
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Why are these two items important, and how do they pertain to the questions posed within this blog post? Much less, my relationship with my own humanness.
Humanity's primary definer is limitations. We are finite, fleshly beings who live / breathe for a season / during a season here on Earth. As such, we grow and become during that season. Hence, so much of our (internally) known / recognized identity comes from that growing / becoming.
Jesus, according to Scripture, grew as well and eventually became the man who was baptized by his cousin before ministering nonstop ('till his death / resurrection) to the masses.
Pastor Mark Driscoll preached / preaches incessantly about Jesus, and it was apparent that through that preaching, he resonated deeply with the Jesus presented within the gospels combined with the portion of Jesus he saw (& could relate to) within himself (his own God-imaged humanity).
As such, the outcome of all of this was extremely compelling to his parishioners. And I believe that compelling was indirectly (subconsciously) fueled by the two items I cited earlier within this post. Let's review them again.
1) his brooding outrage / disgust with so much that he'd been subject to within his Americanized '80s (Pacific Northwest) upbringing.
2) the man's potential which far exceeded his ability to preach.
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I believe - as Mark Driscoll preached - that Jesus was both deeply sympathetic to humanity's plight (physical illnesses / disabilities, disastrous consequences / outcomes and the ensuing heartache) combined with his overwhelming disdain for the Hebrew culture (keyword) that took advantage of people - in order to establish a religiously entitled class structure.
Yet, Jesus neither had (was forced) to care about any of this, nor was he relegated to serve and ultimately die.
His humanity demonstrated that, yet he very much desired for this to be part of his narrative.
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One of the dumbest aspects of comic book superheroes is how utterly unbelievable / unrealistic they behave morally. If there were mutants or meta-humans or aliens who looked like humans on Earth, of which could read minds or fly or were super strong, etc., each and every one of them would take full advantage of their superiority relative to everyone else. As such, they would rule all of us with an iron fist (fear), exploiting our inferiority to them.
And this is an especially true reality -taking into account - how corrupt we are as a human-beings. For they would easily find credence to repeatedly punish us via their adjudicatory whimsy.
There are a whole lotta Christians out there who've dedicated their lives to the pastorate, the mission field - in spite of - their gifting of leadership, work ethic, creativity, etc. As such, their "plight" makes no sense if you consider their potential.
This is one of the most brutally consequential realities of the Christian faith. And it cannot be brushed aside because it precisely aligns with Jesus himself - as he was presented in the gospels.
In the end, it's a praiseworthy, mind-blowing element of faith. Faith that runs counter to / best manages our God-imaged yet very fallen humanity.
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So what is Jesus' humanity demanding of him today? Does he still require sleep, food, somewhere to relieve himself? Do his sex organs still function (erections)? Is he sneezing on occasion? Is his hair (head / beard) regularly groomed, per his liking?
If the answer to these questions wasn't of course, then you'd not have men like Mark Driscoll. Mark Driscoll, who though not perfect (by a long shot), certainly has / does continue to humanly impact the world for Christ in conjunction with the perspective he's gained via Christ's humanity.
Tuesday, February 8, 2022
Thursday, February 3, 2022
Samson Guys, As They Navigate Their Friendships Within The Community, Must Prioritize The Affirming
The title of this post is my personal opinion. And it's important to note that it's been my modus operandi relative to the Samson Society throughout my (7 year) participation therein. I realize it sounds self-centered (selfish), but my point of view - as it's written about here - is always on my personal recovery. Therefore, everyone likely won't agree with me after reading this post. But do realize, that this approach has absolutely worked for Rob.
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What I mean by the affirming is receiving affirmation from other Samson guys. Specific affirmation as it pertains to how you yourself may be wired (by God's design). For me, I receive affirmation from guys when I'm actively listened to.
Now, let me qualify that statement: actively listened to.
I'm not referring to another Samson guy having his ears open and hearing Rob. I'm referring to Samson guys who are attracted / interested enough to / in me to intentionally probe (query) - out of compassion / concern.
This is active listening.
In regards to this, one of the most burdensome red flags is when I sense my friend's probing is compulsory, or worse, it's being done out of malice (envy, slander, fatalism) or really worse, mistrust. And this happens at times. We're human beings. Though once I suspect it, I have a choice to make - continue forward politely or make a discreet exit. I usually, to some degree, do the former. And this is because I know that every situation / circumstance doesn't stand on its own, and that my sensitivity to this may not at all reflect reality. In other words, I provide them with the benefit of the doubt and play the long game.
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Human beings want to be listened to, noticed. This is what drives social media. And it's made for a society of constant talkers with not very many active listeners.
But they are out there. You just have to be patient and ask God for his grace to bring them your way (again, if that's how you receive affirmation).
Over time there's a high probability that your actively listening friends' interest in you will wane (as will your interest in them). Hence, if you're like me, you'll carry on 'till your polite mask falls (or disintegrates) off.
What's unfortunate about this is the derision that can result. For sometimes Samson guys (many of which have a whole lot to say!) who're altogether presented (sometimes maybe even jolted) with your specific affirmation priority - that being needing / wanting to be heard - may dramatically deflect / reject the overflow / pushback that they're now finding themselves cornered into listening to. Essentially, they come away feeling like they've been cheated or lied to relative to your tendency to yield them the floor / navigate the waters - by default.
And I honestly don't know how to balance this relational degradation issue with one's own needs, particularly as a Christian.
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Active listening takes skill combined with intelligence (including emotional). I've found myself to be quite fortunate to have ascertained this skillset. It is no doubt my most cherished skill, though overall it's in no way qualitatively superior than any other friend tool. There're plenty of others that I genuinely suck at. Genuinely.
How might you receive affirmation? Once you recognize it, do yourself a favor and use it to filter your Samson Society friendships accordingly. Your recovery will thank you. Customized affirmation from Samson friends equates to love lived out. Men in recovery depend on that love. It's a primary means of God's healing hand within your broken self.
Tuesday, February 1, 2022
Your Wife Has Standards Too ("Fat Slobs" Rarely Get Laid - Shirtless)
The Director of the YMCA branch we frequent asked me specifically - a few weeks ago - if I was planning to take part in the 2022 "Polar Plunge", a charitable February (winter) swim event (in the Y pool). I replied by asking him if he would be participating in turn. He said yes. But when I asked if he would be swimming in the chilly pool waters shirtless, he replied by describing himself as a "fat slob", therefore no.
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There's little off limits relative to dialogue content / subject matter within / between Samson Society / Samson Society men. Although I have found that most men rarely, if ever, disseminate details regarding their marital bed (sex life w/ spouse). And I believe this is because it's simply too frightening to be THAT transparent. Combine that with the fear of being seen as NOT THE VERITABLE STUD that we'd hoped everyone would assume we are - within our master bedrooms.
You do hear more and more about spouses sleeping apart (somewhere on their property), and undoubtedly, they're always quick to allay their audience's fears that their sex life has been - in any way - negatively impacted.
I read an article recently where the husband slept in the backyard with the wife back in the master suite. And he did this - no doubt - with a weighted blanket, inside his pup tent.
I would argue he was likely obtaining quite the masculinity injection via his nightly stay-at-home scouting, and this quickly took precedent over the typical convenience of having his lovely wife by his side.
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One of my favorite questions to ask Samson guys is this: What brings on (activity) the most intense feelings of masculinity for you?
My first Silas had (13) biological children (no twins), and his wife wanted more. Of course, there was no need for me to even ask this question. The answer was obvious.
I believe most men feel intensely masculine when they're engaging sexually with certain other people (hopefully their wife). But, in light of that assumption, I've also served as Silas to a man who'd only had intercourse with his wife 3-5 times. And he'd been married to this same woman for +/-30 years. And it wasn't that he didn't feel masculine being sexual with certain women, but it just so happened that his wife wasn't one of those women.
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One of the weirdest things about being open about my struggles with same-sex attraction (homosexual desires) is how some guys cannot NOT feel insecure (especially if they're younger than I am) around me. Hence, if they're married, some of them will consistently (& I've known many of these men for years) make a point to reference how much they enjoy their regularly sexual programming within their marriage bed.
And I have no reason to believe otherwise when they repeatedly tout the vigor and sizzle they're regularly experiencing between the sheets.
It's these same guys who sometimes ask me that hypothetical question: "If you could - overnight - be rid of your same-sex attraction / homosexual desires, would you do it?"
Whereas what they're really saying is: "I so do not trust you, and this is because I cannot relate to both who you say you are and what you claim to be experiencing."
And this stems from the authentication of their masculinity via sex - with their wives - within the marriage bed.
For if I'm not receiving it there, and I'm not having sex with other men, where could I possibly be receiving it?
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I'm not a woman nor have I ever felt at all womanly, therefore I cannot speak for them, but I do know that many Samson guys have wives who oblige to sexual activity with their husbands - out of "necessity". To be more specific, they're willing to be sexual with their husbands in order to lessen the chance that he'll look for sexual pleasure elsewhere.
I've heard men, who've allowed me the privilege of being their Silas, state clearly that they'll fuck anything if they're given the opportunity. Hence, it's not the reaction of the recipient that matters. It's the opportunity.
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What I want to recommend to married Samson guys, who are sexually active with their wives, is the following:
If you're ongoing goal is to carry on a vibrant sex life with your wife, take pride in what you physically bring to the experience.
Start by remembering this: You were meant - as a man - to be muscular. If you're not muscular today, your physical build isn't static. All it takes is know-how and motivation.
Your testes do certainly create (or they should) sperm (for reproduction), but they also manufacture testosterone. The latter of which is what physically promulgates muscle growth in response to strength training.
You do have control over both what you eat, how often you eat, and how much you eat. Your mouth is there to communicate verbally and eat with. You have full control over both. (It also works in breathing, but...)
Exercise is powerfully effective at making your body decidedly more physically attractive to your wife. Closely monitoring your food intake works the same.
And this truth must be embraced / committed to 24/7/365 with no days off. Ever.
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We still send out those Xmas cards with the family photos on them each year, and in return, others do the same. We received one this year from a family we've known for most of our married lives (25 years). The couple have four children, and we first met them within a newlywed Sunday School class at Colonial Heights Baptist Church not long after we were married.
What a beautiful family they are! And I'm so pleased to see that their marriage endured.
But I can't help but immediately notice the dad / husband - sticking out like a sore thumb - who'll also not be taking his shirt off at the "Polar Plunge".
Summer 2022 (here in the northern hemisphere) is fast approaching. Align your physical self in anticipation of looking your very best.
You are an image bearer of the most Holy God.
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