If you have the privilege of being a husband to a wife, her role in your life will no doubt either promote or work against interdependence. A complementarian view of marriage is what I'm basing my thoughts on here with interdependence being the end goal.
If a man is drawn towards being involved in an authentic community like Samson Society, he must have a wife who's in agreement with this. If her opinion of Samson Society ever wavers, that's going to present a problem.
Involvement in Samson Society is going to provoke change within the husband via the power of the Holy Spirit. It's also going to force the man to face parts of himself that he'd rather not. Undoubtedly, there'll be no way for him to do this without taking his relationship with his wife into account at present, her role in his life, their collective story, etc.
She's going to sense this provocation and from there, going to be forced to do something with it, and that doing will likely be in line with how she's operated within her husband's life in the past.
Old habits die hard. Whether they're good or bad.
This can get especially complicated when the man's wife is not within any sort of healthy Christian community herself. Hence, the marriage is now lopsided with one party heavily influenced by outsiders and the work they're attempting to do via the Holy Spirit's leading.
One thing I attempt to do with many of the men whom darken the door of the Lakeside Pres Samson Society is soon thereafter invite both he (if he's a husband) and his wife to our home for dinner. I find that this can serve her well relative to hearing our story (mine & Angie's) firsthand and having an opportunity to ask any questions of us in real time.
Ultimately, our wives play an enormous role in our recovery, and yes, there are times when her lack of buy in of Samson Society should most definitively trump her husband's. Husbands need wives to look with them at heady decisions like committing to a men's ministry such as Samson Society.
Thanks be to God for our wives!
Weekly meetings available to you are as follows:
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, Foundry Church - 3010 Lakeland Cove, Flowood. Call Matt Flint at (601) 260-8518 or email him at matthewflint.makes@gmail.com or Lance Bowser at (601) 862-8308 or email at lancebowser@msi-inv.com.
Wednesday at 6:00 PM, First Baptist Church Jackson - Summit Counseling Suite - 431 North State St. Jackson. Call Don Waller at 601-946-1290 or email him at don@wallerbros.com.
Monday at 6:30 PM , Vertical Church - 521 Gluckstadt Road Madison, MS 39110. Mr. Roane Hunter, facilitator, LifeWorks Counseling.
Sunday night at 6:00 PM, Grace Crossing Baptist Church - 598 Yandell Rd. Canton. Call Joe McCalman at 769-567-6195 or email him at cookandnoonie@gmail.com.
Saturday, April 13, 2019
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
"The Be-Back-Bus Never Comes Back"
After my freshman year of college, I had the good fortune of selling Chrysler / Plymouth automobiles at a local dealership in Jackson. Unbelievably, this lasted for the entire summer prior to me returning to Mississippi State in the fall for my sophomore year. I landed this job as a courtesy more than anything else due to the fact that my parents had just a few months prior purchased my 1991 Plymouth Laser there.
The New Car Sales Manager would often cite the phrase that I titled this blog post with, all the while believing there were never any second chances to make a sale.
I felt his approach wasn't best, therefore when I spoke to shoppers, I tried to remember to educate them firstly and hope that at some point in the (near) future, they might trust me enough to buy. Too, I was an automobile aficionado which gave me plenty to draw on whilst answering questions about both the vehicles we were looking at as well as those they were likely comparing these vehicles to. This also made for times when I knew our products simply weren't up to snuff to the competition, therefore I chose to not shy away from the truth.
Better to make a long-term connection built on trust than a short-term connection built on showmanship. That's how I chose to sell cars.
Remember too, I was only 19 at the time, (very) nondescript, and not dependent on my sales commissions to put bread on the table to feed my family. Therefore, laid back was not hard for Rob to be.
What I did find to my surprise was that the Be-Back-Bus did sometimes return, and usually when it did, they were sold. These were delightful occasions because it confirmed that my approach did have merit with some, therefore it was obvious to me that I'd earned enough of the customer's trust for them to return and ask for Rob!
Each facilitator of a Metro Jackson Samson Society group is not unlike what I described my young self to be whilst selling automobiles decades ago. Hence, they're in it for you, when you're ready to take up the mantle and lean into community. You might wonder why there are 5 metro Jackson Samson Society groups. The answer to that is each facilitator is distinct in his persona as well as each facility / venue. Plus, each of us have been markedly matured by the Samson Society ministry and subsequently in turn felt lead to approach our home churches about hosting a local group.
I've also had the privilege of seeing men who've long been out of the Samson community make a decision to return. Talk about an endorsement! Perhaps you're one of those men who needs to reconsider walking alone within this world of woe prior to choosing to return to Samson Society.
The New Car Sales Manager would often cite the phrase that I titled this blog post with, all the while believing there were never any second chances to make a sale.
I felt his approach wasn't best, therefore when I spoke to shoppers, I tried to remember to educate them firstly and hope that at some point in the (near) future, they might trust me enough to buy. Too, I was an automobile aficionado which gave me plenty to draw on whilst answering questions about both the vehicles we were looking at as well as those they were likely comparing these vehicles to. This also made for times when I knew our products simply weren't up to snuff to the competition, therefore I chose to not shy away from the truth.
Better to make a long-term connection built on trust than a short-term connection built on showmanship. That's how I chose to sell cars.
Remember too, I was only 19 at the time, (very) nondescript, and not dependent on my sales commissions to put bread on the table to feed my family. Therefore, laid back was not hard for Rob to be.
What I did find to my surprise was that the Be-Back-Bus did sometimes return, and usually when it did, they were sold. These were delightful occasions because it confirmed that my approach did have merit with some, therefore it was obvious to me that I'd earned enough of the customer's trust for them to return and ask for Rob!
Each facilitator of a Metro Jackson Samson Society group is not unlike what I described my young self to be whilst selling automobiles decades ago. Hence, they're in it for you, when you're ready to take up the mantle and lean into community. You might wonder why there are 5 metro Jackson Samson Society groups. The answer to that is each facilitator is distinct in his persona as well as each facility / venue. Plus, each of us have been markedly matured by the Samson Society ministry and subsequently in turn felt lead to approach our home churches about hosting a local group.
I've also had the privilege of seeing men who've long been out of the Samson community make a decision to return. Talk about an endorsement! Perhaps you're one of those men who needs to reconsider walking alone within this world of woe prior to choosing to return to Samson Society.
Friday, April 5, 2019
"Your nostrils are HUGE."
This is what my wife exclaimed to me as I coddled her head in my lap on the couch decades ago. I replied by thanking her for pointing that out to me. There was no doubt in my mind that she was correct, though I'd never had the opportunity to observe my honker from that particular angle thereby verifying her adjudication.
I have a Hampton nose, genetically passed down from my mom's dad. Let's just say that it's distinct enough that I said a number of prayers during my wife's three pregnancies relative to said offspring NOT inheriting it.
But, without it, I wouldn't have the singing ability I have. You may not realize this, but if you're prone to sing, an awful lot of that quality can be accounted for due to your nasal passages working in tandem with your mouth / throat. To prove this point to yourself (for those of you who are vocalists), simply try singing with your nose pinched.
Despite the fact that neither of my three daughters have their father's nose, they do have 50% of my genetic material (or something like that). Hence, I know my responsibility to them to parent in light of that fact.
What does it mean to parent a child?
I think initially you must come to grips with the fact that this is your child. Not a sibling. Not a pet. A child. Therefore, this is, whether you like it or not, your legacy on this Earth carried forward. Secondly, I believe you must own your role in their life as so much more than guardian (food, clothing, shelter), and thirdly, you have to put yourself in their shoes to the best of your ability. Consider their needs by doing so, in particular, their need to be emotionally pursued. Not badgered. Not policed. Pursued.
What exactly does that look like?
For those of you who shudder at the notion of pursuing another human being - except within a romantic relationship - consider the Silas role within the Samson Society paradigm as a starting point. Learning to walk closely next to a friend takes work, especially from the standpoint of being vulnerable regarding your own point of view / past mistakes. Too, there's no instruction manual when it comes to men's hearts. You do the best you can, remaining faithful to the friendship along the way.
What's comforting though is similar to a parent / child relationship, there's a formal structure there that you're working inside of. A structure which is bigger than just the two of you (typically). And that structure is stable enough for both of you to relate and listen and debate and love.
I have carried forward so many hard-to-get-a-handle-on skills from Samson Society to my own life. You can too. All the more reason to invest in yourself by being involved and committed to this ministry.
I have a Hampton nose, genetically passed down from my mom's dad. Let's just say that it's distinct enough that I said a number of prayers during my wife's three pregnancies relative to said offspring NOT inheriting it.
But, without it, I wouldn't have the singing ability I have. You may not realize this, but if you're prone to sing, an awful lot of that quality can be accounted for due to your nasal passages working in tandem with your mouth / throat. To prove this point to yourself (for those of you who are vocalists), simply try singing with your nose pinched.
Despite the fact that neither of my three daughters have their father's nose, they do have 50% of my genetic material (or something like that). Hence, I know my responsibility to them to parent in light of that fact.
What does it mean to parent a child?
I think initially you must come to grips with the fact that this is your child. Not a sibling. Not a pet. A child. Therefore, this is, whether you like it or not, your legacy on this Earth carried forward. Secondly, I believe you must own your role in their life as so much more than guardian (food, clothing, shelter), and thirdly, you have to put yourself in their shoes to the best of your ability. Consider their needs by doing so, in particular, their need to be emotionally pursued. Not badgered. Not policed. Pursued.
What exactly does that look like?
For those of you who shudder at the notion of pursuing another human being - except within a romantic relationship - consider the Silas role within the Samson Society paradigm as a starting point. Learning to walk closely next to a friend takes work, especially from the standpoint of being vulnerable regarding your own point of view / past mistakes. Too, there's no instruction manual when it comes to men's hearts. You do the best you can, remaining faithful to the friendship along the way.
What's comforting though is similar to a parent / child relationship, there's a formal structure there that you're working inside of. A structure which is bigger than just the two of you (typically). And that structure is stable enough for both of you to relate and listen and debate and love.
I have carried forward so many hard-to-get-a-handle-on skills from Samson Society to my own life. You can too. All the more reason to invest in yourself by being involved and committed to this ministry.
Thursday, April 4, 2019
Escape! vs Stand your ground!
On the cusp of each new iteration of photographic entertainment - delivery, formatting, etc. is sexualized imagery. This is so because we want it served up within a socially acceptable (normalized, convenient, customizable) delivery method in light of the fact that we know it instinctively to be wrong, and we are always enthralled with novelty (the new thang).
Lust is wrong; human beings don't go into heat like animals. But when we lust, it offers a tantalizing escape (high) from our present circumstances - whatever those may be. Salacious photographic entertainment is the drive thru of lust. Acceptable and convenient. It's an escape on steroids.
Drive-thrus are stupid (stupid is a verb) when you put some thought into what they represent for us as a people, but restaurants install them because they'll just about do anything (normalized, convenient, customizable) to fatten their wallets. Food designed to be consumed whilst driving is socially acceptable but ridiculously contradicting to what food truly represents for us as human beings.
Escape! Escape! Escape!
I would argue that food from drive thrus is not unlike eating packaged animal feed. Animals are supposed to eat what God intended for them to eat in lieu of manufactured pellets. Humans are meant to escape and enjoy sexuality but only when it's rightly executed within the marriage bed. As I said earlier, it's wrong to lust. We all know these things. It's just common sense. We are not animals.
Ask yourself: Are your present circumstances really so that you're willing to fall prey to normalized societal stupidity by escaping into photographic lust? Even though you know intrinsically that it's wrong?
Would you eat some deliciously manufactured Alpo just because you're hungry, it's convenient, and it's the red-blooded male right of passage?
Firstly, look hard at what you're circumstances are if you do decide to repent, and from there, align yourself with other men who can assist you in resisting what you've always known was wrong (despite being acceptable to society) but never had the will (or desire) to walk away from.
It is very hard to adjudicate salacious photographic entertainment for what it really is, but especially so under certain individual circumstances. Therefore, remember to give yourself a break, if need be.
May we all become nauseated at the smell of Alpo and ever suspect of those who manufacture and package it out of respect for what we know and choose to live out rightly.
Stand your ground! Stand your ground! Stand your ground!
Lust is wrong; human beings don't go into heat like animals. But when we lust, it offers a tantalizing escape (high) from our present circumstances - whatever those may be. Salacious photographic entertainment is the drive thru of lust. Acceptable and convenient. It's an escape on steroids.
Drive-thrus are stupid (stupid is a verb) when you put some thought into what they represent for us as a people, but restaurants install them because they'll just about do anything (normalized, convenient, customizable) to fatten their wallets. Food designed to be consumed whilst driving is socially acceptable but ridiculously contradicting to what food truly represents for us as human beings.
Escape! Escape! Escape!
I would argue that food from drive thrus is not unlike eating packaged animal feed. Animals are supposed to eat what God intended for them to eat in lieu of manufactured pellets. Humans are meant to escape and enjoy sexuality but only when it's rightly executed within the marriage bed. As I said earlier, it's wrong to lust. We all know these things. It's just common sense. We are not animals.
Ask yourself: Are your present circumstances really so that you're willing to fall prey to normalized societal stupidity by escaping into photographic lust? Even though you know intrinsically that it's wrong?
Would you eat some deliciously manufactured Alpo just because you're hungry, it's convenient, and it's the red-blooded male right of passage?
Firstly, look hard at what you're circumstances are if you do decide to repent, and from there, align yourself with other men who can assist you in resisting what you've always known was wrong (despite being acceptable to society) but never had the will (or desire) to walk away from.
It is very hard to adjudicate salacious photographic entertainment for what it really is, but especially so under certain individual circumstances. Therefore, remember to give yourself a break, if need be.
May we all become nauseated at the smell of Alpo and ever suspect of those who manufacture and package it out of respect for what we know and choose to live out rightly.
Stand your ground! Stand your ground! Stand your ground!
Monday, April 1, 2019
You're going to be needing a Silas (whilst being willing to serve as one as well)
The most important component of Samson Society is the Silas. This is another man whom is tasked with taking the risk to serve you with a long-term view for what may turn out to be a short-term friendship. And that's the best definition I can come up with after having the privilege of serving a number of men along the way.
Back in early 2014, before the Lord had enlightened me to the Samson Society here in Jackson, I found myself within a local men's parachurch organization desperate for help. My heart had been shattered into what felt like a billion pieces at that time, and I was friendless - at least in terms of authentic friends.
During a retreat that I'd attended with this ministry, I was given the opportunity to tell my story which I did in gut-wrenching detail, and from there, I was asked what I "needed" at that point in time by one of the counselors present. Immediately, I asked for "one friend". And what followed was utter silence. Until one of the 30+ men spoke up and volunteered himself. That man eventually served somewhat as a segue for me into Samson Society.
Long before that event, it was as if I had been preconditioned towards the Silas concept prior to ever hearing about it, and a large part of that had to have been because I had seen tremendous personal growth via one in particular brotherly friendship.
So, why weren't there more volunteers who spoke up on that cold, February evening when I answered the question posed - "What Rob Turner do you need right now"?
The reason is no man typically wants to go at it alone. Asking one other man to bear the burdens / walk through some season of life exclusively is foreboding and even in concept (certainly in reality), very tough.
Therefore, in order to best manage that emotional responsibility, a Silas must be one who truly has the ability to endear himself to men in general. Otherwise, there's going to be absolutely nothing in it for him, and of course, that's unworkable in the long run.
Men who gravitate towards Samson Society tend to be these kind of men, therefore they're well suited to take on the role of Silas. This role which likely will require far more from them then they'll ever receive in return.
Back in early 2014, before the Lord had enlightened me to the Samson Society here in Jackson, I found myself within a local men's parachurch organization desperate for help. My heart had been shattered into what felt like a billion pieces at that time, and I was friendless - at least in terms of authentic friends.
During a retreat that I'd attended with this ministry, I was given the opportunity to tell my story which I did in gut-wrenching detail, and from there, I was asked what I "needed" at that point in time by one of the counselors present. Immediately, I asked for "one friend". And what followed was utter silence. Until one of the 30+ men spoke up and volunteered himself. That man eventually served somewhat as a segue for me into Samson Society.
Long before that event, it was as if I had been preconditioned towards the Silas concept prior to ever hearing about it, and a large part of that had to have been because I had seen tremendous personal growth via one in particular brotherly friendship.
So, why weren't there more volunteers who spoke up on that cold, February evening when I answered the question posed - "What Rob Turner do you need right now"?
The reason is no man typically wants to go at it alone. Asking one other man to bear the burdens / walk through some season of life exclusively is foreboding and even in concept (certainly in reality), very tough.
Therefore, in order to best manage that emotional responsibility, a Silas must be one who truly has the ability to endear himself to men in general. Otherwise, there's going to be absolutely nothing in it for him, and of course, that's unworkable in the long run.
Men who gravitate towards Samson Society tend to be these kind of men, therefore they're well suited to take on the role of Silas. This role which likely will require far more from them then they'll ever receive in return.
Sunday, March 31, 2019
"What will people think?"
Realistically speaking, they're not going to spend any length of time sizing up your situation because, like yourself, they spend 99.9% of their time consumed with themselves.
Therefore, go ahead and invest in your passions, speak up about the hard subject matters, pursue unrealistic milestones, and involve yourself with people that you'll likely never truly become completely comfortable with.
The Enemy's lie is that your value / security is somehow vested in others' opinion of you. That's ridiculous. Your value is in Christ through his atonement and grace, but too, your primary focus as a Christian should be on the value you place on God himself and your knowledge / faith in him.
If you must be concerned with what someone thinks of you, consider being obedient to God, and pray that everyone around will follow suit...if they do choose to notice you.
Therefore, go ahead and invest in your passions, speak up about the hard subject matters, pursue unrealistic milestones, and involve yourself with people that you'll likely never truly become completely comfortable with.
The Enemy's lie is that your value / security is somehow vested in others' opinion of you. That's ridiculous. Your value is in Christ through his atonement and grace, but too, your primary focus as a Christian should be on the value you place on God himself and your knowledge / faith in him.
If you must be concerned with what someone thinks of you, consider being obedient to God, and pray that everyone around will follow suit...if they do choose to notice you.
Friday, March 29, 2019
$ clip
During the era of '80s excess, a trend in men's accessories was the infamous money clip. Oftentimes it was fabricated from heavy gauge sheet metal. The ones I remember were brass or stainless steel. Money clips were an unnecessary, ostentatious way to carry cash around in your pants pocket in lieu of keeping it (or all of it) in your wallet. From there, at a point of purchase, you'd be given the opportunity to remove your money clip from your pocket, displaying those folded greenbacks to whomever was there to see, prior to paying up.
Money clips didn't function without a fairly thick wad of cash on hand. It wasn't like you could only clip one single bill in place. Typically, the design of the clip was such that it was really only suitable for 3/8" to 1/4" of folded currency.
Within the 2019 world we live in, we as men are no less considered worthwhile or valued by how much cash we have on hand at any given moment. Hence, so many guys pursue monetary wealth with a vengeance, doing anything they can to earn as much as quickly as possible. From there, they fall in line with our western culture which demands that we use a large quantity of that wealth - not to give, but to consume for ourselves as if the supply of cash will surely never run out!
Our entertainment - Internet, TV is financially underwritten by the advertisement industry. The majority of those ads are designed to coerce us to believe in the ridiculousness that I've described above.
It's an endless loop of easy to swallow lies if you bookmark it up against Scripture, therefore it is a hugely successful distraction to men everywhere. But especially to men who are looking to follow Christ.
So...
Keeping that money clip well stocked takes a lot of work. Work that's futile and oftentimes reprehensible in God's eyes because it's stealing precious, finite energy away from sanctification. Sanctification is the process that God takes men through to become more like Christ, and never, under any circumstance, has this process been achieved overnight.
Christian men should be concerned about their biggest problem: sin, if they're being sanctified.
No, you won't receive a sin statement in the US mail each month as you do for the earnings you've received within your bank account. In fact, you don't need one. You're smart enough to know where you're compromising and how long it's been going on. And of course, God knows too.
Jesus said, "Sell everything and give to the poor. Then follow me."
In other words, prioritize your soul over everything else, prior to allowing the faith imbued within you to point the way forward. That's the truth relative to what this life is all about.
Money clips didn't function without a fairly thick wad of cash on hand. It wasn't like you could only clip one single bill in place. Typically, the design of the clip was such that it was really only suitable for 3/8" to 1/4" of folded currency.
Within the 2019 world we live in, we as men are no less considered worthwhile or valued by how much cash we have on hand at any given moment. Hence, so many guys pursue monetary wealth with a vengeance, doing anything they can to earn as much as quickly as possible. From there, they fall in line with our western culture which demands that we use a large quantity of that wealth - not to give, but to consume for ourselves as if the supply of cash will surely never run out!
Our entertainment - Internet, TV is financially underwritten by the advertisement industry. The majority of those ads are designed to coerce us to believe in the ridiculousness that I've described above.
It's an endless loop of easy to swallow lies if you bookmark it up against Scripture, therefore it is a hugely successful distraction to men everywhere. But especially to men who are looking to follow Christ.
So...
Keeping that money clip well stocked takes a lot of work. Work that's futile and oftentimes reprehensible in God's eyes because it's stealing precious, finite energy away from sanctification. Sanctification is the process that God takes men through to become more like Christ, and never, under any circumstance, has this process been achieved overnight.
Christian men should be concerned about their biggest problem: sin, if they're being sanctified.
No, you won't receive a sin statement in the US mail each month as you do for the earnings you've received within your bank account. In fact, you don't need one. You're smart enough to know where you're compromising and how long it's been going on. And of course, God knows too.
Jesus said, "Sell everything and give to the poor. Then follow me."
In other words, prioritize your soul over everything else, prior to allowing the faith imbued within you to point the way forward. That's the truth relative to what this life is all about.
Thursday, March 21, 2019
Arrogance deterrent / Humility Safe House
If you're interested in being a part of a community of men where arrogance is hard pressed to rear its ugly head, consider Samson Society.
We're no doubt all sinners, therefore our pride won't be fully defeated 'till we meet Jesus. Nonetheless, Samson Society serves as a powerful antibody to this particular sin.
There is no rank in Samson Society. No hierarchy whatsoever. There's not an appointed leader in sight, therefore what we as men typically utilize to impress or gloat with, doesn't hold water.
There are doctors, lawyers, engineers, architects, ditch diggers, pharmacists, mechanics, school teachers, etc. that take part, but none of these titles mean anything within.
Within Samson Society, you're valued and respected simply by showing up and taking part because everyone knows that doing so took effort on your part, and that effort was fueled by a need to offer / find support relative to whatever situation you might find yourself in.
We're no doubt all sinners, therefore our pride won't be fully defeated 'till we meet Jesus. Nonetheless, Samson Society serves as a powerful antibody to this particular sin.
There is no rank in Samson Society. No hierarchy whatsoever. There's not an appointed leader in sight, therefore what we as men typically utilize to impress or gloat with, doesn't hold water.
There are doctors, lawyers, engineers, architects, ditch diggers, pharmacists, mechanics, school teachers, etc. that take part, but none of these titles mean anything within.
Within Samson Society, you're valued and respected simply by showing up and taking part because everyone knows that doing so took effort on your part, and that effort was fueled by a need to offer / find support relative to whatever situation you might find yourself in.
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Short circuiting our tendencies toward codependent friendships
Ms. Rosario Butterfield is one of my favorite people. I heard her speak a few years back at First Presbyterian Church here in Jackson, MS. She's articulate and doesn't shy away from topics that can be quite politically incorrect to argue for / against.
But, when you search Scripture as diligently as she has, with that research in tow, her commentary rings true with much practicality.
My very first authentic friendship with another man - that truly began to point me towards Christ - was one that was very, very long distance. My friend was in Australia and I was here, and we corresponded electronically for about 18 months. His story was strikingly similar to my own, and due to the strength and encouragement our friendship gave me, I began to open up to other Christian men here in the Jackson metro. That opened my eyes to how incredible it was to obtain authentic friendships amongst men - especially men who were already somewhat physically present (church, neighbors, work) within my life.
This truly was a jumping off point for me.
One of the local men I befriended as a result of this newfound freedom was living a particularly thorny existence. There was all kinds of behind the scenes activity complicating things immensely within his life. I knew this immediately as he was brave enough to be absolutely transparent with me. But unfortunately, at that time, there was no Samson Society (at least here locally) for either of us to situate ourselves as Christian brothers within, therefore we clung to each other platonically for support.
Eventually, I unintentionally skewered the friendship as a result of my wanting to bring into our circle other men whom might also walk beside both of us together. In other words, I took the step of disclosing some things about my friend to some of our mutual friends in hopes he would yield to my concern that we simply shouldn't be walking with this much baggage on our own. And to be more specific, these other men were pastors, therefore they were perfectly suited to shore up our community of two - even if it was only from a distance.
Ms. Butterfield walked away from a homosexual lifestyle prior to becoming a Christian. She's written a number of books that chronicle her journey. No doubt her experience there gives her insight into codependency.
I have been involved in our local Samson Society ministry for close to 5 years and have befriended countless men as a result. What gives me resolve and peace of mind more than anything else is knowing firsthand how unworkable long-term co-dependent friendships really are due to the fact that I've tried to make them work. What I've found is men need a community of men. Jesus gathered his disciples, and they walked together. Yes, there were certainly his favorites who were in on some matters that others weren't, but overall, it wasn't Jesus and one or two other men - all the time.
I really, really like this model from a pragmatic standpoint, and find much peace knowing that it's scriptural. The icing on the cake is the fact that Samson Society falls in line with that model perfectly.
Lagniappe
But, when you search Scripture as diligently as she has, with that research in tow, her commentary rings true with much practicality.
My very first authentic friendship with another man - that truly began to point me towards Christ - was one that was very, very long distance. My friend was in Australia and I was here, and we corresponded electronically for about 18 months. His story was strikingly similar to my own, and due to the strength and encouragement our friendship gave me, I began to open up to other Christian men here in the Jackson metro. That opened my eyes to how incredible it was to obtain authentic friendships amongst men - especially men who were already somewhat physically present (church, neighbors, work) within my life.
This truly was a jumping off point for me.
One of the local men I befriended as a result of this newfound freedom was living a particularly thorny existence. There was all kinds of behind the scenes activity complicating things immensely within his life. I knew this immediately as he was brave enough to be absolutely transparent with me. But unfortunately, at that time, there was no Samson Society (at least here locally) for either of us to situate ourselves as Christian brothers within, therefore we clung to each other platonically for support.
Eventually, I unintentionally skewered the friendship as a result of my wanting to bring into our circle other men whom might also walk beside both of us together. In other words, I took the step of disclosing some things about my friend to some of our mutual friends in hopes he would yield to my concern that we simply shouldn't be walking with this much baggage on our own. And to be more specific, these other men were pastors, therefore they were perfectly suited to shore up our community of two - even if it was only from a distance.
Ms. Butterfield walked away from a homosexual lifestyle prior to becoming a Christian. She's written a number of books that chronicle her journey. No doubt her experience there gives her insight into codependency.
I have been involved in our local Samson Society ministry for close to 5 years and have befriended countless men as a result. What gives me resolve and peace of mind more than anything else is knowing firsthand how unworkable long-term co-dependent friendships really are due to the fact that I've tried to make them work. What I've found is men need a community of men. Jesus gathered his disciples, and they walked together. Yes, there were certainly his favorites who were in on some matters that others weren't, but overall, it wasn't Jesus and one or two other men - all the time.
I really, really like this model from a pragmatic standpoint, and find much peace knowing that it's scriptural. The icing on the cake is the fact that Samson Society falls in line with that model perfectly.
Lagniappe
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
Unanswered letter
Yesterday, I visited the grave of a friend from college. I did an Internet search a few weeks back, only to shockingly find his obituary. In the past 18 to 24 months, I'd found evidence online that his life had taken a very dark turn. From there, I reached out in desperation, but my letter was unanswered.
The letter detailed my own authentic story and served to introduce my friend to Samson Society.
Now, as of last November, my friend is dead. He was 46 (my age).
As I stood there over the mound of dirt, I felt as if I'd failed my friend. Especially as it relates to our college days. I remember vividly how overwhelmed I was by him, having never met someone with such charisma and zeal for life. Unfortunately, back then in 1991, I found myself discreetly backing away, citing (internal) exhaustion. But that was a lame excuse. What truly motivated me was selfishness. I simply didn't want to be bothered by his unique, effervescent, highly volatile personality. Looking back, I regret abandoning him. Especially now that he's dead and buried.
I wonder if he actually received my letter from a year or so ago, and if he did, what he thought about it. Did he despise me for such tardy care and concern?
I now have even more resolve to be intentional as a men's minister. Know this, as a Christian man, you're no less qualified than I to do the same.
Keep sending those letters - tardy or not. I know I sure am.
The letter detailed my own authentic story and served to introduce my friend to Samson Society.
Now, as of last November, my friend is dead. He was 46 (my age).
As I stood there over the mound of dirt, I felt as if I'd failed my friend. Especially as it relates to our college days. I remember vividly how overwhelmed I was by him, having never met someone with such charisma and zeal for life. Unfortunately, back then in 1991, I found myself discreetly backing away, citing (internal) exhaustion. But that was a lame excuse. What truly motivated me was selfishness. I simply didn't want to be bothered by his unique, effervescent, highly volatile personality. Looking back, I regret abandoning him. Especially now that he's dead and buried.
I wonder if he actually received my letter from a year or so ago, and if he did, what he thought about it. Did he despise me for such tardy care and concern?
I now have even more resolve to be intentional as a men's minister. Know this, as a Christian man, you're no less qualified than I to do the same.
Keep sending those letters - tardy or not. I know I sure am.
Saturday, March 9, 2019
"Are you staying busy?"
An old friend, whom I hadn't seen in some time, asked me this question earlier this week.
For anyone who's male and working full-time here in America, this is an age-old adage. Though it's framed as a question, it's a rhetorical one, therefore I see it as an adage. If you were to unwrap the question prior to reframing it, you'd end up with:
Life is a rat race, and if you're not with the program (in the race), I can't relate to you.
Men should not be lazy, but a rat race isn't what God called men to. Instead, Christ modeled intentionality with his time / motivations.
When you strength train or run or participate in any high intensity exercise program, you're intentional about it. If you participate in a Bible study or read a novel, you're intentional about it. If you dedicate yourself to a community of men, you're intentional about it. It has nothing to do with the rat race.
Being intentional takes the race out of the equation and puts God's priorities first. God wants nothing more than for men to glorify Him.
That's impossible to accomplish without a clear mindset towards intentionality.
For anyone who's male and working full-time here in America, this is an age-old adage. Though it's framed as a question, it's a rhetorical one, therefore I see it as an adage. If you were to unwrap the question prior to reframing it, you'd end up with:
Life is a rat race, and if you're not with the program (in the race), I can't relate to you.
Men should not be lazy, but a rat race isn't what God called men to. Instead, Christ modeled intentionality with his time / motivations.
When you strength train or run or participate in any high intensity exercise program, you're intentional about it. If you participate in a Bible study or read a novel, you're intentional about it. If you dedicate yourself to a community of men, you're intentional about it. It has nothing to do with the rat race.
Being intentional takes the race out of the equation and puts God's priorities first. God wants nothing more than for men to glorify Him.
That's impossible to accomplish without a clear mindset towards intentionality.
Thursday, March 7, 2019
Exposing sin / temptation within Christian community
As Christian men, we're constantly battling our propensity to sin. For many men, their method of coping with this pull is to ignore it.
Sin is an unrighteous solution to some form of fleshly desire. Christians are filled with the Holy Spirit as God's children, therefore there's definitive knowledge of righteous living that's available from the inside out.
Despite that knowledge, there's always a choice to be made as to whether sin is to be participated in. Whether it's deep inside one's mind or fully engaged with another individual.
Take for example, the fleshly desire to feel secure and safe. That desire can be placated in innumerable ways via sin, and of course, our pagan culture is here to assist!
Out of sin grows shame. At first, this is healthy shame, but once a man engages in chronic sin, the shame itself can become the problem due to the fact that it cultivates the "rationale" to isolate oneself.
Have you ever seen an animal who's been physically abused? Say, a dog? These pets tend to behave very differently than their healthier cohorts. I don't know if an animal can feel shame, but abused animals certainly know what it feels like to experience fear based on their circumstance. And when those feelings consume the natural identity within that animal, certain behaviors emerge that prove the animal's true identity has been compromised.
I clearly remember the first day I walked into a Samson Society meeting back in 2014 at First Baptist Church, Jackson. The shame relative to my sin was immense! It was as if my entire identity in Christ had been hijacked.
Now, too, I brought to the Samson table a boatload of worthlessness. Worthlessness that I'd wrestled with since I was a boy. Again, this worked against my true identity as a believer.
Jesus lived within a community of men as he ministered here on Earth. We see that chronicled within the gospels, and I believe that setting fostered his ability to be in perfect communion with his true identity as the Messiah despite the fact that he was also 100% fully human. Of course, Jesus didn't sin. Instead, he looked to his Heavenly Father to fulfill every desire he had. But, Jesus was tempted to sin, therefore he understood how pursuant to a resolve sin can look to be when men desire.
Stating firsthand one's goal to fulfill every desire in Christ / Father God certainly sounds admirable, but how do we model that today?
For Rob, Samson Society is a clearinghouse that provides me with platonic support in the midst of this pursuit. All manner of men are involved, and each speaks from his place in life as a bachelor, husband, father, brother, son, and so forth. From there, inevitably, dialogue involving temptation and sin occurs, and it's kept in strictest confidence. Every man who's willing to participate is warmly accepted. None are shirked or shunned so long as they bring their authentic selves.
This is what Jesus' disciples modeled for us.
Were they perfect in their community? Of course not. But, they were far better off walking alongside each other than on their own.
What's been made of my shame? Today, it's in proper proportion to my identity in Christ. In other words, it's healthy shame. Which means, I can actually learn from it versus being defined by it. Plus, I better understand now my desires, thanks to my involvement in Samson Society, and this in itself has given me insight into the intentional need to seek fulfillment of those desires in ways that please my Heavenly Father / align with his will.
For everyone who knows me, I relish the opportunity to talk about my sin / past failings. It's never been a waste of my time to bring failures into the light nor the continued draw towards unrighteousness in all its many shapes and forms.
I want to be the best man I can be as I serve those around me. Samson Society promotes that by resisting that god awful worthlessness within a setting that harkens back to the community of Jesus. Thanks be to God for Samson Society!
Sin is an unrighteous solution to some form of fleshly desire. Christians are filled with the Holy Spirit as God's children, therefore there's definitive knowledge of righteous living that's available from the inside out.
Despite that knowledge, there's always a choice to be made as to whether sin is to be participated in. Whether it's deep inside one's mind or fully engaged with another individual.
Take for example, the fleshly desire to feel secure and safe. That desire can be placated in innumerable ways via sin, and of course, our pagan culture is here to assist!
Out of sin grows shame. At first, this is healthy shame, but once a man engages in chronic sin, the shame itself can become the problem due to the fact that it cultivates the "rationale" to isolate oneself.
Have you ever seen an animal who's been physically abused? Say, a dog? These pets tend to behave very differently than their healthier cohorts. I don't know if an animal can feel shame, but abused animals certainly know what it feels like to experience fear based on their circumstance. And when those feelings consume the natural identity within that animal, certain behaviors emerge that prove the animal's true identity has been compromised.
I clearly remember the first day I walked into a Samson Society meeting back in 2014 at First Baptist Church, Jackson. The shame relative to my sin was immense! It was as if my entire identity in Christ had been hijacked.
Now, too, I brought to the Samson table a boatload of worthlessness. Worthlessness that I'd wrestled with since I was a boy. Again, this worked against my true identity as a believer.
Jesus lived within a community of men as he ministered here on Earth. We see that chronicled within the gospels, and I believe that setting fostered his ability to be in perfect communion with his true identity as the Messiah despite the fact that he was also 100% fully human. Of course, Jesus didn't sin. Instead, he looked to his Heavenly Father to fulfill every desire he had. But, Jesus was tempted to sin, therefore he understood how pursuant to a resolve sin can look to be when men desire.
Stating firsthand one's goal to fulfill every desire in Christ / Father God certainly sounds admirable, but how do we model that today?
For Rob, Samson Society is a clearinghouse that provides me with platonic support in the midst of this pursuit. All manner of men are involved, and each speaks from his place in life as a bachelor, husband, father, brother, son, and so forth. From there, inevitably, dialogue involving temptation and sin occurs, and it's kept in strictest confidence. Every man who's willing to participate is warmly accepted. None are shirked or shunned so long as they bring their authentic selves.
This is what Jesus' disciples modeled for us.
Were they perfect in their community? Of course not. But, they were far better off walking alongside each other than on their own.
What's been made of my shame? Today, it's in proper proportion to my identity in Christ. In other words, it's healthy shame. Which means, I can actually learn from it versus being defined by it. Plus, I better understand now my desires, thanks to my involvement in Samson Society, and this in itself has given me insight into the intentional need to seek fulfillment of those desires in ways that please my Heavenly Father / align with his will.
For everyone who knows me, I relish the opportunity to talk about my sin / past failings. It's never been a waste of my time to bring failures into the light nor the continued draw towards unrighteousness in all its many shapes and forms.
I want to be the best man I can be as I serve those around me. Samson Society promotes that by resisting that god awful worthlessness within a setting that harkens back to the community of Jesus. Thanks be to God for Samson Society!
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