Recommended Reading From Desiring God

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/uncommon-brothers

Samson Society Meetings Are No Place For Incessant, Extremist Political Rhetoric

During a Samson Society after-meeting, I can recall a Samson man telling me his wife was an extremely vocal Flat-Earther, and this incited extreme bouts of anger within him as her husband.  

I remember pitying this man and wanting to help, but overall I felt so powerless to do anything.

That same feeling is where I'm at this morning.  

-------------------------

Samson Society meetings are unique in that every man who attends has an opportunity to allow the Holy Spirit to speak in and through him relative to the suggested topic or otherwise, and the point of this is for guys to come away feeling encouraged, loved, challenged, etc.  But, you'll note here that I didn't include the word powerless.

There should never be a point in time where someone steps away from a Samson meeting and feels this way, especially whilst taking our Christian faith into consideration.  But, incessant, extremist political rhetoric effectively seeds that powerless feeling within other men most every time, and this is why it should have no place within our community of men.

If Samson Society had a different purpose, obviously I wouldn't be writing this particular post.  

If you don't agree with me here, I would ask that you do one of two things.

    1.  Take a break from attending Samson Society meetings.

    2.  Leave our community entirely in order to find somewhere else whose focus is on topics that fall in     line with your desire to spew incessant, extremist political rhetoric.

Thanks so much.  

Recommended Reading From J.D. Greear

https://jdgreear.com/blog/how-to-be-like-christ-when-youre-slandered/

Recommended Reading from Desiring God

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-world-needs-more-faithful-men

Nonconfrontational / Passive Aggressive Men & Hyper-confrontational / "Pick a Fight" Men - Who Are These?

The first thing to say here is you're (as a Christian) only in the right whilst serving both yourself and them (these type men) by choosing to exhibit an extra measure of patience and grace.  And taking your own temperance and experience (w/ these personality types) into account, only then will you have any semblance of a forecast for how challenging it may or may not be to manage the relationship - long-term.

So, let's talk about experience - both real world and forecasted.

There are many, many Christians who hang their hats on the astrology-like Enneagram of Personality phenomena.  There's a test and from there, one of nine types becomes your dominant persona.  Afterwards, this info is meant to plug some holes relative to your own story (relational history) and provide you with a broader understanding of those around you going forward.  Harmless fun, I suppose.

What I've found is individuals who embrace this pseudoscience are seeking relational answers (w/ both themselves and others) that's often motivated because of cursory historical failures.  And I get that.  Everyone wants guidance on fostering / understanding future relationships better.  But this Enneagram stuff reminds me too much of astrology which reeks of witchcraft.  That's just my opinion.

 A couple of three months ago, I had lunch with a very old friend who'd been deeply betrayed professionally & platonically by a couple of well respected local business partners whom he'd known (& been in partnership with) for well over a decade.  The point of me having lunch with him was to listen well and in turn do my darndest to encourage.  One of the most surprising things he did though during our juncture was qualify the personalities (including his own) involved in this massive betrayal. And this ancestral justification was unlike anything I'd heard from anyone (within his shoes) before. 

All that being said, it was just plain weird hearing this from my old friend, but I assumed it represented procedurally how he was attempting to handle the trauma / fallout from having been sideswiped by both a passive aggressive and hyper-confrontational "elder" simultaneously, having tolerated / mediated between their behavior(s) for as long as he had.

------------------------

My best friend in middle school was a pagan and subsequently came from a pagan, divorced family, therefore both his parents had separate, established households - one in rural Madison county and another in Canton.  I really enjoyed spending time with this boy because of his paganism and how that permeated throughout his family's multiple households.

One summer evening, I "spent the night" with Dean at his father's home in Canton.  Unfortunately though, the HVAC system within the upstairs portion of the large 4-bedroom (3 or which were upstairs) home had failed, therefore we sure as heck weren't going to be sleeping upstairs as we usually did.

I vividly remember as a result of this, having to sleep on the couch in the living room downstairs.  What was strange to me about this setup though was the staircase emptied into this same space, yet if you chose to take the time to climb them to the landing, immediately you'd feel the much warmer air lingering above.  Experiencing firsthand this atmospheric phenomena (hot air rises only) was new to me having only lived in a single-story rancher.  Later on down the road, the whole notion of HVAC zoning did begin to further make sense to me, further differentiating 3-D space / volume relative to my understanding as an architect.

-------------------------

There are portions of every man's life that are uncomfortable to face, and oftentimes, these areas or "rooms" involve default relationships - personal or professional.  The passive aggressive man tends to steer clear of these areas at all costs, yet his inverse, the hyper-confrontational man does the opposite.

The modus operandi here for each man, I believe, finds its root in historical precedent.  Sticking with the old adage, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".

The unfortunate outcome of all of this though is as follows.  These particular personality traits can often seem to take on a life of their own, especially as men approach middle-age (& get set in their ways).  From there, you're inevitably setup to be pigeonholed relative to your reputation.

-------------------------

Now, let's close with where I began, and please know I'm speaking to my own self here as well.

As a Christian, we're called to have faith, not fear, and endure (I said endure, not endear).  And this can certainly be attributed as well to managing relationships with ALL types of men.

I find though that it's easier to do this well when you're able to recognize exactly whom you're dealing with in advance of facing the outcome / ramifications of their particular bent.

The temptation here though is to second guess these gents before you've given them the opportunity to act / react.  Don't do that.  

Let me repeat what I wrote earlier:  

You're only in the right whilst serving both yourself and them (these type men) by choosing to exhibit an extra measure of patience and grace.  Give it today as a Christ-follower in spades..

Recommended Viewing (Sans profanity)

Recommended viewing (Profanity laden)

Recommended Reading from JD Greear

https://jdgreear.com/blog/why-you-should-make-jesus-the-main-character-of-your-story/

Recommended Reading From Desiring God

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/seeing-the-world-in-black-and-white

Justifying Spiritual Neglect (God Doesn't Really Exist)

"I have to read the passages two or three times to make sense of it." - Typical Bible reader

-------------------------

We have a neighbor, a weekend dad who lives alone, who neglects his property to the point that the HOA has at times had to step in and make necessary repairs.  He's lived at the address for a number of years, but never ventures out of doors.  Therefore, his yard, fence, etc. don't really exist within his mind.

But for those of us who live adjacent, we cannot ignore the obvious as his lot becomes an overgrown mess and his fencing collapses in on itself.

-------------------------

Physical, mental, spiritual, emotional.  Those are the four areas of humanity.  Each should be nurtured and tended to, and arguably, each are of equal importance.

Which of the four is elevated culturally as most important?

Physical, of course.

Conversely, which of the four is least respected / considered relevant?

Spiritual.

Some would argue that mental / emotional are the same.  I disagree.

-------------------------

When I was a younger man, I did my fair share of neglecting my spiritual self.  In fact, often weeks / months would go by without me ever picking up my Bible at all.  Instead, I depended on listening to others teach Scripture to me - typically at church.  

And it showed.  

My propensity for sexual sin was rampant during this time.  Lust was my fallback for whenever I was bored / distracted in the least.  

In fact, I would go so far as to say that I loathed reading God's word.  Because...

"I have to read the passages two or three times to make sense of it." - Typical Bible reader

-------------------------

And honestly, I wish I knew what changed all of that, but my assumption is it had to do with me becoming a middle age man who found himself ministering to younger men.  That, coupled with me wanting to explore Scripture as I saw other middle-aged men explore motivated me to step outside of my comfort / lazy zone - so to speak.  

What's sad is when spiritual neglect sets in, it feels absolutely okay to embrace due to a few key elements.  1) Often, the adjacent traits of humanity provide far easier "cultural returns" to oneself whilst catering to them.  2) Spiritual neglect can, at times, seem super easy to hide from everyone else.  In fact, with the proliferation of sinful behavior (especially if it's private), it can almost seem impossible to justify even trying to "make the situation right".

--------------------------

The hardest part regarding all of this is I cannot control / influence my neighbor's priorities.  Despite the fact that they're right there in my face each and every day.  Sheesh.  Get a grip dude.  You're hurting everyone around you by not prioritizing your spiritual health / well-being.

Lagniappe

Packaged sin

I happened upon this SinsTV YouTube channel last week (thanks to YouTube's algorithm).  I decided to view the video I've posted here and as a result, the content has continually reverberated through my brain during the course of the weekend.

To me, this video represents a motive that's no different than the following:  Being the proprietor of a local gas station that sells gas out front, but once you're inside the building, everything from that point points toward the ginormous "Beer Cave" (walk-in booze cooler) on the back wall.

The point here is this.  What's the most effective means to hide ugly, destructive truths?  

Package it as something else entirely.

-------------------------

We have a neighbor who's a graphic designer who specializes in designing packaging for restaurants.  Back in the day, restaurants used a standardized package family across the board.  These were akin to simple grocery bags that were either white or brown in color.  

Chick-Fil-A restaurant was one of the first (like McDonald's) to go all out on food packaging.  Regarding the former, the fried chicken sandwich package is an actual AL foil bag that's designed to be neatly folded on one end (or at least it was for decades and decades).  It's a brilliantly simple solution that's a joy to unfurl prior to consuming your high carb, sugar, fat, sodium fried chicken sandwich.  

McDonald's packaging is even more over the top.  Perhaps you'll recall their McDLT hamburger package. 

And I must admit, I was one of the first in line for this very average tasting yet cleverly packaged McDonald's hamburger back in the '80s.

-------------------------

So what influence exactly does packaging have on us as consumers?

First impressions mean the world to us as westerners.  Hence, we work extra hard for curb appeal all around.  In line with that is our hyper reliance on what we see with our own two eyes relative to placing value on someone or something.  The Bible dismisses this MO and instead focuses on God's deftness at measuring the worth of a man via his heart.

Of course, this is where we fall flat as consumers.  For we are sheep.  And sheep are low intelligence herding animals.  Therefore, we're ripe for being deceived time and time again.

Many people believe women are more susceptible to these packaged deceptions than men.  I don't believe that's necessarily the case, but I do believe women are more emotional than we are.  And that can drive them moreso towards groupthink especially if negative feelings are involved.

-------------------------

The Old Testament details Abraham obeying God's command whilst circumcising everyone within his household as a sign of God's covenant to him and his people.  This was a visual reminder of whom they were as God's children, and it served to instantly demarcate this group of elect from everyone else on planet Earth.

Fast forward to the book of Romans where the apostle Paul divulges the internal circumcision of the heart, a New Testament revelation to those sophisticates there in Rome.  This was the bypass, so to speak, that took man's eyes out of the equation.  

You cannot rely on anyone but God through his Holy Spirit to best discern where, how, and in what capacity to invest your time and energy.  By reading his Word daily, the Holy Spirit instructs, challenges and convicts, taking where you're at into consideration along the way.  And this is our only hope as Christians relative to tuning our hearts correctly - in real time - towards our Heavenly Father and his wishes for us as men.   

For our world continues to slicken its pitches and brightens its packaging using all manner of tools at its disposal.  And it does so to seemingly homogenize its intent whilst pulling us farther and farther away from righteousness.  Therefore, be on your guard.

Collaborative

Samson Society is about, at its very core, collaboration, and the inarguable proof regarding this is only truly tangible whilst attending a national retreat.  For it's there where you experience waves of collaborative synergy as men relinquish their pride amongst so many other openly broken, seeking to recover from their own humanity men.  

Collaboration involves risk.  Hence, many men refuse to step into community or even more telling, will subsequently abandon community (once enlightened as to what they've actually stepped into) when too much collaboration is asked of them.

The risk is centered on losing / relinquishing one's standalone identity.  

Identity is of critical importance to every man, but arguably much moreso by those men whose self-worth is equated to maximum personal performance.  I find that these men idolize it (identity), and from there, use it as a constant point of reference, asking themselves internal questions like...

"What protects my face the best within this situation?  How can I gain most from this experience?"

It's easy to mistake this issue with certain men's (especially Christians) tendency to skew black or white relative to their worldview.  And that's so because we'd like to believe they are somewhat compassionate overall, therefore it's surely their point of view that's more or less in control.  But, I don't believe that's it at all.  Instead, it's a self-centeredness.  Hence, a hyper-pursuit of protecting / considering the needs of oneself exclusively, prioritizes all intelligence, creativity, passion in that general direction. 

-------------------------

Collaboration between men is also seen by some guys as way too womanly.  

This can also be off putting for some men and their involvement within Samson Society.  Women are known for relating well to each other within groups (whether it's true or not).  Men are not.  Hence, this can be tantamount to immediately disqualifying the notion of joining in if you happen to have a penis and testicles.  

-------------------------

I want to take you back to my early days of involvement within the Metro Jackson Samson Society in order to prove my point here regarding the C word.  Back to the day when there was only one group here in the Jackson Metro.  

Overall at that point in time, we had on average 10 to 15 men involved, thanks to Mr. Don Waller's thriving counseling ministry  as well as a handful of Samson guys who were willing to invite others in.  Like many men, my introduction to the group was via Mr. Waller, and I took to it like a duck to water, though deep down, I had much internal shame fueled by massive abandonment issues that I was continually pushing against.

In light of that, I bided my time by connecting formally to numerous Samson guys within our group as a Silas, and this went on for well over one year.  And then I was reminded of the undealt with shame as it refused to no longer stay hidden.  It was at that point in time that my first Silas entered the room (group).  From there, despite previously growing thoughts of making a discreet exit from Samson, I began to open up to this new friend.  Thus, the relationship became rich and helpful to me almost overnight.

My first Silas was a Type AA personality, and this radiated continually in and through him, therefore many of the other men also gravitated towards his fervor.  Coupled with that, I was quite taken with this man, and that was centered on two things.  Firstly was the fact that he wasn't in any way shape or form a Mississippian, and secondly, he initially chose to ask me to be his Silas prior to Christmas of 2015.  God did quite a work in bringing this particular man into my life at that time, and that was primarily through his willingness to allow me to be vulnerable enough to admit to my true aforementioned heartfelt issues.  That being the ones centered on abandonment.

-------------------------

As an only child, I was an easy target for getting caught up in abandonment issues.  I won't go into specifics here, but as an adult, this childhood seeded fear of abandonment truly came to a head immediately following my job loss in 2013.

The abandonment I experienced firsthand from that situation was akin to being thrown off a proverbial cliff.  So much time / energy had been invested (family relocation in particular) in taking that institutional position.  This coupled with the sincere yet naive respect that had accrued for my superiors resulted in massive emotional and pragmatic losses for myself all around.  And making matters worse, this punishment was seemingly all for private behaviors that on the surface were insipid and no doubt over reacted to.

Therefore, my Silas needed to be a giant of a man in so many respects in order for me to take the necessary risks here relative to healing.  And he was in so many ways.  Intimidating.  Hard to approach.  Opinionated.  Driven.  Self-confident.  Hard-nosed.  Devout.

I remember in particular, one evening, reaching out to him.  Having not heard from B during some lull in our regular communications, I began to despair, knowing / feeling / agonizing over my fears.  

For me, admitting to abandonment issues is akin to fessing up to being impotent.  There's a sissy mindset that's hard to overcome regarding this.  But somehow, I told him the truth.  Plus, I explained to him what I believed was the origin relative to these fears.  And, my goodness, it was monumentally helpful to have him listen well and reply in earnest that he'd no intentions of walking away.

And he didn't.  Until of course, he and I encountered a platonic crossroad, but that was expected to happen eventually.  At that point in time, we'd been collaborating for +/-2 years as Samson brothers, and I cannot underestimate how much healing had occurred.

-------------------------

Do you see the beauty of collaboration between Samson men?  Can you muster the humility required to do so?  If yes and yes, then welcome, my friend, to Samson Society.