The Sarah Society / Recommended Reading

Huma Abedin’s ‘No Apology’ Tour - POLITICO

Lagniappe

Help Me Lord With These Feelings

Greek yogurt is yogurt that's essentially in a concentrated form.  It's like drinking orange juice concentrate in lieu of fresh squeezed orange juice.  If you've ever eaten it, its consistency is like that of spackle, therefore as such, it's a much less appealing dairy treat to most than traditional Yoplait.  

If you were to consider the ingredients of Greek yogurt, you'd find a LOT more milk is needed to concoct it than its much less pricey (& mainstream) cousin.

The benefit to choosing Greek yogurt though over regular is the added nutrition.  It's like running versus walking (for the same period of time) relative to the exercise benefits.  Of course, running is much harder (I love to hate to run) than walking, and similarly, Greek yogurt is much less palatable (sans added sugars) compared to regular yogurt.

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My first Silas (pre-Samson Society) came into my life sometime during 2010, and it wasn't long before he made an insightful statement that made quite the impact.  And that was that I felt things deeply.  Deeper than most, if not every individual he'd befriended within the past.  

I didn't dispute his claim for deep down I think I'd always known this about myself, yet it was unsettling to consider.

When I was a teenager, I banked all of my emotions into popular music.  My pride & joy, back then, was my component audio system - consisting of amplifier, CD player, dual cassette deck, and two Bose speakers (which I still use today).  God love my parents for putting up with the ruckus day in and day out coming from my 110 sf bedroom.  I absolutely have no idea how they stood it within our +/-1,800 sf rancher (their bedroom was adjacent to mine).

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Lakeside Pres is hosting a 2021 fall / spring book study that started yesterday evening, and the selected tome is sort of a modern day encyclopedia of false religions.  Last night's meeting was centered on the theology of Jehovah's Witnesses.  Next month's will be on The Church of Scientology or some such.

As expected, the presentation was affably cerebral in the truest Lakeside Presbyterian fashion, but unexpectedly, taking the subject matter at hand into consideration, I came away feeling quite the hollower for it.  Hence, I felt there was just too little (if any) heart (compassion) whatsoever pertaining to the lost souls indirectly referenced throughout the subject matter.  In spite of the fact that personally, Jehovah's Witnesses are about as familiar to me as Freemasons.  

Needless to say, I'm willing to bet a dollar that D. James Kennedy would have been none too pleased at the tone.  As such, I have to ask myself, why does that matter specifically to me?  

I have to believe it harkens back to Greek yogurt.

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Taking all of this into consideration, me thinks I've spotted a huge misnomer (mistake) relative to the massive pull I have at times towards consuming gay porn, and that may just be the word community.  This being a word I've often utilized in the past to describe some form of justification relative to porn consumption.  Instead, I'm beginning to wonder if this pull has more to do with emotion or feeling and the aforementioned "banking" of said feelings.  

Combined with that, and this almost seems to qualify as weirdly transcendental, could be the notion of concentrating emotionally onto or into the images in an almost empathic manner.  

All that to say, I'm now convinced that its pull is far more emotional than me simply wanting to be communal.  And it likely always has been.

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Moving in a somewhat different direction, though still referencing Rob's (always concentrated) emotional state of mind, I offer this in order to conclude this post:

Dignity is an important, if not the most important term that I find myself always equating to my understanding of / respectfulness towards women.  I'm fortunate to have a mother who's dignified as well as a wife who follows suit.  As such, growing up and then being married to a dignified woman has firmly cemented my point of view.  I pray that my three daughters will someday follow the example of these important ladies.

This factors into why straight porn is so repulsive to me.  The women within these videos / images are so often in line with what I saw at Wal-Mart earlier this week (more on that below), not to mention the disgustingly abusive circumstances they're typically presented within.

All in all, I can think of no more repulsive sight than seeing a woman's face ejaculated on as her blank stare is forever memorialized on camera.  I mean, can you imagine, your daughter's face in that spot without wanting to extradite yourself from planet Earth?  I feel so sorry for the Spielbergs.

To circle back to that woman at Wal-Mart, you should know that she's what served to spearhead this post.  Hence, if you've not taken a liking to what you've read so far, blame her.  

Wal-Mart represents the most convenient, most cost effective means of purchasing just about anything & everything.  Its no-frills approach to retail draws consumers from every walk of life.  Its sister store, Sam's Club, takes an identical approach.  And I frequent both of these retail establishments quite frequently, particularly now that my wife is disabled (traditional grocery stores' footprint is smaller / easier to navigate). 

A few days ago, I spotted a woman moving through the Wal-Mart self-checkout line who was around age 35-40.  She was a white woman, overweight yet average height, and dressed in nondescript clothing that looked shockingly too small for her build.  The shorts she was wearing, in particular, were cut so short and were so tight, that they actually looked painful to my eyes.  Her hair looked like it had been cut with a weed whacker after it had been formed into a handful of dreadlocks that extended down her back.  To add to that, snippets of pastel hair dye had been added to these ratty strands which only added to her completely disheveled appearance.  Had she been 18-years-old instead of +/-35 (on Halloween), this look might have been less of a radical embodiment, but she clearly was no longer a teenager (& Halloween is more than a month away).  

And then there was her skin.  It was almost as pale as my sweet wife's, therefore each of the brightly colored, ginormous tattoos that she'd had imprinted squarely on each limb was impossible to miss.  They literally were glowing with color - greens, reds, blues - against her milky derma.  

I could not take my eyes off of this woman while she went through her self-checkout paces.  The shock was too great.  The disbelief too paralyzing.  

As I was walking out of the store, I actually ran into my Silas' wife who recognized me from her car.  We spoke briefly, yet in looking back, I'm sure my responses were no doubt unusual, having just prior witnessed such the unidentifiable alien-like creature.  

This is what kept coming to mind repeatedly for days after:  If we were to turn back the clock 40 years, would I have witnessed a woman presenting herself as such at my local Mississippi big box retailer (TG&Y)?  Were there women that looked like this woman back in 1981 here in Mississippi?

If not, why are they here now?  What "birthed" these women?  What are their origins, and where are they headed?  Why in the world would a woman choose to present herself to the world as this woman was?

To me, they have zero dignity, therefore all I see when I encounter them is me being helpless towards their situation.  For dignity comes from within.  It isn't like respect or shame that's administered (on)to someone.  Dignity is knowing your intrinsic value as a _______, _______, _______, and so forth.  

+/-18 years ago, a lesbian couple constructed a home within our 'hood, and they're still both living there (within a reconstructed version necessitated by a housefire).  My emotional experience relative to engaging with these women was initially in line with what I've described above regarding this fellow Wal-Mart patron.  

Lesbianism is a complete affront to my understanding of feminine dignity, and it always has been.  Therefore, my heart breaks and is angered / outraged / confused whilst seeing it lived out.  

Especially my Greek yogurt heart.  

Help me Lord with these feelings, and to be more specific, synchronize them with your own.  But especially in magnitude.  For I'm so often at their disposal.  Even as a 49-year-old.

Where do I bank these?

Lagniappe

   

Angie's Gift / Rob's Reward

The first two years of my marriage to Angie were completely unexpected but also indirectly endearing.  Angie spent those years in bondage to the throes of general anxiety disorder while I sat back in awe & pity of how debilitating a mental illness could be to an individual.

Angie's descent (if you will) synchronized with our honeymoon trip to east TN.  Therefore, by day three or four, we were both good and ready to return home (for there was no fun to be had in spite of our best efforts).  

General anxiety disorder is caused by the brain undeterminably releasing adrenalin in spades, keeping the individual's mind / body within a heightened state of alert for an extended period of time - days and days if not weeks and weeks on end.

As a result of this, Angie, in particular, was consumed with the fear of dying despite her being the picture of perfect health.  Therefore, she abhorred being left alone for fear of being assaulted / murdered whilst constantly pondering her impending doom via an "around the corner" imagined health crises (cancer, brain tumor, etc.) of some ilk.  

It didn't take me long to realize that it was her brain that was sick, and that with the proper treatment, she could find healing for that particular organ.  And once treatment ensued, she did get better.  But during this time, all I could do was wait it out, pray and try my darndest to patiently listen to my young wife's constant emotional pain.  As a result, I felt helpless but determined to see this crisis through, and in a way, I was grateful to have the opportunity as her newfound husband to "show my stuff".

The resurfacing (if you will) of the Angie I dated / became engaged to happened right at the two year mark, and it happened quickly.  From there, she stopped her medication and took an extended break from therapy, having learned coping skills that have been (literally) a lifesaver over the past 25 years.

And, as a result, our marriage then began as expected (at year one) during year three.

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One of the greatest virtues of only being sexually attracted to Angie (due to my same sex attraction) is my inability / disinterest in even serendipitously "playing the field".  Therefore, during this difficult season at the beginning of our marriage, I found it simple enough to keep my eyes on her the entire time.  Never once even fantasizing of the possibility of being married to someone else.  And, of course, even then, I knew this was a very special gift indeed.  

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But what didn't do me any favors during this important developmental season was how isolated I became emotionally - from both myself and my wife - as she attempted to keep her head above the waters of mental illness.  For the few individuals I did share her emotional turmoil with simply couldn't relate to what we were in the thick of, and as a result, I ceased opening up to them relative to her ongoing suffering.

In looking back, I believe something which should have taken root in me as Angie's new husband during those important developmental years unfortunately did not.  And I believe that something had much to do - on down the road - with me being unable to see myself qualitatively as a proper husband should.

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Now, let me speak in general terms here regarding my thoughts on newlywedom.

Those early years of marriage should represent a season of affirmation between spouses as the two merge into - as the Bible describes it - one flesh.  This didn't happen between Angie and I.  It couldn't.  She was too sick, and I was too focused on nursing her through her sickness.  As a result, I've really struggled with seeing myself - as her husband - with any clarity whatsoever over the past 25 years.  As such, I don't hold any ill will against Angie for this.  But, I am keenly aware of how God's working today to repair that damage, in and through my sweet wife and her continued physical recovery from her May 29, 2020 stroke.

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Angie's recovery from last year's stroke is truly remarkable, but over the past few weeks, I've seen an uptick in her physical strength and stamina that's literally lit a fire in my gut.

Pre-stroke, Angie would strength train at the Y with me - on occasion, but she never really warmed up to it.  It was always apparent that she simply wasn't comfortable there.  Plus, sweating for Angie makes her super embarrassed / conscientious.  

But today, that's changed.  Not only is she more comfortable, but she's willing to work (& subsequently perspire) much harder than I've ever seen her choose to do.

You should know that when she does certain exercises, because of the loss of strength / mobility within her left arm (as a result of her stroke), she looks disabled (or hungover).  And this really used to bother her.  But today, her strength gains have superseded that shame.  One of the coolest things to witness is her on the rowing machine.  She's like a CrossFitter, determined to stay ahead of her fellow exercise zealots.

She's also tracking her steps everyday with one of those watches.  And though I never really thought much about that in the past, based on what I know today, it's an equally important means to an end.

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So how does this impact Rob positively?  

Unlike my experience with Angie as my new anxiety-crippled wife 25 years ago, this Angie, I feel I can actually do something to assist.  And as such, it assists me.  How?  By affirming me as her husband.  Particularly as it pertains to my passion for strength training and the sacredness (if you will - to me) of the gym.  Having her there with me, and seeing her engage as she's been engaging - for her own sake - is remarkably rewarding / affirming to witness.  

Therefore, while she's doing her thing on one side of the gymspace, I'm doing my own.  Yet, I can't help but know intrinsically where she's at (& not just within the physical space), and as such, I find that I can see myself much more clearly as a result of this newfound duality / synergistic experience.

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Last fall, I went with my Silas to a CrossFit competition in south Mississippi.  I wasn't there to compete but to observe (only one observer was permitted due to COVID-19 restrictions), and as such, it was a privilege.  Throughout the day, I watched with interest as my athletic Silas worked in tandem with his teammate (an old friend from his college days), facing off against 5-6 other 2-man teams.  And unsurprisingly, their team of two won the competition!  

What that experience did for me was promulgate trust between myself and my Silas.  For not only was I on his home turf, but I was sorta formally ushered into his circle of old friends (many of which were on site) via that experience.  And that was extremely cool.

But, I don't typically gain visual acuity of me myself by spending time with my Silas.  Instead, I tend to focus on him and where he's at presently.  

He and I are so similarly tempered that there's not a whole lot that's not already been stated (and heard).  Therefore, our time together is just enjoyable for me.  Easy.  Natural.  Unhard.  Brotherly.

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I want Angie to keep getting stronger, and as such, I want to continue making up for lost time as her new husband.  I like seeing myself - finally - as something other than ?.

God is good.

Lagniappe

How To React When A Tenured Spouse (Who Happens To Also Be A Co-Parent) Either Over Or Understeps (Relative To Their God-Given Role Within The Family)

Circumstances within a married household (w/ or w/o children) bring about consistent change.  For instance, there are changes in daily / weekly schedules and subsequently expectations and demands change.  These circumstances / demands are often tied to milestones, such as summer break / school starting or simply the maturation of various offspring.

Therefore, what tends to happen amidst all this fluidity is mom and dad sometimes overstep / understep within their individual, God-given roles.  Why?  Because they're imperfect, therefore we easily forget - at times - our various roles / responsibilities.

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My second position within an architecture firm here in Jackson (back in 1997) freed me from telephone answering duty (answering the office landline telephone whenever it would ring).  Unlike my first position - right out of college (within a tiny firm of just 5 individuals), I was now working alongside (at least three) administrative personnel who took care of mundane (but extremely important) tasks like this one.  

What was unusual though about this new-to-Rob setup was how demanding one of these three administrative people was regarding her colleagues taking a telephone call - right then and there.

I vividly remember being in the men's room taking a dump whilst having this admin lady loudly announce (through a sizable crack in the men's room door) that I "had a telephone call!".

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Husband / Wife / Father / Mother - besides the biological, each has a distinct role to play within a family.  And sure there can be some overlap, but overall, the Husband / Father is the head and the Wife / Mother is the helpmeet.  Now, does that mean the female is a doormat?  Of course not.  For the male loves his female as Christ loved the church (his bride) and gave himself up for her.  And, of course, this is the Biblical model. 

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My wife grew up in a household where her dad was in no way the head.  Instead, it was her mother who called the shots - on everything.  And when her mother didn't get her way, she'd behave like a spoiled child 'till she either broke her husband's will or lost interest in rebelling any longer.  Fueling much of this approach was her parents ongoing abuse of alcohol to placate any and all relational stress (of which there was a lot).  

I grew up within a similar household sans the alcohol usage.  Yet, my parents were extremely young when I was a boy, whereas Angie's parents are 20+ years their senior.  Therefore, of my two parents, whilst in their mid-twenties (& I was around 8 or 9), it was my mother who was markedly more mature and therefore more "qualified" to lead our troupe.  And that's what she did.  Quite well, I must say.

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One of the attributes that I aspire (as their father) to instill within all three of my children is discipline.  Discipline is tough for children to appreciate, especially if they're not involved in team activities (where discipline is promoted via positive peer pressure / a coach).  My oldest daughter has had the good fortune of being a school team member (middle / high school dance team), but the other two, not so much (other than middle daughter's experience within a theatrical production class).

My primary methodology for instilling discipline within my children is by not "babying" them.  In other words, as salient members of our clan, I expect them to do their fair share of household chores, etc. on top of keeping up their grades, executing volunteer work and putting some sort of weekly emphasis on physical fitness (as opposed to the ubiquitous screen time).

Now, we're officially within the summer months, therefore my daughters are out of school, and like I alluded to earlier within this post, change of schedule / routine can bring about an upending of specific roles (as well as an implied loosening of guidelines).

So, here's a description of the situation.

It's Monday morning, and I was the first up (yesterday).  And this isn't atypical for our household (me getting out of bed firstly).  Now, when it comes to each child's schedule, I simply cannot keep up with it.  Especially during the summer because the schedules are in no way routine.  But, Angie does this with aplomb.  She uses both her sharp mind as well as some sort of family calendar app to keep everything straight.  

But I digress.

What I did, upon getting up, was awaken all three of our little sinners around 8 AM.  I knew they'd turned in the night before around 10:30 PM (the oldest two with the youngest an hour earlier), therefore I felt it was time for them to get their weeks started.

Angie disagreed.  And she respectfully made that known as she shushed me whilst standing there within our living room.

And this made me angry for I considered it an overstep on her part.  

Therefore, about 30 minutes later, she asked me to sit down with her and the girls in the living room to discuss her / their point of view (for they had no interest in getting up at 8 AM either).  And after listening to their rationale, I asked them to confer amongst themselves over the course of the day in preparation to report back to me regarding when to wake them up exactly on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday mornings over the remainder of the summer months (this was me being a smartass).

I did this whilst admitting that I know squat about their independent schedules, and don't want to (this was me being a dick).

And as I thought more about this situation throughout the day, I realized that Angie had every right to overstep here, despite it making me feel impeded upon as the dad.  

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In closing, what would I have done differently yesterday morning whilst being approached by my sweet wife regarding this seemingly unimportant detail (wake time)?

Been more respectful.  For Angie understands CLEARLY both her role as well as mine.  Hence, the way she approached me when she did (with respect) demonstrated what I should have immediately reciprocated with (respect).  

I also would have apologized - to all the girls - last night for overreacting yesterday morning.

Why?

It's important to me that my daughters understand - through their father - how men should act / react within the home - in a godly manner.  And I want them to learn this via example.  

Why is this important to me?

We men are dumbasses.  Therefore, I want my daughters to choose a future husband who's somewhat less of a dumbass than the majority (which I'm a part of).  My daughters' collective knowledge regarding a specific "model husband" is me - their father.  That being, what's important to me, how I react, and so forth.  Yikes.

If I don't demonstrate grace to my wife / girls, there's a risk my future son-in-laws won't either.  And that scares the hell out of me.

Please Pray For My Sweet Wife, Angie

If you'd had one stroke, you're high risk for having more.  Those are the statistics.

Angie had a stroke on May 29 of last year, and now that we're almost to her one-year anniversary date, she's quite anxious about potentially having another.

There's been a lot of heady emotion as of late in our house regarding a number of familial milestones, and all of these have been positive.  Yet, lingering constantly within the back of my wife's mind is the fear of experiencing again what she did prior.

I liken having a stroke to being assaulted supernaturally due to the loss of the neurological.  For it's our nerves that provide us with the ability to be physical.  Hence, without them operating properly, the loss is surreal.

Angie remembers every second of the ambulance ride to the hospital.  She tells me that she didn't say much of anything to the EMTs, but that overall, it seemed to go on and on.  That ambulance ride is the part that she'd like to never experience again.

While she was hospitalized, COVID-19 was in full swing, therefore I only saw her on two very quick occasions (one of which she was napping throughout).

Though her hospital stay overall met her expectations relative to the level of care, her being alone there - day after day - didn't do much for her spirits.

A client (& friend) of hers sent her a Bible verse from Exodus that she designated her now life verse.  

I saw her reading her Bible this AM, and upon asking her where she reading from exactly, she mentioned that very verse.

Please pray for my sweet Angie.

 

"Now That I'm Divorced, When's It Appropriate To Start Dating Again?"

It depends on two things.

One is if your offspring are / is out of the house completely.  If he or she / they're not, don't start dating.  You risk hurting them further with a new relationship that's statistically, very vulnerable to failure as well.

Now, if you've no offspring, the next question has to do with whether your heart is healed up enough from the divorce to "put itself out there" once again. 

How do you know if your heart is healed up enough?

Imagine your divorced spouse reaching out to you, asking for an audience.  How do you react to this?  Do you feign her return and in turn imagine this requested meeting being a segue into that sphere?  If so, your heart's absolutely not healed up enough to "put itself out there".  

A caveat to this is as follows:  Hearts take a long freaking time to heal.  Much longer than we'd like.  And also, no heart heals up completely from divorce.

Lagniappe

The Hardest Days To Be A Christian

There have been three occasions - during my almost 25 year marriage - where individuals (all of which are or were neighbors) have said (to my face) cruel and hateful things to me about Angie (my wife) out of spite.

Let me expound on the phrase - "out of spite".  It means as a result of being really angry with me first and foremost.

I have no problem with individuals being angry at me.  That's their choice.  I learned years ago that my spiritual gift is vacuuming.  I bring out either the best or worse within those I engage with.  Considering all of that, when individuals indirectly attack my spouse as a result of their vitriol towards me, that's when I want to lose my Christianity.

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There've been a number of times (either amongst the Samson Society community or otherwise), over the past 7 years, where I've harbored quite (or to some lesser degree) the disdain for friend's wives.  Sometimes it was due to their temperament or maybe their general incompetency as a __________.  But rarely do guys pick up on this from me - unless I feel so moved - on behalf of what I'll dub "the greater good".  Therefore, I'm personally familiar with the circumstances surrounding what can manifest itself as indirect relational tension.  

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Angie is one of those wives / mothers that's an easy target for cruel and hateful scorn.  She's one in a million, and as such, her halo is blindingly bright.  Therefore, most individuals recognize this immediately upon meeting her, and as a result, resentment can fester (towards her and me as her fortunate spouse) 'till an eventual breach.

Of note here though is that one of these three aforementioned occasions did manifest itself from the mouth of a man.  That was truly the most unusual (& demonstrative) profession of disgust with me as I witnessed this older guy cast his derogatory net wide enough to include Angie.  Weird.

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Back in the '80s there was this stupid, terrible movie that played on HBO repeat an awful lot.  It was an early Stephen King adaptation called Firestarter, and it starred a young, way overrated actress who had a reputation for spending her free time in bars in LA.  That being said, the only redeeming quality of this screen turd was the inclusion of Mr. George C. Scott (one of my favorite actors), though it was unfortunate that he found himself mixed up in this cinematic debacle.

Case in point, if I weren't a Christian, I'd want to be Drew Barrymore's character in that stupid movie.  

Hopefully you catch my drift.

Brave Man Here - Recommended Reading

 Why Tyler Hubbard Thinks a Healthy Sex Life Is "Crucial" To Parenting - E! Online

I have no idea who this celebrity is, but he's one brave dude (father / husband) to have the guts to be this authentic.

Every man / every marriage is unique, and most men certainly aren't settled / at peace enough internally to talk specifics about their sexual needs to anyone much less the entire Internet.  

So many celebrities have no intentions of ever dialoguing about their actual sexual needs, not even in jest.  Whether they're married or not.  And partly, this is to stoke their fanbase, leaving them to their own imagined devices relative to the sexuality of their idols.

Some husbands, like Mr. Hubbard, genuinely need consistent intercourse with their wives as a means of affirmation.  This is a fact.

The Ultimate Influencer, Your Mistress' Suitor (You)

I believe women are more competitive than men overall.  And when I say that, I'm specifically addressing women competing against women relative to their attention / engagement with the opposite sex.  

Today, you may be married to a woman and have somewhere around the average 2.5 children.  And within that setup, you may also have a relationship with another woman (or women) from the perimeter.  That being, your mistress or some semblance therein.  This could be a woman from your past (when you were a young man), a woman from the recent past or a woman you just encountered and developed a relationship with.  She could be professional, a prostitute, a wife, a mother, a Christian, a pagan, and on and on.  Ultimately, you're attracted to her, like very much the attention she's providing and she has breasts and a vagina.

What exactly is a mistress, and where do they / how do they exactly come into play within a guy's life?

We'll attempt to answer this one at the end of this post.

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As a man who's quite open about revealing / discussing his homosexual desires, I find it so interesting to observe females reactions to me myself.  

The funniest reaction is when they attempt to "de-gay" me via their physical advances.  On numerous occasions, I've had women serendipitously bear hug me for prolonged, awkward moments, pressing their breasts against my chest unremitted with their arms tightly locked around my torso.

It's like experiencing vertical sex with a stranger, and it is creepily awkward (especially when it happens within a church setting).

On other occasions, women react to my transparent gayness by shunning me outright and / or dropping hints as to how steadfast they are in servicing their husband's sexual needs.  As if to say, "Back off, you homo.  Keep away from my man."

Being the father of three daughters, one of the most sure-fire ways to motivate one of my children is to discreetly pit one against the other.  Say for example, one of them has been assigned a project, and a lengthy, time-consuming one at that.  And this project has a deadline that's weeks into the future.  Once I sense that said daughter's interest is waning in their project, all I have to do to invigorate her focus is recommend that she "subcontract out" the work to one of her sisters for a season, seeing how she's "lost interest".  

You talk about watching a pitch fall flat.  You would think it had been weighed down by the Earth itself.

Instinctually, women are territorial relative to groundwork that's their own or sites they feel so moved to survey beyond their borders.  Hence the expected discord whilst attempting to have them share a room / clothes / a vehicle, or a man.

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And this leads me to husband / fathers and the power / control they wield over females (which will serve as the segue needed to answer the aforementioned question).

Mistresses, by definition, exist solely in response to their puppeteers.  That being, the men they serve.

These women are yoked to these men despite their refusing to believe otherwise.  In many ways, it's a paradox for them to step into for there's a semblance of control (ground gained) that's shrouded in emotional manipulation for which they have no control over.

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When we moved back from Cleveland in 2013, one of our 10 immediate neighbors had separated and was headed for divorce.  We knew this because the husband was no longer living within the abode.  Therefore, we did our best to minister to the wife and her daughter despite the shame imbued limitations (cloud of embarrassment and despairing).  I remember specifically, after she divulged to us the relationship she'd quickly developed with a new man (thanks to online hookup sites), to steer clear of getting involved sexually with her new stud under any circumstances.

Why would I do this?  Sex is so much fun!

You know why.

Even not taking into account what Scripture has to say about fornication and divorcees, women cannot be sexual sans involving their whole hearts / emotional selves.  The experience is binding for them whereas for men, sex can simply serve as an exchange of bodily fluids.  

This is why you don't see women sneaking around in public parks looking to engage in anonymous hookups under the veil of darkness, or engaging similarly in public restrooms in accordance with their  "suitability" for cruising.

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I am convinced that one of the primary drivers young women have towards refuting their gender is rooted in their coming to the realization of just how vulnerable to men they truly are.  And not just physically vulnerable but emotionally vulnerable.  To the point of potential deep seated manipulation.

Who can blame 'um for wanting out of their biological gender in response to these vulnerabilities?

I'm pretty sure the Bible addresses this within the book of Genesis as one of the detriments of The Fall, and it sucks for women.

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Women are so unique, and so helpful to us men.  

If you're courting a mistress, do them a favor and walk away today.  For good.  

As their suitor, you are the biggest problem they face.

The Other You, The Rebellious One

I've been "catching up" on Madonna's music over the past few days, and frankly, it hasn't changed any since I heard her first tune as a child.  Growing up in the '80s, it was impossible to not be immersed culturally in all things Madonna.  Her music / image was as ubiquitous during that decade as Elvis / the Beatles were during decades prior.

Madonna always frightened me a bit.  Not necessarily as a person, but listening to her music made me worry about my soul.  Consistently, I came away feeling dirty.  Some of this had to with my sexuality, for sure.  I cringed (and still do) at her representation of what it meant / means to be female.  Yikes.

I watched this video last night for the first time.

And this got me thinking about what I've heard a number of men say about their propensity for keeping an ongoing narrative alive for years on end relative to sexual sin.  That being the notion of there being another version of themselves that participated / was participating in these activities.  And always, this other self didn't in anyway share in the same values as the original.  

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What seems to justify the existence of this other self is the means to satiate needs (outside of God's will) without seemingly tainting the core identity of the original man therefore resulting in a pragmatic schism.

Think back to the music video.  There's this notion of two halves existing within the interior of a person's true self, fighting constantly to be in control.  

The word that comes up often (in my conversations with these men) regarding this opposite point of view / self is rebellion, and the justification for that rebellion seems to mainly be a pulling away from the prescribed, obedient, subservient self into the subsequent thrill and sense of adventure that comes with that pulling away.

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Madonna's image is one of raw sexuality.  She embodies that within everything she does.  It's what's made her millions of millions of dollars as an entertainer.

I have two friends who've been swept away (sorry 'bout that) by women who characterized themselves as described above.  Yet, the spell seemed to inevitably be broken once the realization set in that no matter how intense the sexual vibe, no matter how sensuous the package, no amount of pleasure could justify ignoring outright man's obligation to other human beings.

The Bible calls it "looking out for the best interests of others".  

And this is where that rebellious self eventually lands himself within a dead end, and again, this harkens too back to the video above.

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Being sexually provocative is a power play, and some women, in particular, seem more fluent to its vernacular than men.  Add a substantial history relative to a woman's sexual "track record", and from there, you have both a powerful allure (to many a man) and a substantial liability (to her own self).

Therefore, what can we do as men (rebellious or not) to short circuit this?  

The Bible instructs us to treat women (& men) - even the most sizzling hot versions of both - as better, more relevant, to be more revered as we ourselves ever are / will be.  And from there, this love neutralizes that rebellious half of who we all would like to be.  Essentially neutering it.  Supernaturally.

For rebellion is born out of arrogance, self-centeredness, and pride, all of which should have no place in our portfolio as Christian men. 

Is It Wise For A Married Man To Compliment A Woman - Regarding Her Looks / Attire - Who Isn't His Wife (Regardless Of This Lovely Woman's Marital Status)?

It is unwise.  Do not do this.  Even if you're friends with the woman, work closely with / supervise her within a vocational / volunteer setting, etc.  Even if her attire / looks is / are extraordinarily beautiful / attractive to you or you as a married man are much older than her, and therefore you see her more as a daughter.  Do not do it.

Just don't.

And on that same note, never, ever write her a thank you note for a job well done.  Instead, compliment her face to face but with other team members / supervisors present and be very specific as to what she did so well within your eyes - as her supervisor from you as a supervisor with a supervisor's point of view.

Hopefully, you catch my drift here relative to how easily your words can be misconstrued.

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Why?

Women are not equal to men.  They see the world very differently than we do.  And this is a good thing.  Thanks be to God for women.  

Therefore, because of this truth, we as men must be vigilant to not misconstrue or take advantage of - in any way - that inequality.  As men, we have an obligation to women to be extraordinarily mindful of our responsibility to them and their differences and never assume otherwise.  And this starts with both our words (or lack thereof) themselves and how we choose to deliver (or not) those words, but ESPECIALLY WHEN these women are not our spouses.

I speak from experience, having learned the hard way regarding my man mouth.

Teamwork At Church / The Ultimate Silas Assignment

If you're married, you have a partner, and this can especially be apparent within public settings / venues.  For Angie and I, one of those repetitive marital venues is church attendance.  We, as a family, worship most every Sunday, and prior to the pandemic, we were also present on Wednesday nights - religiously - at Lakeside Pres.  

For me, as Angie's husband, I'm a textbook introvert, therefore church attendance is an energy drain.  Not a massive one, but nonetheless, a drain.  As a result, I tend to be prickly / easily flustered at church because of this involuntary slow energy drain.  Frankly, I resent it.

My wife is not within this same temperament camp despite her quiet demeanor, therefore church for her is a very different experience.

Hence, I'm a backseat Baptist while she's headed to the front row.  She's interested in lingering after the service, in order to socialize, while I'm making a beeline to the door immediately following the benediction.    

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Our return to the Reservoir in October 2013 wasn't by choice.  If you've followed my writing on this blog or know me personally, you know that I was terminated from my supposed "dream job" (after only one year) within Small Town Mississippi, and that's what triggered the move back here.  

Immediately, we returned to Lakeside Pres, but as such, I was a completely different man.  Inside, I was despondent.  All thanks to my own stupidity, and subsequently, how I'd been terminated by the CFO / HR Director of the institution (Delta State University) where I'd been employed.  And it wasn't like I disagreed with their assessment relative to my breaking the college's IT policy.  I'd admitted to doing that up front.  No, it was the demonization that was so difficult to swallow due to how much I respected these credentialed individuals who did the deed.  

The best way to describe it is as follows:  my family and I were thrown off an emotional cliff immediately following my two superiors ripping out my heart and submerging it in acid.  The situation was handled so poorly by these two, and I was in such a vulnerable position in tandem with their recklessness.

From there (30-45 days later), I recognized that I was essentially an emotional rape victim who'd subsequently been impregnated with a sense of worthlessness that had deeply rooted itself within my soul.

Whilst looking back, I see now that the timing was perfect for Satan to execute a massive assault on my soul via the idol I was bowing down to daily - my ever important dream job.  Suicidal thoughts eventually landed me in Don Waller's office (10 months later) and the Samson Society group he was then facilitating back in 2014.

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Angie's ischemic stroke occurred on May 29 of this year.  She was hospitalized - alone - for a week prior to an extended stay within a rehabilitation hospital.  She was 49 when it occurred, and had no other health issues prior (other than general anxiety disorder).  The stroke damaged the portion of her brain that controls her left side (arm / leg), therefore walking / using her left arm immediately became quite the challenge.  

She lost some weight during all of this, but even then, she really wasn't overweight by a large amount.  

What she's faced with today is continued rehabilitation via twice weekly outpatient sessions, and the progress she's made has been miraculous.  Nonetheless, she still walks very slowly and carefully.  Also, getting dressed, for her, is tough.  Stepping off or up onto a curb is tough.  Washing dishes is tough.  And on and on.  All physical activity for her now is tough to do.

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Angie's presence as my wife was critical to me being able to face the world immediately following my termination from my dream job at DSU.  Had she not been there, I'd likely never darkened the door of Lakeside Pres again - after our move back to the Reservoir.  Unlike me, Angie had no shame relative to what had gone down, and though she couldn't relate to my Internet porn issues, she deeply respected my struggles with same sex attraction and all the complications that came with it.   

I can vividly remember back in late '13, sitting next to her in Sunday School at that little church.  This was soon after we'd returned, and I was frantically typing journal entries on my smartphone throughout the entire lesson.  It was as if the Holy Spirit was using that sweet little Presbyterian congregation as a spiritual conduit.  I did the same amount of digital journaling during worship services Sunday after Sunday after Sunday for months on end.  What I discerned was incredibly helpful relative to not only where I was at emotionally but how I might begin to emerge.

And all the while, Angie was there by my side.  Never once complaining about my obviously distracted state of mind and the embarrassment I likely caused her by not paying attention in the least (remember we were typically seated on the front row).  

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I wish I could admit to being just as supportive of her today as she faces her own disability - post-stroke.  For her situation is far more serious than mine ever was.  Not only has her physical health been impacted but her emotional health as well.  There's been a lot of tears shed this year by my sweet Angie, and a handful of those sobbing sessions have been initiated with outrage.  Angie's not one to throw objects, but screaming isn't out of the question.  As you might imagine, this whole affair has left a distinct impression on her by seeding anger and disappointment, not to mention fear relative to a follow up medical emergency.

Considering all of that, when it comes to being in public, especially at our church, she's now dependent on me and my girls to monitor her entry / exit from the small campus.  Initially, this was due to her being so easily fatigued, but now it's moreso related to her fear of tripping up and losing her footing.  Despite the fact that she walks really well, she can't feel too much of her left foot, therefore she's had to learn how to walk by paying attention to what she can feel relative to the movement within her left knee.  Hence, her decidedly slow pace and concern regarding falling down.

So, in many ways, I'm now sort of my wife's Silas.  Literally.  Always there to keep an eye on her whereabouts and how exactly she's traversing from place to place.  It's a privilege.  I do feel as if I'm showing her off to everyone (which is a familiar Samson Society feeling, now that I think about it).

The other part of this Silas / Paul analogy is how dependent on me she now is due to her disabled state relative to having the confidence she again longs for.  

In closing, I've been so privileged to serve so many men in Samson Society as their Silas over the past 6+ years.  How cool it is to have received the needed experience / training to now do so for my sweet Angie.  Especially considering the original matrimonial role model (her) I had / have to follow today.

When The Happiest Man I Know Is Not So Happy / Identity Through Politics - Part Two

I attended a men's retreat (pre-Samson Society involvement) back in February of 2014 outside of Jackson, and my big takeaway from that particularly grueling 48 hours was being dubbed "flamboyant" by the retreat leader.  And he adjudicated this label to me immediately following me pouring out my heart (telling my story) for 20 minutes in front of everyone in attendance (+/-30 men).  It truly was the most derogatory insult I've experienced in recent memory, doled out by a respected local Christian counselor.

Growing up in the '80s, the role models for homosexual men were flamboyant.  And for me personally, this included my high school science teacher.  All of this played a significant role in me understanding that I had no place within that community.  Flamboyant, in my mind, equated to one being completely at the mercy of their emotions.

Today, I still see a lot of this flamboyance, and it positions me to be that much further resolved in never, ever embracing / honoring the homosexual lifestyle.

Why?

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I'm definitely a sexist.  It's impossible to be a complementarian Christian and not be.  

Also, living with four women has made me that much more of one.

Now to return to my question of worthwhileness from my last post.  

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For women, emotional responses are absolutely worthwhile.  It's in and through their emotions that they experience so much of life.  And this complements their husbands who typically do not put nearly as much stock in feelings as they do.

Within our western culture, men and women are equal.  It's all 50/50.  He can do everything equally as well as she can and vice versa.  I hear this from my teenage daughters who're just as eat up with culture as any.

The Bible runs counter to this and so does logic, but logic is often ridiculed within our culture and the Bible discounted.

One of the most sizable weaknesses women wrestle with is the relationship they have with their emotions.

Let me repeat that statement.

One of the most sizable weaknesses women wrestle with is the relationship they have with their emotions.

To be more specific, women can be easily manipulated in and through their feelings.  And, of course, feelings are just that.  Feelings.  They come and go.  Rise and fall.  Intense.  Diminished.  And on and on.

And this is why women should depend on their man as it relates to this particular attribute / character trait.

But what if her man is a dumbass?  Or simply isn't where he needs to be to lead in this regard?  What if she's "been there, done that" and only ended up getting screwed by her man (whose taken advantage of her emotionally)?  

Those are valid questions, but we're going to have to assume here that she has a solid, reliable husband, pastor, brother, friend next to her who's looking out for her best interests.

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I watched my mother, whilst growing up, disregard her emotional beauty completely due to my father being quite inept as her man.  It wasn't that he wasn't a great looking guy with an optimistic outlook.  That he was.  What was missing was that steadiness that most all young wives crave.  In its place, my dad was an overgrown boy (at 18) who really had no business, at that time, being dubbed a husband - to anyone.

So, she became that steadiness herself within our threesome.  And she'd seen this stopgap solution lived out within her own family as she grew up in the Mississippi Delta.  

This attribute of steadiness is the polar opposite of flamboyant, and it's what I gravitate towards relative to the true joy of being a man.  And as weird as it sounds, I learned it from my extremely feminine, strikingly beautiful mother.  Therefore, it's due to her that I'm not / never will identifying myself as a gay man living a gay lifestyle with a pro-gay outlook.

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In closing, social media and cable TV are designed first and foremost to incite an emotional response from everyone who consumes it.  And it pits all of us against each other whilst doing so.  Otherwise, no one would devote the countless wasted time glued to all forms of it.

Because women bank their emotions as worthwhile (remember Part One of this post), these two (social media / cable TV) are optimized to the nth degree for the female consumer.  And along those same lines, it's a fact that men and women consume social media very differently due to their wiring.  

Mark Zuckerberg is leading the technological charge in exploiting the attributes of both sexes and our now cultural norms (men and women are 50/50).  Brilliant guy, he is.

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Where to go to shore up ourselves as men, on behalf of our wives / daughters and otherwise (who need us to be their steadiness)?

Samson Society, of course.  It's as simple as that.

Lagniappe

More Lagniappe

Marinating In Sadness

 A 1994 Honda Accord LX was Angie's first new car.  Its color was "Bordeaux Red", and it served as the lynchpin relative to the dissonance that always existed between myself and her late father.

Angie's dad did the negotiating for her, here in Jackson, regarding the purchase of that car while she was living out of state.  But, it wasn't long before I stepped in to oversee the care and maintenance of this new vehicle, and I did this out of love and respect for my fiancé.  I remember vividly taking the time to initially detail the sedan.  I did this out on the driveway of her parents' abode in northeast Jackson whilst checking the fluids, air pressure in the tires, etc.  My father in-law was taken aback by the initiative I took in this regard, and no doubt felt encroached upon.  For Angie was his only daughter, and they had always been very, very close.  But now, in his place was this weirdo Turner boy who seemed to have an affinity for car detailing.

Angie's vehicle today is a 2011 Kia Sedona minivan that's white in color.  Due to her recent health issues, it hasn't been driven much at all as of late.  Yesterday, I drove it to the office just to exercise it a bit.  On the way home, I stopped at the car wash prior to detailing it thoroughly in our driveway (w/ some much obliged help from my two oldest daughters).  

The reality that this vehicle may never be driven again by my wife hit me this morning as I admired its spotless shine.  It really does look extraordinary - inside & out - for an almost decade old vehicle.  From there, I vowed to exercise it again sometime next month.

I drove to work pleading with God to not allow Angie to ever have another stroke despite our earnest attempts to be joyful during this season of suffering.  Seeing firsthand the impact on her quality of life has been so very hard to bear.

The Asymmetrical Skank Versus A Feminine Beauty To Serve / Protect

Years ago, a 401(k) recordkeeper wholesaler came by to visit our office (for the first time), and as I usually attempt to do, I worked hard to make "get to know you" conversation.  It's important to note that every recordkeeper wholesaler that I've met (so far) is male, and I'm not really sure why that is.  From there, somehow, the dialogue turned towards marriage / divorce, and I believe that pivot took root from a comment I made relative to a Third Party Administrator rep who'd recently announced the end of his marriage.  Out of implied mutual concern, I'd wondered perhaps if this wholesaler might have known this TPA friend of mine, but from what I can recall of his reaction, he did not.

Therefore, I went on to detail my surprise at hearing of my friend's pending divorce, but especially from the standpoint that the man's wife was a noted, locally recognized sex therapist.  Not that I - across the board - assume that 401(k) TPAs and sex therapist aren't ever to have marital issues, but "they seemed so happy", at least according to what I'd witnessed secondhand (hearsay).

From there, the wholesaler made a comment that really unsettled me.

Essentially, he stated that wives must at times act like a skank in order to please their husbands / keep their marriages on solid ground.

Now, in looking back on this conversation, I'm not so sure I'd ever heard that word.  Skank.  Nevertheless, I knew what the word meant, and when I heard him annunciate it, I remember wanting to unhear it because it didn't sit well with me in the least.

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Wives not adequately servicing their husbands in bed - out of duty to them - and thereby "disrespecting" these men, by "forcing them to find sexual relief elsewhere" is so not in line with my understanding of marriage, but I've heard this rationale before from prominent Christian pastors / counselors.  And there's a part of me that's wondered if my stance regarding this might be due to my same sex attraction, but having taking the time to look at my own marriage, which has been rooted in scripture from the beginning (though by no means perfectly), I don't buy into this notion that wives are tasked by God to be some version of a matrimonial sexbot.

The absolute clarifier for me regarding this is fornication.  This is the sexual relationship prior to marriage that's forbidden by God, but today is the norm.  Men and women live together sans ever marrying and are perfectly content with this arrangement.  

Why?

I believe expectations relative to themselves and their romantic partners have a lot to do it (& not just regarding performance in bed), and thereby the control implied within the "shack up" arrangement simply makes sense to them.  Conversely, with moral standards thrown out the window, all bets could be off regarding ever maintaining the faithfulness implied within the pretend marriage.  Hence, there's flexibility there to cheat without really cheating since everything was agreed upon on a napkin.  

Marriage is first and foremost about faith in God and trust in both yourself and each other, and that's a big, big deal that many no longer see a use for.  Besides the legal contract itself, those things alone are enough to keep many lovers from taking the plunge, but especially so if enjoyable, non-procreation sex before marriage is readily available.  

What marriage isn't is a test of wills or some version of performance art.  No, that falls back into the fornication camp that we discussed earlier.

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What all this boils down to within my mind is the following:  Women / wives are absolutely not equal to men / husbands relative to the sexual aspects of a marriage or any romantic relationship for that matter.  And no, even taking all the available prophylactics available nowadays into consideration, giving women a sense of complete control over their reproductive cycle, this still doesn't even things up for me.  There simply ain't no truth in the sexual revolution, baby, and there never has been.

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One additional anecdote here, and I'll work to wrap this post up.

A vaccine for children was released years ago that immunizes them from HPV.  HPV is a sexually transmitted disease that's transmitted during sex via genital warts that occur on the infected's skin.  These warts can vary in size and shape along with quantity, therefore taking note of them early on isn't always a viable given for those infected.  Females who contract HPV are at higher risk for developing cervical cancer later in life, therefore it behooves them to avoid HPV at all cost.

I was curious as to what a male doctor friend (who is also a father of teenage daughters) had in mind relative to vaccinating his own with this medical preventative.  His response was as follows:  If my daughters will only keep to their faithfulness to God, they'll be no need to worry about them contracting HPV.  

It was an earnest answer, but it left out the reality of how some women - even Christian women - become infected by the virus.  That being, by men, who are at times their husbands, who've no clue that they've been infected via their promiscuous lovemaking.  Again, to me, this callousness points back to this cattywompus notion that women / girls are in no way vulnerable / at risk here to man's stupidity, and I simply don't buy that. 

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I have been convicted more and more as of late as a man / husband relative to the sexual influence I have / have had over women who I come in contact with / have come in contact with throughout the week / throughout my life.  Now, hear me out here.  I'm not referring to myself as some sort of on-the-prowl super stud.  I know there are men who fall into that camp.  I've met them and have even been in their midst enough to know personally of the massive damage they entail via their constant sexual shenanigans.  

For me, I'm referring to primarily a lookback relative to my teenage years forward, taking into consideration exactly what romantic opportunities were put in front of me and how I chose to respond to those.  And yes, I know that sounds chauvinistic - as if it's all one sided (me versus sexbots?).  But I'm convinced that had my mind been more open to what sexual influence I actually wielded back then (high school / college days), a few females would have clearly been taken advantage of by none other than me.  How exactly they would have responded to those advances is a moot point here not only historically but morally as well (refer back to my diatribe on fornication if need be).

So many men / boys are keenly aware of their sexual influence on / over the opposite sex.  That was not and still isn't me.  It's like it was hard-wired into their psyches.  And I would take that a step farther by arguing that many often use that "know-how" to their advantage whilst satiating their libidos and leaving plenty of emotional / relational damage in their wake.

In closing, I've been recently convicted of God's protective handiwork regarding my personal noninfluence over the teenage girls I gravitated towards platonically in high school.  Thanks be to God for this.  

 

Packaged sin

I happened upon this SinsTV YouTube channel last week (thanks to YouTube's algorithm).  I decided to view the video I've posted here and as a result, the content has continually reverberated through my brain during the course of the weekend.

To me, this video represents a motive that's no different than the following:  Being the proprietor of a local gas station that sells gas out front, but once you're inside the building, everything from that point points toward the ginormous "Beer Cave" (walk-in booze cooler) on the back wall.

The point here is this.  What's the most effective means to hide ugly, destructive truths?  

Package it as something else entirely.

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We have a neighbor who's a graphic designer who specializes in designing packaging for restaurants.  Back in the day, restaurants used a standardized package family across the board.  These were akin to simple grocery bags that were either white or brown in color.  

Chick-Fil-A restaurant was one of the first (like McDonald's) to go all out on food packaging.  Regarding the former, the fried chicken sandwich package is an actual AL foil bag that's designed to be neatly folded on one end (or at least it was for decades and decades).  It's a brilliantly simple solution that's a joy to unfurl prior to consuming your high carb, sugar, fat, sodium fried chicken sandwich.  

McDonald's packaging is even more over the top.  Perhaps you'll recall their McDLT hamburger package. 

And I must admit, I was one of the first in line for this very average tasting yet cleverly packaged McDonald's hamburger back in the '80s.

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So what influence exactly does packaging have on us as consumers?

First impressions mean the world to us as westerners.  Hence, we work extra hard for curb appeal all around.  In line with that is our hyper reliance on what we see with our own two eyes relative to placing value on someone or something.  The Bible dismisses this MO and instead focuses on God's deftness at measuring the worth of a man via his heart.

Of course, this is where we fall flat as consumers.  For we are sheep.  And sheep are low intelligence herding animals.  Therefore, we're ripe for being deceived time and time again.

Many people believe women are more susceptible to these packaged deceptions than men.  I don't believe that's necessarily the case, but I do believe women are more emotional than we are.  And that can drive them moreso towards groupthink especially if negative feelings are involved.

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The Old Testament details Abraham obeying God's command whilst circumcising everyone within his household as a sign of God's covenant to him and his people.  This was a visual reminder of whom they were as God's children, and it served to instantly demarcate this group of elect from everyone else on planet Earth.

Fast forward to the book of Romans where the apostle Paul divulges the internal circumcision of the heart, a New Testament revelation to those sophisticates there in Rome.  This was the bypass, so to speak, that took man's eyes out of the equation.  

You cannot rely on anyone but God through his Holy Spirit to best discern where, how, and in what capacity to invest your time and energy.  By reading his Word daily, the Holy Spirit instructs, challenges and convicts, taking where you're at into consideration along the way.  And this is our only hope as Christians relative to tuning our hearts correctly - in real time - towards our Heavenly Father and his wishes for us as men.   

For our world continues to slicken its pitches and brightens its packaging using all manner of tools at its disposal.  And it does so to seemingly homogenize its intent whilst pulling us farther and farther away from righteousness.  Therefore, be on your guard.

Post-Stroke Coitus Therapy (Penis Power)

Angie's been under the care of Physical Therapists, Occupational Therapists, Psycho Therapists, Nurse Practitioners, Medical Doctors, and believe it or not, Sex Therapists.

Apparently, female stroke patient's brains tend to reset sexually all the way back to the woman's virgin state.  And, interestingly enough, a sizable portion of assisting female stroke patient's brains in re-awakening / re-circuiting themselves holistically can be monumentally assisted through passionate lovemaking (when deemed physically appropriate for the individual patient).  

Angie shared this with me yesterday during our dinner visit there at Methodist Rehabilitation Hospital (where she's undergoing a few weeks of post stroke in-patient care).  I was curious as to why she kept staring at my crotch every time I'd get up and pace around her room, and finally she began letting the cat out of the bag by saying, "We're going to have to make sex more of a priority now that this has happened".

This post-stroke coitus therapy was pioneered by Dr. Ruth Westheimer who is a renowned sex therapist who gained her notoriety back in the '70s and '80s.  

What's cool is I'll also have an opportunity as the husband (penis purveyor) to undergo some sex therapy (alongside Angie) as well.  And of course, since sex is my most favorite topic, I'll be all ears.

Angie and I both experienced intercourse firstly (lost our virginities) on our honeymoon night back in the mid-'90s.  We stopped at a Best Western in Meridian, MS whilst en route to Gatlinburg, TN for a week away after our wedding here in Jackson.

Of course, I'm anticipating this unforeseen reset for her, and too as her husband, I'm more than happy to provide my sexual services as part of her overall rehabilitation, being just as tender and attentive as I was 23 years ago.  Who'd a thunk that sexual pleasure could be such an effective healer?

 

Dirty Old Man / The Allure Of The Seductress - Part 1

Perhaps I was around the age of my youngest daughter when what I'm about to chronicle here occurred.  Maybe around 9 or 10.  I honestly don't remember.  What I do remember is feeling really dirty whilst being exposed to something that no one should ever see.  And too, this was because it was knowingly wrong.  I knew that from within my child conscience at the time.  As we all know, porn is easy to spot, even when - or especially so - when you're young.

Yet, here I was sitting next to this Dirty Old Man on his couch watching the CRT screen as it projected an image that was just too shocking yet also too enthralling for me to look away from for those few minutes. 

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Regularly, when I was a child, neighbors of ours would babysit me after school 'till early evening as my mother worked.  This couple was a little younger than my 'rents, and they had two daughters of their own.  The mother of this household had parents who also lived within our 'hood, and therefore on rare occasion (thankfully), I would be left with them instead (especially if it were over the weekend).  Her parents lived within a ranch house just as everyone else did within "Traceland North" that had the inevitable CRT TV cabinet stationed within the living / den space. 

The Dirty Old Man (my regular babysitter's father) worked as a mailman.  I vividly remember this.  He was small in stature and not surprisingly, there was a striking physical resemblance between father / daughter.  And, in many ways, this resemblance also carried over into their personas.  Callous / jaded are the best words I can come up with to describe both of them based on the vestiges from +/-40 years prior.

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So, here I was on this humid Summer evening on St. Augustine Dr. in Madison (just a few houses down from my own) back in the early '80s watching porn next to this Dirty Old Man.  I remember he kept flipping between the porn channel he desperately wanted to watch and others, but eventually, he simply stationed himself on the images of the countless beauties all lined up and exposing their voluptuous breasts.  To describe it further, a mainstreamish porn program was airing that was essentially a topless beauty pageant, and I believe the host was someone akin to a lookalike, very aroused Lyle Waggoner. 

Thankfully, the Dirty Old Man's wife eventually strolled into the den and scolded him for watching the smut, and this seeded enough conviction for him to flip the channel away from it for good.

Nonetheless, the damage had been done despite there only being a few minutes of exposure on my part.

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I've had men tell me that they've had similar childhood experiences with their own version of the Dirty Old Man, but usually theirs didn't have the element of obvious conflicted seductiveness that mine did.  And what I'm referring to is the allure of the smut that I witnessed as a boy and its affect / impact on the Dirty Old Man.  Please know, I have no recollection of him attempting to "usher me into the world of men" or anything of that sort on this particular evening.  If anything, he was simply annoyed that I was even there that night due to the fact that my presence was no doubt agitating his own very horny conscience.  Therefore, not only was I interrupting his private pleasure viewing but no doubt taking up precious space within his rancher.

So what of the allure of the seductress through porn or even within day to day life coupled with the role of the Dirty Old Man?  Is it she or he (or both) that's to blame here?  If so, why?  Aren't women rightfully qualified to harness whatever means possible to enjoy their lives / promote their own welfare?  Too, aren't men at times simply qualified as rightfully Dirty when they find themselves facing their arousal templates (within beautiful women or otherwise)?  Sexuality is a gift from God, is it not?  Therefore, why did this feel so very wrong to me as a boy?

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Years ago, "Friend Finder" is what an old friend of mine called the hookup site he utilized to connect with two local women remotely.  He took both of these new "Friends" on dates before deciding on one in particular as his newly found romantic partner.  This friend of mine (we'll call him Dean) hadn't dated anyone for as long as I'd known him (+/-5 years).  Instead, it was his many pets that he adored (literally) during what little downtime he had, as he worked long hours as an electrician.  I suppose hookup sites like "Friend Finder" were catered somewhat to introverted men like Dean.  Nonetheless, I remember clearly inviting Dean to bring his new "Friend" with him to my parents' abode for dinner one night in an attempt to respectfully celebrate his newfound relationship.  I did this out of honor and respect for my friend.

First and foremost, the woman he was now dating was physically captivating.  I distinctly remember being caught off guard by how seductive she looked when she stepped out of the car there on my parents' driveway. 

Dean had family money (primarily in the form of land).  Lots of it (for Mississippi).  For that reason as well as his new "Friend's" propensity to encourage Dean to consume alcohol (he was an alcoholic as his father was), Dean's family immediately (mother, sister) grew very suspicious quickly.

But, oh my goodness, this woman was absolutely sexual, ramped up to level ten.  And this seductiveness combined with Dean's years of chastity ushered him into a sexual sin-laden milieu that crushed / warped his pre-"Friend Finder" hyper-rational self.

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As an aside, only on one occasion have I seen a Samson man describe his wife as a sex addict.  In essence, blaming her obliquely for their marriage's travails.  And in response to this shocking revelation, I didn't actually find the sex addict title to necessarily run afoul with my impression of her and her story (as told over time by him to me).  Oddly enough, seeing the two of them together with their children coincidentally seemed to actually confirm some of what he'd shared.  She was off the charts confident in her poise within any and all situations.  And again, her sexualness too, was ramped up to level ten just as my aforementioned old friend's (Dean) lover's was. 

Summing these two ladies up here as follows:  Considering a man like myself (w/ my sexual hard wiring), for these two ladies to invoke even a tad bit of interest / arousal, absolutely proved their "sexualized merit". 

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In closing, Dean's aforementioned "Found Friend" would eventually begin stalking him by sitting in her car outside the restaurant where we'd be eating during the Samson Society "After Meeting".  Dean overtly refused to not answer her text messages, therefore this served as a means for her to track his whereabouts - even whilst attempting to get help via our Christian community.  Eventually, Dean and his "Friend" had a physical altercation at her home (whilst shacking up) that involved one of Dean's beloved handguns.  By God's grace, despite the gun going off, no one was hurt.  This event thankfully served as a wakeup call for Dean to move out as the attorney fees hit his pocketbook  relative to the assault charges she filed against him.

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More questions for us to look into in the future.  Why is it that fornication is considered sin according to Scripture?  I know I've asked this question before within other posts, but obviously it has a multi-faceted answer.

Why is it that Jesus demanded the obedience of his followers' sexual thought life?

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An old Presbyterian friend of mine used to cite the Scriptural passages that equated sexual sin to harnessing fire outside of a secure firebox (fireplace), and therefore demonstratively wreaking uncontrolled havoc on those who handled it so stupidly.

This analogy makes me think every time about my parents as teenagers and the ramifications of their collective poor choices, but primarily, I think about the power that so many women choose to so masterfully wield alongside the Dirty Men (old or otherwise) who play their own role within that seductive dance.  This power and this role we'll discuss further next time.  For I believe, it is one of the most personally capitalistic relationships that exists today within our western world.