Help Me Lord To Not Discriminate (See Them As Less Than) Against Divorcees

I've always subconsciously deemed divorcees as second-class citizens.  My first memory of making this adjudication occurred not long after I married (27 years ago).  Our church (First Baptist Church Jackson) hosted a Saturday morning "men's conference" at the newly constructed Hinds Community College Eagle Ridge conference center in Raymond.  I was in my mid-20s at the time.

One of the keynote speakers was Mr. Stephen Kirkpatrick, a local professional wildlife photographer.  During Mr. Kirkpatrick's short talk, he acknowledged his grieving over his (recent) divorce.  I vividly remember feeling nauseous as he admitted to this for I was (very) newly married.  

From there, he displayed his slide deck of beautiful wildlife photographs, providing commentary alongside.  I ended up leaving during the break, feeling alienated and duped, unable to see past his marital failure.

Fast forward to today.  If Mr. Nate Larkin were a divorcee, would I be as committed therein to this ministry as I currently am?  Not a chance.

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I've been told that I feel at 150%, and I believe it, though I've learned to manage this far better now than when I was younger.  

This sensitivity serves as the relational glue relative to my (over?)commitment to friendships, but at the same time, it can be the bane of my private existence.  

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Regarding Mr. Kirkpatrick, one of the first questions that came to mind is, what series of events justified the divorce?  Especially considering his obvious success, good looks, intelligence, articulation, leadership skills, and so forth.  Yet, there's no way to answer that inquiry.  It's a moot point.  Instead, I was simply forced to hold the emotional fallout (as a spectator) and do with it what I so chose.

Divorce to me equates to the ultimate unnecessary hopelessness.  Because it's a permanent failure that involves a woman (& often children), it's emotionally overwhelming to process.  

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What I don't take into account is that individuals make mistakes.  Some marry extremely difficult to love spouses.  

I also don't consider the fact that humans aren't perfect.  Especially when it comes to managing relationships.

Lastly, addiction, abuse and adultery are immediate dealbreakers relative to marriage vows.

I hate divorce.  Even though I know it's necessary in many instances.

Help me Lord to not see divorcees as less than.  It's simply not fair to them.  But also, help me to not lose my disdain for this travesty.

Attempting To Put the Kibosh On POTENTIAL Sexual Tension Within Silas Relationships (Addressing That New Script Verbiage)

Within the last (30) days, the Samson Society meeting script (available online to virtual meeting facilitators) has been updated to include some pointed language (within the part that speaks to obtaining a Silas).  

The initial iteration of that inclusion read something like this:

"The Samson Society is a place to practice nonsexual intimacy.  In order to promote the emotional growth of our members and protect spiritual health of our community, sexual communication or connection between members is prohibited.  Misconduct is addressed according to Matthew 18."

There are men who are on the hunt for relationships with other men that exist within sexual tension.  Specifically, they're looking for guys who they're sexually attracted to and vice versa, thereby generating the potential for segueing the initially platonic relationship into the sexual realm.  

When you're engaging with others online (outside of Samson Society), and this is your modus operandi, it's likely going to carry over, by default, whilst transitioning into our community.  That is, unless it's made clear up front that this MO isn't welcome.  

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I befriended a middle-aged Samson guy earlier this year who eventually made it clear - to me - that his intent aligned therein.  Keep in mind though that this was before the Samson Society meeting script change, and this man too was far more involved within other online Christian recovery ministries (most of which had already added statements like this one).   

Once this friend notified me regarding his present nurturing of a sexually tense relationship, he asked me to "hold him accountable" relative to "the integrity of their friendship".  

He described the relationship as follows:

"...in addition to that, I confess I have grown pretty infatuated with a friend I met through (other Christian men's ministry).  Like me, he has a lot of flexibility in his work and we've been able to talk a lot.  We have not done anything inappropriate, and both are committed to staying above the fray, but I confess I have been intensely attracted to him, and he to me.  I want to learn to keep this friendship but keep it safe."

He then responded accordingly to my initial (very negative) reaction:

"Rob, thank you so much for your response earlier.  I can understand why you would have such an intense reaction.  I hope you will still be my friend and keep me accountable if I continue with my friendship.  He and I have set strict boundaries of what we can talk about and what we will allow each other to see from a physical perspective.  We do need to talk about the time factor as we should limit that as well.  ...I would like to face rather than run from these feelings to understand what the real need is and be honest about that, rather than just ignore it."

Here's an excerpt from my final communication:

"I can't support you my friend, going forward, if you choose to continue with your infatuation relationship."

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This verbiage is needed / has been needed within the Samson Society meeting script for some time.  

It's Always A Good Time To Add A Covenant Eyes Ally

 

I just added Ally #3 yesterday, (6/26).  As such, this man will receive the same Covenant Eyes reports that my other - more tenured - allies receive.  

Ally #1, I very, very rarely speak to.  He's now a business owner, living in north Mississippi.  I originally befriended him via the Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society in 2017.  I too serve as his ally, receiving his Covenant Eyes reports weekly.

Ally #2 has been serving therein for over a year.  He's local which makes him unique.

Ally #3 I speak to multiple times a week.  

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I chose to add #3 off the cuff.  I'd been thinking about ditching Covenant Eyes completely, before quickly realizing how stupid a move that would be.  

One nice aside that occurred as a result of this addition is I was motivated to delete a number of hidden images / videos on my pocket computer.  Images / videos that I certainly would not want my wife / daughters to discover someday.  

Pocket computers, desktop PCs, laptops, tablets are at their worst (for Rob) when they're "private".  

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Lastly, we have Covenant Eyes installed on our daughters' devices.  I receive those subsequent reports weekly.  It's been super helpful to have this insight into what they're using their devices for.  

Covenant Eyes = Highly recommended.

"The No Bull Briefing" - June 2023 Samson Society Newsletter

 

THE NO BULL BRIEFING - June 2023

Join Us for a Texas-Sized Party! In honor of our tenth national retreat, Samson is throwing a party! Join us the first weekend in November for our annual retreat, featuring The Place We Find Ourselves podcast host Adam Young. When: November 3-5, 2023 Where: Sky Ranch in Van, Texas Bunkhouse spots are $350 Group Discount available! Bring 4 guys who have never attended a Samson retreat and receive 50% off your registration fee. Bring 8 and come for free! When you share about the summit to friends, be sure to tell them to list your name on the registration form under the field "I'm coming to the summit with." We will take care of the rest. REGISTER July 5 is Silas Appreciation Day  Give your Silas a shout out, a giftcard to their favorite store (Starbucks, Home Depot, Amazon, etc.), a special something from the Samson Swag Store, or just a personal "thank you" call to let him know how much you appreciate him being your traveling companion. Don't have a Silas? The best way we have found is to start attending meetings, then commit to the same meeting each week to develop relationships with the men there. Find a guy who you seem to connect with in that same weekly meeting and ask him to be your Silas. Aaron Visits The Addicted Mind Podcast In a world that often feels dark and heavy, Aaron reminds us of the importance of love, fun, and understanding the “person and work of Christ” in Christianity. They discuss the need to balance work and self-reflection with joy and play, and how slowing down can help us cultivate a deeper sense of self. Aaron also shares his thoughts on the power of language in shaping our identity, as well as the usefulness of tools like the Enneagram in understanding our natural tendencies. Don’t miss this engaging and insightful conversation with Aaron Porter, co-host of the Pirate Monk podcast. LISTEN Virtual Meeting Host Informational Meeting If you host a virtual Samson Society meeting, we highly encourage you to join us Tuesday, July 25 at 7 PM ET for an important informational meeting to discuss updates and steps to validate your meeting as an official Samson Society meeting. The meeting will be recorded for those who are unable to attend since vital information will be shared. REGISTER Slot Car God By Jaimie When I was little I had a slot car track. If you don’t know what that is, it was a plastic race track you put together piece by piece. It had two lanes on each piece that snapped together forming a raceway to battle an opponent head to head. One of the things I really enjoyed about this was configuring the track. If you had more than the base set you could come up with some fairly unique tracks to traverse your little electric cars through. As long as the track was all connected it would function correctly because this completed the circuit…no pun intended. Once the track was installed you would plug it into an outlet for power, connect a controller that regulated the electricity that pushed the little car that sat on the metal strips. These metal strips served two purposes, one providing electricity to power the tiny engine inside the car and two they were magnetic so they held the car on the track…in theory. My brother and I would race these cars for hours sometimes. We would try to find the sweet spot on the controller where we were providing enough power to propel the car, but not too much because that would make the car fly off the track. Truthfully, there were times we would see how far off the track the cars would go too, sometimes causing them to break. I had an epiphany recently while talking with some guys. I said that I used to view God as a cosmic being waiting for me to fly off the track like that little car. He was there waiting to tell me what I did wrong and how to get back in line, aka back on track. The reality is that He was and is the electricity in the track and I can either take the controller and try to do it myself to regulate the power or I can hand him the controller to guide my life through the twists and turns on the track in His perfect way. Not just to win the race, but also to enjoy the experiences along the way. You see I found as much joy and satisfaction in repairing a crashed car successfully as I did in racing them and beating my brother or dad was just an added bonus the few times it happened.  Trust the Heavenly Father completely to provide the power necessary to stay on track. He’s not waiting for you to fail, He’s waiting for you to give Him control so you can succeed and maybe even beat the course record. Now when I think about or do fall off the track I see God picking me up examining me for anything broken and  lovingly placing me back on the track to continue the race. Subscribe to Samson House Beginning on June 1, 2023, Samson House will be offering a low-cost subscription to all members of the Samson Society. This subscription is not mandatory. As you know, there are no dues or fees for Samson Society membership. Samson meetings — online meetings as well as local ones  —  will always be free. However, resources and services that up until now Samson House has made available at samsonsociety.com will be moved to a subscribers-only Samson House website, along with new resources. We are asking ALL current members to subscribe to SamsonHouse.org (use password NoBullBrotherhood to access this website) at the modest monthly rate of $7.95. We will be grateful if you can commit more, of course, and whatever you contribute above the small monthly subscription amount will be fully tax-deductible. JOIN SAMSON HOUSE Regional Retreat Opportunities Planning a regional Samson retreat? Let us know at samsonhouseoffice@gmail.com or drop it on the #upcoming_event channel on Slack so we can help you spread the word! Come enjoy the community, honesty and vulnerability of sharing your story with other Samson brothers who are looking to connect and heal. The cost for this retreat is $425. This price includes lodging for three nights, excellent food and beverages, training materials, an opportunity to hear other men’s stories, as well engage your own story in a safe and attuned way. For more information, contact Chris Inman at chris@np-recovery.com REGISTER LEARN MORE Monthly Resource Corner Each month, Samson Society will promote a resource that you may find helpful on your journey. Feel free to share any podcast episodes, blog posts, books, or documentaries that you find enlightening!  Fight Pornography As a Healing Church The Church has a choice. It can ignore the problems of pornography because they are too unseemly. It can chastise, rebuke, and cast out, which sends more people into hiding. Or it can lead people through a grace-filled process to the foot of the cross, where strongholds are crushed and where stronger servants arise.  The Healing Church, written by Samson member Sam Black, cuts through the confusion.  Discern how porn undermines ministry in your church. Understand how porn affects men and women differently and how to help them.      Discover how generations of Christians are becoming more comfortable with porn.      Learn why sex isn’t the real problem in pornography. Find out how to effectively deal with pornography while spending less time counseling.  LEARN MORE Connect with us on social media! DONATE

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