Heart Attacker - The Death Of A "Good Man"

I've written extensively about the emotional trauma / fallout I endured via my termination from Delta State University in September of 2013.  Therein I experienced more pain / suffering than I ever thought imaginable.  All at the hands of an MBA / CPA who I greatly admired as my boss (in spite of his short 7-week up-to-that-point-in-time tenure as such).

Last night, I was aghast whilst stumbling across his online obituary.  It detailed his rich work life, love of the outdoors and the unsettling reality of a surprise heart attack which killed him on the spot a few years back (at his Delta hunting camp).  

Obviously, it had been a long time since I'd taken any time to do any online research on this man's whereabouts / status, and as such, this left me all the more flabbergasted relative to his sudden demise.  For he was only 64, and overall, in good health (he was an avid cyclist).  

Today, my emotions are all over the place regarding this revelation.  For I was expecting to find some mundane press release touting his continued commitment to university administrative work either in Arkansas or Mississippi.  Instead, I come across this unsettling truth.

The man's dead and has been dead for close to two years.

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I was pleased to see Steve's obituary nailing it by paying homage to exactly who I remember him to be.  Towards the end it summarizes by stating that he was the embodiment of a "good man".  I couldn't agree more.

Yet, what of my trauma?  Trauma that manifested itself as a result of this "good man's" words.  Trauma that no one else truly can understand except me and God.  Trauma that brought me closer to suicide than I ever imagined experiencing.

All I know to do with that is write this post in an attempt to begin untying the emotional knot in my chest.  

In closing, Steve took a lot of time with me.  So much so that I could tell he genuinely enjoyed my company.  I vividly remember leaving his office exhausted after one (of many) of our "information transfer" meetings.  We talked about the Delta State University Physical Plant, campus projects in planning and construction as well as my vision for the campuses' future.  

I was amazed at how intentional he was about listening to what I had to say.  Especially as it pertained to him reciprocating with pertinent / insightful questions.  As a result, I became more and more confident in myself each time we met.  In fact, he elevated me to a place of vocational inner resolve / confidence that I'd in no way achieved up to that point (over the course of my prior year as Campus Architect).  

Yet, all of that building up (whether intentional or not) came crashing down via his momentous final adjudication (after extensively researching what entailed of me breaking the institution's IT policy).

"We don't want people like you here."  

Both Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are gone and have been gone for a while.  Damn.  I'm speechless.

Could I be experiencing a version of Stockholm Syndrome as a means to continue to cope with my trauma?  

Do I have a trauma bond with a corpse?  If so, how do I break it?