Modern buildings cannot support themselves without structural members tied to a foundation. It's the
starting point of construction. Prior to the industrial revolution, structural members within a building
consisted primarily of the walls themselves. Hence they were dubbed load bearing walls. These walls
were very thick (particularly at the base) and at times had buttresses designed in to reinforce their
solidarity. Because the entire wall was supporting the roof and floors above, the wall could only be
described as a system which was tightly enmeshed relative to structure, interior finish, and exterior
envelope. Master tradesmen executed these designs with very few drawings / specs and oversight.
Today, very few commercial buildings utilize a structural system that consists of load bearing walls
exclusively. The reasoning behind this is primarily scale of fenestration (doors / windows) limitations as
well as building height. In lieu of load bearing walls, today's buildings are supported primarily
via structural steel and / or poured in place concrete frames. From an architectural standpoint, the modern structural system is seen as a necessary evil. Steel
columns are typically encapsulated within wall cavities underneath spray-on fireproofing while roof
trusses are typically given the cold shoulder in lieu of precisely symmetrical HVAC ductwork and exposed
cable trays. Concrete work isn't eschewed quite as severely, though rarely do you see structural
concrete work left exposed to the interior sans extensive finish touch up. In other words, it's assumed
that structure for structure's sake isn't to be celebrated much less respected in the least. Instead, it's the
frou frou that takes center stage. That being, interior finishes and envelope design. For pete's sake,
even furnishings get more respect! But, no one can argue that without structural systems, there would be no architecture, much less
buildings of any type.
As we used to say in architecture school, the sky crane has yet to be invented!
This 21st century architectural reality is identical to the sexual roles we're faced with today in our
western culture. Imagine structural systems (steel framing / concrete and steel foundations or the aforementioned load bearing walls) being a metaphor for
masculinity whilst all the interior finishes and envelope (including wall framing) to be a metaphor for
femininity. One might argue that one of the primary identifiers of a building as shelter is its envelope relative
to watertightness and interior comfort, but no one can dispute the plinth of existing that is a building's
structural system. Yet, the structural system can be hidden and still perform admirably, and as I stated
earlier, in today's architecture, it very rarely isn't. This is certainly not the case for the building envelope. It is always in clear view.
In today's culture, men and women are equal and completely independent of each other, yet in the
Bible, man was created by God prior to his helpmeet, woman, being formed from the rib of the
man. The Bible doesn't address their roles initially in any more detail than what I just wrote, but it's
clear that after the Fall, the masculine and feminine become more pronounced due to the paradigm
shift that inevitably occurred. What did that look like? I don't care to speculate, but I feel that both
Adam and Eve became much more defined in their complementarian sex roles.
If you want to damage a female or locate a damaged female, abandon one at a young age or find one
who's been abandoned by a patriarchal figure. Many (if not all) lesbians have patriarchal abandonment
issues. That being said, many lesbians aren't sexually attracted to other women despite the fact that they prefer to partner with them. For those who aren't,
they choose to be with other women in order to find emotional support that's in no way connected or
dependent upon men. This is their method of coping with the trauma associated with the patriarchal
abandonment, alleviating the risk entirely of experiencing said trauma again.
There is nothing that defines femininity more than their dependence on the masculine - by
definition. When this dependence is exploited by males, females suffer tremendous emotional consequences.
The feminine wouldn't exist without the masculine. They are byproducts of our existence. To be feminine is to be in need of support. Sometimes that's physical but mostly it's spiritual, economic,
and emotional. The latter is more of an anchor than anything else, albeit, some men do this better than
others. Women are forbidden to preach and teach to men. It's cut and dry in God's word. The feminine is beautiful and protective and nurturing. It's fashionable and fluid to the point of being in
many cases, seductive. But, that being said, the feminine can be crushed easily, resulting in devastation.
It is a delicately balanced relationship that's harmonious whilst being firmly planted in righteousness. To God be the glory for creating woman out of man. She is amazing to behold.
Saturday, July 27, 2019
The Marriage Pyramid
Written July, 2017
There is a pyramid that exists containing all of the marriages that are within my / our realm of influence. It's analogous to a pyramid built out of playing cards with each marriage represented by a pair of cards. I’m cognizant of these as I / we interact with other couples whether it be through vocation or church, neighborhood or school. There are far too many of these to count, but the ones that are closest to the bottom provide the most support to us. These inevitably are made up of older couples whose marriages had stood the test of time much longer than our own.
Many years ago, we became fast friends with an older couple with one teenage son. They were mentors of ours that we came to know through our church, and they loved us as we loved them. Angie and I hadn’t had any children at this point and overall were very much starting out on all fronts. Our new marriage had already hit some extremely rough patches during the initial two years. That being said, we were thankful to have this older Christian couple in our lives who'd been married for close to 2 decades.
Surprisingly, our friends decided to divorce a few years into our friendship. As far as we knew (based on what they communicated with us), the circumstances didn’t warrant the divorce from a Biblical standpoint, but nonetheless, they chose to do so. I recall we had just had our first child at this time. I can still remember sitting with my wife and asking the same question over and over – why would they choose to do this to us - to themselves and to us? What gain is there in throwing away everything they'd built together?
From there, Angie did have one last meeting with her / our friend, though neither of us ever did speak to the man (husband). The outcome of that meeting was one of disappointment and a sense of immense powerlessness relative to the integrity (that's a key concept here) of small area of the aforementioned marriage pyramid. From there, the woman chose to never speak to us again. It was heartbreaking to live through as we could feel their loss and ultimate abandonment of us within our very core.
When this couple chose to divorce, the stability of our marriage was inevitably shaken due to the fact that we were standing in many ways on their shoulders. The goodness and faithfulness that they were actively displaying served to buttress us in countless ways. Without it, we became less steady and certainly more jaded relative to the institution of marriage as a whole, and this was especially true as vulnerable newlyweds.
My initial employer out of college was a divorcee. He’d remarried and had two beautiful daughters with wife number two. I can remember spending time with their family at Christmas (awkward office parties) and over the summer at their lake house (even more awkward office party) one particularly hot July afternoon. They were obviously happily married, but I was always cognizant of the fact that their marriage wasn’t their first, therefore I didn’t consider it to necessarily qualify for our (first marriage) pyramid. It wasn’t that they weren’t altogether a fine example of a healthy marriage, but no matter how I sliced it, the pain from their initial failed marriage was visible within each of them as individuals. And it was that pain that I had such a difficult time looking past. Though I certainly wished them well, there was a sizable part of me that wanted nothing to do with that pain. Ever. And again, we were especially sensitive to this as newlyweds.
My second employer was a partnership, and the shareholder I worked for the mostest throughout my tenure there was a divorcee who’d remarried one of his employees who was also a divorcee. I spent many years working closely with this man on projects large and small, learning so much about the profession of architecture along the way, but when it came to marriage number two, it was obvious that it as well was difficult and not necessarily headed for deep seated solidarity. All the while, he had two boys from his first marriage who were living with their mother and his new wife also had a son who was living with his father.
This Saturday, I was in the grocery and bumped into this man. He was all smiles, giving me an update on his family. Within that delivery, I asked about his stepson. For I knew tangentially both this boy and his wife. In fact, I’d even attended their wedding – out of respect for my former boss – at Pinelake Baptist Church.
From what I could recall, the stepson had two daughters and they were living close by. I’d even seen his stepson and one of his granddaughters at our local elementary school at a father / daughter dance that I’d also attended a number of years back. All and all, this young man seemed to be a very cool guy.
And then the bomb dropped when...
My old boss informed me nonchalantly that his stepson had recently divorced, and actually had just remarried the night before!
I know my countenance revealed by nausea to him. I could feel it sync up with the pain in my heart. Within that moment, I flashedbackwards to his stepson’s wedding day at Pinelake church. It enabled me to see so many beautiful details that I’d long since forgotten.
This couple was striking together. Beautiful. He was a tall, handsome blonde and she was also a very attractive, tall blonde. Both professed to be Christians. College educated. Articulate. Funny. And on and on. I was so happy for them both, especially considering the familial difficulties the man had faced being reared within a broken home.
Upon seeing my reaction, my old boss then glossed over this news and continued forward into other relational particulars about his work, etc. Despite his best efforts, I was too shocked to hear anything else of any substance. Eventually, we parted ways there in the produce section.
Throughout this weekend, I’ve felt despair over this and so many divorces that I’ve witnessed relative to our pyramid. And honestly, it makes me fear for my own marriage. Every time I encounter another failed marriage, I’m forced to recall all of the others that have come before. And at this point in our marriage, there are too many divorces to keep up with.
In conclusion, there are so many divorces that have weakened our pyramid throughout the years. Couples of varying ages and walks of life. Through work or platonic connections, church or neighborhood we’re left speechless at the sheer quantity of divorces, re-marriages, divorces, and re-marriages. It’s literally like a plague that’s devastated the integrity of our region of the marriage pyramid and this devastation continues forward even as I type this. Depressing to say the least.
We feel powerless as we watch this destruction unfold. It’s heartbreaking – literally.
God hates divorce. I am convinced the marriage pyramid wasn’t meant to be compromised in this way. Each of our marriages truly are connected to each other within our own community. Who can endure the tangential pain of witnessing the destruction of marriages all around us?
Lagniappe
There is a pyramid that exists containing all of the marriages that are within my / our realm of influence. It's analogous to a pyramid built out of playing cards with each marriage represented by a pair of cards. I’m cognizant of these as I / we interact with other couples whether it be through vocation or church, neighborhood or school. There are far too many of these to count, but the ones that are closest to the bottom provide the most support to us. These inevitably are made up of older couples whose marriages had stood the test of time much longer than our own.
Many years ago, we became fast friends with an older couple with one teenage son. They were mentors of ours that we came to know through our church, and they loved us as we loved them. Angie and I hadn’t had any children at this point and overall were very much starting out on all fronts. Our new marriage had already hit some extremely rough patches during the initial two years. That being said, we were thankful to have this older Christian couple in our lives who'd been married for close to 2 decades.
Surprisingly, our friends decided to divorce a few years into our friendship. As far as we knew (based on what they communicated with us), the circumstances didn’t warrant the divorce from a Biblical standpoint, but nonetheless, they chose to do so. I recall we had just had our first child at this time. I can still remember sitting with my wife and asking the same question over and over – why would they choose to do this to us - to themselves and to us? What gain is there in throwing away everything they'd built together?
From there, Angie did have one last meeting with her / our friend, though neither of us ever did speak to the man (husband). The outcome of that meeting was one of disappointment and a sense of immense powerlessness relative to the integrity (that's a key concept here) of small area of the aforementioned marriage pyramid. From there, the woman chose to never speak to us again. It was heartbreaking to live through as we could feel their loss and ultimate abandonment of us within our very core.
When this couple chose to divorce, the stability of our marriage was inevitably shaken due to the fact that we were standing in many ways on their shoulders. The goodness and faithfulness that they were actively displaying served to buttress us in countless ways. Without it, we became less steady and certainly more jaded relative to the institution of marriage as a whole, and this was especially true as vulnerable newlyweds.
My initial employer out of college was a divorcee. He’d remarried and had two beautiful daughters with wife number two. I can remember spending time with their family at Christmas (awkward office parties) and over the summer at their lake house (even more awkward office party) one particularly hot July afternoon. They were obviously happily married, but I was always cognizant of the fact that their marriage wasn’t their first, therefore I didn’t consider it to necessarily qualify for our (first marriage) pyramid. It wasn’t that they weren’t altogether a fine example of a healthy marriage, but no matter how I sliced it, the pain from their initial failed marriage was visible within each of them as individuals. And it was that pain that I had such a difficult time looking past. Though I certainly wished them well, there was a sizable part of me that wanted nothing to do with that pain. Ever. And again, we were especially sensitive to this as newlyweds.
My second employer was a partnership, and the shareholder I worked for the mostest throughout my tenure there was a divorcee who’d remarried one of his employees who was also a divorcee. I spent many years working closely with this man on projects large and small, learning so much about the profession of architecture along the way, but when it came to marriage number two, it was obvious that it as well was difficult and not necessarily headed for deep seated solidarity. All the while, he had two boys from his first marriage who were living with their mother and his new wife also had a son who was living with his father.
This Saturday, I was in the grocery and bumped into this man. He was all smiles, giving me an update on his family. Within that delivery, I asked about his stepson. For I knew tangentially both this boy and his wife. In fact, I’d even attended their wedding – out of respect for my former boss – at Pinelake Baptist Church.
From what I could recall, the stepson had two daughters and they were living close by. I’d even seen his stepson and one of his granddaughters at our local elementary school at a father / daughter dance that I’d also attended a number of years back. All and all, this young man seemed to be a very cool guy.
And then the bomb dropped when...
My old boss informed me nonchalantly that his stepson had recently divorced, and actually had just remarried the night before!
I know my countenance revealed by nausea to him. I could feel it sync up with the pain in my heart. Within that moment, I flashedbackwards to his stepson’s wedding day at Pinelake church. It enabled me to see so many beautiful details that I’d long since forgotten.
This couple was striking together. Beautiful. He was a tall, handsome blonde and she was also a very attractive, tall blonde. Both professed to be Christians. College educated. Articulate. Funny. And on and on. I was so happy for them both, especially considering the familial difficulties the man had faced being reared within a broken home.
Upon seeing my reaction, my old boss then glossed over this news and continued forward into other relational particulars about his work, etc. Despite his best efforts, I was too shocked to hear anything else of any substance. Eventually, we parted ways there in the produce section.
Throughout this weekend, I’ve felt despair over this and so many divorces that I’ve witnessed relative to our pyramid. And honestly, it makes me fear for my own marriage. Every time I encounter another failed marriage, I’m forced to recall all of the others that have come before. And at this point in our marriage, there are too many divorces to keep up with.
In conclusion, there are so many divorces that have weakened our pyramid throughout the years. Couples of varying ages and walks of life. Through work or platonic connections, church or neighborhood we’re left speechless at the sheer quantity of divorces, re-marriages, divorces, and re-marriages. It’s literally like a plague that’s devastated the integrity of our region of the marriage pyramid and this devastation continues forward even as I type this. Depressing to say the least.
We feel powerless as we watch this destruction unfold. It’s heartbreaking – literally.
God hates divorce. I am convinced the marriage pyramid wasn’t meant to be compromised in this way. Each of our marriages truly are connected to each other within our own community. Who can endure the tangential pain of witnessing the destruction of marriages all around us?
Lagniappe
Sunday, July 21, 2019
Be Transformed
None of us can change our friends, spouses, parents, neighbors, employers, siblings. We have no bearing on their decisions or behavior, attitudes, or outlook. Their opinion of us in general, our points of view, faith, etc. are their own. We have no bearing there either.
This truth is a very frustrating one due to the fact that we live in a culture that prioritizes customization as well as the illusion of total life control. Therefore, as consumers, we gravitate towards experiences that provide this by default. Whether we're purchasing an automobile, a technological device, or a hamburger.
We want instantaneous gratification with exactly what we specify from our entertainment, recreational activities, even spiritual experiences. And, who wouldn't? It's such a conveniently luxurious paradigm to exist within.
Hence, these two work against each other, to the point that we begin to question why we're not seeing cross pollination occur between (which is ridiculous to consider, but often at times, how our brains operate).
-------------------------
I want to encourage you to consider the following:
The more you invest personally in cultural catering / luxuries, conversely, the more you'll potentially become stupefied / confused relative to your relationships - whether they're corporate or individual 'till eventually you begin to equate expectationally (my word) one with the other. Be mindful of that. It's a very slippery slope that can wreak emotional havoc rather quickly.
Remember, we're sheep. Sheep are stupid. Stupid is a verb. Many a divorce, premature job quitting, abandoned friendship, estranged family member, disappointment in church / charitable org stems from this unequivocal stance. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP. If you do, know this, you've been duped.
--------------------------
Lastly, you also have little control over your own self as it relates to sin and your sin nature. Disappointing but true. In other words, it's going to get the best of you unless you become an adopted son of God, and even then, you're going to have to fight tooth and nail to be victorious over your flesh over the long-term.
And that truth leads me to eternity, a word / concept that's as ignored as the entire concept of sin is within our culture.
Eternity: Afterlife. Heaven. Hell. Man's soul living beyond his body.
Do you believe or think on this truth? The Bible is built on this concept of life after death here on Earth. If you happen to believe life ends at brain death, you might as well take your Bible and use it as a doorstop.
As children, we all certainly hoped for eternity by default. That was ingrained in our DNA. Ask any child about death, and you'll immediately see that it scares them (just as it should scare us). They're keenly interested in believing that life doesn't simply stop there. Jesus cited children's simple faith as an example of what man's faith should look like, and that story I'm reminded of here.
Do you believe in life after death? Does it terrify you to consider eternity in hell for yourself and those I mentioned earlier (all those people you have no control over)?
Are you interested in allowing God to transform you into someone else, even as you continue to walk this Earth? The Bible says that we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. What does that mean, and how might it occur? Read Scripture. It's detailed there. The apostle Paul in particular, wrote an awful lot about this.
For me, there's much peace of mind that comes with knowing transformation is happening / active within my life, and that this process is God's alone to ordain / implement / execute. I like resting in this truth. Especially when I'm frustrated over the one I mentioned earlier. Too, I rest similarly knowing I can pray for those whom I have no control over and trust that God's hand is / will be working within their lives as well - as he sees fit.
I want to experience heaven after death, but too, I similarly want to experience heaven now by taking part in the becoming of a new Rob each and every day. There's joy there in seeing that occur as my flesh dies and my spirit matures. All thanks to God's grace. Let that be your / our only focus today.
This truth is a very frustrating one due to the fact that we live in a culture that prioritizes customization as well as the illusion of total life control. Therefore, as consumers, we gravitate towards experiences that provide this by default. Whether we're purchasing an automobile, a technological device, or a hamburger.
We want instantaneous gratification with exactly what we specify from our entertainment, recreational activities, even spiritual experiences. And, who wouldn't? It's such a conveniently luxurious paradigm to exist within.
Hence, these two work against each other, to the point that we begin to question why we're not seeing cross pollination occur between (which is ridiculous to consider, but often at times, how our brains operate).
-------------------------
I want to encourage you to consider the following:
The more you invest personally in cultural catering / luxuries, conversely, the more you'll potentially become stupefied / confused relative to your relationships - whether they're corporate or individual 'till eventually you begin to equate expectationally (my word) one with the other. Be mindful of that. It's a very slippery slope that can wreak emotional havoc rather quickly.
Remember, we're sheep. Sheep are stupid. Stupid is a verb. Many a divorce, premature job quitting, abandoned friendship, estranged family member, disappointment in church / charitable org stems from this unequivocal stance. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP. If you do, know this, you've been duped.
--------------------------
Lastly, you also have little control over your own self as it relates to sin and your sin nature. Disappointing but true. In other words, it's going to get the best of you unless you become an adopted son of God, and even then, you're going to have to fight tooth and nail to be victorious over your flesh over the long-term.
And that truth leads me to eternity, a word / concept that's as ignored as the entire concept of sin is within our culture.
Eternity: Afterlife. Heaven. Hell. Man's soul living beyond his body.
Do you believe or think on this truth? The Bible is built on this concept of life after death here on Earth. If you happen to believe life ends at brain death, you might as well take your Bible and use it as a doorstop.
As children, we all certainly hoped for eternity by default. That was ingrained in our DNA. Ask any child about death, and you'll immediately see that it scares them (just as it should scare us). They're keenly interested in believing that life doesn't simply stop there. Jesus cited children's simple faith as an example of what man's faith should look like, and that story I'm reminded of here.
Do you believe in life after death? Does it terrify you to consider eternity in hell for yourself and those I mentioned earlier (all those people you have no control over)?
Are you interested in allowing God to transform you into someone else, even as you continue to walk this Earth? The Bible says that we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. What does that mean, and how might it occur? Read Scripture. It's detailed there. The apostle Paul in particular, wrote an awful lot about this.
For me, there's much peace of mind that comes with knowing transformation is happening / active within my life, and that this process is God's alone to ordain / implement / execute. I like resting in this truth. Especially when I'm frustrated over the one I mentioned earlier. Too, I rest similarly knowing I can pray for those whom I have no control over and trust that God's hand is / will be working within their lives as well - as he sees fit.
I want to experience heaven after death, but too, I similarly want to experience heaven now by taking part in the becoming of a new Rob each and every day. There's joy there in seeing that occur as my flesh dies and my spirit matures. All thanks to God's grace. Let that be your / our only focus today.
Saturday, July 20, 2019
You Become the Company You Keep
I've been thinking more and more on my best friend in high school. Considering that, I'm sad to report he's no longer a friend. That being said, how grateful I am to have had him in my life for such a time as that.
When I was about to start my 9th grade year in high school, this soon to be friend of mine was similarly about to start his 10th, and it was during this time in our lives that I platonically pursued both he and his best friend (who happened to be female) with equal effort. Rob needed friends, and I had admired these two from afar, having the opportunity to observe their rapport whilst together in the marching band.
What soon followed (after I'd been allowed into their circle) was David beginning to pull away from his friendgirl and gravitating more and more towards Rob. And none of this did I expect, nor did I comprehend exactly how I was situationally affecting his life. All I'd desired was friendship from each of them, but in making my move, I gained so much more than that by unknowingly meeting an unmet need of his that I had no way of originally seeing because...
David was exceedingly bright. His grades were tops, yet he simply stayed inside of himself completely, never attempting to excel beyond what required deep thought. And I believe that was what was so intriguing to me. He had no insecurity in being focused on schoolwork or tennis or marching band or pop culture alone. Everything else (and there was much more going on - as there always is) was ignored or perhaps compartmentalized. This kind of intense focus made for an almost impenetrable aura of coolness.
And I believe this modus operandi seemed masculine to David because it off gassed the perception of a confidence that was seemingly unprecedented for a teenage boy, much less a young man.
For example, I remember vividly hearing of David giving his valedictorian speech using leadership examples that were exceedingly effeminate for a Mississippi teen. Yet, no one questioned this due to the fact that it came from him. It was simply David being David.
And I loved this confidence. It's what I admired most about him on a subconscious level, being much too young to understand what was truly going on between us.
-------------------------
On the opposing end of this friendship persona spectrum is deep seated insecurity. Insecurity which in some men breeds cynicism. And this by some can be defined as criticism with no hope.
It wasn't 'till I was in the professional world that I witnessed this. Envy breeds from this particular internal outlook as well as paranoia. Two attributes that tend to isolate men, which can cause them to ultimately cannibalize their own selves prior to self-destructing.
These men also have needs, but whilst acknowledging that for yourself, it feels like such a risk to invest there knowing that likely they'll be nothing gained in return.
But, what does God expect of us as Christians? Of course, invest. Take the risk, not expecting anything in return, and encourage this man to listen to this Pirate Monk podcast.
-------------------------
So, where is David today?
He's far from Mississippi, living a life that breaks my heart.
I'm certain he's very similar to who I remember him to be all those years ago, and I doubt I'll ever meet anyone with his level of confidence again, therefore I'm fortunate to have had the time I once did.
God is good. His blessing detailed here on teenage me. So much of who I am grew out of the fertile soil that my long ago friendship with David provided.
When I was about to start my 9th grade year in high school, this soon to be friend of mine was similarly about to start his 10th, and it was during this time in our lives that I platonically pursued both he and his best friend (who happened to be female) with equal effort. Rob needed friends, and I had admired these two from afar, having the opportunity to observe their rapport whilst together in the marching band.
What soon followed (after I'd been allowed into their circle) was David beginning to pull away from his friendgirl and gravitating more and more towards Rob. And none of this did I expect, nor did I comprehend exactly how I was situationally affecting his life. All I'd desired was friendship from each of them, but in making my move, I gained so much more than that by unknowingly meeting an unmet need of his that I had no way of originally seeing because...
David was exceedingly bright. His grades were tops, yet he simply stayed inside of himself completely, never attempting to excel beyond what required deep thought. And I believe that was what was so intriguing to me. He had no insecurity in being focused on schoolwork or tennis or marching band or pop culture alone. Everything else (and there was much more going on - as there always is) was ignored or perhaps compartmentalized. This kind of intense focus made for an almost impenetrable aura of coolness.
And I believe this modus operandi seemed masculine to David because it off gassed the perception of a confidence that was seemingly unprecedented for a teenage boy, much less a young man.
For example, I remember vividly hearing of David giving his valedictorian speech using leadership examples that were exceedingly effeminate for a Mississippi teen. Yet, no one questioned this due to the fact that it came from him. It was simply David being David.
And I loved this confidence. It's what I admired most about him on a subconscious level, being much too young to understand what was truly going on between us.
-------------------------
On the opposing end of this friendship persona spectrum is deep seated insecurity. Insecurity which in some men breeds cynicism. And this by some can be defined as criticism with no hope.
It wasn't 'till I was in the professional world that I witnessed this. Envy breeds from this particular internal outlook as well as paranoia. Two attributes that tend to isolate men, which can cause them to ultimately cannibalize their own selves prior to self-destructing.
These men also have needs, but whilst acknowledging that for yourself, it feels like such a risk to invest there knowing that likely they'll be nothing gained in return.
But, what does God expect of us as Christians? Of course, invest. Take the risk, not expecting anything in return, and encourage this man to listen to this Pirate Monk podcast.
-------------------------
So, where is David today?
He's far from Mississippi, living a life that breaks my heart.
I'm certain he's very similar to who I remember him to be all those years ago, and I doubt I'll ever meet anyone with his level of confidence again, therefore I'm fortunate to have had the time I once did.
God is good. His blessing detailed here on teenage me. So much of who I am grew out of the fertile soil that my long ago friendship with David provided.
Why Is Samson Society Important To Rob?
Yesterday afternoon, the office was quiet. Everyone had left but me. I needed to finish up a few more things prior to Monday when it all starts again. Work. Work. Work. The never ending pursuit of making money through employment whether to someone else or for your own self. Got to get those bills paid and save up for retirement!
There are 2 PCs at my office that are unmonitored via Covenant Eyes, therefore they serve as opportunities for me to peruse Internet porn whilst there alone. Years ago, when the Internet began to become ubiquitous within white collar office settings, I would seize the opportunity to do this repeatedly. Whether it was over the weekend or after hours on weekdays, and even if for a few minutes.
Consuming Internet porn is cathartic for Rob. It's like smoking weed, I suppose. I cannot think of a more enjoyable, relaxing pursuit than browsing for smut online. So many of the images are strikingly beautiful and the unlimited amount of smut is such fun to parse through!
Back in 2013, I was terminated from my "dream job" due to my breaching my employer's information technology policy. Not only had I been surfing for porn (and subsequently masturbating at my desk), but I was writing a blog not unlike this one where I was recounting to the world my struggles with / bondage to sexual sin. That termination - how it was executed - was not unlike being raped emotionally. And through that violation, I became impregnated with a massive sense of worthlessness. For 18+ months, I struggled with PTSD. At my lowest point, I was suicidal.
Never have I experienced such emotional pain and hardship. It was devastatingly difficult to endure the ever demanding responsibilities of life through that nightmare.
-------------------------
Prior to my termination, I was attempting to pursue friendships with Christian men within the small town setting we found ourselves within. We were members of a thriving Presbyterian Church, and I attended every early morning (monthly) men's prayer breakfast that was available to me. These were well attended, but stagnant in helping Rob make platonic connections. Plus, the build up of shame I was experiencing on every occasion I walked into that church was becoming very difficult to bear.
What I craved were friendships that were built on authenticity. I wanted men in my life that were willing to invest in me on a personal level. Men who were interested in my story and who would be willing to walk with me through that particular season / setting of life.
I remember writing a letter to the senior pastor of this church and asking for help. To be more specific, I needed some counsel relative to the issue of masturbation, being keenly interested in his take on that issue.
Unfortunately, he chose to shun me in lieu of reciprocating.
As you can imagine, this only made my situation more shameful. I felt like a martian at this point.
--------------------------
Satan exists. He's the father of lies, and his goal is to kill all of us by concocting such theatrics within our individual lives that we eventually succumb to the ordinary. The routine. It's called settling, and I was fast approaching this particular resolve.
But then there's our Heavenly Father. He's in pursuit, working to counter our own lethargic selves / situational trappings as well as our number one Enemy, Lucifer.
-------------------------
+/-9 months after being terminated from my job, I began to talk openly to my sweet wife about the repeated voices in my head that were saying, "Why Don't You Kill Yourself?", and thanks to her prompting me to talk with my father about said voices, I eventually found Samson Society.
And the rest is history.
I remember vividly the first Wednesday night I walked into a meeting. I remember both the excitement mixed with the shame regarding my story (recent failures as well as overall). I can still see the faces of so many men, all of which I admittedly longed to know better.
Those memories, from both that initial meeting as well as the countless others I've both attended and facilitated, carry me forward and serve to bind me to this ministry where relational accountability is uplifted and celebrated amongst men. This is why Samson Society is so important to me.
And no, I chose to not look at Internet porn yesterday at the office after hours.
There are 2 PCs at my office that are unmonitored via Covenant Eyes, therefore they serve as opportunities for me to peruse Internet porn whilst there alone. Years ago, when the Internet began to become ubiquitous within white collar office settings, I would seize the opportunity to do this repeatedly. Whether it was over the weekend or after hours on weekdays, and even if for a few minutes.
Consuming Internet porn is cathartic for Rob. It's like smoking weed, I suppose. I cannot think of a more enjoyable, relaxing pursuit than browsing for smut online. So many of the images are strikingly beautiful and the unlimited amount of smut is such fun to parse through!
Back in 2013, I was terminated from my "dream job" due to my breaching my employer's information technology policy. Not only had I been surfing for porn (and subsequently masturbating at my desk), but I was writing a blog not unlike this one where I was recounting to the world my struggles with / bondage to sexual sin. That termination - how it was executed - was not unlike being raped emotionally. And through that violation, I became impregnated with a massive sense of worthlessness. For 18+ months, I struggled with PTSD. At my lowest point, I was suicidal.
Never have I experienced such emotional pain and hardship. It was devastatingly difficult to endure the ever demanding responsibilities of life through that nightmare.
-------------------------
Prior to my termination, I was attempting to pursue friendships with Christian men within the small town setting we found ourselves within. We were members of a thriving Presbyterian Church, and I attended every early morning (monthly) men's prayer breakfast that was available to me. These were well attended, but stagnant in helping Rob make platonic connections. Plus, the build up of shame I was experiencing on every occasion I walked into that church was becoming very difficult to bear.
What I craved were friendships that were built on authenticity. I wanted men in my life that were willing to invest in me on a personal level. Men who were interested in my story and who would be willing to walk with me through that particular season / setting of life.
I remember writing a letter to the senior pastor of this church and asking for help. To be more specific, I needed some counsel relative to the issue of masturbation, being keenly interested in his take on that issue.
Unfortunately, he chose to shun me in lieu of reciprocating.
As you can imagine, this only made my situation more shameful. I felt like a martian at this point.
--------------------------
Satan exists. He's the father of lies, and his goal is to kill all of us by concocting such theatrics within our individual lives that we eventually succumb to the ordinary. The routine. It's called settling, and I was fast approaching this particular resolve.
But then there's our Heavenly Father. He's in pursuit, working to counter our own lethargic selves / situational trappings as well as our number one Enemy, Lucifer.
-------------------------
+/-9 months after being terminated from my job, I began to talk openly to my sweet wife about the repeated voices in my head that were saying, "Why Don't You Kill Yourself?", and thanks to her prompting me to talk with my father about said voices, I eventually found Samson Society.
And the rest is history.
I remember vividly the first Wednesday night I walked into a meeting. I remember both the excitement mixed with the shame regarding my story (recent failures as well as overall). I can still see the faces of so many men, all of which I admittedly longed to know better.
Those memories, from both that initial meeting as well as the countless others I've both attended and facilitated, carry me forward and serve to bind me to this ministry where relational accountability is uplifted and celebrated amongst men. This is why Samson Society is so important to me.
And no, I chose to not look at Internet porn yesterday at the office after hours.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
The Post Office Box of the Mind
Many years ago, my wife took over the responsibility of checking the business Post Office Box of her employer, a small accounting firm who'd recently relocated their operation to south Mississippi. The firm was a small husband / wife operation, but in needing to move south, they still had a client base here that demanded servicing. Therefore, Angie was happy to help; hence, she stayed onboard.
Most nights after work, I would stop by the Post Office to check the aforementioned box, and for weeks and weeks on end, each time I'd open it up, it would be jam packed with catalogs from every conceivable retailer you could imagine.
There were toy catalogs, lingerie, men and women's clothing, hardware, furniture, home accessories, and on and on. I remember too there were catalogs that fell into the offbeat category such as fairy themed statuary, Irish pub themed interior decor, etc. It was amazing to behold how much junk mail was being delivered to this one P.O. Box each and every day in Brandon, Mississippi.
-------------------------
During my last year of college, I was dealing with so much up in my head that I had no idea what to truly make of it. Circumstantially, I was in deep with my girlfriend (now wife), and soon to be (hopefully) employed at my first job within the architectural field. I decided it was time for me to seek help. Too much was at stake for me to continue forward on my own. I'd spent years and years attempting to analyze and ultimately understand my thought life, but it was a 2-month backpacking trip during the summer of '94 that finally brought me to a place where I knew I didn't want to go at this alone any more.
Eventually, I confided in my 'rents as to my state of mind, and from there, they were kind enough to assist me in obtaining quality counsel, and it was through that relationship with that (now deceased) clinical psychologist that light began to be shed on my situation. He and I sorted through and unpacked an awful lot over 3 or 4 months. Plus, he provided numerous cautionary words that no one else with that same insight had ever shared with me. It was a wonderfully helpful experience!
For Rob, sinful behavior was nurtured by and within this state of mental confusion. I never used it as an excuse, but despite my ownership in what I was taking part in, I knew I was much more susceptible to temptation whilst being within a state of confusion.
Considering that truth from my past and subsequently applying it today, I've had men also advise me to stave off access to sin-laden opportunities. And I believe this is sound advice. Pragmatics certainly can play into protecting ourselves as Christians, but what's really wonderfully helpful at times is having someone more experienced come alongside you to assist in unpacking mental deliverables that inevitably keep showing up unannounced. Deliverables which seem to promulgate out of some unforeseen or unclear point of origin.
-------------------------
Eventually, I took action against the Post Office Box, I deciding to stave off the unnecessary waste as well as the huge distraction it was to Rob. I have to admit that I simply couldn't resist the pull to leaf through all this unsolicited junk mail day after day.
Therefore, I systematically began calling the retailers one by one. I did this at home with my daily stack of catalogs in hand, asking for this particular P.O. Box to be removed from their mailing list. It was a long, tedious process, but it was worth it, and after 2 or 3 months, I'd taken care of every one despite the fact that I had to call certain companies repeatedly.
My attitude here regarding this was one of novel steadfastness. In other words, I tried to see the opportunity in relegating this work to myself as more than just a drudgery. Instead, it was an attempt to be consistent relative to a condition that I'd found myself within via no surrogacy of my own.
I suppose you might liken this situation to renting an apartment that was haunted, or perhaps purchasing a used car that seemingly drives itself away unannounced after you'd parked it in front of your apartment rental. Annoying and very weird, but such is life sometimes.
I can personally attest that the mind is complex and sometimes needs "higher oversight", requiring its owner to reach out for help. Also, unpacking takes work and lots of dedicated time that's realistically impossible to do alone. Therefore, don't hesitate to reach out for help. Take action against a state of mind that's negatively intrusive in its ways. Hijacking is no doubt a real experience, but no doubt one that should be settled for.
Most nights after work, I would stop by the Post Office to check the aforementioned box, and for weeks and weeks on end, each time I'd open it up, it would be jam packed with catalogs from every conceivable retailer you could imagine.
There were toy catalogs, lingerie, men and women's clothing, hardware, furniture, home accessories, and on and on. I remember too there were catalogs that fell into the offbeat category such as fairy themed statuary, Irish pub themed interior decor, etc. It was amazing to behold how much junk mail was being delivered to this one P.O. Box each and every day in Brandon, Mississippi.
-------------------------
During my last year of college, I was dealing with so much up in my head that I had no idea what to truly make of it. Circumstantially, I was in deep with my girlfriend (now wife), and soon to be (hopefully) employed at my first job within the architectural field. I decided it was time for me to seek help. Too much was at stake for me to continue forward on my own. I'd spent years and years attempting to analyze and ultimately understand my thought life, but it was a 2-month backpacking trip during the summer of '94 that finally brought me to a place where I knew I didn't want to go at this alone any more.
Eventually, I confided in my 'rents as to my state of mind, and from there, they were kind enough to assist me in obtaining quality counsel, and it was through that relationship with that (now deceased) clinical psychologist that light began to be shed on my situation. He and I sorted through and unpacked an awful lot over 3 or 4 months. Plus, he provided numerous cautionary words that no one else with that same insight had ever shared with me. It was a wonderfully helpful experience!
For Rob, sinful behavior was nurtured by and within this state of mental confusion. I never used it as an excuse, but despite my ownership in what I was taking part in, I knew I was much more susceptible to temptation whilst being within a state of confusion.
Considering that truth from my past and subsequently applying it today, I've had men also advise me to stave off access to sin-laden opportunities. And I believe this is sound advice. Pragmatics certainly can play into protecting ourselves as Christians, but what's really wonderfully helpful at times is having someone more experienced come alongside you to assist in unpacking mental deliverables that inevitably keep showing up unannounced. Deliverables which seem to promulgate out of some unforeseen or unclear point of origin.
-------------------------
Eventually, I took action against the Post Office Box, I deciding to stave off the unnecessary waste as well as the huge distraction it was to Rob. I have to admit that I simply couldn't resist the pull to leaf through all this unsolicited junk mail day after day.
Therefore, I systematically began calling the retailers one by one. I did this at home with my daily stack of catalogs in hand, asking for this particular P.O. Box to be removed from their mailing list. It was a long, tedious process, but it was worth it, and after 2 or 3 months, I'd taken care of every one despite the fact that I had to call certain companies repeatedly.
My attitude here regarding this was one of novel steadfastness. In other words, I tried to see the opportunity in relegating this work to myself as more than just a drudgery. Instead, it was an attempt to be consistent relative to a condition that I'd found myself within via no surrogacy of my own.
I suppose you might liken this situation to renting an apartment that was haunted, or perhaps purchasing a used car that seemingly drives itself away unannounced after you'd parked it in front of your apartment rental. Annoying and very weird, but such is life sometimes.
I can personally attest that the mind is complex and sometimes needs "higher oversight", requiring its owner to reach out for help. Also, unpacking takes work and lots of dedicated time that's realistically impossible to do alone. Therefore, don't hesitate to reach out for help. Take action against a state of mind that's negatively intrusive in its ways. Hijacking is no doubt a real experience, but no doubt one that should be settled for.
Monday, July 8, 2019
"I Don't Regret Anything I Said."
Have you ever had someone say that to you, or to someone else regarding their words to you?
I've said and written so many things that I regret that they're too numerous to even begin to quantify. Scripture is clear when it comes to speech. Less is more.
What I find is when someone says this, they're sinking in a deep pile of doo doo that smells of regret, yet they'd rather tolerate the stink than admit to their wrongdoing. Eventually though, they're going to be up to their neck in shit. Once that occurs, they'd best reconsider their stubbornness. Otherwise, they're going to inevitably asphyxiate.
My wife is such the Olympian when it comes to asking forgiveness for misplaced words. If fact, she does it so reflexively that I'm almost annoyed by it. Why is this?
Because, I'm the opposite.
I'm the one who'd rather hold my ground, wait it out, and hope for the Earth to instead swallow me whole in order for me to NOT have to admit to my foolish words. I'll take a dramatic death over coming clean with my tongue any day.
What's really fun though is being cognizant enough of your own past dialogue screw ups (especially if it involves those same guilty parties) well enough to be humble regarding your wounds (enacted by them). Not to ignore the brevity of those recent hurts, but to put them in perspective.
Perspective is such a powerful tool relative to managing pain that's doled out by our fellow man. Use it to God's glory. "Those who wait upon the Lord..."
Also, be merciful by recalling the aroma of feces and how disgusting it is having had yourself all packed in by it, and remember too that vengeance is the Lord's. There's no guarantee you'll ever receive an apology, nor should you expect one as a representative of Christ. Will their words affect the relationship within the immediate future? Either way (apology or not), yes.
Wouldn't it be so awesome if we could undo our speech? Undo. Undo. Undo.
I've said and written so many things that I regret that they're too numerous to even begin to quantify. Scripture is clear when it comes to speech. Less is more.
What I find is when someone says this, they're sinking in a deep pile of doo doo that smells of regret, yet they'd rather tolerate the stink than admit to their wrongdoing. Eventually though, they're going to be up to their neck in shit. Once that occurs, they'd best reconsider their stubbornness. Otherwise, they're going to inevitably asphyxiate.
My wife is such the Olympian when it comes to asking forgiveness for misplaced words. If fact, she does it so reflexively that I'm almost annoyed by it. Why is this?
Because, I'm the opposite.
I'm the one who'd rather hold my ground, wait it out, and hope for the Earth to instead swallow me whole in order for me to NOT have to admit to my foolish words. I'll take a dramatic death over coming clean with my tongue any day.
What's really fun though is being cognizant enough of your own past dialogue screw ups (especially if it involves those same guilty parties) well enough to be humble regarding your wounds (enacted by them). Not to ignore the brevity of those recent hurts, but to put them in perspective.
Perspective is such a powerful tool relative to managing pain that's doled out by our fellow man. Use it to God's glory. "Those who wait upon the Lord..."
Also, be merciful by recalling the aroma of feces and how disgusting it is having had yourself all packed in by it, and remember too that vengeance is the Lord's. There's no guarantee you'll ever receive an apology, nor should you expect one as a representative of Christ. Will their words affect the relationship within the immediate future? Either way (apology or not), yes.
Wouldn't it be so awesome if we could undo our speech? Undo. Undo. Undo.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)