The first time I became acutely aware that I was living in a state that was less than appreciated (national reputation) was my junior year in high school. My two best friends were both one year older than me, and both made a point to use their college career as an opportunity to exit Mississippi. One went to Colorado for her undergraduate degree and the other went to Tennessee, and neither ever returned permanently. In fact, one of the two's parents eventually moved away despite the fact that they were well into their middle years. I remember feeling like a leper for not buying into their higher education exit strategies from the standpoint of the obvious implied rejection by non-association. I had no desire to leave Mississippi. In fact, the notion of attending college (in state) over 2 hours away from my home (by car) amounted to plenty 'nough geographic separation for Rob from his home.
So what makes Mississippians distinct? People that live here are generous. It's their defining attribute. If you were to meld every Mississippian together to create one individual and stack him up against his melded counterparts from his 49 united cohorts, none would be more generous than he. Now, there would be savvier melded states, more intelligent, more creative, more refined, more ambitious and so forth, but none more generous than Mississippi. And of course, generosity is in no way revered culturally. On the other hand, Mississippi is brimming with deadbeats and the marginalized, and these are mainly men whose outlook is short-term. All of this combined can make for a weird assemblage that looks on the surface to many as either unworkable / unsustainable for the long-term. Hence, our tendency to eek / freak out newcomers.
Neither of my high school friends were generous individuals and the 'rents of the one who also moved out of Mississippi were cut from the same cloth as their daughter, therefore it's understandable that they would want out. I get that now, but back then, it hurt to be disparaged for being at peace with my home. That being said, I do not hold in disregard anyone who looks down on our state. There is much here that demands an acquired taste.
To me, generosity is no more noteworthy than any other attribute from the standpoint of being a cultural identifier. It takes all kinds to make up the great US of A, but know this, living amongst people who overall hold generosity up, does make for a sweet existence. It's really nice to be cared for and to be treated well overall as you go about the inevitable mundane routine of life.
We have friends who just recently saw their oldest son and daughter in-law return to Mississippi from living out of state for +/-5 years. Having been reared here, their experiencing the absence of this spirit of generousness within another place caused regret to set in, therefore they've since returned. They're not sure how they'll make it work vocationally, but they're proud to be back home.
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Years ago, I had the privilege of meeting a new neighbor who took the initiative to thank me for some volunteer work I'd signed up for in our 'hood. He was a bachelor, we were both in our early 30s, and he made no qualms about loving his somewhat new home here in Mississippi despite the fact that he was a Texan by birth.
This was a first for me, meeting a transplant who adored the Magnolia state. This guy actually would take vacation / weekend road trips on his own throughout various regions of Mississippi. I can remember him showing me various photo albums he'd created containing snapshots of iconic Mississippi buildings and so forth, many of which I'd had the privilege of knowing of throughout my life due to my heritage.
So here we were. A new friendship. I was excited! Especially considering his admiration for my home state.
But then I decided to send him a very personal letter...
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I can still remember my follow up telephone call after sending my correspondence. His words (some of which make up the title to this post) stung.
Essentially, I had disclosed too much, too fast about my story, therefore in lieu of me wanting to "efficiently" mature the friendship forward, he felt lambasted instead, therefore he immediately rejected me outright on the grounds that spending any further time with Rob would "make him too uncomfortable". Ouch.
I don't think I'll ever forget the emotional fallout from that short-lived friendship, but one thing positive that I did learn from it was to never discount my own platonic needs. There had been plenty of friendships up to that point that were not unlike the ones I had in high school with my none too generous friends. These friendships were characterized as being surface, shallow. They were built on routine or circumstance. A shared Sunday School class or work setting, etc. I'd grown tired of those for they offered me nothing except an opportunity to be annoyed at my own pretending to have my life put together expertly.
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I have emotional needs that I want met via my friendships with other men (& so do you). Samson Society offers a wellspring of guys who I've found are willing to work towards meeting those needs. I've told people before, and I'll say it again, that Samson Society tends to attract some of the most generous guys you'll likely ever meet. They tend to look for opportunities to care for their brothers in Christ as they also in tandem look out for their best interests.
Is it perfect? Of course not. Is there sometimes disappointment? Yep. But, it's not a two-man group. There's scale here for those inevitable relational imperfections, and even if you choose to communicate with a paper and pen (like I tend to do), you'll likely find your place eventually. Thanks be to God for Samson Society.
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