I was privileged to attend a professional college (at a state university) which (after 5 grueling years) ushered me a professional degree. That degree, in order to fully take advantage of it, required that I be dubbed an intern for a certain time period prior to me being eligible to take a 9-part licensing exam. That internship lasted +/-4 years, and during my schooling, it was referred to often as the opportunity for "real world experience" to be melded into my education.
I did pass the licensing exam, therefore I suppose the collegiate academia combined with my internship worked as it was designed to.
In tandem with the start of my internship, also not long after I graduated from college, I became involved in a regional, parachurch men's ministry. The premise of the ministry was to minister to "young business men with leadership traits" (this was actually integrated into the ministry's name). Well, I was young (mid to early 20s), and I did work for a business. But, there was also a leadership expectation there which didn't fit the young Rob in the least. I was officially an intern during this time, and goshdarnit, I certainly felt as such. Hence, I was hungry for some leading.
This parachurch ministry organized weekly small group Bible studies, paring up men in groups to meet wherever they saw fit. I ended up in a group of 4, lead by the coolest Christian man I'd ever known and since ever known (by far). He was incredibly laid back and knowledgeable of Scripture. Plus, he was just cool. Very, very cool.
Months went by as we met weekly to study God's word. We grew close together as friends as our commitment to our time together grew. It was more fun (& enriching) than I'd ever had at 6:30 AM!
Eventually, I gathered up the nerve after the close of one of our study times to ask our fearless, carefree leader (who was +/-5 years my senior) if we might take the group in a more personal direction. If we might share our "testimonies" (that's '90s-speak for personal stories).
In response to my inquiry, our leader turned to me, handed me his copy of our "meeting book", and said, "If that's the direction you'd like to take this group, you go right ahead, but leave me out of it."
From there, he turned and walked out of my buddy's apartment. I never spoke to him again after that. And as you might imagine, our group soon fell apart. None of us younger men had the leadership skillset needed to keep it going. He essentially was the light that we were all drawn to, week after week.
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Throughout my college career, despite the fact that the faculty within the professional school I attended were licensed pros, I never once saw any viable mentor (outside of an academic). Now, keep in mind that for me, Christianity played a huge role in who I chose to look up to. But, that being said, I wasn't necessarily looking for a saint. Just a man who attested to believe in Scripture's inerrancy and ultimately in his life being monumentally more than an accident / opportunity to consistently seek out happiness / self-pleasure.
The biggest blow to my pursuit for a mentor came professionally. I simply couldn't separate my desire to find a Christian mentor from my career because I had invested so much time and effort in it for all those years prior. Again, I was simply looking for someone who knew my story and who was willing to share their own. The majority of those in my profession (at that time) were men. At one point, I worked for 4 distinct male shareholders, and spent an awful lot of time with one or two in particular. Though by my 8 or 9th year there, I'd lost hope in seeing my desire to be mentored come to fruition.
So, what is a mentor? What exactly was I looking for?
An older Christian man that I could relate to (on some level), and this relation had to occur by each of us being willing to share our (or at least a portion of) own stories. This man would offer encouragement simply by making himself vulnerable to me. Ideally, this man would make himself available to me in order for me to experience his investing in Rob. And perhaps the end result would be him establishing a horizontal friendship with me outright. How awesome that would have been!
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Men who've been mentored by other men are in the same category as men who have 3 testicles or who've fathered more than 10 children. (Perhaps those are one and the same men actually). It's rare indeed.
Why is this so?
Because if you never experience mentorship that's healthy, fulfilling, you'll likely never be qualified / enlightened to reciprocate the favor to a younger man due to the fact that quality mentorship brings about heart change. Heart change is a big deal. And it's that change that motivates / levels up a man to minister / mentor other men.
If you consider African elephants and the behavior of the males amongst the herd, the key indicator that you'll have an orderly, healthy, functioning group - particularly if you have a number of younger males present - is tantamount to the herd having some older bull elephants present. If you poach that older male(s), the younger males will oftentimes create disorder amongst the herd, and of course, disorder can spell disaster for a herd trying to survive on the African tundra.
So what do we do? How do we solve this miserable problem of there simply being no available mentors?
My approach has been to glean from sources what I can, always on the lookout for more opportunities to be mentored, even if it's in very small, episodic doses. This may seem unrealistic, whereas throwing one's hands up in the air and decreeing surrender seems warranted, but I've found that by doing this, it puts you in a better position to someday grow a third testicle.
And that's what you want to achieve ultimately. There's something some kind of special that comes about from mentoring a younger man. It is an honor and privilege to do so because that process serves to cancel out the backwash of misery that comes from attempting to do life (as a young man) on your own. And oh man, was I ever miserable.
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