When I was a boy, my grandparents (on my mother's side of our family) lived in a +/-900 sf ranch house next to a Mississippi Delta drainage ditch. It was sited adjacent to a gravel road in rural Humphreys county, Mississippi. My parents lived with my grandparents soon after they married, and it's important that you know that their marriage came about upon their realizing that they were pregnant with me. At this time in 1972, they had nothing but their love for each other combined with their aspirations situated demonstratively underneath an umbrella of faith, and I must admit that's very scary and weird for me as their only child to think about today due to the fact that they were only 17 and 18 at the time.
Nonetheless, by the time I was 4 to 4-1/2 years old, we were living here in Jackson in an apartment complex. My father had obtained his degree and now was working as an advertising salesmen 40+ hours a week. Taking where they were as a couple into consideration, they did venture back to Humphreys county often to see family and friends.
My grandparents had a complete set of World Book Encyclopedias. These were all crammed together on the second to lowest shelf of a wooden bookcase within one of the minuscule bedrooms at their house. One of my most favorite ways to bide my time as a boy was to pick out an encyclopedia volume to read. I would spend hours and hours perusing the pages of whichever volume I'd chosen, learning and absorbing everything along the way about our world as presented by World Book.
Today, as a 47 year old, I'm similarly always eager to read in an effort to know and understand the world, but today, it is the Internet that is my encyclopedia.
-------------------------
As an adult, I make a point to know and engage with intelligent people. My best friend in high school was one of the most intelligent boys I'd ever encountered, and this is the primary attribute that drew me to him. Prior to our becoming friends, I'd always been enthralled at his intellect and how articulate he was as a teen. Plus, he was very musically inclined, playing both the piano and clarinet. I admired all of these attributes, but mostly because his intellect made for a razor sharp sense of humor that was unlike anything I'd experienced prior.
Writing is no doubt a sign of intelligence. And to write really well is very difficult to pull off. I know this because I speak from experience. Great writing takes a monumental amount of work combined with creativity. Plus, you must know and understand your audience which is arguably the most difficult task of a writer.
Considering all of this, I really enjoy reading well written articles / diatribes online due to the fact that it speaks to the individual who took the time to write it. Hence, I'll get to know them better, and subsequently, follow their work if they're a regular contributor to a site while learning / expanding my own knowledge base. And I love these things very much because it provides a means to connect intimately with another person's intelligence whom you've never met.
-------------------------
Today though, I'm making the choice to walk away from a particular URL, and this is not easy to do as I've attempted to do it once before.
Rob visits about 3 to 4 sites at least once every day, and all of these but one are news / commentary sites (the outsider is a popular video site).
The one I've chosen to walk away from is the most intelligently written and therefore, to me, arguably the most captivating of all of my favorites, but it's also a holistically pagan and anti-Christian site.
--------------------------
I can remember being in college and choosing to jettison my Indigo Girls and Erasure CDs due to their emphasis / celebration on / of the homosexual lifestyle. I had come to a point where I could no longer stomach the notion of supporting these entertainers who were so vocal relative to their beliefs regarding human sexuality.
That's not really where I'm at with this aforementioned URL, yet the feelings accompanying this decision are similar. I do not own these sites, but unlike what the music on the CDs was doing, the ever changing content does make an impact on me as I choose to consume it.
Have you ever felt constrained by your faith? That's how I feel today about this, but at the same time, I know firsthand how unhealthy and completely pagan so much of the daily content offered via this site is. Nonetheless, it's fun and very stimulating to read, and makes me feel much smarter than I really am. Again, I'm drawn to intelligence. Plain and simple.
Like a country boy in the big city, if you know what I mean. It's sorta that feeling of being swept away...
So long. Farewell. God bless. It's time I shored up my mind / soul despite my being enthralled with such high quality presentation.
Man, there are some smart people out there.
Lagniappe
Friday, September 6, 2019
Thursday, September 5, 2019
Resisting Societal Pressures In Pursuit of Holiness
You're never going to hear the word holiness within mainstream culture. Just as you'll never hear the word sin. That's because they simply run counter to what our culture elevates / celebrates / embraces day after day after day.
Cultural norms embrace depravity. Sin is normalized. There is no higher standard, i.e. perfection or comprehension on any level of God's love / grace for his people because man is god himself.
What drives these lies is the illusion of authority each of us is exposed to on a daily basis. Our own independent authority. This is authenticated by the single family home, the singular automobile, my pocket computer, my vocation, my retirement account, my children, my hobbies, my church, my sexuality and so forth. All of which reinforces the singular concept of ME and my rights and my independent authority.
Ultimately, it comes down to being convinced that I'm accountable to no one and that none of these aforementioned items are anything other than RIGHTS.
Well, that's just horseshit.
-------------------------
God brought you into being. It's by his grace that you exist and receive the tangible "rights" that are at your disposal each and every day. He put you on this Earth at this point in time on whatever soil he chose - for one reason - to glorify him.
But, if you were to listen to our culture, that truth would never come through. And without that truth, we're simply never going to comprehend holiness because we do not on any level comprehend God.
Therefore, what can we do to comprehend God?
Look to his Son. It's the easiest, most prolific source of knowledge relative to God and his holiness, and what's so helpful about studying the life of Jesus, as it's presented within the gospels, is you'll in tandem see a man who glorifies God (his Heavenly Father).
-------------------------
But Jesus didn't have a single family home, an automobile, a pocket computer, a vocation, a retirement account, children, hobbies, church home, or even have sex - all of which separate my mindset from his own! All I can say to that is he was 100% God and 100% man all at once yet still served as the perfect standard for achieving consistent holiness, day after day after day. My advice to you (and to myself) is to put those cultural shelters aside within your mind / soul long enough to empathize with Christ. And I'll say it again, he was 100% God and 100% man all at once. Marinate on that truth.
-------------------------
In closing, why pursue holiness?
It's the only thing worth living for because God is the only trustworthy, unchanging absolute in man's life / existence, and he's proven that through his son and what his son did on our behalf (atonement).
Be faithful to what God created you to be today by being obedient to him and ever aware of whose you are each and every moment. This is what brings true joy and peace that surpasses understanding, and those two gifts / absolute rights (as adopted sons of God) fuel our pursuit of holiness as our eyes are continually opened to the erroneous "truths" within our culture.
"But as many as received Him, to them He gave THE RIGHT to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God."
John 1: 12-13
Cultural norms embrace depravity. Sin is normalized. There is no higher standard, i.e. perfection or comprehension on any level of God's love / grace for his people because man is god himself.
What drives these lies is the illusion of authority each of us is exposed to on a daily basis. Our own independent authority. This is authenticated by the single family home, the singular automobile, my pocket computer, my vocation, my retirement account, my children, my hobbies, my church, my sexuality and so forth. All of which reinforces the singular concept of ME and my rights and my independent authority.
Ultimately, it comes down to being convinced that I'm accountable to no one and that none of these aforementioned items are anything other than RIGHTS.
Well, that's just horseshit.
-------------------------
God brought you into being. It's by his grace that you exist and receive the tangible "rights" that are at your disposal each and every day. He put you on this Earth at this point in time on whatever soil he chose - for one reason - to glorify him.
But, if you were to listen to our culture, that truth would never come through. And without that truth, we're simply never going to comprehend holiness because we do not on any level comprehend God.
Therefore, what can we do to comprehend God?
Look to his Son. It's the easiest, most prolific source of knowledge relative to God and his holiness, and what's so helpful about studying the life of Jesus, as it's presented within the gospels, is you'll in tandem see a man who glorifies God (his Heavenly Father).
-------------------------
But Jesus didn't have a single family home, an automobile, a pocket computer, a vocation, a retirement account, children, hobbies, church home, or even have sex - all of which separate my mindset from his own! All I can say to that is he was 100% God and 100% man all at once yet still served as the perfect standard for achieving consistent holiness, day after day after day. My advice to you (and to myself) is to put those cultural shelters aside within your mind / soul long enough to empathize with Christ. And I'll say it again, he was 100% God and 100% man all at once. Marinate on that truth.
-------------------------
In closing, why pursue holiness?
It's the only thing worth living for because God is the only trustworthy, unchanging absolute in man's life / existence, and he's proven that through his son and what his son did on our behalf (atonement).
Be faithful to what God created you to be today by being obedient to him and ever aware of whose you are each and every moment. This is what brings true joy and peace that surpasses understanding, and those two gifts / absolute rights (as adopted sons of God) fuel our pursuit of holiness as our eyes are continually opened to the erroneous "truths" within our culture.
"But as many as received Him, to them He gave THE RIGHT to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God."
John 1: 12-13
Sunday, September 1, 2019
No One Really Cares About Your Problems (Except Perhaps Your Momma)
I met one of the most devout Christian men I'd ever run across back in 2006. He was from small town Mississippi, having recently been appointed to a state government administrative position here in Jackson. This position entailed he soon replace his "second in command" who was a man whom had served within the state agency he'd been appointed to for decades.
Within most administrative state government positions / lineage, individuals stay put 'till their eligible via PERS to retire. This devout Christian man was no different, though via this new appointment, he was given the opportunity to work within a more challenging / influential position and subsequently, make more money (both then and expectedly during his future retirement tenure).
I was overjoyed to be interviewed by this man for the aforementioned "second in command" position. I was young, but had the leadership skills / drive to do the job well - and man, did I ever want to take on this challenge! Nonetheless, I didn't make the cut. And especially considering this man's obvious Christian stance, I was no doubt extremely disappointed.
Christian bosses had never been part of my vocational narrative up to that point. Ever. Even during architecture school - if not especially during architecture school - pagans lead the way.
The entire notion of working for a devout Christian was incredibly appealing to me. I just knew I would excel within that kind of environment - knowing that I would be reporting directly to him!
-------------------------
Two years past and I received a telephone call from this man - my devout Christian superhero!
The good news of an open position hit me like a love bomb. I was elated to now have the opportunity to work for this man.
Henceforth, I was on my way to becoming a bureaucrat! Hurray!
--------------------------
Despite my not being appointed at this time to the originally sought "second in command" position, I excelled as a minion, working diligently to use my skillset on behalf of the state of Mississippi. I really enjoyed the work and actually didn't mind the arduous workload despite my not actually seeing my Christian Superhero much at all. On the exterior, it was all such a breath of fresh air for me.
-------------------------
Now, let's talk about what was going on personally within Rob during this time.
This was well before I became privy to Samson Society, therefore my struggles with worthlessness / Internet porn were running absolutely unchecked.
To demonstrate this, I remember clearly one day whilst sneaking a quick peek at salacious material online at my bureaucrat cubicle. There came from behind me the following statement: "This was the reason I chose Frank over you."
I swiftly swiveled around in my cubicle, only to see my Christian Superhero there shaming me. I remember looking up at his disappointed countenance, and being so shocked at what he'd just spoken that it left me completely speechless.
"This. Was. The. Reason. I. Chose. Frank. Over. You."
Essentially, I had now received confirmation of the fact that Rob was (and perhaps always had been) nothing more in his mind than a liability. Just. Like. That.
-------------------------
Christian Superhero never spoke to me after he made that adjudication. Not. One. Word. (I kind of like separating my words like that). And this was despite my additional 3 to 4 years of working at that bureau.
It reminded me (whilst looking back) on the time my father shamed me intensely (as a middle schooler) over my masturbation habit by repeatedly attempting to catch me in the act. I can only assume that Christian Superhero must have suspected something, and therefore took it upon himself to take the same approach my father had all those years ago.
Suffice to say, overall, my father has quite the penchant for reminding me of how I qualify within his mind as a liability - for numerous problematic reasons that go far beyond my middle school days. Hence, I steer clear of him as much as I can. As you might imagine, from this point forward, I did the same with Christian Superhero, though thankfully, that wasn't all that hard to do because as I mentioned prior, he seemed to intentionally steer clear of me after this particular juncture.
-------------------------
The hard lesson here for all of us is that a man's hopes and dreams of being intentionally cared for in relation to his own personal struggles (whatever they may be) aren't likely to pan out outside of a community like Samson Society.
Even within the most well-intentioned churches with the most devout Christian Superheroes, if there's an opportunity to discount / label another man as a liability to the group (body), that labeling will typically come about.
And we all do this as sinners. In fact, I find myself doing it every day whether I'm panning the congregation from the choir loft at Lakeside Pres or eyeing the panhandler standing on the curb on my way to the office each morning.
Liability there. Liability there. Liability over there. Liability there. Liability there. Liabilities everywhere!
It just feels so good to look down on people. Doesn't it?
-------------------------
This is why it's so critical that men seek help (and hopefully eventually find it) for their problems / personal struggles. If not, their problems / personal struggles will dramatically undermine both their present and future as it relates to their marriage, vocation, and so forth. It's only a matter of time.
All the more reason to take the resource of Samson Society very, very seriously, and give thanks to God for making it available to you and me both.
Within most administrative state government positions / lineage, individuals stay put 'till their eligible via PERS to retire. This devout Christian man was no different, though via this new appointment, he was given the opportunity to work within a more challenging / influential position and subsequently, make more money (both then and expectedly during his future retirement tenure).
I was overjoyed to be interviewed by this man for the aforementioned "second in command" position. I was young, but had the leadership skills / drive to do the job well - and man, did I ever want to take on this challenge! Nonetheless, I didn't make the cut. And especially considering this man's obvious Christian stance, I was no doubt extremely disappointed.
Christian bosses had never been part of my vocational narrative up to that point. Ever. Even during architecture school - if not especially during architecture school - pagans lead the way.
The entire notion of working for a devout Christian was incredibly appealing to me. I just knew I would excel within that kind of environment - knowing that I would be reporting directly to him!
-------------------------
Two years past and I received a telephone call from this man - my devout Christian superhero!
The good news of an open position hit me like a love bomb. I was elated to now have the opportunity to work for this man.
Henceforth, I was on my way to becoming a bureaucrat! Hurray!
--------------------------
Despite my not being appointed at this time to the originally sought "second in command" position, I excelled as a minion, working diligently to use my skillset on behalf of the state of Mississippi. I really enjoyed the work and actually didn't mind the arduous workload despite my not actually seeing my Christian Superhero much at all. On the exterior, it was all such a breath of fresh air for me.
-------------------------
Now, let's talk about what was going on personally within Rob during this time.
This was well before I became privy to Samson Society, therefore my struggles with worthlessness / Internet porn were running absolutely unchecked.
To demonstrate this, I remember clearly one day whilst sneaking a quick peek at salacious material online at my bureaucrat cubicle. There came from behind me the following statement: "This was the reason I chose Frank over you."
I swiftly swiveled around in my cubicle, only to see my Christian Superhero there shaming me. I remember looking up at his disappointed countenance, and being so shocked at what he'd just spoken that it left me completely speechless.
"This. Was. The. Reason. I. Chose. Frank. Over. You."
Essentially, I had now received confirmation of the fact that Rob was (and perhaps always had been) nothing more in his mind than a liability. Just. Like. That.
-------------------------
Christian Superhero never spoke to me after he made that adjudication. Not. One. Word. (I kind of like separating my words like that). And this was despite my additional 3 to 4 years of working at that bureau.
It reminded me (whilst looking back) on the time my father shamed me intensely (as a middle schooler) over my masturbation habit by repeatedly attempting to catch me in the act. I can only assume that Christian Superhero must have suspected something, and therefore took it upon himself to take the same approach my father had all those years ago.
Suffice to say, overall, my father has quite the penchant for reminding me of how I qualify within his mind as a liability - for numerous problematic reasons that go far beyond my middle school days. Hence, I steer clear of him as much as I can. As you might imagine, from this point forward, I did the same with Christian Superhero, though thankfully, that wasn't all that hard to do because as I mentioned prior, he seemed to intentionally steer clear of me after this particular juncture.
-------------------------
The hard lesson here for all of us is that a man's hopes and dreams of being intentionally cared for in relation to his own personal struggles (whatever they may be) aren't likely to pan out outside of a community like Samson Society.
Even within the most well-intentioned churches with the most devout Christian Superheroes, if there's an opportunity to discount / label another man as a liability to the group (body), that labeling will typically come about.
And we all do this as sinners. In fact, I find myself doing it every day whether I'm panning the congregation from the choir loft at Lakeside Pres or eyeing the panhandler standing on the curb on my way to the office each morning.
Liability there. Liability there. Liability over there. Liability there. Liability there. Liabilities everywhere!
It just feels so good to look down on people. Doesn't it?
-------------------------
This is why it's so critical that men seek help (and hopefully eventually find it) for their problems / personal struggles. If not, their problems / personal struggles will dramatically undermine both their present and future as it relates to their marriage, vocation, and so forth. It's only a matter of time.
All the more reason to take the resource of Samson Society very, very seriously, and give thanks to God for making it available to you and me both.
Saturday, August 31, 2019
Harkens Back
Is there any more definitive venue than high school football games that parlay out the masculine and feminine roles? Teenagers expertly ramp this up considerably with their hormones and cliche demeanor. Athletes, cheerleaders, dance squads. Drum line, flag girls, mascots. And on and on it goes. Everyone has their specific role with absolutely no overlap. Males here. Females there. This uniform, that uniform. That build. That pose. Those rituals.
I would know because I too was once a teen, and during my high school career, I spent most every Friday night at the football field. Rob attended a small private academy in Madison. Having graduated in 1990, this school was definitely not in its prime academically, but from an athletics standpoint, we held our ground quite well.
My involvement in the marching band is what dictated my attendance at each and every game. I played clarinet when I wasn't drum majoring. I did this because my backside is my best side, therefore what better way to make a good impression?
-------------------------
Yesterday, I had lunch with my oldest friend. Like myself, he has an 11th grade daughter who's attending a sizable local high school. I asked if he attended the Friday night football games. He said no, but that his daughter did with her friends.
This friend adores football, and his daughter's high school team is renowned for being very competitive, therefore why didn't he attend the games with her, taking his younger son along too?
He decreed that because it's varsity football, he's uninterested. Hmmm....
-------------------------
I experience feelings of worthlessness whilst attending my daughter's high school football games, but despite this fact, I'm there at every home game due to the fact that Caroline (my 11th grade daughter) is on the dance team.
Where are these feelings originating from?
Frankly, I'm not completely sure, but I do know it has a lot to do with how attending these games harkens back to my teenage years.
Imagine feeling like a plant, say a Holly Bush, whilst watching / playing music at your high school's football games. That's how I felt as a teenager. Literally. Plants are simply background here in Mississippi due to the fact that they're everywhere. Also, plants come across as asexual. Too, that was an identifier for me.
Also, plants have no brain. Again, I can relate. The game of football, for the longest time, befuddled me, but that was especially the case in high school. I simply could not keep up with whom had the ball, what down it was, and which team was headed in which direction.
So, last night at the Northwest Rankin versus Gulfport High football game, I was the Holly Bush in the stands. Certainly, I'd grown a little since 1988, but overall, I was still just a benign plant. And frankly, it prompted many more negative feelings than I'd like to be dealing with right now.
-------------------------
Now, back to my old friend whom I mentioned earlier.
Jesse had a shitty high school experience. I know this because he's described it to me. He went to public school down in south Mississippi, and he was the consummate outcast. Some of the hi-jinx he endured, were I to record them here, would make you cringe in vicarious shame.
And that's why (I believe) he steers clear of his daughter's high school football games. For him, college served as a relief valve. An escape from hell in so many ways. Therefore, his Mississippi State Bulldogs, he lives to support through and through in honor of that specific collegiate era of his life.
-------------------------
It is so weird feeling like a fucking plant.
I would know because I too was once a teen, and during my high school career, I spent most every Friday night at the football field. Rob attended a small private academy in Madison. Having graduated in 1990, this school was definitely not in its prime academically, but from an athletics standpoint, we held our ground quite well.
My involvement in the marching band is what dictated my attendance at each and every game. I played clarinet when I wasn't drum majoring. I did this because my backside is my best side, therefore what better way to make a good impression?
-------------------------
Yesterday, I had lunch with my oldest friend. Like myself, he has an 11th grade daughter who's attending a sizable local high school. I asked if he attended the Friday night football games. He said no, but that his daughter did with her friends.
This friend adores football, and his daughter's high school team is renowned for being very competitive, therefore why didn't he attend the games with her, taking his younger son along too?
He decreed that because it's varsity football, he's uninterested. Hmmm....
-------------------------
I experience feelings of worthlessness whilst attending my daughter's high school football games, but despite this fact, I'm there at every home game due to the fact that Caroline (my 11th grade daughter) is on the dance team.
Where are these feelings originating from?
Frankly, I'm not completely sure, but I do know it has a lot to do with how attending these games harkens back to my teenage years.
Imagine feeling like a plant, say a Holly Bush, whilst watching / playing music at your high school's football games. That's how I felt as a teenager. Literally. Plants are simply background here in Mississippi due to the fact that they're everywhere. Also, plants come across as asexual. Too, that was an identifier for me.
Also, plants have no brain. Again, I can relate. The game of football, for the longest time, befuddled me, but that was especially the case in high school. I simply could not keep up with whom had the ball, what down it was, and which team was headed in which direction.
So, last night at the Northwest Rankin versus Gulfport High football game, I was the Holly Bush in the stands. Certainly, I'd grown a little since 1988, but overall, I was still just a benign plant. And frankly, it prompted many more negative feelings than I'd like to be dealing with right now.
-------------------------
Now, back to my old friend whom I mentioned earlier.
Jesse had a shitty high school experience. I know this because he's described it to me. He went to public school down in south Mississippi, and he was the consummate outcast. Some of the hi-jinx he endured, were I to record them here, would make you cringe in vicarious shame.
And that's why (I believe) he steers clear of his daughter's high school football games. For him, college served as a relief valve. An escape from hell in so many ways. Therefore, his Mississippi State Bulldogs, he lives to support through and through in honor of that specific collegiate era of his life.
-------------------------
It is so weird feeling like a fucking plant.
Samson Society Isn't Where You're Setting Yourself Up To Be Pursued
If my experience over the past 5 years whilst being involved with Samson Society has taught me anything, it's taught me that this ministry is no place to look for opportunities to serve and subsequently, end up being pursued. Now, you likely will serve, if you're asked to be someone's Silas or if you facilitate a group, but coming into this ministry looking for servant opportunities, isn't where it's at.
This is probably the biggest differentiator between Samson Society and any other religious-based ministry involving men.
Men, typically within religious orgs, are expected to serve. They're often asked to lead through serving, in fact. This oftentimes is a precursor for keeping men outside of the walls of churches as they simply do not wish to be relegated to that particular role. But, for those of us who grew up in churches, we observed men of every ilk, serve, serve, serve through their attendance, volunteerism, attitudes, etc.
-------------------------
I have a new friend in Samson Society who's not understanding this as of late, and he's admitted repeatedly that it's simply "in his DNA" to serve. We'll call him a "giver". Therefore, inevitably, oftentimes our conversations end with him asking me how he can be of help - in particular as it relates to me pursuing him as a friend.
Isn't that nice, kind, and considerate of him?
It is, but he's wasting his time here.
It's not that I'm not appreciative of his servitude, but it's not helpful to either me nor him within this community.
So, why is that?
-------------------------
When you position yourself to serve others within Samson Society, you're selling out your own self and the work that you need to do there.
Let me repeat that.
When you position yourself to serve others within Samson Society, you're selling out your own self and the work that you need to do there.
Therefore, this runs counter to the sole purpose of Samson Society.
Samson Society is a selfish, self-focused, self-centered pursuit. Essentially, it's all about you and your recovery / story.
So, what does that look like?
Unlike men in church, you as a Samson Society member make demands of other people. Firstly, you do this by asking another man to be your Silas. From there, you speak up in meetings, taking your opportunity to be heard seriously and very self-focusedly. You don't talk about anyone or anything but what's going on inside your head at that particular moment, and similarly, as you're engaging with your Silas, you do likewise. You focus on you.
You reach out to your Silas as often as you'd like, and you do so with one goal in mind: to appease / serve your own self.
Sounds awfully self-centered, doesn't it?
-------------------------
Stop serving / attempting to serve others within Samson Society! Take pleasure in, for once, doing / experiencing something that's exclusively for your benefit. Within this setting, there's nothing to prove, no goals to meet, no reputation to uphold, therefore enjoy yourself as you focus on your recovery.
And remember, that your recovery benefits those you love outside of Samson Society, therefore by being as self-focused as you need to be within our community, you're actually serving them.
This is probably the biggest differentiator between Samson Society and any other religious-based ministry involving men.
Men, typically within religious orgs, are expected to serve. They're often asked to lead through serving, in fact. This oftentimes is a precursor for keeping men outside of the walls of churches as they simply do not wish to be relegated to that particular role. But, for those of us who grew up in churches, we observed men of every ilk, serve, serve, serve through their attendance, volunteerism, attitudes, etc.
-------------------------
I have a new friend in Samson Society who's not understanding this as of late, and he's admitted repeatedly that it's simply "in his DNA" to serve. We'll call him a "giver". Therefore, inevitably, oftentimes our conversations end with him asking me how he can be of help - in particular as it relates to me pursuing him as a friend.
Isn't that nice, kind, and considerate of him?
It is, but he's wasting his time here.
It's not that I'm not appreciative of his servitude, but it's not helpful to either me nor him within this community.
So, why is that?
-------------------------
When you position yourself to serve others within Samson Society, you're selling out your own self and the work that you need to do there.
Let me repeat that.
When you position yourself to serve others within Samson Society, you're selling out your own self and the work that you need to do there.
Therefore, this runs counter to the sole purpose of Samson Society.
Samson Society is a selfish, self-focused, self-centered pursuit. Essentially, it's all about you and your recovery / story.
So, what does that look like?
Unlike men in church, you as a Samson Society member make demands of other people. Firstly, you do this by asking another man to be your Silas. From there, you speak up in meetings, taking your opportunity to be heard seriously and very self-focusedly. You don't talk about anyone or anything but what's going on inside your head at that particular moment, and similarly, as you're engaging with your Silas, you do likewise. You focus on you.
You reach out to your Silas as often as you'd like, and you do so with one goal in mind: to appease / serve your own self.
Sounds awfully self-centered, doesn't it?
-------------------------
Stop serving / attempting to serve others within Samson Society! Take pleasure in, for once, doing / experiencing something that's exclusively for your benefit. Within this setting, there's nothing to prove, no goals to meet, no reputation to uphold, therefore enjoy yourself as you focus on your recovery.
And remember, that your recovery benefits those you love outside of Samson Society, therefore by being as self-focused as you need to be within our community, you're actually serving them.
Monday, August 26, 2019
Pray For The Waller Family
Typically, rejection is the greatest fear facing men, but for men who choose to run for political office, they must choose to put those specific fears aside.
When I was a boy, my family attended FBC Jackson every Sunday, and many Sunday mornings, Bob, Darlene, and I would sit directly behind the Waller family. Mrs. Waller (Don's mother) typically came to church with a hibiscus bloom pinned to her blouse (if it were this time of year). I remember this because back in the '80s is when churches began having formal "greeting time" during the service, and First Baptist was no different. Ms. Waller would always turn around and say hello, and I'd comment on the beauty of her hibiscus bloom - moreso to be a know-it-all kid than anything else. She would always smile back at me politely prior to acknowledging the frivolities of my botanical knowledge. I loved it!
Fast forward to 2014 and Rob's in over his head via deep emotional trauma, and subsequently ends up in Mrs. Waller's son's office at Summit Counseling. From there, I attend her son's "group" that following Wednesday night, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Each of you has a personal story as to how you came to know Don Waller intimately, though none of you likely have a similar tangential connection to his family as I do.
Nonetheless, I know you care about Don and by association, his family, therefore on behalf of the Waller clan, especially over the next 30 days, be in prayer.
 |
| Top photo looks to be in the spirit of Samson Society. Governor Waller had great hair. |
 |
| Taken during first Samson Society retreat - late Spring of 2016. |
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| Fun at Andrew's abode. |
Sunday, August 18, 2019
Learning To Enjoy The Stink Of Manly BO
Here in America, most men bathe daily. For me, I do it in the morning, though I know some men choose to do so before bed. I prefer mornings because I do not like to feel the oily buildup on my skin later in the day. For whatever reason, it reminds me of the fact that I didn't actually bathe that actual day and this really grates on my nerves.
If I run and subsequently sweat - even just a little, I typically will rinse off with the hose on the patio. Again, I'm working towards not feeling sticky, oily, salty. Dirty.
Immediately following my daily shower, I put on deodorant. I use one particular brand that works well for me. I can remember whilst a teen, using a brand that only came in a cream. It was what I came to know firstly relative to the necessity of deodorant, and boy was it a lot of trouble to deal with. On hot, humid summer days, it took close to 1/2 an hour for the cream to dry under my arms. And as you might imagine, this was and felt incredibly gross as I headed off to school.
For a number of years now, I've been trimming my underarm hair, keeping it very close cut to my skin. I do this because it promotes that feeling of cleanliness (I have loads of armpit hair which I don't appreciate in the least).
-------------------------
We've all run across men who stink of body odor. And this is tough to deal with because everyone mostly expects people to not smell at all unless it's a pleasant smell. There's like an unwritten rule regarding this.
Oftentimes, if you visit nursing homes, you'll find that the residents stink. This is because they're not adept any longer at bathing, therefore they choose not to. Obviously, if you go any number of days without bathing, you're going to start smelling ripe.
But where, overall, do we clean up for the most?
Church.
Even moreso than work, I would argue.
Church demands extra deodorant with a little cologne too.
-------------------------
What is Samson Society?
It's a weekly meeting of Christian men who're willingly exposing their stink to everyone else there. They talk authentically about their marriage, children, vocation, their struggles with fear, anger, lust, anxiety, sexuality, and on and on, and they allow the portion of themselves which consistently stays well hidden (deodorized) to be exposed.
It's as simple an analogy as that.
Now, when you first step into a Samson Society meeting, you're likely going to be somewhat repulsed by the stench. We men hide so much of our true selves that it's become more of a reality to us than actual reality. Therefore, as a newbie, you need to be steady and not become intimidated by the stink.
-------------------------
Back in 2012, my best friend and I signed up to compete in the 5k Warrior Dash right outside of Jackson. This friend was arguably my first Silas despite the fact that neither of us knew anything about Samson Society at the time. Unfortunately, the race was only run by me as my friend chose to bail. My dad was kind enough to accompany me to the site, and I did compete on that very cool spring morning.
Upon completion, I was an absolute mess, covered in mud and filth all over. The greatest disappointment I had was not having my friend there to similarly be covered in muck alongside Rob. I have to admit that it almost seemed sacrilege to be there competing without him by my side.
When you're involved in Samson Society, it's routine to run through the mud, but you do it together. And yes, from start to finish (in heaven) , you do smell pretty awful.
Come join us! It makes our deodorized life so much easier to live.
If I run and subsequently sweat - even just a little, I typically will rinse off with the hose on the patio. Again, I'm working towards not feeling sticky, oily, salty. Dirty.
Immediately following my daily shower, I put on deodorant. I use one particular brand that works well for me. I can remember whilst a teen, using a brand that only came in a cream. It was what I came to know firstly relative to the necessity of deodorant, and boy was it a lot of trouble to deal with. On hot, humid summer days, it took close to 1/2 an hour for the cream to dry under my arms. And as you might imagine, this was and felt incredibly gross as I headed off to school.
For a number of years now, I've been trimming my underarm hair, keeping it very close cut to my skin. I do this because it promotes that feeling of cleanliness (I have loads of armpit hair which I don't appreciate in the least).
-------------------------
We've all run across men who stink of body odor. And this is tough to deal with because everyone mostly expects people to not smell at all unless it's a pleasant smell. There's like an unwritten rule regarding this.
Oftentimes, if you visit nursing homes, you'll find that the residents stink. This is because they're not adept any longer at bathing, therefore they choose not to. Obviously, if you go any number of days without bathing, you're going to start smelling ripe.
But where, overall, do we clean up for the most?
Church.
Even moreso than work, I would argue.
Church demands extra deodorant with a little cologne too.
-------------------------
What is Samson Society?
It's a weekly meeting of Christian men who're willingly exposing their stink to everyone else there. They talk authentically about their marriage, children, vocation, their struggles with fear, anger, lust, anxiety, sexuality, and on and on, and they allow the portion of themselves which consistently stays well hidden (deodorized) to be exposed.
It's as simple an analogy as that.
Now, when you first step into a Samson Society meeting, you're likely going to be somewhat repulsed by the stench. We men hide so much of our true selves that it's become more of a reality to us than actual reality. Therefore, as a newbie, you need to be steady and not become intimidated by the stink.
-------------------------
Back in 2012, my best friend and I signed up to compete in the 5k Warrior Dash right outside of Jackson. This friend was arguably my first Silas despite the fact that neither of us knew anything about Samson Society at the time. Unfortunately, the race was only run by me as my friend chose to bail. My dad was kind enough to accompany me to the site, and I did compete on that very cool spring morning.
Upon completion, I was an absolute mess, covered in mud and filth all over. The greatest disappointment I had was not having my friend there to similarly be covered in muck alongside Rob. I have to admit that it almost seemed sacrilege to be there competing without him by my side.
When you're involved in Samson Society, it's routine to run through the mud, but you do it together. And yes, from start to finish (in heaven) , you do smell pretty awful.
Come join us! It makes our deodorized life so much easier to live.
Friday, August 16, 2019
Christianity Isn't About Being Caught In Your Sin; It's About Being Released From Depravity (& Subsequently Being Able to Take a Whole Lotta Crap)
You are to be transformed in Christ.
That's the point of Christianity.
And in doing so, become like him.
Who is Jesus Christ?
So strong.
So resilient.
So humble.
So much of a servant.
Strong enough to die for men who despised him and all he stood for.
All the while, hating religion and the religious leadership.
Embracing others' pain yet never minimizing his own.
"Strike me instead!"
This was his love for humanity.
As Christians, that same love lives within us.
Therefore, we're no longer our own, and life becomes all about pointing everyone around us towards Christ through our words, our actions, and - most importantly - our motives.
-------------------------
What does this look like?
It means we're loyal to a fault to Christ-honoring good works. We give every ounce of ourselves to be used by God. Our focus is on what we're called to do for others, expecting nothing in response except being asked for more. And our attitudes are reflective of our being cognizant of the grace that's been / being bestowed on us.
Also, we're expected to suffer, often to be abandoned and many times demonized. Our motives questioned, our goodness and blessings envied, and ultimately, our lives targeted for execution by Satan and all of his many demons.
This is following Christ. It inundates every part of our lives - vocation, friendships, marriage, rearing children, volunteer work and so forth. And it will likely make our life exceedingly hard via our own disappointments and unfaithfulness as well as the disappointments and unfaithfulness brought on by others.
So why would anyone wish to take part in this transformation?
Faith in the unseen. Faith which is of God. Imbued within us. That cannot be ignored, wished, or rationalized away. Faith which firstly serves to expose us to our sin prior to giving us the ability to reach towards our Savior.
This is why Christians are some of the weirdest, seemingly weakest / most close-minded people on Earth. And this makes them easy to spot, hate, and take advantage of. Which they expect.
That's the point of Christianity.
And in doing so, become like him.
Who is Jesus Christ?
So strong.
So resilient.
So humble.
So much of a servant.
Strong enough to die for men who despised him and all he stood for.
All the while, hating religion and the religious leadership.
Embracing others' pain yet never minimizing his own.
"Strike me instead!"
This was his love for humanity.
As Christians, that same love lives within us.
Therefore, we're no longer our own, and life becomes all about pointing everyone around us towards Christ through our words, our actions, and - most importantly - our motives.
-------------------------
What does this look like?
It means we're loyal to a fault to Christ-honoring good works. We give every ounce of ourselves to be used by God. Our focus is on what we're called to do for others, expecting nothing in response except being asked for more. And our attitudes are reflective of our being cognizant of the grace that's been / being bestowed on us.
Also, we're expected to suffer, often to be abandoned and many times demonized. Our motives questioned, our goodness and blessings envied, and ultimately, our lives targeted for execution by Satan and all of his many demons.
This is following Christ. It inundates every part of our lives - vocation, friendships, marriage, rearing children, volunteer work and so forth. And it will likely make our life exceedingly hard via our own disappointments and unfaithfulness as well as the disappointments and unfaithfulness brought on by others.
So why would anyone wish to take part in this transformation?
Faith in the unseen. Faith which is of God. Imbued within us. That cannot be ignored, wished, or rationalized away. Faith which firstly serves to expose us to our sin prior to giving us the ability to reach towards our Savior.
This is why Christians are some of the weirdest, seemingly weakest / most close-minded people on Earth. And this makes them easy to spot, hate, and take advantage of. Which they expect.
The Depressing Pragmatics of Casual Sex
I recently read an interesting (at least to me) statistic. Individuals who sport tattoos are more likely to be involved in more casual sex than those of us who are ink-free.
The mainstreaming of tattoos over the past decade has left me awestruck. Literally. It's especially noticeable whilst working out at the Y / swimming at the pool, beach. Hence, my interest in that stat.
I really enjoy talking / writing about sex, but I've only had sex with one other human being. Angie. I joke around with Samson men that a healthy marriage bed is one where intercourse occurs nightly, but in actuality, that's completely unrealistic.
On the first day of my second job at a local architecture firm, one of my bosses kindly took me on a first-day, "welcome to the fold" lunch. A number of colleagues accompanied us, and one in particular made the comment to me that year one (and two) of marriage sex should be tracked as follows: Put an empty jar on the nightstand, immediately following the honeymoon, adjacent to the marriage bed, and drop a toothpick into it symbolically each time intercourse occurs throughout year one. Conversely, remove a toothpick during year two after exhaling via marriage sex satisfaction.
In summary, he stated that you'll never remove all of the toothpicks within year two that you put into the jar during year one due to the fact that the frequency of marriage sex inevitably declines.
This truth unfortunately can serve as fuel for casual sex, which in the case of an existing marriage, qualifies as adultery.
-------------------------
So, what is casual sex?
It's sexual activity that's outside of God's will. But here, I'm referring exclusively to that which occurs physically (not simply within fantasy).
I've had one friend over the years who embraced casual sex as routine. He was married, but his marriage bed was only (during that season) used for sleeping. I remember being shocked at how persistent he was at seduction and nonchalant relative to the physical outcomes. He lived far, far away from Mississippi, therefore I felt at ease knowing our friendship was only cultivatable electronically.
There were two things that stayed with me (which he shared openly) regarding his experiences with casual sex.
1. Casual sex is often nothing more than pity sex.
Pity sex is close in line to engaging with a prostitute. It's more of a transaction than anything else. Terribly, terribly cheap.
2. Casual sex involves 2 distinct individuals, both of which have expectations regarding the sexual experience.
Again, think of it more as a transaction, not unlike a cross pollinating prostitution experience, but more often than not, both sexual expectations aren't equally met. In other words, someone gets the short end of the stick.
-------------------------
Our culture, especially fueled by video entertainment, equates casual sexual experiences as altogether healthy / helpful to humanity, and therefore through this myth, we're tricked into believing what we see onscreen. This hedonistic pursuit of sexual activity that puts horniness in the same category as hungry or bored.
Do you recall the first casual sex scene (or any visual depiction of sex onscreen within a mainstream video entertainment production) you screened? It was pretty hot looking, wasn't it? Made you kind of entranced, didn't it? And, never did either item 1 or 2 listed above become realized within these productions, did it? Why?
Because reality typically sucks when it comes to casual sex and its fallout, and this is why Scripture is clear as to why it should be avoided outright.
The mainstreaming of tattoos over the past decade has left me awestruck. Literally. It's especially noticeable whilst working out at the Y / swimming at the pool, beach. Hence, my interest in that stat.
I really enjoy talking / writing about sex, but I've only had sex with one other human being. Angie. I joke around with Samson men that a healthy marriage bed is one where intercourse occurs nightly, but in actuality, that's completely unrealistic.
On the first day of my second job at a local architecture firm, one of my bosses kindly took me on a first-day, "welcome to the fold" lunch. A number of colleagues accompanied us, and one in particular made the comment to me that year one (and two) of marriage sex should be tracked as follows: Put an empty jar on the nightstand, immediately following the honeymoon, adjacent to the marriage bed, and drop a toothpick into it symbolically each time intercourse occurs throughout year one. Conversely, remove a toothpick during year two after exhaling via marriage sex satisfaction.
In summary, he stated that you'll never remove all of the toothpicks within year two that you put into the jar during year one due to the fact that the frequency of marriage sex inevitably declines.
This truth unfortunately can serve as fuel for casual sex, which in the case of an existing marriage, qualifies as adultery.
-------------------------
So, what is casual sex?
It's sexual activity that's outside of God's will. But here, I'm referring exclusively to that which occurs physically (not simply within fantasy).
I've had one friend over the years who embraced casual sex as routine. He was married, but his marriage bed was only (during that season) used for sleeping. I remember being shocked at how persistent he was at seduction and nonchalant relative to the physical outcomes. He lived far, far away from Mississippi, therefore I felt at ease knowing our friendship was only cultivatable electronically.
There were two things that stayed with me (which he shared openly) regarding his experiences with casual sex.
1. Casual sex is often nothing more than pity sex.
Pity sex is close in line to engaging with a prostitute. It's more of a transaction than anything else. Terribly, terribly cheap.
2. Casual sex involves 2 distinct individuals, both of which have expectations regarding the sexual experience.
Again, think of it more as a transaction, not unlike a cross pollinating prostitution experience, but more often than not, both sexual expectations aren't equally met. In other words, someone gets the short end of the stick.
-------------------------
Our culture, especially fueled by video entertainment, equates casual sexual experiences as altogether healthy / helpful to humanity, and therefore through this myth, we're tricked into believing what we see onscreen. This hedonistic pursuit of sexual activity that puts horniness in the same category as hungry or bored.
Do you recall the first casual sex scene (or any visual depiction of sex onscreen within a mainstream video entertainment production) you screened? It was pretty hot looking, wasn't it? Made you kind of entranced, didn't it? And, never did either item 1 or 2 listed above become realized within these productions, did it? Why?
Because reality typically sucks when it comes to casual sex and its fallout, and this is why Scripture is clear as to why it should be avoided outright.
Monday, August 12, 2019
Laying Together = Praying Together
Husbands tend to be the seducers. That's why it's so critical for boyfriends to keep their hands off whilst dating. We have a knack for urging a woman to round the bases with us due to how we're wired as the aggressors. Plus, virgin women's bodies are VERY alluring to us. Of course, much about them (hips, breasts, back) is soft and curvaceous which is the complete opposite to how we men are built.
The same seduction concept applies relative to leading a wife spirituality, in particular as it relates to the spiritual discipline of prayer.
Oftentimes, frequency of intercourse lessens when the husband determines another means to "say Amen with his junk". Too, Internet pornography can become a slippery slope in that regard. Add to that the reality that wives often work outside the home, become mothers. Hence, despite their having less energy to begin with, they're often saddled with many more responsibilities than their husbands. All of this creates a perfect storm for sexual / spiritual neglect.
Praying together should occur with the same frequency as intercourse. Not necessarily within the same setting but equally as frequent. And yes, over time, both are susceptible to being scheduled out of most anyone's marriage.
Why should prayer be exercised with the same frequency as intercourse within marriage?
They're the same act in many regards in terms of the level of vulnerability, concentration / intentional one on one time together needed. Therefore, both acts celebrate marriage - husband + wife.
When you're married, having intercourse with someone other than your spouse is forbidden. Now, you might pray with someone of the same sex (friend), but it would for sure be out of bounds to pray with someone of the opposite sex. Awk-ward.
Based on my very unscientific research, most husbands abhor praying with their wives, but love the idea of performing oral sex on her any day of the week (unless she's menstruating, of course) either as part of foreplay to intercourse or to simply provide her with an oral induced orgasm as he observes her body from such a sanctimonious angle. The notion of said husband being allowed between his wife's legs, that symbolism of submission and so forth absolutely resonates with his masculinity!
As Christian men, there's something wrong with this picture. To pray with your wife should be no less captivating than performing cunnilingus.
Keep this in mind: At some point in the future, if you're wife's health falters, and her ability to continue forward with the sexual narrative you two have established over the course of your marriage suffers, there may very well be no sexual recourse for you going forward unless you choose to abandon her. And this essentially will serve as a massive breach of your marriage vows. Remember "To Death Do Us Part."?
Why not invest with similar abandon in praying together now, just in case your libido flies out the window next month?
Like sexual activity, praying together can happen spur of the moment or be calendared. Your choice. And also like sexual activity, it can be quick or drawn out. Too, there are numerous positions of prayer that can be explored. Think of it as motionless Kama Sutra.
Husbands, here is your assignment to get this kick started:
1. Both you and your wife sit down on the loveseat / couch together.
2.5. Both of you naked. (Literally in your birthday suits.)
3. Hold hands.
3.5. Close your eyes. (This is important.)
4. Each of you ask the other - "How can I pray for you?"
5. Husband pray. Wife pray. (Or vice versa.)
6. From there, let the Spirit move you.
Always remember: Laying Together = Praying Together. They're equal in what they symbolize / accomplish, therefore participate in both with equal abandon.
Prayer is just as intense, just as appropriate, just as honoring of what your marriage represents within God's eyes as a powerful lay.
My hope is that you get praid tonight!
The same seduction concept applies relative to leading a wife spirituality, in particular as it relates to the spiritual discipline of prayer.
Oftentimes, frequency of intercourse lessens when the husband determines another means to "say Amen with his junk". Too, Internet pornography can become a slippery slope in that regard. Add to that the reality that wives often work outside the home, become mothers. Hence, despite their having less energy to begin with, they're often saddled with many more responsibilities than their husbands. All of this creates a perfect storm for sexual / spiritual neglect.
Praying together should occur with the same frequency as intercourse. Not necessarily within the same setting but equally as frequent. And yes, over time, both are susceptible to being scheduled out of most anyone's marriage.
Why should prayer be exercised with the same frequency as intercourse within marriage?
They're the same act in many regards in terms of the level of vulnerability, concentration / intentional one on one time together needed. Therefore, both acts celebrate marriage - husband + wife.
When you're married, having intercourse with someone other than your spouse is forbidden. Now, you might pray with someone of the same sex (friend), but it would for sure be out of bounds to pray with someone of the opposite sex. Awk-ward.
Based on my very unscientific research, most husbands abhor praying with their wives, but love the idea of performing oral sex on her any day of the week (unless she's menstruating, of course) either as part of foreplay to intercourse or to simply provide her with an oral induced orgasm as he observes her body from such a sanctimonious angle. The notion of said husband being allowed between his wife's legs, that symbolism of submission and so forth absolutely resonates with his masculinity!
As Christian men, there's something wrong with this picture. To pray with your wife should be no less captivating than performing cunnilingus.
Keep this in mind: At some point in the future, if you're wife's health falters, and her ability to continue forward with the sexual narrative you two have established over the course of your marriage suffers, there may very well be no sexual recourse for you going forward unless you choose to abandon her. And this essentially will serve as a massive breach of your marriage vows. Remember "To Death Do Us Part."?
Why not invest with similar abandon in praying together now, just in case your libido flies out the window next month?
Like sexual activity, praying together can happen spur of the moment or be calendared. Your choice. And also like sexual activity, it can be quick or drawn out. Too, there are numerous positions of prayer that can be explored. Think of it as motionless Kama Sutra.
Husbands, here is your assignment to get this kick started:
1. Both you and your wife sit down on the loveseat / couch together.
2.5. Both of you naked. (Literally in your birthday suits.)
3. Hold hands.
3.5. Close your eyes. (This is important.)
4. Each of you ask the other - "How can I pray for you?"
5. Husband pray. Wife pray. (Or vice versa.)
6. From there, let the Spirit move you.
Always remember: Laying Together = Praying Together. They're equal in what they symbolize / accomplish, therefore participate in both with equal abandon.
Prayer is just as intense, just as appropriate, just as honoring of what your marriage represents within God's eyes as a powerful lay.
My hope is that you get praid tonight!
Sunday, August 11, 2019
Craving Encouragement
At this stage in my life, I rarely crave encouragement. But, that's not the case as of late. Therefore, I feel embarrassed to admit to this need. So much so, in fact, that I absolutely don't wish to post this here.
Years ago, I had my second meeting with a prominent local attorney who'd somewhat watched me grow up at First Baptist Church Jackson. He asked me to rendezvous with him at his office inside the bowels of his impressive law firm, and from there, I admitted to being then where I'm at today - craving encouragement.
I'll not soon forget what he responded with. It was so lame that I can't even type it. For someone with so much respect and notoriety in the state of Mississippi...wow it was an incredibly disappointing response. I'm hoping he was simply having an off day.
Encouragement, as you age, I have found, comes less and less. As your body shrinks, your hair grays / thins, your mind slows, people take note and assume you're settled into yourself - so to speak. Especially family and friends. Therefore, there's much more criticism or criticism through silence than anything else at my stage of life. And frankly, this truth sucks.
-------------------------
In the face of my need to be encouraged over the course of this weekend, I remembered a dead man and what little of his life I was privileged to be privy to.
In the past, Lakeside Presbyterian Church was lead, almost exclusively, by one particular Type AAA elder. I never had the opportunity to meet him, but I watched him from afar. I remember attending a pilot Sunday School class that he taught at our church, and him stating how he loved John Wayne. So much so that he regularly watched his movies on Saturday afternoons. This man was built like John Wayne but more muscular. He was +/-12 to 15 years older than I (inside the physical body of a much younger man), with two grown children and a beautiful wife. He served our community as a local judge, and had for much of his career.
To say that his presence was intimidating was an understatement. I remember distinctly that he had the longest eyelashes of any man I'd ever seen. Literally, it was as if he was perfect through and through. Incredible looks, intelligence, respect, prominence in the community, solid family, and on and on.
Nevertheless, I never returned to his Sunday School class after that initial meeting. I simply felt to inept in his presence. His masculinity was so intense that it literally was like being in the presence of John Wayne's clone. Overwhelming.
But this man and all he represented came to an end on Good Friday, 2015, having driven himself to a roadside stop on the Natchez Trace where he shot himself. From what I understand, it was another prominent elder of Lakeside Pres who found his corpse. What a horrible day that was for our church and our community.
-------------------------
Therefore, to summarize, the most manliest of men I've ever met killed himself. It's mind boggling for me to fathom even today. All that notoriety, respect, physical prowess, influence, etc. was turned on its head that day. All of us touched by this man experienced utter shock.
And by ruminating on his suicide, I'm finding myself returning to what I know to be right and true.
I had just come through the darkest valley of my soul around the same time Mr. Fairly killed himself, and my doing so was only attributable to God's grace. I can remember so vividly how much I rejoiced to no longer feel such constant, intense emotional pain accompanied by those cruel voices beseeching me to harm my own self.
And from there going forward, I stand in awe as to what God has done for Rob.
There is nothing that I can describe to you that compares to feeling what I felt during those dark days, nor is there any recourse greater than having come out on the opposite side.
Why did Dan Fairly do what he did? How long had he suffered? Did he too, reach out to other men for encouragement, only to find glib responses? And finally, why did I survive, and he didn't?
What feels like eternal darkness makes a lifetime impression. May I never forget the restoration I received, nor the potential macabre "solution" I avoided, only to live on with my story to share and henceforth, encouragement to give.
Can there be no other emotionally cataclysmic event than suicide, brought on by hopelessness and despair?
Lord, give me the courage to speak up, never to hide, and to always remember the valley I endured. Especially during times when I'm craving forlorn encouragement.
Years ago, I had my second meeting with a prominent local attorney who'd somewhat watched me grow up at First Baptist Church Jackson. He asked me to rendezvous with him at his office inside the bowels of his impressive law firm, and from there, I admitted to being then where I'm at today - craving encouragement.
I'll not soon forget what he responded with. It was so lame that I can't even type it. For someone with so much respect and notoriety in the state of Mississippi...wow it was an incredibly disappointing response. I'm hoping he was simply having an off day.
Encouragement, as you age, I have found, comes less and less. As your body shrinks, your hair grays / thins, your mind slows, people take note and assume you're settled into yourself - so to speak. Especially family and friends. Therefore, there's much more criticism or criticism through silence than anything else at my stage of life. And frankly, this truth sucks.
-------------------------
In the face of my need to be encouraged over the course of this weekend, I remembered a dead man and what little of his life I was privileged to be privy to.
In the past, Lakeside Presbyterian Church was lead, almost exclusively, by one particular Type AAA elder. I never had the opportunity to meet him, but I watched him from afar. I remember attending a pilot Sunday School class that he taught at our church, and him stating how he loved John Wayne. So much so that he regularly watched his movies on Saturday afternoons. This man was built like John Wayne but more muscular. He was +/-12 to 15 years older than I (inside the physical body of a much younger man), with two grown children and a beautiful wife. He served our community as a local judge, and had for much of his career.
To say that his presence was intimidating was an understatement. I remember distinctly that he had the longest eyelashes of any man I'd ever seen. Literally, it was as if he was perfect through and through. Incredible looks, intelligence, respect, prominence in the community, solid family, and on and on.
Nevertheless, I never returned to his Sunday School class after that initial meeting. I simply felt to inept in his presence. His masculinity was so intense that it literally was like being in the presence of John Wayne's clone. Overwhelming.
But this man and all he represented came to an end on Good Friday, 2015, having driven himself to a roadside stop on the Natchez Trace where he shot himself. From what I understand, it was another prominent elder of Lakeside Pres who found his corpse. What a horrible day that was for our church and our community.
-------------------------
Therefore, to summarize, the most manliest of men I've ever met killed himself. It's mind boggling for me to fathom even today. All that notoriety, respect, physical prowess, influence, etc. was turned on its head that day. All of us touched by this man experienced utter shock.
And by ruminating on his suicide, I'm finding myself returning to what I know to be right and true.
I had just come through the darkest valley of my soul around the same time Mr. Fairly killed himself, and my doing so was only attributable to God's grace. I can remember so vividly how much I rejoiced to no longer feel such constant, intense emotional pain accompanied by those cruel voices beseeching me to harm my own self.
And from there going forward, I stand in awe as to what God has done for Rob.
There is nothing that I can describe to you that compares to feeling what I felt during those dark days, nor is there any recourse greater than having come out on the opposite side.
Why did Dan Fairly do what he did? How long had he suffered? Did he too, reach out to other men for encouragement, only to find glib responses? And finally, why did I survive, and he didn't?
What feels like eternal darkness makes a lifetime impression. May I never forget the restoration I received, nor the potential macabre "solution" I avoided, only to live on with my story to share and henceforth, encouragement to give.
Can there be no other emotionally cataclysmic event than suicide, brought on by hopelessness and despair?
Lord, give me the courage to speak up, never to hide, and to always remember the valley I endured. Especially during times when I'm craving forlorn encouragement.
Thursday, August 8, 2019
Shunned
I make a distinct first impression, primarily due to my voice. If you haven't heard me speak, I sound female to an awful lot of people. Just last week, I had a mid-westerner tell me that I had a very unique speaking voice which meant he thought I sounded like a girl. On the inside, I winced slightly at that, but overall when I stop to readily admit to it, I'm at peace with that truth.
Therefore, unless I've never spoken to you, you're going to likely remember a previous encounter with me due to the fact that my voice serves as an imprint or identifier. It's that unique (especially here in Mississippi where most men's heavy southern dialect - which I also lack to some degree - enhances their vocal machismo that much further).
At certain points in my career, I would feel shame over my voice, more often than not during public speaking occasions, but today, I take pride in having that particular uniqueness about me.
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Considering that truth, I'm disappointed when older, respected professionals shun me in public.
To be shunned is essentially to be ignored despite the fact that you have a past history with an individual, and you're sitting right there. I'll admit that I've done this many times in the past to various individuals. In fact, I do it at home regularly to members of my own family, I'm sad to say.
For most, shunning is either a cop out move or an act of spite. Regarding the former, that's especially the case when you encounter a situation you'd rather not step into. Certainly there's a small percentage of people who are painfully shy, therefore their social anxiety can get the best of their intentions. I understand that.
There's no denying the fact that shunning is significantly hurtful when the person on the receiving end of the shun truly looks up to / admires the shunner. Ouch. It provokes a lot of internal questions as to why exactly they were shunned.
In closing, what's also so important to consider is the future.
Shunning makes a lasting impression relative to the shunner's individual character. An impression which could come back to haunt them down the road.
Resist the urge to shun. Even if every fiber of your being is pulling you towards that cold hearted move. Executing an acknowledgement handshake (at a minimum) is a far better move overall as you consider your Christian witness.
Therefore, unless I've never spoken to you, you're going to likely remember a previous encounter with me due to the fact that my voice serves as an imprint or identifier. It's that unique (especially here in Mississippi where most men's heavy southern dialect - which I also lack to some degree - enhances their vocal machismo that much further).
At certain points in my career, I would feel shame over my voice, more often than not during public speaking occasions, but today, I take pride in having that particular uniqueness about me.
-------------------------
Considering that truth, I'm disappointed when older, respected professionals shun me in public.
To be shunned is essentially to be ignored despite the fact that you have a past history with an individual, and you're sitting right there. I'll admit that I've done this many times in the past to various individuals. In fact, I do it at home regularly to members of my own family, I'm sad to say.
For most, shunning is either a cop out move or an act of spite. Regarding the former, that's especially the case when you encounter a situation you'd rather not step into. Certainly there's a small percentage of people who are painfully shy, therefore their social anxiety can get the best of their intentions. I understand that.
There's no denying the fact that shunning is significantly hurtful when the person on the receiving end of the shun truly looks up to / admires the shunner. Ouch. It provokes a lot of internal questions as to why exactly they were shunned.
In closing, what's also so important to consider is the future.
Shunning makes a lasting impression relative to the shunner's individual character. An impression which could come back to haunt them down the road.
Resist the urge to shun. Even if every fiber of your being is pulling you towards that cold hearted move. Executing an acknowledgement handshake (at a minimum) is a far better move overall as you consider your Christian witness.
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