None of us can change our friends, spouses, parents, neighbors, employers, siblings. We have no bearing on their decisions or behavior, attitudes, or outlook. Their opinion of us in general, our points of view, faith, etc. are their own. We have no bearing there either.
This truth is a very frustrating one due to the fact that we live in a culture that prioritizes customization as well as the illusion of total life control. Therefore, as consumers, we gravitate towards experiences that provide this by default. Whether we're purchasing an automobile, a technological device, or a hamburger.
We want instantaneous gratification with exactly what we specify from our entertainment, recreational activities, even spiritual experiences. And, who wouldn't? It's such a conveniently luxurious paradigm to exist within.
Hence, these two work against each other, to the point that we begin to question why we're not seeing cross pollination occur between (which is ridiculous to consider, but often at times, how our brains operate).
-------------------------
I want to encourage you to consider the following:
The more you invest personally in cultural catering / luxuries, conversely, the more you'll potentially become stupefied / confused relative to your relationships - whether they're corporate or individual 'till eventually you begin to equate expectationally (my word) one with the other. Be mindful of that. It's a very slippery slope that can wreak emotional havoc rather quickly.
Remember, we're sheep. Sheep are stupid. Stupid is a verb. Many a divorce, premature job quitting, abandoned friendship, estranged family member, disappointment in church / charitable org stems from this unequivocal stance. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP. If you do, know this, you've been duped.
--------------------------
Lastly, you also have little control over your own self as it relates to sin and your sin nature. Disappointing but true. In other words, it's going to get the best of you unless you become an adopted son of God, and even then, you're going to have to fight tooth and nail to be victorious over your flesh over the long-term.
And that truth leads me to eternity, a word / concept that's as ignored as the entire concept of sin is within our culture.
Eternity: Afterlife. Heaven. Hell. Man's soul living beyond his body.
Do you believe or think on this truth? The Bible is built on this concept of life after death here on Earth. If you happen to believe life ends at brain death, you might as well take your Bible and use it as a doorstop.
As children, we all certainly hoped for eternity by default. That was ingrained in our DNA. Ask any child about death, and you'll immediately see that it scares them (just as it should scare us). They're keenly interested in believing that life doesn't simply stop there. Jesus cited children's simple faith as an example of what man's faith should look like, and that story I'm reminded of here.
Do you believe in life after death? Does it terrify you to consider eternity in hell for yourself and those I mentioned earlier (all those people you have no control over)?
Are you interested in allowing God to transform you into someone else, even as you continue to walk this Earth? The Bible says that we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. What does that mean, and how might it occur? Read Scripture. It's detailed there. The apostle Paul in particular, wrote an awful lot about this.
For me, there's much peace of mind that comes with knowing transformation is happening / active within my life, and that this process is God's alone to ordain / implement / execute. I like resting in this truth. Especially when I'm frustrated over the one I mentioned earlier. Too, I rest similarly knowing I can pray for those whom I have no control over and trust that God's hand is / will be working within their lives as well - as he sees fit.
I want to experience heaven after death, but too, I similarly want to experience heaven now by taking part in the becoming of a new Rob each and every day. There's joy there in seeing that occur as my flesh dies and my spirit matures. All thanks to God's grace. Let that be your / our only focus today.
Sunday, July 21, 2019
Saturday, July 20, 2019
You Become the Company You Keep
I've been thinking more and more on my best friend in high school. Considering that, I'm sad to report he's no longer a friend. That being said, how grateful I am to have had him in my life for such a time as that.
When I was about to start my 9th grade year in high school, this soon to be friend of mine was similarly about to start his 10th, and it was during this time in our lives that I platonically pursued both he and his best friend (who happened to be female) with equal effort. Rob needed friends, and I had admired these two from afar, having the opportunity to observe their rapport whilst together in the marching band.
What soon followed (after I'd been allowed into their circle) was David beginning to pull away from his friendgirl and gravitating more and more towards Rob. And none of this did I expect, nor did I comprehend exactly how I was situationally affecting his life. All I'd desired was friendship from each of them, but in making my move, I gained so much more than that by unknowingly meeting an unmet need of his that I had no way of originally seeing because...
David was exceedingly bright. His grades were tops, yet he simply stayed inside of himself completely, never attempting to excel beyond what required deep thought. And I believe that was what was so intriguing to me. He had no insecurity in being focused on schoolwork or tennis or marching band or pop culture alone. Everything else (and there was much more going on - as there always is) was ignored or perhaps compartmentalized. This kind of intense focus made for an almost impenetrable aura of coolness.
And I believe this modus operandi seemed masculine to David because it off gassed the perception of a confidence that was seemingly unprecedented for a teenage boy, much less a young man.
For example, I remember vividly hearing of David giving his valedictorian speech using leadership examples that were exceedingly effeminate for a Mississippi teen. Yet, no one questioned this due to the fact that it came from him. It was simply David being David.
And I loved this confidence. It's what I admired most about him on a subconscious level, being much too young to understand what was truly going on between us.
-------------------------
On the opposing end of this friendship persona spectrum is deep seated insecurity. Insecurity which in some men breeds cynicism. And this by some can be defined as criticism with no hope.
It wasn't 'till I was in the professional world that I witnessed this. Envy breeds from this particular internal outlook as well as paranoia. Two attributes that tend to isolate men, which can cause them to ultimately cannibalize their own selves prior to self-destructing.
These men also have needs, but whilst acknowledging that for yourself, it feels like such a risk to invest there knowing that likely they'll be nothing gained in return.
But, what does God expect of us as Christians? Of course, invest. Take the risk, not expecting anything in return, and encourage this man to listen to this Pirate Monk podcast.
-------------------------
So, where is David today?
He's far from Mississippi, living a life that breaks my heart.
I'm certain he's very similar to who I remember him to be all those years ago, and I doubt I'll ever meet anyone with his level of confidence again, therefore I'm fortunate to have had the time I once did.
God is good. His blessing detailed here on teenage me. So much of who I am grew out of the fertile soil that my long ago friendship with David provided.
When I was about to start my 9th grade year in high school, this soon to be friend of mine was similarly about to start his 10th, and it was during this time in our lives that I platonically pursued both he and his best friend (who happened to be female) with equal effort. Rob needed friends, and I had admired these two from afar, having the opportunity to observe their rapport whilst together in the marching band.
What soon followed (after I'd been allowed into their circle) was David beginning to pull away from his friendgirl and gravitating more and more towards Rob. And none of this did I expect, nor did I comprehend exactly how I was situationally affecting his life. All I'd desired was friendship from each of them, but in making my move, I gained so much more than that by unknowingly meeting an unmet need of his that I had no way of originally seeing because...
David was exceedingly bright. His grades were tops, yet he simply stayed inside of himself completely, never attempting to excel beyond what required deep thought. And I believe that was what was so intriguing to me. He had no insecurity in being focused on schoolwork or tennis or marching band or pop culture alone. Everything else (and there was much more going on - as there always is) was ignored or perhaps compartmentalized. This kind of intense focus made for an almost impenetrable aura of coolness.
And I believe this modus operandi seemed masculine to David because it off gassed the perception of a confidence that was seemingly unprecedented for a teenage boy, much less a young man.
For example, I remember vividly hearing of David giving his valedictorian speech using leadership examples that were exceedingly effeminate for a Mississippi teen. Yet, no one questioned this due to the fact that it came from him. It was simply David being David.
And I loved this confidence. It's what I admired most about him on a subconscious level, being much too young to understand what was truly going on between us.
-------------------------
On the opposing end of this friendship persona spectrum is deep seated insecurity. Insecurity which in some men breeds cynicism. And this by some can be defined as criticism with no hope.
It wasn't 'till I was in the professional world that I witnessed this. Envy breeds from this particular internal outlook as well as paranoia. Two attributes that tend to isolate men, which can cause them to ultimately cannibalize their own selves prior to self-destructing.
These men also have needs, but whilst acknowledging that for yourself, it feels like such a risk to invest there knowing that likely they'll be nothing gained in return.
But, what does God expect of us as Christians? Of course, invest. Take the risk, not expecting anything in return, and encourage this man to listen to this Pirate Monk podcast.
-------------------------
So, where is David today?
He's far from Mississippi, living a life that breaks my heart.
I'm certain he's very similar to who I remember him to be all those years ago, and I doubt I'll ever meet anyone with his level of confidence again, therefore I'm fortunate to have had the time I once did.
God is good. His blessing detailed here on teenage me. So much of who I am grew out of the fertile soil that my long ago friendship with David provided.
Why Is Samson Society Important To Rob?
Yesterday afternoon, the office was quiet. Everyone had left but me. I needed to finish up a few more things prior to Monday when it all starts again. Work. Work. Work. The never ending pursuit of making money through employment whether to someone else or for your own self. Got to get those bills paid and save up for retirement!
There are 2 PCs at my office that are unmonitored via Covenant Eyes, therefore they serve as opportunities for me to peruse Internet porn whilst there alone. Years ago, when the Internet began to become ubiquitous within white collar office settings, I would seize the opportunity to do this repeatedly. Whether it was over the weekend or after hours on weekdays, and even if for a few minutes.
Consuming Internet porn is cathartic for Rob. It's like smoking weed, I suppose. I cannot think of a more enjoyable, relaxing pursuit than browsing for smut online. So many of the images are strikingly beautiful and the unlimited amount of smut is such fun to parse through!
Back in 2013, I was terminated from my "dream job" due to my breaching my employer's information technology policy. Not only had I been surfing for porn (and subsequently masturbating at my desk), but I was writing a blog not unlike this one where I was recounting to the world my struggles with / bondage to sexual sin. That termination - how it was executed - was not unlike being raped emotionally. And through that violation, I became impregnated with a massive sense of worthlessness. For 18+ months, I struggled with PTSD. At my lowest point, I was suicidal.
Never have I experienced such emotional pain and hardship. It was devastatingly difficult to endure the ever demanding responsibilities of life through that nightmare.
-------------------------
Prior to my termination, I was attempting to pursue friendships with Christian men within the small town setting we found ourselves within. We were members of a thriving Presbyterian Church, and I attended every early morning (monthly) men's prayer breakfast that was available to me. These were well attended, but stagnant in helping Rob make platonic connections. Plus, the build up of shame I was experiencing on every occasion I walked into that church was becoming very difficult to bear.
What I craved were friendships that were built on authenticity. I wanted men in my life that were willing to invest in me on a personal level. Men who were interested in my story and who would be willing to walk with me through that particular season / setting of life.
I remember writing a letter to the senior pastor of this church and asking for help. To be more specific, I needed some counsel relative to the issue of masturbation, being keenly interested in his take on that issue.
Unfortunately, he chose to shun me in lieu of reciprocating.
As you can imagine, this only made my situation more shameful. I felt like a martian at this point.
--------------------------
Satan exists. He's the father of lies, and his goal is to kill all of us by concocting such theatrics within our individual lives that we eventually succumb to the ordinary. The routine. It's called settling, and I was fast approaching this particular resolve.
But then there's our Heavenly Father. He's in pursuit, working to counter our own lethargic selves / situational trappings as well as our number one Enemy, Lucifer.
-------------------------
+/-9 months after being terminated from my job, I began to talk openly to my sweet wife about the repeated voices in my head that were saying, "Why Don't You Kill Yourself?", and thanks to her prompting me to talk with my father about said voices, I eventually found Samson Society.
And the rest is history.
I remember vividly the first Wednesday night I walked into a meeting. I remember both the excitement mixed with the shame regarding my story (recent failures as well as overall). I can still see the faces of so many men, all of which I admittedly longed to know better.
Those memories, from both that initial meeting as well as the countless others I've both attended and facilitated, carry me forward and serve to bind me to this ministry where relational accountability is uplifted and celebrated amongst men. This is why Samson Society is so important to me.
And no, I chose to not look at Internet porn yesterday at the office after hours.
There are 2 PCs at my office that are unmonitored via Covenant Eyes, therefore they serve as opportunities for me to peruse Internet porn whilst there alone. Years ago, when the Internet began to become ubiquitous within white collar office settings, I would seize the opportunity to do this repeatedly. Whether it was over the weekend or after hours on weekdays, and even if for a few minutes.
Consuming Internet porn is cathartic for Rob. It's like smoking weed, I suppose. I cannot think of a more enjoyable, relaxing pursuit than browsing for smut online. So many of the images are strikingly beautiful and the unlimited amount of smut is such fun to parse through!
Back in 2013, I was terminated from my "dream job" due to my breaching my employer's information technology policy. Not only had I been surfing for porn (and subsequently masturbating at my desk), but I was writing a blog not unlike this one where I was recounting to the world my struggles with / bondage to sexual sin. That termination - how it was executed - was not unlike being raped emotionally. And through that violation, I became impregnated with a massive sense of worthlessness. For 18+ months, I struggled with PTSD. At my lowest point, I was suicidal.
Never have I experienced such emotional pain and hardship. It was devastatingly difficult to endure the ever demanding responsibilities of life through that nightmare.
-------------------------
Prior to my termination, I was attempting to pursue friendships with Christian men within the small town setting we found ourselves within. We were members of a thriving Presbyterian Church, and I attended every early morning (monthly) men's prayer breakfast that was available to me. These were well attended, but stagnant in helping Rob make platonic connections. Plus, the build up of shame I was experiencing on every occasion I walked into that church was becoming very difficult to bear.
What I craved were friendships that were built on authenticity. I wanted men in my life that were willing to invest in me on a personal level. Men who were interested in my story and who would be willing to walk with me through that particular season / setting of life.
I remember writing a letter to the senior pastor of this church and asking for help. To be more specific, I needed some counsel relative to the issue of masturbation, being keenly interested in his take on that issue.
Unfortunately, he chose to shun me in lieu of reciprocating.
As you can imagine, this only made my situation more shameful. I felt like a martian at this point.
--------------------------
Satan exists. He's the father of lies, and his goal is to kill all of us by concocting such theatrics within our individual lives that we eventually succumb to the ordinary. The routine. It's called settling, and I was fast approaching this particular resolve.
But then there's our Heavenly Father. He's in pursuit, working to counter our own lethargic selves / situational trappings as well as our number one Enemy, Lucifer.
-------------------------
+/-9 months after being terminated from my job, I began to talk openly to my sweet wife about the repeated voices in my head that were saying, "Why Don't You Kill Yourself?", and thanks to her prompting me to talk with my father about said voices, I eventually found Samson Society.
And the rest is history.
I remember vividly the first Wednesday night I walked into a meeting. I remember both the excitement mixed with the shame regarding my story (recent failures as well as overall). I can still see the faces of so many men, all of which I admittedly longed to know better.
Those memories, from both that initial meeting as well as the countless others I've both attended and facilitated, carry me forward and serve to bind me to this ministry where relational accountability is uplifted and celebrated amongst men. This is why Samson Society is so important to me.
And no, I chose to not look at Internet porn yesterday at the office after hours.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
The Post Office Box of the Mind
Many years ago, my wife took over the responsibility of checking the business Post Office Box of her employer, a small accounting firm who'd recently relocated their operation to south Mississippi. The firm was a small husband / wife operation, but in needing to move south, they still had a client base here that demanded servicing. Therefore, Angie was happy to help; hence, she stayed onboard.
Most nights after work, I would stop by the Post Office to check the aforementioned box, and for weeks and weeks on end, each time I'd open it up, it would be jam packed with catalogs from every conceivable retailer you could imagine.
There were toy catalogs, lingerie, men and women's clothing, hardware, furniture, home accessories, and on and on. I remember too there were catalogs that fell into the offbeat category such as fairy themed statuary, Irish pub themed interior decor, etc. It was amazing to behold how much junk mail was being delivered to this one P.O. Box each and every day in Brandon, Mississippi.
-------------------------
During my last year of college, I was dealing with so much up in my head that I had no idea what to truly make of it. Circumstantially, I was in deep with my girlfriend (now wife), and soon to be (hopefully) employed at my first job within the architectural field. I decided it was time for me to seek help. Too much was at stake for me to continue forward on my own. I'd spent years and years attempting to analyze and ultimately understand my thought life, but it was a 2-month backpacking trip during the summer of '94 that finally brought me to a place where I knew I didn't want to go at this alone any more.
Eventually, I confided in my 'rents as to my state of mind, and from there, they were kind enough to assist me in obtaining quality counsel, and it was through that relationship with that (now deceased) clinical psychologist that light began to be shed on my situation. He and I sorted through and unpacked an awful lot over 3 or 4 months. Plus, he provided numerous cautionary words that no one else with that same insight had ever shared with me. It was a wonderfully helpful experience!
For Rob, sinful behavior was nurtured by and within this state of mental confusion. I never used it as an excuse, but despite my ownership in what I was taking part in, I knew I was much more susceptible to temptation whilst being within a state of confusion.
Considering that truth from my past and subsequently applying it today, I've had men also advise me to stave off access to sin-laden opportunities. And I believe this is sound advice. Pragmatics certainly can play into protecting ourselves as Christians, but what's really wonderfully helpful at times is having someone more experienced come alongside you to assist in unpacking mental deliverables that inevitably keep showing up unannounced. Deliverables which seem to promulgate out of some unforeseen or unclear point of origin.
-------------------------
Eventually, I took action against the Post Office Box, I deciding to stave off the unnecessary waste as well as the huge distraction it was to Rob. I have to admit that I simply couldn't resist the pull to leaf through all this unsolicited junk mail day after day.
Therefore, I systematically began calling the retailers one by one. I did this at home with my daily stack of catalogs in hand, asking for this particular P.O. Box to be removed from their mailing list. It was a long, tedious process, but it was worth it, and after 2 or 3 months, I'd taken care of every one despite the fact that I had to call certain companies repeatedly.
My attitude here regarding this was one of novel steadfastness. In other words, I tried to see the opportunity in relegating this work to myself as more than just a drudgery. Instead, it was an attempt to be consistent relative to a condition that I'd found myself within via no surrogacy of my own.
I suppose you might liken this situation to renting an apartment that was haunted, or perhaps purchasing a used car that seemingly drives itself away unannounced after you'd parked it in front of your apartment rental. Annoying and very weird, but such is life sometimes.
I can personally attest that the mind is complex and sometimes needs "higher oversight", requiring its owner to reach out for help. Also, unpacking takes work and lots of dedicated time that's realistically impossible to do alone. Therefore, don't hesitate to reach out for help. Take action against a state of mind that's negatively intrusive in its ways. Hijacking is no doubt a real experience, but no doubt one that should be settled for.
Most nights after work, I would stop by the Post Office to check the aforementioned box, and for weeks and weeks on end, each time I'd open it up, it would be jam packed with catalogs from every conceivable retailer you could imagine.
There were toy catalogs, lingerie, men and women's clothing, hardware, furniture, home accessories, and on and on. I remember too there were catalogs that fell into the offbeat category such as fairy themed statuary, Irish pub themed interior decor, etc. It was amazing to behold how much junk mail was being delivered to this one P.O. Box each and every day in Brandon, Mississippi.
-------------------------
During my last year of college, I was dealing with so much up in my head that I had no idea what to truly make of it. Circumstantially, I was in deep with my girlfriend (now wife), and soon to be (hopefully) employed at my first job within the architectural field. I decided it was time for me to seek help. Too much was at stake for me to continue forward on my own. I'd spent years and years attempting to analyze and ultimately understand my thought life, but it was a 2-month backpacking trip during the summer of '94 that finally brought me to a place where I knew I didn't want to go at this alone any more.
Eventually, I confided in my 'rents as to my state of mind, and from there, they were kind enough to assist me in obtaining quality counsel, and it was through that relationship with that (now deceased) clinical psychologist that light began to be shed on my situation. He and I sorted through and unpacked an awful lot over 3 or 4 months. Plus, he provided numerous cautionary words that no one else with that same insight had ever shared with me. It was a wonderfully helpful experience!
For Rob, sinful behavior was nurtured by and within this state of mental confusion. I never used it as an excuse, but despite my ownership in what I was taking part in, I knew I was much more susceptible to temptation whilst being within a state of confusion.
Considering that truth from my past and subsequently applying it today, I've had men also advise me to stave off access to sin-laden opportunities. And I believe this is sound advice. Pragmatics certainly can play into protecting ourselves as Christians, but what's really wonderfully helpful at times is having someone more experienced come alongside you to assist in unpacking mental deliverables that inevitably keep showing up unannounced. Deliverables which seem to promulgate out of some unforeseen or unclear point of origin.
-------------------------
Eventually, I took action against the Post Office Box, I deciding to stave off the unnecessary waste as well as the huge distraction it was to Rob. I have to admit that I simply couldn't resist the pull to leaf through all this unsolicited junk mail day after day.
Therefore, I systematically began calling the retailers one by one. I did this at home with my daily stack of catalogs in hand, asking for this particular P.O. Box to be removed from their mailing list. It was a long, tedious process, but it was worth it, and after 2 or 3 months, I'd taken care of every one despite the fact that I had to call certain companies repeatedly.
My attitude here regarding this was one of novel steadfastness. In other words, I tried to see the opportunity in relegating this work to myself as more than just a drudgery. Instead, it was an attempt to be consistent relative to a condition that I'd found myself within via no surrogacy of my own.
I suppose you might liken this situation to renting an apartment that was haunted, or perhaps purchasing a used car that seemingly drives itself away unannounced after you'd parked it in front of your apartment rental. Annoying and very weird, but such is life sometimes.
I can personally attest that the mind is complex and sometimes needs "higher oversight", requiring its owner to reach out for help. Also, unpacking takes work and lots of dedicated time that's realistically impossible to do alone. Therefore, don't hesitate to reach out for help. Take action against a state of mind that's negatively intrusive in its ways. Hijacking is no doubt a real experience, but no doubt one that should be settled for.
Monday, July 8, 2019
"I Don't Regret Anything I Said."
Have you ever had someone say that to you, or to someone else regarding their words to you?
I've said and written so many things that I regret that they're too numerous to even begin to quantify. Scripture is clear when it comes to speech. Less is more.
What I find is when someone says this, they're sinking in a deep pile of doo doo that smells of regret, yet they'd rather tolerate the stink than admit to their wrongdoing. Eventually though, they're going to be up to their neck in shit. Once that occurs, they'd best reconsider their stubbornness. Otherwise, they're going to inevitably asphyxiate.
My wife is such the Olympian when it comes to asking forgiveness for misplaced words. If fact, she does it so reflexively that I'm almost annoyed by it. Why is this?
Because, I'm the opposite.
I'm the one who'd rather hold my ground, wait it out, and hope for the Earth to instead swallow me whole in order for me to NOT have to admit to my foolish words. I'll take a dramatic death over coming clean with my tongue any day.
What's really fun though is being cognizant enough of your own past dialogue screw ups (especially if it involves those same guilty parties) well enough to be humble regarding your wounds (enacted by them). Not to ignore the brevity of those recent hurts, but to put them in perspective.
Perspective is such a powerful tool relative to managing pain that's doled out by our fellow man. Use it to God's glory. "Those who wait upon the Lord..."
Also, be merciful by recalling the aroma of feces and how disgusting it is having had yourself all packed in by it, and remember too that vengeance is the Lord's. There's no guarantee you'll ever receive an apology, nor should you expect one as a representative of Christ. Will their words affect the relationship within the immediate future? Either way (apology or not), yes.
Wouldn't it be so awesome if we could undo our speech? Undo. Undo. Undo.
I've said and written so many things that I regret that they're too numerous to even begin to quantify. Scripture is clear when it comes to speech. Less is more.
What I find is when someone says this, they're sinking in a deep pile of doo doo that smells of regret, yet they'd rather tolerate the stink than admit to their wrongdoing. Eventually though, they're going to be up to their neck in shit. Once that occurs, they'd best reconsider their stubbornness. Otherwise, they're going to inevitably asphyxiate.
My wife is such the Olympian when it comes to asking forgiveness for misplaced words. If fact, she does it so reflexively that I'm almost annoyed by it. Why is this?
Because, I'm the opposite.
I'm the one who'd rather hold my ground, wait it out, and hope for the Earth to instead swallow me whole in order for me to NOT have to admit to my foolish words. I'll take a dramatic death over coming clean with my tongue any day.
What's really fun though is being cognizant enough of your own past dialogue screw ups (especially if it involves those same guilty parties) well enough to be humble regarding your wounds (enacted by them). Not to ignore the brevity of those recent hurts, but to put them in perspective.
Perspective is such a powerful tool relative to managing pain that's doled out by our fellow man. Use it to God's glory. "Those who wait upon the Lord..."
Also, be merciful by recalling the aroma of feces and how disgusting it is having had yourself all packed in by it, and remember too that vengeance is the Lord's. There's no guarantee you'll ever receive an apology, nor should you expect one as a representative of Christ. Will their words affect the relationship within the immediate future? Either way (apology or not), yes.
Wouldn't it be so awesome if we could undo our speech? Undo. Undo. Undo.
Sunday, July 7, 2019
Be Courageous In Your Pursuit of Friendship
No matter your age or "time of life", no matter your temperament or personality, pursue friendship with other men that you believe might benefit from your support and vice versa.
Solid, reliable friendships between men is worth the false starts, miscommunication, and disappointments.
Be vigilant in your pursuit, and do not hesitate to be upfront with your intent. It may feel too risky to use the word friendship as your end goal, but take my advice, and let the other man know where you're coming from at the getgo.
Lastly, it's worth it to ask how you might shore up your role as a friend on occasion, listening always for opportunities to better hone your skills on behalf of your buddy. Conversely, if a friendship implodes or false starts, don't fret. Instead, pray for patience and understanding as you stay centered on how Christ modeled friendship for his beloved disciples. Patience, patience, patience.
As a Samson Society man in particular, you might just become like me in that you're always on the lookout for opportunities to expand your platonic portfolio.
It could happen.
Solid, reliable friendships between men is worth the false starts, miscommunication, and disappointments.
Be vigilant in your pursuit, and do not hesitate to be upfront with your intent. It may feel too risky to use the word friendship as your end goal, but take my advice, and let the other man know where you're coming from at the getgo.
Lastly, it's worth it to ask how you might shore up your role as a friend on occasion, listening always for opportunities to better hone your skills on behalf of your buddy. Conversely, if a friendship implodes or false starts, don't fret. Instead, pray for patience and understanding as you stay centered on how Christ modeled friendship for his beloved disciples. Patience, patience, patience.
As a Samson Society man in particular, you might just become like me in that you're always on the lookout for opportunities to expand your platonic portfolio.
It could happen.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
Fornication: The Dating Ruse
My parents were involved in fornication. I know this because they in turn became pregnant with me. Subsequently, as a 17 and 18 year old, they chose to then marry back in January of 1972. Perhaps they would have never married had they not been involved in fornication. Nevertheless, that decision to have premarital sexual intercourse changed their lives forever and instigated mine.
What is fornication really, and why is it considered a sin by God?
I've heard so many men in particular justify fornication within their pasts, and I've heard a handful of women detail it as simply part of the learning curve relative to "aptitude in bed".
Fornication is blasphemy because it takes what's clearly detailed relations by God - husband / wife and misrepresents it. It's no different than two friends simply choosing to be sexual. That's abnormal behavior due to the two parties involved (friends), therefore it's out of line with God's will.
As a Christian, it's hard to not be disappointed in the fact that my father made the decisions he chose to all those years ago, and I realize that probably sounds contradictory from the standpoint of my very existence today. Considering all of the fallout that I've witnessed follow suit from that decision, allow me to continue...
Here's the truly pivotal rationale as to why it's so important to eschew sexual intimacy before marriage.
You're improving your chances of not ending up with a bad marriage, and believe me, no amount of memorable dating sex can outweigh the heartache that's mated to a difficult, if not impossibly unworkable marriage.
Keep in mind I said marriage here. Not friendship between roommates, or acquaintances who tolerate each other's presence. Marriage. Two becoming one flesh.
-------------------------
Sexual intercourse in particular is intoxicating. Particularly when it's virginal and mated to young love. Therefore, it quickly becomes the focal point of the dating relationship which is decidedly unfortunate.
If the two individuals are Christians, they're now dealing with private, yet shared guilt and shame, and oftentimes, they're working just as hard out of bed attempting to cover over their tracks as they are in bed to achieve multiple orgasms.
What's truly sad is when abortion occurs as a result of all of this foolishness.
But let's return to the intoxication portion of sexual intimacy.
Young adults who are sexually active whilst dating are benefiting from being at their sexual peak physiologically. Young men are making loads of healthy sperm and young ladies' eggs are ripe for fertilization, and their bodies know this (despite the fact that they aren't married). Hence, the sex is intense and overwhelmingly pleasurable to both.
Plus, their bodies themselves are young. Therefore sexual stamina is at its peak, positions are often limitless, and those feelings of invulnerability are at times ever present.
Of course, all of this inevitably clouds judgement because the fornication is just that - a celebration of rebellion against God versus marriage under God. And all of this sexual sin compounds as the dating relationship progresses 'till eventually (if the couple chooses to marry), they both find themselves having to deal with ramifications related to the erasure of the line of demarcation that actually signified the marriage itself. And those ramifications can be extensive. God is not mocked. Marriage is a representation of Christ and his bride, the church. This is seriously stupid behavior we're talking about here that not just one person has been involved in but two.
Many of you know that I have 3 daughters - ages 16, 14, and 9. I pray often for their future husbands. In particular, that they'll respect and honor the role that sexual intimacy should play only between a husband and wife. And this is primarily because I don't want them married to a Schmoe. Ordinary simply isn't acceptable in my book for my girls. Let those men be someone else's son-in-law.
What is fornication really, and why is it considered a sin by God?
I've heard so many men in particular justify fornication within their pasts, and I've heard a handful of women detail it as simply part of the learning curve relative to "aptitude in bed".
Fornication is blasphemy because it takes what's clearly detailed relations by God - husband / wife and misrepresents it. It's no different than two friends simply choosing to be sexual. That's abnormal behavior due to the two parties involved (friends), therefore it's out of line with God's will.
As a Christian, it's hard to not be disappointed in the fact that my father made the decisions he chose to all those years ago, and I realize that probably sounds contradictory from the standpoint of my very existence today. Considering all of the fallout that I've witnessed follow suit from that decision, allow me to continue...
Here's the truly pivotal rationale as to why it's so important to eschew sexual intimacy before marriage.
You're improving your chances of not ending up with a bad marriage, and believe me, no amount of memorable dating sex can outweigh the heartache that's mated to a difficult, if not impossibly unworkable marriage.
Keep in mind I said marriage here. Not friendship between roommates, or acquaintances who tolerate each other's presence. Marriage. Two becoming one flesh.
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Sexual intercourse in particular is intoxicating. Particularly when it's virginal and mated to young love. Therefore, it quickly becomes the focal point of the dating relationship which is decidedly unfortunate.
If the two individuals are Christians, they're now dealing with private, yet shared guilt and shame, and oftentimes, they're working just as hard out of bed attempting to cover over their tracks as they are in bed to achieve multiple orgasms.
What's truly sad is when abortion occurs as a result of all of this foolishness.
But let's return to the intoxication portion of sexual intimacy.
Young adults who are sexually active whilst dating are benefiting from being at their sexual peak physiologically. Young men are making loads of healthy sperm and young ladies' eggs are ripe for fertilization, and their bodies know this (despite the fact that they aren't married). Hence, the sex is intense and overwhelmingly pleasurable to both.
Plus, their bodies themselves are young. Therefore sexual stamina is at its peak, positions are often limitless, and those feelings of invulnerability are at times ever present.
Of course, all of this inevitably clouds judgement because the fornication is just that - a celebration of rebellion against God versus marriage under God. And all of this sexual sin compounds as the dating relationship progresses 'till eventually (if the couple chooses to marry), they both find themselves having to deal with ramifications related to the erasure of the line of demarcation that actually signified the marriage itself. And those ramifications can be extensive. God is not mocked. Marriage is a representation of Christ and his bride, the church. This is seriously stupid behavior we're talking about here that not just one person has been involved in but two.
Many of you know that I have 3 daughters - ages 16, 14, and 9. I pray often for their future husbands. In particular, that they'll respect and honor the role that sexual intimacy should play only between a husband and wife. And this is primarily because I don't want them married to a Schmoe. Ordinary simply isn't acceptable in my book for my girls. Let those men be someone else's son-in-law.
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