Being a Silas to another man within Samson Society requires patience and stamina. I recently used the analogy of serving a pro golfer as his caddy. Hence, you're at his disposable all during the game, whether you're listening or simply walking alongside praying silently that he'll stay the course.
When I first took on this role beside another Samson man back in 2014, I immediately felt the weight of emotional responsibility bearing down on my shoulders. Having only served one other friend (pre-Samson Society) within this capacity, I at least didn't consider myself a complete novice. But, that being said, it was still very hard. And what a commitment! To answer my cellphone irregardless of how I felt at the time, to listen to my friend talk about whatever as I attempted to draw out his feelings / learn as much as I could along the way, all before ending with prayer.
In many ways, it's not unlike having an unexpected man-date two or three times a week. And these weeks can add up to months, sometimes years.
Now, keep in mind that not every Silas relationship worked as I've previously described here. Some were always always face to face dialogues, whether over breakfast, lunch, or coffee, therefore the rhythm of communication was different. It just depended on the Samson man, taking into consideration his preference. Again, it harkens back to that caddy analogy. You serve the man you're committed to by answering the phone, responding to the text message, and showing up on cue in order for the other man to not be alone.
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And this that I've described so far is a tough truth that most Samson men deduce fairly quickly relative to how the Silas portion of The Path actually works. Hence, some men's trepidation to commit to such a role. From there, you end up (within the Samson Society community) with what I'll dub "Super Silases", and these are men who seem to take on the aforementioned Silas responsibilities with aplomb, thusly - inevitably - formally connecting with a plethora of other men as the years rock on. "S-U-P-E-R S-I-L-A-S!"
And I'm fortunate to be one of those men, and it is really cool to say that because each time I've been approached to serve within the Silas capacity, I've been further humbled as a Christian and as a friend.
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But for Samson men who're not necessarily hardwired to serve as a Silas, they're like the golfers who're solely focused on their game. And golfers, as we all know, are all about their game. And I get that.
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In closing, I've been serving as a Silas as of late to a man in Florida. I was referred by Nate Larkin to this man after Nate spoke at his church in Orlando. This man is currently and throughout 2019 involved in a Christian's men ministry dubbed "Conquer", therefore he's seen a lot of sanctification occur through that ministry alone.
Of all the stories I've heard whilst serving as a Silas, none have come close to my new friend's story. In fact, even after walking closely with him now for a number of months, I sometimes still cannot believe what's he shared with me relative to his sin travails - over the course of his decades-long married life. All and all though, taking into account everything I've said here, I can say wholeheartedly that it is amazing to see God work within men's lives. To witness redemption up close and personal, as I've seen, is tantamount to being part and parcel to miracles.
But, on occasion, despite the commitment (again, detailed at length above) as another man's Silas, there's an element of obvious appreciation and connection that can sometimes develop, and this involves the golfer stopping short of stepping back up onto his pedestal despite it being his rightful place. And that's where I'm at today with my Florida friend, and it's a gift, taking into consideration the zenith of wreckage his story represents, within my own journey, alongside many as their Silas.
As of today, I have to admit that I have less and less tolerance for listening to men. And this makes me wonder as to whether God is tamping down on the supposed "Super Silas" that I once felt I was. Perhaps back then it was the massive trauma from 2013, which has long since been healed, that relegated me to having the needed compassion, or maybe I'm just as arrogant, pigheaded, and impatient as I ever was. I'm inclined today to believe it's likely the latter. Who's to say these truth-be-told attributes aren't being exacerbated by the fact that I'm simply less inclined to be tolerant of my own frustration(s) with other men due to my present-day comfort inside of this particular Christian community of men?
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Friday, January 10, 2020
Thursday, January 9, 2020
Sunday, January 5, 2020
Philippians 2:4
Our family took a short vacation over the past few days up to Yazoo county. My wife's deceased uncle left his 4 children a spectacular farmhouse there that we're privileged to gain access to on occasion. It sits on 60 pastoral acres, and the terrain there is quite un-Mississippi like (hilly). To sum it up, the hardwood trees are spectacular and the 3 ponds bucolic. We absolutely love spending time there, stealing away (pro bono) from the city.
Not long after Angie and I were married 23 years ago, this same uncle hosted Thanksgiving at his home in Yazoo City (the county seat of Yazoo county). I remember driving up with my wife's family and her brother to spend Thanksgiving lunch with everyone there. Their home (now sold off) sat on the country club golf course and the layout was very much unlike what I expected to see ('70s modern). This was the only time I recall Thanksgiving being hosted at this venue.
After a couple of three hours of familial investing around the dinner table, we departed for Jackson. Our time there had been delightful. My wife's family was so welcoming and engaging. I was thrilled to have had the opportunity to take part, therefore even today, as I'm coming off of our mini-vacation, I'm nostalgic relative to that day decades prior.
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One of the first attributes of my in-laws that I was made aware of as their son-in-law was their refined palettes. It was obvious from the getgo that meals for them were especially savored, whether they were served at their home or eaten out. This was not what I'd ever witnessed prior within my own home. The Turners didn't take the time to savor food. There were too many other things to move on to after breakfast / lunch / dinner, if you know what I mean. And honestly, I believe my in-laws sensed that, and thought less of me for it (which whilst looking back, I can understand).
As we were backing out of the driveway from the aforementioned Thanksgiving meal in Yazoo City, I remember distinctly that the food critiquing was kicked off by my brother in-law. From there, I was in awe as I listened to everyone precisely adjudicate the meal we'd just partaken of as one would critique a film / play at the local movie house / theater. I had no idea just how outmatched / out of my league I truly was, therefore I just sat there with a big grin on my face.
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My mother is what I'm going to dub here as an amateur interior decorator / gardener, and her feng shui is hyper-focused on popular trends. In fact, the trendier, the better. One of her favorite pastimes is touring other people's homes / gardens in order to critique and steal ideas for her own home / garden. As an only child (boy), I was always interested in hanging out with friends in order to counteract the inherent singular boredom. My mom, on occasion, would strongly hint that hanging out at other kids' abodes would be doing her a favor in light of the work that entailed having to tidy up her masterpiece after us "hoodlums". I share that here as an example of just how invested she was / is in her home. It is and always has been truly spectacular.
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There is great wisdom in looking closely at one's surroundings in order to understand to the best of your biased ability who you are in context to those around you, but to also do this with other people's feelings / spiritual value in mind is truly an extraordinary feat.
In order to do so, one must have humility overlayed with care and concern. And those traits are not of man's flesh. Not at all. Hence, the mandate of the transformational gospel must come into play.
One thing, I have found, that helps though is being cognizant of your own brokenness (sin nature) and exactly how crippling it truly is / has been. Being able to name it, explain it, quantify it - so to speak - puts your outlook at an advantage here and hopefully will guardrail you from ALSO dragging others under as well (when you do choose to give into your rebellious nature).
But, I have to admit, it's finding that balance that's such a challenge for me. I can be so critical whilst tapping into my observational / critiquing skills, never once taking into consideration how my adjudication might be received. And the opposite too can occur. Years ago, I took it upon myself to compliment another Samson man's courageous approach to an outdoor endeavor we both chose to take part in one Summer afternoon, and from there, due exclusively to my approach, I put our friendship over the edge.
It is very hard for me to know exactly how to execute the wisdom of this verse day to day. Nevertheless, I do believe the best approach is a cautionary one mated to that age-old reminder (for me and everyone else) that I'm truly the most fucked up of all. May God grant me the wisdom to live out Philippians 2:4 to his glory within 2020!
Not long after Angie and I were married 23 years ago, this same uncle hosted Thanksgiving at his home in Yazoo City (the county seat of Yazoo county). I remember driving up with my wife's family and her brother to spend Thanksgiving lunch with everyone there. Their home (now sold off) sat on the country club golf course and the layout was very much unlike what I expected to see ('70s modern). This was the only time I recall Thanksgiving being hosted at this venue.
After a couple of three hours of familial investing around the dinner table, we departed for Jackson. Our time there had been delightful. My wife's family was so welcoming and engaging. I was thrilled to have had the opportunity to take part, therefore even today, as I'm coming off of our mini-vacation, I'm nostalgic relative to that day decades prior.
-------------------------
One of the first attributes of my in-laws that I was made aware of as their son-in-law was their refined palettes. It was obvious from the getgo that meals for them were especially savored, whether they were served at their home or eaten out. This was not what I'd ever witnessed prior within my own home. The Turners didn't take the time to savor food. There were too many other things to move on to after breakfast / lunch / dinner, if you know what I mean. And honestly, I believe my in-laws sensed that, and thought less of me for it (which whilst looking back, I can understand).
As we were backing out of the driveway from the aforementioned Thanksgiving meal in Yazoo City, I remember distinctly that the food critiquing was kicked off by my brother in-law. From there, I was in awe as I listened to everyone precisely adjudicate the meal we'd just partaken of as one would critique a film / play at the local movie house / theater. I had no idea just how outmatched / out of my league I truly was, therefore I just sat there with a big grin on my face.
-------------------------
My mother is what I'm going to dub here as an amateur interior decorator / gardener, and her feng shui is hyper-focused on popular trends. In fact, the trendier, the better. One of her favorite pastimes is touring other people's homes / gardens in order to critique and steal ideas for her own home / garden. As an only child (boy), I was always interested in hanging out with friends in order to counteract the inherent singular boredom. My mom, on occasion, would strongly hint that hanging out at other kids' abodes would be doing her a favor in light of the work that entailed having to tidy up her masterpiece after us "hoodlums". I share that here as an example of just how invested she was / is in her home. It is and always has been truly spectacular.
-------------------------
There is great wisdom in looking closely at one's surroundings in order to understand to the best of your biased ability who you are in context to those around you, but to also do this with other people's feelings / spiritual value in mind is truly an extraordinary feat.
In order to do so, one must have humility overlayed with care and concern. And those traits are not of man's flesh. Not at all. Hence, the mandate of the transformational gospel must come into play.
One thing, I have found, that helps though is being cognizant of your own brokenness (sin nature) and exactly how crippling it truly is / has been. Being able to name it, explain it, quantify it - so to speak - puts your outlook at an advantage here and hopefully will guardrail you from ALSO dragging others under as well (when you do choose to give into your rebellious nature).
But, I have to admit, it's finding that balance that's such a challenge for me. I can be so critical whilst tapping into my observational / critiquing skills, never once taking into consideration how my adjudication might be received. And the opposite too can occur. Years ago, I took it upon myself to compliment another Samson man's courageous approach to an outdoor endeavor we both chose to take part in one Summer afternoon, and from there, due exclusively to my approach, I put our friendship over the edge.
It is very hard for me to know exactly how to execute the wisdom of this verse day to day. Nevertheless, I do believe the best approach is a cautionary one mated to that age-old reminder (for me and everyone else) that I'm truly the most fucked up of all. May God grant me the wisdom to live out Philippians 2:4 to his glory within 2020!
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Emotional Achilles' Heel
I believe every man is wise to work to identify his emotional Achilles' Heel.
Not an emotion itself, but circumstantially (in general terms), what might very well bring about emotional trauma.
I realize we cannot forecast how vulnerable our hearts are situation to situation. It's impossible to know exactly what emotional fallout (if any) will occur 'till we experience it, but we can, again in general terms, look to our needs to identify our potential weaknesses.
For me, it all points back to what I discussed within a former blog post which focused on mentoring.
Not an emotion itself, but circumstantially (in general terms), what might very well bring about emotional trauma.
I realize we cannot forecast how vulnerable our hearts are situation to situation. It's impossible to know exactly what emotional fallout (if any) will occur 'till we experience it, but we can, again in general terms, look to our needs to identify our potential weaknesses.
For me, it all points back to what I discussed within a former blog post which focused on mentoring.
Libido
The Bible addresses an awful lot of practical items, and libido is one of those (just barely).
The apostle Paul mentions it in his writings as a qualifier for marrying versus staying single. Of course we all know that marriage's primary identifier is a consensual, monogamous sex life which takes the work and the risk out of managing one's libido.
So what exactly is libido?
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One of the smartest men I know shared with me that despite the fact that he was homeschooled (by his pastor parents) prior to pursuing his engineering degree from a very reputable public university, masturbation was never looped into the curriculum. Therefore, not unlike the majority of us, he was also just as much left in the dark as we were (within adolescence) as to what to make of our sexual desires.
I mean, if you can't talk openly about libido at your home school...you know there's a problem / disconnect in discussing sexuality period.
I can remember so vividly hearing Dr. James Dobson address adolescent libido to his audience of conservative Christian (mostly women) by regurgitating the mantra he divulged to his son, Ryan. And that was, "...try not to masturbate too much, son."
Wow. Really, Dr. Dobson? That's it?
The apostle Paul mentions it in his writings as a qualifier for marrying versus staying single. Of course we all know that marriage's primary identifier is a consensual, monogamous sex life which takes the work and the risk out of managing one's libido.
So what exactly is libido?
-------------------------
One of the smartest men I know shared with me that despite the fact that he was homeschooled (by his pastor parents) prior to pursuing his engineering degree from a very reputable public university, masturbation was never looped into the curriculum. Therefore, not unlike the majority of us, he was also just as much left in the dark as we were (within adolescence) as to what to make of our sexual desires.
I mean, if you can't talk openly about libido at your home school...you know there's a problem / disconnect in discussing sexuality period.
I can remember so vividly hearing Dr. James Dobson address adolescent libido to his audience of conservative Christian (mostly women) by regurgitating the mantra he divulged to his son, Ryan. And that was, "...try not to masturbate too much, son."
Wow. Really, Dr. Dobson? That's it?
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