Home (Hell) Economics (To The NO)

I was describing to a Samson brother my life growing up as it pertained to my mother's role within our abode.  Before I go there, you must know the ranch house the Turners resided in was modest but typical for the '70s (when it was constructed) in that the lot was sizable.  Hence, it was plenty big for team sports (which there were none), tons of landscaping (which there were plenty & room for more), dog pen (there was one), fruit trees (a few), etc.  You have to remember, dear reader, that social media didn't exist back then, therefore we weren't all just sitting around staring at our pocket computers all day - inside our house.  Obviously, the yard served us well for at least nine months out of the year.

My mother was not only the professional home / yard economist but also the decorator / designer.  It was like living with Martha Stewart but without the college degree (or the millions in personal net worth).  Refined, by Mississippi standards, is how I like to think of Darlene back in the '80s (during my childhood).  She was, at the time, in her late 20s.

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Wives who don't Darlene their abodes are normal.

It took me awhile to realize this, but after just a few short months of being married to my sweet Angie, she effectively beat / threatened it in to me.

The majority of men are really only interested in sex within the home.  And this is because they're men.  For a guy who's made a commitment to marriage, he feels entitled to it.  And on his watch, thank you very much.

So this presents a quagmire.  Who's to keep up the home if the husband / wife / children who reside within have no focus there?

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A little background on my 'rents before I go any further.  My mother grew up in poverty in rural northwest Mississippi.  And when I say rural, I'm referring to - out in the middle of a soybean / cotton field rural - with only a dirt road between the house and nearest highway.

My father grew up not far from that spot, but within the nearest small town (population:  +/-1,500).  The household he grew up in had maids and cooks.  Most of which were men.  These blacks did everything for my father and his 3 brothers, and they didn't leave the house at night 'till the children were asleep in bed.  Essentially, they were indentured servants from the standpoint that were they to fall down on the job, the only other work available to them was out of doors in the Mississippi heat / humidity amongst the laborers within the fields.  My grandmother, when she was present, issued the orders relative to housework, yard maintenance, cooking.  She was excellent at being a hyper critical authoritarian.  Believe me, it was her gift.

So...you put two teenagers together like these two, being reared in these very distinct but dynamically different environments, and you end up with the household I was reared within.

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Now back to answering my question.

The men ought to take the lead here.  You're more physically capable.  Plus, you're the head of the household.

Now, does that mean he's responsible for everything?  No.  But, he should be responsible for the tough items that no one else really wants to handle or can handle with aplomb.

And why is this?

Taking care of your home is a perfect analogy to being involved in Samson Society (when Samson Society hasn't become a social club for you).  It's quality work that gives back over the course of week.  You attend a meeting, stay in touch with your Silas, and your week / marriage is better for it.

Do you want to admit to anyone that you've just spent a couple of hours engaged in housework - vacuuming / mopping, cleaning out toilets, sorting / washing / drying / folding laundry, loading / unloading the dishwasher, dusting, cleaning out the garage, taking out the trash?  No.

Do you want to admit to anyone that you're committed to an organization like Samson Society - its weekly meetings and The Path?  Probably not, unless they're a close friend or perhaps someone you feel compelled to invite.

But if you'll take the lead within your household, hopefully you'll find some help will lovingly fall in line as a result.  Again, not unlike doing the work within Samson Society.  I just feel it's a valid analogy.

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Do you recall a couple of years back, the mainstream S & M films made from cheap, online erotica novels?  I believe they were titled 50 Shades...

The books / films were modeled around the notion that a woman could become romantically captivated to a man who insisted she sign a relationship contract with him.  From what little I know, the contract stipulated the terms of their relationship, and him being the framer of said contract, of course, it was biased towards him, his needs / desires, etc.

It's an age old idea (that's rooted unfortunately in the not so distant past).  Wives as property.  No different than any other asset on the Balance Sheet.

What's not at all surprising is that these books / films were consumed in droves by none other than modern day women.

Of course, it didn't help matters that the protagonists was a self-made billionaire, but I digress.

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So men, do the work.  Set the standard.  Lead by serving your wives well.  Mr. Clean isn't just a fine example of marketing genius, but a secret weapon of many a husband who's itching to bed his gratititous wife.

And keep coming to Samson Society meetings (& communicating with your Silas).  The example you set is just as effective at fostering change / maturity as the work that you're choosing to prioritize.

The Accuser

When I was in 7th grade, I encountered my first (& most noteworthy) accuser at school.  His name was Jim, and he was a few years older than I was.  Jim really enjoyed making me feel worthless by taunting me.  Name calling wasn't his repertoire.  It was mocking.  In fact, I unfortunately can still hear him do this within my mind's eye if I concentrate hard enough.

And of course, he'd set about mocking me amongst my peer group within settings I already felt uncomfortable within, and this amounted to the perfect emotional storm for me.

Jime was the epitome, for Rob, of Accuser, in human form at least.

We also had a neighbor whom chose to similarly give me hell on occasion, but this young man was closer to my age and not nearly as well respected amongst his peers.  Therefore, his taunts never penetrated my heart as effectively as Jim's did.

All and all, Jim was athletic, Type A, handsome, and very articulate.  Hence, he was well respected, if not feared by most everyone around him.  All of this notoriety he used as collateral whilst eeking out what little value any of us lesser "mortals" had at our disposal.

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"LOOK AT HOW PATHETIC / WORTHLESS YOU TRULY ARE!"

And this leads me to Satan, who is the ultimate accuser, and his words as well as his point of view unfortunately, across the board, make a significant impact on men.  I used that word worthlessness earlier in this post, and I must say, that's truly been Lucifer's main focus relative to this attacks on Rob throughout my life.

How best to resist this, besides the usual Scriptural overrides?

When I find myself standing within his line of fire, I try to be cognizant of why he may be so interested in my position as of late.  But this is often tough to do due to the fact that his accusations are so incessant and amplified relative to my systematically mundane mid-life existence.

What's really frightening though about his work is how effective he is at mimicking both the timing and outlook of Jim, my aforementioned childhood accuser.

Let me explain.

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Jim's schemes wouldn't have held water had I not fallen in line with the norm in middle school.  And I did so because I was an obedient child with no interest in rocking the boat.  Also, I trusted the system (school), so to speak, to be the best way forward for me.

And this was key.  Had I not believed enough in myself as well as my surroundings, none of his bullying would have impacted me as powerfully as they did.  In other words, I wanted to become part of the system, allowing it to inhabit me and therefore spell out whatever identity I might glean from it.  Having just stepped out of elementary school into middle school, I was keening interested in towing the line due to the fact that I believed I might find a bit of new self whilst doing so.

Fast forward to today.

God put sweet Angie into my life as an (the only) awesome wife candidate back when I was close to finishing up my final year of college.  She'd been a friend up 'till that point, but our relationship had been long-distance due to her living in Houston, TX.  As you know, we eventually married, and today, that's continued forward to become 23 years of life together, most of which have been spent with our three daughters (we waited almost 6 years to procreate).

There have been times whilst mouthing off during Samson Society meetings that I've exclaimed my fantastical musings of being a porn star in lieu of Christian husband, father, architect, investment advisor, etc., and there's some truth to that rebellious outburst.  And believe it or not, I have no doubt that I'd likely be a successful gay porn star given the right opportunities, taking into consideration just how intensely demanding my flesh truly is.

Antithetical extremes, don't you think?  Dedicated family man to gay porn star.  Nevertheless, they serve as realistic boundaries (this day and age) on each end of my heart's "playing field".

Therefore, whom I typically find stationed on the sidelines relative to each of these identities, is my accuser persistently bombarding me with maleficence regarding the one I've so chosen - for such a time as this (today).  This being the identity (dedicated family man) which happens to be firmly embedded within an Endzone that at times never feels quite correct.  And this is especially true right now.

Why now?

I believe Satan's timing is linked to what he can see holistically that I cannot.  Obviously, the devil is a supernatural being who's the ruler of this world - "Prince of the Power of the Air" - or somesuch according to Scripture.  To be more specific, he's bound to be privy to how vulnerable my family situation is at this time, especially considering my oldest two daughters being teens (16 & 14).  Not to mention how massively busy my wife's workload is as an CPA.  I cite these examples in reference to my standing within our home as the patriarchal anchor.  How much pain / discord / mistrust would ensue were that anchor to be removed or dislodged due to Rob doing / participating in stupid or worse, by wholeheartedly allowing my faith to topple in light of this demonic belittlement?

Do you catch my drift?  But, oh Lord Jesus, how beat down by these accusations do I feel today!

Why does the more saccharine end of the playing field not feel correct - at times - for Rob?  Again, it's all rooted in that god forsaken word - worthlessness. 

It's frightening to be in the line of fire during this season.  Thanks be to God for Samson Society and the community of men who speak accurately into this mid-life Christian man! 

Lagniappe

What Exactly Are You Looking For Whilst Consuming Salacious Material?

I would argue that it's respect.  Respect for your own self first and foremost.

Many men (pagan or otherwise) never realize this, and why should they?  Instead, they simply pontificate about what it is they're drawn to within salacious photographic material.  And this day and age, thanks to the Internet, this can go on ad nauseum (just as the material itself can).

Of course, most boys spend some time consuming salacious material simply due to the newness of it all coupled with hormones.  Teenage boys = case in point = normal.

I believe most Christian men simply stop thinking clearly post consumption.  The guilt and shame are too much, thoroughly gumming up their synapses.  Most have been reared in environments that are such sexuality discourse vacuums that they're unequipped to even begin to handle the Pandora's Box that's been opened by said salacious photographic material.  A number of individuals cite this developmental neglect whilst describing their ramping up towards their inevitable addiction.  Perhaps.  I do know that there's a massive vulnerability there, and it's rooted in simply ill equipped Christian men facing one of the, if not the most culturally amplified identifier there is sans any real knowledge of what they're facing from the standpoint of what it's doing to them and why.

"Are you gay?  Straight?  A virgin?  Have you had sex with her / him?"

"How's your sex life?  What are you doing to make yourself more attractive?  Do you feel attractive today?"

Sex has become the the lens within our western culture that we've chosen to see humanity through, therefore due to the ubiquity of cultural influence, we find ourselves using it within a similar vein.  It's almost impossible not to.

So that's two issues at stake here, one rooted in emotions fueled by blatant, childlike ignorance and the other fueled by circumstance / setting.

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There is little respect from outside sources this day and age relative to simply being a man, and one could argue this is well deserved due to men's penchant to abuse, neglect, strongarming both women, children, and other men in order to please themselves.  But too, due to our present day global "knowledge economy", the specific attributes of being men - physical attributes in particular - do not automatically appoint us to serve as the breadwinner / protector / fighter - this day and age - within our households.  Instead, our vocational roles (& therefore familial roles), at least, have become equalized across the board.

Something else to consider.  Biblically, men are called to serve (their wives firstly), but most men within our culture cannot identify any part of themselves on any level with scripture.  Why is this?

Because the Bible is God's Word.  Written word.  In book form.

My how different the world of men would be had God either utilized a Netflix series to relay his plan for his created world or hired a couple of NFL teams to spell it out during a pre-game show!

Two more issues at stake.  Men's masculine roles being massively infringed upon / squeezed / diluted coupled with the ignorance of men relative to their cursory understanding of God's expectations for them.

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"Stave off every sin option!"  That's what my friend would say.  "Stop fertilizing that particular row of your mental garden.  Cut off that route."  You get the picture.  And it makes sense, but there's that root problem that's not being addressed.  The one that points back to the title of this post.  And I hate asking this question because it's so hard to admit to needing to be answered.

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When I was a boy (only child), a good neighborhood friend (also an only child) would have me over to his house much more often than me returning the favor likewise.  In looking back, this was because I much more enjoyed time over there than time at my own home (w/ my friend in tow).  And this was rooted in what I saw / experienced of his household and how vastly different it was than my own.

My friend's father was, by today's standards, a dirty, old man.  He was the antithesis of what I was used to seeing within my boyhood world.  The man actually looked dirty, if you know what I mean.  His skin was leathery and tan with a few murky green tattoos scattered about.  He drank whiskey and told dirty jokes.  And he was always sitting in his recliner over in the corner of their small den flipping through channels on their CRT TV as furniture.

But the most interesting thing about this man was his willingness to dialogue with us boys.  Not about school or toys, Boy Scouting (my friend and I were in the same cub scout troop) or church, but women and wine, sex and all things profane.  It was shocking at first to be around this, but so different than another friend's dad who simply laid silently on their couch all the time corpse-like.  The man was motionless whilst staring at the TV, never once acknowledging our presence as we traversed silently to and fro through their small den.

By today's standards / expectations, my friend's dad (if he were still living) would represent the ultimate politically incorrect caricature of a man, but I would argue, also by today's standards, that my memory of him embodies the perpetual anchoring of truth, relative to true manhood, from the angle of who we all would like on some level to grow up to be.  And this I believe was true despite his crustiness and unrefined influence.  I mean, you certainly had to work to see through that perimeter, but from there, he was simply to be respected.  Plus, he had a wonderful sense of humor and was genuinely a fun-loving older man.  Below is a photo of the mid '80s 4Runner.  He had one of these (it was navy blue with a black top) with a Dukes of Hazzard horn.

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1.  If you're going to love and love well, you must firstly love yourself as the man God created you to be.  And that internal love is rooted in respect (for yourself).  2.  Despite our culture's choosing to elevate sexuality as its language / rating system for life in general, we're absolutely not wise to follow suit, but as men, especially Christian men, we should be moreso enlightened to why this is effectively so (& its affecting role on us) more than anyone else.  And from there, I would argue, peace settles in, and we're sort of "in on the childishness of it all" if you know what I mean.

3.  Now, when it comes to my third point, it's simply the reality we live in.  Some guys experience a lot of background feedback from this equalization paradigm, but overall, the key, in my experience, is always tied to who exactly you're working / living with in this vein and how you're treated in turn / given an opportunity to treat / serve in return.  Specific ingredients make the recipe either soar or fall flat.

4.  And finally, here we are back at the beginning relative to acknowledging an understanding of God's word and how it can be applied to our lives today as Christians.

As an aside, my Silas and I meet weekly and we're embarking this year on taking some time to study specifics on certain Biblical men including:   

-  Moses

-  Joshua

-  Job

-  David

-  Daniel

-  Paul

-  Barnabas

I'm tasked with coming up with five questions that will be used to analyze each well.

Lagniappe

Material Wealth & The Subsequent Security and Blind Loyalty Many Wives Embrace

When I was in between my freshman and sophomore years at Mississippi State, I sold Chrysler / Plymouth / Alfa Romeos at Howard Wilson Chrysler / Plymouth in Jackson, MS.  That was the summer of '91.  I was 19 years old, weighed probably 120 lbs and knew stats / the ins & outs of the automobile industry like most teenage boys nowadays know pornstars via Tube sites.

I was a commiserate automobile aficionado way before I knew what the word aficionado meant.  Toronado (Oldsmobile) yes, aficionado, not so much.

I remember distinctly approaching a man who drove onto the lot in his Bayerische Motoren Werke AG automobile.  Back in 1991, there weren't nearly as many BMWs on the road here in Jackson, MS due to the fact that at the time, BMW only imported a fraction of cars to the USA for retail sell.

Mr. Dick, as we'll refer to him going forward, was confident and cocky.  His tousled blonde hair and blue eyes fit perfectly into his preppie, assertive style.  I'd say at the time, he was in his mid-30s, and he was there that day to scope out one particular minivan make and model for his wife.

Prior to discerning his motive, we chatted briefly before he asked me some semblance of the following:  "Do you believe any of these cars are in anyway equal to what I drove onto this car lot?"

How does a 19 year-old car salesman answer that?

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Mortgaging a home is a big deal.  It takes time and a heady decision relative to where exactly you're going to invest.  And home buying is an investment.  There's no doubt that unlike automobiles, it's an appreciating asset (most of the time).

So what's to be done when you find that your stuck with nosy, complaining, neglectful, annoying, or downright mentally ill neighbors?

For 7 years, I served as our homeowners' association president within our current 'hood.  We've lived in this same 'hood within this same house for almost 20 years.  Therefore, I know firsthand how challenging neighboring relationships can become year after year after year relative to involving certain individuals.

That being said, what do you do when you're invested in a single family home within an established neighborhood, yet you're having to constantly deal with the nosiness, complaints, abject neglect, annoyances, and sometimes outright lunacy (besides notify the HOA)?

I'll tell you what you do because I've witnessed (& lived) it.  You wrestle and hand-wring.  That's what you do.  And all the while, you feel taken advantage of and oftentimes trapped.

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A few weeks into the future, Howard Wilson Chrysler Plymouth obtained two flagship minivans, the infamous Chrysler Town & Country.  And that's when I immediately notified Mr. Dick, knowing this particular make / model was exactly what he wanted to purchase.

I remember it like it was yesterday, watching his German sports sedan yet again drive onto the lot, all along knowing that I had carried through with his specific instructions to reach out to him "just as soon" as one of these specific Chrysler vehicles graced our lot.

This time around, he had his wife with him.  She was quiet and reserved and obviously anticipating what her vain hubby had for her to inspect.

Upon opening up the van, I watched both of them climb inside.  The new car smell was particularly intense on this hot summer afternoon as I watched them run their hands over the Corinthian leather seats whilst digging their heels into the thick cutpile carpeting.

And then Mr. Dick asked another telling question, but this time it was directed towards his wife.

"Is this one nicer than what Susan drives?"

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Mentally / emotionally healthy women are typically averse to risky behavior.  In particular within relationships with men.  Instead, they gravitate towards safe and secure relative to many / most of the choices they make.  Safe and secure men, for most women, are typically financially stable (or on their way to being) with an obvious commitment to being consistently secured relative to temperament, goals, interests, etc.

Material wealth brings with it mucho opportunities to flaunt it / gloat ones lifestyle within our western culture.  And women, in particular, are heavily, heavily marketed to in this regard.  From single family homes to automobiles, fashion to jewelry, developers, manufacturers, and retailers spend a fortune attempting to position themselves as the status defining purchase.

I distinctly remember back in the early '90s when Lexus automobiles became the status symbol to drive, and watching women whom happened to attend our church, motor around town in these very distinct, extremely fashionable overpriced Toyotas.

Within a similar vein, I have witnessed the impact a massive diamond pendant can make, hanging around the neck of a man's wife on a svelte gold chain.  Believe me, it gets your attention.

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But what if her husband is essentially some version of the aforementioned Mr. Dick?  And not just from the standpoint of his obvious arrogance and repugnant sense of entitlement, but relative to his private life.  What if he's continually taking advantage of his high earner status by feigning, exploiting, abusing her trust in the security he provides in droves time and time again?

What if she's had children with Mr. Dick, and they're not privy (yet) to who he really is?

To be more specific, what if he's taking full advantage of her and subsequently, no longer cares to face his indulgent behavior as anything other than part of their relational dynamic?

What then?

I believe most women hunker down, emboldened and ashamed, and fall headlong into constructing their broken identity through purchase after purchase after purchase.  And they do so in an effort to construct such a beautiful lifestyle illusion that no one would dare infer that the marriage she's saddled with is and always has been one big joke.

I have no doubt that women get hurt far more via divorce than men do.  Plus, their chances of future happiness are much less if they go through with the D word.  The emotional toil affects her health, breeds further insecurity and so forth.  It's a bad, bad deal for them that serves as the antithesis of that lovely wedding day in June.

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So what can a woman do to preempt falling into this trap?

Easy.

Never, ever, ever under any circumstances allow yourself to become enchanted by luxury goods.  Do whatever it takes to keep your worth / value as a woman absolutely, completely divorced from where you live, what you drive, what your husband does, what kind of jewelry / clothes you wear, and so on.  So much so ladies, that you intentionally live well below your means.

Let me say that again.  So much so ladies, that you intentionally live well below your means.

Take the money that he earns and invest it in your church, charities, and so on, but do not ever, ever, ever sink it into a piece of shit Chrysler product in order to keep up with the Joneses.  Otherwise, you're choosing to enslave yourself by severely compromising your sovereignty as your husband's helpmeet.  And this will no doubt be your demise.

Samson Society Wives' Retreat

These Damn Women!

My father's mother was argumentative, abrasive, and patronizing.  The woman intimated everyone by consistently settling on a modus operandi that was as such.  Her position within the Turner family fueled this behavior, and that made sense to me, but when I began to encounter these same traits within much younger woman when I was in college, this is when I truly began to scratch my head in confusion.

Eventually though, I did start making attempts to put 2 + 2 together in my head by asking the question, why?  Why define yourself this way as a young (or older) woman, particularly within an environment where you're essentially forced to live, recreate, and be educated together?  In other words, why wouldn't you just want to get along?

Amy was the first college student I encountered as such.  I was a freshman, she was a senior.  Brilliant young woman.  She was in the veterinary program at MSU, but man did she intimidate with her attitude / persona.  I remember vividly watching her verbally assault a fellow student (male), cursing and screaming all the way during a Bulldog pep rally one Friday afternoon.  It was intensely awkward to witness yet riveting to behold.  I had never been party to anything like it.  She was fearless in her attack.  Literally like a pit bulldog tearing its prey limb from limb.

There's a bumper sticker that reads "Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History".  Where did this come from, and why would any woman gloat their chutzpah as such by adorning the rear of her truck with such a phrase?

Do you remember the Bible character whose wife kept leaving him in order to prostitute herself?  She did this over and over again, and yet, he'd go after her prior to bringing her back home.  As a Sunday School lesson, this is often seen as analogous to Christ and his Church (being his stubborn, yet relentlessly pursued bride).  But I believe there are other lessons here too, of a more pragmatic nature.

I believe some women are set on self-destruct just as certain men are, but their form of self-destruction is characterized by an overpowering urge to isolate themselves from everyone, every institution, every demand that's thrown at them.  And the most effective means of isolating is via their argumentative, abrasive, and patronizing approach.

What are we as men to do with these damn women?

Not yield.  That's for sure.  No, we must demand they care for themselves firstly by no longer isolating / using methodology to garner an isolated state.

My grandmother died alone.  She was in her late 80s, full of bitterness and rage, even going so far as attempting suicide over familial "threats" to put her in a nursing home.  (She did this by slicing open her wrists with kitchen knives).

My mother in-law is headed down the exact same road, and she's in her early 80s.

Isolation kills, my friend.  Male or female.  I believe this is one of the most effective deceptions Satan uses on mankind.

Masculine / Feminine

Modern buildings cannot support themselves without structural members tied to a foundation.  It's the starting point of construction.  Prior to the industrial revolution, structural members within a building consisted primarily of the walls themselves.  Hence they were dubbed load bearing walls.  These walls were very thick (particularly at the base) and at times had buttresses designed in to reinforce their solidarity.  Because the entire wall was supporting the roof and floors above, the wall could only be described as a system which was tightly enmeshed relative to structure, interior finish, and exterior envelope.  Master tradesmen executed these designs with very few drawings / specs and oversight.

Today, very few commercial buildings utilize a structural system that consists of load bearing walls exclusively.  The reasoning behind this is primarily scale of fenestration (doors / windows) limitations as well as building height.  In lieu of load bearing walls, today's buildings are supported primarily via structural steel and / or poured in place concrete frames.  From an architectural standpoint, the modern structural system is seen as a necessary evil.  Steel columns are typically encapsulated within wall cavities underneath spray-on fireproofing while roof trusses are typically given the cold shoulder in lieu of precisely symmetrical HVAC ductwork and exposed cable trays.  Concrete work isn't eschewed quite as severely, though rarely do you see structural concrete work left exposed to the interior sans extensive finish touch up.  In other words, it's assumed that structure for structure's sake isn't to be celebrated much less respected in the least.  Instead, it's the frou frou that takes center stage.  That being, interior finishes and envelope design.  For pete's sake, even furnishings get more respect!  But, no one can argue that without structural systems, there would be no architecture, much less buildings of any type.

As we used to say in architecture school, the sky crane has yet to be invented!

This 21st century architectural reality is identical to the sexual roles we're faced with today in our western culture.  Imagine structural systems (steel framing / concrete and steel foundations or the aforementioned load bearing walls) being a metaphor for masculinity whilst all the interior finishes and envelope (including wall framing) to be a metaphor for femininity.  One might argue that one of the primary identifiers of a building as shelter is its envelope relative to watertightness and interior comfort, but no one can dispute the plinth of existing that is a building's structural system.  Yet, the structural system can be hidden and still perform admirably, and as I stated earlier, in today's architecture, it very rarely isn't. This is certainly not the case for the building envelope.  It is always in clear view.

In today's culture, men and women are equal and completely independent of each other, yet in the Bible, man was created by God prior to his helpmeet, woman, being formed from the rib of the man. The Bible doesn't address their roles initially in any more detail than what I just wrote, but it's clear that after the Fall, the masculine and feminine become more pronounced due to the paradigm shift that inevitably occurred.  What did that look like?  I don't care to speculate, but I feel that both Adam and Eve became much more defined in their complementarian sex roles.

If you want to damage a female or locate a damaged female, abandon one at a young age or find one who's been abandoned by a patriarchal figure.  Many (if not all) lesbians have patriarchal abandonment issues.  That being said, many lesbians aren't sexually attracted to other women despite the fact that they prefer to partner with them.  For those who aren't, they choose to be with other women in order to find emotional support that's in no way connected or dependent upon men. This is their method of coping with the trauma associated with the patriarchal abandonment, alleviating the risk entirely of experiencing said trauma again.

There is nothing that defines femininity more than their dependence on the masculine - by definition.  When this dependence is exploited by males, females suffer tremendous emotional consequences.

The feminine wouldn't exist without the masculine. They are byproducts of our existence.  To be feminine is to be in need of support.  Sometimes that's physical but mostly it's spiritual, economic, and emotional.  The latter is more of an anchor than anything else, albeit, some men do this better than others.  Women are forbidden to preach and teach to men.  It's cut and dry in God's word.  The feminine is beautiful and protective and nurturing.  It's fashionable and fluid to the point of being in many cases, seductive.  But, that being said, the feminine can be crushed easily, resulting in devastation.

It is a delicately balanced relationship that's harmonious whilst being firmly planted in righteousness.  To God be the glory for creating woman out of man.  She is amazing to behold.

The Religious Wife & Her Husband of Ill Repute

Religious wives who choose to remain with husbands who've participated in sexual sin, by definition, may very well do so for the sole purpose of persecuting him for what he's either admitted to taking part in or getting caught in taking part in.

Some of these women can be classified as viragos.  I've seen it, and essentially, from my point of view, it's her exploiting a marital relationship in order for her husband to suffer by her hand "'till death do us part".

We all enjoy watching others suffer.  It's one of the reasons behind our fascination with news / current events television.  When you're "in the know" relative to others pain, either through journalism or gossip, it can instantly seem to elevate one's sense of well-being by gratifying that part of us that detest self-examination (by distraction).

A religious wife may say, "I don't know the you who's done these things", or she simply may stay tight-lipped about the entire situation, to the point of completely disregarding the man's need for recovery (through Samson Society or otherwise).

Religion is tangible.  There is order there, and this plays into a wife's need for security.  But religion, as we know from Scripture, is empty / fruitless.  It promotes pride which is the ultimate demerit against our Heavenly Father.

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Now there's another piece to this, and that's the sexual side of these couple's marriages.

Religion in no way promotes pleasurable activity within the marriage bed because the emphasis is always on moral / spiritual superiority coupled with an almost repugnant view of the flesh.  There's plenty of instruction on obedience and holiness, but none related to oral sex, heavy petting, or butt play because the two simply cannot coexist.  Oral sex, heavy petting, and butt play promote vulnerability and shameless physical pleasure between husband and wife.  These awesome activities promote unity by helping marriages heal systematically as they endure the repetitive grind.

But religion isn't interested in healing.  Not really.  Because when healing occurs, there's that loss of power and control over the failed spouse and that intoxicating sense of moral superiority / opportunity for persecution.

Marriage is a joining of two into one.  One flesh.  Husband and wife.  Man and woman.  It's a amazingly complex, supernatural work.  There are Biblical standards for marriages to end in divorce.  It's all written in Scripture, but if a couple chooses to work through sexual sin, the scenario I've described here must be avoided at all costs.  Otherwise, you'll simply end up with a husband who's walking through life with a boot on his neck.  And that's in no way in line with the respect he needs to thrive as his wife's husband.

It's A Woman's World! [But I'm not a woman.] Thank God for Nate Larkin!

Women are drawn to all manner of things that provide feelings of security.  Men are drawn to all manner of things that provide feelings of respect.  These two truths are determinants for so much in our world today.  They represent the why of how our western culture works.

Within our technologically laden, post-industrialized, free enterprise society, catering to fulfilling women's emotional need for security is the end goal of institutions, corporations, churches, etc.  They won't ever admit to this, but it's how they operate.

Years ago, a friend of mine disclosed that his wife chose a particular SUV make / model due to the inclusion of a sizable electronic touchscreen in the dash.  The screen displayed maps and had virtual buttons and so forth.  There were plenty of lesser models that were just the same size / motivated by the same engine, but it was the illusion of security that the electronics provided that sealed the deal for them.  Therefore, they gladly spent in excess of $15K more for this particular model.

I'm convinced the entire SUV craze is an end result of women's need for security.  The SUV sits higher up from the road and subsequently feels safer to her and her family due to its size / shape / design.  Today, women purchase as much or more automobiles than men, therefore the manufacturers cater to their needs firstly.  It's genius of them to do so.  If you're as interested as I was earlier this week in seeing Car & Driver's take on the 20 ugliest SUVs, click here.

At this time in history, automobiles (not taking inflation into account) are more expensive than ever due to their SUV scale and all of this integrated tech (hyper convenience / safety).  Nevertheless, consumers are not daunted to put down the necessary cash / go into debt for something that feels more and more secure, and the manufacturers + their shareholders are loving it!

Secondly, let's take a looksee at the pocket computer (cellphone).

Who exactly were these devices made for?

Originally, the mobile phone was for security.  There's no denying that.  But then came the pocket computer (iPhone) that also happened to function as a mobile phone.  Today, social media is the primary function of pocket computers.  Social media, I would argue, would not have near the global penetration if our planet were only populated with men.

There is nothing technologically that provides more effectively feelings of security than social media.  The notion of being connected to a ginormous community of algorithmically vetted individuals (of your "choosing") that's constantly contracting and expanding is the ultimate security safety net.  And this community is right at your fingertips 24/7 - 365 days a year 'till you die!

I have friends whose wives spend upwards of 9 hours a day on social media.  Now that's meeting some needs!

And lastly, there's religion or parachurch organizations.  Both operate similarly.

If women are the target audience, the organization will typically grow.  Of course, this should be one of the end goals.  Please know too that I'm not saying God isn't using some of these.  That's not my point here.  My focus here is understanding the target audience whom also happens to play a sizable role in the decision making.

Let's consider two parachurch organizations.

Back in the late '70s, Dr. James Dobson launched his radio ministry, Focus on the Family from southern California.  Dobson's ministry skyrocketed in growth across the globe as he wrote books to support his commentary on Biblical family life.  Dr. Dobson's demeanor / presentation was (& still is) the epitome of intelligent, stabilizing soothe.  That's the best way I know to describe it.  He represented the antithesis of a shock jock in every sense of the word.  Therefore, women flocked to support his work, and it became a global phenomenon - almost overnight.  It was their daily dose of personified Christian security, centered squarely at the western woman needs as well as her perceived needs of her family.

At some point in the past 10 years, Mr. Nate Larkin launched the Samson Society, a ministry for men who are looking for authentic community.  In tandem with the launch also came a book, Samson and the Pirate Monks.  Nate is intelligent and passionate about building community, but the last thing he seeks to convey to anyone through this ministry, which he started in middle Tennessee, is intelligent, stabilizing soothe.  And that's a ubiquitous truth regarding Nate.  You'll often hear him talk about how tough his marriage is as of late due to his wife's ongoing medical issues, or he'll mention how needy he truly is (begrudgingly) as it pertains to being within the company of his brothers within Samson.  Nate is usually dressed for comfort and not for appearance, with a ballcap on his head.  The podcasts that he and Aaron Porter produce are low production resulting in almost accidental-feeling diatribes.  Hence, security is absolutely not in anyway shape or form what he's expertly conveying to the masses.  Really, in many ways, it's the opposite of that entirely.  Therefore, neither Nate himself nor his ministry, the Samson Society, appeals on any level to women-folk, and I would argue that simple truth is why he's garnered the respect that he has as a leader of men.

What an unusually anamolous gift the Samson Society is to men today.  May God continue to use it to support men through relational accountability within authentic Christian community!

And the Two Shall Become One Flesh

Marriage, according to Scripture, is about melding two individuals together.  Of course, intercourse is a beautiful picture of this, but there's more to it besides what occurs within the marriage bed.

A close Samson friend of mine carries a cellphone provided to him by his employer.  This phone is his sole pocket computer, choosing to not supplement it with a personal one.  He shared with me that  he was having some issues with the cellphone, therefore he sat down with his employer's I.T. personnel for help. 

The I.T. staffer asked him why he had an app on the phone titled "Covenant Eyes" which had been given electronic permission to generate a VPN (Virtual Private Network).  He replied by telling his colleague that the app was there to serve as a sentinel program, monitoring all of his browsing activity in order to generate weekly content reports that were emailed to his wife / accountability partners.

The I.T. staffer responded by asking my friend, why would you allow that? 

Smut is consumed primarily via the World Wide Web, and arguably, the most convenient means to do so is via pocket computers because it's a battery-powered window that you can use wherever you have a cellular / WiFi connection.  Therefore, if you're looking to identify the soft underbelly of a man's smut conduits, his pocket computer is it.

So, back to my friend's colleague's question, why would you allow that?

For the same reason (within a marriage) you put a joint checking account in place rather than having individual ones.  For the same reason you share a home, and a bed, and rear children together.

Consuming smut impacts marriage.  If it's being done behind a spouse's back, I would argue the impact is amplified.

This is no different than consuming smut at home via Pay-Per-View through the cable system prior to paying the monthly bill discreetly, or hiring prostitutes to have sex with you and paying them with cash that's unaccounted for within your marriage.

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My wife is a CPA who owns her own firm which she runs out of our home.  Over the past 5 to 6 months, she's been inundated with work.  Literally, she's at it day and night, nonstop.  Therefore, considering my workload (+/-40 hours per week), I gladly do what I can at home to keep our household in order.  Thankfully, our house isn't sizable, and our daughters are old enough to help out tremendously, but there's still an awful lot of yard and house work, not to mention food prep that I must stay in front of.  This setup frustrates Angie because she feels constrained by her workload, and at times even despondent over how demanding it is.

For me, as a 46 year old husband, I'm fine with it, even taking it on as a challenge.  But, I can tell you that were I 28 and newly married, it would be a different story altogether.

Look back at the title to this blog post and notice the words "Shall Become".

This implies process.  And process takes time coupled with supernatural effort.

For my young friend to yield as he did to this process so early on in his marriage is remarkably mature, but arguably much more difficult to execute due to his youth.

Covenant Eyes is a wonderful resource for merging ones into two.  Consider using it today, and go about doing whatever you can to promote this "Shall Becoming" within your marriage.

Helpmeet

If you have the privilege of being a husband to a wife, her role in your life will no doubt either promote or work against interdependence.  A complementarian view of marriage is what I'm basing my thoughts on here with interdependence being the end goal.

If a man is drawn towards being involved in an authentic community like Samson Society, he must have a wife who's in agreement with this.  If her opinion of Samson Society ever wavers, that's going to present a problem.

Involvement in Samson Society is going to provoke change within the husband via the power of the Holy Spirit.  It's also going to force the man to face parts of himself that he'd rather not.  Undoubtedly, there'll be no way for him to do this without taking his relationship with his wife into account at present, her role in his life, their collective story, etc.

She's going to sense this provocation and from there, going to be forced to do something with it, and that doing will likely be in line with how she's operated within her husband's life in the past.

Old habits die hard.  Whether they're good or bad.

This can get especially complicated when the man's wife is not within any sort of healthy Christian community herself.  Hence, the marriage is now lopsided with one party heavily influenced by outsiders and the work they're attempting to do via the Holy Spirit's leading.

One thing I attempt to do with many of the men whom darken the door of the Lakeside Pres Samson Society is soon thereafter invite both he (if he's a husband) and his wife to our home for dinner.  I find that this can serve her well relative to hearing our story (mine & Angie's) firsthand and having an opportunity to ask any questions of us in real time.

Ultimately, our wives play an enormous role in our recovery, and yes, there are times when her lack of buy in of Samson Society should most definitively trump her husband's.  Husbands need wives to look with them at heady decisions like committing to a men's ministry such as Samson Society.

Thanks be to God for our wives!