Collaboration involves risk. Hence, many men refuse to step into community or even more telling, will subsequently abandon community (once enlightened as to what they've actually stepped into) when too much collaboration is asked of them.
The risk is centered on losing / relinquishing one's standalone identity.
Identity is of critical importance to every man, but arguably much moreso by those men whose self-worth is equated to maximum personal performance. I find that these men idolize it (identity), and from there, use it as a constant point of reference, asking themselves internal questions like...
"What protects my face the best within this situation? How can I gain most from this experience?"
It's easy to mistake this issue with certain men's (especially Christians) tendency to skew black or white relative to their worldview. And that's so because we'd like to believe they are somewhat compassionate overall, therefore it's surely their point of view that's more or less in control. But, I don't believe that's it at all. Instead, it's a self-centeredness. Hence, a hyper-pursuit of protecting / considering the needs of oneself exclusively, prioritizes all intelligence, creativity, passion in that general direction.
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Collaboration between men is also seen by some guys as way too womanly.
This can also be off putting for some men and their involvement within Samson Society. Women are known for relating well to each other within groups (whether it's true or not). Men are not. Hence, this can be tantamount to immediately disqualifying the notion of joining in if you happen to have a penis and testicles.
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I want to take you back to my early days of involvement within the Metro Jackson Samson Society in order to prove my point here regarding the C word. Back to the day when there was only one group here in the Jackson Metro.
Overall at that point in time, we had on average 10 to 15 men involved, thanks to Mr. Don Waller's thriving counseling ministry as well as a handful of Samson guys who were willing to invite others in. Like many men, my introduction to the group was via Mr. Waller, and I took to it like a duck to water, though deep down, I had much internal shame fueled by massive abandonment issues that I was continually pushing against.
In light of that, I bided my time by connecting formally to numerous Samson guys within our group as a Silas, and this went on for well over one year. And then I was reminded of the undealt with shame as it refused to no longer stay hidden. It was at that point in time that my first Silas entered the room (group). From there, despite previously growing thoughts of making a discreet exit from Samson, I began to open up to this new friend. Thus, the relationship became rich and helpful to me almost overnight.
My first Silas was a Type AA personality, and this radiated continually in and through him, therefore many of the other men also gravitated towards his fervor. Coupled with that, I was quite taken with this man, and that was centered on two things. Firstly was the fact that he wasn't in any way shape or form a Mississippian, and secondly, he initially chose to ask me to be his Silas prior to Christmas of 2015. God did quite a work in bringing this particular man into my life at that time, and that was primarily through his willingness to allow me to be vulnerable enough to admit to my true aforementioned heartfelt issues. That being the ones centered on abandonment.
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As an only child, I was an easy target for getting caught up in abandonment issues. I won't go into specifics here, but as an adult, this childhood seeded fear of abandonment truly came to a head immediately following my job loss in 2013.
The abandonment I experienced firsthand from that situation was akin to being thrown off a proverbial cliff. So much time / energy had been invested (family relocation in particular) in taking that institutional position. This coupled with the sincere yet naive respect that had accrued for my superiors resulted in massive emotional and pragmatic losses for myself all around. And making matters worse, this punishment was seemingly all for private behaviors that on the surface were insipid and no doubt over reacted to.
Therefore, my Silas needed to be a giant of a man in so many respects in order for me to take the necessary risks here relative to healing. And he was in so many ways. Intimidating. Hard to approach. Opinionated. Driven. Self-confident. Hard-nosed. Devout.
I remember in particular, one evening, reaching out to him. Having not heard from B during some lull in our regular communications, I began to despair, knowing / feeling / agonizing over my fears.
For me, admitting to abandonment issues is akin to fessing up to being impotent. There's a sissy mindset that's hard to overcome regarding this. But somehow, I told him the truth. Plus, I explained to him what I believed was the origin relative to these fears. And, my goodness, it was monumentally helpful to have him listen well and reply in earnest that he'd no intentions of walking away.
And he didn't. Until of course, he and I encountered a platonic crossroad, but that was expected to happen eventually. At that point in time, we'd been collaborating for +/-2 years as Samson brothers, and I cannot underestimate how much healing had occurred.
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Do you see the beauty of collaboration between Samson men? Can you muster the humility required to do so? If yes and yes, then welcome, my friend, to Samson Society.
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