Someone recently asked me why I was still single.
My answer was as follows:
At this point in my life, I have zero-time, desire, or emotional dexterity to chase women. Specifically, emotionally unavailable women who expect a guy to do all the work relationally. As such, the second I sense drama or anything that doesn’t flow with my vibe, I’m out! That being said, I’m approached by and flirted with regularly! Sometimes the people around me are like “Dude, here’s your chance…”, but if I’m not feeling it, or think they want to be with me for any other reason besides just taking time to get to know who I am on the inside then I’m out! I just can’t… I can’t treat myself like a soulless robot only driven by my carnal desires. Yes, I’m a man 100% ,and enjoy physical intimacy as much as the next guy. Touch is my love language! BUT, at 50 years old, there are so many other things I’m more interested in.
To take that a step further, the online dating scene is framed in such a superficial manner. It’s impossible for a decent guy to rise to the top of a woman’s inbox namely because of all the dogs barking at them. Most ladies the attention. Again, I’m out! And, do know that relating face-to-face is tough for a guy. Try starting a conversation in today's world without coming off like a creepy stranger who only wants to get you into his rape van and have his way with you. 🤦🏻
It's all a result of this over-sexed society we live in. God knows I’ve had my own personal battles with it. From there, I've grown and tried to break free of the stereotypes. But it’s difficult to find a woman that's taken these struggles into account, recognizing a man's effort to live above the cesspoolness of this world.
Just the thought of having to share my story with a woman is frightening! But it is my story, and the foundation of who I am today. I refuse to hide it and act like it didn’t impact me because it is the broken road that’s lead me to become the whole person I am today.
And that’s another thing… I don’t need a woman to complete me. I’m whole on my own. I’ve done the work to heal and grow. My puzzle is complete; there are no missing pieces. But it would be nice to find someone who is compatible with my wiring and would be brave enough to travel this road of life with me. Someone that would know me at my worst and still choose to love me, and vice versa. The strongest marriages I’ve ever seen were ones that survived massive amounts of hell yet still chose to respect each other, choosing to love in spite of the failures and mistakes. It wasn’t about money or security, it was about real choice-driven love.
People get so addicted to the passion and romance of being in love that they forget that long-term love is a choice. We choose to love a person even when they fail us big time, or when Father Time starts eroding our bodies. They choose to never give up even when all their friends and family are telling them to leave. Even when the voices in their own heads say to leave. Love is so much bigger than just a feeling. It is a choice… finding that depth of genuine connection and commitment is near to impossible in today's feel-good society. A society that's paralyzed and blinded by comfort.
It’s always about what the other person can do for them, or layers of hidden agendas. Gold diggers, and baby mamas run rampant out there, and those scorned are so often scarred to the point that they’ve forgotten how to fall in love or even receive love in a healthy way. Today’s world wants love without risk, and that’s impossible. There is always risk involved with choosing to love someone. Just ask anyone in 30-to-40 year marriage. They will tell you story after story of how their spouse let them down or hurt them. But it was that struggle that brought truth and growth to the table. That’s what attracts me, demanding my attention: Honesty inside of brokenness!
Yes, I do need to feel a physical attraction towards someone, but at 50, I’m most interested in who’s on the inside, allowing myself to connect with someone that can receive love and reciprocate such things. It’s a needle in the haystack situation that I mostly don’t have time for or the energy to fight through the sewage of society to find that person. And if I hear another “it’ll happen when you least expect it…” comment, I’m going to vomit my mustache off. I appreciate the concern from those who makes those remarks, but if you think I say these things to feign sympathy for myself, you're missing the whole point. I am fine… broken for sure, but healthy as a man can be - all things considered. It would be easier if I didn’t feel everything so deeply, but that’s just how God put me together. I’ve come to learn that most people can’t digest this depth of emotional expression without believing it’s a cry for help. I can assure you it is not! This is just one man being honest with himself and taking the world around him as it is, not as I would have it to be. Some will understand, most will miss the point entirely. It’s okay either way.
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