Nonconfrontational / Passive Aggressive Men & Hyper-confrontational / "Pick a Fight" Men - Who Are These?

The first thing to say here is you're (as a Christian) only in the right whilst serving both yourself and them (these type men) by choosing to exhibit an extra measure of patience and grace.  And taking your own temperance and experience (w/ these personality types) into account, only then will you have any semblance of a forecast for how challenging it may or may not be to manage the relationship - long-term.

So, let's talk about experience - both real world and forecasted.

There are many, many Christians who hang their hats on the astrology-like Enneagram of Personality phenomena.  There's a test and from there, one of nine types becomes your dominant persona.  Afterwards, this info is meant to plug some holes relative to your own story (relational history) and provide you with a broader understanding of those around you going forward.  Harmless fun, I suppose.

What I've found is individuals who embrace this pseudoscience are seeking relational answers (w/ both themselves and others) that's often motivated because of cursory historical failures.  And I get that.  Everyone wants guidance on fostering / understanding future relationships better.  But this Enneagram stuff reminds me too much of astrology which reeks of witchcraft.  That's just my opinion.

 A couple of three months ago, I had lunch with a very old friend who'd been deeply betrayed professionally & platonically by a couple of well respected local business partners whom he'd known (& been in partnership with) for well over a decade.  The point of me having lunch with him was to listen well and in turn do my darndest to encourage.  One of the most surprising things he did though during our juncture was qualify the personalities (including his own) involved in this massive betrayal. And this ancestral justification was unlike anything I'd heard from anyone (within his shoes) before. 

All that being said, it was just plain weird hearing this from my old friend, but I assumed it represented procedurally how he was attempting to handle the trauma / fallout from having been sideswiped by both a passive aggressive and hyper-confrontational "elder" simultaneously, having tolerated / mediated between their behavior(s) for as long as he had.

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My best friend in middle school was a pagan and subsequently came from a pagan, divorced family, therefore both his parents had separate, established households - one in rural Madison county and another in Canton.  I really enjoyed spending time with this boy because of his paganism and how that permeated throughout his family's multiple households.

One summer evening, I "spent the night" with Dean at his father's home in Canton.  Unfortunately though, the HVAC system within the upstairs portion of the large 4-bedroom (3 or which were upstairs) home had failed, therefore we sure as heck weren't going to be sleeping upstairs as we usually did.

I vividly remember as a result of this, having to sleep on the couch in the living room downstairs.  What was strange to me about this setup though was the staircase emptied into this same space, yet if you chose to take the time to climb them to the landing, immediately you'd feel the much warmer air lingering above.  Experiencing firsthand this atmospheric phenomena (hot air rises only) was new to me having only lived in a single-story rancher.  Later on down the road, the whole notion of HVAC zoning did begin to further make sense to me, further differentiating 3-D space / volume relative to my understanding as an architect.

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There are portions of every man's life that are uncomfortable to face, and oftentimes, these areas or "rooms" involve default relationships - personal or professional.  The passive aggressive man tends to steer clear of these areas at all costs, yet his inverse, the hyper-confrontational man does the opposite.

The modus operandi here for each man, I believe, finds its root in historical precedent.  Sticking with the old adage, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".

The unfortunate outcome of all of this though is as follows.  These particular personality traits can often seem to take on a life of their own, especially as men approach middle-age (& get set in their ways).  From there, you're inevitably setup to be pigeonholed relative to your reputation.

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Now, let's close with where I began, and please know I'm speaking to my own self here as well.

As a Christian, we're called to have faith, not fear, and endure (I said endure, not endear).  And this can certainly be attributed as well to managing relationships with ALL types of men.

I find though that it's easier to do this well when you're able to recognize exactly whom you're dealing with in advance of facing the outcome / ramifications of their particular bent.

The temptation here though is to second guess these gents before you've given them the opportunity to act / react.  Don't do that.  

Let me repeat what I wrote earlier:  

You're only in the right whilst serving both yourself and them (these type men) by choosing to exhibit an extra measure of patience and grace.  Give it today as a Christ-follower in spades..