2011 was notable for my friendship with The Maverick. It had seeded in 2010, not long after we'd had lunch at the now defunct "Jerusalem Cafe" in Fondren, and this is where he identified himself as a "porn addict". I'd never heard that phrase, but nonetheless, it deeply concerned me. Especially considering the fact that he was a pastor.
All of this was pre-Samson Society (at least in terms of our involvement within the ministry). Though both of us are heavily involved now (me in Jackson and The Maverick in Mobile, AL), at the time, neither of us were privy to Christ-centered relational accountability groups of any ilk. Therefore, we set out supporting each other as best we knew how. And by all means, it was imperfect, but such a learning experience and privilege to start there.
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The Maverick's identity was centered on recklessness by my standards and independence by his. At the conclusion of our friendship (while he was still living here back in 2012), he compared himself to Tom Cruise's character in the film "Top Gun", and in many ways this was true - as an overarching theme relative to how he saw himself. He was resolute at being a "seat of the pants" guy with almost a fanatical helping of self confidence and poise regarding situations he was no doubt completely (& intentionally) unprepared to face. Tied to that confidence (arrogance) was off the chart laziness, and this is where his compulsive Internet usage - porn use, gaming came into play.
Nevertheless, we saw spiritual maturation on either end of the friendship despite our opposing personas. For me specifically, having this man trust me completely - with my story in particular - was monumentally helpful. It provided me with a foundation to grow and see / understand myself better from which I'd never had prior. A period of intense spiritual growth took off as a result.
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If you find yourself (& many a Samson man may very well) serving your very own Maverick as a Silas, here's my advice to you:
But first, let me share the following just to reiterate what I stated prior and to insure that you understand whom exactly I'm describing.
Mavericks live and breathe reckless behavior / thinking. It's their language. Finding a shortcut, taking the risks, cutting corners is their modus operandi. They're like a bull in a china shop.
I'll provide an example from my experience with The Maverick.
It's a fact that contact lenses are meant to be purged / replaced every two weeks with fresh lenses. I know this because I've worn them since I was a teen. It's also recommended that you remove the lenses prior to sleeping, though sleeping in them isn't forbidden. This procedure of replacing / removing nightly is obviously for the health / recovery of the human eye. Contact lenses, over time, get protein deposits on them, and too, they simply degrade as they're floating around on the surface of one's eyeball. This degradation and dirtiness can result in serious eye infections which can lead to eye disease / permanent damage. God gave man two irreplaceable eyeballs, therefore it's really wise to take good care of them.
Therefore, it's just common sense to follow these recommendations closely whilst wearing contact lenses.
Unless you're a Maverick.
In that case, you leave your contact lenses in your head for years on end just to see how long you can go.
And this is just one example of how Mavericks think / operate.
Now back to my advice.
Your Maverick friend needs much more from you than just "You got my back?", though the notion of accepting / making peace with his recklessness is an absolute. And this could be your way of showing respect (perhaps for something you can't completely understand / appreciate) for who he's chosen to be / ended up becoming (depending on how you look at it).
What he needs is love. And often the best way to demonstrate that is through consistency. Think of yourself (as his Silas) not as a counterpoint but as a datum or signpost. Consistency in time spent / communication, consistency in pointing him towards Christ (Bible study / prayer / self-examination), consistency in reiterating over and over your care and concern for his well-being (in an effort to work against the recklessness).
And this love you show is going to be tough. Drawing lines in the sand may be needed via demanding he take logical steps that are in line with The Path. That being said, if he follows through with your demands, you continue forward via the friendship as such, refusing to miss a beat. If no follow through occurs, you must be committed to pulling back 'till he's ready to comply with what's obviously best for his own recovery. If you two can't agree on what's best, you need to loop in other (mutually agreed upon) Samson men to provide advice / insight / counsel.
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Two areas where I did this with my Maverick friend were in the realm of Internet accountability software (Covenant Eyes) and eventually, an insistence regarding him obtaining Christian counseling (at RTS). Regarding the former, I became his accountability partner, and regarding the latter, I'd ask to see credit card receipts proving he'd attended scheduled counseling sessions.
And he followed through with this, and progress was made, and I was privileged to know him that much more. For there's nothing more rewarding than witnessing a Christian make progress - in the opposing direction of - chronic sin issues. But especially whilst experiencing them firsthand yourself.
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My Maverick friend isn't an anomaly to Samson Society. If you're committed to this ministry long enough and willing to serve any and all men as a Silas, you'll too come across one (or two or three). And for awhile, you may find yourself scratching your head as to how they operate (off the cuff / on the fly / seat of their pants). And that's normal.
What I came away with personally was so much understanding tied to my own platonic needs. And yes, they were finally understood to be needs. Not wants. Needs. What an investment The Maverick made in me! Thanks be to God for this part of my story. I'm very much looking forward to reconnecting with him at the Samson Society Fall retreat in early November. He is one of my heroes and always will be.
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