The first pastor I closely befriended was 3 or 4 years older than I. I felt compelled to share my story with him at our initial juncture (over lunch at Primos restaurant) and subsequently, extend a hand of friendship. I was delighted that he reciprocated relative to the latter. From there, we quickly grew close over a +/-18 month period 'till circumstantially, the friendship fizzled out. To be more specific, he was beginning to experience serious issues at home, and from there chose to refocus. I was saddened to see him bias all of his relational energies there.
During the thick of our friendship, he and I read through The Screwtape Letters, and it was during that process that I was enlightened to some of his own personal failings. In turn, I began to probe by asking questions and in turn receive candid responses, and this grew into such an enriching experience - taken from the standpoint that he was a pastor! It was not unlike having a newfound, very well respected big brother in whom to study / learn from. As a result of all of this, I do remember being shocked at his revelation of choosing to fornicate as a teen. This was one of the most heartrending confessions I could have imagined coming from him as he was such the devout man during the time that I had the privilege of knowing him.
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As a high school student, I was excited to see one of my dad's bosses' daughters enrolling as a new student at the private academy I attended. She was a year or so older than I, and though very petite, a strikingly beautiful 17 year old.
The quarterback of our academy's football team (& also a high GPA student), whom she eventually began to date, had everything going for him. He was undoubtedly the Big Man on Campus despite being humble to boot, and such the clean cut guy. How shocked I was to see the two of them abruptly married due to the fact that there was an unexpected baby on the way.
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Samson Society men typically have their entire stories drawn out (personally narrated) over time. It's a beautiful experience to be privy to, and having the tenure I'm privileged to have, I've heard numerous personal accounts. Based on what I've observed over the past 5 years, so many of these men became sexually active as teens. So many. And in turn, abortions often occurred. Terrible regrets and so many emotional scars, as a result of fornication, literally pile up within my mind as I think back and quantify this trend. But, it's also true to me that, it's not just Samson Society men who share this narrative of fornication. It's almost every man I meet.
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I can vividly recall television programming during my childhood addressing the topic of fornication by disregarding it completely as any sort of Biblically-defined sin. I can also recall as a young man rubbing shoulders with shack-up church attendees who were unaware that the Bible even called fornication out as such. Considering both of these, obviously the former had made quite the impact on the latter.
I know of some Christian men who fornicated with their girlfriends for years prior to marrying, all under the guise of rebelling out of spite towards parents who "refused to allow them to marry".
Let's examine the difficulty and pragmatism behind this societal epidemic which in no way coalescences with God's will.
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Firstly, why dub fornication as an epidemic?
Parenthood, the 1989 Ron Howard film, characterized abortion as a necessity for overworked, undersexed parents who surprisingly find themselves pregnant (again). The comedic narrative of the film took a blatant turn when this commentary was introduced within the screenplay, and so many, like myself, were absolutely blindsided to see the actors feed these particular lies to us onscreen amidst the vomit, diarrhea and dildo jokes.
Abortion does not exist / thrive on the needs of suburban families with 2.5 children. It exists due to the prevalence of fornication. No matter how much Hollywood film studios might want us to believe otherwise.
If fornication ceases to exist, the need for abortion, in turn, ceases to be.
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According to science, men are physiologically at their sexual peak at the age of 18. To me, this means we are most fertile at that age due to the quantity and health of the sperm our testes produce as well as the efficiency of delivering those sperm via our genitalia.
I've been told that a man's mind is his strongest sexual organ, and in the past, that sounded like truth, but from a pragmatic standpoint, the mind is in no way a male sex organ.
So what then convinces a man to abandon his faith / character / ideals / rationale and participate in fornication?
Is it simply because he's somehow privy to the fact that it feels really, really good? Is it due to his need to behave out of rebellion? Is is truly some sort of rite of passage into manhood?
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I recently spent time with a new friend who shared with me that he only chose women to fornicate with who he was willing to have a child with. And based on the particulars of his story, he fornicated with what sounded like an entire harem of potential "mothers to his children".
Could it be that some men's very identity as men is somehow never accomplished / fully realized 'till they potentially fertilize a waiting egg within a woman's Fallopian tube?
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Bareback sex is the hottest trend within gay pornography. The most "acclaimed" gay porn studios pay huge sums of money to those who'll participate in sodomy sans a condom in front of a camera, and even moreso to those men who'll ejaculate sans pulling their penis out of their lover's rectum.
Sodomy is a distortion of vaginal intercourse. The vagina is designed to be pummeled by the penis 'till eventually pumped full of semen at climax. Semen which just happens to be teeming with sperm. Men who aren't sexually attracted to women transpose this sexual act onto other men. It's as simple as that. Believe me, I speak from experience.
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Do you know how many men refuse to embrace sterility via the simplistic, outpatient vasectomy? Or, are you privy to those men who've traveled to Houston, TX to have the vasectomy procedure reversed? What about the men who were either born sterile or perhaps became as such due to some life event. Have you ever met one of those guys? What is it about being able to impregnate a female with one's sex organs?
A man's scrotum is no doubt the least attractive, seemingly afterthoughtish body part that he has. It's like a giant, hairy skin tag hanging between his legs. No woman (or man for that matter) has ever sized up a naked dude and said, "Damn, your nutsack is spectacular!".
Talk to any guy though, and he's aware of it, most of the time. Physically, at least. What's he's not privy to though, I believe, is how those testes do impact his understanding of himself as a man.
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Talk to most men about their personal fornication narrative, and they'll do so through a wry smile. My pastor friend may have even done this (his disclosure relative to fornication was done via email). I find this not to be the case because the sex was really good, but because something was accomplished through that sex act. Something that resonated with their deep seated need to be validated as men.
Our genitals are designed to impregnate women. We have the means to create life through vaginal intercourse, and by doing so, we gain access to the most intimate, pleasurable physical experience on planet Earth. That being the build up and release of semen from the tip of our penises.
Women enjoy intercourse, but no women feels ejaculate filling up their sex organs during a man's climax. In fact, were it not for the man's full-bodied emotional pronouncement of climax (groaning and moaning), she'd never know he'd reached it. My point here is that women gain no more physical pleasure from semen entering their bodies, therefore they feel no more womanly as a result. That's not the case for men. Something intensely relevant is happening during those moments for a guy. It's a relevancy that needs to be better grappled with, named and drawn out in order for us to better pass along our own fornication tales to younger men / boys. Tales which hopefully will educate the next generation as to the why we as men are drawn - from so many angles - towards fornication. Physically and emotionally.
Our stories, even those that we may be most ashamed to admit to, enlighten and ultimately protect those we love. And this is oftentimes protection from their own very innate, masculine selves which don't necessarily need to be tamed or neutered but simply UNDERSTOOD better. We can help with that.
And lastly dear reader, keep in mind that I myself am a product of fornication.
Lagniappe
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