Pray For The Waller Family

Typically, rejection is the greatest fear facing men, but for men who choose to run for political office, they must choose to put those specific fears aside.

When I was a boy, my family attended FBC Jackson every Sunday, and many Sunday mornings, Bob, Darlene, and I would sit directly behind the Waller family.  Mrs. Waller (Don's mother) typically came to church with a hibiscus bloom pinned to her blouse (if it were this time of year).  I remember this because back in the '80s is when churches began having formal "greeting time" during the service, and First Baptist was no different.  Ms. Waller would always turn around and say hello, and I'd comment on the beauty of her hibiscus bloom - moreso to be a know-it-all kid than anything else.  She would always smile back at me politely prior to acknowledging the frivolities of my botanical knowledge.  I loved it! 

Fast forward to 2014 and Rob's in over his head via deep emotional trauma, and subsequently ends up in Mrs. Waller's son's office at Summit Counseling.  From there, I attend her son's "group" that following Wednesday night, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Each of you has a personal story as to how you came to know Don Waller intimately, though none of you likely have a similar tangential connection to his family as I do.

Nonetheless, I know you care about Don and by association, his family, therefore on behalf of the Waller clan, especially over the next 30 days, be in prayer.

Prayer for God's will.  Prayer for peace.  Prayer for endurance.  Prayer for solidarity.  And of course, pray for courage.  

Top photo looks to be in the spirit of Samson Society.
Governor Waller had great hair.

Taken during first Samson Society retreat - late Spring of 2016.

Fun at Andrew's abode.

Learning To Enjoy The Stink Of Manly BO

Here in America, most men bathe daily.  For me, I do it in the morning, though I know some men choose to do so before bed.  I prefer mornings because I do not like to feel the oily buildup on my skin later in the day.  For whatever reason, it reminds me of the fact that I didn't actually bathe that actual day and this really grates on my nerves.

If I run and subsequently sweat - even just a little, I typically will rinse off with the hose on the patio.  Again, I'm working towards not feeling sticky, oily, salty.  Dirty.

Immediately following my daily shower, I put on deodorant.  I use one particular brand that works well for me.  I can remember whilst a teen, using a brand that only came in a cream.  It was what I came to know firstly relative to the necessity of deodorant, and boy was it a lot of trouble to deal with.  On hot, humid summer days, it took close to 1/2 an hour for the cream to dry under my arms.  And as you might imagine, this was and felt incredibly gross as I headed off to school.

For a number of years now, I've been trimming my underarm hair, keeping it very close cut to my skin.  I do this because it promotes that feeling of cleanliness (I have loads of armpit hair which I don't appreciate in the least).

-------------------------

We've all run across men who stink of body odor.  And this is tough to deal with because everyone mostly expects people to not smell at all unless it's a pleasant smell.  There's like an unwritten rule regarding this.

Oftentimes, if you visit nursing homes, you'll find that the residents stink.  This is because they're not adept any longer at bathing, therefore they choose not to.  Obviously, if you go any number of days without bathing, you're going to start smelling ripe.

But where, overall, do we clean up for the most?

Church.

Even moreso than work, I would argue.

Church demands extra deodorant with a little cologne too.

-------------------------

What is Samson Society?

It's a weekly meeting of Christian men who're willingly exposing their stink to everyone else there.  They talk authentically about their marriage, children, vocation, their struggles with fear, anger, lust, anxiety, sexuality, and on and on, and they allow the portion of themselves which consistently stays well hidden (deodorized) to be exposed.

It's as simple an analogy as that.

Now, when you first step into a Samson Society meeting, you're likely going to be somewhat repulsed by the stench.  We men hide so much of our true selves that it's become more of a reality to us than actual reality.  Therefore, as a newbie, you need to be steady and not become intimidated by the stink.

-------------------------

Back in 2012, my best friend and I signed up to compete in the 5k Warrior Dash right outside of Jackson.  This friend was arguably my first Silas despite the fact that neither of us knew anything about Samson Society at the time.  Unfortunately, the race was only run by me as my friend chose to bail.  My dad was kind enough to accompany me to the site, and I did compete on that very cool spring morning.

Upon completion, I was an absolute mess, covered in mud and filth all over.  The greatest disappointment I had was not having my friend there to similarly be covered in muck alongside Rob.  I have to admit that it almost seemed sacrilege to be there competing without him by my side.

When you're involved in Samson Society, it's routine to run through the mud, but you do it together.  And yes, from start to finish (in heaven) , you do smell pretty awful.

Come join us!  It makes our deodorized life so much easier to live.

Christianity Isn't About Being Caught In Your Sin; It's About Being Released From Depravity (& Subsequently Being Able to Take a Whole Lotta Crap)

You are to be transformed in Christ.

That's the point of Christianity.

And in doing so, become like him.

Who is Jesus Christ?

So strong.

So resilient.

So humble.

So much of a servant.

Strong enough to die for men who despised him and all he stood for.

All the while, hating religion and the religious leadership.

Embracing others' pain yet never minimizing his own.

"Strike me instead!"

This was his love for humanity.

As Christians, that same love lives within us.

Therefore, we're no longer our own, and life becomes all about pointing everyone around us towards Christ through our words, our actions, and - most importantly - our motives.

-------------------------

What does this look like?

It means we're loyal to a fault to Christ-honoring good works.  We give every ounce of ourselves to be used by God.  Our focus is on what we're called to do for others, expecting nothing in response except being asked for more.  And our attitudes are reflective of our being cognizant of the grace that's been / being bestowed on us.

Also, we're expected to suffer, often to be abandoned and many times demonized.  Our motives questioned, our goodness and blessings envied, and ultimately, our lives targeted for execution by Satan and all of his many demons.

This is following Christ.  It inundates every part of our lives - vocation, friendships, marriage, rearing children, volunteer work and so forth.  And it will likely make our life exceedingly hard via our own disappointments and unfaithfulness as well as the disappointments and unfaithfulness brought on by others.

So why would anyone wish to take part in this transformation?

Faith in the unseen.  Faith which is of God.  Imbued within us.  That cannot be ignored, wished, or rationalized away.  Faith which firstly serves to expose us to our sin prior to giving us the ability to reach towards our Savior.

This is why Christians are some of the weirdest, seemingly weakest / most close-minded people on Earth.  And this makes them easy to spot, hate, and take advantage of.  Which they expect.

The Depressing Pragmatics of Casual Sex

I recently read an interesting (at least to me) statistic.  Individuals who sport tattoos are more likely to be involved in more casual sex than those of us who are ink-free.

The mainstreaming of tattoos over the past decade has left me awestruck.  Literally.  It's especially noticeable whilst working out at the Y / swimming at the pool, beach.  Hence, my interest in that stat.

I really enjoy talking / writing about sex, but I've only had sex with one other human being.  Angie.  I joke around with Samson men that a healthy marriage bed is one where intercourse occurs nightly, but in actuality, that's completely unrealistic.

On the first day of my second job at a local architecture firm, one of my bosses kindly took me on a first-day, "welcome to the fold" lunch.  A number of colleagues accompanied us, and one in particular made the comment to me that year one (and two) of marriage sex should be tracked as follows:  Put an empty jar on the nightstand, immediately following the honeymoon, adjacent to the marriage bed, and drop a toothpick into it symbolically each time intercourse occurs throughout year one.  Conversely, remove a toothpick during year two after exhaling via marriage sex satisfaction.

In summary, he stated that you'll never remove all of the toothpicks within year two that you put into the jar during year one due to the fact that the frequency of marriage sex inevitably declines.

This truth unfortunately can serve as fuel for casual sex, which in the case of an existing marriage, qualifies as adultery.

-------------------------

So, what is casual sex?

It's sexual activity that's outside of God's will.  But here, I'm referring exclusively to that which occurs physically (not simply within fantasy).

I've had one friend over the years who embraced casual sex as routine.  He was married, but his marriage bed was only (during that season) used for sleeping.  I remember being shocked at how persistent he was at seduction and nonchalant relative to the physical outcomes.  He lived far, far away from Mississippi, therefore I felt at ease knowing our friendship was only cultivatable electronically.

There were two things that stayed with me (which he shared openly) regarding his experiences with casual sex.

1.  Casual sex is often nothing more than pity sex.

Pity sex is close in line to engaging with a prostitute.  It's more of a transaction than anything else.  Terribly, terribly cheap.

2.  Casual sex involves 2 distinct individuals, both of which have expectations regarding the sexual experience.

Again, think of it more as a transaction, not unlike a cross pollinating prostitution experience, but more often than not, both sexual expectations aren't equally met.  In other words, someone gets the short end of the stick.

-------------------------

Our culture, especially fueled by video entertainment, equates casual sexual experiences as altogether healthy / helpful to humanity, and therefore through this myth, we're tricked into believing what we see onscreen.  This hedonistic pursuit of sexual activity that puts horniness in the same category as hungry or bored.

Do you recall the first casual sex scene (or any visual depiction of sex onscreen within a mainstream video entertainment production) you screened?  It was pretty hot looking, wasn't it?  Made you kind of entranced, didn't it?  And, never did either item 1 or 2 listed above become realized within these productions, did it?  Why?

Because reality typically sucks when it comes to casual sex and its fallout, and this is why Scripture is clear as to why it should be avoided outright.
 

Laying Together = Praying Together

Husbands tend to be the seducers.  That's why it's so critical for boyfriends to keep their hands off whilst dating.  We have a knack for urging a woman to round the bases with us due to how we're wired as the aggressors.  Plus, virgin women's bodies are VERY alluring to us.  Of course, much about them (hips, breasts, back) is soft and curvaceous which is the complete opposite to how we men are built.

The same seduction concept applies relative to leading a wife spirituality, in particular as it relates to the spiritual discipline of prayer.

Oftentimes, frequency of intercourse lessens when the husband determines another means to "say Amen with his junk".  Too, Internet pornography can become a slippery slope in that regard.  Add to that the reality that wives often work outside the home, become mothers.  Hence, despite their having less energy to begin with, they're often saddled with many more responsibilities than their husbands.  All of this creates a perfect storm for sexual / spiritual neglect.

Praying together should occur with the same frequency as intercourse.  Not necessarily within the same setting but equally as frequent.  And yes, over time, both are susceptible to being scheduled out of most anyone's marriage.

Why should prayer be exercised with the same frequency as intercourse within marriage?

They're the same act in many regards in terms of the level of vulnerability, concentration / intentional one on one time together needed.  Therefore, both acts celebrate marriage - husband + wife.

When you're married, having intercourse with someone other than your spouse is forbidden.  Now, you might pray with someone of the same sex (friend), but it would for sure be out of bounds to pray with someone of the opposite sex.  Awk-ward.

Based on my very unscientific research, most husbands abhor praying with their wives, but love the idea of performing oral sex on her any day of the week (unless she's menstruating, of course) either as part of foreplay to intercourse or to simply provide her with an oral induced orgasm as he observes her body from such a sanctimonious angle.  The notion of said husband being allowed between his wife's legs, that symbolism of submission and so forth absolutely resonates with his masculinity!

As Christian men, there's something wrong with this picture.  To pray with your wife should be no less captivating than performing cunnilingus.

Keep this in mind:  At some point in the future, if you're wife's health falters, and her ability to continue forward with the sexual narrative you two have established over the course of your marriage suffers, there may very well be no sexual recourse for you going forward unless you choose to abandon her.  And this essentially will serve as a massive breach of your marriage vows.  Remember "To Death Do Us Part."?

Why not invest with similar abandon in praying together now, just in case your libido flies out the window next month?

Like sexual activity, praying together can happen spur of the moment or be calendared.  Your choice.  And also like sexual activity, it can be quick or drawn out.  Too, there are numerous positions of prayer that can be explored.  Think of it as motionless Kama Sutra.

Husbands, here is your assignment to get this kick started:

1.  Both you and your wife sit down on the loveseat / couch together.
2.5.  Both of you naked.  (Literally in your birthday suits.)
3.  Hold hands.
3.5.  Close your eyes.  (This is important.)
4.  Each of you ask the other - "How can I pray for you?"
5.  Husband pray.  Wife pray.  (Or vice versa.)
6.  From there, let the Spirit move you.

Always remember:  Laying Together = Praying Together.  They're equal in what they symbolize / accomplish, therefore participate in both with equal abandon.

Prayer is just as intense, just as appropriate, just as honoring of what your marriage represents within God's eyes as a powerful lay.

My hope is that you get praid tonight!

Craving Encouragement

At this stage in my life, I rarely crave encouragement.  But, that's not the case as of late.  Therefore, I feel embarrassed to admit to this need.  So much so, in fact, that I absolutely don't wish to post this here.

Years ago, I had my second meeting with a prominent local attorney who'd somewhat watched me grow up at First Baptist Church Jackson.  He asked me to rendezvous with him at his office inside the bowels of his impressive law firm, and from there, I admitted to being then where I'm at today - craving encouragement.

I'll not soon forget what he responded with.  It was so lame that I can't even type it.  For someone with so much respect and notoriety in the state of Mississippi...wow it was an incredibly disappointing response.  I'm hoping he was simply having an off day.

Encouragement, as you age, I have found, comes less and less.  As your body shrinks, your hair grays / thins, your mind slows, people take note and assume you're settled into yourself - so to speak.  Especially family and friends.  Therefore, there's much more criticism or criticism through silence than anything else at my stage of life.  And frankly, this truth sucks.

-------------------------

In the face of my need to be encouraged over the course of this weekend, I remembered a dead man and what little of his life I was privileged to be privy to.

In the past, Lakeside Presbyterian Church was lead, almost exclusively, by one particular Type AAA elder.  I never had the opportunity to meet him, but I watched him from afar.  I remember attending a pilot Sunday School class that he taught at our church, and him stating how he loved John Wayne.  So much so that he regularly watched his movies on Saturday afternoons.  This man was built like John Wayne but more muscular.  He was +/-12 to 15 years older than I (inside the physical body of a much younger man), with two grown children and a beautiful wife.  He served our community as a local judge, and had for much of his career. 

To say that his presence was intimidating was an understatement.  I remember distinctly that he had the longest eyelashes of any man I'd ever seen.  Literally, it was as if he was perfect through and through.  Incredible looks, intelligence, respect, prominence in the community, solid family, and on and on.

Nevertheless, I never returned to his Sunday School class after that initial meeting.  I simply felt to inept in his presence.  His masculinity was so intense that it literally was like being in the presence of John Wayne's clone.  Overwhelming.

But this man and all he represented came to an end on Good Friday, 2015, having driven himself to a roadside stop on the Natchez Trace where he shot himself.  From what I understand, it was another prominent elder of Lakeside Pres who found his corpse.  What a horrible day that was for our church and our community.

-------------------------

Therefore, to summarize, the most manliest of men I've ever met killed himself.  It's mind boggling for me to fathom even today.  All that notoriety, respect, physical prowess, influence, etc. was turned on its head that day.  All of us touched by this man experienced utter shock.

And by ruminating on his suicide, I'm finding myself returning to what I know to be right and true.

I had just come through the darkest valley of my soul around the same time Mr. Fairly killed himself, and my doing so was only attributable to God's grace.  I can remember so vividly how much I rejoiced to no longer feel such constant, intense emotional pain accompanied by those cruel voices beseeching me to harm my own self.

And from there going forward, I stand in awe as to what God has done for Rob.

There is nothing that I can describe to you that compares to feeling what I felt during those dark days, nor is there any recourse greater than having come out on the opposite side.

Why did Dan Fairly do what he did?  How long had he suffered?  Did he too, reach out to other men for encouragement, only to find glib responses?  And finally, why did I survive, and he didn't?

What feels like eternal darkness makes a lifetime impression.  May I never forget the restoration I received, nor the potential macabre "solution" I avoided, only to live on with my story to share and henceforth, encouragement to give.

Can there be no other emotionally cataclysmic event than suicide, brought on by hopelessness and despair?

Lord, give me the courage to speak up, never to hide, and to always remember the valley I endured.  Especially during times when I'm craving forlorn encouragement. 

Shunned

I make a distinct first impression, primarily due to my voice.  If you haven't heard me speak, I sound female to an awful lot of people.  Just last week, I had a mid-westerner tell me that I had a very unique speaking voice which meant he thought I sounded like a girl.  On the inside, I winced slightly at that, but overall when I stop to readily admit to it, I'm at peace with that truth.

Therefore, unless I've never spoken to you, you're going to likely remember a previous encounter with me due to the fact that my voice serves as an imprint or identifier.  It's that unique (especially here in Mississippi where most men's heavy southern dialect - which I also lack to some degree - enhances their vocal machismo that much further).

At certain points in my career, I would feel shame over my voice, more often than not during public speaking occasions, but today, I take pride in having that particular uniqueness about me.

-------------------------

Considering that truth, I'm disappointed when older, respected professionals shun me in public.

To be shunned is essentially to be ignored despite the fact that you have a past history with an individual, and you're sitting right there.  I'll admit that I've done this many times in the past to various individuals.  In fact, I do it at home regularly to members of my own family, I'm sad to say.

For most, shunning is either a cop out move or an act of spite.  Regarding the former, that's especially the case when you encounter a situation you'd rather not step into.  Certainly there's a small percentage of people who are painfully shy, therefore their social anxiety can get the best of their intentions.  I understand that.

There's no denying the fact that shunning is significantly hurtful when the person on the receiving end of the shun truly looks up to / admires the shunner.  Ouch.  It provokes a lot of internal questions as to why exactly they were shunned.

In closing, what's also so important to consider is the future.

Shunning makes a lasting impression relative to the shunner's individual character.  An impression which could come back to haunt them down the road.

Resist the urge to shun.  Even if every fiber of your being is pulling you towards that cold hearted move.  Executing an acknowledgement handshake (at a minimum) is a far better move overall as you consider your Christian witness.

Honorary Doctorate in Masturbation / Church Lust

During my upper elementary school years, I discovered masturbation having witnessed my best friend pleasuring his own self via a hand held vibrator he'd discovered underneath his parents' bed.  Thankfully, he demonstrated his technique with his shorts on.  From there, I was immensely curious, and as they say, the rest was history.

On most days, during this same period of my life, I made a point to spend a few minutes each day perusing the pages of the Service Merchandise catalog.  In particular, the electronics section.  I did this in order to dream about purchasing some high dollar toy or somesuch that might make my life that much more fun-filled and pleasurable.  If I looked at this catalog once, I looked at it a thousand times, reading the same captions / product descriptions over and over again.  It made for a very effective escape.

My parents' marriage experienced massive fallout over multiple acts of infidelity around this same time, therefore what was already an extremely immature marriage was completely blown apart.  Bob and Darlene from that point forward simply existed around each other; toleration was the key.

I was ignored through all of this devastation despite the fact that I was somewhat privy to the details relative to what had happened.  This was a huge mistake that my parents chose to make as they focused solely on themselves and their individual pain.

And all of these proceedings brought about fertile soil for Church Lust to take root.

-------------------------

Even today, there are times when I simply cannot shake the overarching shame I feel when I see someone at church whom I'm sexually attracted to.  It's not that I'm necessarily tempted to lust in that moment, but when you have a history of said church lust from your childhood, I have found it  permanently stains your soul and effectively clouds your thinking / experiences within certain situations.

My middle school youth pastor was my secret lover.  This was all in my head, but nonetheless, it was just about as real as it could get for a young man who'd never had a sexual experience.  And that sexual relationship went on and on throughout his tenure at our church (through my 9th grade year), but especially so whilst being pastored during youth trips / retreats.  And all of this occurred sans any special treatment / attention on my youth pastor's part towards Rob.  It's important too that you realize that I was simply a background student, rarely making a peep outside of small talk with my friends, and that our youth group was sizable, taking into account grades 7th through 12th.  The latter especially gave me all the more "cover" to construct my sin-laden fantasy as I observed at arms length.

-------------------------

Lust always involves imagination.  It's identifying a part of someone or an entire someone you're sexually attracted to prior to placing them within a fantastical narrative where fornication / adultery occurs.  It's as simply as that.

And unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you frame it), unlike the Service Merchandise catalog, people you're sexually attracted to are sometimes really hard to avoid, taking into account the comings and goings of life.  And this can be especially true when you're a teenager.

As a side note, I carried on similarly sexually charged fantasies with teachers and coaches at my school as well, therefore all of this pubescent wiener rubbing quickly became second nature to me.  Literally to the point of taking stock of it relative to its importance as I would brushing my teeth each morning before school.  Hence, these fantasies became intricately interwoven with my hyper fluctuating adolescent emotional state of mind and unabashedly addictive to partake in.

In the past, I've described this season as one where if I were to quantify the amount of semen I ejaculated, it would easily have filled a 55 gallon drum.  Obviously, I know, way too much wiener on my hands.

-------------------------

What keeps men as far away from the church house as possible on Sundays?  Typically it's shame.

They might cite "refusing to mingle with hypocrites", but that's a ruse.  It's shame that's holding them back.  It's no different than a fat person eschewing a gym, and this is a very, very hard thing to overcome.

Satan by definition is our accuser.  The Bible says that he spends an inordinate amount of time doing just that around God's throne, talking trash about none other than us.  For he's privy to our past, highly intelligent and extremely cunning.  He knows what we've been up, even before we completely understood the brevity of what we were doing (childhood).  There's very little about us that's he's not taken stock of, all in the hopes of shaming us down the road.  For inciting shame within men is one of his greatest tools in hopes of keeping us stagnant and depressed.

Don't fall for it.  If you're a Christian, Satan's lies are just that.  Lies.

Take the time to dissect your past.  This is called Self Examination.  Use that good work to help you see clearly where you've been and why (to the best of your ability).  From there, use it to your's and the Holy Spirit's advantage as you work to resist feelings of shame.

Emotions are important, but they're not inexcusable.  Shame is an emotion.  A terrible, debilitating emotion, but it can be overcome if its root is brought into the light.

New Beginnings Samson Society Fall Retreat!

This is the annual Samson Society Fall Retreat sponsored by Samson House. Pirate Monks gather on the first weekend in November at the beautiful Lakeshore Camp and Retreat Center in Eva, Tennessee, about 2 hours west of Nashville, to:

Detach temporarily from the stresses of everyday life

Make conscious contact with God in a serene environment

Gain recovery wisdom from others on the Path

Examine our personal patterns from a fresh perspective

Renew old friendships and make new ones

Meet online buddies in-person

Relax around a campfire

Tell stories

Laugh

This year, in addition to our customary workshops and Silas walks, we will be hearing from special guest Jay Stringer, whose book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing has altered the Christian conversation around sexual addiction and recovery.

What's Included.  The registration fee for the weekend covers lodging, meals, materials, recreational equipment and all programming from dinner on Friday through breakfast on Sunday.  

Cost.  The price of the retreat depends on the sleeping accommodations you choose. There are two levels of bunkhouse berths available, along with a VERY limited number of private (4) and semi-private (12) rooms.  

Transportation. Transportation is not included, but if you are flying to Nashville and need rides from and to the airport, email your carrier and flight times to  piratemonktransportation@gmail.com and a member of our team will help you.

What to bring.  Hiking, fishing, and boating are available at the camp, so if you want to take advantage of those opportunities, bring your gear.  Bring any snacks or special medications.

Bedding. Bedding is NOT provided in the Vintage Bunkhouses or the Lodge Bunk Rooms, so bring your own sleeping bag or sheets and blankets, plus a pillow, UNLESS you are staying in a semi-private or private room.

Electrical outlets.  Electrical outlets are scarce in the Vintage Bunkhouses, but there are plenty of outlets in the Lodge Bunk Rooms, semi-private Rooms and single rooms, so bring your phone charger or CPAP machine.

Workshops.  There will only be two workshop sessions, so you will need to select the two workshops you will attend in person.  However, all workshops will be recorded with video and audio, and those recordings will be made available to all attendees, so you won't need to miss anything.

Questions.  Email any other questions related to the retreat to samsonretreat.info@gmail.com

Special discount for ROAD TRIPPERS: if you are coming with three or more from more than 300 miles away, you can stay together in the "Road Trippers Lodge" - comfortable accomodations  in the lovely Hope Lodge for the price of the Vintage Bunkhouse, plus a special reception!

REGISTER HERE

Cheating Life (For Yourself As Well As Those Within Your Sphere of Influence)

You've heard the phrase "Cheating Death".  It's often associated with "Dodging A Bullet" which is an associative figure of speech that's similarly effective at describing the escape from a tough situation.

Typically, as we age, we qualify circumstances as such.  Chronic illness eventually sets in, accidents occur, and so forth.  Hence, we often must work to seek treatment and care to heal.  And this is considered one's prerogative as people around you intercede and hope for recovery.

And this approach is Biblical.  Jesus healed people, even going so far as to raise the dead.  He did this out of compassion, recognizing through his own humanity the horror of what sickness / death brings to mankind as the end result of our sin laden flesh.

But what of "Cheating Life"?

------------------------

Last week, my two oldest offspring accompanied me on a business trip to MO / AR.  On Thursday, we drove almost as much as we had on the previous Monday (+/-7 hours), but this time, it was unabashedly rural during our entire journey.  Eventually, we made our second stop at a gas station in "Nowhere", AR, and literally, there was nothing there but the gas station itself adjacent to the interstate highway.

Inside was a Subway sandwich shop upon which we lighted, eating out sandwiches whilst watching the locals come in and out like clockwork.  Immediately, I recognized that something was out of sorts as the handsome young clerk kept repeating the same diatribe relative to there not being any available lottery tickets for sale that day.  He did this with almost every patron that graced his presence as everyone seemed keenly interested in getting in on the action.  And when I say almost everyone, I mean it.  The desire to play the AR lottery that day seemed to cross racial and socioeconomic lines equally.

After the girls and I finished our early dinner there at our booth, I approached the clerk and asked what percentage of patrons purchased lottery tickets there at the "Flash Mart".  He looked at me quizzically and almost went to the rear of the counter seeking some assistance in answering my inquiry.  I then volunteered an answer by saying, "75%?".  He confirmed my guess before providing commentary as to how many of his daily customers come in repeatedly throughout the day to purchase.  And then surprisingly, he seemed to confess when he mentioned the addictive nature of what he was selling.

-------------------------

As Christians, we're to be both transformed in our thinking and keenly aware of our witness.  The latter has to do with our influence due to those commands of Jesus which were centered on "spreading the gospel to the ends of the Earth".  We do this most effectively through our story, and each time we're involved in evangelism, we in turn mature forward (grow) as Christians.  It's a win-win for everyone involved.

If we truly believe this, we'll pity those who work towards attempting to cheat themselves out of their lives by either purchasing lottery tickets, gambling, or involving themselves in any other forms of fruitless, witness tainting entertainment.

'Cause that's what it is.  Witness tainting entertainment.

Witness tainting means no longer extra-ordinary.  Essentially, it neuters your influence as a Christ follower by lumping you in with all the other mindless Americanized automatons.

But you might argue that we Christians have a right to be entertained, but that's the Americanized version of Christianity which isn't Biblical.  Christians have no rights.  And we are called to be content in all situations which jives with our role as slaves to Christ.

-------------------------

I grew up in the '80s.  My middle class only-child childhood was built around video entertainment.  Cable television primarily but also film.  My 'rents and I made love to our Toshiba 19" CRT television (with stereo sound!) almost every night, and if there was a Spielberg movie to the seen at Meadowbrook Cinema 6 in Jackson, we were there!  To me, this was normal.  I mean, who didn't embrace video entertainment as our family did?  The answer:  nobody, or so it seemed.

The problem with this video entertainment lovemaking is that it's no different than buying lottery tickets every day (or hour of every day).

Both are attempts to cheat the life that we've been given to live, and in my opinion, both are similarly as effective at this.

To cheat life is to not be content with our present circumstances.  It's as simple as that.  Gambling and corporation produced video entertainment feed on this discontentment, and I would argue, neither can be participated in sans mucking up your Christian witness.  And yes, this mucking up / working against includes consuming endless quantities of corporation-produced video entertainment, no matter how you slice it.

So what are we to do as Christians?  Stop purchasing beer and cigarettes at the convenience store with our gallon of milk?  Eschew watching Internet porn on our pocket computers, even when we're itching to delve into the latest videos of our most favorite porn star?

What about taking shockingly cheap vacations to the beach / Caribbean built upon the mandated 2.5 hour time-share sales pitch, knowing all the while that there's absolutely no way we'll be signing the bottom line?

Are you kidding me?  Maybe the better question is this one:  Are you a Christian?  If so, where has your understanding and sense of protection relative to your Christian witness gone to (if it ever existed at all)?  

Perhaps it's gone to America.  The majority of Americans cheat death (excellent healthcare) and life via their pursuit of endless entertainment happiness, but this pursuit of the latter (seemingly entitlement) is not in line with Christianity.  And it never was.

Remember, just because you're an American doesn't disqualify your soul for the fires of hell, therefore consider eternity today.  There's much to be gained there as you ponder either being a slave to Christ or your own self and how that should play out within the everyday life that you live for everyone within your sphere of influence (even salesmen who're interested in selling you timeshares).

Masculine / Feminine

Modern buildings cannot support themselves without structural members tied to a foundation.  It's the starting point of construction.  Prior to the industrial revolution, structural members within a building consisted primarily of the walls themselves.  Hence they were dubbed load bearing walls.  These walls were very thick (particularly at the base) and at times had buttresses designed in to reinforce their solidarity.  Because the entire wall was supporting the roof and floors above, the wall could only be described as a system which was tightly enmeshed relative to structure, interior finish, and exterior envelope.  Master tradesmen executed these designs with very few drawings / specs and oversight.

Today, very few commercial buildings utilize a structural system that consists of load bearing walls exclusively.  The reasoning behind this is primarily scale of fenestration (doors / windows) limitations as well as building height.  In lieu of load bearing walls, today's buildings are supported primarily via structural steel and / or poured in place concrete frames.  From an architectural standpoint, the modern structural system is seen as a necessary evil.  Steel columns are typically encapsulated within wall cavities underneath spray-on fireproofing while roof trusses are typically given the cold shoulder in lieu of precisely symmetrical HVAC ductwork and exposed cable trays.  Concrete work isn't eschewed quite as severely, though rarely do you see structural concrete work left exposed to the interior sans extensive finish touch up.  In other words, it's assumed that structure for structure's sake isn't to be celebrated much less respected in the least.  Instead, it's the frou frou that takes center stage.  That being, interior finishes and envelope design.  For pete's sake, even furnishings get more respect!  But, no one can argue that without structural systems, there would be no architecture, much less buildings of any type.

As we used to say in architecture school, the sky crane has yet to be invented!

This 21st century architectural reality is identical to the sexual roles we're faced with today in our western culture.  Imagine structural systems (steel framing / concrete and steel foundations or the aforementioned load bearing walls) being a metaphor for masculinity whilst all the interior finishes and envelope (including wall framing) to be a metaphor for femininity.  One might argue that one of the primary identifiers of a building as shelter is its envelope relative to watertightness and interior comfort, but no one can dispute the plinth of existing that is a building's structural system.  Yet, the structural system can be hidden and still perform admirably, and as I stated earlier, in today's architecture, it very rarely isn't. This is certainly not the case for the building envelope.  It is always in clear view.

In today's culture, men and women are equal and completely independent of each other, yet in the Bible, man was created by God prior to his helpmeet, woman, being formed from the rib of the man. The Bible doesn't address their roles initially in any more detail than what I just wrote, but it's clear that after the Fall, the masculine and feminine become more pronounced due to the paradigm shift that inevitably occurred.  What did that look like?  I don't care to speculate, but I feel that both Adam and Eve became much more defined in their complementarian sex roles.

If you want to damage a female or locate a damaged female, abandon one at a young age or find one who's been abandoned by a patriarchal figure.  Many (if not all) lesbians have patriarchal abandonment issues.  That being said, many lesbians aren't sexually attracted to other women despite the fact that they prefer to partner with them.  For those who aren't, they choose to be with other women in order to find emotional support that's in no way connected or dependent upon men. This is their method of coping with the trauma associated with the patriarchal abandonment, alleviating the risk entirely of experiencing said trauma again.

There is nothing that defines femininity more than their dependence on the masculine - by definition.  When this dependence is exploited by males, females suffer tremendous emotional consequences.

The feminine wouldn't exist without the masculine. They are byproducts of our existence.  To be feminine is to be in need of support.  Sometimes that's physical but mostly it's spiritual, economic, and emotional.  The latter is more of an anchor than anything else, albeit, some men do this better than others.  Women are forbidden to preach and teach to men.  It's cut and dry in God's word.  The feminine is beautiful and protective and nurturing.  It's fashionable and fluid to the point of being in many cases, seductive.  But, that being said, the feminine can be crushed easily, resulting in devastation.

It is a delicately balanced relationship that's harmonious whilst being firmly planted in righteousness.  To God be the glory for creating woman out of man.  She is amazing to behold.

The Marriage Pyramid

Written July, 2017

There is a pyramid that exists containing all of the marriages that are within my / our realm of influence.  It's analogous to a pyramid built out of playing cards with each marriage represented by a pair of cards.  I’m cognizant of these as I / we interact with other couples whether it be through vocation or church, neighborhood or school.  There are far too many of these to count, but the ones that are closest to the bottom provide the most support to us.  These inevitably are made up of older couples whose marriages had stood the test of time much longer than our own.

Many years ago, we became fast friends with an older couple with one teenage son.  They were mentors of ours that we came to know through our church, and they loved us as we loved them.  Angie and I hadn’t had any children at this point and overall were very much starting out on all fronts.  Our new marriage had already hit some extremely rough patches during the initial two years.  That being said, we were thankful to have this older Christian couple in our lives who'd been married for close to 2 decades.

Surprisingly, our friends decided to divorce a few years into our friendship.  As far as we knew (based on what they communicated with us), the circumstances didn’t warrant the divorce from a Biblical standpoint, but nonetheless, they chose to do so.  I recall we had just had our first child at this time.  I can still remember sitting with my wife and asking the same question over and over – why would they choose to do this to us - to themselves and to us?  What gain is there in throwing away everything they'd built together?

From there, Angie did have one last meeting with her / our friend, though neither of us ever did speak to the man (husband).  The outcome of that meeting was one of disappointment and a sense of immense powerlessness relative to the integrity (that's a key concept here) of small area of the aforementioned marriage pyramid.  From there, the woman chose to never speak to us again.  It was heartbreaking to live through as we could feel their loss and ultimate abandonment of us within our very core.

When this couple chose to divorce, the stability of our marriage was inevitably shaken due to the fact that we were standing in many ways on their shoulders.  The goodness and faithfulness that they were actively displaying served to buttress us in countless ways.  Without it, we became less steady and certainly more jaded relative to the institution of marriage as a whole, and this was especially true as vulnerable newlyweds.

My initial employer out of college was a divorcee.  He’d remarried and had two beautiful daughters with wife number two.  I can remember spending time with their family at Christmas (awkward office parties) and over the summer at their lake house (even more awkward office party) one particularly hot July afternoon.  They were obviously happily married, but I was always cognizant of the fact that their marriage wasn’t their first, therefore I didn’t consider it to necessarily qualify for our (first marriage) pyramid.  It wasn’t that they weren’t altogether a fine example of a healthy marriage, but no matter how I sliced it, the pain from their initial failed marriage was visible within each of them as individuals.  And it was that pain that I had such a difficult time looking past.  Though I certainly wished them well, there was a sizable part of me that wanted nothing to do with that pain.  Ever.  And again, we were especially sensitive to this as newlyweds.

My second employer was a partnership, and the shareholder I worked for the mostest throughout my tenure there was a divorcee who’d remarried one of his employees who was also a divorcee.  I spent many years working closely with this man on projects large and small, learning so much about the profession of architecture along the way, but when it came to marriage number two, it was obvious that it as well was difficult and not necessarily headed for deep seated solidarity.  All the while, he had two boys from his first marriage who were living with their mother and his new wife also had a son who was living with his father.

This Saturday, I was in the grocery and bumped into this man.  He was all smiles, giving me an update on his family.  Within that delivery, I asked about his stepson.  For I knew tangentially both this boy and his wife.  In fact, I’d even attended their wedding – out of respect for my former boss – at Pinelake Baptist Church.

From what I could recall, the stepson had two daughters and they were living close by.  I’d even seen his stepson and one of his granddaughters at our local elementary school at a father / daughter dance that I’d also attended a number of years back.  All and all, this young man seemed to be a very cool guy.

And then the bomb dropped when...

My old boss informed me nonchalantly that his stepson had recently divorced, and actually had just remarried the night before!

I know my countenance revealed by nausea to him.  I could feel it sync up with the pain in my heart.  Within that moment, I flashedbackwards to his stepson’s wedding day at Pinelake church.  It enabled me to see so many beautiful details that I’d long since forgotten.

This couple was striking together.  Beautiful. He was a tall, handsome blonde and she was also a very attractive, tall blonde.  Both professed to be Christians. College educated.  Articulate.  Funny. And on and on.  I was so happy for them both, especially considering the familial difficulties the man had faced being reared within a broken home.

Upon seeing my reaction, my old boss then glossed over this news and continued forward into other relational particulars about his work, etc.  Despite his best efforts, I was too shocked to hear anything else of any substance.  Eventually, we parted ways there in the produce section.

Throughout this weekend, I’ve felt despair over this and so many divorces that I’ve witnessed relative to our pyramid.  And honestly, it makes me fear for my own marriage.  Every time I encounter another failed marriage, I’m forced to recall all of the others that have come before.  And at this point in our marriage, there are too many divorces to keep up with.

In conclusion, there are so many divorces that have weakened our pyramid throughout the years. Couples of varying ages and walks of life.  Through work or platonic connections, church or neighborhood we’re left speechless at the sheer quantity of divorces, re-marriages, divorces, and re-marriages.  It’s literally like a plague that’s devastated the integrity of our region of the marriage pyramid and this devastation continues forward even as I type this.  Depressing to say the least.

We feel powerless as we watch this destruction unfold.  It’s heartbreaking – literally.
God hates divorce.  I am convinced the marriage pyramid wasn’t meant to be compromised in this way.  Each of our marriages truly are connected to each other within our own community.  Who can endure the tangential pain of witnessing the destruction of marriages all around us?

Lagniappe