The Hardest Days To Be A Christian

There have been three occasions - during my almost 25 year marriage - where individuals (all of which are or were neighbors) have said (to my face) cruel and hateful things to me about Angie (my wife) out of spite.

Let me expound on the phrase - "out of spite".  It means as a result of being really angry with me first and foremost.

I have no problem with individuals being angry at me.  That's their choice.  I learned years ago that my spiritual gift is vacuuming.  I bring out either the best or worse within those I engage with.  Considering all of that, when individuals indirectly attack my spouse as a result of their vitriol towards me, that's when I want to lose my Christianity.

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There've been a number of times (either amongst the Samson Society community or otherwise), over the past 7 years, where I've harbored quite (or to some lesser degree) the disdain for friend's wives.  Sometimes it was due to their temperament or maybe their general incompetency as a __________.  But rarely do guys pick up on this from me - unless I feel so moved - on behalf of what I'll dub "the greater good".  Therefore, I'm personally familiar with the circumstances surrounding what can manifest itself as indirect relational tension.  

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Angie is one of those wives / mothers that's an easy target for cruel and hateful scorn.  She's one in a million, and as such, her halo is blindingly bright.  Therefore, most individuals recognize this immediately upon meeting her, and as a result, resentment can fester (towards her and me as her fortunate spouse) 'till an eventual breach.

Of note here though is that one of these three aforementioned occasions did manifest itself from the mouth of a man.  That was truly the most unusual (& demonstrative) profession of disgust with me as I witnessed this older guy cast his derogatory net wide enough to include Angie.  Weird.

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Back in the '80s there was this stupid, terrible movie that played on HBO repeat an awful lot.  It was an early Stephen King adaptation called Firestarter, and it starred a young, way overrated actress who had a reputation for spending her free time in bars in LA.  That being said, the only redeeming quality of this screen turd was the inclusion of Mr. George C. Scott (one of my favorite actors), though it was unfortunate that he found himself mixed up in this cinematic debacle.

Case in point, if I weren't a Christian, I'd want to be Drew Barrymore's character in that stupid movie.  

Hopefully you catch my drift.

Are Males Who Regale In Their Homosexual Sin Really Men (Physicality Notwithstanding)?

The only way I know how to answer that question is to consider what men crave:  Respect.  

Taking that into account, should you provide respect to men who're actively participating in homosexual sin?  What if their expectations for respect are not the same as those for straight men, does that - in and of itself - disqualify them from manhood?  Conversely, how do men with homosexual desires best lend respect to other men (no matter the orientation), and if they choose not to abide by "traditional" rules, does that disqualify they themselves similarly despite their not actively participating in homosexual sin?

Well, let's break down the actual act of paying / providing respect to someone - from a "traditional" standpoint.

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Think about attending a wake / funeral.  This is an act of paying respect despite the fact that it's an end of life exercise that arguably doesn't require but an hour or so of your time / attention.  Yet, you're definitely involving yourself quietly within this individual's Earthly existence.

And that involvement really is pretty profound, if you consider it for a few moments.  Why?

Attending a funeral isn't a private affair.  If you do it right, you're engaging with the family prior or post attending some form of a service.  And by doing this, you're acknowledging that person's story, their representation of humanity, as they saw fit to play it out, throughout the course of their life.  I would argue this to be one of the highest forms of showing / paying respect, but too, it likely serves as a microcosm relative to respectful days past.  Arguably, a man's zenith relative to garnering respect may very well culminate at his end of days.

Somewhat in opposition to that, what does the Bible present to us relative to men who're actively involved in homosexual sin?  Specifically, how does God react to it?  

Oh, it's bad.  You know that.  It's really, really bad.

There are two instances Biblically where terrible repercussions are dealt out to entire municipalities due to the torrid ubiquity of homosexual sin.

Too, the Bible speaks of men who're "turned over to" their homosexual desires.  This implies that God releases them from their God-given natural tendencies (orientation) completely, and from there, there's no turning back.

Whilst circling back to the notion of funerals, often homosexual sin promulgates sexually transmitted diseases.  These infectious diseases do shorten life either directly or by making a man's body indirectly more vulnerable to other issues down the road.

One area of the church that you rarely, if ever, hear anything about is its active involvement in supporting HIV / AIDS patients / ministries that do so  And this is either during their diagnoses of the virus infection or at the end stage when the virus has mutated into Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.  The flashpoint here is that HIV is primarily a virus infection that men who're actively involved in homosexual sin (sodomy) are physically susceptible to.  There's no arguing against the fact that the Bible doesn't shy away from clearly modeling the mandate (Jesus teaching & modeling for us) of caring for the sick, yet the church is often staunchly unsupportive of putting any of its resources towards ministerial opportunities that even remotely condones sinful behavior.  And I believe this is an awesomely helpful litmus test for us as individuals.  

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There are eleven houses on our cul-de-sac, one of which has been mortgaged thrice (over the past 20+ years of its existence).  The current mortgagee is a middle-aged bachelor who discreetly moved out many months ago to live with his girlfriend.  The girlfriend's abode must not be too far away because our neighbor regularly drives through to check his mail and take a gander at his empty house, and about every two weeks, he'll use a portion of his Sunday to maintain the landscaping prior to returning to his home away from home.  

This particular house was occupied when we mortgaged our home back in late 2000.  It was one of two others that were built at the time Angie and I came "on the scene".  And as such, the home has had zero renovation work done to it since its initial occupancy two decades ago.  Perhaps this status quo might persists for a few years longer, but eventually, costly renovation work will need to be done (especially if the home is ever listed "For Sale").

Weirdly enough, (& I won't go into too many details here) my parents have the same exact situation going on with one of their bachelor neighbors (within their suburban 'hood), though that house is considerably larger and the bachelor considerably older.

This is a setup that feels exceedingly juvenile to me.  Especially from the standpoint of leaving all ten of us neighbors in the dark as to why the house is now empty.  Therefore, I can't comprehend why this mid-50s year old man would behave this way.

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Now, let's talk about my favorite topic.  Sex.  

Sex can be mighty important to some men from the standpoint of bringing about copious amounts of respect (perceived or otherwise).  I recall vividly my potluck roommate during my sophomore year at MSU wooing women into our dorm room in order to receive AM fellatio in between classes.  How disconcerting it was to attempt to unlock our dorm room door after my first class only to have it immediately slammed in my face in response to my unexpected arrival "home".  

Man, those were some good collegiate memories indeed!

But again, this is juvenile behavior.  We're focuses on men within this post.  Not horny boys.  But, maybe the answers to some of these questions I've posed simply is a question of true manhood versus boyhood.

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I spent at least six months being counseled by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi back in 1995.  The sessions were executed via landline telephone, but nevertheless, they were so helpful to me at the time.  Dr. Nicolosi spent a lot of time corroborating my understanding of how my early childhood days (in particular) had set the stage for me to develop homosexual desires.  He also hastened to tell me that there was at least a 50% chance that these homosexual desires would never go away - no matter if I remained single or married (obviously female at the time) the love of my life. 

We also talked an awful lot about homosexual desires being greatly undermined / placated / diminished by one working diligently to "advance" into the "world of men".  And what he meant by that was behaving like a man, even within areas of my life that (within that vein) I was exceedingly naïve and cautious / hesitant / uncomfortable towards. 

As I thought more and more about this, I realized that I was not a whole lot different than every other guy out there (I was in my early 20s at the time).  No doubt, advancing into the "world of men" can be a frightening thought for a lot of guys, and I just happened to be one of those who'd hyper-sexualized countless other men in reaction to that fear.

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So, here the questions I posed again:  ...should you provide respect to men who're actively participating in homosexual sin?  What if their expectations for respect are not the same as those for straight men, does that - in and of itself - disqualify them from manhood?  

No, you shouldn't.  They're behaving like boys and as such, as boys often do, they're only thinking of their own desires / wants (in regards to their homosexual desires) versus the health / welfare of those around him.  A healthy, God-breathed relationship between men should never contain a sexual component(s).  Of course, that statement runs counter to everything our culture embraces here in 2021 as it pertains to admitting to and managing homosexual desires.

Conversely, how do men with homosexual desires best lend respect to other men (no matter the orientation), and if they choose not to abide by "traditional" rules, does that disqualify they themselves similarly despite their not actively participating in homosexual sin?

The key to this question are the words "other men" (no matter the orientation).  This implies that the guy with homosexual desires is a (behaving like a) man (respect) as well, therefore that truth dictates his motive / intentions behind how his respecting will / should always be played out.  

Men who have the chutzpah to fess up to their homosexual desires are to be commended for their bravery in doing so.  From there, the next question for him is - what are you doing / going to do to maximize this opportunity to daily relinquish this particular thorn to Christ in anticipation of seeing him use it to his glory?  Also, considering pragmatics, where's your support?  It's a two-way street.   

Lagniappe

If Samson Society Has Been A Benefit To You, Why Not Support The Ministry Financially? Don't Just Be A Taker. Be A Giver. It's Enriching To A Man's Soul To Give Generously.

 

Dear Rob Spring has arrived and there is new life sprouting up everywhere. That’s particularly true for Samson Society.  Here are just a few examples: We have been averaging 3-5 men in our daily Newcomer meetings, and many of those men are diving right in to weekly online meetings and connecting with a Silas as a daily traveling companion. That’s between 90 and 150 new members per month! We now have over 1800 men receiving our daily devotional, or listening to it on Alexa or podcasts. We have added The Sarah Society for the wives and girlfriends of Pirate Monks and it is thriving. There is hope for those devastated by the trauma of betrayal. In the last few months we have added Samson meetings in Italian, Spanish, and Russian languages, with French and Chinese in the works. Plus, we have men from 49 countries attending meetings. And then we get this message from a new Pirate Monk: "Just wanted to say thank you for everyone here. It has been a difficult road, but slowly I’m getting there, step by step (and a few steps back along the way too). So thanks for being there. I don’t know where I’d be without my Samson Society brothers, but I’m glad I’m here (and my wife is too!).” We have so much for which to be grateful, not the least of which is YOU. Thank you for your support of the Samson Society mission through Samson House.  We continue to rescue families by helping men live in the freedom of authenticity, but the need continues to grow as well. As more and more people realize the destructive habit of porn use feeds the human trafficking industry, Samson Society’s profile is attracting more attention. We’re up for the challenge, but we need your ongoing support. If you haven’t already, please consider increasing your contribution and making it monthly. Thank you for your support! You can contribute HERE. As always, please feel free to contact us with questions and constructive comments. We are partners in this great work. And it cannot go without mention, we need your prayers - we are well aware of the enemy against whom we fight this battle. Gratefully yours, Tom Moucka Samson House, President Nate Larkin Samson Society, Founder Contribute Here

Contact us: Support@samsonSociety.com

10x More Potent

Lust via sexual fantasy isn't (by God's grace) a chronic problem for Rob, though for the majority of my post-pubescent life, it was a big, big problem that I can wholeheartedly say I was in bondage to.  And oh, how I wish that hadn't been the case.  For all of those lust-fueled sexual fantasies separated me farther and farther away from both my God and my wife (whilst married).

I distinctly remember using lust-fueled sexual fantasies when I initially began masturbating in late elementary school.  It was super easy for me since I was "imaginatively preconditioned" as a boy thanks to my penchant for the ubiquitous sci-fi / fantasy (Star Wars / DC & Marvel comics) play that most boys enjoy so much.  As such, sadly enough, all my grey matter was well suited to segue from those innocents to the sexually explicit with the onslaught of testosterone.   

But I still sometimes fall into this trap.  Even today, as a 48-year old, (almost) 25-years married to my sweet wife.

Why?

Because narrated masturbation (lustful sexual fantasies) is 10x more potent (sexual pleasure) than simply masturbating for masturbation's sake.

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I'm convinced that very few men ever consider separating massaging their wiener (with their fingers) from lustful sexual fantasies (either porn enhanced or not) because the two go together like a delicious grilled hamburger patty and toasted hamburger buns (with all the 'fixins), and this results in a combination that's delectable to devour holistically.  

Also, masturbation is widely panned as a boyhood pastime, therefore what business would a grown man have participating in such frivolous activities (particularly if he's married)?  To focus exclusively on that physical act is akin to spending time plugging / unplugging your butthole with a pointer finger.  

What's the point of that?

I've had many men staunchly disagree with the notion of masturbation being acceptable in the eyes of God - under any circumstances, and this despite the fact that God gave us appendages that are ideally positioned to explore our genitalia whenever we feel so moved.  

Nonetheless, I don't fall into this camp of labeling masturbation as sin, and my grounds for this approach is what I've researched on my own in Scripture combined with wise counsel from godly men whom I respect.  But, I completely respect the Christian man who vehemently (or otherwise) disagrees with me on this.

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During the early years of my marriage to Angie, I found myself doing exactly as I did during my college days (living four years within a dorm room with four individualized roommates) prior to going on to sleep.  The (two to three times per week) routine consisted of listening for the other person (wife or roommate) to fall asleep prior to throwing back the covers, very carefully removing my skivvies, closing my eyes, and marinating in lust-fueled sexual fantasy (most of which were homosexual in nature) as a transcendent escape from the cares of the day. 

There are simply too many times to count how often my wife has been startled awake depending on how intoxicating my fantasies became (and in turn vigorously I massaged by wiener).  This would result in her being greatly annoyed by my antics, and oftentimes, the next morning she'd sheepishly ask "what were you doing in bed last night?".  Had I answered her honestly, I would have told her I was expertly choreographing / producing a lust-fueled sexual fantasy that was perfectly synchronized to the stroking of my penis.

On numerous occasions, the orgasms from these episodes were so intense that I came (sorry) very close to passing out.  Seriously.

And for the record, yes, these sexual experiences were far more potent thanks to the lust-fueled sexual narrative playing out inside my head.

I realize that's probably a lot more detailed info than you care to know about me, but I've no shame in telling you this if it might destigmatize something that's so commonplace / mainstream relative to dialogue - outside church circles.

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This morning, I shed a few tears as I laid bare the well worn asphalt path (Lakeland Drive) to my office.  They were tears of regret, having returned last night to the "Fast Pass" masturbatory experience involving lust-fueled sexual fantasy.  And I did so lazily.  Aloof is truly the best description I can use to describe my state of mind last night.  It was as if I'd no past recollection of the ensuing shame / guilt associated with the ramifications of this sinful behavior.  And that's what made it all the more an anomalous experience.  

I'd even, prior to turning in, emailed my Silas in an effort to give him an update regarding my weekend plans (we typically try to rendezvous every other weekend).  And looping him in there was gratifying in and of itself.  So where did this fallback originate from?

All I can come up with is twofold.

One, I ran yesterday evening during my oldest two little sinners' piano lessons, and there at Parham Bridges Park, were scads of walkers, runners.  From the throngs, I did identity one young man who was particularly beautiful.  I never did see anything but his back, but that was enough.  He was blessed with a body that few Mississippi men every come close to inhabiting.  It was splendidly proportioned and athletically built from head to toe.  

Two, I was really, really tired (having not rested well the night before), and as such, my aforementioned run was no fun whatsoever.  I trudged through it, only able to complete 60% - 75% of my usual coursework.  Running whilst tired is akin to having intercourse whilst tired.  

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Lazily.  That's the perfect word for describing how indiscriminate falling back into sin like this truly is.  We all at times find ourselves exhausted.  We all sometimes let our guard down.  Nonetheless, it doesn't change the fact that sin has no excuses.  Does no less harm.  Is no less serious.

May God strengthen my resolve to never again return to lust-fueled sexual fantasies under any circumstances. 

  

Recommended Reading (Desiring God blog post)

 Escape the World’s Infatuation with Sex | Desiring God

Recommended Viewing - Mr. Jay Stringer

The Archetypical Sexual Prowess Of Leading Men In Television / Film: A Powerful Straw Man

The valedictorian of my high school class chose not to speak during our convocation service.  In his place then resided our Assistant Principal, Dr. Vernon Sills.  Unfortunately (at least in my humble opinion), Dr. Sills was mostly seen as a joke at our private academy (Madison-Ridgeland Academy).  He'd only been with the institution for a few years, and you could tell he really didn't care for any of us or his job.  Plus, the man was simply tough to look at due to the fact that God had done him no favors in the looks department, at least at this point in his life (Medicare years).  All in all, it was easy to simply cringe whilst encountering him traversing the halls, all the while on the constant lookout for troublemakers. 

Within his speech, Dr. Sills emphasized to us Class of 1990 high school graduates to cultivate our physical, emotional, and spiritual selves whilst venturing out into the world.  By doing so, he extrapolated regarding the importance of proper nutrition and exercise, relational connections and faith (via Christianity).  What he left out though was anything at all related to our sexual prowess, and of course, this made good sense.

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Television was a huge part of everyone's life in the 1980s.  There were only a handful of channels via CATV (by today's standards), therefore the limited amount of programming had a monumental girth in terms of its influence on our big hair / mullet culture.  For example, millions upon millions of viewers watched evening soaps like Dallas, Dynasty, Falcon Crest, and Knots Landing week after week.  The characters, portrayed by stunningly beautiful actors / models, infiltrated our everyday narratives, propelled forward by yet another hourlong episode the upcoming Friday night through the fall / spring. 

The white people dedication to these TV soaps was akin to our current blind devotion to Facebook and other forms of social media.

EVERYONE LOVED WATCHING THESE TV SHOWS.  I simply cannot emphasize that word EVERYONE enough in this regard.

Why was this?  The leading men.  It was almost always centered on the beauty and sexual prowess of the leading men.

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I'll never forget seeing the scene I posted above.  Not only was it pivotal in demonstrating how preposterous these idiotic narratives were (this scene was the retcon of all retroactive continuities at the tail end of one of the later seasons of Dallas), but simultaneously, all of this "intellectual audience abuse" was instantly forgiven once we'd had the opportunity to join Mr. Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing) in the shower - of all places.  Now, by today's standards, this is a very familiar scene / ploy.  Therefore, you really need to reverse time a fair bit here to realize two things.  One, was the reach this soap opera had in terms of its broadcast viewership, and two was the scene itself.  Go back and watch it again.  Pay attention to just how intrusively perceived (startled) then welcomed the camera is directly inside the shower.  As if to say, I'm turning everything over to you, viewer, leaving nothing whatsoever to the imagination.

What this moment said so clearly to me as a boy was the following:  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  Your sexual prowess / value as a male is indicative of your looks, your voice, your build.  

And, of course, all of these items I had no control over.  At least as I understood it.  You may ask, why exactly did this make such a distinct impression?

My parents, like most others, orbited their entire week around forthcoming episodes of Dallas.  Everyone talked constantly about this rich white people soap.  You can read to your heart's content about the show here.  I cannot underestimate its impact culturally during this time.  Every character became like a part of our family, but this was especially true of the leading men (& to some degree their character's wives).

As children, we typically adhere to / respect / revere that which our parents gravitate towards / elevate, and as such, if Maw & Paw are BOTH hyped up for the same thing, there's a darn good chance it's going to make a decided impression on the offspring.  This occurs by demonstrating to the little sinners to pay attention, look sharp, digest, believe because we're all on board here.

It comes down to relaying / demonstrating trust in something / someone to your children and the powerful influence this can have on your child's gullible mind.  

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Now let's fast forward 21 years.  For many younger men, the film 300 represented their first exposure to what I'm describing above but at a much more explicit and stylized level.  And one could argue, because this was film, that it had just as much impact via its cinema presentation as all the hours upon hours that Dallas had whilst being screened on my 'rent's 19" RCA CRT TV.   

I've heard younger Samson guys discuss how their first screening of 300 at the theater similarly served to radically imprint within their psyches the exact same hyper-warped magnitude of cultural relevancy, though graphically demonstrated within a R-rated film.

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But what's really going on here?

There are some really hot guys out there, many of which have made TV, film, video game, etc. production companies millions upon millions of dollars with their looks / charisma onscreen.  But these men are one in a million.  Plus, the production companies have to be successful in locating actors who're vain enough to participate in this soulless visual patronizing.

God gave us eyes to see other men with.  This is a fact.  But most, if not all of what we see on TV, film, or in video games is not at all in line with reality.  TV / film / video games expose us to photographic (or near photographic) imagery of individuals that are far less real than anything we might encounter on the street, in school, at work, church, etc., and of course, there's no more impressionable medium relative to entertainment.  Particularly towards children.

Recognize the end goal of TV, film, video game production companies:  It is only to make lots and lots of $$$$$.  They're uninterested in whom their content influences or how.  They take zero responsibility for your impressionable soul. 

As a Christian, this should truly be a disturbing truth.