Proactive encouragement

Men need encouragement from each other, but each man is unique in how he both receives that encouragement and whom is qualified (matched) to enact said encouragement.

And there's no doubt that the most effective encouragement comes from within a relationship that's authentic.  Where men know each other through and through.

Considering these truths, most men are unwilling to encourage.  They're either too self-focused or simply prideful.  Therefore, finding week to week encouragement can be very challenging.

When all hope is lost, one can encourage himself whilst looking to the promises of God in Scripture, and these are good things.  Taking that into account, life's circumstances often do come to bear, restricting encouragement as such.

But, when available, pursue encouragement from other men whom you respect.  It is such a gift to be known and to hear firsthand what you already know though cannot remember.

Ignoring the technicalities

Luke 15:  11-31:

¹¹ And He said, “A man had two sons. ¹² The younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of the estate that falls to me.’ So he divided his ^[d]wealth between them. ¹³ And not many days later, the younger son gathered everything together and went on a journey into a distant country, and there he squandered his estate with loose living. ¹⁴ Now when he had spent everything, a severe famine occurred in that country, and he began to be impoverished. ¹⁵ So he went and ^[e]hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. ¹⁶ And he would have gladly filled his stomach with the ^[f]pods that the swine were eating, and no one was giving anything to him. ¹⁷ But when he came to ^[g]his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have more than enough bread, but I am dying here with hunger! ¹⁸ I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven, and ^[h]in your sight; ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of your hired men.”’ ²⁰ So he got up and came to ^[i]his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and ^[j]embraced him and kissed him. ²¹ And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ ²² But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; ²³ and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; ²⁴ for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’ And they began to celebrate.

²⁵ “Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things could be. ²⁷ And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has received him back safe and sound.’ ²⁸ But he became angry and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began pleading with him. ²⁹ But he answered and said to his father, ‘Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never ^[k]neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; ³⁰ but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your ^[l]wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him.’ ³¹ And he said to him, ‘Son, you ^[m]have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.’”

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Undoubtedly, hands down, this is the most impactful parable that Jesus shared during his ministry on Earth.  It's a story of family, and it perfectly syncs up with the outrageousness of the gospel.  Jesus spent so much time teaching his followers that he'd come to fulfill the Law, therefore their penchant for obsessing over technicalities certainly now had no place in their lives.  The parable of the prodigal son served as the zenith for obliterating the stronghold the Law still had over them.

When I was a teen, the challenge of the latest board game was how I spent the majority of my time with friends, and this was especially true around the holidays.  Determining a winner within a board game is only possible whilst following the rules to the tee.  Oftentimes, a minor technicality could turn the tide during the last few minutes of the game.  All games are like this.  That's why we have referees and officiating personnel who oversee the entire gaming process.

Later on in my life, I found myself caught up in travails that I was ashamed of, and it was then that those in authority over me used technicalities to punish me.  And during that process, they took it upon themselves to demonize me as they reviewed what they understood of my life as it pertained to their expectations.  Oh, how I longed for compassion at that point!  But, it was simply not in their vocabulary.

If we could see forward into the narrative of the prodigal son, I believe we'd find a boy who continued to be somewhat intrinsically rebellious and haughty, even after his father's earlier display of extraordinary generosity and care.  And similarly, the older brother likely continued to be a somewhat perturbed prick.  Because of this truth relative to how people tend to continue forward within their fallen character, this is why we write people off / delete them from our lives in lieu of continuing forward in obligation to them.  We simply find it easier to penalize them on a technicality, and in turn, punish them as they deserve.
Plus, it's rewarding in a sick and twisted kind of way, to watch people who are different than us suffer.  Even if at times it's our own children.

But this is not how our Heavenly Father operates because he can do what we cannot.  See our hearts.  Our motivations.  Where our allegiances truly lie.  Plus, he takes the long view as the vineyard-keeper.  Look at Luke 13:  6-9:

 ⁶ And He began telling this parable: “A man had a fig tree which had been planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and did not find any. ⁷ And he said to the vineyard-keeper, ‘Behold, for three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree ^[d]without finding any. Cut it down! Why does it even use up the ground?’ ⁸ And he answered and said to him, ‘Let it alone, sir, for this year too, until I dig around it and put in fertilizer; ⁹ and if it bears fruit next year, fine; but if not, cut it down.’”

In other words, he saying, here's my idle son.  He's taking up a space, only to leech off of everyone else's resources.  Nevertheless, I have hope for him still.  It's the possibility of him coming around that far outweighs my disappointment in him today.

May we as Christians consider everyone around us as we've been considered by our Heavenly Father, and henceforth be reminded daily of the monumental grace that's been willingly bestowed on us.  In essence, may we choose to take the long view with people, resisting the urge to demonize, doing so in return as we consider fully what we've been given, forever hopeful that we'll see those buds sprout forth within our neighbors, signaling the inevitable fruit of the spirit.  (Galatians 5: 22-23)

The Blog That Rescued Me

Back in 2013, I found myself unsuccessful regarding locating any semblance of authentic community.  We were living in small town Mississippi where I'd taken a job.  Having left behind a handful of brotherly friendships that had subsequently whet my appetite here in Jackson, I was hopeful that God would lead me, despite our now rural circumstances, to relationships that might similarly invoke relational accountability.

Self-destructive behaviors / thought patterns ensued as I found myself feeling more and more isolated.  Eventually, it was my personal blog that served as a catalyst for my employer to start asking hard questions of me.

This personal blog was nonetheless a public journal which detailed my story post after post after post.  Hence, it had been reflecting the deep seated sense of isolation I was experiencing, and from there, served as a white flag for those who eventually took notice.

I began attending meetings of the Samson Society +/-1 year later in 2014.  Mr. Don Waller had initiated a group at First Baptist Church Jackson that had existed for about a year, and these men welcomed me with open arms.  Overnight, I now had a lifeboat, and I felt as if I could stop swimming out in the open water.

I had formally resigned my position which felt as if I had been the problem all along, but in reality it was the isolation that had made my situation unworkable for me.

Of all the fallout from that experience, the most heartbreaking anecdote had to do with our pastor.  Early on whilst settling into our new small town home, I made a point to reach out to him with my story (via my former blog), and then even six months beyond that, I asked specifically for counsel relative to my sense of isolation.  Despite my efforts, he chose not to respond which only served to darken my situation further.

One of my mantras has always been "Communication is a Key to Success".  Would it not have been for my former blog, I don't know how I would have managed to continue to tread water much farther into my family's future there within that lonely scenario.

Punk Drunk Love

Samson is undoubtedly the most culturally altruistic example of a man's man that Scripture contains.  He's firstly a loner with notoriety baked in via his Nazarite heritage, and from there, he's undoubtedly physically impressive with sexual bravado to spare.

Samson plows through as a type A persona.  Using the jawbones of animals or simply his seductive prowess to "get 'ur done".

During his time as a judge, the Israelites are way, way off track relative to their understanding of who they actually are.  Scripture explains that much clarity has been lost or simply was never passed down from previous generations.

Eventually Samson perishes, suffering tremendously at the end as he's captured and tortured prior to one final, cataclysmic, sacrificial close.

I would encourage you to read more about who this man was in Scripture.  It's an amazing story of a good guy gone bad, caught up in himself and his own desires 'till almost the very end.

You'll recall as well hearing of Delilah.  Her story intertwines with Samson.  Scripture details her tragic story as well.

And who said the Bible wasn't inspired by God - for adults?

Health, Safety, and Welfare

To become a licensed architect, one must obtain a degree in architecture from an accredited institution prior to enduring a 3 to 4 year internship before qualifying to sit for the architectural registration exam.  When I took the exam back in 1999, it consisted of 9 parts, most of which I passed over the course of +/-12 months.  From there, you’re eligible to obtain your state license to practice as an architect which means you can stamp construction documents and specifications for buildings (over 5,000 square feet) that you either design outright or oversee closely the design therein. 

From day one of starting on this journey, you’re taught that health, safety, and welfare of the public is your underlying goal as an architect, therefore buildings must meet building codes, be structurally sound, etc.  Architects are never tasked with putting their energies into creating structures that hinder or harm.  This goes against the very essence of what it means to be a “master builder” (archi-tect).

In many ways, the journey towards becoming an architect is not unlike the one every boy should make towards manhood with his primary goal being to always consider firstly health, safety, and welfare of those around him.

Men are servants.  Boys are boys.  If you look at Christ as he’s presented in the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), he’s the ultimate example of a man via his servitude to everyone he came in contact with.  He demonstrated this through his self-denial, teachings, and understanding of his overarching goal here on Earth. 

But, Christ was 100% God and 100% man.  We’re obviously missing the God part. 

Despite the fact that Christ was a perfect man, he relied heavily on a community of men (disciples) that traveled with him throughout his ministry on Earth.  Of course, much of what’s chronicled in the gospels related to this is him teaching them along the way.  It’s obvious that he could have struck out on his own, but how might his ministry here on Earth been different had he done so?

There’s no doubt that if Christ made community a priority, we should too.  Especially considering how we benefit from being reminded of our role as men.