Justifying Spiritual Neglect (God Doesn't Really Exist)

"I have to read the passages two or three times to make sense of it." - Typical Bible reader

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We have a neighbor, a weekend dad who lives alone, who neglects his property to the point that the HOA has at times had to step in and make necessary repairs.  He's lived at the address for a number of years, but never ventures out of doors.  Therefore, his yard, fence, etc. don't really exist within his mind.

But for those of us who live adjacent, we cannot ignore the obvious as his lot becomes an overgrown mess and his fencing collapses in on itself.

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Physical, mental, spiritual, emotional.  Those are the four areas of humanity.  Each should be nurtured and tended to, and arguably, each are of equal importance.

Which of the four is elevated culturally as most important?

Physical, of course.

Conversely, which of the four is least respected / considered relevant?

Spiritual.

Some would argue that mental / emotional are the same.  I disagree.

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When I was a younger man, I did my fair share of neglecting my spiritual self.  In fact, often weeks / months would go by without me ever picking up my Bible at all.  Instead, I depended on listening to others teach Scripture to me - typically at church.  

And it showed.  

My propensity for sexual sin was rampant during this time.  Lust was my fallback for whenever I was bored / distracted in the least.  

In fact, I would go so far as to say that I loathed reading God's word.  Because...

"I have to read the passages two or three times to make sense of it." - Typical Bible reader

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And honestly, I wish I knew what changed all of that, but my assumption is it had to do with me becoming a middle age man who found himself ministering to younger men.  That, coupled with me wanting to explore Scripture as I saw other middle-aged men explore motivated me to step outside of my comfort / lazy zone - so to speak.  

What's sad is when spiritual neglect sets in, it feels absolutely okay to embrace due to a few key elements.  1) Often, the adjacent traits of humanity provide far easier "cultural returns" to oneself whilst catering to them.  2) Spiritual neglect can, at times, seem super easy to hide from everyone else.  In fact, with the proliferation of sinful behavior (especially if it's private), it can almost seem impossible to justify even trying to "make the situation right".

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The hardest part regarding all of this is I cannot control / influence my neighbor's priorities.  Despite the fact that they're right there in my face each and every day.  Sheesh.  Get a grip dude.  You're hurting everyone around you by not prioritizing your spiritual health / well-being.

Lagniappe

Packaged sin

I happened upon this SinsTV YouTube channel last week (thanks to YouTube's algorithm).  I decided to view the video I've posted here and as a result, the content has continually reverberated through my brain during the course of the weekend.

To me, this video represents a motive that's no different than the following:  Being the proprietor of a local gas station that sells gas out front, but once you're inside the building, everything from that point points toward the ginormous "Beer Cave" (walk-in booze cooler) on the back wall.

The point here is this.  What's the most effective means to hide ugly, destructive truths?  

Package it as something else entirely.

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We have a neighbor who's a graphic designer who specializes in designing packaging for restaurants.  Back in the day, restaurants used a standardized package family across the board.  These were akin to simple grocery bags that were either white or brown in color.  

Chick-Fil-A restaurant was one of the first (like McDonald's) to go all out on food packaging.  Regarding the former, the fried chicken sandwich package is an actual AL foil bag that's designed to be neatly folded on one end (or at least it was for decades and decades).  It's a brilliantly simple solution that's a joy to unfurl prior to consuming your high carb, sugar, fat, sodium fried chicken sandwich.  

McDonald's packaging is even more over the top.  Perhaps you'll recall their McDLT hamburger package. 

And I must admit, I was one of the first in line for this very average tasting yet cleverly packaged McDonald's hamburger back in the '80s.

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So what influence exactly does packaging have on us as consumers?

First impressions mean the world to us as westerners.  Hence, we work extra hard for curb appeal all around.  In line with that is our hyper reliance on what we see with our own two eyes relative to placing value on someone or something.  The Bible dismisses this MO and instead focuses on God's deftness at measuring the worth of a man via his heart.

Of course, this is where we fall flat as consumers.  For we are sheep.  And sheep are low intelligence herding animals.  Therefore, we're ripe for being deceived time and time again.

Many people believe women are more susceptible to these packaged deceptions than men.  I don't believe that's necessarily the case, but I do believe women are more emotional than we are.  And that can drive them moreso towards groupthink especially if negative feelings are involved.

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The Old Testament details Abraham obeying God's command whilst circumcising everyone within his household as a sign of God's covenant to him and his people.  This was a visual reminder of whom they were as God's children, and it served to instantly demarcate this group of elect from everyone else on planet Earth.

Fast forward to the book of Romans where the apostle Paul divulges the internal circumcision of the heart, a New Testament revelation to those sophisticates there in Rome.  This was the bypass, so to speak, that took man's eyes out of the equation.  

You cannot rely on anyone but God through his Holy Spirit to best discern where, how, and in what capacity to invest your time and energy.  By reading his Word daily, the Holy Spirit instructs, challenges and convicts, taking where you're at into consideration along the way.  And this is our only hope as Christians relative to tuning our hearts correctly - in real time - towards our Heavenly Father and his wishes for us as men.   

For our world continues to slicken its pitches and brightens its packaging using all manner of tools at its disposal.  And it does so to seemingly homogenize its intent whilst pulling us farther and farther away from righteousness.  Therefore, be on your guard.

Collaborative

Samson Society is about, at its very core, collaboration, and the inarguable proof regarding this is only truly tangible whilst attending a national retreat.  For it's there where you experience waves of collaborative synergy as men relinquish their pride amongst so many other openly broken, seeking to recover from their own humanity men.  

Collaboration involves risk.  Hence, many men refuse to step into community or even more telling, will subsequently abandon community (once enlightened as to what they've actually stepped into) when too much collaboration is asked of them.

The risk is centered on losing / relinquishing one's standalone identity.  

Identity is of critical importance to every man, but arguably much moreso by those men whose self-worth is equated to maximum personal performance.  I find that these men idolize it (identity), and from there, use it as a constant point of reference, asking themselves internal questions like...

"What protects my face the best within this situation?  How can I gain most from this experience?"

It's easy to mistake this issue with certain men's (especially Christians) tendency to skew black or white relative to their worldview.  And that's so because we'd like to believe they are somewhat compassionate overall, therefore it's surely their point of view that's more or less in control.  But, I don't believe that's it at all.  Instead, it's a self-centeredness.  Hence, a hyper-pursuit of protecting / considering the needs of oneself exclusively, prioritizes all intelligence, creativity, passion in that general direction. 

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Collaboration between men is also seen by some guys as way too womanly.  

This can also be off putting for some men and their involvement within Samson Society.  Women are known for relating well to each other within groups (whether it's true or not).  Men are not.  Hence, this can be tantamount to immediately disqualifying the notion of joining in if you happen to have a penis and testicles.  

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I want to take you back to my early days of involvement within the Metro Jackson Samson Society in order to prove my point here regarding the C word.  Back to the day when there was only one group here in the Jackson Metro.  

Overall at that point in time, we had on average 10 to 15 men involved, thanks to Mr. Don Waller's thriving counseling ministry  as well as a handful of Samson guys who were willing to invite others in.  Like many men, my introduction to the group was via Mr. Waller, and I took to it like a duck to water, though deep down, I had much internal shame fueled by massive abandonment issues that I was continually pushing against.

In light of that, I bided my time by connecting formally to numerous Samson guys within our group as a Silas, and this went on for well over one year.  And then I was reminded of the undealt with shame as it refused to no longer stay hidden.  It was at that point in time that my first Silas entered the room (group).  From there, despite previously growing thoughts of making a discreet exit from Samson, I began to open up to this new friend.  Thus, the relationship became rich and helpful to me almost overnight.

My first Silas was a Type AA personality, and this radiated continually in and through him, therefore many of the other men also gravitated towards his fervor.  Coupled with that, I was quite taken with this man, and that was centered on two things.  Firstly was the fact that he wasn't in any way shape or form a Mississippian, and secondly, he initially chose to ask me to be his Silas prior to Christmas of 2015.  God did quite a work in bringing this particular man into my life at that time, and that was primarily through his willingness to allow me to be vulnerable enough to admit to my true aforementioned heartfelt issues.  That being the ones centered on abandonment.

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As an only child, I was an easy target for getting caught up in abandonment issues.  I won't go into specifics here, but as an adult, this childhood seeded fear of abandonment truly came to a head immediately following my job loss in 2013.

The abandonment I experienced firsthand from that situation was akin to being thrown off a proverbial cliff.  So much time / energy had been invested (family relocation in particular) in taking that institutional position.  This coupled with the sincere yet naive respect that had accrued for my superiors resulted in massive emotional and pragmatic losses for myself all around.  And making matters worse, this punishment was seemingly all for private behaviors that on the surface were insipid and no doubt over reacted to.

Therefore, my Silas needed to be a giant of a man in so many respects in order for me to take the necessary risks here relative to healing.  And he was in so many ways.  Intimidating.  Hard to approach.  Opinionated.  Driven.  Self-confident.  Hard-nosed.  Devout.

I remember in particular, one evening, reaching out to him.  Having not heard from B during some lull in our regular communications, I began to despair, knowing / feeling / agonizing over my fears.  

For me, admitting to abandonment issues is akin to fessing up to being impotent.  There's a sissy mindset that's hard to overcome regarding this.  But somehow, I told him the truth.  Plus, I explained to him what I believed was the origin relative to these fears.  And, my goodness, it was monumentally helpful to have him listen well and reply in earnest that he'd no intentions of walking away.

And he didn't.  Until of course, he and I encountered a platonic crossroad, but that was expected to happen eventually.  At that point in time, we'd been collaborating for +/-2 years as Samson brothers, and I cannot underestimate how much healing had occurred.

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Do you see the beauty of collaboration between Samson men?  Can you muster the humility required to do so?  If yes and yes, then welcome, my friend, to Samson Society.  

Does The Punishment Of Hell Worry You? Does It Affect Your Point Of View Regarding Those You Care / Don't Care About?

Fornication and homosex simply don't rankle me as they once did, and I regret being able to honestly admit to that.  I distinctly remember in years past how grim these activities and their Biblical implications seemed to me, therefore my outlook relative to those who participated was vastly different than it is today.

And this sexual sin acclimation is true culturally - across the board.  We've all warmed up to or choose to discount the ultimate punishment for these sins as if Hell simply doesn't exist anymore.

So what if a Christian begins participating in these?  Is hell his ultimate fate?  And to take it a step further, what of lusting after another individual via sexual fantasies?  We know the Bible qualifies that sin as equal to physical behavior, therefore again, is hell preeminent for those individuals?  

God's people screw up.  It's documented all within God's word, and of course, we see it time and time again today.  And the stories tend to relay judgement and punishment for these sins.  This is exactly in line with how you as a parent would hopefully treat the children that you consider your own (bio or adopted).  Parents' roles are to parent.  Not coddle or cater to.

But when you see other parents' children screwing up, you feel for them, but since you have no authority over those children, you often tend to leave them be.

God does this too.  Again, take a looksee at the Old Testament.

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Middle age too really does a number on a man's perspective.  I'll be 50 in a few years.  Therefore, let me just say here, I'm so fortunate to have had this very full life.  Young men at times call me sir, and overall, young people just know that I'm "over the hill" (or close to it).  And considering that truth, what brings me the most peace is my no longer having to deal with wave after wave of that god-forsaken sexual-sin shame thanks to me no longer being in bondage to it.  

And I wonder if that's played a part in what I admitted to above.  Perhaps my own sanctification, if you will, has in a way, tuned me away from my more empathic / sympathetic point of view.  This, coupled with my gray hair (& disgusting gray nose hairs), undoubtedly has played a role.  It's hard to relate to that which you no longer don't know well.

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Now, full disclosure here.

Do know that nothing really keeps me away from Internet porn, even today, except staying absolutely not isolated whilst surfing online.  Therefore, there are those times when opportunity abounds, and I jump right back in for a few minutes.  The relinquishment of my "online - singular - freedom" occurred almost 6.5 years ago when I finally chose to wear Covenant Eyes' bridle.  Eventually too, Samson Society became a mainstay that I embraced with a thankful heart.  The community of Samson keeps one focused on what's lingering beneath those desires to participate in sexual sin.  Therefore, this two-pronged approach worked wonders for me.

I say that to prove to you that my sanctification is ongoing, and that so long as the Internet exists (and Internet-capable devices), I'm likely going to need to stand clear of surfing / walking through my life alone.  It's just too reckless an approach for me.

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If you attend a Samson Society (national) retreat, you'll see that Samson Society men tend to be, on average, around 35-40 years of age.  Not to say there aren't younger (& much older) men participating, but overall, they skew less gray and overall more hair.

And I believe this is due to the fact that as Christian men and women we're perhaps more "in tune" to the debauchery of sexual sin (regardless of whether or not we're participating in it) at younger ages (closer to our biological sexual peak / stronger libidos), which in turn convicts us to repent and reach out for help (if need be).  From there, perhaps, as middle age approaches and sexual sin may or may not become a mainstay behavior for us, the internal permissive / dismissiveness sets in. 

You'll recall the Dirty Old Man post from a few weeks back.  It's that mentality that I'm referring to here when I use that word permissiveness.

I don't want to ever be that man.  For it's his willingness to consume smut / compromise his faith that seeds the fields of opportunity for all of those who produce it.  Just as his (low) standards usher in / vaidate all manner of dilution within this world of woe.

But, I must admit, it almost feels inevitable that I lose some degree of my sharpness relative to sexual sin sensitivity.  Therefore, there's no doubt in my mind that only through God's grace can I recollect / relive my youthful days enough to have them work against the dullness of my antiquated conscious.

Keep me awake, Oh Lord.  Allow my gray nose hairs to once again olfactory that distinctive stench of hellfire and brimstone that awaits those who "do what's right within their own eyes" relative to their genitalia.

   

The Great Misunderstanding / Understanding Your Relevancy As A Christian

Despite you yourself, God is working in and through you as a Christian at all times.  He is sovereign, therefore he doesn't need anything more than your faithfulness to get his will accomplished.  And keep in mind that "your faithfulness" is a gift from God himself.

Circumstances within relationships can at times sour.  Suffering too is inevitable.  Nonetheless, as a Christian, being within these trials with whomever (spouse, friends, parents, siblings, etc.) is merited simply by definition of whose you are.

Do you grasp that today?

If so, you should never falsely accuse yourself (or listen to the Accuser himself) relative to the lie that your very presence situationally tipped the scales pejoratively within God's eyes.  That lie is a paradox in an of itself because of the Biblical truth within the first sentence of this post.

Be mindful of voices within your head that state the following:

    -  "She would no doubt be better off without me as her husband."

    -  "This company / volunteer organization would have succeeded / would succeed further had it not /         were it not for my presence here."

    -  "This friendship was doomed from the getgo due to me being one half of the whole."

    -  "My presence here caused all manner of problems and defeats."

Christians carry God's spirit within them.  We are salt and light within this world of woe.  By definition, our very presence consistently makes a righteous impact despite what we may believe of ourselves otherwise.  Focus on that truth today.

Lagniappe

Just How Internally Influential Is Your Perception of Other People's Perception, & Should Christian Men Demarcate Themselves By Said Internal Influence?

This is the worst post title.  I'm sorry for that.

So what is perception, and what is influence, and are the two interrelated?

To answer the last question, they are interrelated because both perception and influence are arbitrary.  Neither can be measured or proven despite their ubiquity, therefore by cultural definition, they're both readily available for our Enemy* to use against us.  And he especially tends to do so when we're young and naive.  From there, precedents can be set which unhealthily carry forward into manhood.

This Desiring God post needs to be read next.  Take a few minutes, and then report back.  I love Mr. Mathis' point, serving beautifully as a frame of reference here.

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I work for my father.  Now, every time I say this (whilst around him), he chimes in by saying that isn't the case.  Instead, he likes to frame my position in his company as "partner" or "independent advisor" or somesuch, but that simply isn't true.  I'm an employee of his who fortunately has an awful lot of independence relative to whom I serve as an advisor / broker.

My father has expectations for me as his employee (as does every employer), and when he's so moved, he'll remind me of those by letting me know how disappointed in me he truly is.  This is his modus operandi and has been throughout my life.  He experienced the same within his own upbringing in no thanks to his now deceased, virago mother.

And he does this mostly with some degree of subtleness (passive agressiveness), but at times, after I've ignored him outright for a lengthy period of time, he explodes on me.  

When I first came to work for him, a few of these explosive episodes indirectly involved my mother (who also works alongside us) simply due to her being within the line of fire.  And it was not pretty, based on what she described to me. 

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During my younger years, I avoided my father like the plague because I didn't know how to manage his low-grade anger and impulsive disappointment as I do today.  How I perceived being perceived by him was simply too much to bear.  I had no siblings, therefore my dad was the archetype male within my life that I saw day in and day out.  Therefore that made him super influential, whether I liked it or not.  By God's grace, I picked up on this familial toxicity early on which helped tremendously as I navigated through my young adult years.

Hence, I actively replaced my dad via fantasies, and within these (sexual) fantasies were men who did approve of me.  My imagination was my greatest ally during my childhood due to the fact that I desperately needed an older male within my life who affirmed me through and through.  It was circumstantially bittersweet for me indeed.

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As adult men, we must differentiate ourselves from our boyhood selves by really staying on top of this arbitrary concept called perception, and the negative influence it can gain over us.  And undoubtedly, as Christians, we absolutely must not become spiritless automotons who fall in line with groupthink.  Groupthink, I would argue, oftentimes originates in and through perception which in turn lays groundwork for influence.   

Therefore, in closing, who ultimately do we answer to, and what exactly is our end goal?

As Christian men, we answer to our Heavenly Father, and his end goal for us is our faithfulness (which he provides to us).  How do we gauge where we stand regarding these?  

-  Listen & observe your mature Christian peers relative to how they relate to you.  What do they say / are they saying?

-  Listen to God's spirit that lives within you.  If you need him to turn up the volume there, ask for more spirit.

-  Read Scripture and ask for conviction, insight, and wisdom.

The more you do this, the more weight will be released from your shoulders as it relates to all the other.

* No doubt God can use perception and influence for his good as well.  I recognize that, but have chosen to not approach the subject from that angle.

No Comment

An old Samson friend graced the Lakeside Pres Samson Society meeting firstly, and throughout both that meeting & after-meeting along with the next, he said very little.  Instead, his eyes were observing all that he was experiencing during those few hours on a Saturday morning within a nondescript room within a just as nondescript Lakeside Presbyterian Church.  

I look back on that and smile, loving to recall the wisdom in his approach.

Similarly, an even older Samson friend did the exact same thing, but for much longer than two consecutive meetings.  'Till one day, he finally began to open up relative to the setting he'd chosen to commit himself to week after week.

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Over the past months, I've been strength training in my garage, therefore many hours have been spent staring up at the ceiling or the floor, leaning from the garage door track or simply looking out into the street from within.  Therefore, I'm seeing, truly seeing every square meter of this space despite our tenure in this house of almost two decades.  And that's allowed me to appreciate this very flexible room that much more every week.

There's a lot of pressure right now to step into conversations, express your opinion / thoughts on everything from the pandemic, politics, race, law enforcement, symbolism and so forth.  And today, now more than ever, there are a plethora of venues for each of us to express ourselves in and through 24/7/365.  

But, if you'd rather not, do keep in mind, that's perfectly acceptable.  And I think it's important to be reminded of that here.  

Angie and I have a marriage that's built on two things:  1) Communication and 2) Compromise

Both can be tough to execute at times, but if you're a good fit temperamentally like she and I are, it eventually becomes no big deal.  Sometimes, she and I talk about that list that I mentioned above in varying degrees of detail, but not too often because we both know where each other stands on almost everything of any real importance.

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There is a time and place for simply choosing not to comment, no matter how much dialogue is going on all around you.  Not only does this approach provide you with opportunity to listen well, but it may very well keep your relational rank intact (save your hide) during this very tumultuous (& noisy) period in history.