If you've been engaged within Samson Society for any length of time, you've likely been the victim of some cruelty. And on the flip side of that, you've likely instigated some regretful words / actions you yourself onto your Samson brothers.
I can recall the first time this happened to me. I'd attended a funeral - out of town - with a Samson guy who also knew my parents (Bob & Darlene). As we were driving back to Jackson, he asked me a rhetorical question that was so heartless to receive. I remember simply sitting there within the passenger seat of his SUV stunned speechless.
And unfortunately, it changed my mindset regarding this trusted Samson guy forever. For I knew exactly where his pointed question had originated: envy / mistrust and cruelty.
And it hurt intensely to be his vulnerable target on that day.
But cruelty is fun. You have to admit to it. Especially when you're tired or bored or simply becoming annoyed of someone's mundanity / quirks. And I believe that's what happened in this case. For my Samson brother was / is from a big bio family (brothers galore) where the expected posturing was no doubt prevalent. I'm from a tiny family (only child), and I loathe / condone posturing of any ilk.
Have I forgiven this man? Absolutely. Yet, I won't (& haven't) be spending much (extended) one-on-one time with him ever again (unless absolutely necessary). For I feel so moved to protect myself from his cruel interrogation bent.
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Thanks to Samson Society, I quickly befriended a young Alabamian who'd been transferred (with his young family) to the Jackson Metro due to this vocation. This young AL Samson guy was initially invited to the Lakeside Pres Samson Society meeting (which I was facilitating) and chose to attend.
With just a handful of Samson Society meetings under his belt, it became apparent to me that he'd became mesmerized by Rob. And when I say mesmerized, I'm talking he put me on a pedestal that was stratospheric.
Yet, he loathed Mississippi(ans), his work in Mississippi, the church they (he & his wife & child) were attending, and he'd no real interest anymore in his faith (in spite of the fact that he was a homeschooled pastor's son).
But there was one thing that he could not stop ruminating on: the exceedingly sexy Human Resources Officer at his work who he'd slyly befriended. For this intoxicating relationship was unlike any he'd ever experienced.
I can remember reaching out to one of the Elders of our church in order to schedule times to pray specifically for this young Alabamian. I also prayed with my mother (this was a first) in the same vein. For my young Samson friend's marriage was in tatters due to this "emotional affair", and he was so incredibly despondent / conflicted overall. Yet, throughout, he was unusually bright and articulate. Funny and kindhearted. All of which drew me to him.
And then further down the road he admitted to being clinically depressed. Or so he thought.
I concurred, strongly urging him to seek therapeutic help. At this point, I was exhausted as his friend. The constant negativity / hypercriticality was overwhelming to bear. "GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!" "GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!" "GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!"
As a result, all regularly scheduled communication ceased. No more emails. No more meetings (draft beer drinking) in my garage. Eventually, he took the opportunity to benignly chew my ass out relative to his now shunning prerogative (to protect himself from demon Rob?). He even went so far as to tell me he'd be happy to meet with me further, at any point in the future, so long as it wasn't one-on-one. WTF?
Now, keep in mind, he did thank me respectfully for my time / effort invested whilst making it clear that my platonic services were no longer needed. Thank you very much.
You're welcome?!? Good riddance.
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Seething within Samson guys is often hard to continually stomach. Particularly when it's aimed upwards. A lot of guys have such a difficult time resisting the temptation to rank themselves against each other (out of anger). Especially if their past travails are far darker (within their own eyes) than your own. Pettiness can grow out of this imbalance therein. And it can metastasize slowly over the years. I've had to decouple myself from Samson men as a result. Men who'd become childish with their quips and petty overcorrections. Thanks be to God for the ability to block contacts on smartphones. It's the Steve Jobs' equivalent of a discreet exit.
I realize that may sound cruel on its own accord, but keep in mind that I gave these Samson men years and years of rope to either hang themselves with or build a bridge (between us). Per my experience, anger bequeaths the former almost every time. It is a tough, tough emotion to bear within friendship.
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The wives of local Samson guys can torpedo friendships within the Samson community. Especially if they found themselves responsible for steering the familial ship during their Samson husband's "acting out" (neglectful) years (decades?).
Suggest to that Samson husband (as his Silas) his need to NOW (accounting for his active recovery efforts) take the reins relative to shoring up marginalized areas of his clan (sans the wife's blessing), and she may very well demonize you in an effort to fortify her comfortable leadership perch.
And this being no matter how much time / effort / resolve you've poured into her man. Her control (or sense thereof) may very well take precedent (out of fear).
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And finally, there're simply bad days for every Samson guy. Days where fatigue and emotional exhaustion are too much. Align those conditions with two (or more) Samson guys who've known (& trusted) each other for many years, and you can potentially have a recipe for relational fallout (of the most intense sort) in just a matter of minutes. For the tongue is full of poison.
I had this happen to me at the last in-person Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society meeting I attended (October '21). In fact, the situation escalated so quickly that my heart absolutely breaks whilst thinking back on it.
So many painful words. So much rubble left behind relative to that / those friendship(s).
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During the live podcast recording at the 2022 National Samson Society Retreat last weekend, one of the Jackson, Mississippi Samson guys who attended cited (in general terms) his own hurtful experiences within the local Samson Society here within the Jackson Metro area. In doing so, (I believe) he'd hoped forlornly (from Mr. Nate Larkin & Mr. Aaron Porter) for some antidote to these horrible relational failures which cause such tremendous pain / disappointment.
I silently appreciated (I was in the audience) this young man's courage to bring this to our fearless Samson Society leaders. For it's what instigated me to finally write this post.
Genuine Samson Society relationships are hard. That's why most men aren't interested therein. There're no guardrails. There're no referees. In fact, the Samson Society charter doesn't address any sort of "Code of Conduct" for a Samson guy. And that's intentional, for sure.
As Christians, we're called to put others before ourselves. Yet, even within scripture, we can see friendships between Bible characters pivot or sour altogether (sometimes violently).
What I've found is God uses these developments too. For I've never become bitter, only further hopeful, motivating me to anticipate what's next relative to platonic connection and love within this ministry.
Be forewarned. Don't adjudicate the ministry of Samson Society itself solely through the lens of your inevitable Samson guys' relational heartache. Jesus' disciples fought / loved hard, yet they never lost sight of their purpose in following their Lord together.
This photo was taken during last weekend's 2022 National Samson Society Retreat. It represents the current lineup of Samson guys who attend "Make Thursdays Great Again" on Thursday nights at 7 PM CST (virtual Samson Society meeting). As you can see, our virtual Samson group was well represented amongst the 150+ Samson guys who attended this wonderful retreat.
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