23 Damn Good Pieces Of Marriage Advice All Couples Need To Read (fatherly.com)
Thursday, November 10, 2022
Wednesday, November 9, 2022
Tuesday, November 8, 2022
Cruelty In Samson Society (There Are No Referees)
If you've been engaged within Samson Society for any length of time, you've likely been the victim of some cruelty. And on the flip side of that, you've likely instigated some regretful words / actions you yourself onto your Samson brothers.
I can recall the first time this happened to me. I'd attended a funeral - out of town - with a Samson guy who also knew my parents (Bob & Darlene). As we were driving back to Jackson, he asked me a rhetorical question that was so heartless to receive. I remember simply sitting there within the passenger seat of his SUV stunned speechless.
And unfortunately, it changed my mindset regarding this trusted Samson guy forever. For I knew exactly where his pointed question had originated: envy / mistrust and cruelty.
And it hurt intensely to be his vulnerable target on that day.
But cruelty is fun. You have to admit to it. Especially when you're tired or bored or simply becoming annoyed of someone's mundanity / quirks. And I believe that's what happened in this case. For my Samson brother was / is from a big bio family (brothers galore) where the expected posturing was no doubt prevalent. I'm from a tiny family (only child), and I loathe / condone posturing of any ilk.
Have I forgiven this man? Absolutely. Yet, I won't (& haven't) be spending much (extended) one-on-one time with him ever again (unless absolutely necessary). For I feel so moved to protect myself from his cruel interrogation bent.
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Thanks to Samson Society, I quickly befriended a young Alabamian who'd been transferred (with his young family) to the Jackson Metro due to this vocation. This young AL Samson guy was initially invited to the Lakeside Pres Samson Society meeting (which I was facilitating) and chose to attend.
With just a handful of Samson Society meetings under his belt, it became apparent to me that he'd became mesmerized by Rob. And when I say mesmerized, I'm talking he put me on a pedestal that was stratospheric.
Yet, he loathed Mississippi(ans), his work in Mississippi, the church they (he & his wife & child) were attending, and he'd no real interest anymore in his faith (in spite of the fact that he was a homeschooled pastor's son).
But there was one thing that he could not stop ruminating on: the exceedingly sexy Human Resources Officer at his work who he'd slyly befriended. For this intoxicating relationship was unlike any he'd ever experienced.
I can remember reaching out to one of the Elders of our church in order to schedule times to pray specifically for this young Alabamian. I also prayed with my mother (this was a first) in the same vein. For my young Samson friend's marriage was in tatters due to this "emotional affair", and he was so incredibly despondent / conflicted overall. Yet, throughout, he was unusually bright and articulate. Funny and kindhearted. All of which drew me to him.
And then further down the road he admitted to being clinically depressed. Or so he thought.
I concurred, strongly urging him to seek therapeutic help. At this point, I was exhausted as his friend. The constant negativity / hypercriticality was overwhelming to bear. "GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!" "GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!" "GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!"
As a result, all regularly scheduled communication ceased. No more emails. No more meetings (draft beer drinking) in my garage. Eventually, he took the opportunity to benignly chew my ass out relative to his now shunning prerogative (to protect himself from demon Rob?). He even went so far as to tell me he'd be happy to meet with me further, at any point in the future, so long as it wasn't one-on-one. WTF?
Now, keep in mind, he did thank me respectfully for my time / effort invested whilst making it clear that my platonic services were no longer needed. Thank you very much.
You're welcome?!? Good riddance.
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Seething within Samson guys is often hard to continually stomach. Particularly when it's aimed upwards. A lot of guys have such a difficult time resisting the temptation to rank themselves against each other (out of anger). Especially if their past travails are far darker (within their own eyes) than your own. Pettiness can grow out of this imbalance therein. And it can metastasize slowly over the years. I've had to decouple myself from Samson men as a result. Men who'd become childish with their quips and petty overcorrections. Thanks be to God for the ability to block contacts on smartphones. It's the Steve Jobs' equivalent of a discreet exit.
I realize that may sound cruel on its own accord, but keep in mind that I gave these Samson men years and years of rope to either hang themselves with or build a bridge (between us). Per my experience, anger bequeaths the former almost every time. It is a tough, tough emotion to bear within friendship.
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The wives of local Samson guys can torpedo friendships within the Samson community. Especially if they found themselves responsible for steering the familial ship during their Samson husband's "acting out" (neglectful) years (decades?).
Suggest to that Samson husband (as his Silas) his need to NOW (accounting for his active recovery efforts) take the reins relative to shoring up marginalized areas of his clan (sans the wife's blessing), and she may very well demonize you in an effort to fortify her comfortable leadership perch.
And this being no matter how much time / effort / resolve you've poured into her man. Her control (or sense thereof) may very well take precedent (out of fear).
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And finally, there're simply bad days for every Samson guy. Days where fatigue and emotional exhaustion are too much. Align those conditions with two (or more) Samson guys who've known (& trusted) each other for many years, and you can potentially have a recipe for relational fallout (of the most intense sort) in just a matter of minutes. For the tongue is full of poison.
I had this happen to me at the last in-person Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society meeting I attended (October '21). In fact, the situation escalated so quickly that my heart absolutely breaks whilst thinking back on it.
So many painful words. So much rubble left behind relative to that / those friendship(s).
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During the live podcast recording at the 2022 National Samson Society Retreat last weekend, one of the Jackson, Mississippi Samson guys who attended cited (in general terms) his own hurtful experiences within the local Samson Society here within the Jackson Metro area. In doing so, (I believe) he'd hoped forlornly (from Mr. Nate Larkin & Mr. Aaron Porter) for some antidote to these horrible relational failures which cause such tremendous pain / disappointment.
I silently appreciated (I was in the audience) this young man's courage to bring this to our fearless Samson Society leaders. For it's what instigated me to finally write this post.
Genuine Samson Society relationships are hard. That's why most men aren't interested therein. There're no guardrails. There're no referees. In fact, the Samson Society charter doesn't address any sort of "Code of Conduct" for a Samson guy. And that's intentional, for sure.
As Christians, we're called to put others before ourselves. Yet, even within scripture, we can see friendships between Bible characters pivot or sour altogether (sometimes violently).
What I've found is God uses these developments too. For I've never become bitter, only further hopeful, motivating me to anticipate what's next relative to platonic connection and love within this ministry.
Be forewarned. Don't adjudicate the ministry of Samson Society itself solely through the lens of your inevitable Samson guys' relational heartache. Jesus' disciples fought / loved hard, yet they never lost sight of their purpose in following their Lord together.
This photo was taken during last weekend's 2022 National Samson Society Retreat. It represents the current lineup of Samson guys who attend "Make Thursdays Great Again" on Thursday nights at 7 PM CST (virtual Samson Society meeting). As you can see, our virtual Samson group was well represented amongst the 150+ Samson guys who attended this wonderful retreat.
Monday, November 7, 2022
What Is The Primary Purpose Of Samson Society? / How Are You Investing Your Time?
The primary purpose of Samson Society is for you yourself to exploit / take advantage of it to whatever degree you feel so moved relative to your personal recovery.
Samson Society costs nothing to participate in (except time). Its start was a tome written and published in the past few decades (2007). A tome which inspired men to begin meeting / following the simple format introduced. It was very grassroots with absolutely zero forecasted goals / established milestones (Mr. Nate Larkin's book sales weren't noteworthy).
Not long thereafter, "48 Hours of Frankness" weekends were spun-off along with a podcast and eventually National Retreats (the tenth of which will be held in 2023 - National Samson Society Summit).
Samson House (nonprofit arm of Samson Society) came to fruition around the halfway point of said annual National Retreats. As such, Samson Society's digital presence was upgraded dramatically, making this men's ministry more and more accessible (primarily via a plethora of scheduled / weekly Zoom Samson Society meeting opportunities).
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For Rob, here's how I specifically (personal journey) took advantage (time invested therein) of Samson Society (since 2014): After spending a few years within the mothership Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society group (starting in August 2014), I felt so moved to support the first "breakout" Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society group (Grace Crossing Church - Gluckstadt). I spent one year there, watching it bless that church / suburban metro area immensely. Eventually, I spearheaded a Samson Society group at my own church, Lakeside Presbyterian Church. I facilitated there for four years, every Saturday morning at 7 AM. What was so pleasing to see therein (besides the blessings that came from the meeting itself) was the spinoff meetings that reproduced as a result of our church's effort to support men so generously. Specifically, young (much younger than Rob) Samson guys took the bull by the horns and positioned Samson Society groups at their own home churches within the Jackson Metro.
I couldn't resist participating in the National Samson Society retreats throughout these years. Perhaps I've attended 5 or possibly 6 total, all of which were held in Middle Tennessee.
Too, I've attended 3-4 Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society specific retreats (organized by Mr. Don Waller). Not to mention a few regional (supported by Samson Society National) retreats both in GA and AL. And all of these were very beneficial to Rob's recovery for such a time as that.
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I'm me. You're you. The notion of plunging headfirst into Samson Society as I have may not be for you.
Nonetheless, I have to tout my Silas 3.0 (he began engaging with Samson Society back in April of 2022) at this point relative to me beginning to (trend) see him exploit / take advantage of this wonderful ministry within the same vein (gusto) that I have throughout the past eight years.
What's cool about this is how longstanding (15+ years) my friendship has been with this man / his family / extended family. Know too, our friendship was built on our sharing our mutual stories relative to sexual sin (it was awkward to say the least) at the outset (he was 30 / I was 35).
Who'd a thunk? (I realize I've stated that prior.)
Nonetheless, his approach to Samson Society feels validating to Rob, and I really appreciate that. It's weird to no longer be such the loner-Samson Society (holistic) zealot that I've sort of always been.
I'm so grateful for my Silas 3.0. His presence / commitment has made the less-than-supremely comfortable times (like at the present) within Samson Society worth it.
In closing, I'm happy to report that he and I are already both registered for the 2023 National Samson Society Retreat at Sky Ranch in East Texas.
Friday, November 4, 2022
Monday, October 31, 2022
Saturday, October 29, 2022
Wife Material
Based on my observations / experience, here're some mainstays relative to choosing a wife you'll want to stay married to "'till death do us part".
1. She wasn't reared within a substantially (ultra) materially wealthy home (with all the typical trappings).
2. She doesn't smoke cigarettes.
3. She knows how to cook food (& enjoys the process of preparing meals / expanding her knowledge therein).
4. She isn't constantly picking up stray animals / rescuing them by bringing them home as permanent residents.
5. She clearly understands that married women DO NOT have intimate (close) male friends (no matter their sexual preference).
6. She's abhorrent towards the idea of gratuitously posting selfies on social media, and likewise, strategically categorizes social media as a juvenile time-waster.
7. She's willing to yield to her husband.
8. She's not mentally ill (or showing signs of severe mental illness).
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& now for my commentary regarding each of these:
1. Women who're reared in ultra-material wealth typically look to marry into a similarly portfolio-ed tribe. If your fam is within that category, then this #1 doesn't apply to you. Go right ahead and marry that silver spoon. But if you're a plebeian from a plebeian tribe, my advice is to steer clear of these ladies.
And only because their demographic expectations may very well put a substantial amount of pressure on you as her husband. Plus, based on what I've observed, ultra-wealthy in-laws often leverage much of their influence via their ability to shower material gifts that are far from appropriate. And this can especially be problematic when grandchildren come on the scene.
Ultimately, if you find yourself seriously romantically involved within one of these monetarily asymmetrical setups, take some substantial time to query your love about her "standard of living" ideals going forward - 5, 15, 25 years into the future.
2. My wife worked as the CFO of a software company years ago, and one of the three owners was a woman who smoked cigarettes. She was in her early 60s at the time, and no doubt had a college degree, having had the vocational success she'd achieved. But, she hid the cigarette smoking as best she could because she knew, just as everyone else did, that it reflected a serious personality flaw of hers.
Professional men typically smoke (though not always) as a means to demarcate their community. Professional women smoke because it's a crutch.
You shouldn't be involved with a woman who's on crutches.
3. In line with this simple-to-understand statement is the following truth: EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD BE ABLE TO PREPARE THE SAME MEAL HIS WIFE DOES (just not as expertly). The best way to avoid family budget crisis is to meal plan / prepare 99% of meals at home. And this includes meals (lunch) that are consumed during work hours. Restaurants of every ilk have exploded in popularity over the past 25 years. Compared to my growing-up years during the '80s, the concentrated quantity of restaurants is absolutely staggering. Mated to that are all the gimmicks they offer up to us consumers. From smartphone apps to drive-through options, it's absolutely mind blowing.
If your wife loathes cooking, and there's a houseful of mouths to feed, that's a problem. Now, if you're (hubby) up to doing all the meal planning and cooking, so be it. But here's the caveat: Somebody's got to shop for the food that's prepared at home. In essence, they've got to take the meal plan, generate a grocery list and purchase those items. From there, those items must be transported home, unloaded and put away.
In our household, for the most part, that's (grocery shopper) always been my job.
4. That's a no brainer. No commentary needed.
5. This too is a no brainer. If a woman will not embrace this level of respect for her man (future husband), she' not wife material.
6. Isn't it sad that I have to include this within the list? Are you wanting to marry a girl or a woman? If it's the latter, there's a definitive mindset towards time-wasting vices like these that will be apparent to you.
7. Wives who're willing to yield recognize that marriages cannot be two-headed. Marriage is not a democracy or a 50/50 partnership. If it were, it would eventually tear itself apart.
Now, wives can certainly interject their opinion, waxing poetic regarding the situation at hand, but ultimately, it comes down to the husband bringing finality to the matter (with grace & dignity).
If you examine popular culture's take on marriage (television), you'll never see this complementary hierarchy in action. Typically, the husband is an idiot, and therefore the wife is left to lead cunningly. Sometimes too, you'll see whatever scripted, insignificant ordeal resolve "on its own creative accord" in spite of the conflicted opinions between the spouses. All this downplays the yielding that someone's got to buy into within marriage. A yielding that (if originating from the wife) embodies the utmost respect for her husband and his competency as the head of the household.
8. This too is self-explanatory. Marriage is hard enough as it is, much less with a woman who's struggling with serious (very difficult to treat) mental illness issues (bipolar, clinical depression, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia).
Tuesday, October 25, 2022
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