If A Husband Demands That His Wife Deactivate Her Social Media Accounts, Is She Obligated To?

Similarly, if a husband demands that his wife not wear leggings, should she be obligated to obey / yield to his demands?

Too, (just one more) is it okay for a wife to leave her family's church (due to her unhappiness with the preaching style / content) in order to begin attending another church on her own?  It's important to note that she'd be doing so in spite of her husband being an upstanding elder of their church.

Yikes.  These are tough questions that need some serious context prior to attempting to answer.  That being said, I don't have any context, therefore here're some succinct answers:  

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Regarding social media account deactivation, she's only obligated to do so if he's done so firstly.

Regarding leggings, I have no idea how to answer this one.  I do know that it's important to keep in mind that clothing trends are not static, and that it cannot be assumed that the majority of men find women's asses to be their number one turnon.

Regarding her abandoning the family's church, I suspect there's an underlying issue here that's desperately needing to be addressed.  An issue(s) that's compelled her to rebel to this extent.  Seek out that issue and loop in professional / pastoral help (assuming she'll cooperate) if need be.

Lagniappe

"The Conditions Of Love" - JR Everhart

I’ve recently had a revelation about how men receive love.  It seems that for the most part, men are only loved when they are providing a service.  I know men are supposed to be providers, and I guess even in our modern times of enlightened thinking, we still haven’t shaken this off.  Considering that, your family may love you unconditionally, but I personally don’t believe in unconditional love inside the human experience.  Even your family has conditions to loving you. 

We have to understand that love on this earth is feeble and very conditional.  The only love I’ve ever experienced that’s stood the test of time it the love of my Heavenly Father.  Jesus is the only person that ever walked this earth that truly loved me.  Even when I couldn’t love myself.  People will display random acts of love toward me here-or-there, but it’s rarely anything with depth.  What's typical is for individuals to get in my "good graces" because I can provide them something for later on down the road or in response to something I did for them in the past.  Earthly love has such a cause-and-effect structure to it that once you realize that routine, it robs you of all the warm fuzzies around said act of love.  Solomon said “with much wisdom, comes much sorrow…”  I’m someone who intrinsically struggles to believe people love me, realizing the "service model" to earthly love only pours gasoline on that fire.  It’s sad because even when I’ve felt the warm fuzzies of romantic love - those that happen during the infant stages of courtship, it still looks like it was just leading to the service structure of love.  Maybe that’s the only way we as humans can experience love?  In order to test this, to receive something, we need to receive love from someone that doesn’t owe us anything. That’s how Christ’s love resonates in my life.  He loved me even when I was a rebellious sinner. Realizing that love changed my life, but only because I could see how important his service at the cross - on my behalf - was to my salvation.  Another question:  Do I feel Jesus’ love because he loved me, or because he provided the service of redemption to me?  I don’t claim to have answers to all this, I just like asking the questions that get me thinking… 

I honestly try to live my life as if there were no heaven or hell.  So I’m not trying to escape hell or work toward heaven's blessing, but just enjoy the relationship with my Savior.  I try to live from a place of appreciation for what Jesus has done for me.  This is why I feel so worthless when I fail because disobedience has always been deeply connected to an immediate detachment from being loved.  I can’t help but feel unloved or even unlovable when I sin and break Gods standards in my life.  I think the enemy uses this against us constantly, and if he can convince us that God only loves us when we’re doing everything right, then we will naturally experience that inevitable detachment from God.  Guilt and shame will always bare witness with our flesh.  Guilt and shame are the creepy candy coating on worthlessness.  Truly believing you have no value or purpose.  But this does not reflect the character of God.  It’s our dysfunctional thinking that tries to recreate God as petty and vindictive as we are.  We are so stuck in the service-based love mindset that we struggle to believe God could love someone so rebellious and prideful as we are.  This toxic thinking is imprinted on our psychological DNA from the trauma of our childhoods, abandonment of our romantic relationships as adults, and overall views formed by the service-based society we live in. Society is the first to say “if you're not providing a service, you don’t deserve to eat or have any form of happiness.  Only the strong survive!” Therefore, knowing this, is it any wonder we struggle to trust God so much?  It’s only through Bible study and prayer, that we keep our God-centered love compass correctly calibrated.  God is not one of us, therefore he loves beyond anything we will ever be able to understand in this world and most likely the next.  As for navigating love inside the human experience… I think we have to come to peace with what it is.  Human love is conditional acceptance based on providing support to others that may or may not reciprocate that support.  At times it’s wonderful, but risk of getting hurt or even victimized is just part of that paradigm here on Earth.  Earthly love is impossible without this risk. 

Recommended Reading

 Evangelical and LGBT+ Ally: Why You Can’t Be Both (thegospelcoalition.org)

These Are Dangerous Times To Be Living Alone. Especially If You've Established A Perceived Anonymity Involving Both The Internet & Sexual Sin.

I love meeting new Samson guys.  Hearing their stories and supporting them therein via my listening ear is what it's all about.  There's no judgement there.  It's all about simply listening, asking questions and listening some more.  Perhaps eventually, they'll be a recommendation or two tossed from my lips, but those are always at a minimum (though I must admit their seeming authoritativeness can be off putting to some) until I feel so moved.    

I'm fortunate to have listened to hundreds upon hundreds of hours - throughout my life - as either a Silas or simply a Samson brother.  If you know Rob at all, you know that I adore men.  Hence, meeting new guys and listening to their stories is an incredibly enriching experience for me.  You'll also know though that I don't miss much whilst listening.  And I'm fairly certain this is tied to how God has tuned me overall towards the same sex.

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Many years ago, I was an avid CNET fan.  This website interested me enough to browse there moreso than occasionally (in spite of the fact that I'm by no means a tech nerd).  I especially enjoyed their weekly (Fridays) wrap up summary video which captured the "tech news" over the past seven days.  The host of this weekly video was comedic, the writing intelligent and the editing was anything but generic.  It was entertaining stuff.  

During one of these weekly wrap-up videos, the host featured the first (supposedly) iteration of webcam roulette URLs.  Essentially, per what the host described; this URL allowed one to play webcam roulette with whomever else was logged in simultaneously (with their webcam turned on).  

And as an aside, the host made it very clear that what she had experienced therein was quite sexually explicit in nature as she "played around" with this new website invention.

Who'd a thunk?  Strangers being sexually explicit online?  Shocking.

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The Internet is all about efficiency, is it not?  Instantaneous satisfaction.  No matter the need.  

Keeping that in mind, webcam roulette URLs most definitely meet a distinct need via the power and anonymity of the Internet.  And the keyword here is anonymity.  

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Somewhere around 2008 or '09, a beloved Aussie friend (who I'd met online via Yahoo! Groups), and I were beginning to establish a webcam routine.  For reference, at the time, my PC barely met the minimum computing requirements for Skype.  Prior to this, my Aussie friend and I emailed each other voraciously (for well over a year).  Like myself, this guy was a writer at heart, but who also happened to be a husband / father who struggled with unwanted same-sex attraction.  

Unfortunately, it didn't take too long for Scott (after we'd established our webcam routine) to decide to expose himself to me unannounced.  From there, during that episode, he began masturbating to climax.  I have to admit, it was initially quite erotic observing him doing this through his laptop's webcam, but it didn't take long for me to feel the ickiness associated with this sort of Internet-centric experience, particularly in contrast to where our friendship had been.  Hence, after that one time, in line with a mutual agreement, he and I both kept our zippers zipped up.  

Not too many months after this eye-opening event, I asked that we take a year-long friendship sabbatical.  He agreed to this with a broken heart.  As you might imagine, our relationship never recovered from that "extended vacation".   

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Let me stop here and define what I mean by ickiness.

Whenever I engage with other men, I feel 110%.  The experience is akin to me walking in their shoes.  It's for sure emotionally exhausting, but as such, me simply being me.

This being my normal, I am deeply fearful of what a sexual experience might look like with said men because of the damage my involvement would bring about.  In other words, think of it as me taking a massive overstep into their lives.  Now, viewing a pixelated video, fed through an anonymous guy's webcam, isn't the same as real, face-to-face sexual experiences or even (as described above) a friend-to-friend webcam one.

All that being said, ickiness feelings are essentially those which alarm me to the fact that I've either entered in or are fast approaching the cesspool of human experience.  The lowest of the low.  Debased.  Repugnant.  To expound on that a bit, I'd put it in the same category as visiting those plywood-assembled "private booths" oftentimes found towards the back of the adult bookstore.  You know the ones.  Where the red and pink incandescent bulbs dangle above your head as you anticipate yet another anonymous hookup.

In my opinion, webcam roulette is right there in the thick of those pollutants.  Particularly if you're participating therein as a Christian.

Here's my plea:  Value yourself and the Holy Spirit in such a manner that you're unwilling to stoop to this level.  No matter how lonely you may feel.  Value your witness as a Christian in such a manner that you're unwilling to stoop to this level.  Pray to God that your ickiness barometer stays sensitive and sharp.  Ask him for the self-control to heed its warnings reflexively.

And never forget to pray for those who're submerged in the filth, getting pulled deeper and deeper into the dump.  For ickiness to them is what normal looks like.

Lagniappe

Recommended Reading

 Is God punishing the United States of America? - The Jerusalem Post (jpost.com)

Recommended Reading

 Is the sexual revolution over? Did Playboy go bankrupt? | Opinion - Deseret News

"The Blueprint Of Dysfunction" - JR Everhart

Three things that beat us down and keep us down: 

1) An overbearing parent who is controlling or very disciplinary.  [Amen-Ed.]

2) High levels of shame

This equates to self-hatred and toxic self-talk. 

3) A lack of purpose

Feeling empty or hollow is a direct result of a lack of purpose in your life. 

I heard this recently on a podcast.  I believe it was Jay Stringer that said it.  I have all three of these things operating in my life.  It’s very helpful to know and start working through, but it reveals a rocky road ahead.  Knowledge without application is useless, and we are more educated these days than ever before in the history of mankind, but also more lost than ever.  Knowledge only blooms when it’s put into action.  I myself have read countless books and studied the Bible a thousand different ways over the last 28 years, yet I still have days where I feel like I know nothing.  Lost in my own desires, I walk down a familiar path of temptation that almost always leads to sin and momentary separation from God.  I know God can bring about purpose in sin.  Hence, it keeps me constantly looking toward him for help.  But I also know God desires better for me. 

Every time I fall down, the enemy reminds me of how I’ve been "resourced" to death.  Resourced to not fall.  He uses that to try and convince me that I am far too broken to ever believe I can be loved. If he can rob us of hope, and convince us God doesn’t care about our suffering, our goose is cooked.  It’s these thoughts that lead to emotional and psychological death.  He tempts, we fall, and then he accuses us of our own brokenness until we have no hope or faith in God's goodness.  That’s when he moves in for the kill.  That’s when we may very well start entertaining death as our only relief from the suffering of this world.  I’ve found there to be suicidal thoughts in my life for years.  I think that if I kill myself, the pain will stop and the stress of being lovable or successful will just fade away.  And truth is that is correct.  The enemy always sprinkles truth over his deception like a creepy candy coating.  But what these thoughts blind us from is the mountains of beauty God wants to show us.  The healing that can and will take place in our lives if we just stop listening to the enemy’s lies.  

Yes, this world sucks!  BUT, it doesn’t have to suck all the time.  A season of uncomfortable growth does not define our entire lives.  I have to stop isolating before refocusing my thought life on truth in order to step away from the hopeless suicidal mindset.  It’s a lie, and whenever I feel that stuff, I know I’m staring straight into the eyes of evil itself.  I’ve been through this so much that at present, it ignites a knee jerk reaction to start counting my blessings and readjust my focus on heavenly principles.  Depression can be a deep dark hole if we choose to live there, but we have a choice and there’s always a way of escape.  We just have to apply some of the Biblical truth and trust God.  Sin will always bear witness with our flesh and the enemy’s lies will mostly feel true.  But this is why God's word directly tells us to not trust our feelings but to only trust his word.  The enemy may be very good at showing us the truth about our weaknesses and struggles, but God’s word tells us the truth about Christ’s redeeming blood!  Whose report are you going to believe? 

"I'm Officially Done With Samson Society!" (Can Mavericks Long-Term Thrive Within This, Or Any Other, Similarly Loosely Organized Community / Ministry?)

 Maverick:  A maverick is an animal, usually a form of cattle, that does not carry a brand. It is a word also used to describe a person who acts free from constraints or organizational guidelines.  A mustang is by definition a maverick horse.  [My friend, Peter, is by definition a maverick human being.]

I have one maverick friend, and it's the most unique friendship I have / have had up to this point in my life.  This friendship is marred with frustration (on both sides).  From Rob's point of view, it's frustration that's aimed at Peter's unwillingness to yield to much of any authority.  From Peter's point of view, it's my willingness to behave in an opposing manner (effectively creating a relational short circuit).

I've known Peter for +/-15 years.  There was a serious, longstanding cooling off period, relative to our friendship, that began around year three / four, but then, unexpectedly, he gradually came back into my life in an arguably even bigger way.  Since he and I had last communicated (taking the +/-7-year hiatus into consideration), I'd long since dived headlong into Samson Society by committing to both local Jackson, Mississippi groups combined with the National Retreats.  Hence, at this point of platonic reconnection with Peter, I encouraged him too to jump in (initially by personally inviting him to attend the 2018 National Retreat).  Logistically, he was unable to do this at that point in time, but when November 2019 came around, he was there undeterred.  And as you might imagine, it was a tense period in our friendship for both of us, having not engaged with each other for so very long.  Especially considering the implosive circumstances we'd left off with, seven years prior.

Immediately prior to our aforementioned "cooling off" period setting sail (resulting in a cut of all communication efforts), Peter dubbed himself a "maverick" within a long-winded explanatory / commentary email he sent me.  And that moniker he self-identified with has perfectly suited him ever since.   

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Peter's life has been a "soap opera" (his excusatory words).  As such, throughout the early / initial years of time as his friend, he & I both agreed that he'd given himself an awful lot of leeway relative to meeting others' expectations.  Combine that with him being, by nature, an uber-loner.  Hence, time spent alone is his thing; an awful lot of which (again, during our pre-hiatus years) was burned up via entertaining himself (porn, video games, college sports commentary, and on and on).  

Until...

he'd find that the clock had run out prior to it being time to execute (make a presentation, mow a lawn, write a paper, take an exam, etc.)

From there, he'd pull whatever was demanded of him directly out of his ass (little to no prep).  And overall, he was quite adept at this technique, but as you might imagine, it no doubt came across as qualitatively mediocre regarding most everything on his resume.  

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What I love about this guy is his unerring belief in himself.  I used to imagine him looking at himself naked in the full-length bathroom mirror and exclaiming, "Damn, I'm awesome!", each and every time.  No matter how many disappointing grade cards Peter's been given, he simply subjugates them / chalks them up subconsciously to his "maverickness" shining through.  As such, he's constantly on the move relationally.  Therefore, for me to (again) be as close to him as I am today, in many ways is a surreal experience.

And all of this leads me up to yesterday (I dialogue / pray with Peter once a week over the phone).

He's now decided to raise his middle finger at Samson Society.  In particular, Samson's decisionmakers for refusing to respond to his immediate wishes.  And this wasn't a surprising turn of events for me to observe once it sank into my psyche.  For it's precisely in line with how Peter has always operated / continues to operate as a maverick.  

I realize there're a handful of Steve Jobs / Elon Musks out there who fall into the category of maverick.  But these men are of extraordinary intelligence / creativity / drive.  None of these descriptors are appropriate for Peter.  He's as average a bear as I am.  

Honestly, I don't know how to feel about all of this.  For I care about Peter, but I also believe wholeheartedly in Samson Society.  I know being critical of his newfound position will only fall on deaf ears.  For it's directly in line with his modus operandi as a maverick.  

Here I am again, with this old friend, feeling truly powerless.  For now, as he's done so many times before, he's set sail from a community that benefits tremendously from his commitment therein.  Forever again, thinking exclusively of himself and his identity as a maverick.    

   

Recommended Viewing

"The No Bull Briefing" Samson Society August Newsletter

 

THE NO BULL BRIEFING - August 2022

Ask an Expert By Eli Machen, MA, MSW, LCSW The term "Show-up" refers to how we are to engage and live in relationships in general and, most importantly, with our loved ones. The word means to live with those we seek an intimate relationship with, in truth, authenticity, honesty, trustworthiness, integrity, dependability, and reliability. In other words, "butt naked" before another with whom you seek a relationship. Living, speaking, and in all forms, truthfulness is the very foundation of any connection with whom we strive to achieve intimacy. Truth is the first of the building blocks of a relationship. Without truth, there cannot be safety; without safety, there is no trust; without trust, vulnerability will not happen, and vulnerability is a necessity for intimacy. Read More Have a question you would like answered? Send it our way and we will see what we can find out for you! Get Your Spot Before We Sell Out! We are excited that tickets for our annual retreat are selling fast, but that means you might miss your chance to join us if you don't act soon. This fall, Roane and Eva Hunter, international bestselling authors of Sex, God, and the Chaos of Betrayal, along with their son, Roe, will present on Sexual Brokenness: A Family Affair. Come listen as all three teach together for the first time ever. To help encourage men to register, we are hosting a friendly competition. At check-in, we will ask guys to list one Samson meeting to represent. The meeting with the most men in attendance will receive the opportunity to purchase an official Samson t-shirt with their meeting logo on it in the Samson merch store! REGISTER Brutal Honesty By Jeremy D. One of the most powerful parts of my three and a half year journey of recovery has been a short phrase. We’re talking a measly two words, and yet, they’ve single handedly changed the way I’ve communicated, related and gone deep with other men. The words Brutal Honesty have come at the time that I truly needed them. Recently, I shared in a Samson meeting about a massive portion of my journey, and the way it’s impacted me. Before 2019, I couldn’t have imagined telling another human being that portion of my past, let alone a group of guys. The ability to get out the very parts of myself that have brought me to the brink of suicide in an open, “public” format has been life changing. It’s been the safe, secure environment surrounded by the strictest of confidences being kept that has helped me get out of my head. Even still, it’s more people than I’ve ever communicated this part of my story with. That was liberating, and I can’t go more in detail than that at this time, simply because of the shock that surrounds that moment of brutal honesty. More recently than that particular meeting, I shared a portion of my story in the Slack community. It was also incredibly difficult to share, as I don’t love being real. In the past, I would talk a big game, encouraging others to reach out to me when they needed the support, while never doing the same for myself. When it comes down to actually being open, authentic and honest, there’s the “self” that convinces me I’m isolated, alone and too far gone - that no one will understand. I have worked hard with the help of the Holy Spirit to battle the Unholy Self in this battle of epic proportions that’s spanned the majority of my life. …Okay, I might be channeling a bit too much Marvel as if this story is a Summer blockbuster. The truth is: I’ve never shared in this way with a community of men. The most recent share went into a brutally honest look at where I’m currently at in my life. Between personal and professional conflict over the past several months, I’ve felt as though I’m just barely hanging on. After a traumatic incident a couple months ago, I’ve had a thick brain fog that has prevented me from seeing, feeling and moving into the places that I know I need to.  It’s been a hard and tough season, and it seemingly ended when I saw the effects of my inner, mental wellbeing - or lack thereof - presented to me in the physical. Seeing dirty glasses, plates & fruit flies surrounding my sink alongside sticky counters and a disgusting floor, I realized the depth of how rough it’s been for some time. The key to me making that connection was a conversation with a fellow brother in the Samson Society. When he mentioned to me the reality of his inner life being reflected by the external, that he knew he needed to seriously work on it, I encouraged him in the moment and didn’t think much more of it. His willingness to be brutally honest with me about his inability to see the good in him based on his surroundings became the lighthouse in an ocean attacked by a tumultuous storm. I couldn’t see, navigate or recognize just how bad the storm was, because the water was constantly covering my eyes. The lack of proper sight left me looking for direction, and God spoke to me through the brutal honesty of a fellow pirate monk. While this brain fog has removed all motivation, energy level and fight, there’s always a way out. After seeing myself stumble time and time again within a short period, I knew I needed to get back to basics. In messaging my Ministry brother, I was able to recognize the importance of sharing the truth behind the smile. You see, for years, I learned how to put on a mask and hold the struggles within. I always knew others needed help, and  they deserved it. Yet, I genuinely haven’t seen the validity behind my own problems being deserving of support until the recent past. So, here’s some brutal honesty. My house was in a disgusting state, my basement has a weird mold smell, and I hadn’t showered in days (I changed that a few hours ago). There’s been a series of 10-14 days over the summer where I used wet wipes, dry shampoo and deodorant to not scare away the people I’ve had to be around. I was just barely scraping by. More than anything, I was feeling the weight of the world - both my own wrongdoing & the external factors out of my control. Once God removed the fog from my brain, I was able to see where I was, and the importance of getting out of the “cave” I was in. Never take for granted the importance of sharing what you’re thinking, feeling, doing & thinking of doing. This helps you go SO far beyond simple conversation. It’s a way of getting deep into what’s behind our current state of mind. To summarize: We’ll never get where we need to be in life if we’re not willing to be brutally honest. Recognize your inability to move past the bondage holding you back, and extend yourself to another Pirate Monk. You’ll be glad you did. Forge on, brothers. Thanks for reading. I pray you’re blessed this Fall. Two Chances to Join Us in Italy Check out this Brit's list of 30 things to know before traveling to Italy to learn which coffee beverage is traditionally served with breakfast (the answer might surprise you!), the names of the TWO countries located within Italy, what fare la scarpetta is and why it's essential when eating pasta, and so much more that you just *might* be confused for a local...okay, maybe not, but you will at least know some insider information to help you get the most out of your Italian experience. Then register for your spot at one of our two international retreats happening in Italy: separate men's and women's retreats happening in the Apennine mountains, about 2 hours away from Rome on Oct 7-9 (LEARN MORE) a men's retreat in northern Italy at Forterocca near the French border on Oct. 14-16 (LEARN MORE) July 2022 Meeting Host & Sub Winner Thank you Tommy Miller for hosting the Freebird and Daytona Online virtual meetings! We would like to give you a 25% discount off one item in the Samson merch store as a thank you for donating your time and talents! Please check your email inbox for your discount code. Each month we will draw one name, so be sure to complete the host form online every time you host or sub a meeting to be entered in to the drawing. You receive one entry for each time you host or sub during the month. Regional Retreat Opportunities Planning a regional Samson retreat? Let us know at samsonhouseoffice@gmail.com or drop it on the #upcoming_event channel on Slack so we can help you spread the word! Monthly Resource Corner Each month, Samson Society will promote a resource that you may find helpful on your journey. Feel free to share any podcast episodes, blog posts, books, or documentaries that you find enlightening!  Many today experience devastating levels of hurt, loneliness, anxiety, depression, porn use, and other struggles and the answers we hear like “just pray more” or “trust God more” often aren’t helpful. It can be hard to know what to do about these issues! Through biblical truth and brain science, this series from the Resolution Movement will bring you real solutions to overcome hurts and struggles and start to thrive in life with Jesus and others. Want to hear more? Check out this recent Pirate Monk Podcast with Resolution Movement's Ben Bennett. LEARN MORE Give the Gift of Gratitude Samson Society does not have dues or fees, but we do have expenses. Some ways you can give the gift of gratitude are: Thank a brother or a Silas by giving a financial gift in their honor Give a small donation ($3-5) every time you attend a meeting with text-2-give. Just text 1-719-722-3545 and put a dollar amount in the text message box, then follow the prompts. It takes about two minutes – you’ll need your bank account information from a check. After that, it takes less than five seconds to give each time. Purchase an item in our merch store as a thank you gift for your Silas or a brother who has impacted your walk on The Path When you contribute to Samson House, you are contributing to both your own recovery as well as to the recovery of others across the globe. Pay it forward with a financial contribution today. DONATE Connect with us on social media!

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