The results of these leaks are nasty, discolored (almost black) stains / discoloration within the wood that spread from the base of the exterior wall (right under the shoe mold) to about 18" towards the center of the room. It's not at all unlike looking at a foreboding negative bar chart descending into our living space.
As you might imagine, it looks really bad, and it's embarrassing to attempt to explain when new friends come over (so of course, we cover it up as best we can).
If we ever sell the house, something's obviously going to have to be did about this, and I'm afraid to think what it might cost / how much trouble it will be to accomplish.
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A building's envelope consists of all of its exterior systems (roof / walls) working in tandem to protect the interior from the elements. Obviously, based on what I've described above, we have had some ongoing envelope problems at our home. And this proves that our home's envelope isn't doing the work it's supposed to be / was designed to do.
As Christian men, I believe we're also afforded an envelope that shelters our insides, and subsequently keeps us from being infringed upon emotionally. No matter the circumstance / degree of severity. And just to be clear, it's primarily anger that I'm wanting to laser in on going forward.
So often, said envelope isn't doing its job for guys, therefore our insides take on external elements that should have been easily shed / redirected from the get go. From there, he are forced to respond INTERNALLY now that the infiltration is undeniable.
BREACH!
Even though, had the envelope been doing its job, this response would have been unnecessary to begin with. In other words, it's no doubt impossible to ignore an uninvited guest.
In many ways, it's like one's initial exposure to hardcore porn - no matter the age or circumstance. I would argue in that instance, it's the breach itself and what it now represents that's most disturbing / makes the most impact versus the salicious material (& what it means to us). That instance is a pivot point. A lightening bolt moment that opens our eyes to who we are / have now become in regards to the world around us. And this is in ways we never imagined prior.
Call it awakening the dragon, if you will. However you wish to view it, it's a paradigm shift. And if you know anything about those, they're all about how we see and feel about ourselves in relation to our perception of the world as we know and understand it.
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To summarize, I believe anger is more a response to our own envelope's weak points than anything else. And yes, I'm definitely discounting the situation itself.
Let me repeat that.
I believe anger is more a response to our own envelope's weak points than anything else. It's a very impulsive, complex response that can truly take us off guard, and over time, take root as a legitimate personality trait.
After a series of heavy rains, I remember so vividly how powerless I felt all those years ago when I first took note of our front room under floor water leak(s), knowing full well how difficult it would be to uncover exactly what was awry relative to our homes envelope. It was overwhelming to think about.
And I didn't honestly blame anyone at that point due to the fact that I knew full well how difficult constructing an impenetrable envelope truly is. Particularly here in Mississippi where on average we receive 60" of rain annually.
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As men, we want to exude strength, perfection, maturity, resilience. Why? Because it's what our culture celebrates as attractive, successful - in and amongst men. Sexy even. Who's against being sexually attractive? No one. Certainly not this day and age. It is the gold standard for value. Is it not?
Anger doesn't fit categorically in with what I've just described as the gold standard. Even that in and of itself - the realization of one's now ugliness, can further fuel anger's grip on us. Plus, anger is a powerful emotion, motivating us - for the worse, always - to either eviscerate or marginalize (or something in between) - those around us. Not at all, on the opposite end of the spectrum, as love motivates us conversely.
Therefore, so much of our anger as men isn't justified, and this is due to the fact that it's more of a response to a truth (our own weakness) that is so difficult for us to face with courage. And subsequently ask for help with.
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| Many men are in bondage to anger, thanks to it serving at times as lust does. As a fuel to feel intensely. |
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| The hard truth of being (un)recognized as an imperfect dad can be just as confounding / shaming, if not moreso, than the imperfection itself. |
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