"Your nostrils are HUGE."

This is what my wife exclaimed to me as I coddled her head in my lap on the couch decades ago.  I replied by thanking her for pointing that out to me.  There was no doubt in my mind that she was correct, though I'd never had the opportunity to observe my honker from that particular angle thereby verifying her adjudication. 

I have a Hampton nose, genetically passed down from my mom's dad.  Let's just say that it's distinct enough that I said a number of prayers during my wife's three pregnancies relative to said offspring NOT inheriting it.

But, without it, I wouldn't have the singing ability I have.  You may not realize this, but if you're prone to sing, an awful lot of that quality can be accounted for due to your nasal passages working in tandem with your mouth / throat.  To prove this point to yourself (for those of you who are vocalists), simply try singing with your nose pinched.

Despite the fact that neither of my three daughters have their father's nose, they do have 50% of my genetic material (or something like that).  Hence, I know my responsibility to them to parent in light of that fact.

What does it mean to parent a child?

I think initially you must come to grips with the fact that this is your child.  Not a sibling.  Not a pet.  A child.  Therefore, this is, whether you like it or not, your legacy on this Earth carried forward.  Secondly, I believe you must own your role in their life as so much more than guardian (food, clothing, shelter), and thirdly, you have to put yourself in their shoes to the best of your ability.  Consider their needs by doing so, in particular, their need to be emotionally pursued.  Not badgered.  Not policed.  Pursued.

What exactly does that look like?

For those of you who shudder at the notion of pursuing another human being - except within a romantic relationship - consider the Silas role within the Samson Society paradigm as a starting point.  Learning to walk closely next to a friend takes work, especially from the standpoint of being vulnerable regarding your own point of view / past mistakes.  Too, there's no instruction manual when it comes to men's hearts.  You do the best you can, remaining faithful to the friendship along the way.

What's comforting though is similar to a parent / child relationship, there's a formal structure there that you're working inside of.  A structure which is bigger than just the two of you (typically).  And that structure is stable enough for both of you to relate and listen and debate and love.

I have carried forward so many hard-to-get-a-handle-on skills from Samson Society to my own life.  You can too.  All the more reason to invest in yourself by being involved and committed to this ministry.

Escape! vs Stand your ground!

On the cusp of each new iteration of photographic entertainment - delivery, formatting, etc. is sexualized imagery.  This is so because we want it served up within a socially acceptable (normalized, convenient, customizable) delivery method in light of the fact that we know it instinctively to be wrong, and we are always enthralled with novelty (the new thang).

Lust is wrong; human beings don't go into heat like animals.  But when we lust, it offers a tantalizing escape (high) from our present circumstances - whatever those may be.  Salacious photographic entertainment is the drive thru of lust.  Acceptable and convenient.  It's an escape on steroids.

Drive-thrus are stupid (stupid is a verb) when you put some thought into what they represent for us as a people, but restaurants install them because they'll just about do anything (normalized, convenient, customizable) to fatten their wallets.  Food designed to be consumed whilst driving is socially acceptable but ridiculously contradicting to what food truly represents for us as human beings.

Escape!  Escape!  Escape!

I would argue that food from drive thrus is not unlike eating packaged animal feed.  Animals are supposed to eat what God intended for them to eat in lieu of manufactured pellets.  Humans are meant to escape and enjoy sexuality but only when it's rightly executed within the marriage bed.  As I said earlier, it's wrong to lust.  We all know these things.  It's just common sense.  We are not animals.

Ask yourself:  Are your present circumstances really so that you're willing to fall prey to normalized societal stupidity by escaping into photographic lust?  Even though you know intrinsically that it's wrong?

Would you eat some deliciously manufactured Alpo just because you're hungry, it's convenient, and it's the red-blooded male right of passage?

Firstly, look hard at what you're circumstances are if you do decide to repent, and from there, align yourself with other men who can assist you in resisting what you've always known was wrong (despite being acceptable to society) but never had the will (or desire) to walk away from.

It is very hard to adjudicate salacious photographic entertainment for what it really is, but especially so under certain individual circumstances.  Therefore, remember to give yourself a break, if need be.

May we all become nauseated at the smell of Alpo and ever suspect of those who manufacture and package it out of respect for what we know and choose to live out rightly.

Stand your ground!  Stand your ground!  Stand your ground!

You're going to be needing a Silas (whilst being willing to serve as one as well)

The most important component of Samson Society is the Silas.  This is another man whom is tasked with taking the risk to serve you with a long-term view for what may turn out to be a short-term friendship.  And that's the best definition I can come up with after having the privilege of serving a number of men along the way.

Back in early 2014, before the Lord had enlightened me to the Samson Society here in Jackson, I found myself within a local men's parachurch organization desperate for help.  My heart had been shattered into what felt like a billion pieces at that time, and I was friendless - at least in terms of authentic friends.

During a retreat that I'd attended with this ministry, I was given the opportunity to tell my story which I did in gut-wrenching detail, and from there, I was asked what I "needed" at that point in time by one of the counselors present.  Immediately, I asked for "one friend".  And what followed was utter silence.  Until one of the 30+ men spoke up and volunteered himself.  That man eventually served somewhat as a segue for me into Samson Society.

Long before that event, it was as if I had been preconditioned towards the Silas concept prior to ever hearing about it, and a large part of that had to have been because I had seen tremendous personal growth via one in particular brotherly friendship.

So, why weren't there more volunteers who spoke up on that cold, February evening when I answered the question posed - "What Rob Turner do you need right now"?

The reason is no man typically wants to go at it alone.  Asking one other man to bear the burdens / walk through some season of life exclusively is foreboding and even in concept (certainly in reality), very tough.

Therefore, in order to best manage that emotional responsibility, a Silas must be one who truly has the ability to endear himself to men in general.  Otherwise, there's going to be absolutely nothing in it for him, and of course, that's unworkable in the long run.

Men who gravitate towards Samson Society tend to be these kind of men, therefore they're well suited to take on the role of Silas.  This role which likely will require far more from them then they'll ever receive in return.

"What will people think?"

Realistically speaking, they're not going to spend any length of time sizing up your situation because, like yourself, they spend 99.9% of their time consumed with themselves.

Therefore, go ahead and invest in your passions, speak up about the hard subject matters, pursue unrealistic milestones, and involve yourself with people that you'll likely never truly become completely comfortable with.

The Enemy's lie is that your value / security is somehow vested in others' opinion of you.  That's ridiculous.  Your value is in Christ through his atonement and grace, but too, your primary focus as a Christian should be on the value you place on God himself and your knowledge / faith in him.

If you must be concerned with what someone thinks of you, consider being obedient to God, and pray that everyone around will follow suit...if they do choose to notice you.

$ clip

During the era of '80s excess, a trend in men's accessories was the infamous money clip.  Oftentimes it was fabricated from heavy gauge sheet metal.  The ones I remember were brass or stainless steel.  Money clips were an unnecessary, ostentatious way to carry cash around in your pants pocket in lieu of keeping it (or all of it) in your wallet.  From there, at a point of purchase, you'd be given the opportunity to remove your money clip from your pocket, displaying those folded greenbacks to whomever was there to see, prior to paying up.

Money clips didn't function without a fairly thick wad of cash on hand.  It wasn't like you could only clip one single bill in place.  Typically, the design of the clip was such that it was really only suitable for 3/8" to 1/4" of folded currency.

Within the 2019 world we live in, we as men are no less considered worthwhile or valued by how much cash we have on hand at any given moment.  Hence, so many guys pursue monetary wealth with a vengeance, doing anything they can to earn as much as quickly as possible.  From there, they fall in line with our western culture which demands that we use a large quantity of that wealth - not to give, but to consume for ourselves as if the supply of cash will surely never run out!

Our entertainment - Internet, TV is financially underwritten by the advertisement industry.  The majority of those ads are designed to coerce us to believe in the ridiculousness that I've described above.

It's an endless loop of easy to swallow lies if you bookmark it up against Scripture, therefore it is a hugely successful distraction to men everywhere.  But especially to men who are looking to follow Christ.

So...

Keeping that money clip well stocked takes a lot of work.  Work that's futile and oftentimes reprehensible in God's eyes because it's stealing precious, finite energy away from sanctification.  Sanctification is the process that God takes men through to become more like Christ, and never, under any circumstance, has this process been achieved overnight.

Christian men should be concerned about their biggest problem:  sin, if they're being sanctified.

No, you won't receive a sin statement in the US mail each month as you do for the earnings you've received within your bank account.  In fact, you don't need one.  You're smart enough to know where you're compromising and how long it's been going on.  And of course, God knows too.

Jesus said, "Sell everything and give to the poor.  Then follow me."

In other words, prioritize your soul over everything else, prior to allowing the faith imbued within you to point the way forward.  That's the truth relative to what this life is all about.

Arrogance deterrent / Humility Safe House

If you're interested in being a part of a community of men where arrogance is hard pressed to rear its ugly head, consider Samson Society.

We're no doubt all sinners, therefore our pride won't be fully defeated 'till we meet Jesus.  Nonetheless, Samson Society serves as a powerful antibody to this particular sin.

There is no rank in Samson Society.  No hierarchy whatsoever.  There's not an appointed leader in sight, therefore what we as men typically utilize to impress or gloat with, doesn't hold water.

There are doctors, lawyers, engineers, architects, ditch diggers, pharmacists, mechanics, school teachers, etc. that take part, but none of these titles mean anything within.

Within Samson Society, you're valued and respected simply by showing up and taking part because everyone knows that doing so took effort on your part, and that effort was fueled by a need to offer / find support relative to whatever situation you might find yourself in.

Short circuiting our tendencies toward codependent friendships

Ms. Rosario Butterfield is one of my favorite people.  I heard her speak a few years back at First Presbyterian Church here in Jackson, MS.  She's articulate and doesn't shy away from topics that can be quite politically incorrect to argue for / against.

But, when you search Scripture as diligently as she has, with that research in tow, her commentary  rings true with much practicality.

My very first authentic friendship with another man - that truly began to point me towards Christ - was one that was very, very long distance.  My friend was in Australia and I was here, and we corresponded electronically for about 18 months.  His story was strikingly similar to my own, and due to the strength and encouragement our friendship gave me, I began to open up to other Christian men here in the Jackson metro.  That opened my eyes to how incredible it was to obtain authentic friendships amongst men - especially men who were already somewhat physically present (church, neighbors, work) within my life.

This truly was a jumping off point for me.

One of the local men I befriended as a result of this newfound freedom was living a particularly thorny existence.  There was all kinds of behind the scenes activity complicating things immensely within his life.  I knew this immediately as he was brave enough to be absolutely transparent with me.  But unfortunately, at that time, there was no Samson Society (at least here locally) for either of us to situate ourselves as Christian brothers within, therefore we clung to each other platonically for support.

Eventually, I unintentionally skewered the friendship as a result of my wanting to bring into our circle other men whom might also walk beside both of us together.  In other words, I took the step of disclosing some things about my friend to some of our mutual friends in hopes he would yield to my concern that we simply shouldn't be walking with this much baggage on our own.  And to be more specific, these other men were pastors, therefore they were perfectly suited to shore up our community of two - even if it was only from a distance.

Ms. Butterfield walked away from a homosexual lifestyle prior to becoming a Christian.  She's written a number of books that chronicle her journey.  No doubt her experience there gives her insight into codependency.

I have been involved in our local Samson Society ministry for close to 5 years and have befriended countless men as a result.  What gives me resolve and peace of mind more than anything else is knowing firsthand how unworkable long-term co-dependent friendships really are due to the fact that I've tried to make them work.  What I've found is men need a community of men.  Jesus gathered his disciples, and they walked together.  Yes, there were certainly his favorites who were in on some matters that others weren't, but overall, it wasn't Jesus and one or two other men - all the time.

I really, really like this model from a pragmatic standpoint, and find much peace knowing that it's scriptural.  The icing on the cake is the fact that Samson Society falls in line with that model perfectly.

Lagniappe