Circumstances within a married household (w/ or w/o children) bring about consistent change. For instance, there are changes in daily / weekly schedules and subsequently expectations and demands change. These circumstances / demands are often tied to milestones, such as summer break / school starting or simply the maturation of various offspring.
Therefore, what tends to happen amidst all this fluidity is mom and dad sometimes overstep / understep within their individual, God-given roles. Why? Because they're imperfect, therefore we easily forget - at times - our various roles / responsibilities.
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My second position within an architecture firm here in Jackson (back in 1997) freed me from telephone answering duty (answering the office landline telephone whenever it would ring). Unlike my first position - right out of college (within a tiny firm of just 5 individuals), I was now working alongside (at least three) administrative personnel who took care of mundane (but extremely important) tasks like this one.
What was unusual though about this new-to-Rob setup was how demanding one of these three administrative people was regarding her colleagues taking a telephone call - right then and there.
I vividly remember being in the men's room taking a dump whilst having this admin lady loudly announce (through a sizable crack in the men's room door) that I "had a telephone call!".
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Husband / Wife / Father / Mother - besides the biological, each has a distinct role to play within a family. And sure there can be some overlap, but overall, the Husband / Father is the head and the Wife / Mother is the helpmeet. Now, does that mean the female is a doormat? Of course not. For the male loves his female as Christ loved the church (his bride) and gave himself up for her. And, of course, this is the Biblical model.
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My wife grew up in a household where her dad was in no way the head. Instead, it was her mother who called the shots - on everything. And when her mother didn't get her way, she'd behave like a spoiled child 'till she either broke her husband's will or lost interest in rebelling any longer. Fueling much of this approach was her parents ongoing abuse of alcohol to placate any and all relational stress (of which there was a lot).
I grew up within a similar household sans the alcohol usage. Yet, my parents were extremely young when I was a boy, whereas Angie's parents are 20+ years their senior. Therefore, of my two parents, whilst in their mid-twenties (& I was around 8 or 9), it was my mother who was markedly more mature and therefore more "qualified" to lead our troupe. And that's what she did. Quite well, I must say.
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One of the attributes that I aspire (as their father) to instill within all three of my children is discipline. Discipline is tough for children to appreciate, especially if they're not involved in team activities (where discipline is promoted via positive peer pressure / a coach). My oldest daughter has had the good fortune of being a school team member (middle / high school dance team), but the other two, not so much (other than middle daughter's experience within a theatrical production class).
My primary methodology for instilling discipline within my children is by not "babying" them. In other words, as salient members of our clan, I expect them to do their fair share of household chores, etc. on top of keeping up their grades, executing volunteer work and putting some sort of weekly emphasis on physical fitness (as opposed to the ubiquitous screen time).
Now, we're officially within the summer months, therefore my daughters are out of school, and like I alluded to earlier within this post, change of schedule / routine can bring about an upending of specific roles (as well as an implied loosening of guidelines).
So, here's a description of the situation.
It's Monday morning, and I was the first up (yesterday). And this isn't atypical for our household (me getting out of bed firstly). Now, when it comes to each child's schedule, I simply cannot keep up with it. Especially during the summer because the schedules are in no way routine. But, Angie does this with aplomb. She uses both her sharp mind as well as some sort of family calendar app to keep everything straight.
But I digress.
What I did, upon getting up, was awaken all three of our little sinners around 8 AM. I knew they'd turned in the night before around 10:30 PM (the oldest two with the youngest an hour earlier), therefore I felt it was time for them to get their weeks started.
Angie disagreed. And she respectfully made that known as she shushed me whilst standing there within our living room.
And this made me angry for I considered it an overstep on her part.
Therefore, about 30 minutes later, she asked me to sit down with her and the girls in the living room to discuss her / their point of view (for they had no interest in getting up at 8 AM either). And after listening to their rationale, I asked them to confer amongst themselves over the course of the day in preparation to report back to me regarding when to wake them up exactly on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday mornings over the remainder of the summer months (this was me being a smartass).
I did this whilst admitting that I know squat about their independent schedules, and don't want to (this was me being a dick).
And as I thought more about this situation throughout the day, I realized that Angie had every right to overstep here, despite it making me feel impeded upon as the dad.
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In closing, what would I have done differently yesterday morning whilst being approached by my sweet wife regarding this seemingly unimportant detail (wake time)?
Been more respectful. For Angie understands CLEARLY both her role as well as mine. Hence, the way she approached me when she did (with respect) demonstrated what I should have immediately reciprocated with (respect).
I also would have apologized - to all the girls - last night for overreacting yesterday morning.
Why?
It's important to me that my daughters understand - through their father - how men should act / react within the home - in a godly manner. And I want them to learn this via example.
Why is this important to me?
We men are dumbasses. Therefore, I want my daughters to choose a future husband who's somewhat less of a dumbass than the majority (which I'm a part of). My daughters' collective knowledge regarding a specific "model husband" is me - their father. That being, what's important to me, how I react, and so forth. Yikes.
If I don't demonstrate grace to my wife / girls, there's a risk my future son-in-laws won't either. And that scares the hell out of me.
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