So what is perception, and what is influence, and are the two interrelated?
To answer the last question, they are interrelated because both perception and influence are arbitrary. Neither can be measured or proven despite their ubiquity, therefore by cultural definition, they're both readily available for our Enemy* to use against us. And he especially tends to do so when we're young and naive. From there, precedents can be set which unhealthily carry forward into manhood.
This Desiring God post needs to be read next. Take a few minutes, and then report back. I love Mr. Mathis' point, serving beautifully as a frame of reference here.
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I work for my father. Now, every time I say this (whilst around him), he chimes in by saying that isn't the case. Instead, he likes to frame my position in his company as "partner" or "independent advisor" or somesuch, but that simply isn't true. I'm an employee of his who fortunately has an awful lot of independence relative to whom I serve as an advisor / broker.
My father has expectations for me as his employee (as does every employer), and when he's so moved, he'll remind me of those by letting me know how disappointed in me he truly is. This is his modus operandi and has been throughout my life. He experienced the same within his own upbringing in no thanks to his now deceased, virago mother.
And he does this mostly with some degree of subtleness (passive agressiveness), but at times, after I've ignored him outright for a lengthy period of time, he explodes on me.
When I first came to work for him, a few of these explosive episodes indirectly involved my mother (who also works alongside us) simply due to her being within the line of fire. And it was not pretty, based on what she described to me.
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During my younger years, I avoided my father like the plague because I didn't know how to manage his low-grade anger and impulsive disappointment as I do today. How I perceived being perceived by him was simply too much to bear. I had no siblings, therefore my dad was the archetype male within my life that I saw day in and day out. Therefore that made him super influential, whether I liked it or not. By God's grace, I picked up on this familial toxicity early on which helped tremendously as I navigated through my young adult years.
Hence, I actively replaced my dad via fantasies, and within these (sexual) fantasies were men who did approve of me. My imagination was my greatest ally during my childhood due to the fact that I desperately needed an older male within my life who affirmed me through and through. It was circumstantially bittersweet for me indeed.
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As adult men, we must differentiate ourselves from our boyhood selves by really staying on top of this arbitrary concept called perception, and the negative influence it can gain over us. And undoubtedly, as Christians, we absolutely must not become spiritless automotons who fall in line with groupthink. Groupthink, I would argue, oftentimes originates in and through perception which in turn lays groundwork for influence.
Therefore, in closing, who ultimately do we answer to, and what exactly is our end goal?
As Christian men, we answer to our Heavenly Father, and his end goal for us is our faithfulness (which he provides to us). How do we gauge where we stand regarding these?
- Listen & observe your mature Christian peers relative to how they relate to you. What do they say / are they saying?
- Listen to God's spirit that lives within you. If you need him to turn up the volume there, ask for more spirit.
- Read Scripture and ask for conviction, insight, and wisdom.
The more you do this, the more weight will be released from your shoulders as it relates to all the other.
* No doubt God can use perception and influence for his good as well. I recognize that, but have chosen to not approach the subject from that angle.
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