Samson Society meetings provide a safehaven for men to be heard without fear of being questioned / reprimanded / counseled. It's the one hour of the week (depending on how many meetings you attend) when you're free to have the floor for a few precious minutes, knowing what you're choosing to articulate will be heard, processed, and respectfully considered amongst the other men present sans any follow up questions / discussion whatsoever.
Outside of that setting, it's a free for all. Which is really quite scary to consider when you think about all of the opportunities there are for each of us to ask unhelpful questions of each other.
Over the past 7 days, I've met with a number of individuals who've taken upon themselves their choosing to ask Rob stupid and therefore really hurtful questions. Now, I've certainly asked my fair share of similarly stupid questions of people over the years, and they were undoubtedly legitimate questions that had popped into my brain. But, oh, how I wished I could unask them soon thereafter!
I admit, I'm a curious guy, but despite this, some questions need never be asked out of respect for the other party.
So, how to know a non-antagonistic question from one that isn't, and what to do internally whilst dealing with the fallout of being asked a stupid, hurtful question?
Regarding the former question, there's no rule of thumb here, but I will say this. Look at your own state of mind. Closely. If you're truly in a good place where you're only considering the needs of your companion over your own self, then that's a solid indicator to proceed with your inquiry. Otherwise, be very cautious and suspicious of exactly what good (if any) might actually spring forth from your question(s).
Too, don't ever ask obvious questions or questions that are impossible to answer well no matter how smart / emotionally in tune the individual is that you're curious to ask. Those should always be off limits.
Regarding the latter question, remember your own failings and be mindful of the fact (regarding repeat stupid question offenders) that certain people find much pleasure in "stirring the pot". Make of it what you will and how you might choose to respond to these, but they do live (and lead) among-st us. And yes, one of their primary toolsets are stupid, hurtful questions to get people riled up.
-------------------------
I have learned and will continue to learn so much about the importance of listening via my attendance of Samson Society meetings. That being said, I've yet to encounter a venue that reinforces how best to ask / vet quality questions, but if I find one, I'll be sure to pass it along.
Monday, September 23, 2019
Saturday, September 21, 2019
Adam & Eve Appreciation
Holy scripture starts with God creating man and woman and placing them within the garden of Eden. Jesus is cited referencing this within the gospels. Undoubtedly, he's not only privy to it as a Jew who's been educated, but as God who was present when it occurred.
Scripture gives us no indication as to how long the first husband / wife were cultivating the garden 'till the Fall, but nevertheless, enough time passed for them to suffer / know tremendous loss when the Fall did occur.
Scripture alludes to the lion and the lamb lying down together amidst the new heaven and Earth, therefore I can only assume this same pacifistic state existed within the Eden at the dawn of creation. Therefore, a lot of time was obviously spent enjoying the goodness / prosperity of this setting which in turn meant that Adam and Eve took full advantage of each other within that same vein.
-------------------------
I am an architect, and I've had the privilege of working with some amazingly talented people on some very noteworthy projects here in Mississippi.
One of the largest public buildings that I served as the lead designer on is literally just a few miles from where the Turner's reside in Rankin county. It was completed in 2002, and during the ribbon cutting ceremony (grand opening), I remember anticipating hearing the local mayor (within his speech) recognizing not only the contractors' efforts (who'd been quite capable) but the efforts of the architect (the firm that I worked for).
His speech began and there were such accolades for politics and politicians, past and present. And then there were more accolades for those same politicians. This went on in excess of 20 minutes. And then it was over.
I remember standing up from my metal folding chair out there on the front lawn of the building and literally feeling as if all the work I'd done had been meaningless in so many ways.
Even today, whilst looking back on that, I'm amazed that this prominent city mayor didn't take the time to publicly acknowledge either the designers nor the constructors of this beautiful municipal centerpiece of a building, and of course, I can't help but ask the question, why?
-------------------------
God instructed Adam and Eve to populate the Earth. We have to assume had the Fall not occurred that they would have had children within that unblemished setting just as they did after the Fall. Of course, the world these children would have been born into would have been the same Adam and Eve had only known there in Eden.
One of the most prominent differentiators between the pre / post-Fall state of mind / body for these first human beings was their nakedness. Adam and Eve both felt ashamed of their nakedness immediately following the Fall, therefore they became resourceful in order to clothe themselves with plant material. Eventually, as Scripture alludes, they were ran out of the garden, forbidden to ever return as punishment for their disobedience.
But before that ever occurred, Adam and Eve were the ideal husband / wife within the ideal setting. Their way of life within the garden had been set in motion by their creator. It involved no shame and certainly no sin, therefore I can only also assume (as I alluded to prior) that there was no need for nor hint of violence.
Why don't we as Christians focus on this ideal more? There's so much here to appreciate because it's what God had intended life on Earth to be.
-------------------------
I believe the primary purpose of attending college is to move from dumb ass to smart ass as a person. College should enlighten to the point that graduates know and understand the world around them with relevance and appreciation. And, I believe there's value to this knowledge. In the not too distant past, most collegiate types pursued the liberal arts. And these were precisely what I'm describing here. A wide gamut of relevant knowledge that enlightens and expand one's mind.
As any college grad should tell you (ideally), there is so much to learn about the world around us. And by doing so, you then see everything continuing forward within a new light.
Therefore, if you're not given the opportunity to receive this education, your view of the world will most certainly be confined within the boundaries of what you yourself have been able to obtain on your own accord (after high school). And from there, your ability to appreciate said world may certainly be constrained, constricted, etc.
Now obviously, not every collegiate experience is the same due to institutional and / or field of study choices, but in general terms, these are true statements.
Have you ever come across the phrase Renaissance Man? If not, it's worth researching. It's what I meant by smart ass (in jest).
-------------------------
As husbands / wives, we are constantly tempted to compare ourselves to others and in turn, do the same relative to our spouses. Our culture is built on this, and it does more to weaken marriages than anything else. Entertainment and the advertising revenue that our entertainment industry is built upon uses this societal crutch (weakness) as it's primary motivator to keep all of us attentive and novelized by our many screens.
Party to this, there is no sense within most marriages that one's spouse's body is owned by the other. We understand that paying off our mortgage makes the grass seem greener on the front lawn, but we fail to apply that to what we already own within our spouse.
Eve was created from Adam. God saw a need and fulfilled it via Eve's creation. And when Eve was presented to Adam, she was solely focused on what was now her property. Him. And this had to have put a smile on her lovely face.
And there was a physical toolset (no pun intended) that she understand as Adam. Eve knew herself, therefore when she saw Adam, she comprehended what was her own and how it perfectly complemented her own created self. To be blunt, she loved his wiener in relation to her vagina because it was her husband's wiener. And so forth, and so on regarding her understanding of Adam, from Adam's head to Adam's toes. All of it was her own property. Paid in full. Therefore, just like the paid off mortgage, she was the owner, and this gave her every right to do with his body whatever she saw fit to.
Therefore, the marriage brought with it no shame nor comparison because each spouse knew and understood the other as God had intended. And of course, sexuality was a sizable part of their existence as husband / wife. And it was completely uninhibited due to neither of them being ignorant to the truth of what God had given to each of them within each other.
And please know that I'm writing this from Eve's point of view because I believe women moreso than men are more susceptible to the shame / lies that spring forth from the constant pressure to compare / contrast herself and her husband within our culture. And this is a pointless, destructive exercise unless of course he's an adulterer, addict, or abuser.
-------------------------
Let's educate ourselves as husband / wives, looking to God's first married couple for enlightenment. If we don't have that thorough appreciation, we'll miss out on what we're to understand innately about our spouses within our marriage. This is why Bible study is so important as well as education (as it points us towards the importance of study) in general. Otherwise, we're going to waste an awful lot of not only our own time but our spouse's time due to our ignorance and confusion as to how God actually intended marriage to be. And in the end, all the more unhappier / unsatisfied for it.
If you're a Christian and married, you should make a point to study God's word, if for no other reason than to comprehend marriage and thusly protect it, enjoy it, appreciate it to its fullest. God designed it and called it good.
Don't be a dumbass and miss the opportunity to acknowledge God's good work through your own understanding. For that's what Satan wants.
Scripture gives us no indication as to how long the first husband / wife were cultivating the garden 'till the Fall, but nevertheless, enough time passed for them to suffer / know tremendous loss when the Fall did occur.
Scripture alludes to the lion and the lamb lying down together amidst the new heaven and Earth, therefore I can only assume this same pacifistic state existed within the Eden at the dawn of creation. Therefore, a lot of time was obviously spent enjoying the goodness / prosperity of this setting which in turn meant that Adam and Eve took full advantage of each other within that same vein.
-------------------------
I am an architect, and I've had the privilege of working with some amazingly talented people on some very noteworthy projects here in Mississippi.
One of the largest public buildings that I served as the lead designer on is literally just a few miles from where the Turner's reside in Rankin county. It was completed in 2002, and during the ribbon cutting ceremony (grand opening), I remember anticipating hearing the local mayor (within his speech) recognizing not only the contractors' efforts (who'd been quite capable) but the efforts of the architect (the firm that I worked for).
His speech began and there were such accolades for politics and politicians, past and present. And then there were more accolades for those same politicians. This went on in excess of 20 minutes. And then it was over.
I remember standing up from my metal folding chair out there on the front lawn of the building and literally feeling as if all the work I'd done had been meaningless in so many ways.
Even today, whilst looking back on that, I'm amazed that this prominent city mayor didn't take the time to publicly acknowledge either the designers nor the constructors of this beautiful municipal centerpiece of a building, and of course, I can't help but ask the question, why?
-------------------------
God instructed Adam and Eve to populate the Earth. We have to assume had the Fall not occurred that they would have had children within that unblemished setting just as they did after the Fall. Of course, the world these children would have been born into would have been the same Adam and Eve had only known there in Eden.
One of the most prominent differentiators between the pre / post-Fall state of mind / body for these first human beings was their nakedness. Adam and Eve both felt ashamed of their nakedness immediately following the Fall, therefore they became resourceful in order to clothe themselves with plant material. Eventually, as Scripture alludes, they were ran out of the garden, forbidden to ever return as punishment for their disobedience.
But before that ever occurred, Adam and Eve were the ideal husband / wife within the ideal setting. Their way of life within the garden had been set in motion by their creator. It involved no shame and certainly no sin, therefore I can only also assume (as I alluded to prior) that there was no need for nor hint of violence.
Why don't we as Christians focus on this ideal more? There's so much here to appreciate because it's what God had intended life on Earth to be.
-------------------------
I believe the primary purpose of attending college is to move from dumb ass to smart ass as a person. College should enlighten to the point that graduates know and understand the world around them with relevance and appreciation. And, I believe there's value to this knowledge. In the not too distant past, most collegiate types pursued the liberal arts. And these were precisely what I'm describing here. A wide gamut of relevant knowledge that enlightens and expand one's mind.
As any college grad should tell you (ideally), there is so much to learn about the world around us. And by doing so, you then see everything continuing forward within a new light.
Therefore, if you're not given the opportunity to receive this education, your view of the world will most certainly be confined within the boundaries of what you yourself have been able to obtain on your own accord (after high school). And from there, your ability to appreciate said world may certainly be constrained, constricted, etc.
Now obviously, not every collegiate experience is the same due to institutional and / or field of study choices, but in general terms, these are true statements.
Have you ever come across the phrase Renaissance Man? If not, it's worth researching. It's what I meant by smart ass (in jest).
-------------------------
As husbands / wives, we are constantly tempted to compare ourselves to others and in turn, do the same relative to our spouses. Our culture is built on this, and it does more to weaken marriages than anything else. Entertainment and the advertising revenue that our entertainment industry is built upon uses this societal crutch (weakness) as it's primary motivator to keep all of us attentive and novelized by our many screens.
Party to this, there is no sense within most marriages that one's spouse's body is owned by the other. We understand that paying off our mortgage makes the grass seem greener on the front lawn, but we fail to apply that to what we already own within our spouse.
Eve was created from Adam. God saw a need and fulfilled it via Eve's creation. And when Eve was presented to Adam, she was solely focused on what was now her property. Him. And this had to have put a smile on her lovely face.
And there was a physical toolset (no pun intended) that she understand as Adam. Eve knew herself, therefore when she saw Adam, she comprehended what was her own and how it perfectly complemented her own created self. To be blunt, she loved his wiener in relation to her vagina because it was her husband's wiener. And so forth, and so on regarding her understanding of Adam, from Adam's head to Adam's toes. All of it was her own property. Paid in full. Therefore, just like the paid off mortgage, she was the owner, and this gave her every right to do with his body whatever she saw fit to.
Therefore, the marriage brought with it no shame nor comparison because each spouse knew and understood the other as God had intended. And of course, sexuality was a sizable part of their existence as husband / wife. And it was completely uninhibited due to neither of them being ignorant to the truth of what God had given to each of them within each other.
And please know that I'm writing this from Eve's point of view because I believe women moreso than men are more susceptible to the shame / lies that spring forth from the constant pressure to compare / contrast herself and her husband within our culture. And this is a pointless, destructive exercise unless of course he's an adulterer, addict, or abuser.
-------------------------
Let's educate ourselves as husband / wives, looking to God's first married couple for enlightenment. If we don't have that thorough appreciation, we'll miss out on what we're to understand innately about our spouses within our marriage. This is why Bible study is so important as well as education (as it points us towards the importance of study) in general. Otherwise, we're going to waste an awful lot of not only our own time but our spouse's time due to our ignorance and confusion as to how God actually intended marriage to be. And in the end, all the more unhappier / unsatisfied for it.
If you're a Christian and married, you should make a point to study God's word, if for no other reason than to comprehend marriage and thusly protect it, enjoy it, appreciate it to its fullest. God designed it and called it good.
Don't be a dumbass and miss the opportunity to acknowledge God's good work through your own understanding. For that's what Satan wants.
Thursday, September 19, 2019
Sanguine
If you wish to pour hot coals on the head of those who've hurt you emotionally physically, spiritually, pray that God will provide you with an optimistic outlook despite your suffering. If you're blessed to receive such a gift from your Heavenly Father, it will frustrate your enemy to no end.
As Christians, we're to be innocent as doves. Always turning the other cheek and being willing to go the second and third mile for those who torment us.
Why do any of this?
Because we are to care more for our brother's salvation than anything else due to the fact that we are obligated to it / responsible for it as Christians due to our witness.
In other words, we don't deserve any moreso than our enemy to be born again, adopted sons of God, and it is our enemies' presence within our lives that provides opportunity for us to exude / amplify / reflect the mercies of Jesus Christ.
Let me repeat that. We don't deserve any moreso than our enemy to be born again, adopted sons of God. This is so freaking hard to digest. Oh Lord, humble my heart today!
We didn't earn our salvation. And no, there's no Christian "Bill of Rights" relative to how we're to be treated, adjudicated by our fellow man. What there is though is the plethora of God's promises to his children.
Hold fast to an eternal outlook today, and keep pouring out those hot coals via a God breathed sanguine outlook / perspective. No matter how much you'd like to witness your enemy's house burning down, dog being run over, or spouse leaving him / her, pray for them earnestly whilst also praying for your own self regarding how you respond to them each and every day.
As Christians, we're to be innocent as doves. Always turning the other cheek and being willing to go the second and third mile for those who torment us.
Why do any of this?
Because we are to care more for our brother's salvation than anything else due to the fact that we are obligated to it / responsible for it as Christians due to our witness.
In other words, we don't deserve any moreso than our enemy to be born again, adopted sons of God, and it is our enemies' presence within our lives that provides opportunity for us to exude / amplify / reflect the mercies of Jesus Christ.
Let me repeat that. We don't deserve any moreso than our enemy to be born again, adopted sons of God. This is so freaking hard to digest. Oh Lord, humble my heart today!
We didn't earn our salvation. And no, there's no Christian "Bill of Rights" relative to how we're to be treated, adjudicated by our fellow man. What there is though is the plethora of God's promises to his children.
Hold fast to an eternal outlook today, and keep pouring out those hot coals via a God breathed sanguine outlook / perspective. No matter how much you'd like to witness your enemy's house burning down, dog being run over, or spouse leaving him / her, pray for them earnestly whilst also praying for your own self regarding how you respond to them each and every day.
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Supernatural Presence Within
The Bible has a lot to say about the supernatural existing within human beings. Sometimes it refers to evil in that regard, but mostly it places emphasis on holy. Jesus as well as a number of the apostles are chronicled within God's word as having run ins with evil spirits who happened to be existing within human beings. In the case of Jesus, a number of those evil spirits identified themselves upon encountering the Messiah via their natural host. A few very awkward exchanges are recorded in Scripture due to this. And there's no doubt that the "persuasion" of the evil spirit made quite the impact on its host relative to outlook on life, mood, but mainly his / her state of mind. In other words, what the demonic spirit was feeling was amplified into the experience of its victim.
Jesus ascended into heaven, having spent 30 or so additional days on the Earth after his resurrection from the dead. He stated that it would be better for him to exit than stay in order for the Holy Spirit to "relieve him" (my way of seeing it) here on Earth.
In all honesty, I've never put much thought into whom or why he said that 'till recently. Therefore, what you're about to read is my take on an important foundational topic of Scripture from the point of view of a Reformed Christian.
-------------------------
When I was lassoed in by the gospel at age 13, I have no doubt the Holy Spirit entered in. I credit it's help with so many righteous decisions / periods of enduring suffering well, though I'll be the first to admit that I was far from perfect. But what I've never considered is how God's spirit affects 47-year old Rob day to day as I go about living my life. The Bible is clear that our bodies are vessels for God's spirit to "make itself home" within. Therefore, this notion that post-conversion God's spirit might overstay its welcome, or simply cease to be present doesn't line up with Scripture. In fact, it's more in line with the homeyness analogy which would be, as time advances, God's spirit only becomes that much more integrated within.
-------------------------
When my wife became a mother to our first child, her identity as Angie changed. It wasn't that she became someone else, but due to her birthing Caroline, it was as if another permanent point of view was put in place simultaneously.
Let me give you an example of this.
Angie detests being out in the heat because she physiologically reacts to it almost immediately by perspiring profusely. Literally all over her body, within a matter of a few minutes, she looks as if she's been out in the scorching hot sun for over an hour. When she was a student at Baylor (very hot fall semesters), she loathed having to walk across campus to class due to the inevitable perspiration on her face, in her hair, etc. that she'd have to cope with whilst walking and during her class. And this issue has stigmatized her literally to the point of pretty much never walking outside the house unless it's less than 85 degrees F. Interestingly enough, her father had this same physiological quirk, and I must say that I'm thankful it wasn't passed along to any of our 3 little sinners.
Our oldest daughter is a varsity dancer, therefore at every high school football game, she's there with the team, shaking her ass at the fans. As part of this, there's tailgating and so forth that we as "dance team parents" are encouraged to be a part of. Well, you dear reader already know how I feel at high school football games.
Inevitably, the first 4 or 5 games are played within quite uncomfortable climate conditions here within the Magnolia state, and this is especially true considering the tailgating food frenzy starts 90 minutes prior to kickoff. And guess who's there despite the heat? At each and every home game? My sweet, profusely sweaty Angie. And, of course, she's all smiles and in good spirits as the mother of Caroline.
-------------------------
90 days after being terminated from my job at Delta State for breaking their Information Technology policy, I wasn't experiencing any emotional healing. If anything was happening, I was actually becoming more despondent. During the initial 30 days (this was about this time of year in 2013), I lost 14 pounds, slept no more than 3 to 4 hours a night, and experienced hopelessness like I'd never experienced in my life. You would have thought that I'd lost a child or was going through a divorce had only the qualitative emotional suffering been taken into account. Eventually, I soon discovered that I had developed PTSD due to the severity of the emotional trauma, therefore from there, I found myself on an 18 month collision course dealing with daily flashbacks of the termination and subsequent emotional fallout.
Leading up to that termination was a point of spiritual reckoning for me that I had no clue how to come to grips with. Essentially, 3 months prior to that fateful day, I wrote a letter to our pastor at Covenant Presbyterian Church which specifically asked him for help with my continued struggle with sexual sin. Well before that letter was penned (soon after we joined the congregation), he became privy to my former blog, The Architect's Garage, which detailed my entire struggle with homosexual desire, porn, my faith, and so forth. Unfortunately, Pastor Tim only chose to respond to my aforementioned letter 5 weeks after I had handed it off to him. But by then, it was much too late. Not only had too much time passed for me to keep my needy outstretched hand open for him, but circumstantially, my vocational situation had only grown that much more difficult for me to cope with.
Therefore, there was a deep seated sense of personal and spiritual rejection and negligence here that went far beyond a simple job loss, and it rocked me (& God's spirit within me) to the very core of my being. Hence, I believe, the fertile ground for suicidal thoughts and the horrific extenuating trauma brought on by PTSD.
-------------------------
The Bible mentions "grieving God's spirit" a few times. It also talks an awful lot about God's emotional state of mind (this is especially true with the Old Testament). The former, to me, for such a time as this, has much to do with Rob being "impressed upon" by the latter. To put it another way, God's spirit within me responds to my life circumstances, and from there, I experience His return that's therefore aligned with his emotional state of being. Call it Heavenly Father empathy if you will.
Similarly, I believe God's spirit, that resides within Rob, positions itself towards certain individuals who are brought into my sphere of influence due to this same holy empathy. And I've seen this occur even if I may not personally be drawn to those / that particular individual(s). Upon discovering this, it has been hugely impressed upon my heart, therefore I think on it often.
-------------------------
Lastly, how does this apply to Samson Society?
God's spirit within me draws me in or repels me from certain Samson guys depending on circumstance / need. It also tempers my heart, allowing me to be far more patient / interested than Rob truly is or ever would be.
As most of you know, I love men. But that doesn't apply to every one. It can't. But God's spirit within me is far greater and more interested than I ever could be.
It is such a privilege to be a vessel for God's Holy Spirit. I'm a better man for it. To God be the glory!
The undeniable truth is this: Samson Society is built on God's spirit doing its good work in and through Samson guys as we support each other via relational accountability.
Jesus ascended into heaven, having spent 30 or so additional days on the Earth after his resurrection from the dead. He stated that it would be better for him to exit than stay in order for the Holy Spirit to "relieve him" (my way of seeing it) here on Earth.
In all honesty, I've never put much thought into whom or why he said that 'till recently. Therefore, what you're about to read is my take on an important foundational topic of Scripture from the point of view of a Reformed Christian.
-------------------------
When I was lassoed in by the gospel at age 13, I have no doubt the Holy Spirit entered in. I credit it's help with so many righteous decisions / periods of enduring suffering well, though I'll be the first to admit that I was far from perfect. But what I've never considered is how God's spirit affects 47-year old Rob day to day as I go about living my life. The Bible is clear that our bodies are vessels for God's spirit to "make itself home" within. Therefore, this notion that post-conversion God's spirit might overstay its welcome, or simply cease to be present doesn't line up with Scripture. In fact, it's more in line with the homeyness analogy which would be, as time advances, God's spirit only becomes that much more integrated within.
-------------------------
When my wife became a mother to our first child, her identity as Angie changed. It wasn't that she became someone else, but due to her birthing Caroline, it was as if another permanent point of view was put in place simultaneously.
Let me give you an example of this.
Angie detests being out in the heat because she physiologically reacts to it almost immediately by perspiring profusely. Literally all over her body, within a matter of a few minutes, she looks as if she's been out in the scorching hot sun for over an hour. When she was a student at Baylor (very hot fall semesters), she loathed having to walk across campus to class due to the inevitable perspiration on her face, in her hair, etc. that she'd have to cope with whilst walking and during her class. And this issue has stigmatized her literally to the point of pretty much never walking outside the house unless it's less than 85 degrees F. Interestingly enough, her father had this same physiological quirk, and I must say that I'm thankful it wasn't passed along to any of our 3 little sinners.
Our oldest daughter is a varsity dancer, therefore at every high school football game, she's there with the team, shaking her ass at the fans. As part of this, there's tailgating and so forth that we as "dance team parents" are encouraged to be a part of. Well, you dear reader already know how I feel at high school football games.
Inevitably, the first 4 or 5 games are played within quite uncomfortable climate conditions here within the Magnolia state, and this is especially true considering the tailgating food frenzy starts 90 minutes prior to kickoff. And guess who's there despite the heat? At each and every home game? My sweet, profusely sweaty Angie. And, of course, she's all smiles and in good spirits as the mother of Caroline.
-------------------------
90 days after being terminated from my job at Delta State for breaking their Information Technology policy, I wasn't experiencing any emotional healing. If anything was happening, I was actually becoming more despondent. During the initial 30 days (this was about this time of year in 2013), I lost 14 pounds, slept no more than 3 to 4 hours a night, and experienced hopelessness like I'd never experienced in my life. You would have thought that I'd lost a child or was going through a divorce had only the qualitative emotional suffering been taken into account. Eventually, I soon discovered that I had developed PTSD due to the severity of the emotional trauma, therefore from there, I found myself on an 18 month collision course dealing with daily flashbacks of the termination and subsequent emotional fallout.
Leading up to that termination was a point of spiritual reckoning for me that I had no clue how to come to grips with. Essentially, 3 months prior to that fateful day, I wrote a letter to our pastor at Covenant Presbyterian Church which specifically asked him for help with my continued struggle with sexual sin. Well before that letter was penned (soon after we joined the congregation), he became privy to my former blog, The Architect's Garage, which detailed my entire struggle with homosexual desire, porn, my faith, and so forth. Unfortunately, Pastor Tim only chose to respond to my aforementioned letter 5 weeks after I had handed it off to him. But by then, it was much too late. Not only had too much time passed for me to keep my needy outstretched hand open for him, but circumstantially, my vocational situation had only grown that much more difficult for me to cope with.
Therefore, there was a deep seated sense of personal and spiritual rejection and negligence here that went far beyond a simple job loss, and it rocked me (& God's spirit within me) to the very core of my being. Hence, I believe, the fertile ground for suicidal thoughts and the horrific extenuating trauma brought on by PTSD.
-------------------------
The Bible mentions "grieving God's spirit" a few times. It also talks an awful lot about God's emotional state of mind (this is especially true with the Old Testament). The former, to me, for such a time as this, has much to do with Rob being "impressed upon" by the latter. To put it another way, God's spirit within me responds to my life circumstances, and from there, I experience His return that's therefore aligned with his emotional state of being. Call it Heavenly Father empathy if you will.
Similarly, I believe God's spirit, that resides within Rob, positions itself towards certain individuals who are brought into my sphere of influence due to this same holy empathy. And I've seen this occur even if I may not personally be drawn to those / that particular individual(s). Upon discovering this, it has been hugely impressed upon my heart, therefore I think on it often.
-------------------------
Lastly, how does this apply to Samson Society?
God's spirit within me draws me in or repels me from certain Samson guys depending on circumstance / need. It also tempers my heart, allowing me to be far more patient / interested than Rob truly is or ever would be.
As most of you know, I love men. But that doesn't apply to every one. It can't. But God's spirit within me is far greater and more interested than I ever could be.
It is such a privilege to be a vessel for God's Holy Spirit. I'm a better man for it. To God be the glory!
The undeniable truth is this: Samson Society is built on God's spirit doing its good work in and through Samson guys as we support each other via relational accountability.
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
Out Of Respect For Your Spectacular Nutsack, Take The Time To Pass Along Your Personal Sexual Narrative
The first pastor I closely befriended was 3 or 4 years older than I. I felt compelled to share my story with him at our initial juncture (over lunch at Primos restaurant) and subsequently, extend a hand of friendship. I was delighted that he reciprocated relative to the latter. From there, we quickly grew close over a +/-18 month period 'till circumstantially, the friendship fizzled out. To be more specific, he was beginning to experience serious issues at home, and from there chose to refocus. I was saddened to see him bias all of his relational energies there.
During the thick of our friendship, he and I read through The Screwtape Letters, and it was during that process that I was enlightened to some of his own personal failings. In turn, I began to probe by asking questions and in turn receive candid responses, and this grew into such an enriching experience - taken from the standpoint that he was a pastor! It was not unlike having a newfound, very well respected big brother in whom to study / learn from. As a result of all of this, I do remember being shocked at his revelation of choosing to fornicate as a teen. This was one of the most heartrending confessions I could have imagined coming from him as he was such the devout man during the time that I had the privilege of knowing him.
-------------------------
As a high school student, I was excited to see one of my dad's bosses' daughters enrolling as a new student at the private academy I attended. She was a year or so older than I, and though very petite, a strikingly beautiful 17 year old.
The quarterback of our academy's football team (& also a high GPA student), whom she eventually began to date, had everything going for him. He was undoubtedly the Big Man on Campus despite being humble to boot, and such the clean cut guy. How shocked I was to see the two of them abruptly married due to the fact that there was an unexpected baby on the way.
-------------------------
Samson Society men typically have their entire stories drawn out (personally narrated) over time. It's a beautiful experience to be privy to, and having the tenure I'm privileged to have, I've heard numerous personal accounts. Based on what I've observed over the past 5 years, so many of these men became sexually active as teens. So many. And in turn, abortions often occurred. Terrible regrets and so many emotional scars, as a result of fornication, literally pile up within my mind as I think back and quantify this trend. But, it's also true to me that, it's not just Samson Society men who share this narrative of fornication. It's almost every man I meet.
-------------------------
I can vividly recall television programming during my childhood addressing the topic of fornication by disregarding it completely as any sort of Biblically-defined sin. I can also recall as a young man rubbing shoulders with shack-up church attendees who were unaware that the Bible even called fornication out as such. Considering both of these, obviously the former had made quite the impact on the latter.
I know of some Christian men who fornicated with their girlfriends for years prior to marrying, all under the guise of rebelling out of spite towards parents who "refused to allow them to marry".
Let's examine the difficulty and pragmatism behind this societal epidemic which in no way coalescences with God's will.
-------------------------
Firstly, why dub fornication as an epidemic?
Parenthood, the 1989 Ron Howard film, characterized abortion as a necessity for overworked, undersexed parents who surprisingly find themselves pregnant (again). The comedic narrative of the film took a blatant turn when this commentary was introduced within the screenplay, and so many, like myself, were absolutely blindsided to see the actors feed these particular lies to us onscreen amidst the vomit, diarrhea and dildo jokes.
Abortion does not exist / thrive on the needs of suburban families with 2.5 children. It exists due to the prevalence of fornication. No matter how much Hollywood film studios might want us to believe otherwise.
If fornication ceases to exist, the need for abortion, in turn, ceases to be.
-------------------------
According to science, men are physiologically at their sexual peak at the age of 18. To me, this means we are most fertile at that age due to the quantity and health of the sperm our testes produce as well as the efficiency of delivering those sperm via our genitalia.
I've been told that a man's mind is his strongest sexual organ, and in the past, that sounded like truth, but from a pragmatic standpoint, the mind is in no way a male sex organ.
So what then convinces a man to abandon his faith / character / ideals / rationale and participate in fornication?
Is it simply because he's somehow privy to the fact that it feels really, really good? Is it due to his need to behave out of rebellion? Is is truly some sort of rite of passage into manhood?
-------------------------
I recently spent time with a new friend who shared with me that he only chose women to fornicate with who he was willing to have a child with. And based on the particulars of his story, he fornicated with what sounded like an entire harem of potential "mothers to his children".
Could it be that some men's very identity as men is somehow never accomplished / fully realized 'till they potentially fertilize a waiting egg within a woman's Fallopian tube?
-------------------------
Bareback sex is the hottest trend within gay pornography. The most "acclaimed" gay porn studios pay huge sums of money to those who'll participate in sodomy sans a condom in front of a camera, and even moreso to those men who'll ejaculate sans pulling their penis out of their lover's rectum.
Sodomy is a distortion of vaginal intercourse. The vagina is designed to be pummeled by the penis 'till eventually pumped full of semen at climax. Semen which just happens to be teeming with sperm. Men who aren't sexually attracted to women transpose this sexual act onto other men. It's as simple as that. Believe me, I speak from experience.
-------------------------
Do you know how many men refuse to embrace sterility via the simplistic, outpatient vasectomy? Or, are you privy to those men who've traveled to Houston, TX to have the vasectomy procedure reversed? What about the men who were either born sterile or perhaps became as such due to some life event. Have you ever met one of those guys? What is it about being able to impregnate a female with one's sex organs?
A man's scrotum is no doubt the least attractive, seemingly afterthoughtish body part that he has. It's like a giant, hairy skin tag hanging between his legs. No woman (or man for that matter) has ever sized up a naked dude and said, "Damn, your nutsack is spectacular!".
Talk to any guy though, and he's aware of it, most of the time. Physically, at least. What's he's not privy to though, I believe, is how those testes do impact his understanding of himself as a man.
---------------------------
Talk to most men about their personal fornication narrative, and they'll do so through a wry smile. My pastor friend may have even done this (his disclosure relative to fornication was done via email). I find this not to be the case because the sex was really good, but because something was accomplished through that sex act. Something that resonated with their deep seated need to be validated as men.
Our genitals are designed to impregnate women. We have the means to create life through vaginal intercourse, and by doing so, we gain access to the most intimate, pleasurable physical experience on planet Earth. That being the build up and release of semen from the tip of our penises.
Women enjoy intercourse, but no women feels ejaculate filling up their sex organs during a man's climax. In fact, were it not for the man's full-bodied emotional pronouncement of climax (groaning and moaning), she'd never know he'd reached it. My point here is that women gain no more physical pleasure from semen entering their bodies, therefore they feel no more womanly as a result. That's not the case for men. Something intensely relevant is happening during those moments for a guy. It's a relevancy that needs to be better grappled with, named and drawn out in order for us to better pass along our own fornication tales to younger men / boys. Tales which hopefully will educate the next generation as to the why we as men are drawn - from so many angles - towards fornication. Physically and emotionally.
Our stories, even those that we may be most ashamed to admit to, enlighten and ultimately protect those we love. And this is oftentimes protection from their own very innate, masculine selves which don't necessarily need to be tamed or neutered but simply UNDERSTOOD better. We can help with that.
And lastly dear reader, keep in mind that I myself am a product of fornication.
Lagniappe
During the thick of our friendship, he and I read through The Screwtape Letters, and it was during that process that I was enlightened to some of his own personal failings. In turn, I began to probe by asking questions and in turn receive candid responses, and this grew into such an enriching experience - taken from the standpoint that he was a pastor! It was not unlike having a newfound, very well respected big brother in whom to study / learn from. As a result of all of this, I do remember being shocked at his revelation of choosing to fornicate as a teen. This was one of the most heartrending confessions I could have imagined coming from him as he was such the devout man during the time that I had the privilege of knowing him.
-------------------------
As a high school student, I was excited to see one of my dad's bosses' daughters enrolling as a new student at the private academy I attended. She was a year or so older than I, and though very petite, a strikingly beautiful 17 year old.
The quarterback of our academy's football team (& also a high GPA student), whom she eventually began to date, had everything going for him. He was undoubtedly the Big Man on Campus despite being humble to boot, and such the clean cut guy. How shocked I was to see the two of them abruptly married due to the fact that there was an unexpected baby on the way.
-------------------------
Samson Society men typically have their entire stories drawn out (personally narrated) over time. It's a beautiful experience to be privy to, and having the tenure I'm privileged to have, I've heard numerous personal accounts. Based on what I've observed over the past 5 years, so many of these men became sexually active as teens. So many. And in turn, abortions often occurred. Terrible regrets and so many emotional scars, as a result of fornication, literally pile up within my mind as I think back and quantify this trend. But, it's also true to me that, it's not just Samson Society men who share this narrative of fornication. It's almost every man I meet.
-------------------------
I can vividly recall television programming during my childhood addressing the topic of fornication by disregarding it completely as any sort of Biblically-defined sin. I can also recall as a young man rubbing shoulders with shack-up church attendees who were unaware that the Bible even called fornication out as such. Considering both of these, obviously the former had made quite the impact on the latter.
I know of some Christian men who fornicated with their girlfriends for years prior to marrying, all under the guise of rebelling out of spite towards parents who "refused to allow them to marry".
Let's examine the difficulty and pragmatism behind this societal epidemic which in no way coalescences with God's will.
-------------------------
Firstly, why dub fornication as an epidemic?
Parenthood, the 1989 Ron Howard film, characterized abortion as a necessity for overworked, undersexed parents who surprisingly find themselves pregnant (again). The comedic narrative of the film took a blatant turn when this commentary was introduced within the screenplay, and so many, like myself, were absolutely blindsided to see the actors feed these particular lies to us onscreen amidst the vomit, diarrhea and dildo jokes.
Abortion does not exist / thrive on the needs of suburban families with 2.5 children. It exists due to the prevalence of fornication. No matter how much Hollywood film studios might want us to believe otherwise.
If fornication ceases to exist, the need for abortion, in turn, ceases to be.
-------------------------
According to science, men are physiologically at their sexual peak at the age of 18. To me, this means we are most fertile at that age due to the quantity and health of the sperm our testes produce as well as the efficiency of delivering those sperm via our genitalia.
I've been told that a man's mind is his strongest sexual organ, and in the past, that sounded like truth, but from a pragmatic standpoint, the mind is in no way a male sex organ.
So what then convinces a man to abandon his faith / character / ideals / rationale and participate in fornication?
Is it simply because he's somehow privy to the fact that it feels really, really good? Is it due to his need to behave out of rebellion? Is is truly some sort of rite of passage into manhood?
-------------------------
I recently spent time with a new friend who shared with me that he only chose women to fornicate with who he was willing to have a child with. And based on the particulars of his story, he fornicated with what sounded like an entire harem of potential "mothers to his children".
Could it be that some men's very identity as men is somehow never accomplished / fully realized 'till they potentially fertilize a waiting egg within a woman's Fallopian tube?
-------------------------
Bareback sex is the hottest trend within gay pornography. The most "acclaimed" gay porn studios pay huge sums of money to those who'll participate in sodomy sans a condom in front of a camera, and even moreso to those men who'll ejaculate sans pulling their penis out of their lover's rectum.
Sodomy is a distortion of vaginal intercourse. The vagina is designed to be pummeled by the penis 'till eventually pumped full of semen at climax. Semen which just happens to be teeming with sperm. Men who aren't sexually attracted to women transpose this sexual act onto other men. It's as simple as that. Believe me, I speak from experience.
-------------------------
Do you know how many men refuse to embrace sterility via the simplistic, outpatient vasectomy? Or, are you privy to those men who've traveled to Houston, TX to have the vasectomy procedure reversed? What about the men who were either born sterile or perhaps became as such due to some life event. Have you ever met one of those guys? What is it about being able to impregnate a female with one's sex organs?
A man's scrotum is no doubt the least attractive, seemingly afterthoughtish body part that he has. It's like a giant, hairy skin tag hanging between his legs. No woman (or man for that matter) has ever sized up a naked dude and said, "Damn, your nutsack is spectacular!".
Talk to any guy though, and he's aware of it, most of the time. Physically, at least. What's he's not privy to though, I believe, is how those testes do impact his understanding of himself as a man.
---------------------------
Talk to most men about their personal fornication narrative, and they'll do so through a wry smile. My pastor friend may have even done this (his disclosure relative to fornication was done via email). I find this not to be the case because the sex was really good, but because something was accomplished through that sex act. Something that resonated with their deep seated need to be validated as men.
Our genitals are designed to impregnate women. We have the means to create life through vaginal intercourse, and by doing so, we gain access to the most intimate, pleasurable physical experience on planet Earth. That being the build up and release of semen from the tip of our penises.
Women enjoy intercourse, but no women feels ejaculate filling up their sex organs during a man's climax. In fact, were it not for the man's full-bodied emotional pronouncement of climax (groaning and moaning), she'd never know he'd reached it. My point here is that women gain no more physical pleasure from semen entering their bodies, therefore they feel no more womanly as a result. That's not the case for men. Something intensely relevant is happening during those moments for a guy. It's a relevancy that needs to be better grappled with, named and drawn out in order for us to better pass along our own fornication tales to younger men / boys. Tales which hopefully will educate the next generation as to the why we as men are drawn - from so many angles - towards fornication. Physically and emotionally.
Our stories, even those that we may be most ashamed to admit to, enlighten and ultimately protect those we love. And this is oftentimes protection from their own very innate, masculine selves which don't necessarily need to be tamed or neutered but simply UNDERSTOOD better. We can help with that.
And lastly dear reader, keep in mind that I myself am a product of fornication.
Lagniappe
Sunday, September 15, 2019
Life In The Margins
My great grandmother never obtained a driver's license. She lived in a 2-bedroom dogtrot house in Humphreys county within the south Delta region of Mississippi. I remember "Grandma Ray", as everyone called her, as somewhat of a shadow. Inevitably, she'd walk down to my grandparents' home upon seeing Bob & Darlene's car pass by her own. I never understood why my 'rents didn't stop to pick her up, but that's neither here nor there.
Her house has long since been demolished, though a few of the enormous pecan trees are still positioned in what was once her front yard. These trees shaded the porch perfectly, allowing her to swing there most afternoons protected from the heat of the harsh afternoon sun.
Grandma Ray always wore her gray hair short. Her figure was quite petite, perfectly suited really to her simple knee-length dresses. And this made her appear much younger than she really was.
Upon arriving at my grandparents' abode (within 15 minutes of our arrival), she'd sit adjacent to the door, never saying a word to anyone. And this wasn't out of disrespect. It's just how she operated. Grandma Ray was an observer, choosing to live her life in that regard.
--------------------------
As a boy (pre-teen), I was the motor mouth. Talks Too Much In Class was consistent criticism of my elementary school teachers on each and every report card. I did this because I loved the attention. Plus, I was articulate. Therefore, you put 2 + 2 together...
But once I reached middle school (or junior high, as it was called in my day), I quickly shifted my approach to life. For it was at this point that I soon realized that observing those around me was a much smarter (& safer) means of operating.
-------------------------
My best friend in high school's 'rents purchased him a new obsidian black Dodge Daytona. If I remember correctly, it was an '89 model, and frankly, I liked the car because it seemed to meld with Greg's persona. Greg would regularly take us to Sonic in Ridgeland for fried cheese sticks and cherry limeades in this car with me riding shotgun and our mutual friend, Todd, riding in the very cramped backseat.
One night in particular stands out to me as we were returning home from our favorite fast food drive-in. Whilst turning from County Line Road to Old Canton Road, an adjacent car full of teenagers cut forward into our lane. Had Greg not applied the brakes, we'd have easily plowed into the rear end of their car. It was an obviously sloppy error on the part of the driver that could have resulted in a significant fender-bender.
Stupidly, in response, I reached over and honked the horn of the Daytona by pressing the far right horn button on the car's steering wheel. This obviously alarmed my two friends, and in response, I immediately regretted my knee jerk reaction.
And that's when the car in front of us stopped right there in the middle of the road, and my heart sank. In response, Greg stopped too. The distance between us and car ahead was probably 75 feet.
Many awkward seconds went past. What were we to do?, I thought to myself.
Greg expertly observed their next move as if he'd walked this road before. Eventually, they sped away into the night, and we slowly made our way home relieved.
-------------------------
One of the most curious present day developments relative to our individual social standing as a people is the ubiquity and therefore dominant forcefulness of social media.
And this is especially curious to me within circumstances that demand / require "regularly scheduled" face to face social interaction. Take, for instance, church. This place you become a member of and revisit week after week, rearing your family there among-st the "body of Christ".
Social media is built upon the premise of living loudly by digitally communicating constantly. This is lauded as a necessity to staying socially relevant whilst influencing, influencing, influencing.
Therefore, your social media identity is established well in advance of ever stepping foot into the church house (or place of employment, holiday gathering, etc.). Hence, there's a Facebook or Instagram version of everyone that's positioned to worship, work, holiday amongst all the other Facebook or Instagram versions who've similarly positioned their own selves. It's essentially digital posturing that reinvents itself day after day after day.
Even our pastor nowadays provides commentary about what's he's read on social media about his parishioners, sometimes scolding the masses even, regarding the identity they're consistently working to construct. It is the weirdest and most bizarre, technologically-fueled masquerade ever, and in so many respects, it's no different than what I experienced in junior high.
Therefore, social media just like junior high thrives on the craving we have here in the West to be popular among-st our peers. Popularity that hopefully will serve to draw like-minded people to us in order for them to confirm our worth / value technologically and otherwise.
-------------------------
Rob became an observer as a teenager because I was a loser by definition. Neither handsome nor masculine, not an athlete nor a Mississippi outdoorsman, I was therefore defined as none other than a L-O-S-E-R.
There were only +/-45 of us in my private academy class, most of which I'd grown up with since kindergarten, and man, I fit in there as a middle / high school student like RuPaul would as a freshman at Brigham Young University.
And as I alluded to earlier, through all of this, what I learned most importantly to do in order to compensate for this ungainly situation was to keep my mouth shut and observe. Not only to protect myself, but to try and make sense of / come to grips with what I'd found myself having to deal with day after day after day.
-------------------------
Today, I continue forward within this same modus operandi, and it works for me. If you're ever in a Samson Society meeting with Rob, you'll see quite the vocal version of me, but otherwise within "regularly scheduled social programming", I tend to live in the margins. And I like that approach. It harkens back to my great grandmother and my high school best friend. Two people I respected dearly. Plus, it's the only means I've found to understand / make sense of people - at least from my own personal point of view.
There are many reasons I eschew social media, but primarily it's due to what I've described here. Middle school represented the worst years of my life. Therefore, why embrace / waste time on something that rings true with all that ridiculousness?
Christians are called to live "quiet lives". I'm in sync - wholeheartedly - with that approach, but keep in mind that there are venues where men are expected to be as direct and in your face as they feel lead to be. And, of course, you know of one option to you here in the Jackson Metro.
Won't you join us?
Her house has long since been demolished, though a few of the enormous pecan trees are still positioned in what was once her front yard. These trees shaded the porch perfectly, allowing her to swing there most afternoons protected from the heat of the harsh afternoon sun.
Grandma Ray always wore her gray hair short. Her figure was quite petite, perfectly suited really to her simple knee-length dresses. And this made her appear much younger than she really was.
Upon arriving at my grandparents' abode (within 15 minutes of our arrival), she'd sit adjacent to the door, never saying a word to anyone. And this wasn't out of disrespect. It's just how she operated. Grandma Ray was an observer, choosing to live her life in that regard.
--------------------------
As a boy (pre-teen), I was the motor mouth. Talks Too Much In Class was consistent criticism of my elementary school teachers on each and every report card. I did this because I loved the attention. Plus, I was articulate. Therefore, you put 2 + 2 together...
But once I reached middle school (or junior high, as it was called in my day), I quickly shifted my approach to life. For it was at this point that I soon realized that observing those around me was a much smarter (& safer) means of operating.
-------------------------
My best friend in high school's 'rents purchased him a new obsidian black Dodge Daytona. If I remember correctly, it was an '89 model, and frankly, I liked the car because it seemed to meld with Greg's persona. Greg would regularly take us to Sonic in Ridgeland for fried cheese sticks and cherry limeades in this car with me riding shotgun and our mutual friend, Todd, riding in the very cramped backseat.
One night in particular stands out to me as we were returning home from our favorite fast food drive-in. Whilst turning from County Line Road to Old Canton Road, an adjacent car full of teenagers cut forward into our lane. Had Greg not applied the brakes, we'd have easily plowed into the rear end of their car. It was an obviously sloppy error on the part of the driver that could have resulted in a significant fender-bender.
Stupidly, in response, I reached over and honked the horn of the Daytona by pressing the far right horn button on the car's steering wheel. This obviously alarmed my two friends, and in response, I immediately regretted my knee jerk reaction.
And that's when the car in front of us stopped right there in the middle of the road, and my heart sank. In response, Greg stopped too. The distance between us and car ahead was probably 75 feet.
Many awkward seconds went past. What were we to do?, I thought to myself.
Greg expertly observed their next move as if he'd walked this road before. Eventually, they sped away into the night, and we slowly made our way home relieved.
-------------------------
One of the most curious present day developments relative to our individual social standing as a people is the ubiquity and therefore dominant forcefulness of social media.
And this is especially curious to me within circumstances that demand / require "regularly scheduled" face to face social interaction. Take, for instance, church. This place you become a member of and revisit week after week, rearing your family there among-st the "body of Christ".
Social media is built upon the premise of living loudly by digitally communicating constantly. This is lauded as a necessity to staying socially relevant whilst influencing, influencing, influencing.
Therefore, your social media identity is established well in advance of ever stepping foot into the church house (or place of employment, holiday gathering, etc.). Hence, there's a Facebook or Instagram version of everyone that's positioned to worship, work, holiday amongst all the other Facebook or Instagram versions who've similarly positioned their own selves. It's essentially digital posturing that reinvents itself day after day after day.
Even our pastor nowadays provides commentary about what's he's read on social media about his parishioners, sometimes scolding the masses even, regarding the identity they're consistently working to construct. It is the weirdest and most bizarre, technologically-fueled masquerade ever, and in so many respects, it's no different than what I experienced in junior high.
Therefore, social media just like junior high thrives on the craving we have here in the West to be popular among-st our peers. Popularity that hopefully will serve to draw like-minded people to us in order for them to confirm our worth / value technologically and otherwise.
-------------------------
Rob became an observer as a teenager because I was a loser by definition. Neither handsome nor masculine, not an athlete nor a Mississippi outdoorsman, I was therefore defined as none other than a L-O-S-E-R.
There were only +/-45 of us in my private academy class, most of which I'd grown up with since kindergarten, and man, I fit in there as a middle / high school student like RuPaul would as a freshman at Brigham Young University.
And as I alluded to earlier, through all of this, what I learned most importantly to do in order to compensate for this ungainly situation was to keep my mouth shut and observe. Not only to protect myself, but to try and make sense of / come to grips with what I'd found myself having to deal with day after day after day.
-------------------------
Today, I continue forward within this same modus operandi, and it works for me. If you're ever in a Samson Society meeting with Rob, you'll see quite the vocal version of me, but otherwise within "regularly scheduled social programming", I tend to live in the margins. And I like that approach. It harkens back to my great grandmother and my high school best friend. Two people I respected dearly. Plus, it's the only means I've found to understand / make sense of people - at least from my own personal point of view.
There are many reasons I eschew social media, but primarily it's due to what I've described here. Middle school represented the worst years of my life. Therefore, why embrace / waste time on something that rings true with all that ridiculousness?
Christians are called to live "quiet lives". I'm in sync - wholeheartedly - with that approach, but keep in mind that there are venues where men are expected to be as direct and in your face as they feel lead to be. And, of course, you know of one option to you here in the Jackson Metro.
Won't you join us?
Saturday, September 14, 2019
Beauty King Pastor
When I was a middle schooler, my youth pastor became a target for Rob's penchant for lust. Rick was absolutely not interested in having sex with 7th or 8th grade Rob (nor any other of his students as far as I knew), but that didn't stop me from using my hormonal-charged brain to fabricate these sexualized scenarios internally. I, in fact, relished the imagined, secretive flings and all the implied pastoral naughtiness involved. Ultimately, they served as a means for me to exploit my sexual attraction to Rick, and unfortunately, I chose to do this with depraved aplomb.
And this went on, for the most part, throughout my tenure within our church's youth ministry 'till Rick was abruptly terminated. From there, I would see him on occasion, as it wasn't too difficult for him to relocate to "the baptist church across town".
Seemingly harmless sexualization, right? Keep in mind that I was only in middle school.
Of course not. There is nothing harmless about sin. Especially sexual sin which is specifically against (young) man's body.
-------------------------
Pastors minister to people. They do this by leading, teaching, counseling, and so forth. Sometimes this is accomplished from a (physical) platform or perhaps, at times, one on one. There's an air of service that exists with every good pastor. It's an expectation we all have for them as men, and without it, usually serves as the linchpin in their demise. Therefore, pastors typically choose to never shun or discount anyone within the confines of the church (if not otherwise). It's simply not to be in their ministerial DNA.
So, what if this guy (pastor as described) is exceedingly sexually attractive, and that serves as the physical package parishioners are faced with on the surface? What if his build, face, and voice all extol attributes of masculine beauty? Is that a virtue or curse to the parishioners? Or does it matter at all?
And do remember that some of the most notable Bible characters were very good looking men. Think Saul and David to name a few.
-------------------------
Within Samson Society, I've cycled through 2 Silases and am now onto my third. The first two were cross pollinating friendships (we were Silases to each other), whereas 3.0 is not. But, number 3 is also more along the lines of a brotherhood. This man's value system is wired almost identically to my own. Therefore, we both imagine (& hope for) more of a long-term friendship than most Samson Society Silases experience.
One unique feature of our friendship is Silas 3.0's physical presence. He's one of these guys who draws envious looks whilst entering a crowded room, yet isn't self-aware of that on any level. I've observed him while introducing him to friends of mine (outside of Samson), taking note of how respected his presence commands due to his handsomeness.
For me, the aforementioned brotherhood piece typically counteracts my being tempted to revere him similarly, but I must admit that there are times (in certain settings with him) when I'm amazingly reminded of how much influence physical beauty can command.
-------------------------
And all of this leads me here.
There's no doubt that photography has greatly influenced how we see and what we value as human beings. In the not too distant past, photos / videos weren't digital, therefore they were relegated to a select number of "means of distribution". Today however, they're everywhere. All the time. Giving us opportunity to consume imagery at an unprecedented pace.
And everyone knows, looking at photographic imagery takes much less brain power than reading or writing. In fact, doing so for most people is considerably relaxing. Therefore, the more, the better, right? Who's not into effectively relaxing?
At First Baptist Church Jackson (my home church), my pastor during the 1980s, Dr. Frank Pollard, preached 3 sermons most Sunday mornings. He was an amazingly effective conduit for the gospel of Jesus Christ, and at that time, pastor of one of the largest Southern Baptist churches within the Southeastern United States. Dr. Pollard was not an impressive specimen physically. He'd played baseball in college, and had retained his slim physique within his later years, but otherwise, he was just another average-sized looking / built man.
If you were to compare his physical build / presence though to my aforementioned youth pastor, there was no comparison.
And back then, I believe, parishioners felt more comfortable with pastors that looked / behaved like Frank much moreso than pastors who looked / behaved like Rick. In other words, Rick was the exception.
-------------------------
Today, the largest church in Mississippi is not far from where we live. This past week, I was at the Y working out, yet I could not help but overhear a conversation taking place adjacent to where I was doing floor stretches. The dialogue was between a middle-aged man and a younger couple, and the topic was the pastor of this megachurch as well as the church itself (service times, ministries, etc.). So, as you might imagine, it piqued my interest.
A few months back, I was in Wal-Mart perusing the produce when a very handsome man caught my attention. And when I say very handsome man, I'm referring to underwear model handsome.
And then I realized who it was.
The man was dressed way too casually to be the pastor of the largest church in our state, but nonetheless, there he was in his workout clothes. And as you might imagine, this attire did a fine job of extolling his sculpted physique there amidst his fellow shoppers (including me).
Of course, I couldn't help but think back to Dr. Frank Pollard. And that's when I started to get angry.
-------------------------
There's no doubt that physical beauty is a gift from God, and like every gift, it should be used only for his glory. That being said though, I'm one to urge caution / skepticism when encountering it within the pastorate.
The conversation at the Y that I overhead was flush with mancrush for this pastor. The older gentlemen positioned himself as if he was the man's bestest friend based on the level of personal trust his commentary rang of. And maybe that amount of reverence was deserved, but I can't help but question what that situation might have looked like were the pastor not a beauty king.
We are a people wired by our culture's obsession with photographic imagery. And those same persons make up the western church today. There's no differentiating us from everyone else. The same amount of social media is consumed, television is watched, and Internet porn is masturbated to.
And it is programming us to elevate what we see with our own two eyes far beyond where we were back in the analog days.
In the past, I believe men were certainly given credit where credit's due for their physical looks. Today though, they're elevated / revered (words I doled out earlier), and this is very stupid indeed.
Firstly, sexy physiques must be maintained. And this is no easy feat. As far as I know, sexy underwear model pastor competes in Iron Man triathlons year after year in order to "stay fit".
That's an awful lot of pressure.
Secondly, our eyes are the absolute worst judges of character and sincerity. They are so easy to deceive. And very few of us are at all knowledgeable to this. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks upon the heart.
Take it from a man who's struggled with homosexual desire all of his life. When it comes to what truly counts in a man of the cloth, it isn't looks. What counts is integrity, genuineness, and faith. So much so that even if the physical package makes you slightly weak in the knees, never back down on maintaining a clear, level head as you vet his teaching through God's word and the theology of the church he represents.
And please, for goodness sakes, don't be like I was. Sure, it's okay to be sexually attracted to someone, whether they're a pastor or not, but absolutely do not act on those attractions within your mind. And if you cannot resist that temptation, do your soul a favor and find another church home.
And this went on, for the most part, throughout my tenure within our church's youth ministry 'till Rick was abruptly terminated. From there, I would see him on occasion, as it wasn't too difficult for him to relocate to "the baptist church across town".
Seemingly harmless sexualization, right? Keep in mind that I was only in middle school.
Of course not. There is nothing harmless about sin. Especially sexual sin which is specifically against (young) man's body.
-------------------------
Pastors minister to people. They do this by leading, teaching, counseling, and so forth. Sometimes this is accomplished from a (physical) platform or perhaps, at times, one on one. There's an air of service that exists with every good pastor. It's an expectation we all have for them as men, and without it, usually serves as the linchpin in their demise. Therefore, pastors typically choose to never shun or discount anyone within the confines of the church (if not otherwise). It's simply not to be in their ministerial DNA.
So, what if this guy (pastor as described) is exceedingly sexually attractive, and that serves as the physical package parishioners are faced with on the surface? What if his build, face, and voice all extol attributes of masculine beauty? Is that a virtue or curse to the parishioners? Or does it matter at all?
And do remember that some of the most notable Bible characters were very good looking men. Think Saul and David to name a few.
-------------------------
Within Samson Society, I've cycled through 2 Silases and am now onto my third. The first two were cross pollinating friendships (we were Silases to each other), whereas 3.0 is not. But, number 3 is also more along the lines of a brotherhood. This man's value system is wired almost identically to my own. Therefore, we both imagine (& hope for) more of a long-term friendship than most Samson Society Silases experience.
One unique feature of our friendship is Silas 3.0's physical presence. He's one of these guys who draws envious looks whilst entering a crowded room, yet isn't self-aware of that on any level. I've observed him while introducing him to friends of mine (outside of Samson), taking note of how respected his presence commands due to his handsomeness.
For me, the aforementioned brotherhood piece typically counteracts my being tempted to revere him similarly, but I must admit that there are times (in certain settings with him) when I'm amazingly reminded of how much influence physical beauty can command.
-------------------------
And all of this leads me here.
There's no doubt that photography has greatly influenced how we see and what we value as human beings. In the not too distant past, photos / videos weren't digital, therefore they were relegated to a select number of "means of distribution". Today however, they're everywhere. All the time. Giving us opportunity to consume imagery at an unprecedented pace.
And everyone knows, looking at photographic imagery takes much less brain power than reading or writing. In fact, doing so for most people is considerably relaxing. Therefore, the more, the better, right? Who's not into effectively relaxing?
At First Baptist Church Jackson (my home church), my pastor during the 1980s, Dr. Frank Pollard, preached 3 sermons most Sunday mornings. He was an amazingly effective conduit for the gospel of Jesus Christ, and at that time, pastor of one of the largest Southern Baptist churches within the Southeastern United States. Dr. Pollard was not an impressive specimen physically. He'd played baseball in college, and had retained his slim physique within his later years, but otherwise, he was just another average-sized looking / built man.
If you were to compare his physical build / presence though to my aforementioned youth pastor, there was no comparison.
And back then, I believe, parishioners felt more comfortable with pastors that looked / behaved like Frank much moreso than pastors who looked / behaved like Rick. In other words, Rick was the exception.
-------------------------
Today, the largest church in Mississippi is not far from where we live. This past week, I was at the Y working out, yet I could not help but overhear a conversation taking place adjacent to where I was doing floor stretches. The dialogue was between a middle-aged man and a younger couple, and the topic was the pastor of this megachurch as well as the church itself (service times, ministries, etc.). So, as you might imagine, it piqued my interest.
A few months back, I was in Wal-Mart perusing the produce when a very handsome man caught my attention. And when I say very handsome man, I'm referring to underwear model handsome.
And then I realized who it was.
The man was dressed way too casually to be the pastor of the largest church in our state, but nonetheless, there he was in his workout clothes. And as you might imagine, this attire did a fine job of extolling his sculpted physique there amidst his fellow shoppers (including me).
Of course, I couldn't help but think back to Dr. Frank Pollard. And that's when I started to get angry.
-------------------------
There's no doubt that physical beauty is a gift from God, and like every gift, it should be used only for his glory. That being said though, I'm one to urge caution / skepticism when encountering it within the pastorate.
The conversation at the Y that I overhead was flush with mancrush for this pastor. The older gentlemen positioned himself as if he was the man's bestest friend based on the level of personal trust his commentary rang of. And maybe that amount of reverence was deserved, but I can't help but question what that situation might have looked like were the pastor not a beauty king.
We are a people wired by our culture's obsession with photographic imagery. And those same persons make up the western church today. There's no differentiating us from everyone else. The same amount of social media is consumed, television is watched, and Internet porn is masturbated to.
And it is programming us to elevate what we see with our own two eyes far beyond where we were back in the analog days.
In the past, I believe men were certainly given credit where credit's due for their physical looks. Today though, they're elevated / revered (words I doled out earlier), and this is very stupid indeed.
Firstly, sexy physiques must be maintained. And this is no easy feat. As far as I know, sexy underwear model pastor competes in Iron Man triathlons year after year in order to "stay fit".
That's an awful lot of pressure.
Secondly, our eyes are the absolute worst judges of character and sincerity. They are so easy to deceive. And very few of us are at all knowledgeable to this. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks upon the heart.
Take it from a man who's struggled with homosexual desire all of his life. When it comes to what truly counts in a man of the cloth, it isn't looks. What counts is integrity, genuineness, and faith. So much so that even if the physical package makes you slightly weak in the knees, never back down on maintaining a clear, level head as you vet his teaching through God's word and the theology of the church he represents.
And please, for goodness sakes, don't be like I was. Sure, it's okay to be sexually attracted to someone, whether they're a pastor or not, but absolutely do not act on those attractions within your mind. And if you cannot resist that temptation, do your soul a favor and find another church home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)