The title of this post is my personal opinion. And it's important to note that it's been my modus operandi relative to the Samson Society throughout my (7 year) participation therein. I realize it sounds self-centered (selfish), but my point of view - as it's written about here - is always on my personal recovery. Therefore, everyone likely won't agree with me after reading this post. But do realize, that this approach has absolutely worked for Rob.
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What I mean by the affirming is receiving affirmation from other Samson guys. Specific affirmation as it pertains to how you yourself may be wired (by God's design). For me, I receive affirmation from guys when I'm actively listened to.
Now, let me qualify that statement: actively listened to.
I'm not referring to another Samson guy having his ears open and hearing Rob. I'm referring to Samson guys who are attracted / interested enough to / in me to intentionally probe (query) - out of compassion / concern.
This is active listening.
In regards to this, one of the most burdensome red flags is when I sense my friend's probing is compulsory, or worse, it's being done out of malice (envy, slander, fatalism) or really worse, mistrust. And this happens at times. We're human beings. Though once I suspect it, I have a choice to make - continue forward politely or make a discreet exit. I usually, to some degree, do the former. And this is because I know that every situation / circumstance doesn't stand on its own, and that my sensitivity to this may not at all reflect reality. In other words, I provide them with the benefit of the doubt and play the long game.
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Human beings want to be listened to, noticed. This is what drives social media. And it's made for a society of constant talkers with not very many active listeners.
But they are out there. You just have to be patient and ask God for his grace to bring them your way (again, if that's how you receive affirmation).
Over time there's a high probability that your actively listening friends' interest in you will wane (as will your interest in them). Hence, if you're like me, you'll carry on 'till your polite mask falls (or disintegrates) off.
What's unfortunate about this is the derision that can result. For sometimes Samson guys (many of which have a whole lot to say!) who're altogether presented (sometimes maybe even jolted) with your specific affirmation priority - that being needing / wanting to be heard - may dramatically deflect / reject the overflow / pushback that they're now finding themselves cornered into listening to. Essentially, they come away feeling like they've been cheated or lied to relative to your tendency to yield them the floor / navigate the waters - by default.
And I honestly don't know how to balance this relational degradation issue with one's own needs, particularly as a Christian.
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Active listening takes skill combined with intelligence (including emotional). I've found myself to be quite fortunate to have ascertained this skillset. It is no doubt my most cherished skill, though overall it's in no way qualitatively superior than any other friend tool. There're plenty of others that I genuinely suck at. Genuinely.
How might you receive affirmation? Once you recognize it, do yourself a favor and use it to filter your Samson Society friendships accordingly. Your recovery will thank you. Customized affirmation from Samson friends equates to love lived out. Men in recovery depend on that love. It's a primary means of God's healing hand within your broken self.
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