The Accuser

When I was in 7th grade, I encountered my first (& most noteworthy) accuser at school.  His name was Jim, and he was a few years older than I was.  Jim really enjoyed making me feel worthless by taunting me.  Name calling wasn't his repertoire.  It was mocking.  In fact, I unfortunately can still hear him do this within my mind's eye if I concentrate hard enough.

And of course, he'd set about mocking me amongst my peer group within settings I already felt uncomfortable within, and this amounted to the perfect emotional storm for me.

Jime was the epitome, for Rob, of Accuser, in human form at least.

We also had a neighbor whom chose to similarly give me hell on occasion, but this young man was closer to my age and not nearly as well respected amongst his peers.  Therefore, his taunts never penetrated my heart as effectively as Jim's did.

All and all, Jim was athletic, Type A, handsome, and very articulate.  Hence, he was well respected, if not feared by most everyone around him.  All of this notoriety he used as collateral whilst eeking out what little value any of us lesser "mortals" had at our disposal.

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"LOOK AT HOW PATHETIC / WORTHLESS YOU TRULY ARE!"

And this leads me to Satan, who is the ultimate accuser, and his words as well as his point of view unfortunately, across the board, make a significant impact on men.  I used that word worthlessness earlier in this post, and I must say, that's truly been Lucifer's main focus relative to this attacks on Rob throughout my life.

How best to resist this, besides the usual Scriptural overrides?

When I find myself standing within his line of fire, I try to be cognizant of why he may be so interested in my position as of late.  But this is often tough to do due to the fact that his accusations are so incessant and amplified relative to my systematically mundane mid-life existence.

What's really frightening though about his work is how effective he is at mimicking both the timing and outlook of Jim, my aforementioned childhood accuser.

Let me explain.

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Jim's schemes wouldn't have held water had I not fallen in line with the norm in middle school.  And I did so because I was an obedient child with no interest in rocking the boat.  Also, I trusted the system (school), so to speak, to be the best way forward for me.

And this was key.  Had I not believed enough in myself as well as my surroundings, none of his bullying would have impacted me as powerfully as they did.  In other words, I wanted to become part of the system, allowing it to inhabit me and therefore spell out whatever identity I might glean from it.  Having just stepped out of elementary school into middle school, I was keening interested in towing the line due to the fact that I believed I might find a bit of new self whilst doing so.

Fast forward to today.

God put sweet Angie into my life as an (the only) awesome wife candidate back when I was close to finishing up my final year of college.  She'd been a friend up 'till that point, but our relationship had been long-distance due to her living in Houston, TX.  As you know, we eventually married, and today, that's continued forward to become 23 years of life together, most of which have been spent with our three daughters (we waited almost 6 years to procreate).

There have been times whilst mouthing off during Samson Society meetings that I've exclaimed my fantastical musings of being a porn star in lieu of Christian husband, father, architect, investment advisor, etc., and there's some truth to that rebellious outburst.  And believe it or not, I have no doubt that I'd likely be a successful gay porn star given the right opportunities, taking into consideration just how intensely demanding my flesh truly is.

Antithetical extremes, don't you think?  Dedicated family man to gay porn star.  Nevertheless, they serve as realistic boundaries (this day and age) on each end of my heart's "playing field".

Therefore, whom I typically find stationed on the sidelines relative to each of these identities, is my accuser persistently bombarding me with maleficence regarding the one I've so chosen - for such a time as this (today).  This being the identity (dedicated family man) which happens to be firmly embedded within an Endzone that at times never feels quite correct.  And this is especially true right now.

Why now?

I believe Satan's timing is linked to what he can see holistically that I cannot.  Obviously, the devil is a supernatural being who's the ruler of this world - "Prince of the Power of the Air" - or somesuch according to Scripture.  To be more specific, he's bound to be privy to how vulnerable my family situation is at this time, especially considering my oldest two daughters being teens (16 & 14).  Not to mention how massively busy my wife's workload is as an CPA.  I cite these examples in reference to my standing within our home as the patriarchal anchor.  How much pain / discord / mistrust would ensue were that anchor to be removed or dislodged due to Rob doing / participating in stupid or worse, by wholeheartedly allowing my faith to topple in light of this demonic belittlement?

Do you catch my drift?  But, oh Lord Jesus, how beat down by these accusations do I feel today!

Why does the more saccharine end of the playing field not feel correct - at times - for Rob?  Again, it's all rooted in that god forsaken word - worthlessness. 

It's frightening to be in the line of fire during this season.  Thanks be to God for Samson Society and the community of men who speak accurately into this mid-life Christian man! 

Lagniappe

No Man, Being Reared Here In The West, Dreams Of Growing Up To Become Mr. Spock

And this is because Mr. Spock was a Type B Vulcan, and Vulcans within the Star Trek universe don't allow themselves to experience lust or anger.  Plus, Vulcans only have sex when they go into heat - every 7 years or somesuch.

But primarily, it's their propensity to be Type B personas that put them within the category of "Not The Ideal Man".  Conversely, to continue with this bizarre entertainment allegory, it was (& still is) Captain Kirk whom personified the ideal.  He was the Type AA who was handsome, debonair, and always sexually virulent (willing to jump in bed with most any female alien species he found sexually attractive).

Mr. Spock would have none of that.  He was lean, serious, compliant, loyal to a fault, and thoughtful, or perhaps as we here in the western world might describe him:  sissy, fag, momma's boy, queer, freak, virgin, homo.

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This is the embodiment of Mr. Spock, but it's so not in line with our Type AA ideal here in our culture.  Tenderhearted?

What's hilarious about Samson Society is (based on my experience) the majority of men who end up within this community of men are Captain Kirks, but for Samson Society to work, Kirk personas aren't helpful one bit.  In fact, I would argue, they complicate the community much, much more than synergize it.  And that complication starts at the base level of Samson relationships - one man and his Silas.

And my proof relative to making that statement lies within the answer to the following question:  Whom would you rather have as a Silas?  Mr. Spock or Captain James T. Kirk?

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And this is where the proof lies in the pudding.  Type A's typically don't do this well due to their propensity to be control freaks, therefore in the end, despite Mr. Spock likely wanting to rip Kirk's throat out on occasion, you'd never have known it.  In fact, that particular Vulcan state of mind likely spurred him on that much more towards his end goal of total allegiance to his bestest human-friend.

In closing, Type A's and AA's also isolate with the same aplomb as they attempt to control everything and everyone and every circumstance around them constantly.  And their isolation breeds opportunity to participate in stupid due to their distance from the Spocks within their life.

So...

if you're committed to this community of men, I would argue that you cannot fully contribute well to either it nor your own self fully until you lay down your "I'm the center of the universe, a natural born leader, the best of the best" persona and replace it with "I'm committed to this community, under Christ, for the good of everyone I'm privileged to serve."

And yes, you will feel neutered at times and quite constrained, but in the end, your loyalty towards serving other men within Samson Society will not return to you empty-handed.

Due to him being integral to the series, there's logic behind why Spock was and will always embody the spirit of the beloved Star Trek.  Know too the root of the word integral is integrity.

Lagniappe

"Living In Mississippi Took 10 Years Off Of My Life."

When I heard this from my best friend from high school many years ago, I wasn't surprised.  He'd moved away after graduation with no intentions of returning.  At that particular point in time (relative to his statement), he was living in North Carolina with a friend who may now be his husband.  Reconnecting with him was one of the primary motivators for me to setup a profile on Facebook for a short stint, and yes, I had a sneaking suspicion that Greg was within a living a lifestyle of sexual sin.

Throughout this time of reconnection, thanks to the newly minted social media craze, Greg and I never actually talked.  Our only dialogue was electronic via email, therefore upon hearing this statement, I realized it was coming from a place I was neither equipped nor really interested in exploring.  He and I had spent the majority of our high school years together, therefore this level of criticism of Mississippi was akin to what I vividly remember of his extensive emotional immaturity.

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On the flip side of this statement is a Samson friend whom I first connected with a couple of three years ago.  This man is about my age, having found himself transferred to Mississippi due to his vocation a few years prior to involving himself in Samson Society.  I was privileged to be present during his first Samson Society meeting (and to eventually become his first Silas), and still today, he's chosen to attend meetings and stay committed to The Path.  What's amazing about this man is who he's now become.

It's not my place to tell his story here or otherwise, but having seen the man I saw today (at the Lakeside Pres Samson Society meeting), in contrast to who he was, it is amazing to behold.

In closing, I would argue his living in Mississippi actually added 10 years to his life due to him gaining access to a number of the Metro Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society meetings on a regular basis.  And this, of course, served to foster his journey along The Path and all the good that came from that.  Even if this man someday moves away from The Magnolia state to be closer to his childhood home or otherwise, I'm convinced that the impact God has made in and through him whilst here with us will carry forward.  I do not see the impact him living in Mississippi has made ever leaving this man.  Ever.  Thanks be to God!

Samson 2020 Spring Retreat - April 23-26th

Per Mr. Don Waller:

Men,

We will embarked on another adventure in Ocoee, TN:

                               

                When:                   April 23^rd – 26^th

                Where:                 Ocoee Retreat Center – Walnut Cabin

                What:                    Men’s Coaching Weekend, sharing your story around the camp fire, paint ball, White Water Rafting, Great Food and Fellowship.

                Cost:                      $150 covers lodging, food and paintball. (Rafting $50, incidentals: gas for vehicle you ride in $10 a piece, fast food going and coming, tip for raft guide $10).

                Transportation: Van, Sequoia and Pick- up.

We are limited to 16 – first come, first serve: so if you desire to go please email me and bring check or cash to me or Venmo account Don Waller@Don-Waller or snail mail at P.O. Box 1, Jackson, MS  39205.

What Exactly Are You Looking For Whilst Consuming Salacious Material?

I would argue that it's respect.  Respect for your own self first and foremost.

Many men (pagan or otherwise) never realize this, and why should they?  Instead, they simply pontificate about what it is they're drawn to within salacious photographic material.  And this day and age, thanks to the Internet, this can go on ad nauseum (just as the material itself can).

Of course, most boys spend some time consuming salacious material simply due to the newness of it all coupled with hormones.  Teenage boys = case in point = normal.

I believe most Christian men simply stop thinking clearly post consumption.  The guilt and shame are too much, thoroughly gumming up their synapses.  Most have been reared in environments that are such sexuality discourse vacuums that they're unequipped to even begin to handle the Pandora's Box that's been opened by said salacious photographic material.  A number of individuals cite this developmental neglect whilst describing their ramping up towards their inevitable addiction.  Perhaps.  I do know that there's a massive vulnerability there, and it's rooted in simply ill equipped Christian men facing one of the, if not the most culturally amplified identifier there is sans any real knowledge of what they're facing from the standpoint of what it's doing to them and why.

"Are you gay?  Straight?  A virgin?  Have you had sex with her / him?"

"How's your sex life?  What are you doing to make yourself more attractive?  Do you feel attractive today?"

Sex has become the the lens within our western culture that we've chosen to see humanity through, therefore due to the ubiquity of cultural influence, we find ourselves using it within a similar vein.  It's almost impossible not to.

So that's two issues at stake here, one rooted in emotions fueled by blatant, childlike ignorance and the other fueled by circumstance / setting.

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There is little respect from outside sources this day and age relative to simply being a man, and one could argue this is well deserved due to men's penchant to abuse, neglect, strongarming both women, children, and other men in order to please themselves.  But too, due to our present day global "knowledge economy", the specific attributes of being men - physical attributes in particular - do not automatically appoint us to serve as the breadwinner / protector / fighter - this day and age - within our households.  Instead, our vocational roles (& therefore familial roles), at least, have become equalized across the board.

Something else to consider.  Biblically, men are called to serve (their wives firstly), but most men within our culture cannot identify any part of themselves on any level with scripture.  Why is this?

Because the Bible is God's Word.  Written word.  In book form.

My how different the world of men would be had God either utilized a Netflix series to relay his plan for his created world or hired a couple of NFL teams to spell it out during a pre-game show!

Two more issues at stake.  Men's masculine roles being massively infringed upon / squeezed / diluted coupled with the ignorance of men relative to their cursory understanding of God's expectations for them.

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"Stave off every sin option!"  That's what my friend would say.  "Stop fertilizing that particular row of your mental garden.  Cut off that route."  You get the picture.  And it makes sense, but there's that root problem that's not being addressed.  The one that points back to the title of this post.  And I hate asking this question because it's so hard to admit to needing to be answered.

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When I was a boy (only child), a good neighborhood friend (also an only child) would have me over to his house much more often than me returning the favor likewise.  In looking back, this was because I much more enjoyed time over there than time at my own home (w/ my friend in tow).  And this was rooted in what I saw / experienced of his household and how vastly different it was than my own.

My friend's father was, by today's standards, a dirty, old man.  He was the antithesis of what I was used to seeing within my boyhood world.  The man actually looked dirty, if you know what I mean.  His skin was leathery and tan with a few murky green tattoos scattered about.  He drank whiskey and told dirty jokes.  And he was always sitting in his recliner over in the corner of their small den flipping through channels on their CRT TV as furniture.

But the most interesting thing about this man was his willingness to dialogue with us boys.  Not about school or toys, Boy Scouting (my friend and I were in the same cub scout troop) or church, but women and wine, sex and all things profane.  It was shocking at first to be around this, but so different than another friend's dad who simply laid silently on their couch all the time corpse-like.  The man was motionless whilst staring at the TV, never once acknowledging our presence as we traversed silently to and fro through their small den.

By today's standards / expectations, my friend's dad (if he were still living) would represent the ultimate politically incorrect caricature of a man, but I would argue, also by today's standards, that my memory of him embodies the perpetual anchoring of truth, relative to true manhood, from the angle of who we all would like on some level to grow up to be.  And this I believe was true despite his crustiness and unrefined influence.  I mean, you certainly had to work to see through that perimeter, but from there, he was simply to be respected.  Plus, he had a wonderful sense of humor and was genuinely a fun-loving older man.  Below is a photo of the mid '80s 4Runner.  He had one of these (it was navy blue with a black top) with a Dukes of Hazzard horn.

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1.  If you're going to love and love well, you must firstly love yourself as the man God created you to be.  And that internal love is rooted in respect (for yourself).  2.  Despite our culture's choosing to elevate sexuality as its language / rating system for life in general, we're absolutely not wise to follow suit, but as men, especially Christian men, we should be moreso enlightened to why this is effectively so (& its affecting role on us) more than anyone else.  And from there, I would argue, peace settles in, and we're sort of "in on the childishness of it all" if you know what I mean.

3.  Now, when it comes to my third point, it's simply the reality we live in.  Some guys experience a lot of background feedback from this equalization paradigm, but overall, the key, in my experience, is always tied to who exactly you're working / living with in this vein and how you're treated in turn / given an opportunity to treat / serve in return.  Specific ingredients make the recipe either soar or fall flat.

4.  And finally, here we are back at the beginning relative to acknowledging an understanding of God's word and how it can be applied to our lives today as Christians.

As an aside, my Silas and I meet weekly and we're embarking this year on taking some time to study specifics on certain Biblical men including:   

-  Moses

-  Joshua

-  Job

-  David

-  Daniel

-  Paul

-  Barnabas

I'm tasked with coming up with five questions that will be used to analyze each well.

Lagniappe

Friendly Friend To A "Super Silas"

Being a Silas to another man within Samson Society requires patience and stamina.  I recently used the analogy of serving a pro golfer as his caddy.  Hence, you're at his disposable all during the game, whether you're listening or simply walking alongside praying silently that he'll stay the course.

When I first took on this role beside another Samson man back in 2014, I immediately felt the weight of emotional responsibility bearing down on my shoulders.  Having only served one other friend (pre-Samson Society) within this capacity, I at least didn't consider myself a complete novice.  But, that being said, it was still very hard.  And what a commitment!  To answer my cellphone irregardless of how I felt at the time, to listen to my friend talk about whatever as I attempted to draw out his feelings / learn as much as I could along the way, all before ending with prayer.

In many ways, it's not unlike having an unexpected man-date two or three times a week.  And these weeks can add up to months, sometimes years.

Now, keep in mind that not every Silas relationship worked as I've previously described here.  Some were always always face to face dialogues, whether over breakfast, lunch, or coffee, therefore the rhythm of communication was different.  It just depended on the Samson man, taking into consideration his preference.  Again, it harkens back to that caddy analogy.  You serve the man you're committed to by answering the phone, responding to the text message, and showing up on cue in order for the other man to not be alone.

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And this that I've described so far is a tough truth that most Samson men deduce fairly quickly relative to how the Silas portion of The Path actually works.  Hence, some men's trepidation to commit to such a role.  From there, you end up (within the Samson Society community) with what I'll dub "Super Silases", and these are men who seem to take on the aforementioned Silas responsibilities with aplomb, thusly - inevitably - formally connecting with a plethora of other men as the years rock on.  "S-U-P-E-R  S-I-L-A-S!"

And I'm fortunate to be one of those men, and it is really cool to say that because each time I've been approached to serve within the Silas capacity, I've been further humbled as a Christian and as a friend.

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But for Samson men who're not necessarily hardwired to serve as a Silas, they're like the golfers who're solely focused on their game.  And golfers, as we all know, are all about their game.  And I get that.

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In closing, I've been serving as a Silas as of late to a man in Florida.  I was referred by Nate Larkin to this man after Nate spoke at his church in Orlando.  This man is currently and throughout 2019 involved in a Christian's men ministry dubbed "Conquer", therefore he's seen a lot of sanctification occur through that ministry alone.

Of all the stories I've heard whilst serving as a Silas, none have come close to my new friend's story.  In fact, even after walking closely with him now for a number of months, I sometimes still cannot believe what's he shared with me relative to his sin travails - over the course of his decades-long married life.  All and all though, taking into account everything I've said here, I can say wholeheartedly that it is amazing to see God work within men's lives.  To witness redemption up close and personal, as I've seen, is tantamount to being part and parcel to miracles.

But, on occasion, despite the commitment (again, detailed at length above) as another man's Silas, there's an element of obvious appreciation and connection that can sometimes develop, and this involves the golfer stopping short of stepping back up onto his pedestal despite it being his rightful place.  And that's where I'm at today with my Florida friend, and it's a gift, taking into consideration the zenith of wreckage his story represents, within my own journey, alongside many as their Silas.

As of today, I have to admit that I have less and less tolerance for listening to men.  And this makes me wonder as to whether God is tamping down on the supposed "Super Silas" that I once felt I was.  Perhaps back then it was the massive trauma from 2013, which has long since been healed, that relegated me to having the needed compassion, or maybe I'm just as arrogant, pigheaded, and impatient as I ever was.  I'm inclined today to believe it's likely the latter.  Who's to say these truth-be-told attributes aren't being exacerbated by the fact that I'm simply less inclined to be tolerant of my own frustration(s) with other men due to my present-day comfort inside of this particular Christian community of men?

Recommended Reading from Desiring God

https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-do-we-respond-to-claims-that-christianity-is-dangerous