I love meeting new Samson guys. Hearing their stories and supporting them therein via my listening ear is what it's all about. There's no judgement there. It's all about simply listening, asking questions and listening some more. Perhaps eventually, they'll be a recommendation or two tossed from my lips, but those are always at a minimum (though I must admit their seeming authoritativeness can be off putting to some) until I feel so moved.
I'm fortunate to have listened to hundreds upon hundreds of hours - throughout my life - as either a Silas or simply a Samson brother. If you know Rob at all, you know that I adore men. Hence, meeting new guys and listening to their stories is an incredibly enriching experience for me. You'll also know though that I don't miss much whilst listening. And I'm fairly certain this is tied to how God has tuned me overall towards the same sex.
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Many years ago, I was an avid CNET fan. This website interested me enough to browse there moreso than occasionally (in spite of the fact that I'm by no means a tech nerd). I especially enjoyed their weekly (Fridays) wrap up summary video which captured the "tech news" over the past seven days. The host of this weekly video was comedic, the writing intelligent and the editing was anything but generic. It was entertaining stuff.
During one of these weekly wrap-up videos, the host featured the first (supposedly) iteration of webcam roulette URLs. Essentially, per what the host described; this URL allowed one to play webcam roulette with whomever else was logged in simultaneously (with their webcam turned on).
And as an aside, the host made it very clear that what she had experienced therein was quite sexually explicit in nature as she "played around" with this new website invention.
Who'd a thunk? Strangers being sexually explicit online? Shocking.
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The Internet is all about efficiency, is it not? Instantaneous satisfaction. No matter the need.
Keeping that in mind, webcam roulette URLs most definitely meet a distinct need via the power and anonymity of the Internet. And the keyword here is anonymity.
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Somewhere around 2008 or '09, a beloved Aussie friend (who I'd met online via Yahoo! Groups), and I were beginning to establish a webcam routine. For reference, at the time, my PC barely met the minimum computing requirements for Skype. Prior to this, my Aussie friend and I emailed each other voraciously (for well over a year). Like myself, this guy was a writer at heart, but who also happened to be a husband / father who struggled with unwanted same-sex attraction.
Unfortunately, it didn't take too long for Scott (after we'd established our webcam routine) to decide to expose himself to me unannounced. From there, during that episode, he began masturbating to climax. I have to admit, it was initially quite erotic observing him doing this through his laptop's webcam, but it didn't take long for me to feel the ickiness associated with this sort of Internet-centric experience, particularly in contrast to where our friendship had been. Hence, after that one time, in line with a mutual agreement, he and I both kept our zippers zipped up.
Not too many months after this eye-opening event, I asked that we take a year-long friendship sabbatical. He agreed to this with a broken heart. As you might imagine, our relationship never recovered from that "extended vacation".
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Let me stop here and define what I mean by ickiness.
Whenever I engage with other men, I feel 110%. The experience is akin to me walking in their shoes. It's for sure emotionally exhausting, but as such, me simply being me.
This being my normal, I am deeply fearful of what a sexual experience might look like with said men because of the damage my involvement would bring about. In other words, think of it as me taking a massive overstep into their lives. Now, viewing a pixelated video, fed through an anonymous guy's webcam, isn't the same as real, face-to-face sexual experiences or even (as described above) a friend-to-friend webcam one.
All that being said, ickiness feelings are essentially those which alarm me to the fact that I've either entered in or are fast approaching the cesspool of human experience. The lowest of the low. Debased. Repugnant. To expound on that a bit, I'd put it in the same category as visiting those plywood-assembled "private booths" oftentimes found towards the back of the adult bookstore. You know the ones. Where the red and pink incandescent bulbs dangle above your head as you anticipate yet another anonymous hookup.
In my opinion, webcam roulette is right there in the thick of those pollutants. Particularly if you're participating therein as a Christian.
Here's my plea: Value yourself and the Holy Spirit in such a manner that you're unwilling to stoop to this level. No matter how lonely you may feel. Value your witness as a Christian in such a manner that you're unwilling to stoop to this level. Pray to God that your ickiness barometer stays sensitive and sharp. Ask him for the self-control to heed its warnings reflexively.
And never forget to pray for those who're submerged in the filth, getting pulled deeper and deeper into the dump. For ickiness to them is what normal looks like.
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