Those Wounds Are No More

Earlier this year, I was appointed to serve on a volunteer board for a local nonprofit.  All of our active board members (6 individuals) had to take part in some overarching (annual) training yesterday, (4/29), and that training grouped us together with a number of other "affiliate (localized - statewide) boards" that duly represent this national org throughout the Magnolia State.

The training was most of the day, starting around 8 AM at a local community college's workforce training center, and overall, there were around 50 volunteers present, representing most regions of Mississippi.

Within the first minute or two of finding my seat, I realized the former Human Resources Director from Delta State University (the institution I was terminated from in September of 2013 for breaking their IT policy) had also sat down.  Her table was at a 90-degree angle to my own, therefore I was literally within her direct line of sight.  No doubt she was there representing the Cleveland, MS affiliate as a volunteer board member herself.

I hadn't seen this woman but for just a few short minutes since my termination, and that was in 2015, therefore A LOT of water had passed under the bridge since then.

-------------------------

This past Thursday, (4/28) during my weekly "Make Thursdays Great Again" virtual Samson Society meeting, an old friend (I met him at Lakeside Pres in '09) also attended.  Having never had anyone else from Mississippi join this virtual group, it was so cool having him there.  Especially considering his abode is only +/-3 miles from my own here in Rankin County (where he too was Zooming in).

Mr. Justin Schwind, "Make Thursdays Great Again" facilitator, made my invited friend feel welcome, and as usual, it was a great Samson Society meeting (+/-25 attendees) with the word being "false self".

What's really special about this is me, taking into account how long I've sang the praises of Samson Society to this friend, is now seeing both his schedule (allowing him to participate) and desire coalescence.

Too, this man was the first parishioner at Lakeside Presbyterian Church that I told my story to.  And as a result, he didn't shun me.  In fact, the opposite actually occurred which was very unexpected at the time.

As such, for many years, he and I would make a point to supplement our time together at church with a lunch or two, on occasion, but after the Turners' return from Cleveland, MS (immediately following my termination in 2013), I found that his life circumstances had ratcheted up considerably.  That combined with my shame over what had gone down in the immediate past, made for an easy series of excuses to leave him be.

-------------------------

I immediately rose from my seat and made my way over to my former Delta State University colleague.  Today, this woman is in her mid to late 60s, and as I was doing so, I remembered sending her an apology letter (not long after my termination and subsequent return to the Jackson Metro) where I revealed how intimidating she was to Rob.

Yesterday morning, she wasn't intimidating in the least.  In fact, she actually looked really tired.  Almost to the point of concern.  

It took her a few seconds to recognize me (my stick-on name tag helped) before she cracked her stock wry smile.  We spoke our pleasantries, and then I returned to my seat, nary a blip in increased blood pressure.  

Surprisingly, I didn't think one additional thought about her from that point forward.  

Throughout the all-day training class, with her sitting just a few feet from me, it was as if we'd almost never worked together during that very challenging year of my life.

-------------------------

After the "Make Thursdays Great Again" virtual Samson Society meeting concluded (around 8 PM CST), I sent my old Mississippi friend a few follow-up text messages before signing off for the evening.

And just a quick sidenote:  Earlier this week, I was really missing some of the face-to-face Samson guy interactions I've had conveniently available to me in the past.  As such, I felt God speak into my life regarding this, reminding me to trust him with it completely.

Of course, I have to wonder where all of this is leading with my newly reconnected Mississippi friend.  Will he take to Samson Society as I did - long-term?  Is the timing truly right for him to in this regard?  What about our friendship?  Will it blossom further, for such a time as this?  

-------------------------

Having had the powerfully humbling experience I had Friday with my former colleague from DSU, I wouldn't be able to doubt God with my decried needs (nor my aforementioned questions) even if I tried.

It is remarkable how closely our God knows our true self, mediates for us, heals us.

My faith continues to grow as he demonstrates his hands-on care for Rob.  His love for me is more real than it's ever been, and I can only have expectant hope for more to come.

Be In Prayer For The Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society Retreat Attendees

Mr. Don Waller is facilitating a weekend Samson Society retreat - THIS WEEKEND.  Be in prayer for this event.  I know many Samson newbies will be in attendance, and it's those men who'll surely find the experience to be healing, enriching, and sustaining.  

(I believe) there's not been a Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society retreat since 2019.  Hence, this one is long overdue.

So many Samson guys will surely be blessed.  Thanks so much.

Recommended Viewing - I Took Ms. Ginny Owens On A Date Back In The Early '90s. What A Gift To Have Had That Experience With Her Here In Jackson, Mississippi

Recommended Reading

Me, Myself, and Lies: The Spiritual Dangers of Isolation | Desiring God

Do You Feel Threatened?

If someone is willing to arouse in you feelings of fear of rejection (by them), whether that someone is relationally connected to you on a familial or platonic level, there's no doubt something you've done (or position you've taken) that makes that individual very uncomfortable.  And based on my experience, the more undiluted that conviction (fueling that something), the greater - proportionally - their threats to modify the parameters of their relationship with you.  

When their feelings of uncomfortableness are clearly justified (righteously via conviction), all the more reason for you to stand your ground.  Do not back down.  No matter how intensely you might fear their rejection.  No matter how much is "on the line". 

Remember that it's more important for those within your sphere of influence to repent than it is for them to like or even accept you.  Their eternal story overshadows everything else.  Always.

You may be the best conduit for funneling the voice of the Holy Spirit due to your longstanding relational connection (as a son, daughter, parent, uncle, aunt, grandmother, grandfather, best friend, and so forth).  Use it humbly to their advantage, praying constantly for God's guidance.

And always, always rise above their threats.  

"Betrayal Trauma" By Mr. Max Morton

 I remember a Sunday night in church when I was six or seven years old. I was in a small class with some other kids and the teacher was quizzing us about the Disciples of Christ. She was asking us questions like, “Which disciple was a tax collector before he followed Jesus?” “Which disciple had a twin?” “Who was the disciple Jesus loved?”

Being a church kid (back when kids went to church on Sunday night, and Wednesday night) my competitive adrenaline was flowing and I wanted to show the teacher and the other kids I was the smartest Bible kid in the room. But I kept being tripped up on two questions the teacher asked. “Which disciple denied Jesus?” and “Which disciple betrayed Jesus?”

The teacher would ask me, “Which disciple betrayed Jesus?” I would answer “Peter” and she would say, “No, Peter denied Jesus.” It would come back around to my turn and she would ask “Which disciple denied Jesus?” and I would say “Judas.” I realize now that the reason I kept missing the questions was not because I didn’t know who Peter and Judas were, but because I didn’t know the meaning of the words betrayal and denial.

Unfortunately, now I am painfully aware of the meaning of both words. I know, first hand like Peter, what it means to pretend you don’t know Jesus when it suits the purpose of saving your skin, or your reputation. I know, like Judas, what it means to be driven by my own agenda, to deceive, to pretend to love and follow, when in reality I am scheming, manipulative and willing to sell someone out with a kiss.

I have done both.

Therapists have a thing they call “betrayal trauma.” Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea. When a person is betrayed, the reaction varies from person to person but involves responses such as these. Betrayal causes trauma. 

When my wife discovered my porn addiction it caused her “betrayal trauma” to add to the long list of trauma she had previously had to navigate in her life. I didn’t realize at the time what I had dumped on her. I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish we had been able to have conversations about how my betrayal traumatized her. Sadly, part of the response to this trauma was a strained relationship which ultimately ended in divorce. Our marriage has been over for more than three years now. I haven’t seen, spoken to her or had any contact with her for over two years. But I dreamt about her last night. Maybe I have some trauma still to be healed from the fall out of our relationship? Could I be in denial about my betrayal? I’m no different from Judas and Peter.

But when I think about that Sunday night in that classroom of kids learning about the people that followed Jesus, I desire to be more like Peter than Judas. Judas ended his own life because he couldn’t handle dealing with life because of what he did. He couldn’t get past the condemnation of his past.

By contrast, even though Peter denied even knowing Jesus (with cursing) three separate times went on to live in freedom from his sin. What was the difference between Peter and Judas? I believe Judas was a pawn of Satan, used in his evil plan to get rid of Jesus. John records at the last supper when Judas left to put the plan in motion, “the devil entered him.” Peter was restored to fellowship with Christ. In John 21 the resurrected Jesus appeared to his disciple again on the shore of the Sea of Galilee. There he had a conversation with Peter reversing his denial. Three times Peter denied Jesus, three times Jesus asked Peter if he loved him. When Peter answered in the affirmative each time Jesus followed with “feed my sheep.” A three-fold denial, a three-fold recovery and commissioning. This was why Peter in Acts 2 was able to interpret the actions of the Spirit and boldly declare the word of God resulting in over 3000 souls converted and added to the number of those following Jesus.

In my mind’s eye I go back to that classroom where six year old Max didn’t know the difference between Peter and Judas. Now I know the difference. Now I choose to follow Jesus like Peter, a restored son of the sovereign Lord.

Recommended Viewing

Recommended Reading - "Implicit Memories" excerpt. Authored by Mr. Curt Thompson (Anatomy Of The Soul)

“Making sense of your own implicit memories" 

Think back to a conversation you may recently have had with your child, the one in which you lost your temper.  Or the e-mail from your boss that seemed to confirm your suspicion that she is “out to get you.”  Imagine the dozens of interactions you have had with your friends, spouse, or parents in which you responded based on implicit memories without being aware of their connections to past experiences.  

Research in marriage and family therapy suggests that approximately 80 percent of the emotional conflict between couples is rooted in events that predate the couple knowing each other.  

That’s why one of the questions I commonly ask in marriage counseling is how much of each spouse’s reaction to the other is his or her “80 percent.”  In other words, how much of the conflict is not so much a direct outgrowth of a current event as something that flows from parts of their minds that are remembering?  

As you contemplate the recurring conflicts in your own life, I encourage you to consider how often you automatically react to other people’s words, actions, or body language in ways that seem to harm, rather than restore, your relationships.  Honestly evaluating your reactions enables you to redirect the focus of your search for a solution to a problem back to yourself.  At first glance this may not seem all that pleasant—you have enough problems; why do you need to take on more?  But there is great freedom in this discovery.  Though a somewhat trite expression, it remains true that the only thing you can truly change is your own behavior.  I want to emphasize that I am not suggesting that your problems are unrelated to outside forces or that other people don’t create real, objective difficulties for you.  Nor am I implying that your suffering is imagined or a product of unconscious memory.  No, I am only pointing out that in order for your experiences to change, you must first change what you are doing.  

From a memory standpoint, that means that you must be aware of how your own recollections, particularly your implicit ones, create problems that you may attribute solely to others’ behaviors and attitudes.  Another important reason to expose and address these unconscious memories is to relieve the existential pressure that builds up around current circumstances that evoke the implicit memory.  As you plunge your own hands into the soil of the story from which your implicit memory germinated, took root, and flowered, you may want to share these discoveries with the person with whom you are in conflict, assuming there is a mutual desire for growth in the relationship.  Often the one listening to your story will be more compassionate as he or she sees that you’re attempting to make sense of your response.  It is not hard to imagine the almost infinite ways that your implicit memory may be creating your future simply by firing the same wiring repeatedly, usually in an unconscious haze.  

Even if you are a follower of Jesus, you may not understand why you repeatedly behave in ways that get you and others close to you into trouble. The good news is that you do not have to remain in the morass of your implicit memory, straitjacketed by things you don’t know you don’t know.  Despite the fact that you cannot turn back the clock and change the actual events of your life, you can change your experience of what you remember and so change your memory. As you pay more attention to this possibility, you will become aware of what Jesus is doing in real time and space to facilitate healing and renew your mind.

Recommended Reading

Young People Are Lonelier Than Ever (vice.com)

Us Versus Them - Riding The Superiority Highhorse

The saddest character flaw I've personally witnessed is certain guy's penchant for gloating.  For it will serve to isolate him throughout the years of his life.  

Personally, the good that's come from recognizing this is how reticent it's made me as a Christian relative to transparency, particularly as it relates to my struggles with homosexual desires / lust / gay porn.  For I've found that transparency tends to open doors time and time again versus putting a bad taste in people's mouths.  Now, by saying that, it does not mean that I'm any less prideful than any other bloke.  Let's just say I realize how to keep that pride under wraps - most of the time.

Gloating is "dwelling on one's success or another's misfortune with smugness or malignant pleasure".

Some men love to gloat about sales successes in comparison to others (taking the opportunity to do this in front of almost anyone).  Others gloat about the "renewed success" of their church home versus other local churches.  Still others gloat about their favorite collegiate team's athletic successes whilst basking in the defeats of its rivals.  Some gloat about sportsmanship (hunting) successes.  And here recently, I've even seen guys gloat about the purported spirituality of the political candidates they support with gusto.

Gloating, for a handful of men, is sort of like breathing.  It happens without them even thinking about it.  And oftentimes, this is learned behavior that they've seen modeled by a parent.  Hence, it was normalized for them, and from there, simply became their own exercise in self-absorption.

-------------------------

Gloating brings about feelings of superiority with an expectation that those listening in will too see the gloater as equally superior (buy in).  

Because most of us realize that these expectations are false, gloating typically is frowned upon within our culture and not something you see directly executed.  

Therefore, for most of us, we've learned to gloat indirectly through cultural (digital) machinations that are becoming more and more mainstream by the minute.  Machinations that justify their existence as vehicles of  "free speech".  And this gloating indirectly capitalizes on the back half of the definition from above.  That being:  "...or another's misfortune with smugness or malignant pleasure."  

Why would any Christian behave in such a way?  How might this possibly align with the gospel?  

Those are the wrong questions to ask.  

The better question is how might you fragrant your sphere of influence with the gospel if you're taking this approach?

You can't.  You won't.  Though you will come away feeling superior.  But that in no way synchronizes with your calling as a Christian.  For it is Christ who's superior.

Embrace humility in all things.  And never, ever lose sight of how quickly misfortune can and may very well come your way.

"The No Bull Briefing" - April 2022

 

THE NO BULL BRIEFING - April 2022

Registering Local Meeting & Members Over the last couple of years, Samson Society has grown exponentially! But in the process, some in-person meetings have started up while others have sadly become casualties to the pandemic.  If you host an in-person meeting, please take a moment to register the meeting through Samson Society so that other men in your area can more easily find you. You can do this through the "My Groups" tab on the website after logging into your account. Just click the "+ Add Group" blue button on the right to officially register your meeting. We also want to make sure to connect with the men attending your meetings, so please register their names and emails when you complete the group registration form. This enables us to inform them of events in their area, keep them updated on Samson news via the NBB and any other special emails we may send out, and allow other Samson brothers to find them through the Find a Brother searchable database (each member can opt in/out of being searchable in their profile settings). Need help completing this? Let us know! We are happy to assist you. Coming Soon: Ask an Expert Samson Society wants to help equip you as you navigate your journey forward. We are reaching out to field experts for advice in various subjects that we want to share with you.  Do you have a question you would like to ask an expert? Send it to us and it might be featured in a future NBB. Ciao Amico! Do you sometimes find yourself acting or reacting in immature ways? Does conflict with your partner sometimes degenerate into childish language or behavior? In this retreat, Nate Larkin and Kaka Ray will explore what it takes to "grow up" into free and fully integrated adulthood, capable of connecting deeply with another person. Join us in Italy from October 7-9, 2022, for a weekend retreat. Tips to Make Your Trip More Affordable Your best bet to find a cheap international flight is to look at a calendar of prices and compare different travel dates. Then set a price alert so you can get notified to book when the fares are low. Taking time to explore a variety of websites is key to finding great fares. Then the next most important part is being ready to act quickly in some cases. Be sure to check out a few of the lesser known sites such as Skyscanner, Airfarewatchdog, Hopper, and Scott's Cheap Flights. You can actually often save money by booking international flights with the starting point from the closest major international airport, and then booking an individual flight from your airport to that one. Or, if you are able to drive to the major airport, that’ll save you even more money. If you can, travel from one of the following airports: - New York-JFK - Newark - Chicago - Los Angeles - Washington Dulles - Miami - San Francisco - Boston - Philadelphia - Dallas-Fort Worth The same can be said for your destination airport as well. Some cities and airports are much more expensive than others to fly into, so be open on this point, especially if you know there are several airports clustered together. Rail travel in Europe makes it easy (and possibly cheaper) to get to your final destination by flying into another airport. Budget airlines, such as easyJet and Ryanair, have revolutionized intercity travel in Europe by competing with rail carriers on price, though, so check them out, too. Here is a tip for those who are tech savvy and are willing to spend some time comparing rates. It used to be that booking round-trip airfare was a lot more affordable. But that’s not necessarily the case now. Instead, you might come out on top by being willing to book your “to” trip with one airline and your “home” trip with another airline or even consider booking your trip one leg at a time. You may find a cheaper flight to Miami on one airline and make a connection to Rome on another. You may return home on a completely different airline or have an out-of-the-way layover in Brussels, but you can save a ton of money in the long run. This wont always be the case, but its worth looking into as you’re shopping around. We Have Merch! Samson Society has a merchandise store with items ranging from drinkware to apparel and accessories. Visit the store today and show your Pirate Monk pride! Don't see what you want or have a design idea? More items will be added to the store soon, so drop us a line to let us know what items you'd like to see or designs you have dreamed up.  Lastly, drop a picture of your purchased item on Slack for other guys to see and to help us spread the word! Regional Retreat Opportunities Planning a regional Samson retreat? Let us know at samsonhouseoffice@gmail.com or drop it on the #upcoming_event channel on Slack so we can help you spread the word! Tell Us Your Samson Testimony Do you have a Samson testimonial? Send us 2-3 sentences of how Samson has changed your life and help us share the impact with other men. Need prompts? Feel free to fill in the blank to any (or all) of the following: The Samson Society has given me: _________________ Through Samson Society, I have learned: ___________________ Samson Society impacted my life by: _________________ Monthly Resource Corner Each month, Samson Society will promote a resource that you may find helpful on your journey. Feel free to share any podcast episodes, blog posts, books, or documentaries that you find enlightening! Email us at samsonhouseoffice@gmail.com. Redeeming Heartache is a book for anyone healing from isolation, trauma, and fear, and invites you on a journey not to resolve past suffering but to discover true connection and healing with ourselves, God, and others. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel enter the conversation admitting that tragedy and pain inevitably touch each of our lives in some way, but we are often taught to ignore or minimize our suffering. We long to feel whole, but more often than not, the way we’ve learned to deal with our wounds pushes us away from the very restoration we need most. This book will help you find freedom and healing from painful memories and relational struggles and identify how suffering sets the trajectory of true calling.  Support Samson with Amazon Smile Did you know that you can support Samson House while you shop? For every purchase through Amazon Smile, Samson House receives a small donation when you select us as your charity of choice. Does your company purchase items through Amazon? Then ask if we can be their charity of choice! You shop. Amazon gives. It's that easy! DONATE Connect with us on social media!

SUPPORT@SAMSONSOCIETY.COM WWW.SAMSONSOCIETY.COM