And the Two Shall Become One Flesh

Marriage, according to Scripture, is about melding two individuals together.  Of course, intercourse is a beautiful picture of this, but there's more to it besides what occurs within the marriage bed.

A close Samson friend of mine carries a cellphone provided to him by his employer.  This phone is his sole pocket computer, choosing to not supplement it with a personal one.  He shared with me that  he was having some issues with the cellphone, therefore he sat down with his employer's I.T. personnel for help. 

The I.T. staffer asked him why he had an app on the phone titled "Covenant Eyes" which had been given electronic permission to generate a VPN (Virtual Private Network).  He replied by telling his colleague that the app was there to serve as a sentinel program, monitoring all of his browsing activity in order to generate weekly content reports that were emailed to his wife / accountability partners.

The I.T. staffer responded by asking my friend, why would you allow that? 

Smut is consumed primarily via the World Wide Web, and arguably, the most convenient means to do so is via pocket computers because it's a battery-powered window that you can use wherever you have a cellular / WiFi connection.  Therefore, if you're looking to identify the soft underbelly of a man's smut conduits, his pocket computer is it.

So, back to my friend's colleague's question, why would you allow that?

For the same reason (within a marriage) you put a joint checking account in place rather than having individual ones.  For the same reason you share a home, and a bed, and rear children together.

Consuming smut impacts marriage.  If it's being done behind a spouse's back, I would argue the impact is amplified.

This is no different than consuming smut at home via Pay-Per-View through the cable system prior to paying the monthly bill discreetly, or hiring prostitutes to have sex with you and paying them with cash that's unaccounted for within your marriage.

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My wife is a CPA who owns her own firm which she runs out of our home.  Over the past 5 to 6 months, she's been inundated with work.  Literally, she's at it day and night, nonstop.  Therefore, considering my workload (+/-40 hours per week), I gladly do what I can at home to keep our household in order.  Thankfully, our house isn't sizable, and our daughters are old enough to help out tremendously, but there's still an awful lot of yard and house work, not to mention food prep that I must stay in front of.  This setup frustrates Angie because she feels constrained by her workload, and at times even despondent over how demanding it is.

For me, as a 46 year old husband, I'm fine with it, even taking it on as a challenge.  But, I can tell you that were I 28 and newly married, it would be a different story altogether.

Look back at the title to this blog post and notice the words "Shall Become".

This implies process.  And process takes time coupled with supernatural effort.

For my young friend to yield as he did to this process so early on in his marriage is remarkably mature, but arguably much more difficult to execute due to his youth.

Covenant Eyes is a wonderful resource for merging ones into two.  Consider using it today, and go about doing whatever you can to promote this "Shall Becoming" within your marriage.

The Business of Hustling Lust

I saw something today that took me aback.

Throughout my life, I've taken note of Pentecostal women that reside here in Mississippi.  They're easy to spot with their long, closely hemmed skirts, no cosmetics, and hair drawn up into a mound on top of their heads.  These women are part of a faith that puts a great deal of stock in women looking a certain way, therefore you'll never see them with short haircuts or slacks, much less shorts.

I recall working with a teenage girl in high school who was Pentecostal.  The uniform that we were required to wear worked for her except for the slacks.  Therefore, she simply wore a long khacki skirt.  As a teenage Pentecostal, she did wear her long, curly hair down.  And man, did she have beautiful hair!

Today, whilst sitting in McDonald's eating my yogurt parfait, I saw a clearly Pentecostal woman step outside and light up a cigarette.  She smoked it right outside the restaurant for about 3 minutes prior to coming back in.

It was surreal.  The only thing more bizarre than this would have been observing her light up a joint.

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Take a look at this video from ABC news.

Now you know why Samson Society exists.  The business of lust, thanks to digital media, is a money making machine.  There's no consideration for collateral damage whatsoever.  It's an industry built on exploiting technology and free speech rights in order to cast as wide a net as possible.

Samson Society is here to help you get untangled, once and for all.

Dirtclod War / The Air of Respect

When I was in middle school, I attended a winter youth (weekend) retreat at a local state park.  It had been organized by our church's youth ministry, and taking Mississippi's unpredictable weather into consideration, it wasn't necessarily too cold to spend some of that time out of doors.  I remember basking in the winter sunshine that Saturday afternoon with my friends.  As the clouds parted, you could see clearly through the bare tree branches all the way to the sky.  A group of 6 to 8 of us boys made our way through the woods 'till we found ourselves just far enough away from the camp buildings to do our own thing.

One of the boys within our group wasn't at all a regular attendee of youth activities.  I didn't exactly know why but in looking back, I recall that his parents were missionaries overseas, therefore he was likely only with us during this weekend due to their recent furlough.  Missionary Boy was considerably taller than the rest of us middle schoolers.  Plus, he just seemed anxious to prove himself.

From what I recall, I either helped start or solely initiated a dirtclod war by lobbing a dirtclod towards our now somewhat bisected group.  It wasn't like I had any experience with dirtclods, but nonetheless, it seemed like the thing to do at the time.

By this point, our two teams were a considerable distance apart, spread out amongst the trees / dirt mounds.  I have no idea why there were mounds of earth where we were, but as you can imagine, that was our source for clods - some of which were as big as softballs - and similarly as hard.

Looking back on this game, I'm none too surprised at my / our stupidity here, but you need to know that I'm an only child, therefore I'd had little opportunity to do stupid with other boys - at least in such a capacity to have learned from it.

Within the first five minutes of our game, out of the blue, I felt the impact of what felt like a sledgehammer up against my skull.  Immediately, I put my hand to my forehead and felt the massive goose egg rise from the surface in response.  All around me, dirtclods were continuing to fly, but all I could think about was

1.  Having to endure the remainder of the retreat with this huge knot visible on my forehead.
2.  Whether or not I would suffer permanent brain damage.
3.  Whom might be the culprit of this potentially "life-threatening" injury.

At that moment, I identified the culprit.  It was Missionary Boy.  He was whooping and hollering in delight over his success in striking me like Goliath.  From there, I looked down at the ground and recognized the dirtclod that had struck me.  Immediately I regretted initiating this stupid game.

In response to my head injury, I stormed away from the group, making my way back to the camp buildings.  Both concerns 1 and 2 now took priority over 3.  Needless to say, I felt on the surface quite the victim here, especially considering the fact that my assailant was a newcomer, but deep down, I knew I had been at no less risk by taking part.

Eventually, in disgust, I finagled a means to make a discreet exit that afternoon back to our church in Jackson, wanting only to hide my face in shame from anyone within the youth group.

That goose egg remained for a number of days, and my disdain for Missionary Boy carried through for years afterwards.

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Bringing a group of men together can elicit the risk of someone getting hurt by cross talk.  At times, it can become almost challenging in itself as posturing inevitably occurs and words fly.  And, with the right aim, words can make such an impact that men choose then inwardly to back out from the collective completely.

Samson Society meetings bring all sorts of men together.  Oftentimes, they only interact once a week in person, therefore it's vital that crosstalk not be allowed.  This rule does makes the meeting feel clinical, but without it, there's too much risk.  Too, forcing men collectively to apportion an allotted amount of time for each to speak provides order and order brings an air of respectfulness.  And respect is our end goal.

Men who come to take part in Samson Society meetings are doing so for their own good.  The format is such that there's minimal risk that someone gets hit in the head by a dirtclod.  That being said, it does still occur at times, but usually moreso during the after meeting if anywhere at all.  To some degree, it's always best to keep one's head down a little, at least 'till you've identified the inevitable Missionary Boy.

What role should the Christian church play within a man's life?

This question begs another question.  That being, why are there so many varieties of Christian churches?

Men come in all varieties, each having distinct personas and temperaments, socioeconomic backgrounds, etc.  For a Christian man to make a church his own, he must be able to find his place there, and subsequently feel as if he belongs.

So back to the original question.

What role should the Christian church play within a man's life?

Belonging syncs up precisely with community.  Therefore, the answer to the original question is centered there.  The Christian church he's a member of is a community of his own.

You might argue that beliefs should supercede community, but I would argue that beliefs don't motivate men to invest in their church.  It might get them there on Christmas and Easter to take communion, but that's an altogether different relationship.

What I'm referring to here is a weekly attender.  A man who brings himself and his family week after week.  Therefore, he's at least enduring a service every 7 days and perhaps also attending some mid-week gatherings.  In other words, he's hearing the gospel message and hopefully being provoked to commiserate his life towards it.

There are 5 Samson Society meetings in the metro Jackson area.  These are exclusive to men, and each is hosted by a Christian church.  Therefore, these churches are catering to men who look to / elevate authentic Christian community as important to them.

I think that is awesome!

I'm so proud of Jackson, MS and so thankful for these churches.

Embrace awkward / This is not a fraternity

There's likely never going to be any career building connections within Samson Society because the group of men you will find yourself rubbing shoulders with weekly aren't there to further their ambitions, nor are they there to serve their community or church through that particular venue.  It's simply not opportunistic in that regard.

Samson Society is about brokenness.  It's men who've often times been crushed by life's circumstances, therefore despite their attempts to fulfill their emotional needs through other means, they've been unsuccessful and from there, their lives have suffered.

Men coming together and admitting that they need a place to be authentic - for at least a few hours a week - results in some very nontraditional dialogue / vibes.  And within that setting, everything's kept within strictest confidence.

It may sound like a company of Christian men who are simply the outcasts of the church.  Perhaps those who simply can't seem to "fit in" within the traditional setting.

And perhaps there's some truth to that statement.

Nonetheless, every man needs to find his place.  Whether it's Samson Society, Sunday School, or Rotary Club, know that you were not created to follow Christ outside of some semblance of community.  Community that works to challenge and accept you fully - each time you walk through the door.

Twilight Sentinel / The Gifting of Stupid

Back in the late '80s, early '90s, I recall walking into a strip mall retail store after dark.  As I was stepping up to the curb, I took note of an illegally parked luxury sedan that had just been vacated by a middle-aged woman who was also walking inside.  The car was parked in the fire zone, parallel to the row after row of stores.  It was a huge sedan covered in glitzy chrome with two-tone paint (and probably a vinyl top).

But what also caught my eye was the fact that the halogen headlights were still on despite the fact that the car was now empty.  Instinctively, I paused before calling out to the driver, who now was just 10 feet or so in front of me.

"Did you realize you left your headlights on?", I asked.

She replied with a wry smile.  "They'll turn themselves off."

I was speechless.

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 Luxury is defined by being pampered.  Pampered is having someone or something proactively enact comfort / pleasure on your behalf.  Novelty is often tied to this type of pleasure.  Illusion and novelty go hand in hand.

Men know what they desire in luxury.  The luxuries of this life / culture are elevated & celebrated, marketed & easily identifiable.  So effectively in fact that their actual definition has become confused with their antecedent.  That being needs.

Automobiles need switches to turn headlights on & off.  It is a luxury to have that switch function automatically based on the degree of ambient light out of doors, but coming alongside this luxury is no doubt a loss of control or some level of disconnect between the driver and the automobile.

That disconnect, one can argue, frees up brain power / time for something else to focus on.  Even if it's just a few seconds gained, it's still a gain.  Plus, what if the driver were to forget to turn off their headlights after parking?  Perhaps a dead battery would await them upon their return.  But at the same time, what's actually lost when one turns control over to automated tech, and how much of that compromise is fueled by pursuing the status quo?  In other words, are we actually relinquishing manual control whilst also embracing stupid (stupid is a verb)?

The Bible identifies man as not unlike sheep.  Sheep are gifted in stupidity. 

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Today, almost everyone is to some degree or another disconnected more and more from face to face relations, and this is especially the result of the epidemic that is social media.  Social media is a luxury to the nth degree because it implies efficient technological connection when there's really none at all.  It's like never actually reading the Bible but instead having someone provide you endless commentary on each of the 66 books sans any direct quotes.  Depending on who the commentator(s) is, the level of entertainment can be fairly high, but again that harkens back to this being a luxury (novel) experience versus one that's hard-wired between two people.

I am so grateful to not have been reared during the rise of social media because I find that men who were have quite the difficult time seeing it for what it truly is.

Samson Society meets my need for face to face connection.  At least once a week, I can look my brothers in the eye and talk.  And there's no publicly traded company involved whatsoever.  If you're also looking for that, come join us!  Your experience there will leave you anything but speechless.

Alive to Sin, Dead to Christ / Dead to Sin, Alive to Christ!

Our culture never, ever mentions the "s" word.  That being sin.  And this is because it's instantly connotative with religion.  But, everyone within the human race knows evil exists, therefore they know there's a standard for perfection that's centered in goodness and love which opposes evil (sin).

But still, utilizing the "s" word makes it all so personal and specific, and that's what's simply too uncomfortable for most.

Sin, oftentimes, promotes comfort.  There's a self-serving there that falls perfectly in line with our culture of individuality, free enterprise, and customization of everything under the sun.  Therefore, it looks absolutely worthwhile to dabble in - at least on occasion.  So long as it's not illegal, right?

But then there's the whole notion of consequences that one must deal with after the fact.  Those being guilt, shame, mistrust.  All these things that are birthed out of the comfort of sinful behavior / thoughts.

Christians are called to not only look different in terms of their behavior but to do so in spite of the discomfort that may come henceforth.  Jesus was specific when he spoke to man's priorities as a follower, and he rounded it all off with the truth that it's man's "heart tuning" that truly matters to God.

In other words, God is pleased with men who's hearts are fully aligned towards him due to spiritual rebirth and ongoing sanctification.  Sanctification which works to regenerate man's heart towards goodness and love, thereby strengthening his God / others-centeredness all the while.

It's teaching him through faith (imbued by God) to find comfort and satisfaction in God himself, therefore sin clearly becomes something to contend with instead of something to settle into.

I would argue that most men need help once they reach this point - at whatever age they may be.  The point of contending with sin is where the real struggle lies.  Samson Society is here to help.  We're not heavy on doctrine here (we rely on the church for that).  What we are about is authentic community that's focused on contention.  That ongoing, never ending wrestling with both sin and sinful desires that no man should have to face on his own.

Helpmeet

If you have the privilege of being a husband to a wife, her role in your life will no doubt either promote or work against interdependence.  A complementarian view of marriage is what I'm basing my thoughts on here with interdependence being the end goal.

If a man is drawn towards being involved in an authentic community like Samson Society, he must have a wife who's in agreement with this.  If her opinion of Samson Society ever wavers, that's going to present a problem.

Involvement in Samson Society is going to provoke change within the husband via the power of the Holy Spirit.  It's also going to force the man to face parts of himself that he'd rather not.  Undoubtedly, there'll be no way for him to do this without taking his relationship with his wife into account at present, her role in his life, their collective story, etc.

She's going to sense this provocation and from there, going to be forced to do something with it, and that doing will likely be in line with how she's operated within her husband's life in the past.

Old habits die hard.  Whether they're good or bad.

This can get especially complicated when the man's wife is not within any sort of healthy Christian community herself.  Hence, the marriage is now lopsided with one party heavily influenced by outsiders and the work they're attempting to do via the Holy Spirit's leading.

One thing I attempt to do with many of the men whom darken the door of the Lakeside Pres Samson Society is soon thereafter invite both he (if he's a husband) and his wife to our home for dinner.  I find that this can serve her well relative to hearing our story (mine & Angie's) firsthand and having an opportunity to ask any questions of us in real time.

Ultimately, our wives play an enormous role in our recovery, and yes, there are times when her lack of buy in of Samson Society should most definitively trump her husband's.  Husbands need wives to look with them at heady decisions like committing to a men's ministry such as Samson Society.

Thanks be to God for our wives!

"The Be-Back-Bus Never Comes Back"

After my freshman year of college, I had the good fortune of selling Chrysler / Plymouth automobiles at a local dealership in Jackson.  Unbelievably, this lasted for the entire summer prior to me returning to Mississippi State in the fall for my sophomore year.  I landed this job as a courtesy more than anything else due to the fact that my parents had just a few months prior purchased my 1991 Plymouth Laser there.

The New Car Sales Manager would often cite the phrase that I titled this blog post with, all the while believing there were never any second chances to make a sale.

I felt his approach wasn't best, therefore when I spoke to shoppers, I tried to remember to educate them firstly and hope that at some point in the (near) future, they might trust me enough to buy.  Too, I was an automobile aficionado which gave me plenty to draw on whilst answering questions about both the vehicles we were looking at as well as those they were likely comparing these vehicles to.  This also made for times when I knew our products simply weren't up to snuff to the competition, therefore I chose to not shy away from the truth.

Better to make a long-term connection built on trust than a short-term connection built on showmanship.  That's how I chose to sell cars.

Remember too, I was only 19 at the time, (very) nondescript, and not dependent on my sales commissions to put bread on the table to feed my family.  Therefore, laid back was not hard for Rob to be.

What I did find to my surprise was that the Be-Back-Bus did sometimes return, and usually when it did, they were sold.  These were delightful occasions because it confirmed that my approach did have merit with some, therefore it was obvious to me that I'd earned enough of the customer's trust for them to return and ask for Rob!

Each facilitator of a Metro Jackson Samson Society group is not unlike what I described my young self to be whilst selling automobiles decades ago.  Hence, they're in it for you, when you're ready to take up the mantle and lean into community.  You might wonder why there are 5 metro Jackson Samson Society groups.  The answer to that is each facilitator is distinct in his persona as well as each facility / venue.  Plus, each of us have been markedly matured by the Samson Society ministry and subsequently in turn felt lead to approach our home churches about hosting a local group.

I've also had the privilege of seeing men who've long been out of the Samson community make a decision to return.  Talk about an endorsement!  Perhaps you're one of those men who needs to reconsider walking alone within this world of woe prior to choosing to return to Samson Society.

"Your nostrils are HUGE."

This is what my wife exclaimed to me as I coddled her head in my lap on the couch decades ago.  I replied by thanking her for pointing that out to me.  There was no doubt in my mind that she was correct, though I'd never had the opportunity to observe my honker from that particular angle thereby verifying her adjudication. 

I have a Hampton nose, genetically passed down from my mom's dad.  Let's just say that it's distinct enough that I said a number of prayers during my wife's three pregnancies relative to said offspring NOT inheriting it.

But, without it, I wouldn't have the singing ability I have.  You may not realize this, but if you're prone to sing, an awful lot of that quality can be accounted for due to your nasal passages working in tandem with your mouth / throat.  To prove this point to yourself (for those of you who are vocalists), simply try singing with your nose pinched.

Despite the fact that neither of my three daughters have their father's nose, they do have 50% of my genetic material (or something like that).  Hence, I know my responsibility to them to parent in light of that fact.

What does it mean to parent a child?

I think initially you must come to grips with the fact that this is your child.  Not a sibling.  Not a pet.  A child.  Therefore, this is, whether you like it or not, your legacy on this Earth carried forward.  Secondly, I believe you must own your role in their life as so much more than guardian (food, clothing, shelter), and thirdly, you have to put yourself in their shoes to the best of your ability.  Consider their needs by doing so, in particular, their need to be emotionally pursued.  Not badgered.  Not policed.  Pursued.

What exactly does that look like?

For those of you who shudder at the notion of pursuing another human being - except within a romantic relationship - consider the Silas role within the Samson Society paradigm as a starting point.  Learning to walk closely next to a friend takes work, especially from the standpoint of being vulnerable regarding your own point of view / past mistakes.  Too, there's no instruction manual when it comes to men's hearts.  You do the best you can, remaining faithful to the friendship along the way.

What's comforting though is similar to a parent / child relationship, there's a formal structure there that you're working inside of.  A structure which is bigger than just the two of you (typically).  And that structure is stable enough for both of you to relate and listen and debate and love.

I have carried forward so many hard-to-get-a-handle-on skills from Samson Society to my own life.  You can too.  All the more reason to invest in yourself by being involved and committed to this ministry.

Escape! vs Stand your ground!

On the cusp of each new iteration of photographic entertainment - delivery, formatting, etc. is sexualized imagery.  This is so because we want it served up within a socially acceptable (normalized, convenient, customizable) delivery method in light of the fact that we know it instinctively to be wrong, and we are always enthralled with novelty (the new thang).

Lust is wrong; human beings don't go into heat like animals.  But when we lust, it offers a tantalizing escape (high) from our present circumstances - whatever those may be.  Salacious photographic entertainment is the drive thru of lust.  Acceptable and convenient.  It's an escape on steroids.

Drive-thrus are stupid (stupid is a verb) when you put some thought into what they represent for us as a people, but restaurants install them because they'll just about do anything (normalized, convenient, customizable) to fatten their wallets.  Food designed to be consumed whilst driving is socially acceptable but ridiculously contradicting to what food truly represents for us as human beings.

Escape!  Escape!  Escape!

I would argue that food from drive thrus is not unlike eating packaged animal feed.  Animals are supposed to eat what God intended for them to eat in lieu of manufactured pellets.  Humans are meant to escape and enjoy sexuality but only when it's rightly executed within the marriage bed.  As I said earlier, it's wrong to lust.  We all know these things.  It's just common sense.  We are not animals.

Ask yourself:  Are your present circumstances really so that you're willing to fall prey to normalized societal stupidity by escaping into photographic lust?  Even though you know intrinsically that it's wrong?

Would you eat some deliciously manufactured Alpo just because you're hungry, it's convenient, and it's the red-blooded male right of passage?

Firstly, look hard at what you're circumstances are if you do decide to repent, and from there, align yourself with other men who can assist you in resisting what you've always known was wrong (despite being acceptable to society) but never had the will (or desire) to walk away from.

It is very hard to adjudicate salacious photographic entertainment for what it really is, but especially so under certain individual circumstances.  Therefore, remember to give yourself a break, if need be.

May we all become nauseated at the smell of Alpo and ever suspect of those who manufacture and package it out of respect for what we know and choose to live out rightly.

Stand your ground!  Stand your ground!  Stand your ground!

You're going to be needing a Silas (whilst being willing to serve as one as well)

The most important component of Samson Society is the Silas.  This is another man whom is tasked with taking the risk to serve you with a long-term view for what may turn out to be a short-term friendship.  And that's the best definition I can come up with after having the privilege of serving a number of men along the way.

Back in early 2014, before the Lord had enlightened me to the Samson Society here in Jackson, I found myself within a local men's parachurch organization desperate for help.  My heart had been shattered into what felt like a billion pieces at that time, and I was friendless - at least in terms of authentic friends.

During a retreat that I'd attended with this ministry, I was given the opportunity to tell my story which I did in gut-wrenching detail, and from there, I was asked what I "needed" at that point in time by one of the counselors present.  Immediately, I asked for "one friend".  And what followed was utter silence.  Until one of the 30+ men spoke up and volunteered himself.  That man eventually served somewhat as a segue for me into Samson Society.

Long before that event, it was as if I had been preconditioned towards the Silas concept prior to ever hearing about it, and a large part of that had to have been because I had seen tremendous personal growth via one in particular brotherly friendship.

So, why weren't there more volunteers who spoke up on that cold, February evening when I answered the question posed - "What Rob Turner do you need right now"?

The reason is no man typically wants to go at it alone.  Asking one other man to bear the burdens / walk through some season of life exclusively is foreboding and even in concept (certainly in reality), very tough.

Therefore, in order to best manage that emotional responsibility, a Silas must be one who truly has the ability to endear himself to men in general.  Otherwise, there's going to be absolutely nothing in it for him, and of course, that's unworkable in the long run.

Men who gravitate towards Samson Society tend to be these kind of men, therefore they're well suited to take on the role of Silas.  This role which likely will require far more from them then they'll ever receive in return.