Suffering Vicariously

I was suffering tremendously when I first stepped into Samson Society.  Shame was my constant shadow.  It was impossible to shake, therefore no amount of "living life" diluted it to any degree.  (I cannot emphasize that enough).  Hence, had a precedent been set personally relative to drug / alcohol use to "drown out" that (or any other) deep seated pain, I have little doubt that would have complicated things that much further for me.

That was August of 2014.  Sometime in October of that same year, I was elated to be serving as a Silas.  For those of you that know me, I'm not at all shy, therefore soon after reaching out to a new guy (who stepped through the door a few months after me), he and I were off and running.

What I wasn't expecting, nor was prepared for, was the emotional weightiness of walking within another man's shame / emotional turmoil vicariously.

I'd had no training as a counselor / therapist.  I was an architect, for pete's sake!  Therefore, my listening / querying this younger man resulted in me venturing into the unknown week after week, and what I found was I WAS NO WHERE NEAR EMOTIONALLY EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THIS WELL.

Therefore, I simply did the best that I could each and every time we'd chat.

In looking back, what was important to that man (based on what I observed) was the following:

-  I listened well.
-  I obviously cared enough to listen (versus just holding the phone to my ear).
-  I never once pushed his call to voicemail (always on relational standby).
-  I always prayed for him before our dialogue concluded, asking specifically for prayer requests.
-  Never expected an opportunity to be directly ministered to in return.

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When you're in the thick of it as a Silas - serving another man / men, emotional exhaustion can crop up.  If you're like me, I consider it such an honor to serve men, therefore you'll trudge forward regardless.  That being said, some guys - new ones in particular - may "overattach" to their first Silas.  And this is to be expected due to the level of intimacy that's quickly established.  Eventually though, most men who believe firstly in Samson Society itself (and this is key) will expand their horizons relationally.

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What keeps men away from Samson Society is being expected to do what I've described above. 

Here it is again:

-  I listened well.
-  I obviously cared enough to listen (versus just holding the phone to my ear).
-  I never once pushed his call to voicemail (always on relational standby).
-  I always prayed for him before our dialogue concluded, asking specifically for prayer requests.
-  Never expected an opportunity to be directly ministered to in return.

Today, men who are willing to step up and lend their ears are needed more than ever, but be forewarned.  There is nothing easy about it.  No pay.  No benefits.  And (this is the kicker) absolutely zero guarantee that the friendship will be long-term.

So, in other words, there's nothing at all in it for you Bubba.  Except Christian obedience.  Which, I would argue, is what all of us need moreso than anything else.  Because through obedience comes sanctification, which is the ultimate end goal.