"...& besides, men don't send each other letters."

The first time I became acutely aware that I was living in a state that was less than appreciated (national reputation) was my junior year in high school.  My two best friends were both one year older than me, and both made a point to use their college career as an opportunity to exit Mississippi.  One went to Colorado for her undergraduate degree and the other went to Tennessee, and neither ever returned permanently.  In fact, one of the two's parents eventually moved away despite the fact that they were well into their middle years.  I remember feeling like a leper for not buying into their higher education exit strategies from the standpoint of the obvious implied rejection by non-association.  I had no desire to leave Mississippi.  In fact, the notion of attending college (in state) over 2 hours away from my home (by car) amounted to plenty 'nough geographic separation for Rob from his home.

So what makes Mississippians distinct?  People that live here are generous.  It's their defining attribute.  If you were to meld every Mississippian together to create one individual and stack him up against his melded counterparts from his 49 united cohorts, none would be more generous than he.  Now, there would be savvier melded states, more intelligent, more creative, more refined, more ambitious and so forth, but none more generous than Mississippi.  And of course, generosity is in no way revered culturally.  On the other hand, Mississippi is brimming with deadbeats and the marginalized, and these are mainly men whose outlook is short-term.  All of this combined can make for a weird assemblage that looks on the surface to many as either unworkable / unsustainable for the long-term.  Hence, our tendency to eek / freak out newcomers.

Neither of my high school friends were generous individuals and the 'rents of the one who also moved out of Mississippi were cut from the same cloth as their daughter, therefore it's understandable that they would want out.  I get that now, but back then, it hurt to be disparaged for being at peace with my home.  That being said, I do not hold in disregard anyone who looks down on our state.  There is much here that demands an acquired taste.

To me, generosity is no more noteworthy than any other attribute from the standpoint of being a cultural identifier.  It takes all kinds to make up the great US of A, but know this, living amongst people who overall hold generosity up, does make for a sweet existence.  It's really nice to be cared for and to be treated well overall as you go about the inevitable mundane routine of life.

We have friends who just recently saw their oldest son and daughter in-law return to Mississippi from living out of state for +/-5 years.  Having been reared here, their experiencing the absence of this spirit of generousness within another place caused regret to set in, therefore they've since returned.  They're not sure how they'll make it work vocationally, but they're proud to be back home.

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Years ago, I had the privilege of meeting a new neighbor who took the initiative to thank me for some volunteer work I'd signed up for in our 'hood.  He was a bachelor, we were both in our early 30s, and he made no qualms about loving his somewhat new home here in Mississippi despite the fact that he was a Texan by birth.

This was a first for me, meeting a transplant who adored the Magnolia state.  This guy actually would take vacation / weekend road trips on his own throughout various regions of Mississippi.  I can remember him showing me various photo albums he'd created containing snapshots of iconic Mississippi buildings and so forth, many of which I'd had the privilege of knowing of throughout my life due to my heritage.

So here we were.  A new friendship.  I was excited!  Especially considering his admiration for my home state.

But then I decided to send him a very personal letter...

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I can still remember my follow up telephone call after sending my correspondence.  His words (some of which make up the title to this post) stung.

Essentially, I had disclosed too much, too fast about my story, therefore in lieu of me wanting to "efficiently" mature the friendship forward, he felt lambasted instead, therefore he immediately rejected me outright on the grounds that spending any further time with Rob would "make him too uncomfortable".  Ouch.

I don't think I'll ever forget the emotional fallout from that short-lived friendship, but one thing positive that I did learn from it was to never discount my own platonic needs.  There had been plenty of friendships up to that point that were not unlike the ones I had in high school with my none too generous friends.  These friendships were characterized as being surface, shallow.  They were built on routine or circumstance.  A shared Sunday School class or work setting, etc.  I'd grown tired of those for they offered me nothing except an opportunity to be annoyed at my own pretending to have my life put together expertly.

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I have emotional needs that I want met via my friendships with other men (& so do you).  Samson Society offers a wellspring of guys who I've found are willing to work towards meeting those needs.  I've told people before, and I'll say it again, that Samson Society tends to attract some of the most generous guys you'll likely ever meet.  They tend to look for opportunities to care for their brothers in Christ as they also in tandem look out for their best interests.

Is it perfect?  Of course not.  Is there sometimes disappointment?  Yep.  But, it's not a two-man group.  There's scale here for those inevitable relational imperfections, and even if you choose to communicate with a paper and pen (like I tend to do), you'll likely find your place eventually.  Thanks be to God for Samson Society.

The Miserable Truth about Mentorship / Growing a third testicle

I was privileged to attend a professional college (at a state university) which (after 5 grueling years) ushered me a professional degree.  That degree, in order to fully take advantage of it, required that I be dubbed an intern for a certain time period prior to me being eligible to take a 9-part licensing exam.  That internship lasted +/-4 years, and during my schooling, it was referred to often as the opportunity for "real world experience" to be melded into my education.

I did pass the licensing exam, therefore I suppose the collegiate academia combined with my internship worked as it was designed to.

In tandem with the start of my internship, also not long after I graduated from college, I became involved in a regional, parachurch men's ministry.  The premise of the ministry was to minister to "young business men with leadership traits" (this was actually integrated into the ministry's name).  Well, I was young (mid to early 20s), and I did work for a business.  But, there was also a leadership expectation there which didn't fit the young Rob in the least.  I was officially an intern during this time, and goshdarnit, I certainly felt as such.  Hence, I was hungry for some leading.

This parachurch ministry organized weekly small group Bible studies, paring up men in groups to meet wherever they saw fit.  I ended up in a group of 4, lead by the coolest Christian man I'd ever known and since ever known (by far).  He was incredibly laid back and knowledgeable of Scripture.  Plus, he was just cool.  Very, very cool.

Months went by as we met weekly to study God's word.  We grew close together as friends as our commitment to our time together grew.  It was more fun (& enriching) than I'd ever had at 6:30 AM!

Eventually, I gathered up the nerve after the close of one of our study times to ask our fearless, carefree leader (who was +/-5 years my senior) if we might take the group in a more personal direction.  If we might share our "testimonies" (that's '90s-speak for personal stories).

In response to my inquiry, our leader turned to me, handed me his copy of our "meeting book", and said, "If that's the direction you'd like to take this group, you go right ahead, but leave me out of it."

From there, he turned and walked out of my buddy's apartment.  I never spoke to him again after that.  And as you might imagine, our group soon fell apart.  None of us younger men had the leadership skillset needed to keep it going.  He essentially was the light that we were all drawn to, week after week.

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Throughout my college career, despite the fact that the faculty within the professional school I attended were licensed pros, I never once saw any viable mentor (outside of an academic).  Now, keep in mind that for me, Christianity played a huge role in who I chose to look up to.  But, that being said, I wasn't necessarily looking for a saint.  Just a man who attested to believe in Scripture's inerrancy and ultimately in his life being monumentally more than an accident / opportunity to consistently seek out happiness / self-pleasure.

The biggest blow to my pursuit for a mentor came professionally.  I simply couldn't separate my desire to find a Christian mentor from my career because I had invested so much time and effort in it for all those years prior.  Again, I was simply looking for someone who knew my story and who was willing to share their own.  The majority of those in my profession (at that time) were men.  At one point, I worked for 4 distinct male shareholders, and spent an awful lot of time with one or two in particular.  Though by my 8 or 9th year there, I'd lost hope in seeing my desire to be mentored come to fruition.

So, what is a mentor?  What exactly was I looking for?

An older Christian man that I could relate to (on some level), and this relation had to occur by each of us being willing to share our (or at least a portion of) own stories.  This man would offer encouragement simply by making himself vulnerable to me.  Ideally, this man would make himself available to me in order for me to experience his investing in Rob.  And perhaps the end result would be him establishing a horizontal friendship with me outright.  How awesome that would have been!

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Men who've been mentored by other men are in the same category as men who have 3 testicles or who've fathered more than 10 children.  (Perhaps those are one and the same men actually).  It's rare indeed.

Why is this so?

Because if you never experience mentorship that's healthy, fulfilling, you'll likely never be qualified / enlightened to reciprocate the favor to a younger man due to the fact that quality mentorship brings about heart change.  Heart change is a big deal.  And it's that change that motivates / levels up a man to minister / mentor other men.

If you consider African elephants and the behavior of the males amongst the herd, the key indicator that you'll have an orderly, healthy, functioning group - particularly if you have a number of younger males present - is tantamount to the herd having some older bull elephants present.  If you poach that older male(s), the younger males will oftentimes create disorder amongst the herd, and of course, disorder can spell disaster for a herd trying to survive on the African tundra.

So what do we do?  How do we solve this miserable problem of there simply being no available mentors?

My approach has been to glean from sources what I can, always on the lookout for more opportunities to be mentored, even if it's in very small, episodic doses.  This may seem unrealistic, whereas throwing one's hands up in the air and decreeing surrender seems warranted, but I've found that by doing this, it puts you in a better position to someday grow a third testicle.

And that's what you want to achieve ultimately.  There's something some kind of special that comes about from mentoring a younger man.  It is an honor and privilege to do so because that process serves to cancel out the backwash of misery that comes from attempting to do life (as a young man) on your own.  And oh man, was I ever miserable.

U: Talks too much in class

Throughout my early elementary school years, I always, on every report card I received, earned an "Unsatisfactory" for "Talks too much in class.

As an only child, I learned early on that in order to gain the attention I craved from those around me (other children or adults), I could simply talk incessantly at them, forcing them to pay heed to my words.  It didn't take long before I ran out of things to communicate, therefore I then began to simply make it up as I went along.  Lying, I knew was wrong; it even felt wrong, but I absolutely did not want to shut up.  Therefore, I literally made up whatever farcical tales I could in order to keep my motor mouth in gear.

Eventually, around 5th grade, I came home to my mother in tears, having plastered scripture verses related to lying all over my bedroom.  She demanded that I re-think my approach to garnering attention.  And I did.  Her concern forced me to re-think the unequivocally unstable foundation I was choosing to build my persona upon.

Now, there's chatty and there's talking incessantly.  Two distinct descriptors there with the latter being what I was as a boy.  I mean literally my jawbone would ache at the end of the day.

My wife on the other hand, as a girl (& even throughout high school as a young lady) was the complete opposite.  No amount of torture on planet Earth could persuade Angie to speak.  Ever.  To her every word was precious, therefore her mantra was "Why dialogue when you could simply smile instead?"  (She didn't actually say this of course, but she did think it...often.)

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Many years ago, I became fast friends with a man in south MS through my position as a staff architect with the state of MS.  He and I were close to the same age, I had a couple of small children, and he and his second wife were expecting their first.  Donnie (not his real name) eventually suffered tremendous tragedy through the loss of this expentant child immediately following her birth.  In response to this, I did what I could despite our long-distance friendship to minister to him during this difficult season.

One weekday afternoon, I made my way unannounced to his office to check in with him.  It was right after lunch, and he happened to be in.  From there, I sat in his office and listened for over 4 hours, many of his words spoken through tears.  I remember being so absorbed by his words that I don't even think I stepped out to pee.  He recanted the birth, burial, his wife's reaction, and on and on.  It was a completely appropriate diatribe that I felt honored to partake in.

I remember sleeping like a baby that night yet feeling overwhelmingly spent over the next few days as I lead bureaucratic planning meetings.  I was satisfied in choosing to visit with Donnie as I did, now carrying with me some of the sadness he had brought for me to bear.

Over time, my south MS friend and I grew distant as I moved on from that position with the state of MS.  He and his wife did eventually get pregnant again and went on to have 2 (or possibly more) healthy children.  I will always cherish my memories of his friendship.

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People tell me (sometimes) that I'm a good listener.  But, to be honest, I'm not nearly as gracious as I should be with my ears.  A few months back, a prospective Samson Society attendee met me for breakfast, and after an hour of listening to his story, I simply cut him off, telling him in so many words that if he was going to join in the fun of Samson, he was going to have to throttle back on the verbiage.

Needless to say, he never showed up for a meeting.

What I need to remember is I started out as a boy in that place where talking was all I knew how to do, and despite the fact that I'm beyond that strategy for relating to other members of the human race, it doesn't mean I'm now qualified to look down on those who either haven't or chosen not to.

Talk is cheap, yes, but there are times when it's all a man seems to have.  Remember that Rob.  Otherwise you just come across as arrogant.

"It is my goal to be the fittest man in the room." [Enamored by one's own awesomeness]

Pride is what God hates most.  It makes a man unusable to Him.  Pride / arrogance can grow out of man's need for respect if he allows his identity to be shaped intrinsically by what he excels at / what ranks him higher up the scale than his peers.

A few years ago, I met an Italian man who was close to my age who was originally from Iowa, at the time living in Birmingham, Alabama by way of Houston, Texas.  Of course, his name was Anthony (as all Italian men are).

He and I became fast friends because he was desperate for a friend (literally).  We had lunch one day here in Jackson, and he asked me the following question, "How do you make friends?".

I'd never been asked this before, and boy, was I intrigued at where this particular query originated from.

Anthony eventually moved back to Houston, Texas after a short stint here in the deep South.  He's unfortunately been out of my life for some time now.

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Many of you who read my writings here know some or all of my story.  Suffice to say, I typically utilize a handful of small, everyday objects as visual aids whilst sharing Rob's tale.  One of those objects, as of late, is a broken (shattered) hand mirror.  That broken mirror represents "The Void" as I've dubbed it, which is what I see when I look back at myself in order to compare who I am within the company of other men.

I argue that most men have a mirror that's not broken as mine is, therefore they're quite capable of taking stock of their own self, and this mirror is what men use as they learn to respect themselves either outside of or within some semblance of male community depending on their circumstances.

Sans a working mirror, men like myself can spend way too much time fixated on other men.  Again, for those of you who know my story, you likely can see where this can lead.  But too, the reverse can happen when a man becomes fixated on his own reflection.

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A hand mirror is a helpful tool for a man, but it's certainly not meant to be used more often than not.  Otherwise, that's when pride can begin to set in.

Anthony eventually shared most of his story with me.  The gist of it had to do with him being reared in rural Iowa within a poor family as an overweight kid.  He was keenly aware of his body fat because of his mirror.  In fact, like many overweight children, (if I remember correctly), he would "camouflage" his build by wearing coats all the time.  In college, he dropped the weight prior to taking a long, hard look in his mirror, and man, did he ever like what he'd become!

When I met Anthony, he was enduring military style exercise routines most days (in his basement), and he weighed himself immediately following.  These routines he followed online, or he'd purchase DVDs that he would screen over and over again.  This same routine had been going on for years and years.  He didn't like gyms as he couldn't as easily follow his "Muscle Insanity" (or whatever it was called) routine nearly as easily, therefore instead, he'd isolate himself in his basement night after night after night.

Needless to say, Anthony didn't look like your typical Deep South man.  Not at all.  As anyone who's from here knows, most middle-aged men from the South don't look their best in their underwear.  Anthony, it was obvious to me, would have looked fantastic in nothing but his underwear.  He was just that fit.  Minimal body fat, olive skin, ripped, refined, chiseled.  He was all of that, and he knew it.  How his early 40s body endured the endless 24-hour cycle abuse he'd put it through, I'll never know.

I challenged Anthony repeatedly to throw out his bathroom scale, but he wouldn't do it.  I told him to throttle back on the exercise regimens, but he'd simply respond by saying he'd consider doing so a month or so into the future.

Anthony loved his reflection too much to ever consider any of this.

One day, he disclosed to me that his goal was to always be the "fittest man in the room".

Why?

To command respect of the inner Anthony.  The one who likely still sees an overweight, jacket-weighing boy.

It was like a battle was ongoing within my Italian friend, and what to him felt like justifiable victory, was only fueling pride as he spent more and more time trying to outrun his past self versus making some semblance of peace with it.

When Anthony asked me that question during our lunch, "How do you make friends?, I couldn't help but mention Samson Society.  I remember explaining to him how it had impacted my life tremendously.  He even agreed to attend a Samson meeting with me if it happened to work with his travel schedule.

Unfortunately, it never did.

Eventually too, I shared my story with Anthony, and it didn't faze him.

It wasn't all that long ago that men like Anthony didn't exist, but today, I see it more and more.  I remember reading The Adonis Complex many years ago and being intrigued.

In closing, and in an attempt to circle back to my original statement on pride, I took a serious blow to my pride in 2013 due to a unexpected job loss.  The position fit me well on the surface, but personally / spiritually, it proved to be a nightmare.  Despite my skillset / credentials being well utilized, no amount of professional mobility could override the intense shame I was experiencing internally.  That shame was rooted in personal struggles which extended as far back as puberty, and it only continued to grow more and more sizable with each passing month within that weirdly unresolvable setting.  I was one year into my tenure there when it all came to abrupt end.  I've touched on that part of my story here.  What I learned from that experience is that I would never have obtained the faith I have today had it not been borne out of my healing from that particular trauma.  Losing that job, at least in as far as how it was handled (between me and my superiors), felt as if I'd been raped and subsequently impregnated with a massive sense of worthlessness.  That experience resulted in PTSD taking root, which I dealt with for +/-18 months.  I've never walked through anything more debilitating.  Therefore, I celebrate each day that I can look back and thank God for healing my mind of such damage, knowing full well that I will be forever indebted to him for that miracle.  Many men never fully recover their hearts from such trauma.

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Beware of staring too long into your mirror (if you're lucky enough to have one that's unbroken), and if you're the kind of guy who has a problem with this, simply force yourself to put it down in order to replace it with a Bible.  I recommend starting with the book of James (Jesus' brother).

It's A Woman's World! [But I'm not a woman.] Thank God for Nate Larkin!

Women are drawn to all manner of things that provide feelings of security.  Men are drawn to all manner of things that provide feelings of respect.  These two truths are determinants for so much in our world today.  They represent the why of how our western culture works.

Within our technologically laden, post-industrialized, free enterprise society, catering to fulfilling women's emotional need for security is the end goal of institutions, corporations, churches, etc.  They won't ever admit to this, but it's how they operate.

Years ago, a friend of mine disclosed that his wife chose a particular SUV make / model due to the inclusion of a sizable electronic touchscreen in the dash.  The screen displayed maps and had virtual buttons and so forth.  There were plenty of lesser models that were just the same size / motivated by the same engine, but it was the illusion of security that the electronics provided that sealed the deal for them.  Therefore, they gladly spent in excess of $15K more for this particular model.

I'm convinced the entire SUV craze is an end result of women's need for security.  The SUV sits higher up from the road and subsequently feels safer to her and her family due to its size / shape / design.  Today, women purchase as much or more automobiles than men, therefore the manufacturers cater to their needs firstly.  It's genius of them to do so.  If you're as interested as I was earlier this week in seeing Car & Driver's take on the 20 ugliest SUVs, click here.

At this time in history, automobiles (not taking inflation into account) are more expensive than ever due to their SUV scale and all of this integrated tech (hyper convenience / safety).  Nevertheless, consumers are not daunted to put down the necessary cash / go into debt for something that feels more and more secure, and the manufacturers + their shareholders are loving it!

Secondly, let's take a looksee at the pocket computer (cellphone).

Who exactly were these devices made for?

Originally, the mobile phone was for security.  There's no denying that.  But then came the pocket computer (iPhone) that also happened to function as a mobile phone.  Today, social media is the primary function of pocket computers.  Social media, I would argue, would not have near the global penetration if our planet were only populated with men.

There is nothing technologically that provides more effectively feelings of security than social media.  The notion of being connected to a ginormous community of algorithmically vetted individuals (of your "choosing") that's constantly contracting and expanding is the ultimate security safety net.  And this community is right at your fingertips 24/7 - 365 days a year 'till you die!

I have friends whose wives spend upwards of 9 hours a day on social media.  Now that's meeting some needs!

And lastly, there's religion or parachurch organizations.  Both operate similarly.

If women are the target audience, the organization will typically grow.  Of course, this should be one of the end goals.  Please know too that I'm not saying God isn't using some of these.  That's not my point here.  My focus here is understanding the target audience whom also happens to play a sizable role in the decision making.

Let's consider two parachurch organizations.

Back in the late '70s, Dr. James Dobson launched his radio ministry, Focus on the Family from southern California.  Dobson's ministry skyrocketed in growth across the globe as he wrote books to support his commentary on Biblical family life.  Dr. Dobson's demeanor / presentation was (& still is) the epitome of intelligent, stabilizing soothe.  That's the best way I know to describe it.  He represented the antithesis of a shock jock in every sense of the word.  Therefore, women flocked to support his work, and it became a global phenomenon - almost overnight.  It was their daily dose of personified Christian security, centered squarely at the western woman needs as well as her perceived needs of her family.

At some point in the past 10 years, Mr. Nate Larkin launched the Samson Society, a ministry for men who are looking for authentic community.  In tandem with the launch also came a book, Samson and the Pirate Monks.  Nate is intelligent and passionate about building community, but the last thing he seeks to convey to anyone through this ministry, which he started in middle Tennessee, is intelligent, stabilizing soothe.  And that's a ubiquitous truth regarding Nate.  You'll often hear him talk about how tough his marriage is as of late due to his wife's ongoing medical issues, or he'll mention how needy he truly is (begrudgingly) as it pertains to being within the company of his brothers within Samson.  Nate is usually dressed for comfort and not for appearance, with a ballcap on his head.  The podcasts that he and Aaron Porter produce are low production resulting in almost accidental-feeling diatribes.  Hence, security is absolutely not in anyway shape or form what he's expertly conveying to the masses.  Really, in many ways, it's the opposite of that entirely.  Therefore, neither Nate himself nor his ministry, the Samson Society, appeals on any level to women-folk, and I would argue that simple truth is why he's garnered the respect that he has as a leader of men.

What an unusually anamolous gift the Samson Society is to men today.  May God continue to use it to support men through relational accountability within authentic Christian community!

And the Two Shall Become One Flesh

Marriage, according to Scripture, is about melding two individuals together.  Of course, intercourse is a beautiful picture of this, but there's more to it besides what occurs within the marriage bed.

A close Samson friend of mine carries a cellphone provided to him by his employer.  This phone is his sole pocket computer, choosing to not supplement it with a personal one.  He shared with me that  he was having some issues with the cellphone, therefore he sat down with his employer's I.T. personnel for help. 

The I.T. staffer asked him why he had an app on the phone titled "Covenant Eyes" which had been given electronic permission to generate a VPN (Virtual Private Network).  He replied by telling his colleague that the app was there to serve as a sentinel program, monitoring all of his browsing activity in order to generate weekly content reports that were emailed to his wife / accountability partners.

The I.T. staffer responded by asking my friend, why would you allow that? 

Smut is consumed primarily via the World Wide Web, and arguably, the most convenient means to do so is via pocket computers because it's a battery-powered window that you can use wherever you have a cellular / WiFi connection.  Therefore, if you're looking to identify the soft underbelly of a man's smut conduits, his pocket computer is it.

So, back to my friend's colleague's question, why would you allow that?

For the same reason (within a marriage) you put a joint checking account in place rather than having individual ones.  For the same reason you share a home, and a bed, and rear children together.

Consuming smut impacts marriage.  If it's being done behind a spouse's back, I would argue the impact is amplified.

This is no different than consuming smut at home via Pay-Per-View through the cable system prior to paying the monthly bill discreetly, or hiring prostitutes to have sex with you and paying them with cash that's unaccounted for within your marriage.

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My wife is a CPA who owns her own firm which she runs out of our home.  Over the past 5 to 6 months, she's been inundated with work.  Literally, she's at it day and night, nonstop.  Therefore, considering my workload (+/-40 hours per week), I gladly do what I can at home to keep our household in order.  Thankfully, our house isn't sizable, and our daughters are old enough to help out tremendously, but there's still an awful lot of yard and house work, not to mention food prep that I must stay in front of.  This setup frustrates Angie because she feels constrained by her workload, and at times even despondent over how demanding it is.

For me, as a 46 year old husband, I'm fine with it, even taking it on as a challenge.  But, I can tell you that were I 28 and newly married, it would be a different story altogether.

Look back at the title to this blog post and notice the words "Shall Become".

This implies process.  And process takes time coupled with supernatural effort.

For my young friend to yield as he did to this process so early on in his marriage is remarkably mature, but arguably much more difficult to execute due to his youth.

Covenant Eyes is a wonderful resource for merging ones into two.  Consider using it today, and go about doing whatever you can to promote this "Shall Becoming" within your marriage.

The Business of Hustling Lust

I saw something today that took me aback.

Throughout my life, I've taken note of Pentecostal women that reside here in Mississippi.  They're easy to spot with their long, closely hemmed skirts, no cosmetics, and hair drawn up into a mound on top of their heads.  These women are part of a faith that puts a great deal of stock in women looking a certain way, therefore you'll never see them with short haircuts or slacks, much less shorts.

I recall working with a teenage girl in high school who was Pentecostal.  The uniform that we were required to wear worked for her except for the slacks.  Therefore, she simply wore a long khacki skirt.  As a teenage Pentecostal, she did wear her long, curly hair down.  And man, did she have beautiful hair!

Today, whilst sitting in McDonald's eating my yogurt parfait, I saw a clearly Pentecostal woman step outside and light up a cigarette.  She smoked it right outside the restaurant for about 3 minutes prior to coming back in.

It was surreal.  The only thing more bizarre than this would have been observing her light up a joint.

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Take a look at this video from ABC news.

Now you know why Samson Society exists.  The business of lust, thanks to digital media, is a money making machine.  There's no consideration for collateral damage whatsoever.  It's an industry built on exploiting technology and free speech rights in order to cast as wide a net as possible.

Samson Society is here to help you get untangled, once and for all.

Dirtclod War / The Air of Respect

When I was in middle school, I attended a winter youth (weekend) retreat at a local state park.  It had been organized by our church's youth ministry, and taking Mississippi's unpredictable weather into consideration, it wasn't necessarily too cold to spend some of that time out of doors.  I remember basking in the winter sunshine that Saturday afternoon with my friends.  As the clouds parted, you could see clearly through the bare tree branches all the way to the sky.  A group of 6 to 8 of us boys made our way through the woods 'till we found ourselves just far enough away from the camp buildings to do our own thing.

One of the boys within our group wasn't at all a regular attendee of youth activities.  I didn't exactly know why but in looking back, I recall that his parents were missionaries overseas, therefore he was likely only with us during this weekend due to their recent furlough.  Missionary Boy was considerably taller than the rest of us middle schoolers.  Plus, he just seemed anxious to prove himself.

From what I recall, I either helped start or solely initiated a dirtclod war by lobbing a dirtclod towards our now somewhat bisected group.  It wasn't like I had any experience with dirtclods, but nonetheless, it seemed like the thing to do at the time.

By this point, our two teams were a considerable distance apart, spread out amongst the trees / dirt mounds.  I have no idea why there were mounds of earth where we were, but as you can imagine, that was our source for clods - some of which were as big as softballs - and similarly as hard.

Looking back on this game, I'm none too surprised at my / our stupidity here, but you need to know that I'm an only child, therefore I'd had little opportunity to do stupid with other boys - at least in such a capacity to have learned from it.

Within the first five minutes of our game, out of the blue, I felt the impact of what felt like a sledgehammer up against my skull.  Immediately, I put my hand to my forehead and felt the massive goose egg rise from the surface in response.  All around me, dirtclods were continuing to fly, but all I could think about was

1.  Having to endure the remainder of the retreat with this huge knot visible on my forehead.
2.  Whether or not I would suffer permanent brain damage.
3.  Whom might be the culprit of this potentially "life-threatening" injury.

At that moment, I identified the culprit.  It was Missionary Boy.  He was whooping and hollering in delight over his success in striking me like Goliath.  From there, I looked down at the ground and recognized the dirtclod that had struck me.  Immediately I regretted initiating this stupid game.

In response to my head injury, I stormed away from the group, making my way back to the camp buildings.  Both concerns 1 and 2 now took priority over 3.  Needless to say, I felt on the surface quite the victim here, especially considering the fact that my assailant was a newcomer, but deep down, I knew I had been at no less risk by taking part.

Eventually, in disgust, I finagled a means to make a discreet exit that afternoon back to our church in Jackson, wanting only to hide my face in shame from anyone within the youth group.

That goose egg remained for a number of days, and my disdain for Missionary Boy carried through for years afterwards.

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Bringing a group of men together can elicit the risk of someone getting hurt by cross talk.  At times, it can become almost challenging in itself as posturing inevitably occurs and words fly.  And, with the right aim, words can make such an impact that men choose then inwardly to back out from the collective completely.

Samson Society meetings bring all sorts of men together.  Oftentimes, they only interact once a week in person, therefore it's vital that crosstalk not be allowed.  This rule does makes the meeting feel clinical, but without it, there's too much risk.  Too, forcing men collectively to apportion an allotted amount of time for each to speak provides order and order brings an air of respectfulness.  And respect is our end goal.

Men who come to take part in Samson Society meetings are doing so for their own good.  The format is such that there's minimal risk that someone gets hit in the head by a dirtclod.  That being said, it does still occur at times, but usually moreso during the after meeting if anywhere at all.  To some degree, it's always best to keep one's head down a little, at least 'till you've identified the inevitable Missionary Boy.

What role should the Christian church play within a man's life?

This question begs another question.  That being, why are there so many varieties of Christian churches?

Men come in all varieties, each having distinct personas and temperaments, socioeconomic backgrounds, etc.  For a Christian man to make a church his own, he must be able to find his place there, and subsequently feel as if he belongs.

So back to the original question.

What role should the Christian church play within a man's life?

Belonging syncs up precisely with community.  Therefore, the answer to the original question is centered there.  The Christian church he's a member of is a community of his own.

You might argue that beliefs should supercede community, but I would argue that beliefs don't motivate men to invest in their church.  It might get them there on Christmas and Easter to take communion, but that's an altogether different relationship.

What I'm referring to here is a weekly attender.  A man who brings himself and his family week after week.  Therefore, he's at least enduring a service every 7 days and perhaps also attending some mid-week gatherings.  In other words, he's hearing the gospel message and hopefully being provoked to commiserate his life towards it.

There are 5 Samson Society meetings in the metro Jackson area.  These are exclusive to men, and each is hosted by a Christian church.  Therefore, these churches are catering to men who look to / elevate authentic Christian community as important to them.

I think that is awesome!

I'm so proud of Jackson, MS and so thankful for these churches.

Embrace awkward / This is not a fraternity

There's likely never going to be any career building connections within Samson Society because the group of men you will find yourself rubbing shoulders with weekly aren't there to further their ambitions, nor are they there to serve their community or church through that particular venue.  It's simply not opportunistic in that regard.

Samson Society is about brokenness.  It's men who've often times been crushed by life's circumstances, therefore despite their attempts to fulfill their emotional needs through other means, they've been unsuccessful and from there, their lives have suffered.

Men coming together and admitting that they need a place to be authentic - for at least a few hours a week - results in some very nontraditional dialogue / vibes.  And within that setting, everything's kept within strictest confidence.

It may sound like a company of Christian men who are simply the outcasts of the church.  Perhaps those who simply can't seem to "fit in" within the traditional setting.

And perhaps there's some truth to that statement.

Nonetheless, every man needs to find his place.  Whether it's Samson Society, Sunday School, or Rotary Club, know that you were not created to follow Christ outside of some semblance of community.  Community that works to challenge and accept you fully - each time you walk through the door.

Twilight Sentinel / The Gifting of Stupid

Back in the late '80s, early '90s, I recall walking into a strip mall retail store after dark.  As I was stepping up to the curb, I took note of an illegally parked luxury sedan that had just been vacated by a middle-aged woman who was also walking inside.  The car was parked in the fire zone, parallel to the row after row of stores.  It was a huge sedan covered in glitzy chrome with two-tone paint (and probably a vinyl top).

But what also caught my eye was the fact that the halogen headlights were still on despite the fact that the car was now empty.  Instinctively, I paused before calling out to the driver, who now was just 10 feet or so in front of me.

"Did you realize you left your headlights on?", I asked.

She replied with a wry smile.  "They'll turn themselves off."

I was speechless.

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 Luxury is defined by being pampered.  Pampered is having someone or something proactively enact comfort / pleasure on your behalf.  Novelty is often tied to this type of pleasure.  Illusion and novelty go hand in hand.

Men know what they desire in luxury.  The luxuries of this life / culture are elevated & celebrated, marketed & easily identifiable.  So effectively in fact that their actual definition has become confused with their antecedent.  That being needs.

Automobiles need switches to turn headlights on & off.  It is a luxury to have that switch function automatically based on the degree of ambient light out of doors, but coming alongside this luxury is no doubt a loss of control or some level of disconnect between the driver and the automobile.

That disconnect, one can argue, frees up brain power / time for something else to focus on.  Even if it's just a few seconds gained, it's still a gain.  Plus, what if the driver were to forget to turn off their headlights after parking?  Perhaps a dead battery would await them upon their return.  But at the same time, what's actually lost when one turns control over to automated tech, and how much of that compromise is fueled by pursuing the status quo?  In other words, are we actually relinquishing manual control whilst also embracing stupid (stupid is a verb)?

The Bible identifies man as not unlike sheep.  Sheep are gifted in stupidity. 

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Today, almost everyone is to some degree or another disconnected more and more from face to face relations, and this is especially the result of the epidemic that is social media.  Social media is a luxury to the nth degree because it implies efficient technological connection when there's really none at all.  It's like never actually reading the Bible but instead having someone provide you endless commentary on each of the 66 books sans any direct quotes.  Depending on who the commentator(s) is, the level of entertainment can be fairly high, but again that harkens back to this being a luxury (novel) experience versus one that's hard-wired between two people.

I am so grateful to not have been reared during the rise of social media because I find that men who were have quite the difficult time seeing it for what it truly is.

Samson Society meets my need for face to face connection.  At least once a week, I can look my brothers in the eye and talk.  And there's no publicly traded company involved whatsoever.  If you're also looking for that, come join us!  Your experience there will leave you anything but speechless.

Alive to Sin, Dead to Christ / Dead to Sin, Alive to Christ!

Our culture never, ever mentions the "s" word.  That being sin.  And this is because it's instantly connotative with religion.  But, everyone within the human race knows evil exists, therefore they know there's a standard for perfection that's centered in goodness and love which opposes evil (sin).

But still, utilizing the "s" word makes it all so personal and specific, and that's what's simply too uncomfortable for most.

Sin, oftentimes, promotes comfort.  There's a self-serving there that falls perfectly in line with our culture of individuality, free enterprise, and customization of everything under the sun.  Therefore, it looks absolutely worthwhile to dabble in - at least on occasion.  So long as it's not illegal, right?

But then there's the whole notion of consequences that one must deal with after the fact.  Those being guilt, shame, mistrust.  All these things that are birthed out of the comfort of sinful behavior / thoughts.

Christians are called to not only look different in terms of their behavior but to do so in spite of the discomfort that may come henceforth.  Jesus was specific when he spoke to man's priorities as a follower, and he rounded it all off with the truth that it's man's "heart tuning" that truly matters to God.

In other words, God is pleased with men who's hearts are fully aligned towards him due to spiritual rebirth and ongoing sanctification.  Sanctification which works to regenerate man's heart towards goodness and love, thereby strengthening his God / others-centeredness all the while.

It's teaching him through faith (imbued by God) to find comfort and satisfaction in God himself, therefore sin clearly becomes something to contend with instead of something to settle into.

I would argue that most men need help once they reach this point - at whatever age they may be.  The point of contending with sin is where the real struggle lies.  Samson Society is here to help.  We're not heavy on doctrine here (we rely on the church for that).  What we are about is authentic community that's focused on contention.  That ongoing, never ending wrestling with both sin and sinful desires that no man should have to face on his own.