When I heard this from my best friend from high school many years ago, I wasn't surprised. He'd moved away after graduation with no intentions of returning. At that particular point in time (relative to his statement), he was living in North Carolina with a friend who may now be his husband. Reconnecting with him was one of the primary motivators for me to setup a profile on Facebook for a short stint, and yes, I had a sneaking suspicion that Greg was within a living a lifestyle of sexual sin.
Throughout this time of reconnection, thanks to the newly minted social media craze, Greg and I never actually talked. Our only dialogue was electronic via email, therefore upon hearing this statement, I realized it was coming from a place I was neither equipped nor really interested in exploring. He and I had spent the majority of our high school years together, therefore this level of criticism of Mississippi was akin to what I vividly remember of his extensive emotional immaturity.
-------------------------
On the flip side of this statement is a Samson friend whom I first connected with a couple of three years ago. This man is about my age, having found himself transferred to Mississippi due to his vocation a few years prior to involving himself in Samson Society. I was privileged to be present during his first Samson Society meeting (and to eventually become his first Silas), and still today, he's chosen to attend meetings and stay committed to The Path. What's amazing about this man is who he's now become.
It's not my place to tell his story here or otherwise, but having seen the man I saw today (at the Lakeside Pres Samson Society meeting), in contrast to who he was, it is amazing to behold.
In closing, I would argue his living in Mississippi actually added 10 years to his life due to him gaining access to a number of the Metro Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society meetings on a regular basis. And this, of course, served to foster his journey along The Path and all the good that came from that. Even if this man someday moves away from The Magnolia state to be closer to his childhood home or otherwise, I'm convinced that the impact God has made in and through him whilst here with us will carry forward. I do not see the impact him living in Mississippi has made ever leaving this man. Ever. Thanks be to God!
Saturday, January 18, 2020
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
Samson 2020 Spring Retreat - April 23-26th
Per Mr. Don Waller:
Men,
We will embarked on another adventure in Ocoee, TN:
When: April 23rd – 26th
Where: Ocoee Retreat Center – Walnut Cabin
What:
Men’s Coaching Weekend, sharing your story around the camp fire, paint ball, White Water Rafting, Great Food and Fellowship.
Cost:
$150 covers lodging, food and paintball. (Rafting $50, incidentals: gas for vehicle you ride in $10 a piece, fast food going and coming, tip for raft guide $10).
Transportation: Van, Sequoia and Pick- up.
We are limited to 16 – first come, first serve: so if you desire to go please email me and bring check or cash to me or Venmo account Don Waller@Don-Waller or snail mail at P.O. Box 1, Jackson, MS 39205.
What Exactly Are You Looking For Whilst Consuming Salacious Material?
I would argue that it's respect. Respect for your own self first and foremost.
Many men (pagan or otherwise) never realize this, and why should they? Instead, they simply pontificate about what it is they're drawn to within salacious photographic material. And this day and age, thanks to the Internet, this can go on ad nauseum (just as the material itself can).
Of course, most boys spend some time consuming salacious material simply due to the newness of it all coupled with hormones. Teenage boys = case in point = normal.
I believe most Christian men simply stop thinking clearly post consumption. The guilt and shame are too much, thoroughly gumming up their synapses. Most have been reared in environments that are such sexuality discourse vacuums that they're unequipped to even begin to handle the Pandora's Box that's been opened by said salacious photographic material. A number of individuals cite this developmental neglect whilst describing their ramping up towards their inevitable addiction. Perhaps. I do know that there's a massive vulnerability there, and it's rooted in simply ill equipped Christian men facing one of the, if not the most culturally amplified identifier there is sans any real knowledge of what they're facing from the standpoint of what it's doing to them and why.
"Are you gay? Straight? A virgin? Have you had sex with her / him?"
"How's your sex life? What are you doing to make yourself more attractive? Do you feel attractive today?"
Sex has become the the lens within our western culture that we've chosen to see humanity through, therefore due to the ubiquity of cultural influence, we find ourselves using it within a similar vein. It's almost impossible not to.
So that's two issues at stake here, one rooted in emotions fueled by blatant, childlike ignorance and the other fueled by circumstance / setting.
-------------------------
There is little respect from outside sources this day and age relative to simply being a man, and one could argue this is well deserved due to men's penchant to abuse, neglect, strongarming both women, children, and other men in order to please themselves. But too, due to our present day global "knowledge economy", the specific attributes of being men - physical attributes in particular - do not automatically appoint us to serve as the breadwinner / protector / fighter - this day and age - within our households. Instead, our vocational roles (& therefore familial roles), at least, have become equalized across the board.
Something else to consider. Biblically, men are called to serve (their wives firstly), but most men within our culture cannot identify any part of themselves on any level with scripture. Why is this?
Because the Bible is God's Word. Written word. In book form.
My how different the world of men would be had God either utilized a Netflix series to relay his plan for his created world or hired a couple of NFL teams to spell it out during a pre-game show!
Two more issues at stake. Men's masculine roles being massively infringed upon / squeezed / diluted coupled with the ignorance of men relative to their cursory understanding of God's expectations for them.
-------------------------
"Stave off every sin option!" That's what my friend would say. "Stop fertilizing that particular row of your mental garden. Cut off that route." You get the picture. And it makes sense, but there's that root problem that's not being addressed. The one that points back to the title of this post. And I hate asking this question because it's so hard to admit to needing to be answered.
-------------------------
When I was a boy (only child), a good neighborhood friend (also an only child) would have me over to his house much more often than me returning the favor likewise. In looking back, this was because I much more enjoyed time over there than time at my own home (w/ my friend in tow). And this was rooted in what I saw / experienced of his household and how vastly different it was than my own.
My friend's father was, by today's standards, a dirty, old man. He was the antithesis of what I was used to seeing within my boyhood world. The man actually looked dirty, if you know what I mean. His skin was leathery and tan with a few murky green tattoos scattered about. He drank whiskey and told dirty jokes. And he was always sitting in his recliner over in the corner of their small den flipping through channels on their CRT TV as furniture.
But the most interesting thing about this man was his willingness to dialogue with us boys. Not about school or toys, Boy Scouting (my friend and I were in the same cub scout troop) or church, but women and wine, sex and all things profane. It was shocking at first to be around this, but so different than another friend's dad who simply laid silently on their couch all the time corpse-like. The man was motionless whilst staring at the TV, never once acknowledging our presence as we traversed silently to and fro through their small den.
By today's standards / expectations, my friend's dad (if he were still living) would represent the ultimate politically incorrect caricature of a man, but I would argue, also by today's standards, that my memory of him embodies the perpetual anchoring of truth, relative to true manhood, from the angle of who we all would like on some level to grow up to be. And this I believe was true despite his crustiness and unrefined influence. I mean, you certainly had to work to see through that perimeter, but from there, he was simply to be respected. Plus, he had a wonderful sense of humor and was genuinely a fun-loving older man. Below is a photo of the mid '80s 4Runner. He had one of these (it was navy blue with a black top) with a Dukes of Hazzard horn.
-------------------------
1. If you're going to love and love well, you must firstly love yourself as the man God created you to be. And that internal love is rooted in respect (for yourself). 2. Despite our culture's choosing to elevate sexuality as its language / rating system for life in general, we're absolutely not wise to follow suit, but as men, especially Christian men, we should be moreso enlightened to why this is effectively so (& its affecting role on us) more than anyone else. And from there, I would argue, peace settles in, and we're sort of "in on the childishness of it all" if you know what I mean.
3. Now, when it comes to my third point, it's simply the reality we live in. Some guys experience a lot of background feedback from this equalization paradigm, but overall, the key, in my experience, is always tied to who exactly you're working / living with in this vein and how you're treated in turn / given an opportunity to treat / serve in return. Specific ingredients make the recipe either soar or fall flat.
4. And finally, here we are back at the beginning relative to acknowledging an understanding of God's word and how it can be applied to our lives today as Christians.
As an aside, my Silas and I meet weekly and we're embarking this year on taking some time to study specifics on certain Biblical men including:
- Moses
- Joshua
- Job
- David
- Daniel
- Paul
- Barnabas
I'm tasked with coming up with five questions that will be used to analyze each well.
Lagniappe
Many men (pagan or otherwise) never realize this, and why should they? Instead, they simply pontificate about what it is they're drawn to within salacious photographic material. And this day and age, thanks to the Internet, this can go on ad nauseum (just as the material itself can).
Of course, most boys spend some time consuming salacious material simply due to the newness of it all coupled with hormones. Teenage boys = case in point = normal.
I believe most Christian men simply stop thinking clearly post consumption. The guilt and shame are too much, thoroughly gumming up their synapses. Most have been reared in environments that are such sexuality discourse vacuums that they're unequipped to even begin to handle the Pandora's Box that's been opened by said salacious photographic material. A number of individuals cite this developmental neglect whilst describing their ramping up towards their inevitable addiction. Perhaps. I do know that there's a massive vulnerability there, and it's rooted in simply ill equipped Christian men facing one of the, if not the most culturally amplified identifier there is sans any real knowledge of what they're facing from the standpoint of what it's doing to them and why.
"Are you gay? Straight? A virgin? Have you had sex with her / him?"
"How's your sex life? What are you doing to make yourself more attractive? Do you feel attractive today?"
Sex has become the the lens within our western culture that we've chosen to see humanity through, therefore due to the ubiquity of cultural influence, we find ourselves using it within a similar vein. It's almost impossible not to.
So that's two issues at stake here, one rooted in emotions fueled by blatant, childlike ignorance and the other fueled by circumstance / setting.
-------------------------
There is little respect from outside sources this day and age relative to simply being a man, and one could argue this is well deserved due to men's penchant to abuse, neglect, strongarming both women, children, and other men in order to please themselves. But too, due to our present day global "knowledge economy", the specific attributes of being men - physical attributes in particular - do not automatically appoint us to serve as the breadwinner / protector / fighter - this day and age - within our households. Instead, our vocational roles (& therefore familial roles), at least, have become equalized across the board.
Something else to consider. Biblically, men are called to serve (their wives firstly), but most men within our culture cannot identify any part of themselves on any level with scripture. Why is this?
Because the Bible is God's Word. Written word. In book form.
My how different the world of men would be had God either utilized a Netflix series to relay his plan for his created world or hired a couple of NFL teams to spell it out during a pre-game show!
Two more issues at stake. Men's masculine roles being massively infringed upon / squeezed / diluted coupled with the ignorance of men relative to their cursory understanding of God's expectations for them.
-------------------------
"Stave off every sin option!" That's what my friend would say. "Stop fertilizing that particular row of your mental garden. Cut off that route." You get the picture. And it makes sense, but there's that root problem that's not being addressed. The one that points back to the title of this post. And I hate asking this question because it's so hard to admit to needing to be answered.
-------------------------
When I was a boy (only child), a good neighborhood friend (also an only child) would have me over to his house much more often than me returning the favor likewise. In looking back, this was because I much more enjoyed time over there than time at my own home (w/ my friend in tow). And this was rooted in what I saw / experienced of his household and how vastly different it was than my own.
My friend's father was, by today's standards, a dirty, old man. He was the antithesis of what I was used to seeing within my boyhood world. The man actually looked dirty, if you know what I mean. His skin was leathery and tan with a few murky green tattoos scattered about. He drank whiskey and told dirty jokes. And he was always sitting in his recliner over in the corner of their small den flipping through channels on their CRT TV as furniture.
But the most interesting thing about this man was his willingness to dialogue with us boys. Not about school or toys, Boy Scouting (my friend and I were in the same cub scout troop) or church, but women and wine, sex and all things profane. It was shocking at first to be around this, but so different than another friend's dad who simply laid silently on their couch all the time corpse-like. The man was motionless whilst staring at the TV, never once acknowledging our presence as we traversed silently to and fro through their small den.
By today's standards / expectations, my friend's dad (if he were still living) would represent the ultimate politically incorrect caricature of a man, but I would argue, also by today's standards, that my memory of him embodies the perpetual anchoring of truth, relative to true manhood, from the angle of who we all would like on some level to grow up to be. And this I believe was true despite his crustiness and unrefined influence. I mean, you certainly had to work to see through that perimeter, but from there, he was simply to be respected. Plus, he had a wonderful sense of humor and was genuinely a fun-loving older man. Below is a photo of the mid '80s 4Runner. He had one of these (it was navy blue with a black top) with a Dukes of Hazzard horn.
-------------------------
1. If you're going to love and love well, you must firstly love yourself as the man God created you to be. And that internal love is rooted in respect (for yourself). 2. Despite our culture's choosing to elevate sexuality as its language / rating system for life in general, we're absolutely not wise to follow suit, but as men, especially Christian men, we should be moreso enlightened to why this is effectively so (& its affecting role on us) more than anyone else. And from there, I would argue, peace settles in, and we're sort of "in on the childishness of it all" if you know what I mean.
3. Now, when it comes to my third point, it's simply the reality we live in. Some guys experience a lot of background feedback from this equalization paradigm, but overall, the key, in my experience, is always tied to who exactly you're working / living with in this vein and how you're treated in turn / given an opportunity to treat / serve in return. Specific ingredients make the recipe either soar or fall flat.
4. And finally, here we are back at the beginning relative to acknowledging an understanding of God's word and how it can be applied to our lives today as Christians.
As an aside, my Silas and I meet weekly and we're embarking this year on taking some time to study specifics on certain Biblical men including:
- Moses
- Joshua
- Job
- David
- Daniel
- Paul
- Barnabas
I'm tasked with coming up with five questions that will be used to analyze each well.
Lagniappe
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Friendly Friend To A "Super Silas"
Being a Silas to another man within Samson Society requires patience and stamina. I recently used the analogy of serving a pro golfer as his caddy. Hence, you're at his disposable all during the game, whether you're listening or simply walking alongside praying silently that he'll stay the course.
When I first took on this role beside another Samson man back in 2014, I immediately felt the weight of emotional responsibility bearing down on my shoulders. Having only served one other friend (pre-Samson Society) within this capacity, I at least didn't consider myself a complete novice. But, that being said, it was still very hard. And what a commitment! To answer my cellphone irregardless of how I felt at the time, to listen to my friend talk about whatever as I attempted to draw out his feelings / learn as much as I could along the way, all before ending with prayer.
In many ways, it's not unlike having an unexpected man-date two or three times a week. And these weeks can add up to months, sometimes years.
Now, keep in mind that not every Silas relationship worked as I've previously described here. Some were always always face to face dialogues, whether over breakfast, lunch, or coffee, therefore the rhythm of communication was different. It just depended on the Samson man, taking into consideration his preference. Again, it harkens back to that caddy analogy. You serve the man you're committed to by answering the phone, responding to the text message, and showing up on cue in order for the other man to not be alone.
-------------------------
And this that I've described so far is a tough truth that most Samson men deduce fairly quickly relative to how the Silas portion of The Path actually works. Hence, some men's trepidation to commit to such a role. From there, you end up (within the Samson Society community) with what I'll dub "Super Silases", and these are men who seem to take on the aforementioned Silas responsibilities with aplomb, thusly - inevitably - formally connecting with a plethora of other men as the years rock on. "S-U-P-E-R S-I-L-A-S!"
And I'm fortunate to be one of those men, and it is really cool to say that because each time I've been approached to serve within the Silas capacity, I've been further humbled as a Christian and as a friend.
-------------------------
But for Samson men who're not necessarily hardwired to serve as a Silas, they're like the golfers who're solely focused on their game. And golfers, as we all know, are all about their game. And I get that.
-------------------------
In closing, I've been serving as a Silas as of late to a man in Florida. I was referred by Nate Larkin to this man after Nate spoke at his church in Orlando. This man is currently and throughout 2019 involved in a Christian's men ministry dubbed "Conquer", therefore he's seen a lot of sanctification occur through that ministry alone.
Of all the stories I've heard whilst serving as a Silas, none have come close to my new friend's story. In fact, even after walking closely with him now for a number of months, I sometimes still cannot believe what's he shared with me relative to his sin travails - over the course of his decades-long married life. All and all though, taking into account everything I've said here, I can say wholeheartedly that it is amazing to see God work within men's lives. To witness redemption up close and personal, as I've seen, is tantamount to being part and parcel to miracles.
But, on occasion, despite the commitment (again, detailed at length above) as another man's Silas, there's an element of obvious appreciation and connection that can sometimes develop, and this involves the golfer stopping short of stepping back up onto his pedestal despite it being his rightful place. And that's where I'm at today with my Florida friend, and it's a gift, taking into consideration the zenith of wreckage his story represents, within my own journey, alongside many as their Silas.
As of today, I have to admit that I have less and less tolerance for listening to men. And this makes me wonder as to whether God is tamping down on the supposed "Super Silas" that I once felt I was. Perhaps back then it was the massive trauma from 2013, which has long since been healed, that relegated me to having the needed compassion, or maybe I'm just as arrogant, pigheaded, and impatient as I ever was. I'm inclined today to believe it's likely the latter. Who's to say these truth-be-told attributes aren't being exacerbated by the fact that I'm simply less inclined to be tolerant of my own frustration(s) with other men due to my present-day comfort inside of this particular Christian community of men?
When I first took on this role beside another Samson man back in 2014, I immediately felt the weight of emotional responsibility bearing down on my shoulders. Having only served one other friend (pre-Samson Society) within this capacity, I at least didn't consider myself a complete novice. But, that being said, it was still very hard. And what a commitment! To answer my cellphone irregardless of how I felt at the time, to listen to my friend talk about whatever as I attempted to draw out his feelings / learn as much as I could along the way, all before ending with prayer.
In many ways, it's not unlike having an unexpected man-date two or three times a week. And these weeks can add up to months, sometimes years.
Now, keep in mind that not every Silas relationship worked as I've previously described here. Some were always always face to face dialogues, whether over breakfast, lunch, or coffee, therefore the rhythm of communication was different. It just depended on the Samson man, taking into consideration his preference. Again, it harkens back to that caddy analogy. You serve the man you're committed to by answering the phone, responding to the text message, and showing up on cue in order for the other man to not be alone.
-------------------------
And this that I've described so far is a tough truth that most Samson men deduce fairly quickly relative to how the Silas portion of The Path actually works. Hence, some men's trepidation to commit to such a role. From there, you end up (within the Samson Society community) with what I'll dub "Super Silases", and these are men who seem to take on the aforementioned Silas responsibilities with aplomb, thusly - inevitably - formally connecting with a plethora of other men as the years rock on. "S-U-P-E-R S-I-L-A-S!"
And I'm fortunate to be one of those men, and it is really cool to say that because each time I've been approached to serve within the Silas capacity, I've been further humbled as a Christian and as a friend.
-------------------------
But for Samson men who're not necessarily hardwired to serve as a Silas, they're like the golfers who're solely focused on their game. And golfers, as we all know, are all about their game. And I get that.
-------------------------
In closing, I've been serving as a Silas as of late to a man in Florida. I was referred by Nate Larkin to this man after Nate spoke at his church in Orlando. This man is currently and throughout 2019 involved in a Christian's men ministry dubbed "Conquer", therefore he's seen a lot of sanctification occur through that ministry alone.
Of all the stories I've heard whilst serving as a Silas, none have come close to my new friend's story. In fact, even after walking closely with him now for a number of months, I sometimes still cannot believe what's he shared with me relative to his sin travails - over the course of his decades-long married life. All and all though, taking into account everything I've said here, I can say wholeheartedly that it is amazing to see God work within men's lives. To witness redemption up close and personal, as I've seen, is tantamount to being part and parcel to miracles.
But, on occasion, despite the commitment (again, detailed at length above) as another man's Silas, there's an element of obvious appreciation and connection that can sometimes develop, and this involves the golfer stopping short of stepping back up onto his pedestal despite it being his rightful place. And that's where I'm at today with my Florida friend, and it's a gift, taking into consideration the zenith of wreckage his story represents, within my own journey, alongside many as their Silas.
As of today, I have to admit that I have less and less tolerance for listening to men. And this makes me wonder as to whether God is tamping down on the supposed "Super Silas" that I once felt I was. Perhaps back then it was the massive trauma from 2013, which has long since been healed, that relegated me to having the needed compassion, or maybe I'm just as arrogant, pigheaded, and impatient as I ever was. I'm inclined today to believe it's likely the latter. Who's to say these truth-be-told attributes aren't being exacerbated by the fact that I'm simply less inclined to be tolerant of my own frustration(s) with other men due to my present-day comfort inside of this particular Christian community of men?
Friday, January 10, 2020
Thursday, January 9, 2020
Sunday, January 5, 2020
Philippians 2:4
Our family took a short vacation over the past few days up to Yazoo county. My wife's deceased uncle left his 4 children a spectacular farmhouse there that we're privileged to gain access to on occasion. It sits on 60 pastoral acres, and the terrain there is quite un-Mississippi like (hilly). To sum it up, the hardwood trees are spectacular and the 3 ponds bucolic. We absolutely love spending time there, stealing away (pro bono) from the city.
Not long after Angie and I were married 23 years ago, this same uncle hosted Thanksgiving at his home in Yazoo City (the county seat of Yazoo county). I remember driving up with my wife's family and her brother to spend Thanksgiving lunch with everyone there. Their home (now sold off) sat on the country club golf course and the layout was very much unlike what I expected to see ('70s modern). This was the only time I recall Thanksgiving being hosted at this venue.
After a couple of three hours of familial investing around the dinner table, we departed for Jackson. Our time there had been delightful. My wife's family was so welcoming and engaging. I was thrilled to have had the opportunity to take part, therefore even today, as I'm coming off of our mini-vacation, I'm nostalgic relative to that day decades prior.
-------------------------
One of the first attributes of my in-laws that I was made aware of as their son-in-law was their refined palettes. It was obvious from the getgo that meals for them were especially savored, whether they were served at their home or eaten out. This was not what I'd ever witnessed prior within my own home. The Turners didn't take the time to savor food. There were too many other things to move on to after breakfast / lunch / dinner, if you know what I mean. And honestly, I believe my in-laws sensed that, and thought less of me for it (which whilst looking back, I can understand).
As we were backing out of the driveway from the aforementioned Thanksgiving meal in Yazoo City, I remember distinctly that the food critiquing was kicked off by my brother in-law. From there, I was in awe as I listened to everyone precisely adjudicate the meal we'd just partaken of as one would critique a film / play at the local movie house / theater. I had no idea just how outmatched / out of my league I truly was, therefore I just sat there with a big grin on my face.
-------------------------
My mother is what I'm going to dub here as an amateur interior decorator / gardener, and her feng shui is hyper-focused on popular trends. In fact, the trendier, the better. One of her favorite pastimes is touring other people's homes / gardens in order to critique and steal ideas for her own home / garden. As an only child (boy), I was always interested in hanging out with friends in order to counteract the inherent singular boredom. My mom, on occasion, would strongly hint that hanging out at other kids' abodes would be doing her a favor in light of the work that entailed having to tidy up her masterpiece after us "hoodlums". I share that here as an example of just how invested she was / is in her home. It is and always has been truly spectacular.
-------------------------
There is great wisdom in looking closely at one's surroundings in order to understand to the best of your biased ability who you are in context to those around you, but to also do this with other people's feelings / spiritual value in mind is truly an extraordinary feat.
In order to do so, one must have humility overlayed with care and concern. And those traits are not of man's flesh. Not at all. Hence, the mandate of the transformational gospel must come into play.
One thing, I have found, that helps though is being cognizant of your own brokenness (sin nature) and exactly how crippling it truly is / has been. Being able to name it, explain it, quantify it - so to speak - puts your outlook at an advantage here and hopefully will guardrail you from ALSO dragging others under as well (when you do choose to give into your rebellious nature).
But, I have to admit, it's finding that balance that's such a challenge for me. I can be so critical whilst tapping into my observational / critiquing skills, never once taking into consideration how my adjudication might be received. And the opposite too can occur. Years ago, I took it upon myself to compliment another Samson man's courageous approach to an outdoor endeavor we both chose to take part in one Summer afternoon, and from there, due exclusively to my approach, I put our friendship over the edge.
It is very hard for me to know exactly how to execute the wisdom of this verse day to day. Nevertheless, I do believe the best approach is a cautionary one mated to that age-old reminder (for me and everyone else) that I'm truly the most fucked up of all. May God grant me the wisdom to live out Philippians 2:4 to his glory within 2020!
Not long after Angie and I were married 23 years ago, this same uncle hosted Thanksgiving at his home in Yazoo City (the county seat of Yazoo county). I remember driving up with my wife's family and her brother to spend Thanksgiving lunch with everyone there. Their home (now sold off) sat on the country club golf course and the layout was very much unlike what I expected to see ('70s modern). This was the only time I recall Thanksgiving being hosted at this venue.
After a couple of three hours of familial investing around the dinner table, we departed for Jackson. Our time there had been delightful. My wife's family was so welcoming and engaging. I was thrilled to have had the opportunity to take part, therefore even today, as I'm coming off of our mini-vacation, I'm nostalgic relative to that day decades prior.
-------------------------
One of the first attributes of my in-laws that I was made aware of as their son-in-law was their refined palettes. It was obvious from the getgo that meals for them were especially savored, whether they were served at their home or eaten out. This was not what I'd ever witnessed prior within my own home. The Turners didn't take the time to savor food. There were too many other things to move on to after breakfast / lunch / dinner, if you know what I mean. And honestly, I believe my in-laws sensed that, and thought less of me for it (which whilst looking back, I can understand).
As we were backing out of the driveway from the aforementioned Thanksgiving meal in Yazoo City, I remember distinctly that the food critiquing was kicked off by my brother in-law. From there, I was in awe as I listened to everyone precisely adjudicate the meal we'd just partaken of as one would critique a film / play at the local movie house / theater. I had no idea just how outmatched / out of my league I truly was, therefore I just sat there with a big grin on my face.
-------------------------
My mother is what I'm going to dub here as an amateur interior decorator / gardener, and her feng shui is hyper-focused on popular trends. In fact, the trendier, the better. One of her favorite pastimes is touring other people's homes / gardens in order to critique and steal ideas for her own home / garden. As an only child (boy), I was always interested in hanging out with friends in order to counteract the inherent singular boredom. My mom, on occasion, would strongly hint that hanging out at other kids' abodes would be doing her a favor in light of the work that entailed having to tidy up her masterpiece after us "hoodlums". I share that here as an example of just how invested she was / is in her home. It is and always has been truly spectacular.
-------------------------
There is great wisdom in looking closely at one's surroundings in order to understand to the best of your biased ability who you are in context to those around you, but to also do this with other people's feelings / spiritual value in mind is truly an extraordinary feat.
In order to do so, one must have humility overlayed with care and concern. And those traits are not of man's flesh. Not at all. Hence, the mandate of the transformational gospel must come into play.
One thing, I have found, that helps though is being cognizant of your own brokenness (sin nature) and exactly how crippling it truly is / has been. Being able to name it, explain it, quantify it - so to speak - puts your outlook at an advantage here and hopefully will guardrail you from ALSO dragging others under as well (when you do choose to give into your rebellious nature).
But, I have to admit, it's finding that balance that's such a challenge for me. I can be so critical whilst tapping into my observational / critiquing skills, never once taking into consideration how my adjudication might be received. And the opposite too can occur. Years ago, I took it upon myself to compliment another Samson man's courageous approach to an outdoor endeavor we both chose to take part in one Summer afternoon, and from there, due exclusively to my approach, I put our friendship over the edge.
It is very hard for me to know exactly how to execute the wisdom of this verse day to day. Nevertheless, I do believe the best approach is a cautionary one mated to that age-old reminder (for me and everyone else) that I'm truly the most fucked up of all. May God grant me the wisdom to live out Philippians 2:4 to his glory within 2020!
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Emotional Achilles' Heel
I believe every man is wise to work to identify his emotional Achilles' Heel.
Not an emotion itself, but circumstantially (in general terms), what might very well bring about emotional trauma.
I realize we cannot forecast how vulnerable our hearts are situation to situation. It's impossible to know exactly what emotional fallout (if any) will occur 'till we experience it, but we can, again in general terms, look to our needs to identify our potential weaknesses.
For me, it all points back to what I discussed within a former blog post which focused on mentoring.
Not an emotion itself, but circumstantially (in general terms), what might very well bring about emotional trauma.
I realize we cannot forecast how vulnerable our hearts are situation to situation. It's impossible to know exactly what emotional fallout (if any) will occur 'till we experience it, but we can, again in general terms, look to our needs to identify our potential weaknesses.
For me, it all points back to what I discussed within a former blog post which focused on mentoring.
Libido
The Bible addresses an awful lot of practical items, and libido is one of those (just barely).
The apostle Paul mentions it in his writings as a qualifier for marrying versus staying single. Of course we all know that marriage's primary identifier is a consensual, monogamous sex life which takes the work and the risk out of managing one's libido.
So what exactly is libido?
-------------------------
One of the smartest men I know shared with me that despite the fact that he was homeschooled (by his pastor parents) prior to pursuing his engineering degree from a very reputable public university, masturbation was never looped into the curriculum. Therefore, not unlike the majority of us, he was also just as much left in the dark as we were (within adolescence) as to what to make of our sexual desires.
I mean, if you can't talk openly about libido at your home school...you know there's a problem / disconnect in discussing sexuality period.
I can remember so vividly hearing Dr. James Dobson address adolescent libido to his audience of conservative Christian (mostly women) by regurgitating the mantra he divulged to his son, Ryan. And that was, "...try not to masturbate too much, son."
Wow. Really, Dr. Dobson? That's it?
The apostle Paul mentions it in his writings as a qualifier for marrying versus staying single. Of course we all know that marriage's primary identifier is a consensual, monogamous sex life which takes the work and the risk out of managing one's libido.
So what exactly is libido?
-------------------------
One of the smartest men I know shared with me that despite the fact that he was homeschooled (by his pastor parents) prior to pursuing his engineering degree from a very reputable public university, masturbation was never looped into the curriculum. Therefore, not unlike the majority of us, he was also just as much left in the dark as we were (within adolescence) as to what to make of our sexual desires.
I mean, if you can't talk openly about libido at your home school...you know there's a problem / disconnect in discussing sexuality period.
I can remember so vividly hearing Dr. James Dobson address adolescent libido to his audience of conservative Christian (mostly women) by regurgitating the mantra he divulged to his son, Ryan. And that was, "...try not to masturbate too much, son."
Wow. Really, Dr. Dobson? That's it?
Monday, December 30, 2019
A 16 Year Old's Endorsement Is a Noteworthy Endorsement (posted with her permission)
Caroline Turner
Mrs. Christian
English 1113/A1
12 December 2019
One of my family’s special Christmas traditions is reading The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. Every year my dad gathers us around the fire and begins reading us the classic story. The story follows the six Herdman children as they accidentally get mixed up in a church Christmas pageant. They were known as the meanest kids the town had ever seen. After a change of heart, the Herdmans learn the true meaning of Christmas and pull off a successful pageant. The story means a lot to me because it made the Christmas story make sense. It emphasizes how real and sacred Jesus’ birth really was. The true meaning of Christmas is not the presents or the tree but the Saviour that was born in Bethlehem.
Since I was a little girl, I have probably heard the Christmas story a thousand times. They teach the kids about it in Sunday school the same way every year. The story had always gone in one ear and out the other for me. I cared more about the presents and the pretty decorations. I knew the Christmas story was true, but I did not believe it fully in my heart. It was not until my dad introduced me to The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.
“It’s finally here!”, I screamed. My sister and I jumped around the house excitedly. It was Christmas Eve and we knew we would be opening up our presents after a short night's sleep. I sat below the tree and stared up into the twinkling lights and shiny ornaments. I could not wait any longer. “Caroline? Anna? Come sit down in the living room.” my dad called. I jumped up and ran to take my seat. I knew that we would finish The Best Christmas Pageant Ever tonight. The last chapter was always read on Christmas Eve. There are only seven chapters in the book, so my dad would space them out evenly throughout the month of December. Once silence fell over the room, my dad began reading.
I stared intensely at my dad as he read. I tried to follow his eyes on the pages of the book. The book is full of funny jokes and humor. My family and I would break out in laughter at every joke. As we approached the end of the chapter, my dad’s reading began to slow down. The last chapter of the book took him on an emotional rollercoaster. As he read, his eyes began to get watery and his lips started to quiver. He began to choke but finally spit out the last line, “Hey! Unto you a child is born!” That is when it hit me. My whole life I had been missing what Christmas is all about. Jesus’ birth was not all smiley and rainbows like most people think. Jesus was born on a cold winter’s night in a stable. They did not have warm blankets or even a bed for Jesus to sleep in. Jesus is what Christmas is all about. The gifts, food, and decorations are important, but cannot compare to the birth of my Saviour.
After my dad finished reading, he asked, “What was your favorite part of the book Caroline?” I took a few seconds to think and then replied, “When the Herdmans finally realize that Christmas is not what they had thought. That it is much more than it seems.” My family and I sat around the living room in awe of the story. “The story hits a little harder every year.”, my mom said. I agreed, “I never knew how surreal the birth of Jesus was. Now I see it from a different point of view.”
I went to bed that night wide awake. I stared into my dark room while my head spun. I could not stop thinking about the Herdman’s story. Everything I knew about the Christmas story was wrong. Seeing it from a different perspective opened up my eyes. “It must have been awful. Jesus and his family had nothing. I mean his bed was literally a feeding trough!” I could not believe it. I almost felt sorry for them. I laid in bed with a hundred thoughts running through my head. I felt inspired and thankful for what Jesus has done for me. The Christmas story had hit me straight in the heart. I would forever be changed.
Mrs. Christian
English 1113/A1
12 December 2019
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
One of my family’s special Christmas traditions is reading The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. Every year my dad gathers us around the fire and begins reading us the classic story. The story follows the six Herdman children as they accidentally get mixed up in a church Christmas pageant. They were known as the meanest kids the town had ever seen. After a change of heart, the Herdmans learn the true meaning of Christmas and pull off a successful pageant. The story means a lot to me because it made the Christmas story make sense. It emphasizes how real and sacred Jesus’ birth really was. The true meaning of Christmas is not the presents or the tree but the Saviour that was born in Bethlehem.
Since I was a little girl, I have probably heard the Christmas story a thousand times. They teach the kids about it in Sunday school the same way every year. The story had always gone in one ear and out the other for me. I cared more about the presents and the pretty decorations. I knew the Christmas story was true, but I did not believe it fully in my heart. It was not until my dad introduced me to The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.
“It’s finally here!”, I screamed. My sister and I jumped around the house excitedly. It was Christmas Eve and we knew we would be opening up our presents after a short night's sleep. I sat below the tree and stared up into the twinkling lights and shiny ornaments. I could not wait any longer. “Caroline? Anna? Come sit down in the living room.” my dad called. I jumped up and ran to take my seat. I knew that we would finish The Best Christmas Pageant Ever tonight. The last chapter was always read on Christmas Eve. There are only seven chapters in the book, so my dad would space them out evenly throughout the month of December. Once silence fell over the room, my dad began reading.
I stared intensely at my dad as he read. I tried to follow his eyes on the pages of the book. The book is full of funny jokes and humor. My family and I would break out in laughter at every joke. As we approached the end of the chapter, my dad’s reading began to slow down. The last chapter of the book took him on an emotional rollercoaster. As he read, his eyes began to get watery and his lips started to quiver. He began to choke but finally spit out the last line, “Hey! Unto you a child is born!” That is when it hit me. My whole life I had been missing what Christmas is all about. Jesus’ birth was not all smiley and rainbows like most people think. Jesus was born on a cold winter’s night in a stable. They did not have warm blankets or even a bed for Jesus to sleep in. Jesus is what Christmas is all about. The gifts, food, and decorations are important, but cannot compare to the birth of my Saviour.
After my dad finished reading, he asked, “What was your favorite part of the book Caroline?” I took a few seconds to think and then replied, “When the Herdmans finally realize that Christmas is not what they had thought. That it is much more than it seems.” My family and I sat around the living room in awe of the story. “The story hits a little harder every year.”, my mom said. I agreed, “I never knew how surreal the birth of Jesus was. Now I see it from a different point of view.”
I went to bed that night wide awake. I stared into my dark room while my head spun. I could not stop thinking about the Herdman’s story. Everything I knew about the Christmas story was wrong. Seeing it from a different perspective opened up my eyes. “It must have been awful. Jesus and his family had nothing. I mean his bed was literally a feeding trough!” I could not believe it. I almost felt sorry for them. I laid in bed with a hundred thoughts running through my head. I felt inspired and thankful for what Jesus has done for me. The Christmas story had hit me straight in the heart. I would forever be changed.
Sunday, December 29, 2019
Godly inconvenience
- My car needs new brake pads and rotors. They're so degraded that I can no longer safely drive the vehicle, therefore it's parked 'till I can have the maintenance work accomplished at some point in January.
- Our van had major HVAC repair work executed a few months ago, and now it's broken once more. The system is behaving just as erratically as it did prior.
- Due to us now only having two (drivable) automobiles to transport our family of 5 around in, we chose to only take one this AM to church. Upon our return, we discovered that dad (me) had only brought the car key itself versus the entire key chain. Hence, there was no way to unlock the door under the garage and get back into the house. From there, we had to telephone my 'rents and coordinate rendezvousing with them to obtain a spare key. My father thought we were idiots for getting ourselves into this situation.
- Last night, I dreamt about an architect that I worked for right out of college. For almost a decade, he was the most respected (by me) professional within my life despite his hands off approach, passivity, and general professional aloofness (towards me and every other man who worked for him). Weirdly, in my dream, he was the complete opposite of the man I remember. Upbeat, genuinely compassionate / supportive and harboring a very positive outlook. I actually felt encouraged once I awoke until I realized just how potentially life changing my professional life would have been had this man been more like the dream architect I experienced.
- A week prior to today, we'd invited friends over to dine with us tonight, having not seen them in some time. As of yesterday, this afternoon's weather was forecasted to be severe, therefore I called our friends, and we rescheduled. Considering the more recent forecast for today (right now), it's diminished in severity considerably, but the rescheduling has already occurred.
-------------------------
Convenience is a systematic word. It refers to chronology which has its root in logic. Logic is how we as human beings rationalize our worlds.
God is sovereign over our lives as Christians. As adopted sons, he's interested in only one thing: our faithfulness to him exclusively. God measures our faith by peering into our hearts.
-------------------------
I like being physically strong. The last few years of my architecture schooling at Mississippi State afforded me the opportunity to be colleagues with a brute of a young man who exemplified the term "musclehead" to me (& most everyone else) back there in 1995. This Floridian wasn't arrogant about his build, but nonetheless, you can bet no one gave him any shit either.
Our final fall semester juries were in Starkville at the Architecture building, therefore since our 5th year studio was in Jackson, we had to haul our work back to campus (+/-2 hours away). The design group I was in had focused its attention on working with sheetmetal and concrete, and I'd decided to construct a sizable (4'-0" x 4'-0") cross section of my work. Needless to say, this specimen was very heavy. Unrealistically heavy, now that I think more on it. And had it not been for the strength of my fellow student, it never would have made it back into the architecture school mothership (loaded and unloaded into the back of a UHaul truck). Thanks again Judd!
In order to develop physical strength, one must inconvenience your muscles with resistance. By forcing them to work despite the resistance you apply to them, the muscle tissue develops tiny tears via exertion. These tears, over time, heal, and when they do, the muscle tissue increases in strength (& scale) for future use. Now this sounds all well and good, but it really, really hurts. Plus, if you don't know how to execute proper form, you can injure yourself due to the movements you're making whilst under physical duress.
-------------------------
If you truly consider the glory of being an adopted son of God, taking into account the transformative work that goes on therein; doing this whilst superimposing your covenant circumstances on both this culture of ours as well as the microculture that you yourself / me were / was reared within, there's good reason to rejoice in God's faithfulness to each of his own.
But...
In a world of unfathomable convenience and customization, we're spoiled. Deceived really, into believing God, just like everything else, should follow our logic. Especially regarding pain (all of which seems unnecessary).
-------------------------
There's no amount of momentum or reflex needed to ever rekindle or retrofit my faith in God relative to where he's healed me from 6 years ago. And yes, after my firing, it did feel as if I'd been lured into a trap. A trap that crushed my heart and sent me spinning traumatically out of control. Oh, how many times did I ask, "Why is this happening to me?"
I believe I'll always see it as my life's greatest inconvenience that ultimately landed me in a prison of pain. A prison that I wasn't completely released from 'till 18 months into the future.
Therefore, despite my pleas with God during my emotional incarceration for my own children to never suffer (in their futures) as I was then, today I would welcome seeing them experience said rescue as I did (obviously necessitating their own pain prison).
In closing, this is why I attempt to model - as the father - a good attitude despite Murphy's Law within our family. But in all truthfulness, attitude can only hold so much water for me personally. It's ruminating on where I once was that bolsters my faith. What I was feeling - to what extent - and why. That's my jumping off point for measuring the domination of God and his continual restoration of me.
- Our van had major HVAC repair work executed a few months ago, and now it's broken once more. The system is behaving just as erratically as it did prior.
- Due to us now only having two (drivable) automobiles to transport our family of 5 around in, we chose to only take one this AM to church. Upon our return, we discovered that dad (me) had only brought the car key itself versus the entire key chain. Hence, there was no way to unlock the door under the garage and get back into the house. From there, we had to telephone my 'rents and coordinate rendezvousing with them to obtain a spare key. My father thought we were idiots for getting ourselves into this situation.
- Last night, I dreamt about an architect that I worked for right out of college. For almost a decade, he was the most respected (by me) professional within my life despite his hands off approach, passivity, and general professional aloofness (towards me and every other man who worked for him). Weirdly, in my dream, he was the complete opposite of the man I remember. Upbeat, genuinely compassionate / supportive and harboring a very positive outlook. I actually felt encouraged once I awoke until I realized just how potentially life changing my professional life would have been had this man been more like the dream architect I experienced.
- A week prior to today, we'd invited friends over to dine with us tonight, having not seen them in some time. As of yesterday, this afternoon's weather was forecasted to be severe, therefore I called our friends, and we rescheduled. Considering the more recent forecast for today (right now), it's diminished in severity considerably, but the rescheduling has already occurred.
-------------------------
Convenience is a systematic word. It refers to chronology which has its root in logic. Logic is how we as human beings rationalize our worlds.
God is sovereign over our lives as Christians. As adopted sons, he's interested in only one thing: our faithfulness to him exclusively. God measures our faith by peering into our hearts.
-------------------------
I like being physically strong. The last few years of my architecture schooling at Mississippi State afforded me the opportunity to be colleagues with a brute of a young man who exemplified the term "musclehead" to me (& most everyone else) back there in 1995. This Floridian wasn't arrogant about his build, but nonetheless, you can bet no one gave him any shit either.
Our final fall semester juries were in Starkville at the Architecture building, therefore since our 5th year studio was in Jackson, we had to haul our work back to campus (+/-2 hours away). The design group I was in had focused its attention on working with sheetmetal and concrete, and I'd decided to construct a sizable (4'-0" x 4'-0") cross section of my work. Needless to say, this specimen was very heavy. Unrealistically heavy, now that I think more on it. And had it not been for the strength of my fellow student, it never would have made it back into the architecture school mothership (loaded and unloaded into the back of a UHaul truck). Thanks again Judd!
In order to develop physical strength, one must inconvenience your muscles with resistance. By forcing them to work despite the resistance you apply to them, the muscle tissue develops tiny tears via exertion. These tears, over time, heal, and when they do, the muscle tissue increases in strength (& scale) for future use. Now this sounds all well and good, but it really, really hurts. Plus, if you don't know how to execute proper form, you can injure yourself due to the movements you're making whilst under physical duress.
-------------------------
If you truly consider the glory of being an adopted son of God, taking into account the transformative work that goes on therein; doing this whilst superimposing your covenant circumstances on both this culture of ours as well as the microculture that you yourself / me were / was reared within, there's good reason to rejoice in God's faithfulness to each of his own.
But...
In a world of unfathomable convenience and customization, we're spoiled. Deceived really, into believing God, just like everything else, should follow our logic. Especially regarding pain (all of which seems unnecessary).
-------------------------
There's no amount of momentum or reflex needed to ever rekindle or retrofit my faith in God relative to where he's healed me from 6 years ago. And yes, after my firing, it did feel as if I'd been lured into a trap. A trap that crushed my heart and sent me spinning traumatically out of control. Oh, how many times did I ask, "Why is this happening to me?"
I believe I'll always see it as my life's greatest inconvenience that ultimately landed me in a prison of pain. A prison that I wasn't completely released from 'till 18 months into the future.
Therefore, despite my pleas with God during my emotional incarceration for my own children to never suffer (in their futures) as I was then, today I would welcome seeing them experience said rescue as I did (obviously necessitating their own pain prison).
In closing, this is why I attempt to model - as the father - a good attitude despite Murphy's Law within our family. But in all truthfulness, attitude can only hold so much water for me personally. It's ruminating on where I once was that bolsters my faith. What I was feeling - to what extent - and why. That's my jumping off point for measuring the domination of God and his continual restoration of me.
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