Contact Mr. B. for more info regarding how to join in the online recovery Thursday evenings at 6 PM.
 |
| August 22, 2017 - Mr. Nate Larkin & Dr. Tom Moucka paid us a visit. |
Friday, March 20, 2020
You're Invited To Join Us On Thursdays at 6 PM - Jackson, MS Samson Society Zoom Meeting
Thanks to Mr. Lance Bowser, we had our first Zoom Samson Society meeting last night at 6 PM. How awesome to have this tech available! It was enriching and really humbling to see men from our 5 local groups come together via Zoom. Dare I say, reunion? It certainly felt like it.
Contact Mr. B. for more info regarding how to join in the online recovery Thursday evenings at 6 PM.
Contact Mr. B. for more info regarding how to join in the online recovery Thursday evenings at 6 PM.
Thursday, March 19, 2020
Suffering Vicariously
I was suffering tremendously when I first stepped into Samson Society. Shame was my constant shadow. It was impossible to shake, therefore no amount of "living life" diluted it to any degree. (I cannot emphasize that enough). Hence, had a precedent been set personally relative to drug / alcohol use to "drown out" that (or any other) deep seated pain, I have little doubt that would have complicated things that much further for me.
That was August of 2014. Sometime in October of that same year, I was elated to be serving as a Silas. For those of you that know me, I'm not at all shy, therefore soon after reaching out to a new guy (who stepped through the door a few months after me), he and I were off and running.
What I wasn't expecting, nor was prepared for, was the emotional weightiness of walking within another man's shame / emotional turmoil vicariously.
I'd had no training as a counselor / therapist. I was an architect, for pete's sake! Therefore, my listening / querying this younger man resulted in me venturing into the unknown week after week, and what I found was I WAS NO WHERE NEAR EMOTIONALLY EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THIS WELL.
Therefore, I simply did the best that I could each and every time we'd chat.
In looking back, what was important to that man (based on what I observed) was the following:
- I listened well.
- I obviously cared enough to listen (versus just holding the phone to my ear).
- I never once pushed his call to voicemail (always on relational standby).
- I always prayed for him before our dialogue concluded, asking specifically for prayer requests.
- Never expected an opportunity to be directly ministered to in return.
-------------------------
When you're in the thick of it as a Silas - serving another man / men, emotional exhaustion can crop up. If you're like me, I consider it such an honor to serve men, therefore you'll trudge forward regardless. That being said, some guys - new ones in particular - may "overattach" to their first Silas. And this is to be expected due to the level of intimacy that's quickly established. Eventually though, most men who believe firstly in Samson Society itself (and this is key) will expand their horizons relationally.
-------------------------
What keeps men away from Samson Society is being expected to do what I've described above.
Here it is again:
- I listened well.
- I obviously cared enough to listen (versus just holding the phone to my ear).
- I never once pushed his call to voicemail (always on relational standby).
- I always prayed for him before our dialogue concluded, asking specifically for prayer requests.
- Never expected an opportunity to be directly ministered to in return.
Today, men who are willing to step up and lend their ears are needed more than ever, but be forewarned. There is nothing easy about it. No pay. No benefits. And (this is the kicker) absolutely zero guarantee that the friendship will be long-term.
So, in other words, there's nothing at all in it for you Bubba. Except Christian obedience. Which, I would argue, is what all of us need moreso than anything else. Because through obedience comes sanctification, which is the ultimate end goal.
That was August of 2014. Sometime in October of that same year, I was elated to be serving as a Silas. For those of you that know me, I'm not at all shy, therefore soon after reaching out to a new guy (who stepped through the door a few months after me), he and I were off and running.
What I wasn't expecting, nor was prepared for, was the emotional weightiness of walking within another man's shame / emotional turmoil vicariously.
I'd had no training as a counselor / therapist. I was an architect, for pete's sake! Therefore, my listening / querying this younger man resulted in me venturing into the unknown week after week, and what I found was I WAS NO WHERE NEAR EMOTIONALLY EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THIS WELL.
Therefore, I simply did the best that I could each and every time we'd chat.
In looking back, what was important to that man (based on what I observed) was the following:
- I listened well.
- I obviously cared enough to listen (versus just holding the phone to my ear).
- I never once pushed his call to voicemail (always on relational standby).
- I always prayed for him before our dialogue concluded, asking specifically for prayer requests.
- Never expected an opportunity to be directly ministered to in return.
-------------------------
When you're in the thick of it as a Silas - serving another man / men, emotional exhaustion can crop up. If you're like me, I consider it such an honor to serve men, therefore you'll trudge forward regardless. That being said, some guys - new ones in particular - may "overattach" to their first Silas. And this is to be expected due to the level of intimacy that's quickly established. Eventually though, most men who believe firstly in Samson Society itself (and this is key) will expand their horizons relationally.
-------------------------
What keeps men away from Samson Society is being expected to do what I've described above.
Here it is again:
- I listened well.
- I obviously cared enough to listen (versus just holding the phone to my ear).
- I never once pushed his call to voicemail (always on relational standby).
- I always prayed for him before our dialogue concluded, asking specifically for prayer requests.
- Never expected an opportunity to be directly ministered to in return.
Today, men who are willing to step up and lend their ears are needed more than ever, but be forewarned. There is nothing easy about it. No pay. No benefits. And (this is the kicker) absolutely zero guarantee that the friendship will be long-term.
So, in other words, there's nothing at all in it for you Bubba. Except Christian obedience. Which, I would argue, is what all of us need moreso than anything else. Because through obedience comes sanctification, which is the ultimate end goal.
Wednesday, March 18, 2020
2020 Samson Society Retreat. Something To Look Forward To.
Registration link can be found here. Highly recommended.
Degrees Of Vulnerability / Predisposition to Negative Influence
The second library design I had the good fortune of working on as an architect (around 2001) received an additional building plaque upon the building's completion. This bronze plaque was a tad bit smaller scale than the standard plaque (which sat adjacent), and it was cast in honor of the director of the library system herself.
The library system that we worked for relative to designing the building had lost their director to cancer just a few months prior to the building being completed. I'd only worked with her for a few months during the planning phase prior to her getting very sick and having to forego her work as director. This woman was young. If I had to guess, I'd say around my age today (47) or younger, and like every librarian I've ever had the privilege to work with, she was articulate and intelligent with so much steadfastness.
Yesterday, I went to a park in Jackson to run, and due to the superb Spring weather, there were Jacksonians everywhere walking, running, and talking on their pocket computers (all at the same time). Obviously since I was in Jackson, most of these people were black which left me in the minority as a white man, and this got me thinking about blacks in relation to COVID-19.
The aforementioned library system director, Rose, was black. In fact, she was the first professional black woman I'd had the privilege to work with here in Mississippi (which was very cool). After she died, I came across some research that detailed how blacks are more prone to succumb to illness than other races. Illnesses like cancer, heart disease, diabetes type 2...the incurable, life-threatening ones. And this was due to the fact that their bodies don't respond as well to typical forms of medical treatment.
I remember how sad this made me for Rose as well as the entire black community. Especially considering that so many blacks live here in Mississippi. Having grown up here, it was eye-opening to learn this about their race. Because whites and blacks stay so segregated from each other here in Mississippi, it's hard to be sympathetic at all due to the distance that's always there between our two races.
And of course, this got me thinking about the current pandemic, and how perhaps the black community may be more at risk than other races to suffer more / succumb to the virus. Or vice versa. Scary, macabre stuff, I know, but it's difficult not to think about the macabre these days.
-------------------------
I recall, many years ago, the first commercial air flight I took where the majority of passengers had a tablet device with them. A new friend, sitting adjacent, had one, and he was excited about "HBO GO" or somesuch app that had recently come available. He talked (believe it or not) briefly about recently finalized / concluded HBO programming which he'd obviously enjoyed immensely. Based on what I understood, the HBO GO app would now allow him to seamlessly take the content with him on the go.
When I was a teen, HBO was Home Box Office. It was film content (all PG-rated before 6 PM during weekdays) with some Fraggle Rock thrown in for good measure. HBO was "premium TV programming", and as such cost as much or more than all your other cable programming combined. Hence, few families (here in MS at least) purchased it back in the '80s.
-------------------------
Terminator was the first R-rated film I believe I screened (in its almost entirety), thanks to HBO (at my best friend's house - one weekend). I vividly remember sitting adjacent to my friend's older sister (she was 16), and having her detail the following commentary to my 14 year-old self as she provided visual aids with her hands.
"I bet his dick is this long."
Even today, whilst recounting that moment, I feel dirty inside. Knowing full well that I shouldn't have been watching due to the corrupting impression that was occurring in real time.
But what was I to do? How could I possibly look away / leave the room?
I was simply too vulnerable to resist.
-------------------------
Hollywood is owned by the public. The companies that make films, small screen programming are publicly owned. Therefore, they answer firstly to their shareholders. And their shareholders are concerned with nothing more than market value and dividends. Therefore, Hollywood entertainment studios push the boundaries constantly in order to grab as much of the public's attention as they can. And more often than not, that content is hyper-sexualized due to the fact that so many of us are vulnerable to it.
They do not concern themselves with whom is watching. They do not see that as their business.
There's big money to be made in Hollywood. At the expense of so many.
But, as we know, the accumulation of material wealth is first and foremost within the minds of men. People will do just about anything to get rich.
-------------------------
Where are you vulnerable? Do you know? What steps have you taken to protect yourself? What did that first foray into filth look like for you? What were the specific circumstances where your young eyes were taken advantage of? I believe it's important that you document that to yourself in order to attempt to make peace with it if you believe you'd benefit from it. And finally, are you willing to add to Hollywood's coffers when they refuse to take anyone or anything but their balance sheets into consideration?
A new Samson Society friend told me recently that he'd given his television to a brother in Christ for safekeeping. I thought that was so brave of him to admit to. Especially considering the fact that his employer is partially an entertainment company. Sure, it sounds extreme, but I would argue, during this day and age, extreme measures are needed if you're serious about protecting yourself from your own personal weaknesses.
Put yourself first in this regard. Always. Don't pretend that we're all hardwired the same. That's what our culture (& Satan) attempts to use to deceive us all. Either that or he whispers in our ear that we deserve to be entertained with salacious material. And we all know that's nothing but a crock of shit.
The library system that we worked for relative to designing the building had lost their director to cancer just a few months prior to the building being completed. I'd only worked with her for a few months during the planning phase prior to her getting very sick and having to forego her work as director. This woman was young. If I had to guess, I'd say around my age today (47) or younger, and like every librarian I've ever had the privilege to work with, she was articulate and intelligent with so much steadfastness.
Yesterday, I went to a park in Jackson to run, and due to the superb Spring weather, there were Jacksonians everywhere walking, running, and talking on their pocket computers (all at the same time). Obviously since I was in Jackson, most of these people were black which left me in the minority as a white man, and this got me thinking about blacks in relation to COVID-19.
The aforementioned library system director, Rose, was black. In fact, she was the first professional black woman I'd had the privilege to work with here in Mississippi (which was very cool). After she died, I came across some research that detailed how blacks are more prone to succumb to illness than other races. Illnesses like cancer, heart disease, diabetes type 2...the incurable, life-threatening ones. And this was due to the fact that their bodies don't respond as well to typical forms of medical treatment.
I remember how sad this made me for Rose as well as the entire black community. Especially considering that so many blacks live here in Mississippi. Having grown up here, it was eye-opening to learn this about their race. Because whites and blacks stay so segregated from each other here in Mississippi, it's hard to be sympathetic at all due to the distance that's always there between our two races.
And of course, this got me thinking about the current pandemic, and how perhaps the black community may be more at risk than other races to suffer more / succumb to the virus. Or vice versa. Scary, macabre stuff, I know, but it's difficult not to think about the macabre these days.
-------------------------
I recall, many years ago, the first commercial air flight I took where the majority of passengers had a tablet device with them. A new friend, sitting adjacent, had one, and he was excited about "HBO GO" or somesuch app that had recently come available. He talked (believe it or not) briefly about recently finalized / concluded HBO programming which he'd obviously enjoyed immensely. Based on what I understood, the HBO GO app would now allow him to seamlessly take the content with him on the go.
When I was a teen, HBO was Home Box Office. It was film content (all PG-rated before 6 PM during weekdays) with some Fraggle Rock thrown in for good measure. HBO was "premium TV programming", and as such cost as much or more than all your other cable programming combined. Hence, few families (here in MS at least) purchased it back in the '80s.
-------------------------
Terminator was the first R-rated film I believe I screened (in its almost entirety), thanks to HBO (at my best friend's house - one weekend). I vividly remember sitting adjacent to my friend's older sister (she was 16), and having her detail the following commentary to my 14 year-old self as she provided visual aids with her hands.
"I bet his dick is this long."
Even today, whilst recounting that moment, I feel dirty inside. Knowing full well that I shouldn't have been watching due to the corrupting impression that was occurring in real time.
But what was I to do? How could I possibly look away / leave the room?
I was simply too vulnerable to resist.
-------------------------
Hollywood is owned by the public. The companies that make films, small screen programming are publicly owned. Therefore, they answer firstly to their shareholders. And their shareholders are concerned with nothing more than market value and dividends. Therefore, Hollywood entertainment studios push the boundaries constantly in order to grab as much of the public's attention as they can. And more often than not, that content is hyper-sexualized due to the fact that so many of us are vulnerable to it.
They do not concern themselves with whom is watching. They do not see that as their business.
There's big money to be made in Hollywood. At the expense of so many.
But, as we know, the accumulation of material wealth is first and foremost within the minds of men. People will do just about anything to get rich.
-------------------------
Where are you vulnerable? Do you know? What steps have you taken to protect yourself? What did that first foray into filth look like for you? What were the specific circumstances where your young eyes were taken advantage of? I believe it's important that you document that to yourself in order to attempt to make peace with it if you believe you'd benefit from it. And finally, are you willing to add to Hollywood's coffers when they refuse to take anyone or anything but their balance sheets into consideration?
A new Samson Society friend told me recently that he'd given his television to a brother in Christ for safekeeping. I thought that was so brave of him to admit to. Especially considering the fact that his employer is partially an entertainment company. Sure, it sounds extreme, but I would argue, during this day and age, extreme measures are needed if you're serious about protecting yourself from your own personal weaknesses.
Put yourself first in this regard. Always. Don't pretend that we're all hardwired the same. That's what our culture (& Satan) attempts to use to deceive us all. Either that or he whispers in our ear that we deserve to be entertained with salacious material. And we all know that's nothing but a crock of shit.
Monday, March 16, 2020
Envelope Problem(s) / Forensic work needed
We've lived in our abode for almost 20 years. It's recently received a new roof, new HVAC system, and soon some new attic insulation (if the contractor will ever show up to do the work). Ever since we moved in, we've had (rain)water leaks under the wood floor (within our front room) at the front elevation of the house. These leaks, over the years, have moved around, but all in all, it's the same nuisance stains that we've simply grown accustomed to seeing (despite the numerous "repairs" / promises of repair that have been executed) in more or less the exact same place.
The results of these leaks are nasty, discolored (almost black) stains / discoloration within the wood that spread from the base of the exterior wall (right under the shoe mold) to about 18" towards the center of the room. It's not at all unlike looking at a foreboding negative bar chart descending into our living space.
As you might imagine, it looks really bad, and it's embarrassing to attempt to explain when new friends come over (so of course, we cover it up as best we can).
If we ever sell the house, something's obviously going to have to be did about this, and I'm afraid to think what it might cost / how much trouble it will be to accomplish.
-------------------------
A building's envelope consists of all of its exterior systems (roof / walls) working in tandem to protect the interior from the elements. Obviously, based on what I've described above, we have had some ongoing envelope problems at our home. And this proves that our home's envelope isn't doing the work it's supposed to be / was designed to do.
As Christian men, I believe we're also afforded an envelope that shelters our insides, and subsequently keeps us from being infringed upon emotionally. No matter the circumstance / degree of severity. And just to be clear, it's primarily anger that I'm wanting to laser in on going forward.
So often, said envelope isn't doing its job for guys, therefore our insides take on external elements that should have been easily shed / redirected from the get go. From there, he are forced to respond INTERNALLY now that the infiltration is undeniable.
BREACH!
Even though, had the envelope been doing its job, this response would have been unnecessary to begin with. In other words, it's no doubt impossible to ignore an uninvited guest.
In many ways, it's like one's initial exposure to hardcore porn - no matter the age or circumstance. I would argue in that instance, it's the breach itself and what it now represents that's most disturbing / makes the most impact versus the salicious material (& what it means to us). That instance is a pivot point. A lightening bolt moment that opens our eyes to who we are / have now become in regards to the world around us. And this is in ways we never imagined prior.
Call it awakening the dragon, if you will. However you wish to view it, it's a paradigm shift. And if you know anything about those, they're all about how we see and feel about ourselves in relation to our perception of the world as we know and understand it.
-------------------------
To summarize, I believe anger is more a response to our own envelope's weak points than anything else. And yes, I'm definitely discounting the situation itself.
Let me repeat that.
I believe anger is more a response to our own envelope's weak points than anything else. It's a very impulsive, complex response that can truly take us off guard, and over time, take root as a legitimate personality trait.
After a series of heavy rains, I remember so vividly how powerless I felt all those years ago when I first took note of our front room under floor water leak(s), knowing full well how difficult it would be to uncover exactly what was awry relative to our homes envelope. It was overwhelming to think about.
And I didn't honestly blame anyone at that point due to the fact that I knew full well how difficult constructing an impenetrable envelope truly is. Particularly here in Mississippi where on average we receive 60" of rain annually.
-------------------------
As men, we want to exude strength, perfection, maturity, resilience. Why? Because it's what our culture celebrates as attractive, successful - in and amongst men. Sexy even. Who's against being sexually attractive? No one. Certainly not this day and age. It is the gold standard for value. Is it not?
Anger doesn't fit categorically in with what I've just described as the gold standard. Even that in and of itself - the realization of one's now ugliness, can further fuel anger's grip on us. Plus, anger is a powerful emotion, motivating us - for the worse, always - to either eviscerate or marginalize (or something in between) - those around us. Not at all, on the opposite end of the spectrum, as love motivates us conversely.
Therefore, so much of our anger as men isn't justified, and this is due to the fact that it's more of a response to a truth (our own weakness) that is so difficult for us to face with courage. And subsequently ask for help with.
.
The results of these leaks are nasty, discolored (almost black) stains / discoloration within the wood that spread from the base of the exterior wall (right under the shoe mold) to about 18" towards the center of the room. It's not at all unlike looking at a foreboding negative bar chart descending into our living space.
As you might imagine, it looks really bad, and it's embarrassing to attempt to explain when new friends come over (so of course, we cover it up as best we can).
If we ever sell the house, something's obviously going to have to be did about this, and I'm afraid to think what it might cost / how much trouble it will be to accomplish.
-------------------------
A building's envelope consists of all of its exterior systems (roof / walls) working in tandem to protect the interior from the elements. Obviously, based on what I've described above, we have had some ongoing envelope problems at our home. And this proves that our home's envelope isn't doing the work it's supposed to be / was designed to do.
As Christian men, I believe we're also afforded an envelope that shelters our insides, and subsequently keeps us from being infringed upon emotionally. No matter the circumstance / degree of severity. And just to be clear, it's primarily anger that I'm wanting to laser in on going forward.
So often, said envelope isn't doing its job for guys, therefore our insides take on external elements that should have been easily shed / redirected from the get go. From there, he are forced to respond INTERNALLY now that the infiltration is undeniable.
BREACH!
Even though, had the envelope been doing its job, this response would have been unnecessary to begin with. In other words, it's no doubt impossible to ignore an uninvited guest.
In many ways, it's like one's initial exposure to hardcore porn - no matter the age or circumstance. I would argue in that instance, it's the breach itself and what it now represents that's most disturbing / makes the most impact versus the salicious material (& what it means to us). That instance is a pivot point. A lightening bolt moment that opens our eyes to who we are / have now become in regards to the world around us. And this is in ways we never imagined prior.
Call it awakening the dragon, if you will. However you wish to view it, it's a paradigm shift. And if you know anything about those, they're all about how we see and feel about ourselves in relation to our perception of the world as we know and understand it.
-------------------------
To summarize, I believe anger is more a response to our own envelope's weak points than anything else. And yes, I'm definitely discounting the situation itself.
Let me repeat that.
I believe anger is more a response to our own envelope's weak points than anything else. It's a very impulsive, complex response that can truly take us off guard, and over time, take root as a legitimate personality trait.
After a series of heavy rains, I remember so vividly how powerless I felt all those years ago when I first took note of our front room under floor water leak(s), knowing full well how difficult it would be to uncover exactly what was awry relative to our homes envelope. It was overwhelming to think about.
And I didn't honestly blame anyone at that point due to the fact that I knew full well how difficult constructing an impenetrable envelope truly is. Particularly here in Mississippi where on average we receive 60" of rain annually.
-------------------------
As men, we want to exude strength, perfection, maturity, resilience. Why? Because it's what our culture celebrates as attractive, successful - in and amongst men. Sexy even. Who's against being sexually attractive? No one. Certainly not this day and age. It is the gold standard for value. Is it not?
Anger doesn't fit categorically in with what I've just described as the gold standard. Even that in and of itself - the realization of one's now ugliness, can further fuel anger's grip on us. Plus, anger is a powerful emotion, motivating us - for the worse, always - to either eviscerate or marginalize (or something in between) - those around us. Not at all, on the opposite end of the spectrum, as love motivates us conversely.
Therefore, so much of our anger as men isn't justified, and this is due to the fact that it's more of a response to a truth (our own weakness) that is so difficult for us to face with courage. And subsequently ask for help with.
 |
| Many men are in bondage to anger, thanks to it serving at times as lust does. As a fuel to feel intensely. |
 |
| The hard truth of being (un)recognized as an imperfect dad can be just as confounding / shaming, if not moreso, than the imperfection itself. |
Sunday, March 15, 2020
88.6788!
Years ago, Mr. Don Waller would invite us Samson Society men out to rural Hinds County on some family owned property right around New Year's Eve. He'd have a bonfire built, and we'd eat fantastic home cooked jambalaya or red beans & rice. Due to the holiday, there'd rarely be more than 6 or 8 of us that would show up, and in looking back, that smaller scale crowd did make for a more intimate experience.
I can remember on each of these occasions, Don, with sage-like fervor, would ask us to state some upcoming year goals / milestones that we wanted to meet as individual men, and not unlike most of these types of conceptual exercises which I'd taken part in before, I'd quickly forget about them as the new year rolled around.
Interestingly enough though, this weekend I realized, quite surprisingly, that I'd met one of these goals - if not exceeded it - by a long shot!
It was one of those very personal goals that I'd simply forgotten to care about whilst going about my life, and then out of the blue, I excitedly realized the truth.
Now, I'm not a goal setter. Never have been. And that's simply due to my wiring.
But this really made my day. Thanks Don!
I can remember on each of these occasions, Don, with sage-like fervor, would ask us to state some upcoming year goals / milestones that we wanted to meet as individual men, and not unlike most of these types of conceptual exercises which I'd taken part in before, I'd quickly forget about them as the new year rolled around.
Interestingly enough though, this weekend I realized, quite surprisingly, that I'd met one of these goals - if not exceeded it - by a long shot!
It was one of those very personal goals that I'd simply forgotten to care about whilst going about my life, and then out of the blue, I excitedly realized the truth.
Now, I'm not a goal setter. Never have been. And that's simply due to my wiring.
But this really made my day. Thanks Don!
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